How can we support our boys’ well-being during a youth mental health crisis? How can we help them navigate life in this digital age?

Katey McPherson has been working on these issues for years. Since we last talked in 2019, she and others have helped the state of Arizona pass a bundle of laws intended to decrease youth suicide. She’s also helped countless schools, communities, and families learn how they can support youth mental health in the current digital age.

In this episode, Janet & Katey discuss:

• How to keep kids safe (safer?) when using school-issued computers & other digital devices
• Targeting of kids on social media and online gaming platforms
• Kids’ online relationships
• Tech tools to help you monitor your kids’ online activities
• School shootings (and how we can prevent them)
• Talking to kids about suicidal thoughts
• Increasing the likelihood that your child will talk to you about tough things
• Supporting youth mental health

Takeaways:

• We are facing significant challenges affecting our youth’s mental health.
• Legislative changes can lead to improved suicide prevention resources.
• Parents must understand the limitations of school-issued devices at home.
• Social media can exacerbate feelings of exclusion and anxiety in youth.
• Community support is crucial in preventing school violence.
• Suicidal ideation often precedes violent actions in youth.
• Open communication about mental health is essential for parents.
• AI is becoming a critical tool in monitoring student safety.
• It’s never too late to implement changes in parenting strategies.
• Youth need coping strategies to deal with emotional pain.

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

The Hope Institute

What You Need to Know About Boys & Suicide (w Katey McPherson) — ON BOYS episode

Red Flags, Safety Nets, & School Shootings — BuildingBoys post

Katey's website is currently under construction. If you'd like to reach her, you can email her at [email protected]

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Do you know what the “man box” is?

Your boys do, whether they know the term or not. The “man box” is the set of expectations, perceptions, and behaviors that are considered “manly” in our society.

In this episode, Jen, Janet, and Ted Bunch, Chief Development Officer of A Call to Men, explore the complexities boys face in a world that still clings to outdated ideas about masculinity. Ted shares his perspective on how we can empower boys to live authentically, develop respectful relationships, and move beyond the limitations of the “Man Box,” which often keep boys from becoming their true selves.

Ted Bunch

Together, they discuss ways parents and caregivers can help boys embrace their emotions, communicate openly, and understand the importance of consent. Ted also addresses tough topics, including the impact of pornography, the cultural confusion surrounding sexual consent, and how societal expectations can distort boys’ perceptions of masculinity. Through honest, practical conversations, this episode gives listeners the tools to support boys as they navigate these challenges and to foster connections that build character, respect, and self-awareness.

In this episode, Jen, Janet & Ted discuss:

• How to help boys find and express their authentic selves
• The pervasive “Man Box” and how to break free of it
• Why boys struggle to define consent—and how to help
• Pornography’s impact on boys’ relationships
• Conversations dads and caregivers need to have with boys
• Encouraging boys to recognize the effects of their actions on others
• Understanding and addressing the impact of sexual abuse on boys

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

A Call to Men — includes helpful information & data, as well as links to their programs

Tony Porter’s TED Talk about the Man Box

What I’ve Learned Since My Son Came Out — article by Ted, mentioned at 38:37

The New Masculinity — ON BOYS episode

Empowering Boys to Challenge Rape Culture — ON BOYS episode

Gender Norms Limit Boys (& Girls!) — ON BOYS episode

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Puberty, perimenopause, and neurodivergence affects brains and bodies.

And in two or more of those things are going on in our household at the same time…well, things can get particularly challenging, says Amy Lang, founder of Birds & Bees & Kids.

