Synopsis

In this spooky tale, two love birds living in a large yet ugly home head into town to pick up some supplies for their miniature models like glue and paint and whatever you nerds use to make little models, and in a shocking turn of events drive their car off a bridge and into a river. After making their way home they start to notice something disturbing. They died. Yet their love knows no bounds, so they start this new chapter of their undead lives with optimism. However, the underworld seems to be some sort of eternal DMV which kind of puts a damper on their staycation. How could things get any worse?! Uh oh! A new family moves into their home and they are really annoying. Hookwinks ensue, and disaster strikes upon meeting a ghoulish fellow named Beetlejuice. Will they survive this nightmare? No! Cause they are already dead.

Review of Beetlejuice

Beetlejuice is a fantastic movie. And Michael Keaton who plays Beetlejuice is the best part. He’s funny and inappropriate and pretty much exactly what you would expect some asshole to become if he had a few hundred years to stew in his undead filth. As all Tim Burton films are, the aesthetic is very weird, goth, and colorful. It’s Rated PG somehow even though it has two F-bombs, but honestly I kind of stand by that rating cause I watched this movie when I was like 8 and I never felt like any scenes or lines were out of place. It’s a good romp for the whole family. The strange teleportation desert scenes feel pretty dated, but they are still charming. I dont really have anything bad to say about this movie. 

Score 10/10

In this the first annual Golden Talks, the hosts review the year 2024 in horror movies, discussing their best and worst films, as well as aggregate scores from their reviews. The conversation is filled with humor and banter as they reflect on their experiences with various horror films, highlighting both the enjoyable and the dreadful aspects of the genre. They also delve into the rankings of new releases and share their thoughts on the impact of these films on the horror landscape. In this conversation, the hosts delve into their thoughts on various horror films, including a critique of the Beetlejuice sequel, a ranking of their top five new releases, and a discussion on the quality of recent horror movies. They explore unique themes in horror, engage in a light-hearted debate about mattress sizes, and reflect on their aggregate scores for movies reviewed throughout the year. The conversation culminates in a discussion about the best and worst patron picks, revealing the challenges of audience selections in film. In this episode, the hosts reflect on their movie selections, discuss score discrepancies, and analyze their aggregate scores for the year. They delve into download statistics to gauge audience engagement and conclude with a light-hearted discussion about host dynamics and awards, including who might be the ‘worst host’.

Synopsis

Tell me, does evil come from within us, or beyond?

This film follows Ellen (played by Lily-Rose Depp), and her husband, Thomas (played by Nicholas Hoult) as Thomas takes a new job that requires him to go to a strange land to broker a real estate deal with the mysterious Count Orlok. While Ellen begs him not to go, he does anyways, and she starts having nightmares and fits of madness while he’s away. Thomas quickly realizes he’s in for a lot more than a house sale once he arrives at the Count’s castle, and Ellen, Thomas, and a gang of professors and doctors have to work together to defeat the darkness.

Review

Excellent is not a good enough word to describe this movie. It is exceptional, phenomenal, show-stopping, incredible, stupendous. This is truly a spectacle to see in the theater. The costuming is gorgeous and intricate. Every single actor brought their A-game. The atmosphere and set dressing completely immerse you into the world of 1838 Germany and the mysteries of the vampire. The physical acting from Lily-Rose Depp was completely unexpected yet welcomed and hopefully revered by all, you truly are watching a master work her craft. Nicholas Hoult was incredibly convincing as Thomas and incredibly hot, per usual. Willem Dafoe and Ralph Ineson occasionally add a solid comic relief while also driving the plot forward. Also, it is so entertaining and the pacing is perfect so the 132 minute run time passes you by like a soft summer breeze. 

