Legacy. Such a heavy word to hold in your hand. But what does it actually mean? At its core, legacy is creating something that exists independently of you. And to do that, there comes a moment where – as a leader – you have to “trust.”

Leaders are notorious firestarters. They light the spark and then tirelessly tend to the coals. But the tricky part comes next. And a legacy-builder knows when to train and trust another to care for your precious coals. You shift into being the leader beside the leader, breaking free to go and blaze a new fire somewhere else.

Welcome to an extra special episode to celebrate an extraordinary milestone. This week, sundaebean.com turns TEN, and to help us celebrate this monumental anniversary, I’ve brought in a familiar friend: Naomi Hattaway.

An expert in proactive legacy design, Naomi has shared her remarkable personal and professional wisdom with us on IN TRANSIT three times. Today, Naomi will interview me, teasing out reflections about my decade gone by and helping me etch a glimpse into what comes next.

Floating high from gratitude, I can’t let this go unsaid or get buried in the content. THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart to my clients, coaches, collaborators, and listeners.

You built who I am today because you gave me permission to work with you and allowed me inside your lives to share my messages. I acutely appreciate that this is an occasion that very few businesses get to commemorate, and it’s an achievement that I dedicate – in its entirety – to YOU.

What You’ll Learn in this Episode:

• The grief of letting go
• Aim to cause a ripple effect vs. a viral spike
• Starting in the middle of your transformation
• When your heart delivers before you even ask
• The isolation of entrepreneurship
• The “Worthy Work” notebook

Listen to the Full Episode:

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Get the nourishment you need from me 24/7/365 through Adapt & Succeed. My all-in-one program is ready to serve you a full buffet of transformation fuel and comfort food, and I’m sitting at the bar, waiting for you.

• Sundae’s Website
• Sundae’s Facebook Business Page – Sundae Schneider-Bean LLC
• Sundae Bean – YouTube
• Adapt and Succeed
• IN TRANSIT Hub
• Global Coach Coalition
• Year of Transformation
• IN TRANSIT Hub Community
• IN TRANSIT YouTube Channel
• Naomi Hattaway

Catch These Podcasts / Articles:

• Legacy by Design with Naomi Hattaway

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Full Episode Transcript:

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Hello, it is 10 a.m. in New York, 5 p.m. in Johannesburg, and 10 p.m. in Bangkok. Welcome to IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean. I’m an intercultural strategist, transformation facilitator, and solution-oriented coach. And I am on a mission to help you adapt and succeed through ANY life transition. 

 

Now, today is a huge day because I am inviting you to celebrate with me 10 years in business. I started my company back in June 2013, and I had no idea what was ahead. In today’s episode, I wanted to take a moment to do two things that are important to me. The first is to celebrate and the second is to reflect on where I am in the process of my own ambitious transformation, and that of my company and share the learnings with you. 

 

So, I’m so excited. And to celebrate today and to make this episode extra special, I have invited Naomi Hattaway. You might recognize her from episode 297 Legacy by Design. Naomi Hattaway has recently launched Leaving Well Consulting a practice for individuals and organizations and board of directors who are in periods of transition, right? Sound familiar? She helps organizations be purposeful about the way they transfer knowledge and transition. She also creates stability for the stayers and help support those that are leaving. This woman has been a friend and contact about transitions and transformation for years. So I’m so happy to be joined by her today. 

 

Now, let me tell you, I asked her to join me, I knew what my objectives were. I wanted to celebrate and wanted to share some updates that I haven’t really shared publicly and what happened is right before we hopped on the call. I just had this huge wave of emotion come up and it was just waiting to come out right when we started. And I think what that means is that there is one, a lot to process after 10 years. But also, when you’re making a shift, you’re making a transition, there’s a lot of emotions that are maybe not processed things that you’re letting go of and things that you were looking forward toward. 

 

So here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to bring you in on that conversation. It is raw, it is emotional, it is joyful. And there were some “stop the record” moments of realization for me. This episode is dedicated deep deep down from my heart, to my clients to my coaches, to my listeners who have been with me at any point during this journey of the last 10 years. I want to say THANK YOU. Because YOU have built who I am today through your permission to work with you. Through your permission to allow me to come into your life and share my messages, and listen back on what you’re learning from it. So, thank you very much, and take a look at what happened next. 

