Episode 509 – It’s a Sobriety Problem

Today we have Nicole. She is 46 years old from Fairfax, VA. She took her last drink on May 18th, 2023.

If you are seeking community on your alcohol-free journey, Café RE is just the place. We have been off Facebook for over a month, and we love our new home. In addition, we are also a non-profit. We would love to see you there!

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[03:32] Thoughts from Paul:

Paul is always saving lines or notes that he would like to use in future podcasts. Today he reads a bunch of those that haven’t quite found a home yet. This includes random stats, some of the consequences of drinking, how alcohol affects us, and that connection is an important component in our lives regardless of addiction status.

[09:02] Paul introduces Nicole:

Nicole lives in northern Virginia with her partner. They have three cats, one dog and three horses. Nicole and her partner both participate in dressage and eventing. She enjoys running marathons.

Nicole says she did not start drinking when she was young. When she was in her late teens she started a 12 year long modeling career. Due to the weight restrictions around her modeling contract, she says she could not afford the calories from alcohol.

Her drinking began when she was in grad school in her 30s. She began casually drinking with some friends and was always a little leery of alcohol with an unexplainable concern that she might develop a problem but ignored it. COVID definitely had an impact on her. Around that time, she was also going through a divorce and her father had developed some chronic health issues.

Nicole feels she had control of her drinking for five to seven years and reflects that it’s like you have control of it until you don’t. She says she wasn’t the type to drink to excess which allowed her to compare herself to others and believed she didn’t have a problem. Ignoring the red flags in her drinking habits, it was when Nicole caught herself shaking while trying to sign in to a work conference that she realized she was having consequences. Because she minored in addiction studies, she feels that knowledge pushed her to observe herself and her drinking.

Nicole decided to try to cut back on her drinking like she did with smoking. She was not able to successfully do it. She was beginning to realize she had to drink even when she didn’t want to. Nicole started looking into outpatient rehab and no one would take her because she was having shakes. She reluctantly went to inpatient rehab with the plan of staying for one week. Nicole ended up doing the full 30 days after realizing she could not do this alone. She uses Vivitrol (Naltrexone) and is a proponent of medical treatment for addictions.

Nicole didn’t do AA having a hard time wrapping her ideas around it. She chose therapy and SMART recovery. Her background in science has helped her understand possible triggers. She finds having a plan very important to avoid boredom, which she learned is a trigger for her. Nicole feels that the intensity of the coping mechanism needs to match the intensity of the craving.

Nicole’s parting piece of guidance: you are not alone, be pro-choice in your recovery, try to trust yourself a little bit.

[00:00] Outro:

If there is a question that you would like to have Paul answer on the air of the RE podcast, record a voice memo and email it to [email protected]. We will select a coup for Paul to answer on the air.

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Episode 508 – Your Job is to Have Fun

Today we have Fanny. She is 39 years old and lives in Wilmington, NC. She took her last drink on February 3rd, 2021.

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[01:43] Intro:

Better Rhodes recently sent Paul a couple of drinks to sample, and he shares that they were all fantastic. Gone are the days when O’Doul’s was the only alcohol-free option around.  Paul says his favorite was Hiyo.

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[04:05] More thoughts from Paul:

Paul shares an article called Benefits of Play for Adults that shares the importance of being playful as adults. Remember that as a child, you were naturally playful without alcohol. Somewhere along the way we forget how to be playful and then we link alcohol with having fun.

This is great news for healing. Just like some of us have goals to hit a certain amount of steps in our day, you should aim to have at least a certain amount of laughs. Laughter is the best medicine and some of the side effects may be a boost to your immune system, release of endorphins, reduction of stress and anxiety and improvement of mood.

Your job, listeners, is to have fun. The healing pathway will contain challenges, but overall, it cannot be more stressful or boring than when you were drinking. You need to have fun and please don’t take yourself too seriously at any moment on this journey.

[09:48] Paul introduces Fanny:

Fanny has lived in NC most of her life and recently proposed to her fiancé who she plans to marry in March. For her profession, she says it’s all things food. Recipe developer, food writer and content creator. For fun, Fanny enjoys outside activities such as biking, hiking and walking her dogs.