I don’t even know how to review this film to accurately describe how awe-struck I was while watching it. I wanted to stand up in the theater like I was watching the Superbowl. This was my Superbowl. My one complaint is that I wish they hadn’t told us who played Count Orlok because Bill Skarsgård is completely unrecognizable as the illustrious vampire. This is Count Orlok like we’ve never seen, as in the original it was a silent film so it was impossible to hear his voice, and in the Herzog version he is portrayed as more of a melancholy creature battling with isolation and immortality. In this film, he is terrifying, he is demanding, he is alluring and intoxicating, he is sexy and fearsome and seemingly rules the world. The viewer falls under his spell just like his on screen victims. This movie is a masterpiece; it is true gothic horror, it is incredibly sexy, it is gripping, it is haunting, I want to go see it again right now.

Also, I want to emphasize that while I wrote this, I kept getting frustrated by the fact that no positive adjective will be 100% accurate at describing how incredible this film is.

Score

10/10

Synopsis

Caveat is about a man named Isaac who suffers from amnesia after a tragic accident. Isaac is hired by a man who claims to be his good friend before the accident Moe Barrett, to go to a secluded house and watch after his niece Olga who suffers from schizophrenia. Upon arriving at the dilapidated house Isaac is told the frightening catch of his new job. Since Olga is terrified of someone attacking her in her sleep, Isaac must wear a chain that keeps him anchored to certain portions of the house. Not a good deal if you ask me, but after some convincing Isaac accepts the job. Olga’s mother is also missing, and her father is recently dead. Wacky hijinks ensue. 

Review of Caveat

Caveat definitely has its issues. I think my biggest problem with this movie is just the look of it. Most shudder-exclusive movies that I’ve seen tend to lean very heavily into the spooky house syndrome, and this movie is no exception. The house in this movie is almost comically decrepit. My other issue with this movie is that I have a difficult time believing that anyone would accept this job of being chained to a house for multiple days at a time. I mean talk about a fire hazard. But with that being said, I think this movie is very creepy and does a great job at building suspense. Its visuals can border on nightmare fuel and the screaming foxes in the background sent chills down my spine. There’s enough to this movie to keep me entertained the whole way through. 

Score 6/10

This week we review Stuart Gordon’s 1985 schlock classic: Re-animator. Does it go too far for modern audiences? Listen to find out.

Synopsis

Loosely based off of H.P. Lovecraft’s short story “Herbert West – Reanimator” this film stars Jeffery Combs as Herbert West, a weird genius science student that just arrived at the Miskatonic University. He immediately clashes with his professor in asserting superior knowledge over theories surrounding brain death, and makes him an enemy.

Also in his class is Dan Cain, who rents a room to Herbert. Dan is dating the dean’s daughter and is mainly in this movie to be choked.

As Herbert West experiments with a new serum, he discovers he has unlocked the secret to reanimating the dead. After confirming it’s efficacy with small animals, he seeks to experiment on dead humans.

Review of Re-Animator

Re-animator pure B-movie schlock done right. It pulls no punches with intense gore, nudity, and dark humor. It’s the spiritual sci-fi counterpart to Evil Dead, which came out four years earlier.

Dennis Paoli, the writer, came from the world of experimental theater in Chicago, and he brought a solid foundation with a surprisingly tight script.  Both him and the director Stuart Gordon wanted to create an homage to Frankenstein, and succeeded with Re-Animator. It really does recapture some of the straight faced humor of the original 1930s Frankenstein, but turns up everything to 11.

The special effects are sometimes laughably bad, but still endearing. Particularly the reanimated psycho cat is like something off of a cheap SNL sketch, but still ends up being very entertaining.

They didn’t even try to get a rating, since it would most likely get an X. Somehow they still toe the line for decency, editing some shots just right before they get too exploitative to ruin the fun.

Mainly that’s what this movie is: A lot of fun. This film should be studied for how to pull off low-budget campy horror.

Score

10/10

Synopsis

Red Christmas follows a blended family headed by matriarch Diane (Dee Wallace) as they prepare to celebrate Christmas together. When an unexpected cloaked figure pops up on their doorstep and insists on reading a letter he wrote for his mother to the family, long time secrets Diane has been keeping are revealed, along with a suspicious murderous spree. 

