Let’s set the scene-

You’ve planned the perfect evening.

A Friday night—date night.

You and your wife are dressed to the nines. There’s a show, a fantastic dinner, and deep conversation that reconnects your hearts.

But then you arrive back home…

What are you hoping will happen next?

Here’s the truth: that unspoken hope—your expectation—might be doing more harm than you realize.

When a husband subconsciously expects intimacy, it can feel like pressure to his wife.

And that pressure? It makes her withdraw. Intimacy begins to feel transactional—like something she owes you, a “reward” for good effort, rather than a mutual outpouring of love.

In fact, the more you expect it, the less she’ll desire it.

So, how do you break free from this pattern and draw her closer instead?

Here are three key ideas:

1. Drop the expectations & be content in your life (find true contentment in life by letting God satisfy you in many ways)

2. Share your feelings more with your wife (She needs emotional connection in order to be open to physical intimacy)

3. Think strategically about your marriage (You’re intentional about your career, your goals—why not your marriage?)

In today’s episode, we unpack these three steps and explore how to release the pressure of expectations, discover fulfillment outside of intimacy (even when sex isn’t in the picture) [We highly recommend you checking out Ep. 417: Re-sensitize Your Pleasure for more on this topic], and create a marriage that’s full of joy, connection, and God-honoring pleasure.

We believe God when he said he meant for couples to be “one flesh”. And we believe that he created intimacy to be unifying, satisfying, and connecting heart, soul, and body.

We hope this episode brings a new perspective and new joy, intimacy, and connection into your marriage.

God bless you!

Belah & Team

PS - If this episode resonates with you, we highly recommend signing up for our FREE Masculinity Reclaimed Foundations Course at delightym.com/mrf.

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent MRF graduate:

"We were emotionally, intimately, and spiritually disconnected. We lived in the same house but didn't live together. I was angry and bitter, critical of everything, and judgmental. I hated that about myself. [Now,] My wife and I are closer than we have ever been! She has a glow. It's crazy how much we love each other. Life is fun! I can't stand to be without her. Glory to God!”

We know that intimacy is an integral part of married life. 

But what happens when that intimacy… isn’t happening? 

You’ve tried to explain, you’ve tried to give your point of view, you’ve even tried to give pointers, and still… nothing.

What can you do?

At Delight Your Marriage, we have developed a framework for what men and women need in order to feel loved and thrive in their marriages and, in turn, move towards intimacy. When these things are missing from a marriage, it can often cause bitterness, resentment, and can lead to months, even years, of lack of intimacy, physical or otherwise.

Here is what we have determined the framework to be:

What Women Need:

1. To be safe

2. To be known

3. To be whole-heartedly cherished

What Men Need:

1. To be respected

2. To be admired

3. To have whole-heartedly sexual intimacy

When these key elements are missing- everything else crumbles. If you are reading (or listening) and wondering why your spouse has not initiated intimacy or why they shut down initiations - look back to this list. Are you giving this to your spouse? We hope today’s episode will bless you as we shed some light on this topic, expand on the ‘why’ behind these needs, and give practical ways on how to implement this framework - not only for the goal of physical intimacy, but for the goal of having a thriving and beautiful marriage.

We are rooting for you!

God bless,

Belah & Team

PS - To check out the Marital Health Assessment mentioned in this episode, visit https://delightyourmarriage.com/mhac/

PPS - If you are wanting to grow in your marriage and learn exactly how to implement this framework (and get support while you do it!), we would love to talk to you. https://delightyourmarriage.com/cc

We are so glad to be able to share a re-release episode with you this week! My husband, Dario, joins us again and he, as always, has some words of encouragement for you. We hope this episode does indeed encourage you and bless you!

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Nov. 11, 2021

Don’t give up. 

My goal today is to encourage you. You’re doing a really good job. Just by tuning in, you’re winning.

You’re seeking to love your spouse well, even when it doesn’t look like it matters. 