Amy & Janet discuss it all in this ON BOYS episode

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

The 3 Key Things Your Neurodivergent Boy Needs to Know about Sex (and 3 Things You Need to Know) 

Peri-menopause & Puberty: The Match Made in Heck – Get tickets here

Tue Nov 19, 2024 7:00 PM – 8:00 PM PST

Birds & Bees & Kids — Amy’s website

Resources recommended by Amy:

You Know, Sex: Bodies, Gender, Puberty, And Other Things

Sex Talks With Tweens: What To Say & How To Say It

Amaze.org/us

BARK (inside US)

Qustodio (monitoring outside US)

Sex Ed for Neurodiverse Kids  – ON BOYS episode w Amy Lang

Keeping Boys Safe Online (w Amy Lang) — ON BOYS episode

Talk to Boys About Sex (w Amy Lang) — ON BOYS episode

Puberty, Perimenopause, & Midlife Parenting — ON BOYS episode

Breakthrough Session for Family Coaching

Schedule your no-cost call with Janet at https://boysalive.com/call

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Raising boys isn’t easy. Living isn’t easy! But with patience, trust, and community support, it’s easier — & more pleasant.

In this wide-ranging conversation, Janet Allison & Jennifer L.W. Fink , the hosts of ON BOYS podcast, discuss the reality of raising boys in 2024.

Takeaways:

• Nobody has it all figured out.
• Letting there be room for not knowing is crucial.
• Learning to tolerate discomfort is part of the process.
• Trusting the unfolding of our children’s development is essential.
• You are a different parent than you were a year ago.
• Boy development is trustworthy and unique to each child.
• Watch your boys, not the clock; focus on their growth.
• Look at your kid, not the milestones set by society.
• Parenting is the greatest personal development course.
• Let go and let us be your safety net.

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

Dealing with Change, Anxiety, & Energy (Listener Q & A) — ON BOYS episode

Trust — BuildingBoys blog post

Trust Your Boys — BuildingBoys blog post

Breakthrough Session for Family Coaching

Schedule your no-cost call with Janet at https://boysalive.com/call

Sponsor Spotlight: Hello Fresh

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Sponsor Spotlight: IXL

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Boys need support, not disdain

In June 2024, Andrew Reiner, author of Better Boys, Better Men: The New Masculinity That Creates Greater Courage and Emotional Resiliency, published an article entitled “Our culture’s trashing of boys & men is having toxic consequences.”

In this episode, he and Jen discuss what boys need & we can best support boys.

Takeaways:

• Boys need support, not disdain.
• Cultural perceptions of masculinity can be harmful.
• Media often portrays boys negatively.
• Boys are falling behind in education.
• It’s important to understand boys’ emotional needs.
• Parents and educators play a crucial role.
• Challenging traditional masculinity is necessary.
• Creating safe spaces for boys is essential.
• Engaging boys in education requires new approaches.
• Researching boys’ experiences is vital for change.

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

andrewreinerauthor.com –– Andrew’s website

Andrew Reiner: Building Boys’ Mental Health & Resiliency — ON BOYS episode

Better Boys, Better Men: The New Masculinity that Creates Greater Courage and Emotional Resiliency, by Andrew Reiner

The Trouble with Boys Isn’t Boys — article by Andrew

Young, Male, & Adrift — article by Andrew

Boys are Great shop — boy-affirming merch!

Sponsor Spotlight: Hello Fresh

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Sponsor Spotlight: IXL

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AI — artificial intelligence — is already a big part of our everyday lives.

We rely on it to help us get from one place to another. (GPS directions, anyone?) We use it to polish our prose. (Spell check and Grammarly, for instance.) Customer service chatbots and product recommendations based on previous purchases — all of these are built on AI.

The public release of ChatGPT, a AI system that using natural language processing, has accelerated the use of AI in modern life. Students routinely use it for school work — to dismay of some teachers. As AI becomes more integrated into the tools and technologies we use every day, understanding how it works—and how to use it responsibly—is becoming essential for both adults and children.

(AI, in fact, helped me rewrite that last sentence. Initially, it said, “Understanding AI & how to use it ethically is quickly becoming a necessary skill.)

In this episode, we talk with Angela Radcliffe, a mom of two, clinical research expert, and AI enthusiast who created Quantum Kids, Guardians of AI: Story Quest and Activity Book to help kids (and their parents) understand ethical uses of AI.

