Episode Summary: On today’s episode I chat with Jory Agate, IFS trainer, Approved IFS Clinical Consultant, and IFS Certified Therapist. We explore two of Jory’s favorite topics and areas of expertise: rupture and repair, and grief. She will be offering a two-day workshop on grief through Life Architect in November 15 and 16 called IFS is Grief Work: Healing Unattended Losses.

Key Takeaways:

• Rupture and repair are natural parts of all relationships 

• IFS offers a path to engage with parts that arise during conflict

• Repair involves accountability and listening rather than just apologizing

• The importance of centering the impacted person’s needs in the repair process

• Grief work is a core component of IFS

• Self does not get overwhelmed; it can be with anything

• How can we hold space for our grief without feeling overwhelmed?

• "When we can acknowledge our exiles and help protectors relax, we open the door to real healing."

• Grieving unmet needs or past hurts allows us to unburden exiles and foster self-compassion.

My Favorite Quote: "Rupture is inevitable, but repair is a choice that builds stronger relationships. When we show up with self-energy, we’re more likely to meet others’ self-energy in return." – Jory Agate

About Jory Agate: Jory Agate is a certified IFS trainer and therapist based in Cambridge, Massachusetts. With a background in parish ministry, Jory brings her commitment to healing, relationships, and community into her IFS practice and teaching.

Episode Sponsor: Life Architect

Watch video Clips from select episodes on  The One Inside on YouTube

Follow Tammy on Instagram @ifstammy and on Facebook at The One Inside with Tammy Sollenberger.

Jeff Schrum co-produces The One Inside Podcast. He is a writer, counselor, and IFS Level 1 practitioner.  

Are you new to IFS or want a simple way to get to know yourself? Tammy's book, "The One Inside: Thirty Days to your Authentic Self" is a PERFECT place to start. 

Sign up for Tammy's email list and get a free "Get to know a Should part of you" meditation on her website

Tammy is grateful for Jack Reardon who created music for the podcast. Jack is a graduate of Derek Scott’s IFS Stepping Stones Program.  

If you are interested in sponsoring an episode or two of The One Inside Podcast please contact Tammy at [email protected]

Tamala Floyd leads us on a beautiful healing mediation to help us connect with an ancestor. It's a clip from episode 177, "Listening When Parts Speak with Tamala Floyd."

Listen to the full episode here 

Tamala Floyd is a psychotherapist, author, IFS lead trainer, consultant, and retreat leader with over 25 years of experience. Her latest book, "Listening When Parts Speak: A Practical Guide to Healing with Internal Family Systems Therapy and Ancestor Wisdom," focuses on healing personal and generational trauma. 

Watch video Clips from select episodes on  The One Inside on YouTube

Follow Tammy on Instagram @ifstammy and on Facebook at The One Inside with Tammy Sollenberger.

Jeff Schrum co-produces The One Inside Podcast. He is a writer, counselor, and IFS Level 1 practitioner.  

Are you new to IFS or want a simple way to get to know yourself? Tammy's book, "The One Inside: Thirty Days to your Authentic Self" is a PERFECT place to start. 

Sign up for Tammy's email list and get a free "Get to know a Should part of you" meditation on her website

Tammy is grateful for Jack Reardon who created music for the podcast. Jack is a graduate of Derek Scott’s IFS Stepping Stones Program.  

If you are interested in sponsoring an episode of The One Inside Podcast, contact Tammy at [email protected]

In this episode I chat with Chris Parrott and Susan Bauerfeld about parental anxiety and Self-led parenting. They offer practical advice for parents struggling to regulate their emotions and remain present with their kids, and for IFS practitioners working with parents and families. 

Chris and Susan are co-presenting a session at next week's 2024 IFS Annual Conference titled, Get Your Shift Together: Self-Led Parenting in a Culture Shaped by Worried Parts, which I'm super excited about.

