Talking points: relationships, masculinity, culture

This is a question I get all the time from men. They date a woman who takes on what feels like a very masculine energy, and they're not sure how to handle that without doubling down on battles, roles, and standoffs. Here's how to build a grounded, fulfilling, satisfying partnership instead.

(00:00:00) - Intro and the reasons women adopt traditionally masculine traits

(00:08:40) - What do you do? Number one: let go of “who’s right” battles

(00:12:12) - Stop fighting for the “masculine role” in the relationship

(00:16:54) - Evoke emotion

***

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Heard about attachment but don’t know where to start? Try the FREE Ultimate Guide To Attachment

Check out some other free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Talking points: men, psychology, culture

Roy Baumeister is a mighty pillar in the world of psychology, with groundbreaking work on willpower, self-control, negativity bias, and much more. I had the honor of chatting with him about all of these things in the context of men. How do we develop robust self-esteem? Is it work breaking free of isolation? Are there unique social pressures? This is chock full, team.

(00:00:00) - On how men need to prove themselves, and the different social pressures between men and women

(00:07:59) - Roy on risk-taking in men and women

(00:14:01) - Roy’s most cited work, why we fixate more on the bad things, and men’s self-destructive behavior

(00:27:48) - Strategies you can use to replace unhealthy coping mechanisms

(00:34:09) - How important is it for men to have robust and diverse social circles?

(00:45:10) - What is “ego depletion”?

(00:52:21) - The effect of porn on self-control, and wisdom for men struggling with self-esteem

***

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Heard about attachment but don’t know where to start? Try the FREE Ultimate Guide To Attachment

Check out some other free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Talking points: attachment, genetics, psychology

Attachment as a framework for working on and healing your relationships is powerful stuff. But it’s also complex. I wanted to nerd out a bit this week with all of you over this fascinating study on attachment, genetics, and environment—with a PSA at the end. 

Dig in and let me know what you think!

You can find the abstract of the study and request a full PDF here: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/385437792_Genetic_and_environmental_contributions_to_adult_attachment_styles_Evidence_from_the_Minnesota_Twin_Registry

(00:00:00) - Intro

(00:04:28) - Why it’s interesting and a potential game changer, and why heritability doesn’t mean it’s game over

***

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Heard about attachment but don’t know where to start? Try the FREE Ultimate Guide To Attachment

Check out some other free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Talking points: culture, masculinity, the shadow

This was one of those wide-ranging convos that made me lose track of time. David and I cover a ton in this as you'll see from the timestamps, with some great info on "core energetics", personality types, and more. Dig in.

(00:00:00) - How David approached interviewing such a polarizing figure, and do all men have such a rigid mask?

(00:09:04) - How do you support men in a way that allows them to actually open up? 

(00:15:40) - Is it all just an act, and killing your shadow versus integrating  

(00:22:35) - What is core energetics and the five personality “patterns”?

(00:31:10) - Which pattern best describes American culture, and what do you think we need to do?

(00:37:14) - Do we HAVE to play the polarization game to get anywhere?

(00:44:54) - What David would say to men who are hiding opinions that might get them in trouble

(00:58:01) - What is the “lower self”?

(01:07:22) - Advice for men who actively resist their own emotions

David Sutcliffe is a Somatic Therapist, a Certified Core Energetics Practitioner with over 15 years experience. He has a private practice out of Austin, Texas, and holds workshops across the United States and Canada. He is also a trained hypnotherapist, a mindset expert, and has extensive experience with meditation, yoga, shamanism, physical fitness, nutrition, and wellness. A former actor, he is well known for his roles in the popular TV series Gilmore Girls and Private Practice, and movies Under The Tuscan Sun and Happy Endings.

Connect with David

-Website: https://www.davidsutcliffe.com

-YouTube: https://bit.ly/3ZJ1KD4

-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/davidsutcliffe33/

***

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Heard about attachment but don’t know where to start? Try the FREE Ultimate Guide To Attachment

Check out some other free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Talking points: relationships, masculinity, psychology, culture

I touched on this topic in a previous episode and hoo boy, the comments. So let’s talk about it, because there are a lot of historical, psychological, and mythic examples to look at. What’s more, there are ways of working on this if it rings true.

