For this week’s Agony Aunties episode, we were asked how to handle mood swings. And to answer that, as usual in these episodes, we have a few different angles to approach. The first thing we suggest is to bring awareness to the sympathetic and parasympathetic systems within us, and to ground our approach towards mood regulation in the physical. If our bodies and nervous systems are dysregulated, we can experience a range of affective states, both positive and negative, and so finding ways to regulate ourselves first - be it through rest, diet, or exercise - is one approach to settle the body and to manage these mood swings.

We also recommend a sense of self-compassion here, as there are negative connotations to mood swings, and we hope that you don’t adopt any self-blaming language while trying to regulate your nervous system, but to approach your needs with a sense of softness and care. And, as always, we thank you for your questions here and for your prompts to these conversations. We really enjoy exploring these topics with you, so do please keep sending in your questions, and we’ll do our best to answer as many of them as we can.

Please email your questions to [email protected] or DM Julia on her Instagram @juliasamuelmbe.

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As we just wrapped up Season 5, and we’re ramping up for Season 6, I’d like to share with you a bonus episode with you all this week. Emily speaks to Josephine Hughes, who shares her deeply personal experience as the mother of two transgender daughters. She discusses the initial shock and adjustment period after her daughters came out, the challenges they faced, and the broader societal reactions. Josephine emphasises the importance of parental support and understanding through this transformative journey. She also touches on the misconceptions and struggles associated with transgender identity and how it affects both the individual and their family. Through her narrative, Josephine provides insight and guidance to other parents navigating similar experiences, advocating for acceptance and informed support.

Resources:

Josephine’s Podcast - https://gloriouslyunready.com

And here’s the handout she mentioned in the episode:- https://gloriouslyunready.com/transgender/

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In this week’s episode of Agony Aunties, a new therapist asks how she can help her clients develop more self-esteem. And while the three of us practice differently with our clients, what we all agree on is the importance of exploring the client’s relationship with their self-esteem. Where does that struggle with come from? Adding some context to the moments of struggles with self-esteem, especially through practices of mindfulness and journaling, can be helpful for us to notice when our esteem is suffering, and - moreso - when these challenging thoughts arise, we can also choose to not overly identify with them.We’ll talk about this and more in this week’s episode. I hope you find it helpful. If you have any questions you’d like us to answer, please do send them over, as we love taking on your suggestions and seeing what the three of us come up with.

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In this special episode, I’m delighted to be speaking with Caitlin Moran seeing as my daughters and I are huge fans of her writing. In this episode, she reflects on her tough upbringing and speaks about the power and joy she found with words. She also shares her opinions on masculinity and the challenges men face in society. With her characteristic humour and sharp wit, Caitlin discusses the cultural and personal implications of men's roles, offering a fresh perspective on what it means to navigate manhood in today's world.

Key Points Discussed:

The Power of Words: As Caitlin is a very skilled and prolific writer, she shares her love of writing, the power of writing, and how us finding the language to express ourselves can impact the world.

The Language We Use Around Children: Caitlin offers her thoughts on how younger generations are facing challenges, especially after hearing how the adults around them speak about the state of the world.

Masculinity in Crisis: Caitlin explores the crisis of masculinity, noting how societal expectations and traditional roles can lead to emotional suppression among men, resulting in a range of mental health issues.

Impact of Feminism on Men: She discusses the impact of feminism on men, arguing that while feminism has empowered women, it has also inadvertently highlighted the lack of emotional tools available to men, contributing to a generational disconnect.

I really enjoyed this conversation and found myself laughing a lot with Caitlin. I hope you enjoy this episode as much as I did! 

Resources:

Get Caitlin’s new book, now in paperback: “What About Men?” - https://amzn.eu/d/cSlWgWt

American Institute for Boys and Men - https://aibm.org

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For this week’s episode of Agony Aunties, a listener asks an important question: how can they be happy when someone in their family is deeply depressed? And so, to answer this, we’re not going to discuss what the listener can do to fix their family member’s problems, even though that might be the urge that arises in us instantly. Instead, we’ll talk about ideas of codependency, and highlight the importance of not anchoring our emotional wellbeing on the state of other’s. Finding ways to take care of ourselves is very important, so that we can be better resourced. We’re not going to help our depressed family member by getting depressed as well, and it can be very easy to catch the emotions of others. So,  please make sure that you’re finding ways to find your own happiness as well.

Resources mentioned:

Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) - https://www.thecalmzone.net

Mind - https://www.mind.org.uk

Samaritans - https://www.samaritans.org/

Papyrus - https://www.papyrus-uk.org

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In this week’s episode of Therapy Works, Heather shares the deeply emotional and challenging journey of raising her daughter, Lizzie, who has profound and multiple learning disabilities. Heather's story is one of love, loss, resilience, and the constant navigation of a life profoundly different from what she once envisioned. Through her journey with Lizzie, Heather illuminates the deep, often unspoken realities faced by families navigating similar paths.

Key Points Discussed:

• Living with Profound Disabilities: Heather describes Lizzie's condition, underscoring the daily realities of caring for someone who is entirely dependent on others for their needs, coupled with the significant intellectual disabilities that shape their interactions with the world.
• Grief and Acceptance: The conversation delves into the grief that accompanies the loss of the life Heather expected for Lizzie and herself, and how acceptance and acknowledgment of this grief have been crucial for moving forward.
• Finding Meaning and Coping: Heather reflects on how acknowledging Lizzie's condition and the accompanying challenges have allowed her to find meaning, cope better, and thus provide better care.
• Community and Representation: Highlighting the importance of representation and community support, Heather discusses the value of connecting with others who understand their family's experience and the ongoing battle for visibility and understanding in a broader societal context.