 

All right, so I had this really great idea that I was gonna bring on Naomi Hattaway to celebrate my 10th business birthday, and that is all exciting. But I am already feeling emotional, I seriously have tears in my eyes and I do not understand what’s going on. So this is exactly why Naomi is here. 

 

Because what we’re going to do is give you a glimpse of how my life has been in transition, how my business has been transition. And I want you to see really how this is amazing and wonderful and I’m so grateful, and how it’s hard. And so, you’re getting a sneak peek at it like live as I get a sneak peek of it because we got on the call and all of a sudden, I was just like, I don’t know why I’m feeling about you. 

 

So welcome, Naomi! I’ll let you do your thing and you just lead me through this. 

 

Naomi: Yeah, well first of all, celebrating is so exciting. I’m so proud of you. As you celebrate 10 years in business, you have gone through around over under all the things. So, I first just want to celebrate with you about 10 years, it’s so incredible. 

 

So, it’s interesting that you were talking about how you had this emotional response, and then you’re like, “Wait, what’s happening?” And we had already talked about this a little bit before, as we were prepping, but this card I pulled right before we got on. And it says, “Be real about where you’re at.” And I think that is so important in the process of leaving well, and inside of transitions. I know that when I’ve moved, I get the spreadsheets out and I get all ready because I can do this, I’ve done this. before. I know how to organize, I know how to structure. And then if I’m not real about where I’m at I don’t process the emotion. So I want to first commend you for also being willing to sit with the emotions. 

 

Okay, so transition is hard and I think one of the things that when I work with folks on leaving well is that we don’t name the emotion. So I’d be curious if you’re willing to dive in to just think through and I’ve got this handy little chart that we can share with folks listening about emotions, and I’ll just hold it up. I don’t know. Is that backwards? I could barely. Okay, that’s good enough right now. 

So, the concept is that a lot of times we go into the middle, Joy, fear, sad, but there’s so many emotions underneath. So, when you think about your transition that you’re going through personally and transitions with business, what two or three come up?

 

Sundae: Oh, that’s a great question. So there is a sense of satisfaction that feels to be very grounded in the center of it. There’s satisfaction in what I’ve been able to do in the last 10 years now and there’s satisfaction in the shift that I’m making right now. So it’s not joy it’s some other – but it’s like this grounded word. It feels solid. 

 

There is another feeling that is there and then on the positive side is gratitude. I’m so grateful for the journey that I have behind me and the one I have ahead. And those are some of the neutral to positive emotions that are there. I think some of the negative emotions or the wobblier ones. 

 

I am really struggling with letting go of a life that I lived for a decade and that is at the same time I’m satisfied with what I’ve done, and I’m actively choosing to do what I’m doing now, and I actively am happy to go toward it. And it still means there’s a grief around letting go. Like an old identity, an old purpose. And, it doesn’t mean that letting go sounds like releasing and never having any of the strings at your fingertips again. And I don’t think that’s quite that clear cut. I think it’s more of like, letting go of a portion of that. But what do they say? There’s an expression about, if you open up your hands then they are free to catch something new.

 

So I am not very good at not knowing. Someone who’s solution-oriented, someone who is a strategist. I like to have control over my environment, a very active agent. That’s everything that I teach. And I also know that some of the best things in my whole life that have happened are things I didn’t expect, and things that I didn’t plan. So surrender would be the other thing that’s happening right now. Not my favorite word.

 

Is that an emotion? I think it’s a state of being. 

 

Naomi: I mean, yes. And some of the things that I was writing down as you were talking about was first, around satisfaction, I think it goes so hand in hand with being seen. And so that part of it goes back to the celebration and being able to celebrate with your community, with the folks that have been along this ride with you. They’ve seen your work, you’ve seen their work, and you’ve been all together in this, and I think there’s some tenderness – and some fragility that then comes then like, “Well, what if that goes away?” 

 

Sundae: Yes. Yes. And you know this about me there’s like this thing I have about abandonment. If I change, if I shift because I care so much about my community and my people, I worry about abandoning the people that I care about. And I was even stressed when I changed the name of my podcast from Expat Happy Hour to IN TRANSIT. I was worried, right? That people would not come along with me on the journey and feel like I left them. And obviously, there’s probably some deeper stuff going on there. 