Takeaways:

• AI is rapidly evolving and impacting how children learn.
• Writing with AI can enhance creativity but requires careful guidance.
• Ethics in AI usage is crucial for responsible parenting.
• AI should be treated as a peer to foster collaboration.
• Teaching kindness and responsibility is essential in the age of AI.
• New ways of thinking may emerge from AI’s influence on education.
• Parents should actively engage with AI to understand its capabilities.
• Practical, fun uses of AI can help demystify the technology for families.
• Transparency and trust are vital in navigating AI’s impact.
• AI can be a valuable tool for enhancing everyday tasks and creativity.

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

Quantum Kids, Guardians of AI: Story Quest and Activity Book, created by Angela Radcliffe

What Teachers Told Me About AI in School

Teens Using AI to Create Deepfakes of Classmates Prompts New Bill 

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Young Black men and boys remain the most vulnerable student population in U.S. schools. 

That’s why David Kirkland, founder & CEO of forwardED, is asking educators to “put a deliberate focus on Black boys” this year – to uplift Black boys, of course, but also because research shows that addressing the needs of our most vulnerable populations helps ALL.

“It’s not that Black males fail. It’s that we fail Black males,” David says. “it’s important for us to reframe that focus so we can understand what we can do better.”

Takeaways:

• Black boys are the most vulnerable student population in U.S. schools, facing persistent disparities in academic achievement and discipline.
• The education system is failing Black boys, and the framing of the issue needs to shift from blaming Black males to recognizing that the system fails them.
• A comprehensive approach is needed, including funding, culturally responsive education, policy changes, and a shift in mindset and practices.
• Addressing the needs of Black boys will benefit all students and lead to better outcomes in the education system.

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

www.forward-ed.com/

Reclaiming Possibliity: An Intentional Focus on Black Boys This School Year — article by David

Can We Talk? A Critical Examination of Cellphone Bans in Schools — article by David

Black Boys Matter — ON BOYS episode

Supporting Black Boys Mental Health (w Chandra White-Cummings) — ON BOYS episode

Boys in School Task Force — ON BOYS episode

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Stop, drop, grow, and glow?

That’s Holly Swenson’s advice to parents. Swenson, a RN-turned-writer and mom of 4 boys (currently ages 10, 13, 15, & 15) was approximately seven years into parenting when she realized that “when you are taking care of yourself, you’re better able to take care of everyone in her life.”

She & Jen talk about her book, Stop, Drop, Grow, & Glow: Forming Deeper & More Joyful Connections with Yourself & Your Children.

Takeaways:

• Self-awareness and self-care are essential for effective parenting.
• Balancing the needs and interests of multiple children requires intentionality and mindfulness.
• Reacting to situations can be counterproductive, while responding thoughtfully fosters deeper connections.
• Parenting is a journey of personal growth and self-improvement.
• The Stop, Drop, Grow, and Glow method encourages reflection, letting go of past experiences, cultivating growth and self-awareness, and embracing joy and gratitude. Self-care is essential for parents to show up as their best selves for their children.
• Children can be a catalyst for personal growth and healing for parents.
• Finding time for self-care may require creativity and microdosing self-care throughout the day.
• Water, such as taking a shower or bath, can be grounding and energizing for parents.
• Maintaining a sense of humor and lightness can help navigate the challenges of parenting.
• Prioritizing self-care and personal growth is an ongoing process that requires intention and discipline.

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

Stop, Drop, Grow, & Glow: Forming Deeper & More Joyful Connections with Yourself & Your Children, by Holly Swenson

liveyourglow.live — Holly’s website

Mom is in Control with Heather Chauvin — ON BOYS episode

Sponsor Spotlight: Avoila

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Sponsor Spotlight: Artifact Uprising

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Sponsor Spotlight: IXL

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Kids can thrive at any size, says Jill Castle, a pediatric dietician, parent, and author of Kids Thrive at Any Size: How to Nourish Your Big, Small, or In-Between Child for a Lifetime of Health & Happiness.