You’re seeking to do God’s will in the midst of your circumstances. 

My husband is on the show today because he’s the best encourager that I know. And I want you to hear from him how much he wants you to know, you’re on the right path, you’re doing the right thing, and I am proud of you. 

Love,

Belah

PS – If you need help right away, get with a Clarity Advisor to see how we can help you: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPS – If you have yet to check out our free stuff — do so here! delightyourmarriage.com/free

It’s so easy to focus on the weaknesses of your spouse. 

In fact, it’s one of the easiest things to do when you think of them, but if you can imagine being in your spouse’s shoes, everything you say and do, picked apart and looked at under a magnifying glass… That doesn’t help them live their best life and thrive. 

I invite you to instead accept your spouse‘s weaknesses. They have them. You have them. And look instead at their strengths. Notice what they’re doing right and comment on it.

Today. I’m joined by my husband, Dario, who is an amazing father and amazing husband. I’m very honored to walk this road of life alongside him. But he sees me at my very worst and he accepts those weaknesses, but he also supports me in them. So, like many of you, I can be on my screen too much or not want to go to sleep on time amongst other weaknesses… And my husband is so gracious, gentle, but also responsible to help me do what I need to do to live my best for God.

I invite you to support your spouse and their weaknesses, but also really focus on their strengths and help them to realize the good that God has placed in them. I hope even this weekend you will have more grace for your spouse and focus on the good in them. 

God bless you! 

Love, 

Belah

We’re thrilled to share Craig’s story with you today.

For years, Craig and his wife were stuck in a painful cycle—“You always ____,” “You never _____”—both keeping score, building walls of resentment, and matching hurt with hurt. Things seemed like they’d never change.

Then, a friend from church mentioned the transformation he had experienced through Delight Your Marriage. Craig was skeptical at first, but as the months passed, he couldn’t deny the remarkable shift in his friend’s life. That’s when Craig decided to take the first step and schedule a Clarity Call.

What surprised him most was that the change didn’t come from trying to fix his wife—it started with him. Within the first month, Craig embraced a new way of showing up: becoming “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” Through his own transformation, the marriage began to heal.

Today, Craig shares with joy that his children will never have to grow up in a divided home. The family tree will remain unbroken, with a straight and strong trunk—thanks to the tools, community, and growth Craig found through our program.

We hope Craig’s story reminds you that change is possible. It’s possible to break free from arguments. It’s possible to experience peace and joy in your marriage. And it’s possible for God to rewrite your story in ways you never imagined.

We believe in you, and we are cheering you on.

Love,

Belah & Team

PS - If you want a change in your marriage like Craig had, with no more arguing and no more resentment, we would love to talk with you. Check out our free Clarity Call here: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPS - Check out this testimonial from (another) recent graduate:

“My wife had her mind pretty much set on divorce. She said she had an upcoming meeting with an attorney when I first joined the program. My stress level was up, my appetite was pretty much nothing, and I couldn't sleep. [After MR}, I have grown spiritually, mentally, and feel more whole as a person. My wife and I have come to a place in our marriage where it used to be, like when we first got married. We are happy to be around each other again, can't wait to see each other at the end of the day, and have more connected conversations again.”

We have the honor and privilege of sharing Lindsay's Transformation Story today.

For years, she struggled with the pain of infidelity, unsure if she could ever trust her husband again. But when her husband decided to join the Masculinity Reclaimed program, the changes she saw in him stirred something in her heart. That’s when she reached out, booked a free Clarity Call, and joined the Delighted Wife program. 

Through God’s grace, their marriage has been completely transformed. Moments once marked by tension and fear have been replaced by playfulness and peace. She has rediscovered the joy of being with her husband, and together they are experiencing a marriage that has truly been redeemed by the Lord.

We give all the glory to God for this incredible renewal. Time and time again, He proves that no situation is beyond His redemption.