During high school and college, Fanny says she drank like any other college kid and always enjoyed a party. Over time, Fanny found herself using alcohol to push down negativity and some lingering questions about her sexuality.

When Fanny moved to California for a while, she said drinking was fun again. She says she learned a lot about herself there including that she didn’t want to be an actress, her real passion was food, and she found herself wanting to return to North Carolina.

After moving back, Fanny met someone, and they eventually married. Drinking was a big part of their lifestyle. They moved to Illinois for his job right before the pandemic and found themselves isolated without family and friends. Fanny says the drinking ramped up and there were some incidents that gave her a lot of guilt and shame. They eventually divorced and Fanny moved back to NC.

Fanny started a relationship with a friend from college who expressed their concerns over drinking because their ex had an issue. Fanny assured her that she was not like she was in college. After a two-day bender, it was Fanny’s girlfriend that helped her call her parents and get some help. Fanny was able to find a rehab in Western NC with the help of her therapist.

Fanny says the first few days were tough, but eventually she settled in and became a sponge trying to learn everything about the addiction. Through her rehab she was exposed to several different recovery modalities and found she enjoys Recovery Dharma the most. She really identifies and enjoys the Buddhist perspective on recovery.

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Episode 507 - Why the First 30 Days Can be Rough

Today we have Jason. He is 56 years old and from Minneapolis, MN. He took his last drink on December 31st, 2021.

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[01:06] Intro:

In today’s episode you are going to hear Jason say that he doesn’t identify as an alcoholic. How many alcoholics do you think have been interviewed on the podcast? Paul says the answer is zero.

Zero because whenever people hear the word alcoholic, the first things that come to mind are homeless, living under a bridge, brown paper bag. Zero guests have fit this description.

Studies show that only 5% of alcoholics are actually homeless, living under a bridge, etc. However we are all walking the same path regardless of how far it takes us.

It’s never too late to get help, and we’ve got your back. The real villain here is alcohol, not the addict. In 2024, you can be alcohol-free, you can be sober, you can be sober curious, you can be an alcoholic in recovery. At the end of the day it’s all about getting honest with yourself.

[04:16] More thoughts from Paul:

Drinking can be challenging in the first 30 days. Paul shares with us a piece about this that uses an analogy comparing our brain and neurotransmitters to toy boxes and toys.

During recovery, our brain is resetting itelf now that the alcohol is halted. This will take time. A couple of week to a couple of months. Go slow, be kind to yourself and let the body heal. Your part is not drinking, and the universe solves the other part which is time.

[07:36] Paul introduces Jason:

Jason has lived in Minnesota all of his lfe, currently in Minneapolis. He is married with two sons, 14 and 12. He works in sales. Jason says for fun, he is getting into golf and he is a pilot who enjoys flying for fun as well as for business.

Jason says he had his first drink as a junior in high school. It wasn’t a remarkable event but he ended up becoming a typical drinker: parties and weekends, etc. He got married when he was 21 to his first wife, and she did not drink. Therefore Jason didn’t drink much during his 20s. The company he worked in sales for, had a big drinking culture that Jason started to get more involved in. Around the same time his marriage wasn’t working out and he found himself divorced and drinking more often afterwards. At the time it didn’t feel out of control although in hindsight Jason feels it was excessive – almost daily and every weekend complete with hangovers.

In his 40s Jason met his current wife who is a social drinker. His drinking continued, but he did begin to question it. He began to try a lot of methods of moderations, some of them worked for him but it became exhausting after doing it for about five years. On December 17th of 2021, he had decided he was going to quit. He says he drank a lot for the first week or so after that as a reminder to himself of how bad it was.

On New Year’s Eve, Jason had two beers and ended up dumping out half of his third. He was done. Jason said the first month went well and the biggest thing he missed was having something to look forward to. Once he made the decision it wasn’t that hard for Jason.

Jason shares that he read a lot and listened to podcasts which really helped him. He mentions the book Almost Alcoholic which helped him identify that he was in the middle ground with his drinking.  Jason has had no desire to return to drinking and his cravings were few and far between over the last nearly three years. Going forward, Jason wants to find more hobbies and things he enjoys doing with his kids. He enjoys the subtle calm that is in his life now.