 

Naomi: Maybe. *laughter.*

 

Sundae: *laughter* But then how do you shift and change? When you are connected with people that you care about and that you feel in alignment with and still shift and change? And I think this is a universal topic, not a lot of people can identify with, in so many transitions. 

 

Naomi: It is and I think another piece of it too that you kind of touched on is that it’s different when you’re the one deciding. When you’re the one that is in control of, even if it feels like you’re not in control, but if you’re the one that says, “Yes, we’re doing this,” or, “Yes. I’m moving” Or, “Yes. I’m transitioning with work or projects.” It has a whole different ownership and responsibility and accountability than when someone else made the decision for you. And so I think regardless of what kind of transition, it is being able to settle in with that responsibility is really powerful. I think that when you talk about letting go, also looking back, I’d be curious if this is something you can answer and maybe it’s just a reflection question but what do you know to be true about the culture and the container that you have put into place over the last 10 years that has nothing to do with whether your thread is still connected in the same way? How can I hear that question? Is it like my contribution?

 

Naomi: It could be your contribution. It’s about what can you look back on and know that’s still true even if you are not still in it in the same way.

 

Sundae: That question actually brings me joy because I think about the individual women that I’ve been able to work with and the impact that it has had on their lives, like a domino effect. I’ve had partners email me or WhatsApp me afterwards, and say, “I just want to say thank you for the work that you did with my partner,” right? 

 

Naomi: That’s amazing. 

 

Sundae: So that is pretty awesome. I’ve had that conversation with my boys actually, we always joke about the amount of views or downloads I get on YouTube compared to like, when the cat gets scared by a cucumber, right? And they’re like, “So Mom, you know, you’re happy when you get a couple thousand people listen to a podcast. Meanwhile, there’s a cat scared by a cucumber, that’s viral, and it’s got millions,” you know? And I said to my boys, I’m like, “No, I’m not making a viral impact in people’s lives.” But honestly, when I breathe my last breath, I know that there have been people because of our collaboration, because of them saying “yes” to themselves and then saying “yes” to our us collaboration that their life is significantly different and that is something that is so meaningful. So meaningful. And I think when I say that I feel my throat closing a little bit because I think it ties in a little bit to the shift that I’m in right now, where the work that I’m doing more is not that like deep intimate transformative personal I’ll shift, it’s in other ways. So I think there’s a little bit of a grief there of not getting to be able to be doing that deep deep work. It’s not that the work I’m doing isn’t equally important, it’s just in different ways. So that’s one thing. 

 

So I feel really, really joyful about that there are women who are making their own money because of the work that we did together. I love that people have now become coaches because of the work that we’ve done together. I love that people are creating better boundaries in their life or that people are just being better humans to their partners. So I guess I can celebrate that. I think that’s pretty awesome. 

 

Naomi: Well and thinking about the cat and the cucumber and the viralness of it, viral is a spike, it’s a one time thing. Your impact has been a ripple effect. And we know like if you skip a rock and water, it ripples out and that change, you may know from partners calling you afterwards and saying, “Thank you so much for that work that you did with my person,” you may know some of that, but there’s also this beautiful legacy that you’ll never know of what happened in that person’s life because of that moment that they had with you and your work and how did that then ripple out for all of their 100 years of legacy. 

 

Sundae: I have a story that I hold onto really closely. I had someone that worked with for a Year of Transformation and just checked in to say, “Hey, how you doing? It’s been a while.” And she said, “Actually, I’ve been battling cancer.” And she said, I’m so grateful that I did Year of Transformation with you before, because of the tools that I built, I’m able to go through this differently. 

 

Naomi: Yeah. 

 

Sundae: Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? That meant everything to me so that ripple of not being there, but being there in their hardest times not super meaningful. 

 

Naomi: So, I have a question for you about trust because some of the examples you shared, they were impactful because someone trusted you and the work that you had built and your 10 years of your impact and all those things. So they said, “yes” to you. How are you feeling about trusting your “yes?” Your own “yes” to you. 