If you’ve felt hopeless about your marriage, let this story remind you that there is truly no relationship too far gone for Him to redeem. 

Love,

Belah & Team

PS - If you want to try our free Clarity Call like Lindsay did and talk with one of our Clarity Advisors, we would love to chat with you: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: “Seven years ago, my husband began a 3 year affair with an employee… After a separation in our own home we each began our own counseling... After 4 years of marriage counseling and feeling stuck in a marriage that was barely hanging on, I discovered your program. I found hope for my marriage and began to see my husband in a different light.

I was ready to quit, I had considered divorce. [Now], I am able to appreciate the small things my husband does, I am able to give compliments which he appreciates. I am practicing vulnerability and playfulness!... It’s changed the way I see my husband.”

Today’s episode is an incredible story of God‘s transformative power.

From a man who started out broken and lonely, with a history he wasn’t proud of, God was able to take his little seed of faith, his little seed of hope that just maybe something could change for him, too.

He decided to sign up for a free Clarity Call, and then to join our program. He went through the program once on his own.

Eventually, his wife saw some changes in him and decided that she wanted to do the work to heal from their past. 

Ultimately, they both did the program at the same time, and praise the Lord, they are completely renewed and restored.

You would not believe the description that Jim gives of their marriage today. He said that it’s the way he always dreamed marriage could be.

I hope this gives you encouragement, that you too, can have a marriage rescue no matter the past. God can redeem.

If you’d like our help, we’d love to help you on a free Clarity Call. Delightyourmarriage.com/cc 

Love,

Belah & Team

PS There IS hope, dear one! Healing is what Jesus does! Bring it to Him and ask for His touch. Our programs can help with the healing process and equip you with the tools. Jesus does the rest! Take that step of faith...delightyourmarriage.com/cc.

From someone who did:

"Celebrating making it to 12 weeks when I thought I wouldn’t make the course at all... GOD is great! ...Loving my husband again after infidelity on both sides - never in my wildest dreams did I think it was possible to find that love again and so quickly. The peace God has bestowed upon my marriage, life, house, and children since walking through this course... I love life and am dreaming again because God has brought healing to my marriage. It’s like all the stop buttons that were pushed because I was out of alignment with God’s will in my marriage have been pushed to GO/GREEN again and I feel more aligned, more focused, and things are moving again."

Is it true? Are you sure it’s true? How often do we ask these questions when an anxious thought comes to our mind? Too often we allow ourselves to assume a thought is true and allow the anxiety to drive us to choices we don't want to make. 

Anxiety is fear. Stress is masked fear. And controlling or mothering behavior... yep... it's also fear.

The Bible is crystal clear: Do not fear. Be anxious for nothing.

If you want to break free from this snare, it starts with 1) calming your physical body 2) investigating the mental tapes playing in your mind. What anxious thoughts have you allowed to run your life? ‘I’m not good enough’ 'I'm a failure as a husband' "My husband doesn't love me" 

Whatever it is, I challenge you to investigate those thoughts. Get curious about your anxiety.

When you work on acknowledging and understand your fears, you build the resilience needed to face them, biblically. It’s not about denying the struggle; it’s about leaning in and clarifying what is actually going on. 

This is a technique adapted from Byron Katie, and it is a series of questions you ask yourself. 

A - What mental tape am I repeating? B - Is it true? C - Am I absolutely sure it’s true? 

There are a couple more steps we talk through in the podcast, which I'm very excited for you to listen to! 

May God give you grace to walk in His abundant peace and comfort. 

Love, Belah and Team

PS - If you want help rewriting that mental tape and want help getting rooted in the truth of Scripture and your marriage, we would love to talk to you. Please contact us at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: “[Some of my] quick fire celebrations: -The peace God has bestowed upon my marriage, life, house, and children since walking through this course -The new refreshed hope I have in Jesus -Praying and reading my Bible and actually getting together with people who love and believe in Jesus. I was repulsed by Christians for a while but I now see value in community after doing this course.  -The way I’ve grown to know what God thinks about marriage and life in general. He actually wants to make it easy and wants to help us not make us work hard or struggle like slaves for the sake of marriage. HE REALLY IS GOOD.”

