Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast

John Brandon, Jim Banks, Matthew Van Zandt, Vanessa

Square Roots is like a book club, but for classic RPGs! Each episode John, Matthew, Jim and Vanessa play through a chunkerino of one of your favorite RPGs, from Final Fantasy through Chrono Trigger. Are they experts? No. Are they qualified? Absolutely not. Are they good at RPGs? Probably not. But they're the fun kind of dumb, and that's what counts.

  • 2 hours 31 minutes
    Dishonored Part 5: Big Labia Energy

    Dishonored Part 5: Big Lesbian Energy 

    Square Roots Episode 439

    This ep has a LOT of positive energy! We're all in a GREAT mood! 

    • Too much talk about labias
    • Imperial Majesty Vanessa 
    • Hot Gay News! 
    • Johnny pulls a real life Mr. Bean and plays the wrong DLC
    • EVERYTHING IS AWESOME 

    This Week: Knife of Dunwall

    Next Week: Finish The Witches of Brigmore!

    Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

    Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    11 November 2024, 2:56 pm
  • 2 hours 18 minutes
    Dishonored Part 4: Is Harry Anderson An 80s Era Brian David Gilbert?

    Dishonored Part 4: Is Harry Anderson An 80s Era Brian David Gilbert? Square Roots - Episode 438 Level Up Starts at 1:55:00! Apologies to Italy, again. There are disparaging remarks made on whether Johnny did or did not finish Dishonored. These are all fabrications. Johnny has submitted video evidence to the Facegroup Group. He has the cheevos to prove it. These accusations are flagrant. They're idolatrous. And they are wrong.

    - Paul-i-tics - Laurie Metcalf for Mortal Kombat - Matt Is Lost in the World of the Go-Go 90s - Mister Bean, the Original Sim - A Crower, Not A Shower - Making Soup With Granny - Russian Water

    This Week: Finish the main game! Next Week: Finish The Witches of Brigmore!

    Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

    Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    4 November 2024, 1:13 pm
  • 2 hours 38 minutes
    Dishonored Part 3: Are You Going To Believe The Outsider, Or Are You Going To Believe Adam Christopher?

    Square Roots - Episode 437 Level Up Starts at 2:01:33! Finally, we get to go to a party! And what a party it is. Lady Boyle sure had a blast in Jim's game. It was one hot party! Her outfit was straight fire! Jim shot her with incendiary bullets! Also Johnny and Vanessa do some ethical kidnapping, and Matthew is sad he didn't just kill all three sisters. Oh yeah, and we deal with the Lord Regent!

    - It's A Part in Canada! - Some Sisters Are Triplets! - Doxxxed! - Yeah But It's Webber... - YOU CAN POSSESS A FISH?! - Hanging Turt?

    This Week: Finish Lady Boyle's Last Party and Return To The Tower! Next Week: Finish the main game!

    Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

    Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    28 October 2024, 3:10 pm
  • 2 hours 30 minutes
    Dishonored Part 2: There Are No Skirts Or Dresses In This Universe

    Square Roots - Episode 436 Level Up Starts at 1:56:45! Don't worry if you tranq'd the dogs like Matt did, the dogs are fine! They were just asleep, and now they're at big farms in Tyria where the dogs can run and play! Such are the cruel realities of Dishonored, the Arkane Studios immersive funulator!

    - Lactaid is the PreP of the Dairy World - Let Me Solas Him - Vanessa Doesn't Like To Acknowledge The Passage of Time - There's A Scary in the Sewer - Are Ill People Zombies? - More Of A Johnny English Episode - I DON'T KNOW YOU - Electricity Makes People Sleepy

    This Week: Finish The House of Pleasure and The Royal Physician! Next Week: Finish Lady Boyle's Last Party and Return To The Tower!

    Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

    Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    21 October 2024, 12:21 pm
  • 2 hours 56 minutes
    Dishonored Part 1: Booby Trap

    Square Roots - Episode 435 Level Up Starts at 2:44:00! Matthew defeated nature and survived another hurricane, and we start a new game! This time it's the classic RPG (?) Dishonored, one of those immersive sims. Or 0451 games. Whatever you want to call it! We don't follow the Five Foot Rule of murders, get into jail, get out of jail, navigate some sewers and then deal with the High Overseer!