(00:00:00) - What I mean by being afraid of women, and theories from evolutionary psychology

(00:06:41) - The perspective of analytical psychology, and the “anima and animus”

(00:15:29) - Lastly, the perspective of existential psychology, and how a man creates identity

(00:19:22) - So what do you do with this info?

***

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Heard about attachment but don’t know where to start? Try the FREE Ultimate Guide To Attachment

Check out some other free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Talking points: relationships, communication, sex, masculinity

Whether we want to admit it or not, there are always times where things in the bedroom just don’t work out. Alex is out there helping men deal with their most common challenges, and de-stigmatizing communication about it. I appreciate the simple yet solid advice he brings to the table; lots of good stuff in here. Listen in.

(00:00:00) - How a man’s ability to perform affects how he sees himself, and working with sexual shame

(00:11:33) - Dealing with common sexual challenges for men

(00:20:40) - On balancing emotional vulnerability with “holding your frame”

(00:26:29) - What contributes to ejaculation issues?

(00:32:13) - On embarrassment around sexual dialogue, and how porn alters our expectations of ourselves

(00:40:16) - The importance of connecting to breath

(00:47:35) - How can a partner help a man who’s struggling with PE or ED?

Alex Grendi, a former professional soccer player, is now a men’s coach specializing in helping individuals overcome performance anxiety, such as premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction, to build confidence and enhance relationships. Drawing on personal experience and training, he developed the “Superior Lovers” program, combining best practices to deliver transformative results in just three months. His mission is to empower men to embrace their authentic selves, deepen connections, and find fulfillment in their lives and relationships.

Connect with Alex

-Website: https://www.alexgrendi.com/

-YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Alex.Grendi

-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alex.grendi/

***

This Black Friday, why bother getting more stuff when you could work on yourself? All ManTalks courses are currently 20% off, and save even more when you bundle all 3. Check out: https://mantalks.com/blackfriday/

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Heard about attachment but don’t know where to start? Try the FREE Ultimate Guide To Attachment

Check out some other free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Talking points: relationships, mythology, archetypes, culture

The title might ruffle some feathers, but sometimes, the best way to look at an issue is through a story. The symbolism has a way of highlighting many complex things at once. This week, I want to talk about an almost common trope in modern dating, but through the lens of a classic story: Cinderella.

(00:00:00) - Intro, using the story as a lens, and the effect of the “wicked stepmother”

(00:04:13) - The shadow of the feminine and masculine, and the archetype of Prince Charming

(00:10:15) - The value of Cinderella as an archetype and symbol

***

This Black Friday, why bother getting more stuff when you could work on yourself? All ManTalks courses are currently 20% off, and save even more when you bundle all 3. Check out: https://mantalks.com/blackfriday/

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Heard about attachment but don’t know where to start? Try the FREE Ultimate Guide To Attachment

Check out some other free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Talking points: history, mythology, archetypes, culture

I’ve recently been asked to dig more into the deeper stuff, and who better to delve into the history of the ancients than Alex Petkas. We dig into how important history and story can be, how modern society has watered down the hero archetype, and who we can learn from in ancient history to re-inspire us. This is great ep to dig into if you’re searching for actual heroes, not just what you see on TV.

(00:00:00) - What was the role of the “hero” in ancient history, and is it important for a healthy society? 

(00:12:40) - What happens when you kill off the hero in you, and the balanced masculinity of Odysseus

(00:22:47) - How to restore a more generative hero archetype, and how we’ve made heroes one-dimensional

(00:30:41) - What Plutarch can teach men 

(00:40:59) - Ancient heroes men can learn from, or who the hell is Eumenes of Chardia?