Have you ever felt so disconnected in your marriage that you wondered if it was worth fighting for?

Kevin found himself in that very place—emotionally, spiritually, and physically distant from his wife. Harshness and criticism seemed to cloud their every interaction, leaving him discouraged and ready to give up. He felt his energy was drained and was unmotivated in many aspects of life. 

He took the courage to sign up and speak with Dana on a Clarity Call, he felt it gave him insights into himself and helped him discover what was at the root of their disconnection.

He felt he wasn't the role model he'd want to be for his children. He had allowed his marriage to be transactional which he knew wasn't what God designed marriage to be. That's when he decided he wasn't giving his family all that he should and he signed up for the men's program.

Through this journey, Kevin began to implement the daily gratitudes—a practice that sparked a profound shift in his mindset. He was encouraged through his Coaching Calls to stand firm as the spiritual leader he longed to be for his family, even amidst resistance. He finally feels he is spiritually leading his family.

We are so proud of Kevin and know that the same change he saw in his marriage can happen with yours. As he shared with us, where there is breath, there is hope. We believe this podcast will encourage you that God CAN heal this marriage. He may be calling you to be the very one who does it, by changing yourself. 

Love,

Belah & Team

PS -  If you are interested in a Clarity Call and speaking with one of our advisors as Kevin did, we would love to talk with you: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPS - Here a quote from a (different) recent graduate:

“Some of my biggest celebrations: Our relationship, our discussions have become much more peaceful, easygoing and playful than before!... She has expressed often how she likes the changes she sees in me… I have a renewed hope that things can get better. I now have a clearer vision of my role as a husband and how things can and should be. I have grown in confidence by learning what is the path to get there. I understand my wife so much better now and realize that contrary to what I thought before, she is not broken!... One change that I think is the most telling of how the DYM program has impacted our lives: Prior to the program we had been sleeping in separate rooms for years. I am thankful to say that I am back in our marriage bed, physically, emotionally – for good now!”

By the end of this episode, I hope you'll get this, men: Courage. Character. Restraint.

What I really want to share is that if you want your wife to follow you and be turned on by you, cowardice isn't sexy... to say the least.

It's true that the "righteous are as bold as a lion". If you want to grow in courage you must grow in your character.

When you lie to yourself or to others, you are undermining your confidence and courage. 

You are the leader of your home. Whether you feel that way or not, what you do (or don't do) creates the culture. 

You are the first man your children ever see as a role model. 

You are the first husband your wife has ever had. 

You are their standard. 

If you "follow" your father, and don't realize you're a leader, you will fall into the same issues he had.

But if you realize that you're a lion, you are a leader. You have the opportunity to do everything differently. 

It starts with looking at your character. 

It starts with not lying. 

You must work on integrating all the parts of yourself: your spirituality, sexuality, wealth, family life, etc, etc, etc.

When your character is your focus and goal to increase, you become more courageous. When you can be honest with the tiny, then you can make big decisions easily. 

I give some embarrassing examples that I hope you can learn from (at my expense). 

Please know I love you and am praying for you. 

Blessings, 

Belah

PS - If you’re ready to take the next step in fighting for your marriage, we want to talk with you. Please contact us at delightyourmarriage.com/cc and schedule a totally free Clarity Call with us.

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:

Before the Masculinity Reclaimed Program: “I often felt disrespected and controlled. To a degree I felt unloved because of the lack of physical intimacy.

I often felt I couldn’t be myself or express my opinion because of the disapproval I would feel when I did. There was anger and indifference growing in me. We were growing further and further apart… hopelessness was making me accept the fact that we would continue to become more and more estranged until one or both of us died.”