Jason’s parting piece of guidance: you don’t have to identify as an alcoholic for quitting to be the best option for you.

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Episode 506 – Drink Yourself Sober

Today we have James. He is 33 years old from Birmingham, UK and he took his last drink in May 30th, 2023.

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[03:57] Thoughts from Paul:

Today’s guest James said something that sparked a dormant memory for Paul, which was to drink yourself sober. Paul shares how in the summer of 2014, he knew he was quitting drinking, it was just a matter of time. He was reading quit lit and the alcohol was no longer working for him.

Trying to expedite the quitting, Paul drank with the intent to give himself more reasons to quit. Even though he does not recommend anyone do this he shares this as a reminder that paid that we listen to, embrace, and no longer run from can be one of the best teachers. It can shine light on where not to go. And pain is also the crack where the light of healing enters.

As Paul has mentioned in a recent episode – it takes what it takes, and he had to embrace the pain and even purposely step into it more in order to start the healing.

[08:52] Paul introduces James:

James is 33 years old; he works in administration at a university. He is a musician in a few bands and has been doing a lot of touring. He also enjoys reading, walking with his partner and spending time with his cats.

James shares that he doesn’t remember his first drink but remembers a few occasions in his teens where he went overboard when there was free access to alcohol. He says it was clear from the start that he was “all or nothing” when it came to drinking.

Between ages 18 and 26, James worked in bars and was around alcohol a good bit. He also got introduced to other drugs but saw his usage of alcohol and drugs just part of the lifestyle. Both James and his partner had transitioned to 9-5 jobs. He says he took the lifestyle with him, but she did not. This contributed to them drifting apart. Since he was able to work hard and party hard, he didn’t see an issue.

After moving to another town alone, James says there was less of a balance between work and play and on a few occasions feels he should have lost his job. If anyone ever spoke to him about his drinking, he would brush it off as he was just living in the moment and as an artist the struggle would benefit his work.

Off and on, James would moderate and was able to quit for a bit in 2020. After a little over 100 days, he felt like the monotony of the day-to-day got to him and he started drinking again. He didn’t care much about his job and was somewhat relieved to be able to go to gigs with the bands and not worry about not drinking.

He ended up moving back to Birmingham and reconnecting with his partner. They moved in together with the rule that he wouldn’t bring that lifestyle home. James started the job he has now and started only drinking on the weekends or at gigs with the band. Over time, he recognized that alcohol was creating a lot of problems for him and it was no longer much fun.

On May 31st James decided he had to let it go for good. It wasn’t his first rodeo, so he knew what to expect. Accepting that nothing worth doing is going to be easy was helpful for him. He is making living amends with his partner and says it means more to him than he can put into words that she has been there for him through it all. James treats every day like day one and checks into sober communities often. He says he scared himself straight and keeps a mindfulness around cravings and that drinking one help anything.

James’ parting piece of guidance: If you’re thinking about it, you probably need to. There is no shame in falling and picking yourself back up.

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Episode 505 – What is Recovery?

Today we have Dave. He is 46 and lives in Boston. He took his last drink on March 5th, 2023.

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There are two spots left on our next Alcohol-Free travel trip to Vietnam. This upcoming January 9th-20th, 2025, we’re heading to this incredible Southeast Asia paradise for 10 days and 11 nights with 25 travelers who are done nursing hangovers.

On January 1st, 2025, join us for Dry January. We meet 14 times as a group during the moth and the session days are Sundays, Mondays and Thursdays.

And in February, we are doing out first ever alcohol-free Singer/Songwriter course. In this six week course you’ll learn all about the song writing process, hear from professional musicians about how they write songs, and you’ll write and perfect your own song during the course. Experience with an instrument is recommended to required as this is not a “how to play and instrument” course.

[03:32] Thoughts from Paul:

Paul shares that when he first began his alcohol-free journey, the word “recovery” was loaded for him. He initially didn’t want anything to do with it and didn’t really understand what it meant.

