In this episode we discussed holiday-related boundaries. We talked about body and food-related boundaries, knowing our limits, and how to keep ourselves safe and honor our needs. For Liv, this has been one of the most painful lessons in recovery. Some of the challenges she has faced are well-meaning family members being overly focused on her body size and eating habits, and not understanding her needs as an empath and introvert.

For Tiffany, her challenges are self-expectations: hosting the family and ensuring everyone gets everything they might want. Sometimes, she has pushed herself to the point of exhaustion, and eaten foods she wouldn’t otherwise in fear of upsetting others.

This episode is packed full of hard won lessons, and potential solutions we can all use at this time of year.

We invite you to subscribe to our podcast, and tell us the ways in which you’re breaking free in our free Facebook community: Breaking Free Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/breakingfreecommunity.

#Recovery #Allpaths, #allpathways, #recoverypathways, #BreakingFree, #12steprecovery, #AlcoholicsAnonymous, #alternativepathways, #alternativesToAA, #sober, #sobriety,  diets dont work, #anti-diet, #IntuitiveEating, #Dietculture, #whycantIstopeating, #helpwithovereating, #bingeeating, #binging, #lifeafter12steprecovery, #bodyattunement, #Disorderedeating, #eatingdisorders, #sugaraddiction, #Alcoholism, #addiction, #howtolivesober, #sobriety, #howtostopdrinking, #recoverypodcast, #sobrietypodcast, #whatisintuitiveEating, #bodyrespect, #HAES, #healthateverysize, #bodypositivity, #BoPo, #foodrecovery, #BreakingFreeRecovery, #BreakingFree#Podcast, #Breaking Free:Your Recovery.Your Way., #recoverypatchwork, #eatingrecovery, #recoveryboundaries, #eatingdisorderrecovery, #disorderedeatingrecovery, #TiffanyThoen, #LivPennelle, #Liv’srecoverykitchen, #OliviaPennelle, #LivandTiffany

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In this episode, we talk about how self-expectation is so prevalent in our lives, especially as female entrepreneurs, and what we can do to be more realistic with our expectations of ourselves.

The longer we’ve been in recovery, the more awareness we’ve gained around self-expectation. That’s not uncommon for women, as sexist and binary as this is. We’re often expected to have two roles: looking after the household, taking care of kids if we have them, and going to work all week.

As business owners, we both have competing priorities. But we still experience a gap between what we think we can do and what we achieve. For Liv, she can then use that deficit in achievement as a reason to be critical of her abilities. For Tiffany, there are always so many things she wants to do and so many unreasonable expectations.

As an antidote to high self-expectation, we discuss boundaries with ourselves and others, particularly our clients. We practice business efficiency where we can, and we try different ways to manage our time and our endless to-do lists more effectively. We talk about the importance of downtime, saying no, and listening to and honoring what our bodies need.

We rang a bell for:

• Camp Yes
  
• Eat that Frog
  

We invite you to subscribe to our podcast, and tell us the ways in which you’re breaking free in our free Facebook community: Breaking Free Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/breakingfreecommunity.

#Recovery #Allpaths, #allpathways, #recoverypathways, #BreakingFree, #12steprecovery, #AlcoholicsAnonymous, #alternativepathways, #alternativesToAA, #sober, #sobriety,  diets dont work, #anti-diet, #IntuitiveEating, #Dietculture, #whycantIstopeating, #helpwithovereating, #bingeeating, #binging, #lifeafter12steprecovery, #bodyattunement, #Disorderedeating, #eatingdisorders, #sugaraddiction, #Alcoholism, #addiction, #howtolivesober, #sobriety, #howtostopdrinking, #recoverypodcast, #sobrietypodcast, #whatisintuitiveEating, #bodyrespect, #HAES, #healthateverysize, #bodypositivity, #BoPo, #foodrecovery, #BreakingFreeRecovery, #BreakingFree#Podcast, #Breaking Free:Your Recovery.Your Way., #recoverypatchwork, #eatingrecovery, #recoveryboundaries, #eatingdisorderrecovery, #disorderedeatingrecovery, #TiffanyThoen, #LivPennelle, #Liv’srecoverykitchen, #OliviaPennelle, #LivandTiffany

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In this episode we get real and share our journey in self-forgiveness. Tiffany shares why this topic is near and dear to her heart. She actually cries on air (might be a first, folks!).

