We’re finally doing it — an episode dedicated to all things demisexuality!

Understanding demisexuality was the lightbulb I needed in fully understanding myself and how/why my attraction has looked like the way it has. I always felt … weird. Different. And I didn’t understand why I didn’t experience that initial intense physical attraction towards someone, ever.

In todays episode, we dive into my personal flavor of demisexuality, how I’ve adapted my dating practices to align with my unique needs and all about the lightbulb switch that has everything to do with my attraction needs.

THINGS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Episode 160

The Podcast Instagram

WORK, SUPPORT & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website | Tik Tok

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Join her email list for free curated playlists and very occasional gifts & announcements in your inbox

DM or email Amanda for current somatic/embodiment coaching opportunities

One of the most common things I get asked by you all is how I’m really doing post / during my divorce, and I get it. I haven’t really talked about how I’m doing in a direct way regarding this particular piece of my story and while that’s been intentional — I realized that not doing so was also a disservice to all of you and to this process.

If there’s anything I’ve realized through this experience, it’s that there are not a lot of blueprints out there on how to navigate the process of a divorce. What you might expect. Shit you might face.

I thought I could have predicted what the last year and half would look like. And I was wrong. It’s been a rollercoaster. One that I’m finally sharing more about on todays episode.

If you are going through a divorce or a de-escalation, please give yourself some grace. This shit is hard. Complicated. Messy. And if you know someone going through either, reach out to them and tell them you’re there.

PS: my neighbors downstairs were having what sounded like a rave during the only time I had to record this so, enjoy the weird ambient music LOL

WORK, SUPPORT & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website | Tik Tok

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Join her email list for free curated playlists and very occasional gifts & announcements in your inbox

DM or email Amanda for current somatic/embodiment coaching opportunities

Did I ever think I’d have a former partner, a queer platonic partner and a platonic life partner together for an in depth conversation around all things queerness? If you had told me a few years ago, I would have been like hell no. I didn’t even know platonic partnership could be a thing back then. AND to have former partners of mine want to participate in my world and be willing to navigate the nuance and intricacies of de-escalation alongside of me while also witnessing me in partnership? I imagined it — hoped for it — but to have it realized is such a gift.

I love these humans. They are some of my most treasured folks in my inner constellation of loved ones. I have learned so much from being in partnership and in sphere with Rach (she/her), Kels (they/them) and Kristen (she/her). And I am just so f*cking excited to share this conversation with one of you.

It might just be my favorite episode to date.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

queer-ness as a celebration of anti-normative living and being

the idea of hierarchy and the variety of what commitment can look like in relationships

romantic, platonic relationships

internalized homophobia

the difference between bisexuality and pansexuality

how the patriarchy and comp het impacts queer dynamics

and a shit ton of goofy energy and personal stories

CONNECT WITH KRISTEN, RACH & KELS:

Instagram: Kristen | Rach | Kels

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Fucking Queer Merch - use code QUEERDO for 15% off

Episode 100: This Is Pride (We’re Here And We’re Queer)

Rachels previous episodes: Episode 148: Platonic Intimacy & Why We Really Went On A Break | Episode 86 | Episode 64: How Fluid id Sexuality Anyways? | Episode 51: Breaking the Stigma of Therapy | Episode 37: The Truth About Anxiety | Episode 9

WORK, SUPPORT & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Snag one of Amanda’s June somatic embodiment coaching pop up sessions : 60 mins | 90 mins

Amanda’s Instagram | Website | Tik Tok

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Join her email list for free curated playlists and very occasional gifts & announcements in your inbox

This is my fifth pride out as a queer person, and I would be lying if I said that I haven’t felt at a loss on how to being to find queer community. Part of queer-ness isn’t just going from thinking you’re straight to knowing you’re queer and then voila, you’ve got the queer life of your dreams. It’s a whirlwind of unpacking comp het, going through queer puberty (I used to scoff at the idea of this but it’s a thing), and finding where you feel the most at home and yourself in your queerness.

Not to mention getting your brain unf*cked from the patriarchy.