• Worry pulls attention inward, creating disconnection from the present moment. How can parents shift from worry to curiosity about what their children really need
• IFS provides a pathway for parents to unblend from worry and engage with Self Energy to stay calm and compassionate
• Is worrying really an act of love, or a protective part trying to manage discomfort?
• Emotional discomfort is part of life—how can parents help their children develop resilience without removing all discomfort from their experiences?
• "When you name it, you tame it"—learning to name parts reduces their intensity and fosters emotional regulation.
• Self-regulation in parents sets a foundation for children to build their own coping skills.
• How shifting parental focus from worry to connection creates better outcomes for children. 

"Worry disconnects us from our parts, from our own Self Energy, and it disconnects us from our kids, and the greatest resource that our children have is the connection that they have with us" -- Chris Parrott

Chris Parrott studied in London earning her MSc and Post MSc degree to become a BPS Chartered Counseling Psychologist. Parrott co-founded Your Self Series, a teen identity development program, and YourChatMat, tools to engage families in meaningful conversation. She is a Level 1-trained and Board Certified Life Coach working with emerging adults and with parents of pre-teens. 

Susan Bauerfeld, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist, IFS Level II trained therapist, speaker, workshop leader, parent coach, and the proud mother of three wonderful, young adult sons. Recently retired from her private practice in Norwalk, CT, she has shifted her professional focus to giving presentations and workshops about parenting and managing anxiety at both national and international conferences and in her local community.

They are co-authors of the upcoming book Get Your Shift Together: How to Help Kids More by Worrying Less.

• 2024 IFS Annual Conference, October 24-25, 2024
• How to Talk So Kids Will Listen by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish
• Dr. Eli Lebowitz, Yale School of Medicine

Watch video Clips from select episodes on  The One Inside on YouTube

Follow Tammy on Instagram @ifstammy and on Facebook at The One Inside with Tammy Sollenberger.

Jeff Schrum co-produces The One Inside Podcast. He is a writer, counselor, and IFS Level 1 practitioner.  

Are you new to IFS or want a simple way to get to know yourself? Tammy's book, "The One Inside: Thirty Days to your Authentic Self" is a PERFECT place to start. 

Sign up for Tammy's email list and get a free "Get to know a Should part of you" meditation on her website

Tammy is grateful for Jack Reardon who created music for the podcast. Jack is a graduate of Derek Scott’s IFS Stepping Stones Program.  

If you are interested in sponsoring an episode or two of The One Inside Podcast please contact Tammy at [email protected]

In this week’s episode I chat with Audrey Davidheiser, licensed psychologist and Certified IFS therapist and IFSI-approved clinical consultant about working with grief and anger through the Internal Family Systems lens. 

We discuss:

• How tenacious parts like grief and anger hold on, often because they feel they are protecting something important, like legacy or family loyalty. What can we learn by befriending these tenacious parts rather than fighting them?

• How your cultural background can influence your emotional experience, and how you can work with legacy burdens in your healing process

• Grief as a multi-dimensional experience – it's not just about sadness, but can include anger, regret, or even relief

• Religious Grief and Trauma – how religious trauma can exile parts of ourselves, such as those feeling grief or anger, and the need for compassionate acknowledgment of them

• All parts grieve differently and how to welcome all parts into the grieving process. How can understanding the different ways we grieve help us heal?

• Honoring angry parts – befriend anger by understanding its role in protecting something important

• IFS and Grief – how IFS uniquely holds space for grief  

Favorite Quotes:

• “It's not just that everybody grieves differently, but every part of you grieves differently as well.”

• "Angry parts are there because they are protecting something valuable.”

About Audrey Davidheiser: Audrey Davenheiser is a licensed psychologist, certified IFS therapist, and the author of the forthcoming book, Wholehearted Grieving. She specializes in working with trauma survivors, with a focus on grief and spiritual abuse.

Audrey is leading a session at the 2024 IFS Annual Conference, October 24-25, 2024, called Working With Grieving Parts.

• Audrey’s website: AimForBreakthrough.com

• Follow Audrey on Instagram: @DrAudreyD

Watch video Clips from select episodes on  The One Inside on YouTube

Follow Tammy on Instagram @ifstammy: Tammy Sollenberger (@ifs.tammy) • Instagram photos and videos and on Facebook at The One Inside with Tammy Sollenberger.

