Comprehensive JRPG Retrospective
Get up, stumblebut, we got jerkin’ off to do. Nope, sorry, wrong podcast. On this one we’re kink shaming a flying cat, valuing experiences over possessions, sleeping on a cot, marveling at the Meribian metropolis, questioning if turds are monsters or monsters are turds, wondering if Meribia is under mob rule, using a traveler’s cheque, role-playing with some kiddos, discovering a deliberate typo, citing inspiration from Playboy, and protecting every man’s right to be drunk and sexist. An extra hour of shore leave is the difference between getting drunk and getting arrested.
00:00 Drugs Chicken 02:18 Intro 03:29 Tumultuous Morning 07:18 Morning Dialogue 20:09 Arriving in Meribia 26:45 Meribian Outdoor NPCs 38:11 Seagull Tavern 50:13 Real Net 55:36 Outro
I won’t ferget your help. In fact, because of it, we’re introducing a fresh multiverse theory, confirming script suppositions, remembering we can’t sail without light, parting ways at the boat ride, climbing our big pole, eating fish every day, crying out for a minimart, changing out of boy mode inside of Luna mind, thinking clean dirty thoughts, stowing away Brett, chasing the stick off the porch, doing the Dew, questioning the feasibility of fireflies, and localizing a song based on nothing but vibes. Goodbye, my love.
00:00:00 Miniseries 6 00:06:24 Intro 00:07:43 Breaking News 00:16:37 Sega CD Lighthouse Quest 00:24:01 Aboard The Hispanola 00:28:35 Lower Deck 00:44:18 Night Time 00:51:47 Boat Song 01:05:08 Real Net 01:09:22 Outro
What the flippin’ hotdog is going on? Oh, I know, we’re exploring the nature of hags, visiting angelfire, finding an idiot in a dummy trap, twirling a comb, refusing the oxford comma, boiling a cauldron of animals, equating a hag to a witch, detesting backwoods inbreds, failing the ice mace quest, remaining calm while a monster wreaks havoc, fighting bugs naked, alliterating into oblivion, realizing Alex is the main character, feeling like dead weight, and helping Luna make a curious choice. I'll turn you into a soup that eats like a meal.
00:00 Studio Series 86 | 02:25 Intro | 03:47 Old Hag’s Forest | 15:25 Sea Hag’s House | 24:39 Return to Saith | 35:51 Saline Slimer | 42:49 Post Slimer | 48:48 Boat’s Leaving | 54:25 Real Net | 01:00:18 Outro
I don’t wash my hands, so I’m always hungry. Come along with us on a fantastic fart voyage while we’re reeking of fish, becoming the Orca, leaning of Luna’s reputation, filching a chicken, encountering the beastmen, noticing the absence of lore outside of the Four Heroes, hinting at a race war, cruising for a bruising, speaking without dentures, lacking sufficient statistics, offering edible toe cheese, getting drunk off of smells, losing a coin toss, discovering it was all rigged, and missing a secret Laike. If you see the captain, will you tell him he’s a moron? Thanks.
00:00 Intro | 02:57 Surveying Saith | 14:38 Saith Buildings | 42:20 Gamblin’ | 50:55 Real Net | 58:42 Outro
That’s that. Do whatever you want, don’t mind me, son. Just start learning what a chow bell is, receiving money from mom, wondering if Nall is a hallucination, dreaming the dark, hearing a song on the breeze, regretting the tone of the official guide, envying the children, razzing Ramus into oblivion, sleeping in the shed, clearing up “rump acne,” standing up to destiny, denying our Christ up to three times, refusing to take children seriously, finding our ho-ho-ho-man, and waking up without our savior father. Never settle for less than anything you’ve ever dreamt of achieving.
00:00 Monster Hunter? | 02:17 Intro | 03:50 Weird Woods | 06:37 Welp, Back To Burg | 12:40 Premonitions | 21:02 Goodbye, Burg | 28:56 Weird Woods | 35:05 Laike | 42:10 Campfire | 45:36 Weird Woods (Sega CD) | 49:32 Real Net | 59:04 Outro
We have somehow earned this thing’s respect. You have somehow earned Episode 005, where we’re touching on some healing stones, washing out a bridge, traversing across the battlefield, grunting at the sight of a human, appreciating bitmap cut-scenes, referencing Mega Man 8 (derogatory), rewarding boys with special turds, baiting baboons into ice blocks, possessing green eyes, receiving destiny instructions, questing for the prize of manhood, realizing Dad was Ramus, immediately trying to unload a precious diamond, and molesting a teddy bear. Crunchy is my opposite of woke.