In a post from Café RE a member named Adam shared a little about what recovery means to him. Paul expands on that commenting about what recovery means to him as well. Russell Brand sums it up pretty well by saying we are “recovering the person we are meant to be.” We have no chance of doing this with alcohol in our lives, or at least, many of us don’t.

There is no right or wrong way to ditch the booze and take what you want and leave the rest. Paul says he isn’t suggesting building your own program from scratch at the beginning. Pick a program or community and give it your all. If there is something that scares you, that’s where you need to go. Recovery is uncomfortable at first, but definite worth it.

[08:36] Paul introduces Dave:

Dave was born and raised in the Boston area. He has been married for 20 years and has two girls that are 16 and 13 years old. He enjoys all things sports including golf and spending time supporting his daughter who plays hockey. He also enjoys reading and exercise.

Dave grew up in a tight knit family with a father that had chronic illness. He says that his father’s illness as well as the illnesses of other family members really shaped his life, and he never felt safe.

Dave witnessed his parents drink, but never saw them drunk. He avoided drinking throughout high school as a rule follower and it created anxiety for him when he did.

In college, he did drink a bit on the weekends, but nothing crazy. Dave says once he recognized that the drinking stopped some anxiety, that is when a problem developed. He would drink casually on the weekdays and more on the weekends. As life began to be a little more stressful after having kids, every social even revolved around having drinks. Since drinking helped him feel safe, he started doing it more frequently over time.

A health scare had Dave thinking about his drinking for the first time. He didn’t quit right away but did start seeing a therapist and talking about it. He decided to quit for a while, but never committed to it long term. Dave started drinking again and it increased gradually over time. Over the next few years, it increased in quantity and frequency.

Another health event 18 months ago found Dave realizing he needed to commit to quitting. His first week was really tough with anxiety and poor sleep. Podcasts and therapy along with joining Café RE were very helpful for Dave. After several months, it was his wife that helped him realize that he is now a non-drinker. For Dave the top three benefits of being AF are a clear mind, presence and confidence.

Dave’s parting piece of guidance: Just do it and stay with it.

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Episode 504 – A Dopamine Feast

Today we have Don. He is 44 and lives in Clarkson, MI. He took his last drink on November 15th, 2021.

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The theme for this podcast is I am Here, I am Whole. What does that mean? It means, that in this moment, the only moment that has ever mattered or ever existed, I choose to be here, and I will view myself as whole.

Please don’t kick the can of wholeness, authenticity and self-love down the road. It has to be now.

[04:22] Thoughts from Paul:

Paul shares that he really enjoyed the book Dopamine Nation by Dr. Anna Lembke, minus one part of it that talks about a dopamine fast as a way to beat an addiction.

A recent NYT article summarizes why Paul doesn’t like the dopamine fast idea. It has to do with the quote that “it’s less about quitting drinking, and more about creating a life that doesn’t require alcohol”. There are many healthier ways to release dopamine, such as hobbies you enjoy, that don’t involve your drug of choice. Trying new things helps us release dopamine as well.

The last paragraph of the article says “consequently, America’s problem isn’t that we’re a bunch of hedonists hooked on capitalism’s dopamine hits, it’s that so many of us aren’t able to get our social, physical and emotional needs met in healthy ways. Instead of a dopamine fast, we need a dopamine feast - one that makes us want experiences we actually like, rather than compulsively responding to craving”.

[08:36] Paul introduces Don:

Don is an anesthesiologist, and he lives in Clarkston, MI. He started enjoying traveling since his mid-30s and has been to 30 countries, five continents and heading to Antarctica at the end of the year. Don is a big fan of sports and roots for the teams out of Detroit.

Alcohol always seemed to have a positive light around it when Don was younger. Whether it was a gathering or party the adults seemed more relaxed, happy and silly. It always seemed like something to look forward to when he got older. Being more of a goody-two-shoes, Don says, he didn’t try alcohol until the summer after school ended. He recalls feeling like he was comfortable in his own skin and his racing thoughts relaxed. Don says he was immediately someone that couldn’t stop drinking once he started.

Don says his 20s were spent in school and would drink heavily maybe once a month. In his 30s after graduating and feeling he achieved all of his goals, he wondered “what’s next?” Don says that alcohol didn’t answer the question, but it prevented him from having to answer it. Don says that he realized he was gay as a young man and never wanted to deal with it. Drinking helped him push that away too.