After MR: “I have a renewed hope that things can get better. I now have a clearer vision of my role as a husband and how things can and should be. I have grown in confidence by learning what is the path to get there.

I understand my wife so much better now and realize that contrary to what I thought before, she is not broken! Anxiousness about when sex will happen next is pretty much gone.

Our communication is so much better: we have not had an argument since the beginning of the program. I am sharing more of myself now – my wife will not die without knowing her husband of all these years!”

Consider this: you might be more like Paul than you realize. Yes, Paul—the apostle whose praises were so powerful they shook prison walls, and who found joy even in his suffering. What could you possibly have in common with him?

Well, Paul had a thorn in his side. A persistent struggle that he begged God to remove. I’m willing to bet there’s a thorn in your side too—something you’ve desperately asked God to take away. Whether it’s sexual sin, pride, greed, jealousy, or anger, this thorn is your personal struggle.

I am here to tell you: Embrace the thorn in your side. This might sound counterintuitive, but in your weakness, God’s strength is made perfect. The thorn is there for a reason. God has given it to you to keep you humble, to remind you that you’re not in control of everything, and to draw you closer to Him.

How do folks often respond to their (God-given) thorns?

Disassociate. Disown. Disregard.

Disassociating yourself from these struggles—especially the deep ones like hidden addictions—can be perilous.

Essentially, if you do not embrace your thorn, it is the enemy's playground to attack you in the same way again... and again... and again... to the destruction of all those you love and the reputation of the gospel that you represent to others. 

We are urging you, bring these struggles into the light. Seek accountability, find support, and create a plan. On the good days it's easier to make that plan and structure to support you on the hard days that you know will come... because you've embraced the thorn that is God's gift which keeps you humble.

Important: Perfection isn’t required- 80% of a plan is enough to start making meaningful progress. The point is to start. Remember when you perceive the negative pattern in your history, it's time to take action so you can prevent things going downhill... for when you are weak, then you are strong.

This week, I encourage you to identify your thorn (start with one, we likely all have many! I certainly do), confront it, confess it to God, repent and confess it to safe people. Then, know that He forgives you and makes a way of escape for the future so you can truly truly walk in the humility that comes through the gift of this thorn... because His grace IS sufficient for you.

Love,

Belah & Team

PS - If you are interested in learning more about our program, maybe even getting that accountability in your life, we would love to talk to you. Check out delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPS - I am excited to share with you a resource that I believe will be of value for your marital intimacy!

A group of pro-marriage / intimacy experts have gotten together and are doing a sex seminar. These are folks that believe marriage is right and good but they are not necessarily Bible-believing Christians. 

Amongst really valuable and wise content, there will likely be perspectives represented that I don’t 100% agree with. 

I encourage you (as always) to seek discernment from God to gain the good insights that may be in this event and leave what may not be helpful to you. 

Keep eternity in mind: at the end of it all we want to hear from God “well done.” We want it to be true that we loved the spouse we were given with a servant heart and according to His Word.

I hope you gain wonderful encouragement and practical ideas to love your spouse well through intimacy!

Here are the links- 2024 Sex Seminar: https://shop.thedatingdivas.com/discount/DYM24?redirect=%2Fproducts%2Fsex-seminar-2024

Sex Seminar Bundle (all 5 years): https://shop.thedatingdivas.com/discount/DYMBUNDLE24?redirect=%2Fproducts%2Fsex-seminar-bundle-2024

PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "After 8 years of marriage, we had both grown complacent in investing in each other…  I have long struggled with pornography and I tend to be a bit of a workaholic while my wife has been at home with our kids for 15 years. It seems we took every one of those opportunities to create distance in our relationship… [Now], I'm taking ownership. This is my home. This is my marriage. She is my wife. Ours is a union blessed by God. In taking my roles as husband, father, help mate more seriously, my whole family has begun to benefit. The man's role is not to simply coexist, but to lead the marriage and family. I can make a difference in the family by leading to and with God.”