00:00 PS3 Bake | 02:00 Intro | 04:00 World Map | 07:25 White Dragon Cave | 17:43 Quark’s Lair | 29:57 Dragon Ring Quest | 33:02 Quark’s Lair Again | 40:46 Return to Burg | 55:19 Real Net | 59:38 Outro
We know you’re sick with worry, but worry not, because this time we’re CAPITALIZING SELECT DIALOGUE, erecting a monument, putting up with a bean brain, choking the chicken, identifying pigs, failing to speak pig latin, refusing to understand what Nall is, standing in the spring like a cool guy, demonstrating ocarina prowess, plotting to ditch Luna, trading an ocarina for a harp, mixing innuendo in with singing lessons, offending the stork god, talking to everyone in town all the time, putting on dad’s old clothes, and, once again, becoming the pervert. Son, you’re nuts.
00:00 Intro | 03:11 Burg NPCs | 15:33 Burg Buildings | 28:57 Spring | 39:58 Spring (Sega CD) | 41:50 Burg Again | 55:27 Real Net | 57:58 Outro
I am not embarrassed to be anime. Neither is Lunar, as we’re wondering when Chrono Trigger will cease its powers of inspiration, defying fantasy/anime archetypes, reading the strategy guide promo, marveling at the Sega CD vocal intro, swerving into the PSP prologue, trapping Althena in an undersea base, summoning clip art demons for a covenant, breaking the flashback framing device, dancing character sprites, joining O-Town, worshiping the holy bucket, shifting tree leaves, refusing to acknowledge hair changing from blue to brown. C’ya.
00:00 Remaster | 01:36 Intro | 03:40 Expectations | 11:02 PS1 Power On | 16:10 Sega CD Power On | 19:22 PSP Power On + Prologue | 39:49 Dyne’s Monument (PS1) | 53:04 Dyne’s Monument (SegaCD) | 54:54 Ramus | 01:02:02 Real Net | 01:04:47 Outro
We’re still talking about the Lunar before we play it. You know what that means: we’re altering game code for the reality of commerce, smoking turds like a coward, slandering Shannen Doherty, dubbing in dubious farts, artificially adjusting the difficulty, cringing at the worst magazine ad of all time, giving away a demo disc, choosing kindness over grittiness, giving in to the astonishment of holograms and paper stock, learning about Fan Art Edition, finding Lunar through internet friends, and getting fat-phobic, drunk, and S.C.R.O.T.A.L. The regular, eternal flow of the show starts next week! We promise!
00:00 Objects of Power | 01:45 Intro | 03:09 Working Designs, Part II | 21:28 Cut/Adjusted Content | 27:14 Promotional Media | 34:16 Contemporary Reviews | 41:28 Physical Media | 50:16 Hacks & Mods | 52:25 Memories | 01:04:48 What We’re Playing | 01:06:15 Counts | 01:08:24 Real Net | 01:13:03 Outro
Hello and welcome to season 7! We’re covering Lunar: Silver Star Story Complete, which entails going over which version(s) of Lunar’s Silver Star Story we’re playing, outlining every Lunar that exists, figuring out how many dollars games cost, wondering what the situation is with Studio Alex, designing a cold world, spreading democracy on the moon, becoming sexy and smelling a person, pestering Game Arts into a localization contract, accidentally inventing modern localization, and starting to answer the question: what’s the deal with Victor Ireland? How can a man own words?
00:00 Intro | 05:03 Release Information | 11:54 How To Play Lunar in 2024 | 15:11 Studio Alex | 20:10 Core Staff | 34:31 Working Designs, Part I | 51:10 Real Net | 55:48 Outro
To enter Season 6’s final episode is to bid goodbye to the light of day. If you accept, we’re referencing other Final Fantasies games in bullshit missions, letting someone else explore Midlight’s Deep, slaying the hell magician, fighting in fart gas, destroying more jobbers, bending knees to demons, trying to kickstart Virgo, wanting for blood, identifying the universal pervert endgame, sealing off the pervert portal, marveling at the airship graveyard, wearing thong for the ultimate battle, winning the game, gathering at a grave, and remaining pure of heart at the end. See you next week, and next season, with Lunar: Silver Star Story Complete.
00:00 Rebirth Update | 03:33 Intro | 05:02 Final Reports | 13:54 Midlight’s Deep | 19:01 The Necrohol of Mullonde | 25:23 Lost Halidum | 35:04 Airship Graveyard | 46:37 Ultima | 01:03:05 Cemetery | 01:09:07 Epilogue / Credits | 01:12:14 I Got This | 01:27:52 Insults | 01:30:02 Real Net | 01:33:44 Outro
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