COVID sped up the inevitable, Don says. Having more time off work due to less surgeries being performed; Don would start drinking more on his off days. Once work became busy again, he’s drinking continued where it was and started affecting his work.

When Don arrived at work still drunk after a Labor Day weekend binge, he says receiving a call from his boss was relief.

When Don started rehab, he knew he was going to need to address being gay in addition to having a drinking problem. After completing rehab, Don began attending a program for health professionals that gives him the accountability he needed.

Don says AA is a big part of his life now. He says he enjoys the community and accountability. He is testing out dating to see if it’s something that he wants to do. After falling in love with Costa Rica, he decided to build a house there. The greatest gift Don says he was given in sobriety is the ability to be present.

Don’s parting piece of guidance: Just start. You’ve got to start somewhere and if that’s rehab, than so be it. Take a break from your job, people will be much more supportive than you think they will.

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Episode 503 – It Takes What It Takes

Today we have Leah from Akron, OH. She took her last drink on September 4th, 2022.

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Tonight is our first session of our Ditching the Booze Mindfulness course. It will be on Monday nights at 7:30 EST for the next five weeks. This course will teach you the basics of mindfulness and mediation. It is included with Café RE membership. Visit Café RE to sign up if you aren’t already a member.

Speaking of Café RE, our community is no longer on Facebook. We have found a new home that is off social media, and it now has an app that you can find in the app stores.

[03:28] Thoughts from Paul:

The only thing harder than forgiveness is the opposite – resentments. It is important that we begin with forgiving ourselves.

It takes what it takes for you to get sober and quit drinking. There is no set pathway into and out of a drinking problem. Paul believes this is one of the reasons why alcohol-free communities are so non-judgmental, loving and accepting. Those who have quit drinking know that it takes what it takes.

Paul shares some “it takes what it takes” stories from himself and others working on their alcohol-free journey. Never quit quitting and you will find your way. It takes what it takes.

[08:20] Paul introduces Leah:

At the time of recording, Leah is celebrating 2 years alcohol-free. She grew up in Akron Ohio, she is 36 and just got married, they have a 3-month-old daughter. For fun Leah enjoys hiking, singing, hanging out with friends and spending time with her baby.

Leah shares the story of what drove her to make the decision to quit drinking. After waking up on a bench next to a river and realizing that she was barefoot and had walked over a mile in a blackout, she feared what might happen next if she continued to drink.

Leah began drinking in high school and felt that it gave her courage to be herself. She says she was always addicted to that feeling. After leaving a bad relationship to an alcoholic, Leah started dating her now-husband. He is a normal drinker and Leah felt safe with him.

Leah says over time her drinking increased and the blackouts started. She says she isn’t the same person when she drinks and would often get angry and start fights with her partner. Waking up feeling regret and shame and promising she wouldn’t do it again became commonplace for Leah.

It was Leah’s therapist through Betterhelp that suggested she check out some podcasts and that’s how Leah stumbled upon RE. She says she just started listening from the beginning and found the interviews with others very helpful and she no longer felt alone in this battle.

Leah says since quitting drinking, she has lost weight and feels better overall. The first year she struggled with boredom since drinking was her hobby. She has been working on her unresolved childhood trauma and learning how to be herself without drinking. Leah’s emotions have leveled out and she no longer gets angry as often as she used to. Leah and her husband are still able to share the same hobbies, and she now drinks NA beers. Cravings have not been a big issue for her, she remembers how bad the following days were when she would drink, and it helps her stay grounded.

In the future, Leah would like to have another child, but she is comfortable where she is right now.

Leah’s parting piece of guidance: one day at a time.

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Episode 502 – The Tallest Tree in the World

Today we have Kurtis. He is 32 from Seattle, WA and took his last drink on October 12th, 2023.

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Paul loves pickles but doesn’t love to be in them. When it comes to drinking, this quote shows up often: “When I controlled my drinking, I didn’t enjoy it. When I enjoyed my drinking, I couldn’t control it.” That is a good example of what it is like to be in a pickle with your drinking.

