Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast

John Brandon, Jim Banks, Matthew Van Zandt, Vanessa

Square Roots is like a book club, but for classic RPGs! Each episode John, Matthew, Jim and Vanessa play through a chunkerino of one of your favorite RPGs, from Final Fantasy through Chrono Trigger. Are they experts? No. Are they qualified? Absolutely not. Are they good at RPGs? Probably not. But they're the fun kind of dumb, and that's what counts.

  • 2 hours 23 minutes
    Sea of Stars Part 5: Are You Gonna Be My Garl?

    We are sure that the technical issue that caused the original second half of this episode to be lost won’t be noticed and the transition to the new recording will be seamless. Garl finds himself being the true hero of this game as he now has a near-death vision explaining what he needs to do before he dies.

    Level Up: 01:48:15

    Also:

    * Squish Squish Squish * A Lot of Feet Talk * I Might Be The Threshold * Gary Busey in “Make Friends With The Devil” * Jim’s second most hated song, Zephyr * Chrono Trigger! Final Fantasy! Hee hee!

     

    This Week: Travel through the Sea of Stars! Next Week: Finish Sea of Stars!

     

    Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcastThanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

    Contact Square Roots!Twitter: @squarerootspodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    6 January 2025, 1:04 pm
  • 2 hours 7 minutes
    Sea of Stars - Part 4: A Sith Puzzle For Babies

    Square Roots - Episode 444 Level Up Starts  at 01:36:00!

    Finally, we return to the Sea of Stars and a lot of stuff happens in this chunker! There's gorilla kids! Elderly enslaved kids! You sail into a mouth! And you get a secret weapon that morphs solstice magic into a [REDACTED] attack! Also: - An Edgier Pac-Man - Don't You Dare Make Fun of Capitalism!   - Matt Loves A Good Pear - Mattholics! - "It's Too Late For This One!" - Garl Is The Wheels of Sea of Stars - Vanessa's Personal Mouse War

    This Week: Play to the end of the Clockwork Castle! Next Week: Travel through the Sea of Stars!

    Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

    Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    30 December 2024, 11:04 pm
  • 1 hour 11 minutes
    Square Roots Christmas Gift Guide 2024

    We decided to drop a special Christmas themed bonus episode for you this week! It's the Square Roots Christmas Gift Guide 2024!!!

    Join us as we discuss what presents we got for all your favorite RPG characters. 

    We'll be back next week with our regularly scheduled Sea of Stars episode. 

     

    23 December 2024, 4:56 pm
  • 2 hours 34 minutes
    Sea of Stars - Part 3: Bisects!

    Square Roots - Episode 443 Level Up Starts  at 02:00:30!

    It's a Marvel's Captain America: Civil War on this podcast, as Matthew's Dreamatorium Podcast Within A Podcast is squaring off against Johnny's Dreamcast, a podcast within a podcast. But also we played more Sea of Stars! And we got to the big End of Act 1 twist! Gasp! Things change! Allegiences are challenged! A town with a terrible name has been created. Also: - Blue and Jinkos! - Real Magus fight vibes! - Obligatory Joey from Blossom reference! - Wesowection! - Vanessa's Lazy Findom Kink Returns! - Ah! The Chrono Cross Problem! - You Can't Eat A Bag!

    This Week: Play to the end of the Tower of Ansudlo! Next Week: Play to the end of the Clockwork Castle!

    Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

    Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    16 December 2024, 12:46 pm
  • 2 hours 58 minutes
    Sea of Stars - Part 2: A Neck Romancer

    Square Roots - Episode 442 Level Up Starts  at 02:23:18

    The adventure truly begins as Johnny joins forces with Matt, Jim and Vanessa to tackle the pressing question about Sea of Stars: What the hell is this Wheels game anyway? Also we meet some fourth wall breaking pirates and fight two separate necromancers. Also: - Garl is the Jimminy Cricket - Johnny Hates The Algorithm - Smeared With Working Designs - Jim Only Knows American Who's Line - A Fun Lil Zomboi -  Stonheim Sam

     

    This Week: Playing through the Necromancer boss fight! Next Week: Play to the end of the Tower of Ansudlo!

    Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

    Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    9 December 2024, 9:30 am
  • 2 hours 19 minutes
    Sea of Stars - Part 1: But Have You Seen A Whole Boob?

