Oh! Hey! Good morning! Afternoon! Evening! Night! I hope you’re having fun listening to the show! That’s annoying, huh? Sorry. I thought it might be kind of cool to start off the episode description with a kind of singsong chant. But you hated it. And now you’re mad. I’ll just have to make it up to you with a cool! Classic! Ep of the show! When will I stop chanting, I bet you’d like to know!!

On this week’s episode of the show we got a way to track your dog’s heart rate, a device that helps you carry six beers (what would you even call that??) and a cock ring. That’s it, really. It’s just a cock ring. And you know what that thing’s all about. But we’re willing to tell you even more. And we don’t chant about it. On an all-new episode of YKS!

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. 

YKS Premium! THIS is where you gotta go at and listen to the, at the — the show that we are the doing to uh show. :-) 

This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:

Rocket Money - Well I guess if you had 400,000 mrillion trillion dollars it wouldn’t matter too much to you about saving money. But there’s only a few guys like that. And they are so so busy doing their work that they don’t have time to listen to podcast ads. So this is for the rest of us guys who could save a coupla dollars! Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com/YKS. 

Factor - Don’t have FOMO! Fear of Missing Out! Instead, get FOMO - Factor On Mouth Oh! My goodness, that’s what you’ll be saying when you eat these delicious meals. At your door in mere days! Ooo la la! Head to FactorMeals.com/yks50 and use code yks50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next box.

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This is going to be a short description today because the delivery guy came to the house at 6am and startled my dog, who went crazy and woke me up. I didn’t ask for the thing to be here that early but that’s okay. I should know better than to order stuff. Or have a dog or go to sleep or any of that stuff. I look stupid now. And I feel quite stupid as well. But, I do have my item. And I love it.

On this episode we got a nice way to mangle your hands that doesn’t even require your hands to do it, a doorbell so stupid not even I want it, and a mind-reading guy inventing a card game. There’s 3 other ones also, which makes sense if you’ve paid attention to the show at all. Although it is my understanding that many of you use it as a sleep aid, so, nevermind. Wake up asshole it’s a package!!

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. 

YKS Premium – It’s basically what we’re doing every time you knock on the door and we say “Go away! Leave us alone! We’re not doing anything!” Last week we went to a Simpsons pop-up and had a normal amount of fun at it. And who knows what we’ll get up to next! Maybe another kind of pop-up!

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Elegance in your palm! Elegance in your palm! We all crave it, and we’d all do anything to have it…but would we spend $28? Perhaps not. On today’s show we answer that question and many others, up to and including, “Laptop in car?” and “Why do they call it oven when you of in the cold food of out hot eat the food”! Plus, JF takes his rightful L. What a pathetic excuse for a man. Let’s light his ass up, by listening to today’s episode!

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. 

Need more of that YKS shit in ya life? I recommend subscribing to YKS Premium! I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t good, and I would absolutely lie to you in a heartbeat, but luckily at this time I don’t have to. The show is just that damn good. Last week we had on the great Howell Dawdy, and even though it seems like between this voicemail and the the premium episode that we are becoming dangerously Howell-obsessed, they were recorded like a month apart so it’s totally normal! Howell shows off some of his collection of freaks, which we love to see, and I daresay we even learn a little along the way. But that’s just Howell’s way. 

Check out Movie Night with Big Howell and our own DB at twitch.tv/bighowelldawdy

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We love our wonderful celebs, don’t we folks! Or, wait, maybe we don’t love them! I don’t know, I’m going to have to check the list. Now I feel like Santy Claus…but it’s only April! Good gravy this is a confusing episode and it’s only the description part. Just wait til you get to the listening part of the show. And when you do, what you’ll hear is a hell of a lot of laughs, some serious personal insults, and a list of women that teenagers on the computer have decided they don’t like. Plus: a Nespresso machine that can shoot out stuff that makes you go to sleep instead (reverse Nespresso), Brandage by Antix, and yet another toilet brush. Just when you think you’ve seen them all. Another toilet brush. Wahoo! 

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. 

YKS Premium - “It’s so good we’re not going to do AI to it!” - Andreessen Horowitz

Okay they didn’t say that…but what if they did?! Well anyway, check out YKS Premium to get even more YKS, which has surely got to interest some of you, statistically speaking. Coming up this month: the return of Howell Dawdy’s beautiful Freak Show, a YKScapades to “Springfield”, a call-in show and more! Only at https://www.patreon.com/yourkickstartersucks!