    - Upgrade Your Rat Stats - Gen Z doesnt even know what Planescape Is - It's not the request log - Johnny's super amazing joke - Its Imogen Heap, come on! - 1998 to 1993

    This Week: We start Dishonored, until the end of the Overseer Campbell mission! Next Week: The House of Pleasure, The Royal Physician, Lady Boyle’s Last Party

    Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

    Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    14 October 2024, 9:44 am
  • 2 hours 29 minutes
    Tactics Ogre Part 7 - Slam In The Back of My Dorgalua

    Square Roots - Episode 434 Level Up Starts at 2:07:45! I was thinking about making this episode description in the style of the Rob Zombie song, but that was too hard. Also? The lyrics are pretty weird. "Dead I am the rat, feast upon the cat, tender is the fur, dying as you purr"? Alright there Robert. BUT! On this chunker we finish Tactics Ogre! All of us! Surprisingly. Some of us are crowned king! Some of us go on exploring! Some of us get shot! There's a lot of options for endings here at Tactics Ogre. Also:

    - The Chaos Gate (Prounounced Chaos) - Welcome to the Ogre - The Real Tactics Ogre Is The Friends You Made Along The Way - A Mister Bean Run - The Original Sexy Grandma 

    This Week: Finish Tactics Ogre! Next Week: We start Dishonored, until the end of the Overseer Campbell mission!

    Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

    Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    7 October 2024, 8:20 am
  • 1 hour 26 minutes
    Square Roots vs. Themselves!

    It's a hurricane ep! Matt needs a week off due to weather (coughfootballcough) so the Square Roots gang plays some games and chats about hot gaming news. We will be back next week for the end of Tactics Ogre! 

    This Week: Hot nonsense! Next Week: Finish Tactics Ogre!

    Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

    Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    30 September 2024, 2:01 pm
  • 1 hour 42 minutes
    Tactics Ogre: Reborn Part 6 - You Put The Party Dude In The Does Machines Slot!

    Square Roots - Episode 432 We're trying something new! Level up is at 01:21:00, so enjoy the quest log first and then dive into our good times of what we played, watched, or who we saw drop a pizza. Vanessa and Matthew fail at rescuing the princess, who is still a bit stabby. Will Johnny rescue her? Find out next episode because Johnny was about six fights behind. THIS IS A LONG GAME OKAY Also: - Talking About How Terrible The Game AI Is, And Also Adaptive Cruise Control And Other Automotive Safety Features For Some Reason - The Lasagna Castle - People Is You - Fidget Bat-usi - Sometimes The Right Tactic Is To Be An Ogre!

    This Week: Half of Chapter 4, if possible, finish Barnicia Castle.  Next Week: Apparently finish the game, according to Matt now.

    Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

    Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    23 September 2024, 2:46 pm
  • 1 hour 43 minutes
    Tactics Ogre: Reborn Part 5 - Not Abuna Prancett!

    Square Roots - Episode 431 We're trying something new! Level up is at 01:13:00, so enjoy the quest log first and then dive into our good times of what we played, watched, or who we saw drop a pizza. On this stabby chunker of Tactics Ogre, the game has gone full Matsuno. Everyone's getting stabbed. The Hierophant's got a knife. Vyce has a knife. Knives everywhere, and lots of people with political grievances. Denam needs a +5 Suit Of No Stabby to get through this one unscathed. Also: - Final Fantasy VII: Repopolis - Vamp the Vamping Vampire - 1v1 NoScope Leonar - Everyone Loves a Ganpp - Zack, Streets, Slatts and Tiffany Turtle - It's a Game Word - Podcast Handsome

    This Week: Finish Chapter 3! Next Week: Half of Chapter 4, if possible, finish Barnicia Castle. 

    Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

    Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    16 September 2024, 10:49 am
  • 1 hour 46 minutes
    Tactics Ogre: Reborn Part 4 - The Grievance Corner

    Square Roots - Episode 430 Matt, Vanessa and Johnny pursue a Jimless chunker as they take a castle for the noble Wallisters! Or maybe for the evil Wallisters. Kind of depends on how you play it. Johnny gets a good time route full of fun banter while Matt and Vanessa are punished for their morality by having to explain to a guy why they killed his wife. Also: - The Taskmaster Cult - Vanessa Ruins Master Chef Kids - Johnny Gemini, Future Cop - Lanselot (Good) - Return of Garbage Orphans  - Mega Man's not about pressing buttons 

    This Week:  Play through Brigantys Castle in Chapter 3! Next Week:  Finish Chapter 3!

    Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

    Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    9 September 2024, 11:03 am
  • 1 hour 58 minutes
    Tactics Ogre: Reborn Part 3 - I'm Big Slubba

    Square Roots - Episode 429 There's so much sports talk at the end of this episode. You've been warned. But otherwise on this episode of Square Roots we make our way through Chapter 2 in Tactics Ogre: Reborn! Jim, Vanessa and Matt are doing the chaos path, meanwhile Johnny is doing the Lawful path on Let Us Cling Together, which he may or may not regret. Also: - Matt Has All The Powers Of A Cellphone Now - Deborah! I'm an Ogre! - Always On The Short List - Pete Gallagher With The Eyebrows - Feet & Pet Pics Tier

    This Week:  Finish Chapter 2! Next Week:  Play through Brigantys Castle in Chapter 3!

    Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

    Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    2 September 2024, 9:27 am
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