New from Emily and Amelia Nagoski: The Feminist Survival Project 2020. A podcast for feminists who feel overwhelmed and exhausted by everything we need to get done in 2020, and still worry that we're not doing enough.

Find it wherever you listen to podcasts or at feministsurvivalproject.com

from left: Emily Nagoski, Jess Fink, Spike Trotman, Kate Leth, Danielle Corsetto
photo credit: the magnificent and inimitable The Doubleclicks on Twitter

Recorded live at TopatoCon 2015, Emily and an all-star panel of guests discuss a wide variety of topics: finding pleasure rather than accepting what you're stuck with, body image, vulva puppetry, feeling trapped by lack of education, and the miraculous powers of a legendary...Magic Wand.

Brought to you by

• SaneBox: Take control of your inbox by letting SaneBox do the "this can wait until later" for you.

Special Guests

• Jess Fink: twitter/website/Tumblr/Patreon
• C. Spike Trotman: twitter/Iron Circus Comics/(her neglected) Tumblr
• Kate Leth: twitter/website/Tumblr
• Danielle Corsetto: twitter/Grils With Slingshots/Patreon/her podcast Coffee & Cider, right here on ESN

Show Notes and Links

• The panel is introduced by Holly Rowland, TopatoCo's Executive VP of Special Projects.
• Jocelyn Elders gets a bad rap. Jocelyn Elders is/was/ever shall be awesome. Check out some of her myriad accomplishments.
• Wondrous Vulva Puppet
• this is what Amazon gives you when you search for "Hitachi Magic Wand"

Her podcasting schedule completely wrecked by Book Tour (which is going great, by the way!), Emily "phones in" a micro-episode where she answers listener mail.

How do we deal with the way our partner relationships change over time? "Very carefully" is the short answer.

Audio Quality Note: Due to Road Warrior-level, apocalyptic recording conditions while traveling, this episode does not sound lovely and buttery as we would hope or you would expect.

"Penny Hall" in New Zealand has spent her life at war with a phantom self that has informed who she thinks she's supposed to be sexually. She talks about her lifelong discovery process of determining whether she is, in fact, Super-Sexy Lady, or if her authentic Sexual Identity is really "just" Penny Hall.

"Penny Hall" will return.

Show Notes and Links

• Check out Penny Hall's SOS (Speak Of Sex) Project

"Cindy Lou" has never had an orgasm. She discusses her experiences and Emily assigns her homework.

CINDY LOU WILL RETURN

Audio quality note: a small amount of unavoidable static hiss can be heard (mostly) toward the beginning of the track. Further reducing it radically clipped the actual spoken audio. It goes away as the show progresses.

Brought to you by

• Cards Against Humanity: feel more normal by playing a game that requires you to make conversation with friends about things that you aren't supposed to talk about.

Universally Recommended Reading

• Emily's book Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life, get it from Amazon (US/UK) or, preferably, your local independent bookstore.

Show Notes and Links

• Header art: "Dazed and Confused" by Ruth Oosterman, cropped here, can be seen in its full aspect ratio at the link above, where you can purchase prints and reproductions.

Amelia Nagoski is a choral conductor and Emily's twin sister. They start with lube and go from there, eventually talking about Stephen Fry and how prejudices appear in strange places when it regards what we define as "abnormal".

Emily and Amelia's voices are very similar. The clearer voice in this recording is Emily. The somewhat distorted-by-Skype one is Amelia.

Brought to you by

• Cards Against Humanity: you should never be ashamed of having too much in your hands, whether it's lube or Cards Against Humanity. FACT: Both of these provide increased sexual pleasure.

Show Notes and Links

• Amelia's blog
• Walgreens has a dedicated category on their website for Silicone-based Lubricant!
• Stephen Fry (57, international treasure) married a man 30 years his junior (so?)
• ...and Conservative critics assailed him for it.