 

Sundae: If I’m really transparent my own development journey has been a shift from seeking outside validation to trust. If I get the best grade in the class, I trust I know enough. If I win the award, I trust this is good, right? So I’m very conscious of the fact that I was in a default pattern of doing that not consciously, right? And then along the way, I became aware of that. So, conscious and now I am still very much in that, I would even call it a battle of trusting, “This is good enough.” And I actually think I like I started building that over the years with my business because I would put something out in the world like a blog or a podcast and you don’t know how it lands and maybe you don’t even get very many downloads or likes or whatever and so you have to just own it in your body. “Is that good enough quality?” Not whether people like it or not, “Was it good enough?” 

 

And so I had to teach myself that I need to decide what is “good enough” for me, right? And not always seek that outside validation. And that’s an ongoing journey for sure. 

 

Naomi: Yeah. The, “What’s good enough?” And I also think there’s a component for all of us around, “What’s enough?” And the reason I ask you that question about trusting your own “yes” for yourself, is that I feel like especially when we build things that mean a lot for us that then also have a ripple effect. I feel like knowing you and knowing the work that you’ve done it was so beneficial for you and your close circle of work and impact. And then you realized, “Oh my gosh This is actually exponentially huge for so many other people.” 

 

It can shift the way that we look at it to then what’s next “yes.” 

 

And so you being in this transition personally with your family and about who’s earning how much money? Who’s taking a rest? Who’s going to lean into different work patterns and habits and realities? That, in addition to your business and saying “yes” to what’s next. And especially when you talk about being a planner and structured and all of the things.

 

Sundae: So let me just share a little bit behind the scenes on the “yes” to “what’s next?” Because not everybody knows about this. Some of it is also quite new. And about being able to plan. Really interesting is on my ninth business anniversary, I was in South Africa, my life looked completely different. I was in South Africa, I was having a glass of wine and I was talking to my husband about how proud I was of what I was able to build in the nine years of my company. I did the thing I never knew I could, and then I was able to do it. In terms of my community groups, revenue, that sort of thing. 

 

And I talked about what I was so grateful for and things that I was forced to learn that I never would have learned, about podcasting and social media and all those things. And then I also reflected on what it was missing. And I think it was also driven by COVID. I had been working virtually for nine years. Of course, I had client things in person from time to time but on some levels, very isolated in West Africa, in South Africa, and I literally worked in my garage. So how much more Isolated can you get it? It was actually a really fancy thing, but sounds better when I complain about it like that. 

 

And I talked about how I missed being in a team. I missed actually not having control over everything. I missed not having to set the topic tone all the time. I wanted someone else to throw content at me, I wasn’t ready for. Or help me understand topics that I hadn’t thought about exploring myself. And so I was talking about the things I missed. And my husband pulls his phone out of his pocket and he goes, “Hey, I saw this today and I thought of you.” And I read the description and it was for a global role in a company in Switzerland. And I read it and I just laughed out loud because it was exactly the thing that I said I missed and what I was wanting to build, actually, for my clients, as I move forward. 

 

And it was the weirdest thing because a year before that, my eighth anniversary, I was like, “I will never ever work again in an organization.” I was like, “Nope, never gonna do that.” And so one thing led to the next. The way I looked at it, from an entrepreneurial perspective is I got a client contract and does it matter whether it goes on my business tax or my personal tax. I said “yes” to a project, let’s say to a role where I was able to do exactly – actually it turned out to be more than what I wanted. And it was that environment that I wanted to be in and I felt so grateful. So I said “yes” to that. 

 

But what I didn’t know was coming was I didn’t know that there would be more offered to me where I would be doing more with organizational transformation. Where I would be asked to step up as a leader. Where I would take on interim roles. Having to live the leadership principles that I’ve been working with people for years, right? And what I didn’t know is that my partner at the same time would be in a process of reflection transformation and which would also shift how we show up and what we do. So these are things I didn’t see coming and I just feel so grateful because before my heart even had a chance to ask for it, it delivered. 

 

Naomi: Yeah. So that is so beautiful. And it also shows the really beautiful, almost the flip, Sundae, of all of the people you’ve worked for their transformation. That same community was working on your transformation without you even knowing it. 

 

Sundae: Mmm. That is so interesting. Like, they were getting me ready for what was next? Wow, I’ve never thought of it like that before. 