These are conversations I have in my own circles, often, and I’m so grateful to have someone like Rainn in my own life to learn from and converse with. And I’m even more stoked that they agreed to come on the pod for us to have one of these conversations with all of you.

If you aren’t familiar with Rainn (She/They), she is a Black lesbian artist and writer living in Chicago. She’s the Host and Co-Organizer of Fruit Salad, a monthly queer open mic. Her writing has appeared in several online publications, and her second poetry chapbook, “In our hands, citrus” will be released later this year. Her artwork has appeared at Co-Prosperity Sphere, The Whistler, The Robin in the Martin, and The Franklin.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

how the fuck to make queer friends

their queer timeline and how she’s navigated all things non monogamy, internalized homophobia and de-escalations in their relationships

why lesbianism means so much to her

how to know where you belong

local artist & queer community, and the way she’s personally contributing to it with Fruit Salad

all things chosen family, sapphic love, power dynamics in relationships and beyond

ALL THINGS BEDUCATED:

Get 40% off yearly pass for Beducated — use code: fuckyes

Best part? You can try ALL Beducated courses for 1 Day FREE! You won’t get charged for the first 24 hours so if it’s not for you, you can cancel.

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Rainn’s Instagram

Fruit Salad | Dorothy Downstairs | The Martin

Fucking Queer Merch - use code QUEERDO for 15% off

WORK, SUPPORT & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Snag one of Amanda’s June somatic embodiment coaching pop up sessions : 60 mins | 90 mins

Amanda’s Instagram | Website | Tik Tok

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Join her email list for free curated playlists and very occasional gifts & announcements in your inbox

CW: sexual assault, harassment

“Something is wrong with me.” Words I used to think and say out loud all the damn time when I wasn’t feeling turned on enough or when I felt pain during sex or when I started having sex with vulva owners and had no idea what the fuck I was doing.

If only I’d known about how trauma and living in a culture rooted in the patriarchy can impact our own body’s (and thus selves) ability to access our own needs for consent, our own voice and access our own desires.

In todays very raw and incredibly important episode, I’m so honored to be joined by Mariah Freya (she/her), co-founder and CEO of Beducated — the worlds leading online shame free sex education platform — to deep dive into all of this and more.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

our shared experience with sexual trauma and how that has impacted our sex lives and capacity for pleasure

cultivating safety in sex

Mariah’s dangerous experience in the tantric community

how big tech is intentionally getting in the way of shame free sex education

dissociation and PTSD responses during / around sex

ways to deepen into your pleasure with intention

navigating low libido, pelvic floor pain, cults, punk culture and beyond

ALL THINGS BEDUCATED:

Get 50% off yearly pass for Beducated — use code: fuckyes

Best part? You can try ALL Beducated courses for 1 Day FREE! You won’t get charged for the first 24 hours so if it’s not for you, you can cancel :)

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Mariah’s Instagram | Beducated’s Instagram — use code “fuckyes”

NXIVM documentary the Vow

Fucking Queer Merch - use code QUEERDO for 15% off

WORK, SUPPORT & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website | Tik Tok

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Patreon to support the pod

Join her email list for free curated playlists and very occasional gifts & announcements in your inbox

Fucking Queer Merch — 100% of proceeds from now through the end of Pride Month will go towards the LGBTQ+ charity/organization the community chooses

Well, fuck, this episode means the world to me and I am just so damn grateful to get to introduce you all beyond the gram to my queer platonic partner, Kels (they/them).

I’ve loved cultivating this partnership over the last year of my life. They mean the absolute world to me, and finding our way into what we are today has been a journey — one that I’m very proud of, and one that we get into the nitty gritty of in this conversation.

Relationships don’t have to be sexual to be partnerships. Period. Our relationship continues to show me the depth and epic nature of platonic intimacy. And how epic and nuanced queer love is. How our queer love is. And I’m so deeply honored to get to share a little big piece of this love of mine with all of you.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

the story of our love and how we’ve evolved into what we are today

the different types of attraction

the fear/complexities of building the blueprint of non-traditional relationships like ours

the overlap of the non monogamous and queer communities

what our queer platonic partnership looks like in practice

queer-ing your relationships, identity, top surgery, queer/gender expression & beyond

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Fucking Queer Merch - use code QUEERDO for 15% off / proceeds go to the Brave Space Alliance

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website | Tik Tok

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Patreon — donate to support the pod, content etc.