This episode stands as a powerful testament to the complexities of love, the weight of unfulfilled expectations, and the strength found in community and understanding. Heather's insights offer invaluable perspectives for anyone seeking to understand the nuances of caring for a loved one with profound disabilities.

Read Heather's letter to Lizzie: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1QjCGIa85aS_8jBUQUbKCdi1F0aakf1RkwvIIZQQavH4/edit?usp=sharing

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In this week’s episode of Agony Aunties, we’re answering a viewer who is struggling with their 10-year-old daughter's dislike for their new partner. We’ll talk about how to empathise with the complexity of the situation, and we’ll offer some insights and advice on handling such family dynamics. The daughter’s resistance might stem from feelings of loss and change rather than a genuine dislike for the new partner.

Another important point is to ensure continued one-on-one time with the daughter, to maintain open and non-judgmental communication, and to slowly integrate the new partner without forcing acceptance. It’s important to allowing the daughter to express her feelings and fears about the new family dynamic, and for the parent to with manage their expectations for the transition period. Growth is non-linear, after all.

And on that note, if you’re interested in more discussions about blended family dynamics, here’s the podcast Emily mentioned - https://open.spotify.com/show/2olc42wsIsoLyGuqrAYQns

If you have any questions for the Agony Aunties then please do email them to [email protected].

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In this week’s episode of the Therapy Works podcast, Dr. Rachel Clarke shares her journey through the peaks of the COVID-19 pandemic, her transition from journalism to palliative care medicine, and her ongoing advocacy for better end-of-life care. Reflecting on the paradox of human existence—the intertwining of love, death, and the essence of being—she discusses the daily challenges within the NHS, the psychological cost of providing care in an overburdened system, and the deeply personal impact of her father's passing.

Key Points Discussed:

• Navigating NHS Challenges: Rachel details the struggle of providing compassionate care during Covid and emphasises the psychological toll it had on her and the healthcare professionals she knows.
• Personal Growth Through Adversity: She reflects on her path from philosophy to medicine, highlighting how facing death and vulnerability has shaped her perspective on life and her practice in palliative care. For someone that’s confronted by death so often, hearing Rachel’s perspective on death, and outlook on life, is enlightening.
• The Power of Human Connection: Rachel shares insights on the significance of sincerity and presence in the face of mortality, underscoring the importance of embracing life's dualities. When we are on our deathbeds, we don’t regret not sending more emails or earning more money. What matters to us most is the connections we have.
• Legacy and Advocacy: Through her books and involvement in healthcare debates, she advocates for systemic change, particularly in palliative care, driven by her experiences and the profound lessons learned from the dying.

This episode underscores the importance of compassion, resilience, and the pursuit of meaning amidst life's greatest challenges. 

If you’d like to know more about Dr Rachel Clarke’s experience, you can find her book “Breath taking” on Amazon - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Breathtaking-UKs-human-story-Covid/dp/0349144567/

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In this week’s episode of "Agony Aunties," our discussion focuses on a parent finding their purpose as their children have grow up and left home. And so, we’ll talk about the importance of starting with self-awareness and exploration, and how mindfulness can help, along with small steps towards activities that bring joy or spark curiosity. On a broader scope, we’ll also talk about a concept that we’ve covered a few times already - the fertile void - where we transition from the end of one major undertaking to another. And we’ll also mention the importance of self-compassion at this time, and how it might be useful to look for inspiration from others' paths.

Resources:

Here’s more from Kristin Neff: https://self-compassion.org

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In this week’s episode of Therapy Works, Lily Pickard shares her heart-wrenching journey through her husband Cole's terminal cancer diagnosis, the emotional upheaval it brought to their family, and the profound loss felt after his passing. She discusses the importance of hope, humour, and community support in navigating such a devastating experience, offering insights into the complexities of grief, parenting through loss, the importance of a dog’s love, and finding resilience in the face of unimaginable sorrow.

Key Points Discussed:

The Shock of Diagnosis: Lily recounts the initial turmoil following Cole's unexpected cancer diagnosis, emphasising the drastic change it brought to their lives.

Navigating Treatment and Embracing Hope: Despite the grim prognosis, Lily and Cole's determination to explore every possible treatment option highlights their unwavering hope and the lengths they went to fight the disease.

The Role of Humour and Community: The discussion underlines the therapeutic power of laughter and the significant role of a supportive community in coping with the challenges faced during Cole's illness.

Grieving and Moving Forward: Lily reflects on the grieving process, the impact of loss on their son Ethan, and the ways in which they've sought to honour Cole's memory and legacy.

This episode is a poignant reminder of the strength found in love, the healing power of community, and the importance of facing grief with hope and dignity. It offers a compassionate perspective on dealing with terminal illness and loss within a family, providing comfort and understanding to those navigating similar paths.

Resources:

For single parents and their children, check out Gingerbread - https://www.gingerbread.org.uk

Child Bereavement UK which helps children, parents and families rebuild their lives when a child grieves - https://www.childbereavementuk.org

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In this week’s episode of Agony Aunties, we’ll be addressing a concern from parents about their son's lack of motivation. We’ll explore the challenges of transitioning to adulthood and suggest the approach of trying to understand his perspective rather than pushing him, as pushing him might not offer the results you’re looking for.

Our conversation also touches on how the parents can support each other and accept their children's journey and the extended maturation process of the younger generation. For a more detailed exploration of the topic and additional insights, you might find Jeffrey Arnett's work on Emerging Adulthood, including his TED talk and book, particularly enlightening, offering a broader understanding of the challenges faced by young adults today.

• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fv8KpQY0m6o

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