Jeff Schrum co-produces The One Inside Podcast. He is a writer, counselor, and IFS Level 1 practitioner.  

Are you new to IFS or want a simple way to get to know yourself? Tammy's book, "The One Inside: Thirty Days to your Authentic Self" is a PERFECT place to start. 

Sign up for Tammy's email list and get a free "Get to know a Should part of you" meditation on her website

Do you want to befriend the parts of you who impede your meditation practice? Check out Loch Kelly's FREE workshop.

Tammy is grateful for Jack Reardon who created music for the podcast. Jack is a graduate of Derek Scott’s IFS Stepping Stones Program.  

If you are interested in sponsoring an episode or two of The One Inside Podcast please contact Tammy at [email protected]

On today's episode I chat with Kylie Feller, a Canadian clinical counselor and Level 3 Certified IFS therapist specializing in complex trauma. We chat about two topics she's passionate about: parts journaling and dating. (Our dating convo begins at 15:50).

First, Kylie shares tips on connecting to our parts through journaling. Her book, IFS Daily Parts Journal, offers a structured method which she first developed as her own self-care tool. We explore how journaling can be a valuable way to check in with our parts, unblend, and create inner openness, and why it isn't always as easy as it seems.

Then we switch gears to explore dating through an IFS lens. Sharing personal insights from her experience in the dating scene, she shares how dating presents opportunities to notice trailheads, meet new parts, and practice Self leadership. 

We discuss:

• Journaling with our parts can be like having a self-led therapist, helping us track, check in, and create openness towards different parts of ourselves.
• Resistance to journaling or parts work is common, and it’s helpful to approach these resistances with curiosity and compassion.
• There is no one-size-fits-all approach to IFS practices; journaling, singing, art, and even walking can be ways to connect with parts.
• Dating offers a unique opportunity to explore our parts, activating trailheads that can lead to greater self-understanding and healing.
• Kylie’s approach to dating with IFS emphasizes self-love, curiosity, and the importance of building internal relationships before seeking external connections.
• The concept of trusting one's system and allowing for natural growth and change in relationships is key to healing through IFS.

Kylie will be presenting at the 2024 IFS Annual Conference in a session titled: Parts Journaling: Develop The Habit of Checking in With Your Parts.

About Kylie Feller: Kylie is a Canadian clinical counselor, digital nomad, and Level 3 Certified IFS Therapist. She has personally experienced the healing power of IFS and is passionate about helping others on their self-healing journeys. Kylie is the author of the IFS Daily Parts Journal, designed to help individuals connect with their parts through thoughtfully formatted journal pages. She is currently working on her next book focused on dating through the lens of IFS.

Connect with Kylie:

• Website: kyliefeller.com
• Instagram: @kyliefellerifs
• Facebook: Kylie Feller Counseling

Mentioned in this episode:

• IFS Daily Parts Journal by Kylie Feller
• You Are the One You Have Been Waiting For by Richard Schwartz
• 2024 IFS Annual Conference (online, Oct. 24-25)

One of my favorite quotes: "Dating is like an experiment. Every encounter becomes a mirror reflecting back my parts, allowing me to get curious, speak for them, and ultimately, love myself more deeply." – Kylie Feller

Watch video Clips from select episodes on  The One Inside on YouTube

Follow Tammy on Instagram @ifstammy: Tammy Sollenberger (@ifs.tammy) • Instagram photos and videos and on Facebook at The One Inside with Tammy Sollenberger.

Jeff Schrum co-produces The One Inside Podcast. He is a writer, counselor, and IFS Level 1 practitioner.  

Are you new to IFS or want a simple way to get to know yourself? Tammy's book, "The One Inside: Thirty Days to your Authentic Self" is a PERFECT place to start. 

Sign up for Tammy's email list and get a free "Get to know a Should part of you" meditation on her website

Do you want to befriend the parts of you who impede your meditation practice? Check out Loch Kelly's FREE workshop.