Join her email list for free curated playlists and very occasional gifts & announcements in your inbox

You probably know them as the trio that started the Multiamory podcast, and I’m so honored to know them as peers, friends and colleagues. When they reached out to let me know that their book was getting ready to be released and that they wanted to come on the podcast to share, it was an easy f*ck yes.

If you are new to these incredible humans, Jase, Emily, and Dedeker have spent the last decade raising awareness, providing approachable resources, and combat the stigma faced by people in non-traditional relationships. Today, with hundreds of episodes, millions of downloads around the world, and a rapidly growing community, they are dedicated to offering practical advice and communication tools, grounded in the latest relationship research, guest experts, and years of professional experience. 

I’m so grateful for them and their commitment to this work. And if you happen to be experiencing them for the first time via this podcast, I’m so stoked to introduce you to all things Multiamory.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

what their work in the relationship sphere has taught them most about their own experience in relationships

why there’s been a surge of folks stepping into non monogamy the last few years

what tools in the book that they personally use the most

how it’s okay to breakup

navigating conflict, PTSD and somatic support, praise kinks, fighting for visibility & beyond!

CONNECT WITH EMILY, JASE & DEDEKER:

Get the Multiamory book - preorder today, available 5/23/23

Multiamory’s Instagram | Tik Tok

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Dedeker’s original episode

Ambiamory

Fucking Queer Merch - use code QUEERDO for 15% off

WORK, SUPPORT & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Fucking Queer Merch — 100% of proceeds from now through the end of Pride Month will go towards the LGBTQ+ charity/organization the community chooses

Amanda’s Instagram | Website | Tik Tok

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Patreon to support the pod

Join her email list for free curated playlists and very occasional gifts & announcements in your inbox

Is hierarchy in relationships ethical? A very important question that folks in non monogamous and monogamous relationships alike have been asking and unpacking and holy balls, do we have a lot to say about this subject.

I’ve had a WILD ride when it comes to hierarchy in relationships since I was in high school. Although I didn’t have the language at the time (and internal knowing and understanding that I could exist in any other ways), I’ve always been a queer, ambiamorous, demisexual relationship anarchist. AND I also externally looked like I was existing in and choosing a wildly heteronormative, “traditional” relationship that appeared very hierarchical. And yet, it wasn’t that at all.

Today, we talk about, simply, if hierarchical relationships are ethical.

Hint: (you guessed it), my answer is clear and also nuanced, ‘cause there are so many systems and structures in place in western society that makes this answer much more complicated than a hard YES or NO.

And, as always, I share what experiences I navigated in rectifying with these things in my own personal unlearning process around all things toxic monogamy culture, the patriarchy, heteronormativity and beyond. Let’s get the f*ck into it.

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Episode 134: I’m Addicted To You Don’t You Know That You’re Toxic Monogamy

Fucking Queer Merch - use code QUEERDO for 15% off / proceeds go to the Brave Space Alliance

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website | Tik Tok

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Patreon — donate to support the pod, content etc.

Join her email list for free curated playlists and very occasional gifts & announcements in your inbox

SHE’S BACK!!! And holy balls is this conversation juicy AF.

If you’re newer to the pod, Jordan Shomer (she/her) is a friend, colleague and our very own resident astrologer. Jordan is a Queer Jewish intuitive astrologer who recognizes the patterns and puzzles of astrology and synthesizes them into stories that land on your heart. She believes that within the map of the stars lives a blueprint to healing and guidebook to growth. She is passionate about holding space for you to greet yourself in all your cosmic glory. And f*ck me, is she pure magic.

Every time we have Jordan on, I get full body chills. And in preparation for todays episode, I listened back to the episode we last did in December 2021 and when I tell you every. thing. that. she. predicated. came. true.