DTB Mindfulness course starts Monday October 7th for 5 weeks. This course is for Café RE members only, and we would love for you to join us!  Visit Café RE to sign up if you aren’t already a member.

[03:32] Thoughts from Paul:

While the tallest tree on the planet currently is a redwood but it would be the Douglas Fir if we stopped cutting them down. Scientists theorize the highest a tree can pull water up it’s roots is 480 feet and that’s how big the Douglas Fir trees were back in the early 1800’s before we began harvesting them.

Paul shares with us his love of trees and how they have helped him on his recovery journey. He also shares some facts about how indigenous people around the world are healthier than we are and how many of them use trees as a source of wholeness that cure physical ailments and mental health conditions.

When looking for connection, don’t overlook the trees in your back yard that are holding the soil in place. Nature should 100% be part of your recovery portfolio.

[10:07] Paul introduces Kurtis:

Kurtis currently lives in Seattle, WA and is originally from Detroit. He has two cats and is a musician and a mixing engineer. He says he used to use drinking as a way to be creative and says it has been interesting to figure out his relationship with music without drinking.

Kurtis says he didn’t drink much in his younger years. He took his first drink at age 21. He was in a lot of bands after moving to Seattle. He would bring beer to practice which quelled his anxiety.

After Kurtis was diagnosed with ADHD in 2020, he started taking medication that helped him focus. He admits he took more than prescribed and would then utilize alcohol to help him go to sleep. When waking up with a hangover, his medication would help him combat it. It was a vicious cycle, Kurtis says.

Kurtis knew he had issues but couldn’t determine whether it the pills or the drinking that was causing the problem. He was having a hard time going more than a few days without drinking and often found himself drinking in the morning. After failed moderation attempts, he ended up having to quit both the alcohol and the medication at the same time in October of 2023.

When he made the decision to quit, Kurtis says there were a lot of small rock-bottom moments that led him to it. Kurtis shared that it was tough quitting both things at the same time. He was worried that his productivity would decrease when he had to stop taking the medication. The drinking was slightly easier, however. Without taking the stimulant he wasn’t feeling so much anxiety at the end of the day which diminished his desire to drink.

Kurtis started finding other activities to fill his time and began to see great results. He was walking a lot, began to lose weight, and started feeling really good. He was able to recognize that quitting drinking opened up a lot of doors for him to feel better. He is more present with others and feels more confident in general.

Kurtis shares that the RE podcast has been helpful along with the Reddit Stop Drinking group. Talking about his journey with others has also helped a lot.

Kurtis’ parting piece of guidance: moderation, research and failing is all part of the process. It’s important to be kind to yourself and not feel like you have to match what others are doing.

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Episode 501 – The Camaraderie of Sobriety

Today we have Kendra. She is 36 years old from Alexandria, MN and took her last drink on March 22nd, 2024.

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There are 4 million podcasts on iTunes with tens of millions of episodes. Do you want to know what the #1 downloaded episode was, for two years straight? Is was an episode titled - What Alcohol Does to your Body, Brain and Health, by the Stanford Neuroscientist Andrew Huberman.

All new registrations for Café RE will be added to our community, which is no longer on Facebook. We have found a place that allows us to make these connections better. Beginning October 1st, all current members will start shifting over there as well.

The theme for this podcast is I am Here, I am Whole. These lyrics mean that yes, we can fix, we can make changes, but while listening to this podcast, reinforce the fact that you are not broken. We are all perfectly imperfect, but in this moment, we are all here and we are all whole.

[06:15] Thoughts from Paul:

Paul shares a story about a recent situation involving his goat Hot Dog and some wiring on his truck. After attempting and failing to fix the issue himself, Paul took his truck to the shop where he purchased the truck topper.

After several hours of troubleshooting and referencing the vehicle’s owner manual, they found a fuse had blown. This was five weeks after the incident. What Paul didn’t know was that his taillights had been out as well. The man said that Paul was lucky the cops didn’t pull him over for a DUI. Paul quickly shared that he had quit drinking to which the man replied that he had as well. The conversation continued for a bit about their mutual sobriety.