Danielle Corsetto has been reading Emily's newly released book, Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life (available soon in the UK). Danielle asks questions about what makes sex hurt, and whether that's normal. They also discuss the male-centric definitions of sex (especially as it pertains to orgasm), as well as how Big Pharma is trying to medicalize women's sexual dysfunction with "Female Viagra".

Brought to you by...

• If you haven't already ordered Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life, get it from Amazon (available soon in the UK) or, preferably, your local independent bookstore.

Guest: Danielle Corsetto

• Follow Danielle on Twitter for all the TMI you can (or cannot) handle.
• Danielle is in the final weeks of winding down her decade-long run doing webcomic Girls With Slingshots.
• Danielle co-hosts Coffee & Cider with "Surprise Podcast Cameo King" and "Emily's Trophy Husband" Rich Stevens, right here at ESN.
• You, dear listener, can shop all things both Coffee (Rich) and Cider (Danielle) at this fancy new combo webstore from Topatoco.

Show Notes and Links

• 8 Things You Didn't Know You Could Do With Coconut Oil
• Bat Sheva Marcus: The Orthodox Sex Guru
• When Sex Hurts by Andrew Goldstein MD, Caroline Pukall PhD, and Irwin Goldstein MD
• Since recording this, Emily had an Op-Ed published in the New York Times, wherein she assails the notion that the FDA hasn't approved a "Viagra for Girls" because they're "anti-woman".
• Shots have already been fired in opposition to Emily's stance, in PDF form here.
• Orgasm, Inc. (2009) has an official website, is currently on Netflix, and can be purchased on DVD at their site, or digitally on iTunes.

Emily discusses 50 Shades of Grey, Secretary, and the portrayal of BDSM in the mainstream with Oh Joy Sex Toy creator Erika Moen.

Emily's book Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life is out in the USA on 3 March 2015, and in the UK on 9 April 2015.

Already love Come As You Are? Rate and review the show in iTunes, even if you don't use iTunes! 

Brought to you by

• Cards Against Humanity: contrary to what you hear in this episode's pre-show disclaimer, Cards Against Humanity really wants you to listen to this episode of the show.

Guest: Erika Moen

• Oh Joy Sex Toy is a webcomic and a book (and other merch, physical and electronic)!
• Erika Moen on Twitter
• Emily and Erika will both be at She-Bop in Portland, Oregon on 1 April 2015. The event will be listed here soon.

Emily's Recommended "Actually Good" Romance Authors

• "Hot Hot Kinky Sexytimes": Tiffany Reisz
• "Beautifully Written": Laura Kinsale (especially recommended: the audiobooks)
• "Funny, Sweet, Adorbs": Kristin Higgins

Show Notes and Links

• Secretary (from 2002, starring James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhaal) is now promoted with the tagline "The Original Mr. Grey" on Amazon: Blu-ray ($7), HD ($8 to buy, $4 to rent)
• Oh Joy Sex Toy comic about 50 Shades of Grey
• Oh Joy Sex Toy post about 50 Shades and Secretary, inspired by this recording
• Emily wrote a series of blog posts as she trudged through 50 Shades of Grey. It begins here, and runs five installments: one/two/three/four/five. Spoiler: part five is titled "why this book is bullshit, and what I intend to do about it".
• The tweet
• Emily will be at Powell's Books in Portland on March 31st. You can pre-order your signed copy of Come As You Are from them (a real, human-run bookstore) in advance if you click on Emily's name in the calendar.
• Rich "Genius", who jokes during intercourse, co-hosts two shows on ESN (Coffee & Cider and Night Moves)

Originally posted as an episode of Thank You For Calling!, Come As You Are host Emily Nagoski talks about her work as a sex educator and the misconceptions she's faced with when people stop her in the grocery store to ask about their sex lives.

Subscribe to Come As You Are (via this link to RSS) and rate and review it in iTunes as soon as you see it there.

Show Notes and Links

• Emily's new book is also called Come As You Are, and is out in the US on 3 March 2015.
• Emily is doing a book tour, so go see her and be a lovely fan.
• Emily is on Twitter. Be nice.