We discuss about what prompted us to be intentional in doing self-forgiveness work. You might be surprised!)

We discuss barriers and how we can go about healing as laid out in an article by Beverly Engel L.M.F.T.: “One of the barriers to self-forgiveness …You may view self-forgiveness as ‘letting yourself off the hook,’ as if self-judgment is the only way to improve. But negative self-judgment and self-blaming can actually act as an obstacle to self-improvement. The more shame you feel about your past actions and behaviors, the more your self-esteem is lowered and the less likely it is you will feel motivated to change.”

Beverly goes on to examine how we can go about self-forgiveness.

1. Self-understanding
   
2. Common humanity
   
3. Earning your forgiveness: taking responsibility, apologizing and making amends
   
4. Asking for forgiveness from your higher power
   

We talked about the 5 apology languages. It's so important to know what is meaningful for you!

Liv shares her approach to self-forgiveness through the lens of parenting a small child.

Tiffany shares her favorite affirmations:

Ho’oponopono prayer: “I love you, I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you.”

And another that she adapted: “The person I was in that moment in time did the best that I could with the skills that I had. Forgiveness is a gift I give myself today.”

We rang a bell for:

• Sarah Blondin
  
• Dr. Brene Brown
  
• Tara Mohr
  
• Nadia Ghaffari, at Teenz Talk
  

We hope this episode has been encouraging and supports you in knowing that you are valuable and worthy of respect and you deserve forgiveness. If you are experiencing any barriers to self-forgiveness, we hope you will know you are not alone. Please, if you need it, get support!

Suicide is discussed in this episode. If you or someone you love is suicidal, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255.

We invite you to subscribe to our podcast, and tell us the ways in which you’re breaking free in our free Facebook community: Breaking Free Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/breakingfreecommunity.

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In this episode we talk about the much-avoided topic: SHAME. We explore how shame has wreaked havoc in our lives and then look to the experts for their perspective.

• Dr. Brene Brown talks about shame in her work. We love her work and her books. She highlights the difference between shame and guilt. Guilt is I did something bad, shame is I am bad. According to Brown, “Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging ... Shame creates feelings of fear, blame and disconnect.”
  
• From the Habits for Wellbeing Blog: Shame has been associated with depression, grief, anxiety, eating disorders, addiction and violence.
  
• An awesome article in The BMJ (British Medical Journal), that highlights the lack of research, and acknowledgement of the power of shame and its impact on health.
  

Liv talks about her experience of shame — feeling as though she wasn’t accepted in many areas of her life and working through it. We know that this work is an ongoing process. Tiffany shared how shame has shown up in her life, including in her relationship with food, in behaviors like numbing, overworking, and avoiding, and in feeling like she wasn't good enough and trying to make up for it.

We rang a bell for:

J.F. Benoist’s book: Addicted to the Monkey Mind.

Nadine Burke’s book: The Deepest Well.

Liv’s article on diet culture and shame, soon to be released by The Fix.

We also dive into what to do about shame, such as recognizing it and increasing awareness (knowing what it feels like in our body), speaking it, and sharing our story. Last but not least, we work on self-forgiveness. Be sure to listen to our next episode on self-forgiveness!

We invite you to subscribe to our podcast, and tell us the ways in which you’re breaking free in our free Facebook community: Breaking Free Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/breakingfreecommunity.

#Recovery #Allpaths, #allpathways, #recoverypathways, #BreakingFree, #12steprecovery, #AlcoholicsAnonymous, #alternativepathways, #alternativesToAA, #sober, #sobriety,  #diets #dont #work, #anti-diet, #Intuitive Eating, #Diet culture, #why #cant #I #stop #eating, #help #with #overeating, #binge #eating, #binging, #life #after #12 #step #recovery, #body attunement, #Disorderedeating, #eatingdisorders, #sugaraddiction, #Alcoholism, #addiction, #how #to #live #sober, #sobriety,#how tostopdrinking, #recoverypodcast, #sobrietypodcast, #whatisntuitiveEating, #bodyrespect, #HAES, #healthateverysize, #bodypositivity, #BoPo, #foodrecovery, #BreakingFreeRecovery, #BreakingFreePodcast, #Breaking Free: Your Recovery.Your Way., #recoverypatchwork, #eatingrecovery, #recoveryboundaries, #eatingdisorderrecovery, #disorderedeatingrecovery, #TiffanyThoen, #LivPennelle, #Liv’srecoverykitchen, #OliviaPennelle, #LivandTiffany

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Show notes:

In this conversation we talk to Irina about Latinx culture and her experience of stigma that surrounds mental health.