Takeaways:

• Feeding kids in a healthy way can be challenging, but it’s important to raise children of all sizes to be physically healthy and emotionally well.
• Family culture plays a significant role in shaping children’s attitudes towards food and body size.
• Body neutrality focuses on the functionality of the body rather than its appearance, promoting acceptance and self-love.
• Growth charts are a tool for tracking a child’s growth over time, but they should not be used to define a child’s health or worthiness.
• Parents can advocate for their children by addressing biases and stigma related to body size, both within the extended family and in healthcare settings.
• Creating a positive meal environment and supporting children’s individual appetites can help build healthy eating habits.
• Parents should prioritize sleep, as it plays a crucial role in children’s growth and appetite regulation.
• Health should be measured by factors beyond weight, such as blood pressure, respiratory rate, and cardiovascular fitness.

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

jillcastle.com — Jill’s website

Kids Thrive at Any Size: How to Nourish Your Big, Small, or In-Between Child for a Lifetime of Health & Happiness — Jill’s latest book

The Nourished Child — Jill’s podcast

Picky Eaters, Family Meals, & Nutrition — ON BOYS episode

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How can parents overcome their fears and worries so they can say YES to their boys’ interests and passions?

That’s the question we discuss with Heather Sponholz, a “boy mom” who’s said yes to her teenage sons’ solo National Parks trips, MMA fighting, and ambitious Christmas lights project.

Takeaways:

• Navigating the balance between freedom and safety for teenagers can be challenging for parents.
• Allowing teenagers to take solo trips can help them develop independence and learn important life skills.
• Trusting in your child’s ability to navigate challenges and make responsible decisions is essential.
• Supporting teenagers in pursuing their passions and interests can have a positive impact on their personal growth. Supporting and nurturing boys’ passions and interests is important for their personal growth and development.
• Parents should overcome their fears and worries and allow their children to pursue activities that they are passionate about.
• Community support and mentorship can play a crucial role in helping boys pursue their interests.
• Parents should prioritize their children’s passions and provide them with the necessary resources and opportunities to explore and excel in their chosen fields.
• Allowing boys to face challenges and learn from their experiences helps them develop problem-solving skills and resilience.

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

Encouraging Independence — ON BOYS episode

Autonomy-Supportive Parenting — ON BOYS episode

Step In or Step Back? — ON BOYS episode

Age 16 & Learning to Let Go — BuildingBoys post

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SheKnows’ “Be a Man” project is an “exploration of what it means to be a man today,” says Erika Janes, a “boy mom” and SheKnows editor-in-chief.

Importantly, the project includes teen boys and gives them an opportunity to share their thoughts about manhood and masculinity. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the boys’ responses reflect our still-evolving understanding of gender. Crying, for instance, is still seen as a term with strongly feminine connotations, “but almost every boy we talked to said that they did cry,” Janes says. “They still feel like there’s a stigma to boys and men crying, but for the most part, almost of all of them said, ‘I cry at times.'”

Boys, she says, “still get so many messages about traditional masculinity — ‘don’t cry, be strong, be a man.’ But they need to be allowed to express healthy emotion, to express vulnerability, to be able to cry and express sadness. We need to understand and accept that teen boys have all the same emotions as teen girls and that it’s healthier if they have outlets to express them.”

Takeaways:

• The Be A Man project on She Knows provides a comprehensive look into the lives of teen boys, covering topics such as masculinity, mental health, and social media.
• It is important to include and listen to teen boys in conversations about their experiences and perspectives.
• Parents of boys may face challenges in understanding and raising boys, but it is important to provide support and guidance.
• The project aims to provide advice and resources for parents navigating these topics with their teen boys.

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

We Asked 4 Teen Boys to Test New Fall Fragrances – Here’s What They Said – SheKnows article

The Response to Tim Walz’s Son’s Proud Tears at the DNC is a Telling Look at Masculinity & Emotion — SheKnows article

How Teen Boys View Male Celebrities & Masculinity, from Ryan Reynolds to Timothee Chalamet — SheKNow article

Gender Equality, Boys, & Men — ON BOYS episode featuring Richard V. Reeves

BoyMom Ruth Whippman on Reimaging Boyhood — ON BOYS episode

Dr. Niobe Way on Reimagining Boys — ON BOYS episode

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