Tammy is grateful for Jack Reardon who created music for the podcast. Jack is a graduate of Derek Scott’s IFS Stepping Stones Program.  

If you are interested in sponsoring an episode or two of The One Inside Podcast please contact Tammy at [email protected]

In today’s episode I chat with Dr. Natalie Thomas, a psychotherapist and philosopher specializing in climate distress and ecological grief. Natalie, a presenter at the 2024 IFS Annual Conference, explains how nature influences our internal parts and the role of Self Energy in healing, both individually and globally. We explore the connection between humans, animals, and the planet, and how slowing down to engage with nature can shift how we relate to ourselves and the world around us. 

We discuss:

• How can we reconnect with nature and access our self-energy for healing?
• The concept of ecotherapy, which includes "walk-and-talk" therapy, inter-species healing, and other outdoor- and nature-focused approaches
• How nature can be a third entity (triad) in the therapeutic process 
• Simple practices for connecting with Self in nature, including forest bathing and engaging the senses
• Animals have parts too 
• What is “inter-species” healing?
• Parts-driven vs. Self-led activism, and how inner healing can lead to more effective, compassionate, and sustainable actions
• Climate Cafes: hosting a safe space for eco-emotional healing

One of my favorite quotes from the episode:

"When we’re in nature, we can access our Self Energy and our parts in a different way—it’s like being part of a larger ecosystem, both inside and out." — Natalie Thomas

To learn more:

• Climate Cafes 

• Natalie’s upcoming session on ecotherapy and climate distress at the 2024 IFS Annual Conference.

• Natalie’s article in Parts & Self magazine

• Natalie's website

Watch video Clips from select episodes on  The One Inside on YouTube

Follow Tammy on Instagram @ifstammy: Tammy Sollenberger (@ifs.tammy) • Instagram photos and videos and on Facebook at The One Inside with Tammy Sollenberger.

Jeff Schrum co-produces The One Inside Podcast. He is a writer, counselor, and IFS Level 1 practitioner.  

Are you new to IFS or want a simple way to get to know yourself? Tammy's book, "The One Inside: Thirty Days to your Authentic Self" is a PERFECT place to start. 

Sign up for Tammy's email list and get a free "Get to know a Should part of you" meditation on her website

Do you want to befriend the parts of you who impede your meditation practice? Check out Loch Kelly's FREE workshop.

Tammy is grateful for Jack Reardon who created music for the podcast. Jack is a graduate of Derek Scott’s IFS Stepping Stones Program.  

If you are interested in sponsoring an episode or two of The One Inside Podcast please contact Tammy at [email protected]

On today’s episode I chat with Sacha Mardou, a graphic novelist and artist, known in the IFS community for her IFS-inspired webcomics. In her new graphic memoir, Past Tense, Sacha brings readers along on her deeply personal, years-long journey to heal trauma, uncover legacy burdens, and connect to her true Self.

She began illustrating her IFS and therapy experience privately in her sketchbooks. Those evolved into webcomics vividly depicting her inner system and healing process which she shared with the world through social media, and now in her new graphic memoir. 

We discuss:

• How her private therapy session sketches grew into webcomics and a book

• How IFS can shift our inner world and multi-generational family dynamics

• Breaking the chain of legacy burdens for her daughter 

• Sharing her family members’ private details and stories in her comics

• Using comics to visually represent the complexity of therapy and inner healing, making the IFS therapy process more tangible, relatable, and approachable for many people

One of my favorite quotes from this episode:

"How many of us carry shame or trauma that isn't even ours to begin with? Legacy burdens, passed down through generations, shape who we are until we take the courageous step to face them." – Sacha Mardou

Sacha will join in a discussion hosted by Dick Schwartz and Jeanne Catanzaro at the 2024 IFS Annual Conference in a session called, Bringing IFS to Life, where they will discuss how Sacha's comics have helped demystify the IFS therapy process for clients.