 

Yeah, and that also says why I’m just so grateful. And why gratitude is there and why you can see there’s that connection to my community because this is the thing. I’ve always tried to explain to my husband. I’ve said, “What I do is not a job. It’s not like I clock in at 8:00 and leave it at 17:00. It’s an expression of who I am. It’s not me showing up and doing my life’s work.” 

 

And you can challenge that and say that your work is too much part of your identity and there are legitimate challenges. And I also think, if I get the choice to show up in the world, in a way that is an expression of who I am and it does offer the best I’ve got or actually it makes me work through the things that aren’t the best that I’ve got, then how amazing is that? 

 

Naomi: Yeah. It’s really amazing. The other thing I wanted to kind of uphold for you as well, and folks that have been in your orbit for a while already know this. People that might be orbiting across this, don’t know this about you, you’ve done such a beautiful job. So I just want to honor this. You’ve done such a beautiful job of putting what you’ve had to offer and on offer in a bite-sized way, in ways that will live on forever. So that impact, this last ten years of your legacy is still there. It’s not going away. And so I think part of that like closed fistness, you’ve already worked through, it just has to process all the way through your body, of saying, “Okay, I’ve opened my hand. I’ve said, yes, to these things, I’m trusting what’s next for me is best for me and this other piece still sits next to me, where folks can access folks, can still have access to that transformational work that you’ve put together and delivered.” And that’s a big thing. 

 

I don’t know if you and I have talked about this before. I have a worthy work notebook and I actually keep it right here. It literally is just a notebook. But in it goes all the little nuggets and morsels of things that I’ve done in my life that I deem worthy. And what’s fascinating about that, it’s never the big things. It’s the stages that I speak on or the things that people would view as a job or as big, don’t end up in this. The things that end up in this is I remembered to *insert any number of things.* But maybe an introduction of I introduce this person to this person. Or I learned a lesson when someone called me out and gave me some feedback. So I just think about that for you a lot around – I mean, 10 years would be hard to fit into a worthy work notebook, but that may help as you continue writing the wave of this current transition and celebrating 10 years of noting and holding on to it for maybe five seconds longer as they flip through your mind, the really beautiful, worthy work that you’ve done. 

 

Sundae: It makes me think about what you were just talking about creating something and this idea of legacy. I spent this summer when I moved back to Switzerland. Imagine we just gave up nine years of living on the continent of Africa. I had transitioned my kids into a new language environment school, my partner was still abroad. And it was summer, gorgeous out and I locked myself up in this apartment, which of course has no air conditioning, and sweat and sweat and sweat. And I recorded behind lights, I recorded an upgraded version of my Adapt and Succeed program because I wanted something, because it was time. And been like five years and the branding had changed, and some of the things had to change. 

 

But I wanted to create something that could be independent of me and I wanted to give my Global Coaches the best possible quality product to move on. So for me, it was probably even a bad business decision or health, or family decision. But I knew in terms of enlightenment my Integrity, I was like, “I need to create this and put these tools in a way that people can digest.” And I’ve gotten at least another five years on this, right? And that’s how I sweated my way through July, half of July and August. And we were renovating, we’re moving into a house. I was starting this role. It was crazy but I knew it was the right thing to do. So that is one thing I think in terms of, it speaks a lot.

 

And then this is maybe a good time to talk about the way I see things shifting in the next, I’m not going to say 10 years, it would be tidy to say 10 years. But let’s say in the next few years. What I want to do with my company, I want to step back physically and put myself forward in, let’s say, these tidier products. And then let my coaches do the work that they’re made to do and I’m going to say why. 

 

My work has been a labor of love and deeply connected to my life experience for the last 10 years. Understanding being in a bi-national marriage, having a bi-national family, trying to find acceptance in Switzerland. Leaving everything I built to go to West Africa, going through dramatic changes through political stuff, doing it again in South Africa. All of that was driven from a very personal experience and I poured that into what I was doing. And then at one point, I realized that is what I had in me for that. I’ve now brought into the world. And there’s something else brewing. 