We also discuss what recovery looks like to her, what has been helpful in her recovery, and how to access support.

Suicide is discussed in this episode. If you or someone you love is suicidal, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255.

Resources

SAMHSA Behavioral Health Treatment Services Locator

Bio

Irina Gonzalez is an editor and freelance writer covering Latinx culture, sober living, parenting, and all things lifestyle. Her work has been featured in Oprah magazine, Glamour, Marie Claire, and more. She's also an audiobook enthusiast and creator of the Self-Care For Writers newsletter. She lives in Florida with her husband and their attention-loving kitties and pup. You can find her writing on her portfolio site, http://irinagonzalez.com, or by following her on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.

We invite you to subscribe to our podcast, and tell us the ways in which you’re breaking free in our free Facebook community: Breaking Free Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/breakingfreecommunity.

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As we alluded to in our conversation with Lynn: The instance of trauma and adverse childhood experiences is high for people in recovery, with at least two-thirds of us having experienced some kind of trauma.

We have a responsibility as members of the recovery community to be more trauma-aware so that we can support one another in getting the help we need, but also in being mindful of how certain behaviors could be triggering.

Here are some of the ways we can be more trauma-aware:

• If leading a meditation, consider that asking someone to close their eyes to meditate might be triggering. Provide alternative options
  
• Consider leaving the door to a meeting open
  
• Don’t block the exits
  
• Do not silence or minimize others’ experiences
  
• Do not practice toxic positivity
  
• Accept differences
  
• Understand that the 12-steps or another mutual-aid program cannot “fix” an individual and that outside help is required
  
• If in a sponsor role, consider pausing when someone mentions a trauma and know your limitations. If unsure, refer to guidelines about the role of a sponsor
  
• Know that a meeting is not the answer if someone is exhausted, or feeling triggered
  
• Do not make someone stay in a meeting if they try to leave because they are feeling triggered
  
• Read books about trauma: Childhood Disrupted, The Body Keeps the Score, and Trauma and the 12 Steps
  
• Never suggest that a sponsee make amends to an abuser
  
• Do not shame someone, or suggest they do more research, if one method of recovery doesn’t work for them
  

We invite you to subscribe to our podcast, and tell us the ways in which you’re breaking free in our free Facebook community: Breaking Free Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/breakingfreecommunity.

#Recovery #Allpaths, #allpathways, #recoverypathways, #BreakingFree, #12steprecovery, #AlcoholicsAnonymous, #alternativepathways, #alternativesToAA, #sober, #sobriety,  diets dont work, anti-diet, Intuitive Eating, Diet culture, why cant I stop eating, help with overeating, binge eating, binging, life after 12 step recovery, body attunement, Disordered eating, eating disorders, sugar addiction, Alcoholism, addiction, how to live sober, sobriety, how to stop drinking, recovery podcast, sobriety podcast, what is Intuitive Eating, body respect, HAES, health at every size, body positivity, BoPo, food recovery, Breaking Free Recovery, Breaking Free Podcast, Breaking Free: Your Recovery. Your Way., recovery patchwork, eating recovery, recovery boundaries, eating disorder recovery, disordered eating recovery, Tiffany Thoen, Liv Pennelle, Liv’s recovery kitchen, Olivia Pennelle, Liv and Tiffany

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What is body attunement/interoception? Interoception is the science-y word for body attunement. Tiffany’s definition is being intune with/or connected to our body so that we have an increased awareness of our needs.

Here are a few of the definitions we found in the medical journals in case you want to do some deep reading.

On the origin of Interoception: What is generally agreed upon by most current scholars is that interoception is the perception of the state of the body.