You can connect with Sacha on her website, on Facebook and Instagram @Mardou_Draws

Learn more about her new book, Past Tense, here: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/714479/past-tense-by-sacha-mardou/

Watch video Clips from select episodes on  The One Inside on YouTube

Follow Tammy on Instagram @ifstammy: Tammy Sollenberger (@ifs.tammy) • Instagram photos and videos and on Facebook at The One Inside with Tammy Sollenberger.

Jeff Schrum co-produces The One Inside Podcast. He is a writer, counselor, and IFS Level 1 practitioner.  

Are you new to IFS or want a simple way to get to know yourself? Tammy's book, "The One Inside: Thirty Days to your Authentic Self" is a PERFECT place to start. 

Sign up for Tammy's email list and get a free "Get to know a Should part of you" meditation on her website

Do you want to befriend the parts of you who impede your meditation practice? Check out Loch Kelly's FREE workshop.

Tammy is grateful for Jack Reardon who created music for the podcast. Jack is a graduate of Derek Scott’s IFS Stepping Stones Program.  

If you are interested in sponsoring an episode or two of The One Inside Podcast please contact Tammy at [email protected]

Enjoy this lovely embodiment meditation led by IFS lead trainer Kay Gardner. And be sure to check out ep. 171: IFS and Legacy Burdens to listen to my full interview with Kay.  

My guest today is Mary Kruger, an IFS lead trainer and therapist specializing in addiction and eating disorders. Mary helped develop the IFS Level 2 training for addiction recovery and treatment. This episode is a re-release from Season 2.

Episode Summary: In this episode Mary shares her own story of finding IFS and her personal experience of the healing power of its integration with the 12-step model.

We explore:

• How can we shift the way we approach addiction, eating disorders, and shame?
• Have traditional approaches to addiction recovery, such as AA or 12-step programs, left us demonizing our behaviors rather than understanding them? 
• What happens when we stop viewing addiction as a "moral failure" or "genetic defect" and instead see it as a system out of balance 
• What role does shame play in maintaining cycles of addiction, and how can IFS help us unburden that shame? 
• How can we learn to work with, not against, our addictive parts? 
• Can group work enhance healing by reducing shame and helping us feel connected to others with similar struggles? 

One of my favorite quotes from the episode:

"What if we stopped demonizing our addictive behaviors and instead asked, 'What are they trying to teach us?' When we befriend the parts of us that struggle, we unlock the door to true healing." 

Mary will host a workshop on October 10 and 11, 2024 with Life Architect on working with polarized parts. Use this link to stay informed and let them know you heard about it on The One Inside: https://bit.ly/ifs-in-group-settings-workshop

Watch video Clips from select episodes on  The One Inside Podcast - YouTube

Follow Tammy on Instagram @ifstammy: Tammy Sollenberger (@ifs.tammy) • Instagram photos and videos and on Facebook at The One Inside with Tammy Sollenberger: The One Inside: Internal Family Systems with Tammy Sollenberger | Facebook.

Jeff Schrum co-produces The One Inside Podcast. He is an IFS Level 1 practitioner.  

Are you new to IFS or want a simple way to get to know yourself? Tammy's book, "The One Inside: Thirty Days to your Authentic Self" is a PERFECT place to start. You can purchase it here: The One Inside: 30 Days To Your Authentic Self: Sollenberger, Tammy: 9780967688756: Amazon.com: Books or wherever books are sold.

Sign up for Tammy's email list and get a free "Get to know a Should part of you" meditation on her website

Do you want to befriend the parts of you who impede your meditation practice? Check out this FEEE workshop:

 Loch Kelly's Free 90 minute workshop

Tammy is grateful for Jack Reardon who created music for the podcast. Jack is a graduate of Derek Scott’s IFS Stepping Stones Program.  

If you are interested in sponsoring an episode or two of The One Inside Podcast please contact Tammy at [email protected]

This episode is sponsored by Life Architect. As the IFS Institute's international partner, they organize IFS training and online workshops about IFS and other therapy modalities for those new to IFS and experienced practitioners alike. Life Architect is committed to advancing the professional development of mental health professionals around the world.