One thing Paul has recognized in recovery is that the many teams, committees and organizations he has being involved with are no match for the camaraderie of sobriety. He encourages us to leverage the fact that you don’t drink to make deeper connections.

[08:44] Paul introduces Kendra:

Kendra is 36 and has lived her life in Minnesota all her life. She is an RN that works with kidney doctors. For fun Kendra enjoys outdoor activities, spending time with her daughter and has been getting into meditation lately.

About six years ago, Kendra started recognizing that drinking wasn’t fostering anything positive in her life. She was going through some major life changes and found herself reevaluating things. Kendra says she didn’t have an off switch and found herself drinking too much and being hungover most of the next day. She began to try to quit drinking but found it difficult and she would give into peer pressure a lot.

Over the last three years, Kendra attempted many moderation techniques. She was using a sobriety tracker to see her progress. She started bringing NA options to events, and even if she would still drink, she acknowledges that it was less. While there were no stereotypical rock-bottom events, Kendra recognizes that everyone’s rock bottom looks different.

Also, over the last several years Kendra started listening to podcasts about recovery and found the book This Naked Mind by Annie Grace which she feels helped her. She says everything was lining up to push her towards what life could look like without alcohol.

Kendra said she only had eight drinks from January to March this year. Her quit date is a few days after her father’s 39th sobriety anniversary. Kendra says that listening to other’s stories has been helpful. She finds that being prepared and planning before going to social functions is important.

Kendra’s best sober moment: where she can be present with her daughter and remember everything.

Kendra’s parting piece of guidance: keep it simple and just try to keep logging those days. One decision at a time and focus on your overall health.

Recovery Elevator

You took the elevator down, you got to take the stairs back up.

We can do this.

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Episode 500 – I Am Here, I Am Whole

Today we have Brady. He is 43 years old from Denver, CO and took his last drink on July 18th, 2023.

Whatever day you are on, we want to hear it, see it and support you. On Sundays, head on over to RE on Instagram and post on our Roll Call. Let the world know where you are at.

There are still a few spots open on our next Alcohol-Free travel trip to Vietnam. This upcoming January 9th-20th, 2025, we’re heading to this incredible Southeast Asia paradise for 10 days and 11 nights with 25 travelers who are done nursing hangovers.

Starting Monday September 16th, all new registration for Café RE will be added to our community, which is no longer on Facebook. We have found a place that allows us to make these connections better. Beginning October 1st, all current members will start shifting over there as well.

Sponsors mentioned in this episode:

Better Help  - code ELEVATOR

[03:57] Thoughts from Paul:

For 500 straight Mondays, Recovery Elevator has released an episode with someone sharing how they quit drinking. We do this to help, to serve, and also selfishly since Paul and all members of the team are also on this AF journey.

Paul started this podcast in 2015 and just celebrated 10 years since his last drink. He shares how he started the Recovery Elevator Sobriety Tracker. He also shares that since starting, we now have Café RE, have done five international sober travel trips, have had 15 official RE retreats, and over 1500 people have signed up for our courses.

Paul shares what he is most happy about are the gains in his personal life. He is married and has a three-month-old son and is well into a creating a life that no longer requires alcohol.

The lyrics to the new intro song: “I am here, I am whole” remind us that there is nothing wrong with us, we are not fractured, and we can correct the imbalance in our lives. And we don’t have to do it alone.

I am Here, I am Whole on Spotify: 

[11:00] Paul introduces Brady:

At the time of recording, Brady just celebrated one year alcohol free!

Paul and Brady have been friends for a very long time, and both acknowledge that it’s good be on the other side of their drinking times to now sharing sobriety with one another.

Brady and lives in the suburbs of Denver, he is 43 years old and is a realtor and formerly a high school teacher. Brady is married and they have a five-year-old son.

Brady says he drank more than the average high school student. He thinks his drinking in college was on par with normal for that time of life. It wasn’t until his late thirties that he started to realize that his relationship with alcohol wasn’t good. He feels that the time during COVID just normalized drinking at home for him. It became an everyday thing, and he slowly stopped having any interest in anything other than drinking.