 

That’s a little bit where Wisdom Fusion was coming in. There’s something new that’s coming and it’s building, but I need to also disengage a little, to be able to build this next thing. And my coaches are perfect to step into that space because they’re on fire for this. There in that deep creating space like I was three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, years ago. They’re pouring their lives into third-culture kids, to bi-lingual relationships, etc, etc. And all kinds of transitions around midlife, and menopause, and divorce. And they’ve got that fire in their belly for it. And they are actually the better ones to be there. And so, I feel like the role that I came to serve has been filled and now it’s someone else’s job to feel that. And they’re better because they’re meeting people where they’re at. I’m doing other things and I’m giving what I’ve got now for other projects, and that’s building. So I think that is a little bit of that acceptance. That sort of cycle has come to completion and an accepting that and then honoring that. And yeah. 

 

Naomi: So you asked about finding different language for all that for all of that and so I want to just read what I wrote down and you don’t have to react now. But:

 

• The leader beside came up a lot while you were talking because I don’t think that it’s as much that you’re going to the background, as much as you’re just stepping next. And not even stepping beside but I think leader beside is a really powerful thought. I also think that you’ve done such an incredible job and you’re excited about elevating the impact of others. And I think that’s also beautiful because personally, it doesn’t minimize your work by elevating the work of your coaching constellation. 

 

• I also think that you’re a catalyzer. And so that came to mind also that you’ve catalyzed this work. 

 

• And even metabolic comes in a little bit around you have to have a foundation for the explosion to happen. You have to have the right things together, and you’ve done that, you’ve alkalized that in the last 10 years, and now it’s time to have the exponential impact that’s going to happen because you’ve brought in those other leaders. 

 

• The other thing that came to mind for you, Sundae, is that, and I’m getting goosebumps because this is myself as well and I see it so strongly in you, you’re a fire starter. And we’re not meant to do all of the things. We’re not meant to fire start and tend the coals. And so what you’re doing is handing over the tools to your team, the constellation coaches to tend the coals. And neither is more important of a job. I think that’s the other thing that may have some of the angst for you is that your job has been so important in the last 10 years of building this, and it’s equally as important that they keep it going and that they bring all of what they have that you don’t have to it. 

 

So there’s something in the alchemy and the metabolizing and all of that that might be some interesting words to think about, as you process and talk about the shift. 

 

Sundae: I love that. There’s so much permission there. And what I realized I wrote down while you were talking, I wrote down the word “consistency.” So tending the coals is “consistency.” And I think that’s where I came in conflict because it’s one of my principles. I teach about consistency is show up, show up, show up. 

 

So if consistency is a high-value and delivers results then there is a tension of knowing when to stop tending the coals and let someone else take over the coals so you can start another fire. 

 

Naomi: Yes. 

 

Sundae: And now I’m going to go back to the word that I said out loud, which I’ve never said before, and that was “cycle.” 

 

I think, I finally and I’m talking about, like right now in this conversation. I was seeing it like, start-stop-shift. And now, I’m seeing it more like an “operating cycle.” I built the foundation and I helped develop people’s capacity and then now it’s time to sort of unleash this into another realm. 

 

Naomi: Yeah. What was really interesting about what you just did is your hands and I don’t know if I’ll be able to audibly share this but your hands went in a almost like a spring motion of a cycle instead of a circle cycle. Which I think a lot of us would think of a cycle coming back to then maybe the cycle starting again. And your hands automate. Your body was like it’s a perpetual cycle that goes out from you. And so that’s powerful.

 

Sundae: And that’s something that I teach. It’s about how we talked about the Stress-Growth-Adaptation Dynamic, that when you feel stress, that’s a good sign because you’re growing. Then you adapt. And then you grow again. And so I think that’s also part of that. That’s something you and I have talked about. I am really often uncomfortable right now. The level of responsibility that I have and the newness of the roles. I mean, I’m really uncomfortable. And I went from mentor coaching, not just coaching but then mentor coaching, and doing the thing I’ve been doing for years and years to a completely new context, right? And we know conscious incompetence and then conscious competence still takes effort.

 

And so that’s something I want to also share with people when they’re doing something new and they’re in transition, and it feels hard, it doesn’t mean it’s bad. It means that you’re growing and you’re learning. And my thing right now, my mantra right now is like, “All of this is going to feel different in one year.” *laughter*

 

Naomi: *laughter* Yes. Yes.

 

Sundae: This is all going to be different in one year.