Review

There is a fine line between a campy movie and a really bad movie, and this film toes that line swimmingly. The movie is insane, it makes no sense at times, it’s funny, it’s wacky, it has really good kills, and it’s a Christmas movie. What better way to get into the Christmas spirit than to watch someone get axed hotdog style. I like this movie for its campiness, it’s very entertaining and while a lot of the plot is not logical, it is a fun slasher movie that you can enjoy with a cup of hot cocoa and some figgy pudding. It’s not the best movie of all time but it’s not trying to be. It’s trying to be a campy slasher romp, and that’s exactly what it is. If you can ignore the screwed up ‘message’ of the movie and just focus on how lovely Dee Wallace is, then you can enjoy this film.

Score

7/10

Do you want to feel like you are watching someone play a video game when you watch a movie? Well Silent Hill is the right movie for you.

Synopsis

Rose Da Silva brings her adopted daughter, Sharon, to the eerie ghost town of Silent Hill, hoping to find a cure for Sharon’s mysterious condition and learn why she is having nightmares about the town. Following a police chase and a brutal car accident, Sharon vanishes. Rose finds herself in a spooky ookie alternate dimension that occasionally turns into an even spookier OOKIER dimension filled with unimaginable horrors. As she frantically searches for her missing daughter she meets the townsfolk and finds out the towns LORE.

Review of Silent Hill

Having not played the video game this film is based on, I can already tell you that’s its a faithful adaptation. Because watching the first half of this film is like watching someone play a video game. And unfortunately they are not very good at it. I was left craving more cut scenes or maybe more scenes cut.

Some of the iconic imagery from the game of Pyramid head and the nurses are wedged in as non-sequiturs. I assumed that the film would make some kind of effort to explain them, but nope. I still have no idea what their significance is to the story.  

The thing that the movie really has going for it is production design, and vibes. The film is very moody and feels oppressive.

Unfortunately, the writing and acting is distractingly bad at times. Honestly, it felt like they spent all the budget on the production design, and then midway realized they never bothered with a script.

The last half of the movie redeems itself in some ways. The action and horror ramps up, the exposition finally gives us something to hold on to, and it actually ends up telling a story.

Overall, I felt like the film was too slow and uneven. There was some great body horror and memorable scenes, but unfortunately they are wrapped in a pretty forgettable movie.

Score 

4/10

Synopsis

• Stir of Echoes is about a lovely couple named Tom and Maggie. Tom, played by Kevin Bacon in maybe his greatest role ever is put in a hypnotic trance by Maggie’s sister at a dinner party. After having him put a needle through his hand which is super not cool, Tom is awoken from his mystic slumber. But something is off. He can see… ggggggg-Ghosts! Through his newfound second sight, Tom is about to do some miraculous things and fight crime. Just kidding he doesn’t fight crime but he does do some pretty incredible things. Meanwhile, their son Jake is also a psychic and stirs up some trouble in the neighborhood when he claims to have visions of a young girl who went missing six months prior.

Review of Stir of Echoes

• I went into Stir of Echoes cautiously. It did not look good; I had never heard of it, and the first act was beginning to confirm my doubt. It feels a little convoluted and messy, and you dont really know where the movie is headed. Certain scenes initially felt random and confusing, but as the movie progressed, I began getting more and more invested. While Stir of Echoes is not a very scary movie, the mystery did reel me in and by act 2 I was pretty invested in uncovering the truth. Kevin Bacon does a really good job of portraying a decent into madness and for half of the movie basically acts like a homeless schizophrenia person. It’s a joy to watch. Without giving anything away about the ending I will say that by the time the movie was over everything felt like it was wrapped up well and I no longer felt that the movie was convoluted. 