On today's podcast, I chat with Tamala Floyd, a psychotherapist, author, IFS lead trainer, consultant, and retreat leader with over 25 years of experience. Her latest book, "Listening When Parts Speak: A Practical Guide to Healing with Internal Family Systems Therapy and Ancestor Wisdom," focuses on healing personal and generational trauma.

We discuss:

• Ancestor wisdom in personal and generational healing
• Accessing the internal system with guided imagery meditation
• The importance of therapists and practitioners doing their own internal work
• Her love of travel and legacy burden work and combining the two

Mentioned in this episode:

IFS Institute 2024 IFS Annual Conference

Loch Kelly's Free 90 minute workshop

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To find out ALL the amazing things Tamala is doing:

LWPS BIPOC Consultation Group

LWPS BIPOC Retreat: Healing Legacy Burdens with Ancestor Wisdom

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Watch video Clips from select episodes on  The One Inside Podcast - YouTube

Follow Tammy on Instagram @ifstammy: Tammy Sollenberger (@ifs.tammy) • Instagram photos and videos and on Facebook at The One Inside with Tammy Sollenberger

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Jeff Schrum co-produces The One Inside Podcast. He is an IFS Level 1 Practitioner.

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Are you new to IFS or want a simple way to get to know yourself? Tammy's book, "The One Inside: Thirty Days to your Authentic Self" is a PERFECT place to start. 

Sign up for Tammy's email list and get a free "Get to know a Should part of you" meditation on her website

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Tammy is grateful for Jack Reardon who created music for the podcast. Jack is a graduate of Derek Scott’s IFS Stepping Stones Program.  

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If you are interested in sponsoring episodes of The One Inside please contact Tammy at [email protected]

On today's episode I chat with Certified IFS Therapist Joanne Twombly. This episode, which premiered in Season 3, is one of the most popular and most downloaded of the entire series. 

We discuss:

• Why we still need coping skills
• The "Fire Drill" exercise to quickly unblend from parts
• Integrating IFS into Phase Oriented Treatment 
• Why diagnosis is helpful - Burdens (and Self!) in Managers, Firefighters, and Exiles 
• Safe spaces - Hypnosis and trance states

TW: We discuss trauma in this episode. There is discussion about 49 minutes into the episode that may be upsetting to some.

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Get Joanna's book here: Trauma and Dissociation Informed Internal Family Systems: How to Successfully Treat C-PTSD, and Dissociative Disorders: https://a.co/d/icIF2ja

Joanne wrote a chapter entitled "Integrating Phase Oriented Treatment of Clients with Dissociative Disorders" in the IFS: New Dimensions book, found here: https://a.co/d/aMQWiMJ

Learn more about Joanne here: https://joannetwombly.net/

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Watch video Clips from select episodes on  The One Inside Podcast - YouTube

Follow Tammy on Instagram @ifstammy: Tammy Sollenberger (@ifs.tammy) • Instagram photos and videos and on Facebook at The One Inside with Tammy Sollenberger: The One Inside: Internal Family Systems with Tammy Sollenberger | Facebook.

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Jeff Schrum co-produces The One Inside Podcast. He is an IFS Level 1 Practitioner.

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Are you new to IFS or want a simple way to get to know yourself? Tammy's book, "The One Inside: Thirty Days to your Authentic Self" is a PERFECT place to start. You can purchase it here: The One Inside: 30 Days To Your Authentic Self: Sollenberger, Tammy: 9780967688756: Amazon.com: Books or wherever books are sold.

Sign up for Tammy's email list and get a free "Get to know a Should part of you" meditation on her website

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Tammy is grateful for Jack Reardon who created music for the podcast. Jack is a graduate of Derek Scott’s IFS Stepping Stones Program. You can follow Jack at bonzemusic on Instagram.

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If you are interested in sponsoring an episode or two of The One Inside Podcast please contact Tammy at [email protected]

This episode is sponsored by Pisgah Coaching Institute founded by IFS-trained Master Coach, Brian Jaudon. Enrollment is now open for 2025 season! To learn more go to:  Pisgah Coaching