    Square Roots - Episode 441 Level Up Starts At 01:50:15

    On this celestial episode of Square Roots, Jim guides Vanessa and Matt through the opening of 2023's beloved throwback style RPG, Sea of Stars. That's right: Vanessa plays a pixel game like some kind of baby, and it doesn't make her feel better when the game just keeps on the baby-themes for the first half hour or so. But will these special babies birthed by a moon stork save the day, or will they need Garl and his big Ramus energy? Also: - Matthew Rants About DLC Being Nominated For Game Of The Year - The Fat Character Always Has To Be The Cook - Vanessa Eats The World - Jim Loves A Montage Song - It's Just Lavos

    This Week: Meet the Elder Mist!  Next Week: Playing through the Necromancer boss fight!

    Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

    Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    2 December 2024, 1:06 pm
  • 1 hour 37 minutes
    Would You Eat This Bird? The 2024 Edition

    Square Roots - American Thanksgiving Bonus On this Square Roots, we're going to learn how to say no to drugs when a 8 year old tries to give you free weed. Or how you'll deflate like a balloon on your couch. Wait, no, that's not what we do on this episode. On this episode we look at sixteen birds - 15 of which are from Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth so be aware of mild FF7 Rebirth spoilers.

    This Week: Enjoy a lovely game of Would You Eat This Bird?! Next Week: Meet the Elder Mist! 

    Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

    Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    25 November 2024, 10:05 am
  • 2 hours 24 seconds
    Dishonored Part 6: BAMF!

    Square Roots - Episode 440 Level Up Starts at 1:47:45! Today is all about silly funny fun. There's goofy fun adventures, and our bestest princess of light and good and low chaos allows an old man to continue to live tied to machines and under the control of his slightly mad nurse. She also helps an unconscious woman have her dream wedding with a corpse. ALL IN THE NAME OF GOOD!

    - Daud Puts the U into Dad - Splinter, Dead, Dura and Soft Cells - You Can't Get A Canal - The Truth Of The Dressmaker - The Teen Witches of Brigmore - A Sewer Adventure! - A Witch With A Waist - You Go Into Paintings In A Lot Of Games

    This Week: Finish The Witches of Brigmore! Next Week: Enjoy a lovely game of Would You Eat This Bird?!

    Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

    Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    18 November 2024, 1:34 pm
  • 2 hours 31 minutes
    Dishonored Part 5: Big Labia Energy

    Dishonored Part 5: Big Lesbian Energy 

    Square Roots Episode 439

    This ep has a LOT of positive energy! We're all in a GREAT mood! 

    • Too much talk about labias
    • Imperial Majesty Vanessa 
    • Hot Gay News! 
    • Johnny pulls a real life Mr. Bean and plays the wrong DLC
    • EVERYTHING IS AWESOME 

    This Week: Knife of Dunwall

    Next Week: Finish The Witches of Brigmore!

    Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

    Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    11 November 2024, 2:56 pm
  • 2 hours 18 minutes
    Dishonored Part 4: Is Harry Anderson An 80s Era Brian David Gilbert?

    Dishonored Part 4: Is Harry Anderson An 80s Era Brian David Gilbert? Square Roots - Episode 438 Level Up Starts at 1:55:00! Apologies to Italy, again. There are disparaging remarks made on whether Johnny did or did not finish Dishonored. These are all fabrications. Johnny has submitted video evidence to the Facegroup Group. He has the cheevos to prove it. These accusations are flagrant. They're idolatrous. And they are wrong.

    - Paul-i-tics - Laurie Metcalf for Mortal Kombat - Matt Is Lost in the World of the Go-Go 90s - Mister Bean, the Original Sim - A Crower, Not A Shower - Making Soup With Granny - Russian Water

    This Week: Finish the main game! Next Week: Finish The Witches of Brigmore!

    Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

    Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    4 November 2024, 1:13 pm
  • 2 hours 38 minutes
    Dishonored Part 3: Are You Going To Believe The Outsider, Or Are You Going To Believe Adam Christopher?

    Square Roots - Episode 437 Level Up Starts at 2:01:33! Finally, we get to go to a party! And what a party it is. Lady Boyle sure had a blast in Jim's game. It was one hot party! Her outfit was straight fire! Jim shot her with incendiary bullets! Also Johnny and Vanessa do some ethical kidnapping, and Matthew is sad he didn't just kill all three sisters. Oh yeah, and we deal with the Lord Regent!

    - It's A Part in Canada! - Some Sisters Are Triplets! - Doxxxed! - Yeah But It's Webber... - YOU CAN POSSESS A FISH?! - Hanging Turt?

    This Week: Finish Lady Boyle's Last Party and Return To The Tower! Next Week: Finish the main game!

    Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

    Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    28 October 2024, 3:10 pm
  • More Episodes? Get the App
© MoonFM 2025. All rights reserved.