And in true to form of our previous episodes, I got hella fucking emotional and am brimming with gratitude for this conversation, and I know you will feel it too. And learn SO much about what’s to come and where we’re moving from as a collective, so you can come home to yourself as the uniquely beautiful individual you are.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

owning and embodying our intuitive witchy selves

your sun, moon and rising signs in astrology

setting boundaries and navigating the patriarchal culture in our intimate relationships

saturn returns, what to expect, and how Amanda’s coincided with the downfall of her marriage

standing in your power and coming home to your wholehearted self

anti-capitalism, what to expect astrologically speaking in 2023, finding the magic in the mess, breaking the binary, some personal updates & beyond

CONNECT WITH JORDAN:

Jordans Instagram | Newsletter

Book a reading with Jordan

Moon gatherings

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Fucking Queer Merch - use code QUEERDO for 15% off

Jordans previous episodes: episode 76, episode 111

The 7 spiritual laws of success by Deepak Choprah

Alok V Menon

All About love

Thousand Miles (feat. Brandi Carlisle) by Miley Cyrus

WORK, SUPPORT & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Fucking Queer Merch — 100% of proceeds from now through the end of Pride Month will go towards the LGBTQ+ charity/organization the community chooses

Amanda’s Instagram | Website | Tik Tok

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Patreon to support the pod

Join her email list for free curated playlists and very occasional gifts & announcements in your inbox

I dropped the “I don’t identify as polyamorous anymore” bomb a few months ago & I’m finally sharing the behind the scenes of why I arrived there. I promise you, it’s not what many folks think. So let’s get the fuck into it, bbs.

Some things I talk about in todays episode:

The mess and the magic of sifting through identity markers to figure out who the fuck you are

My own process of feeling seen within the label of ambiamory and what it means

The collective cry around breaking the binary, and what that has looked like for my own journey

My unique timeline of queer liberation, relationship anarchy, demisexuality, divorce & coming home to my deepest knowing

Critical thinking & navigating the nuance of humanity

Sifting through the balance of rejecting, at my core, the patriarchy & capitalism while finding ways to flow within the structures we currently have to operate within

Witchy astrology queer shit, somatic healing, trauma and nervous system recovery, gender fluidity & expression and beyond.

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Who I am Updated Instagram post

Ambiamory definition

Episode 151: Let’s Talk Relationship Anarchy

Episode 134: I’m Addicted To You Don’t You Know That You’re Toxic Monogamy

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Patreon - support the pod & join her “close friends” list on Instagram at the $5+ level

Amanda’s Instagram | Website | Tik Tok

Join email list for occasional nudges, offerings and love.

You’ve asked for an entire episode on all things relationship anarchy and I’m so stoked to be kicking off the conversation and deep dive into all things relationship anarchy with the one person that’s made me feel the most seen by sharing their lived experience as a demisexual relationship anarchist who has been in polyamorous and monogamous dynamics alike : Abby Rosmarin aka my mutual and friend on Tik Tok (and in real life) @notjennifergarner

Abby (she/they) is a writer, content creator, mental health professional, trauma-informed yoga instructor, and former commercial model. She is the author of 7 books, including the Amazon Bestseller The Ballerina's Guide to Boxing. She is also known as NotJenniferGarner on TikTok, where she has amassed nearly half a million followers. Abby is also getting her Master's in Clinical Mental Health Counseling.

This conversation felt like a warm hug to my heart, and I know it will feel that way for you too. So cozy up with us and let’s fucking go baby!

Things highlighted in todays episode:

what relationship anarchy is / means to both Abby and Amanda

relationship anarchy being occasionally equated to abuse

autonomy being falsely equated with lack of accountability

nuance is everything

ways to tangibly live out relationship anarchist values

platonic partners, hierarchy, comp het and comp monogamy, intention and beyond

CONNECT WITH ABBY:

Abby’s Instagram | Tik Tok | Patreon

Buy Abby’s Books

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Relationship Anarchy Manifesto

Relationship libertarian

Episode 145 : Abuse in Non Monogamy

Crony Capitalism

Amanda’s Fuck Yes Relationship Manifesto

Multiamory

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Patreon - join her “close friends” list on Instagram at the $5+ level

Fucking Queer Merch

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Amanda’s Instagram | Website | Tik Tok

Join her email list for very occasional gifts & announcements in your inbox