An acute panic attack one night found him feeling empty. When he talked to his mom about it, she asked if he had been drinking. It was then that he started to connect the dots and was on the road to exploring the role alcohol had in his life. He never considered himself an alcoholic, but knew he was not living the life he wanted to.

Since quitting drinking, Brady has lost 20 pounds, is says he is more aware of what he is doing and it’s more purposeful. Brady has discovered that everything is clearer now. He mentions listening to The Huberman Lab podcast about alcohol really helped him in addition to Alan Carr’s book about quitting drinking. Learning what alcohol really does to us has been an important tool for Brady. He has not attended AA but had a lot of support from people around him and was comfortable sharing with them. Brady has shifted his identity to no longer being a dude that drinks.

Brady’s parting piece of guidance: just do it, find those resources that will help you.

Recovery Elevator

You took the elevator down, you got to take the stairs back up.

We can do this.

Episode 499 - Get Your Roll On

Today we have Kerri. She is 55 years old, lives in Redding, CA and took her last drink on March 2nd, 2022.

Sponsors mentioned in this episode:

Better Help  - code ELEVATOR

Soberlink – receive $50 off of a device

Better Rhodes – code RECOVERYELEVATOR15

RiseUp Coffee

Athletic Brewing

Sarilla

[02:47] Thoughts from Paul:

Prior to AA, alcoholism was considered a fatal disease. In less than 100 years, so much progress has been made in how alcoholism is viewed and treated. Now there is 100% a way out.

We now know the most potent antidote to addiction is connection. And this looks like community, preferably one that contains a lot of laughter, which we have all heard is the best medicine.

Paul shares with us that when he was crafting the recent Bozeman Retreat’s itinerary, he spent a lot of time thinking about one of the activities he was considering: a Skee-Ball tournament. The retreat is already full of the standard heavy hitters of share groups, breathwork, etc. but he wanted to try something different. Check out the pictures of the event in the post today: RE on Instagram

So, 100 years ago, it was shock therapy and isolation to cure alcoholism. Today it’s Skee-Ball, laughter, and connection.

[10:34] Kris introduces KMac:

Kerri is 55 years old and lives in Redding, CA. She has two adult daughters and five grandchildren. She is married and they have two dogs. For fun, Kerri has recently gotten into ultrarunning. She works full time for RE/Café RE as the community manager and event coordinator.

Kerri says she started drinking in high school and was a blackout drinker from the beginning. She and her first husband drank a lot during their marriage, and it escalated for Kerri after their divorce.

Kerri became a teacher later in life, but her drinking caused her to lose multiple teaching jobs over the course of a few years. She was involved with her local AA group and had a sponsor during this time. She ended up joining Café RE and rather quickly, volunteered to help do the show notes for the podcast. Over time her involvement with RE evolved.

Kerri had over a year alcohol free before the binge drinking returned. She had stopped counting days and recognized that it made it easier for her to drink. Currently days are very important to Kerri.

As Kerri began working more for RE, she feels that it took away the community for her. She didn’t feel comfortable sharing her struggles within the groups because of her role.

Knowing that she couldn’t recover alone, Kerri began to open up and have tough conversations with the RE team. She was at the point where she was feeling like she was never going to be able to quit and found herself, with the encouragement of others, making the decision to go to inpatient rehab.

Kerri says that being The Hab was tough at first and a lot of the people there were younger than her. After finding a good counselor and therapist, she was able to finally start opening up and sharing. At the end of 60 days, it was recommended she continue, so she stayed an additional 30.

After leaving she continued to do what she was doing while she was in rehab, which helps. She used to question why she drank like she did, but over time has decided it doesn’t matter.

Kerri says the biggest thing she has learned about herself is the importance of truly believing she is worthy. She is now able to recognize when she has feelings and being able to share them. She is more likely to ask for help when she needs it.

To the listener that is experiencing their own version of pacing around the living room not wanting to drink, Kerri wants to remind them that it’s not too late, this doesn’t have to be who you are or the road that you go down, you are worth asking for help and there is a community out there that are willing to walk that path with you.

Kerri’s first episode: RE Episode 255

Recovery Elevator

You’re the only one that can do this, but you don’t have to do it alone.

Love you guys.

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