(00:55:14) - The power of narrative

Alex Petkas is writer, entrepreneur, and founder of The Cost of Glory,  a bridge for the virtues of ancient heroes and the modern world’s demands. With a PhD in Classics from Princeton University, Alex has transcended traditional academic boundaries to bring the power of ancient wisdom into contemporary leadership. Recognizing that figures like Plato, Aristotle, Plutarch, and Cato were not just intellectual giants but also formidable leaders and entrepreneurs, he blends their timeless insights with modern leadership needs, offering actionable strategies that resonate with today’s leaders. Alex challenges the modern disregard for classical education, championing its vital role in moral and intellectual development. His mission is to reignite the heroic spark within men, empowering them to tackle contemporary challenges with unmatched courage and clarity.

Connect with Alex

-Website: https://www.costofglory.com/

-The Authoritative Speakers Guide: https://costofglory.kit.com/gift

-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alexpetkas/

***

This Black Friday, why bother getting more stuff when you could work on yourself? All ManTalks courses are currently 20% off, and save even more when you bundle all 3. Check out: https://mantalks.com/blackfriday/

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Heard about attachment but don’t know where to start? Try the FREE Ultimate Guide To Attachment

Check out some other free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

talking points: anxiety, psychology, relationships

If you've ever been with someone who struggles with anxiety, this one's for you. A lot of men lean heavily into trying to fix things, even making it their entire mission. Here are some alternative steps that respect responsibility, autonomy, and help strengthen the relationship.

(00:00:00) - Intro, my working definition of anxiety, and the many places it comes from

(00:05:42) - Signs of anxiety in your partner

(00:10:47) - So what do you do? On reinforcement and co-regulation 

(00:14:59) - Attune to her signs, and physical touch

(00:17:36) - How to balance leaning into discomfort with backing off

***

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Heard about attachment but don’t know where to start? Try the FREE Ultimate Guide To Attachment

Check out some other free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Talking points: masculinity, psychology, myth, Jung

Hot on the heels of the legendary John Lee, I interviewed another founding elder of men's work: Michael Meade. This is a powerful discussion focused on how essential "descent" is for men, and how it's almost completely disappeared from society in favor of endless, destructive growth and commodified "mastery". Powerful words from one of the wisest teachers out there, in my opinion.

(00:00:00) - The importance of descent in a man’s life

(00:11:51) - The signs of descent, and the role of technology

(00:22:28) - How the old worldview has collapsed, and the result is collective despair and grief

(00:29:39) - How do you deal with the feeling that things are ending?

(00:35:20) - The intersection of myth and AI; will they come together? 

(00:41:29) - Where does the descent actually lead, and the symbolism of water and sword

(00:55:13) - How to “get the water”

Michael Meade, born and raised in New York City, is a renowned storyteller, author, and scholar of mythology, anthropology, and psychology. He combines hypnotic and fiery storytelling, street-savvy perceptiveness, and spellbinding interpretations of ancient myths with a deep knowledge of cross-cultural rituals. His ability to tap into ancestral sources of wisdom to help people of today heal their communities has inspired thousands of people throughout the world. His unique translations of age-old myths and symbols into culturally relevant, everyday language earned him an honorary Doctorate in Humane Letters from Pacifica Graduate Institute. Michael is also the founder of Mosaic Multicultural Foundation and author of The Genius Myth, The Water of Life, The World Behind the World, Fate and Destiny, and Why the World Doesn't End. He is co-editor of The Rag and Bone Shop of the Heart, and editor of the cross-cultural anthology on rites of passage: Crossroads: A Quest for Contemporary Rites of Passage.

Connect with Michael:

-Podcast: Living Myth: https://www.mosaicvoices.org/podcast

-Website: https://www.mosaicvoices.org/

***

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Heard of attachment theory but don’t know where to start? Try the FREE Ultimate Guide To Attachment

Check out some other free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Talking points: psychology, depression, 

These are 3 conditions you may have never heard of before, but based on my experience working with men for 10+ years, they’ve got a significant presence. They’re also under-discussed.

(00:00:00) - Dysthymia, aka low-key depression

(00:04:25) - Alexithymia, when you can't describe emotions

(00:07:06) - Derealization, when nothing feels real

Further Reading

-Dysthymia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysthymia

-Alexithymia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexithymia

-Derealization: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derealization

***

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Heard about attachment but don’t know where to start? Try the FREE Ultimate Guide To Attachment

Check out some other free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podc