On Interoceptive Awareness Skills for Emotion Regulation-

Interoception is the perception of sensations from inside the body and includes the perception of physical sensations related to internal organ function such as heartbeat, respiration, satiety, as well as the autonomic nervous system activity related to emotions (Vaitl, 1996; Cameron, 2001; Craig, 2002; Barrett et al., 2004). Much of these perceptions remain unconscious; what becomes conscious, i.e., interoceptive awareness, involves the processing of inner sensations so that they become available to conscious awareness Cameron, 2001.https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5985305/

We discuss barriers to having body attunement such as:

• Adverse Childhood Experiences
  
• Untreated mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, physical pain, shame, and stigma
  
• Environmental, behavioral, and cultural barriers include “numbing,” screens, busy-ness, being shut down, being connected is not modeled
  
• Disconnected eating including having “shoulds” around food, food rules, and attempting appetite suppression
  

Last but not least, we share what we can do to increase body attunement — listen in to learn how!

We invite you to subscribe to our podcast, and tell us the ways in which you’re breaking free in our free Facebook community: Breaking Free Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/breakingfreecommunity.

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In this episode we talk to Dr. Jamie Marich about trauma. We discuss how to approach trauma healing in recovery and how to support yourself, as well as how to incorporate creativity and mindfulness into your healing process.

What we particularly love about Jamie — aside from her expertise on trauma healing — is her use of movement in trauma process, particularly dance, yoga, and martial arts. We talk about the use of those mediums to aid healing and enhance our creative abilities. Both Liv and Tiffany love her book, Process Not Perfection 

Last, we talk about how trauma can be identified within mutual-aid settings and how we can all be more trauma-aware in helping others with their journey.

More about Jamie: Jamie Marich, Ph.D., LPCC-S, LICDC-CS, REAT, RYT-200, RMT travels internationally speaking on topics related to EMDR therapy, trauma, addiction, expressive arts, and mindfulness while maintaining a private practice in her home base of Warren, OH. She is the developer of the Dancing Mindfulness practice (www.dancingmindfulness.com). Jamie is the author of five books, including the popular EMDR Made Simple and EMDR Therapy and Mindfulness for Trauma Focused Care (Springer Publishing in 2017), written in collaboration with Dr. Stephen Dansiger. Her newest title, Process Not Perfection: Expressive Arts Solutions for Trauma Recovery, was released in April 2019.

We invite you to subscribe to our podcast, and tell us the ways in which you’re breaking free in our free Facebook community: Breaking Free Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/breakingfreecommunity.

#Recovery #Allpaths, #allpathways, #recoverypathways, #BreakingFree, #12steprecovery, #AlcoholicsAnonymous, #alternativepathways, #alternativesToAA, #sober, #sobriety,  diets dont work, anti-diet, Intuitive Eating, Diet culture, why cant I stop eating, help with overeating, binge eating, binging, life after 12 step recovery, body attunement, Disordered eating, eating disorders, sugar addiction, Alcoholism, addiction, how to live sober, sobriety, how to stop drinking, recovery podcast, sobriety podcast, what is Intuitive Eating, body respect, HAES, health at every size, body positivity, BoPo, food recovery, Breaking Free Recovery, Breaking Free Podcast, Breaking Free: Your Recovery. Your Way., recovery patchwork, eating recovery, recovery boundaries, eating disorder recovery, disordered eating recovery, Tiffany Thoen, Liv Pennelle, Liv’s recovery kitchen, Olivia Pennelle, Liv and Tiffany

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Boundaries? What are those? They are so helpful in recovery (and life in general).

noun: boundary; plural noun: boundaries

• a line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line.
  

Not that kind of boundary, silly! Personal boundaries! Tiffany shares that for her, setting a boundary represents the ability to honor our needs and not try to fix others.

This blog post on loveisrespect.org called “Love is Setting Boundaries: “What Are My Boundaries?” helps clarify what boundaries might look like in a relationship.

Liv shares what boundaries mean to her, and introduces Tiffany and our listeners to the awesome Nedra Tawwab and her insightful posts on boundaries.

We talk about problems that we had before we started intentionally practicing boundaries, such as resentment.

Check out Melody Beattie’s book Codependent No More.

We then dive into the how to’s of of setting boundaries, even in the middle of a conflict.

We love what our friend Veronica Valli of Soberful says about boundaries: “Say what you mean, mean what you say and say it without being mean.”

And again the fabulous Nedra Tawwab has an awesome post for us:

We know it's not easy, so be gentle with yourself and tune in for the rest!

We invite you to subscribe to our podcast, and tell us the ways in which you’re breaking free in our free Facebook community: Breaking Free Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/breakingfreecommunity.