This week’s episode sponsored by these fine brands: 

Rocket Money - Rocket Money!!! I’m strapped to the outside of the thing and I’m shooting off to Planet Savings!! Sorry for saying that I’m “shooting off”, but that’s how much saving money means to me. Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com/YKS. 

Factor - I eat breakfast, lunch and dinner…I’m eating it in summer, spring, winter! That’s something I’ve been chanting around the house lately, and I have recently been calling it the “Factor Meals Chant”. I take my shirt off and scream it all night! Haha. Head to FactorMeals.com/yks50 and use code yks50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next box

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I like driving my car but I don’t like getting run into by other cars. That’s why I came up with the “please don’t run into me” sign, which you can put in the car or take it with you on the plane or wear around your neck. It’s basically good wherever you don’t want to get hit by stuff. As far as I can tell, no one has come up with this idea before, which probably means I’m good to go. La la la la…ho ho ho…tee hee hee. ← What da HELL!?

On today’s show we got that thing I am kind of talking about up there, plus a thing that makes eating ice cream even easier (can you believe it?), a healthier (?) way to make cold brew, and honestly the grossest, most insane way I’ve ever seen of brushing your teeth. I mean it does everything wrong. I truly don’t get it. Maybe someone will explain it to me. Oh please…someone help me!! I need help!!

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. 

YKS Premium - Now THIS is the stuff right here. More JF, more DB, more DAN?! Are you kidding me? If that’s a single penny short of $1,000,000 a month it will have been a steal and a deal. Don’t tell me what it costs! I don’t want to know! I just want to take my $1,000,000 and go away somewhere!

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Listen up, gang. It’s time to describe the episode. This is basically a way of telling you, the listener, what you might be in for when you download or stream this particular episode of the show. First things first: it starts out with the intro song by the one and only Howell Dawdy. From there [...] Anyway, then we end the show. Another instant classic! Hopefully you enjoyed this description and the podcast itself. Because if not, we’ll probably start freaking out and [...] it’ll be all your fault! Ha ha ha. Happy Easter, gang!

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. 

YKS Premium - Farrarch has ended and Gaperil begins! Nah nah nah. No theme months for a little bit. So we’re talking classic YKS Premium - What The Funds, Missed the Cuts, YKScapades and more…all in video and all without the guilt of not watching the garbage movie we’re talking about for 2 hours! Only at patreon.com/yourkickstartersucks! We are doing Gapetember though. 

This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:

Factor - What’s better than one discount? Two discounts! And when the discount is on food you can eat? Forget about it! Well, don’t forget about it…instead, check out Factor, and remember it! Get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next box at FactorMeals.com/yks50!

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I guess if you think about it, a shrimp kind of looks like a “pew pew”? Isn’t that weird how nowadays we have to have these weird euphemisms for stuff we all talk about all the time cause it’s in the world and that’s the way it is? And we intentionally sound dumber and less comprehensible, trying to outsmart a computer? It’s just odd, I think. And the crazy thing, it’s not even because of woke! It’s because of ads and computer. A combination that we will love for many years to come. On this episode of YKS, it could honestly be anything. It could be about, a, fuckin, water-skiing squirrel. Can you imagine? That would be ridiculous.

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. 

Farrarch continues! Only on YKS Premium! Skate on over and sign up today to hear the big Farrarch finale, with the one and only Asshole McGee! Oh my god I just found out he died. We got Stefan. 

This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands

Rocket Money - Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com/yks

NordVPN - 🌏 Get Exclusive NordVPN deal here → https://nordvpn.com/YKS It’s risk-free with Nord’s 30-day money-back guarantee! Link is in the episode description ✌️

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I have cupcake tummy so I’m gonna make this quick. I want you to listen to the show, alright? And I want you to send an email to [email protected] that says how many times you wipe your butt. And that’s it! Don’t send anything else in there. Just the butt-wipe thing. I have to throw up a cupcake.

On this episode of the show we’ve got one of those things where the guys are trying to sell you the idea that they’re experts in something, but they’ve failed at doing the thing weirdly! Plus we’ve got some flags for rich guys, a little robot it would be fun to hate, and some fucking BLAST PIPES! Check it out! 

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. 