Score 7/10

Synopsis

30 Days of Night is a movie about Eben and Stella, a married couple in Alaska going through separation and a possible future divorce. Eben, the sheriff, is preparing his small town for the 30 days of night, where the sun doesn’t rise for a full month. Explain that flat-earthers. When trying to leave Alaska before the impending darkness Stella misses her flight, trapping her in the town. Although the 30 days of darkness is typically a challenge, Eben is wholly unprepared to deal with the invasion of deadly monsters that lie in wait. As darkness descends the creators wreak havoc (some might even say ravish) the town, and in the end, everyone gets more dark than they bargained for. 

Review of 30 Days of Night

This movie reminds me of Midnight Mass with its secluded small town and monsters to terrorize it. And I LOVE Midnight Mass. But 30 Days of Night is a much more straight-ahead story. There is no bigger picture or message being told, it’s just vampires, blood, and guts. I appreciated the family and character dynamics introduced in the first act, but honestly by act two when people start dying I didn’t really care who they were or how they were important to the story. It’s vampire time baby! The tension between Eben and his estranged wife Stella doesn’t really translate well, and they seem to have no tension between them at all once the danger presents itself. I respect the vampire lore in this movie a lot more than I do of movies that turn vampires into this sexy, mystical creature which at least for me takes the fear out of the design. Here the vampires are fast, strong, and animalistic with sharklike razor teeth. Much more interesting if you ask me. 

Score

6/10

Watch as Bryce and Max jump at the opportunity to talk about their missions as Sydney and Jordyn look on with glazed eyes.

Synopsis

Two naive Mormon missionaries, sister Barnes and sisterPaxton knock on the door of Mr. Reed, a lead that expressed interest in learning about the church of jesus christ of latter day saints. Mr. Reed, played by High Grant, is charming and warm to the ladies, but begins directly challenging their beliefs. As the Sisters get more and more uncomfortable they discover that they have been trapped inside the house and are given the monty hall choice of exiting through the door marked belief or the one marked disbelief.

Review of Heretic

I can recognize this as not a fantastic movie, however, I was thoroughly entertained for my own reasons. Having served a mission for the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints, I was pumped to see a Hollywood movie premise around the experience, which is very unique. Most of my enjoyment was from picking apart what they got wrong and what they got right, so your mileage will vary.

That being said, it’s a unique premise, and the themes of religion, belief, and doubt are rarely given this much thought and analysis in a horror movie. 

I thought the performances were great. I love Hugh Grant as a character actor more than as a romantic lead. He is properly menacing as a spider entrapping these women in his web. The female leads both did very well, especially Sophie Thatcher portraying the awkward earnest humor of a Mormon Missionary.

The writing and pacing is very inconsistent. Some stretches of exposition dumps come off as heavy handed and preachy. There were some character inconsistencies, and I’m sure there are plenty of plot holes to fill.

The first act is definitely the best, and most of it you see in the trailer. The dread and terror as the Sisters slowly realize that they are in real danger and try to navigate politely out of the situation is really spot on.

Score

6/10

Synopsis Possum is about a disgraced puppeteer named Philip who is fired from his job after an unknown workplace incident and returns to his childhood home to destroy his puppet and face his past. While Philip wanders around his old town trying to make sense of his traumatic past, a local schoolboy goes missing. Philips's uncle Maurice lives a lifestyle of squaller and filth as a squatter in Philips's old home, and the two have a lovely and passionate reunion. Uh just kidding Philip hates Maurice, and the two have many strained and uncomfortable conversations over the course of the movie. Philip attempts multiple times to rid himself of his creepy puppet who he calls possum, and learns more about his past along the way. Review of Possum Possum is a very slow burn with minimal dialogue and odd acting styles. The actor playing the main character, Philip, looks like he has no idea how to stand like a normal human being, and I love that. The movie is low-budget, and it definitely shows. The whole thing was basically just filming a man running around with a puppet. Not much happens for the majority of the movie, and sometimes it feels like you are watching pretty much nothing. But, there are layers to this film. It is all about running from your trauma, and how you can't escape it unless you face it. The puppet is creepy, the house is disgusting, Maurice is disgusting-er, and I was left with a rotten and hollow feeling after watching this movie. Score 7/10