#Recovery #Allpaths, #allpathways, #recoverypathways, #BreakingFree, #12steprecovery, #AlcoholicsAnonymous, #alternativepathways, #alternativesToAA, #sober, #sobriety,  diets dont work, anti-diet, Intuitive Eating, Diet culture, why cant I stop eating, help with overeating, binge eating, binging, life after 12 step recovery, body attunement, Disordered eating, eating disorders, sugar addiction, Alcoholism, addiction, how to live sober, sobriety, how to stop drinking, recovery podcast, sobriety podcast, what is Intuitive Eating, body respect, HAES, health at every size, body positivity, BoPo, food recovery, Breaking Free Recovery, Breaking Free Podcast, Breaking Free: Your Recovery. Your Way., recovery patchwork, eating recovery, recovery boundaries, eating disorder recovery, disordered eating recovery, Tiffany Thoen, Liv Pennelle, Liv’s recovery kitchen, Olivia Pennelle, Liv and Tiffany

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In this episode, Liv and Tiffany interview Lynn Matti and dig into adverse childhood experiences and the groundbreaking ACE study. We explore how common trauma is in people with substance use disorder, and we examine the challenges individuals in recovery with a trauma history might face. We also look at how those challenges might be experienced in mutual-aid programs and the need for individualized recovery plans.

Bio: Lynn Matti, MA, LPCC, is a person-centered and cognitive behavioral licensed counselor and recovery leader who mentors, counsels, and coaches online and in-person at the intersection of resilience, courage, and hope. With her expertise, authenticity, and commitment to life-long learning, she helps others find their truest self and learn the skills needed to build and sustain meaningful mental wellness. She brings tested, interesting, and fun practices and perspectives to her individual clients and group endeavors. In addition to a thriving private counseling/coaching practice in Peachtree City, GA,, Lynn is the creator and host of The SoberSoul Recovery Podcast, a top-rated addiction, recovery, and self-improvement podcast. Each week, Lynn tackles the many issues of life and recovery, trauma, grief, anxiety, depression, relocation, divorce, empty nest, loneliness, substance overuse and abuse, and much more. The SoberSoul Recovery approach is to make quality therapy accessible for all who desire it.

Contacts:

SoberSoulRecovery.net

The SoberSoul Recovery Podcast

Facebook

Instagram

We invite you to subscribe to our podcast, and tell us the ways in which you’re breaking free in our free Facebook community: Breaking Free Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/breakingfreecommunity.

#Recovery #Allpaths, #allpathways, #recoverypathways, #BreakingFree, #12steprecovery, #AlcoholicsAnonymous, #alternativepathways, #alternativesToAA, #sober, #sobriety,  diets dont work, anti-diet, Intuitive Eating, Diet culture, why cant I stop eating, help with overeating, binge eating, binging, life after 12 step recovery, body attunement, Disordered eating, eating disorders, sugar addiction, Alcoholism, addiction, how to live sober, sobriety, how to stop drinking, recovery podcast, sobriety podcast, what is Intuitive Eating, body respect, HAES, health at every size, body positivity, BoPo, food recovery, Breaking Free Recovery, Breaking Free Podcast, Breaking Free: Your Recovery. Your Way., recovery patchwork, eating recovery, recovery boundaries, eating disorder recovery, disordered eating recovery, Tiffany Thoen, Liv Pennelle, Liv’s recovery kitchen, Olivia Pennelle, Liv and Tiffany

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“Oh, you look great! Did you lose weight?” “Are you really going to eat that?” These are milder things people “innocently” ask, but there are so many more questions and comments that are even more harmful. In this episode we dive into how to set boundaries with friends and family around food and body comments.

We love this Self article on the importance of ending body and weight loss “compliments.” Why are women's bodies and what we choose to put in our bodies up for discussion? It is nobody's business!

This Fat Girl Flow article is brilliant and so needed. They point out that health is not a moral issue, and asks people to stop justifying comments with this cop-out.

You can also check out Coach Tiffany’s blog on boundaries for more tips!

Listen in to hear our take on how to set boundaries around these sensitive subjects. It's not easy, but we are here for you. Remember, together, we are breaking free!

We invite you to subscribe to our podcast, and tell us the ways in which you’re breaking free in our free Facebook community: Breaking Free Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/breakingfreecommunity.

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