YKS Premium is GOATED when wanting to listen to more Mike and JF is the vibe! Y’all crazy MFs are getting 5 episodes of Farrarch this month! And if that ain’t enough, there’s other stuff too! Check it out today at patreon.com/yourkickstartersucks

This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:

Factor - Meals to eat, meals to eat, yes they really are my treat! With Factor, every meal is a treat. And best of all, they come to your house, where you live, so you can eat them more easily! Thanks, Factor! Use code YKS50 to get 50% off. Aww, cmon, please?!

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Who won? Who was snubbed? Who got up to go to the bathroom and missed their big debut? I’m not sure, I didn’t watch it. But someone should write an explainer of it and tell me! Meanwhile, I’ll be rewatching the only Oscars preview that matters and thinking, “Yep, we really got it right.” Another thing we got really right? Today’s episode! Featuring some bad ideas to put in your mouth, ears, and on your head, we really run the gamut of poorly-conceived cranial accessories. Plus: what’s the perfect amount of chips to eat in a day? The answer may surprise you! And if not please see a doctor. New YKS!

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. 

YKS Premium! Ding ding ding! Come and get it! It’s Farrarch all month long and we’ve had some great guests. And some bad movies. But those probably balance out (?) Our friends DeadBlossomJesse and Charlie McDonnell have been thus far kind enough to make an appearance. But there are more friends to come. Friends, movies, and more. That’s what makes YKS Premium “God’s gift to content”. Check it out

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Don’t be a you-know-what! It’s time to plug them old headphones in or slap em on or listen on speaker while on public transit like a lunatic! On today’s show we have another card game that no one should play for any reason, including on pain of death, or if they’re really bored, a piece of ostensible safety technology that is useless when you think it does one thing, then when you find out it doesn’t even do that, it’s completely incredible, and one that’s actually nice. I won’t say what the nice one is, because basically I’m using a marketing technique to get you to listen to the episode. Studies show this is most effective when you were already going to listen to it anyway, and it’s already on your phone, and you were wasting time reading the rambling episode descriptions for some reason. I read about them. On my sabbatical. 

Join us in creating a healthier and more equitable future and help us get our show to all! It’s a new YKS!

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. 

Love it or hate it, Farrarch is back! YKS Premium presents a staggering 5 Fridays, even though it seems like it should only be 4, of sequel-loving madness with some wonderful guest stars. Only at patreon.com/yourkickstartersucks!

Factor - I’m about to have a meal my own self, so this may come off as a bit biased…but I love to eat! And with Factor, eating has never been easier. Except for millions of years ago where we all ate algae and stuff like that, I guess. Plus, Factor tastes better than algae! It’s not cheaper. But still, we got a good deal for you. And again, it’s like good food. Not just slime or other cells. Check out FactorMeals.com/yks50 for 50% off your order of good and normal food! 

ScentAir - They say that smell is the doorway to the soul. And really, why wouldn’t it be? You smell some stuff and it goes right up into your brain. And your soul’s probably up there, too. And there’s nothing the soul likes more than good scents. Luckily, ScentAir knows all about them. And now, so do you. Go to ScentAir.com/yks to learn how you can save 25% off your first Whisper MAX diffuser and explore other great deals.

RocketMoney - Subscriptions are getting so crazy. TV, Internet, uhhh other forms of entertainment which btw are fine to subscribe to…it’s all too much! Wake me up when I can subscribe to Timothee Chalamet! You know what I’m talking about. Until then, I’m trusting Rocket Money to help me control my monthly budget. I’m coming, Timothee! Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com/yks.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Welcome to Hooterville! That was almost the title of the episode but we already had one with “ass” in it this month and it felt like it would be a little much. Well anyway that’s a little behind the scenes action from your old friends Mike and JF. And as for the Kickstarters this week, well, they’re sure to not disappoint. Sorry this started to sound like ChatGPT a little bit, I’m watching TV and I’m kind of distracted by the bright lights and sounds and stuff like that. On today’s show we’re talking about a pen with a really really really bad name to have, a housing app with another horrible, shitty name, and some kind of fragrance thing with – you guessed it – a name from fucking hell. Didn’t occur to us during the episode that these things are so poorly named, but now having read the entire episode description, you get the benefit of hindsight. And the benefit of hearing the episode! Which you are doing, or will be doing, right now or soon. 

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. 

YKS Premium - Farrarch II: All Things Being Sequel. Only at patreon.com/yourkickstartersucks

This week’s episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands: 

NordVPN - 🌏 Get Exclusive NordVPN deal here → https://nordvpn.com/YKS It’s risk-free with Nord’s 30-day money-back guarantee! Link is in the episode description ✌️

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.