 

Naomi: Yes, the thing that comes up for me, especially when you think about that your past work with expats and folks on the move and knowing, both of our experiences. It’s almost like, we have to pull back in the things that we know to be true as simple as how have we helped our children adapt in a new school? What do we tell them to do if they get lost? What do we tell them to do if they feel uncomfortable or alone? It’s the same exact things. And what works for today is not probably what’s going to work tomorrow. So being able to have that flow and that flex of what do I need for right now? And then also comes back to be real where you’re at. 

 

I also I’m trying to find on my phone really quickly, this quote, that I think, is so powerful, and so beautiful. 

 

“Let everything happen to you. Beauty and terror, just keep going. No feeling is final.” And it’s by Rainer Maria Rilke. 

 

And I think that “no feeling is final” is so powerful, especially when we’re able to slow down long enough to sit with ourselves, and be like, “What am I feeling?” Because I think so often for me, I’ve programmed myself to what I feel as a comfortable feeling and so then I just say, “Well, I’m just feeling uncomfortable right now.” It’s not actually for me, uncomfortable, maybe it’s that I’m feeling self-conscious, or maybe that I’m feeling disgusted about not having made a decision fast enough or the right decision. 

 

So I think remembering that no feeling is final remembering that we still decide. We still get to decide, how are we showing up in this moment. How are you showing up for others? How are we showing up to celebrate? How are we showing up to memorialize what’s been in the past? 

 

The last thing I want to say, Sundae, is you said this and it’s so so powerful. You said, “You’ve been creating something that exists independently of yourself.” If I’ve never heard a better definition of legacy. 

 

It’s not that it’s just that someone remember that of you, it’s literally going to perpetuate and continue to exist outside of you and that’s I mean talk about Legacy by Design inside of transition. 

 

Sundae: Yeah, that’s true. That’s true. It’s pretty awesome. And I’m also grateful for having this image of a steel ball and then magnets come to it. I feel like I’m bringing those 10 years with me and I’m the steel ball, feeling a little bit naked, a little bit bare and I’m having these magnets come to me like new learning. I have so many examples of great leadership that I get to be around every day. I have so many examples of courageous conversations I get to be witness to. I have to have courageous conversations every day. The magnets that are coming to the steel ball right now that are going to stick with me, I feel so grateful for that. 

 

And I think, for me, if I pull it back to what we talked about with making the impact on people, I have to trust that those will sort of expand the way in which I can make an impact in people’s lives. In ways that I couldn’t predict, what would happen to my life one year ago. I don’t know what will happen in 10 years, right? And I’m just trusting, I’m learning exactly what I need to learn right now. I don’t know why but this is what I’m doing. I’m growing in exactly the ways I need to grow right now. 

 

And this is the trust that I ask my clients to have in their own process. And I have to live it and I’m like, “Dang it.” *laughter*

 

“Fine, I’ll walk the talk.” It’s so frustrating but it’s also like, “Yeah. Actually, this is what it’s about.” 

 

Naomi: Yeah. Well and that comes back to the modeling and doing not only what you said you would do but doing what you’ve asked others to do. 

 

The image also comes when you were talking about the steel ball of do you know the bean sculpture in Chicago? It’s a mirrored huge thing that looks kind of like a lima bean. And when it was installed in this beautiful park, everyone is like, “What is that? That doesn’t make any sense. I don’t understand that, that doesn’t have any resonance to me.” There was all of this drama about, “What is the bean?” 

 

What’s beautiful is that it sits there 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year and people come to it and they can see their reflection in it because it’s mirrored. And so there’s all these beautiful – you can walk underneath it, you can walk around it, people take photos of it. 

 

And my point in saying all of this is that you’ve laid this bean. Oh, how appropriate? 

 

Sundae: *laughter*

 

Naomi: That was funny. You’ve laid this bean as a foundation to say come experience what you need from the past 10 years of my work. Come, it will look different for everybody. It might not resonate right away but it’s still going to be there when you need to come back to it. And it allows people to have a different experience with it. 

 

And I think that’s what I am so I just am so impressed by you and the work that you’ve done because it has been so diverse in what it can do for people. So, I’m just celebrating with you. You are incredible and such a big decision to be able to say “yes” to yourself and to your family and to your own transformation over the next however many years. 

 

Sundae: Who knows? 

 

Naomi: Who knows? 

 

Sundae: Well, I want to say “thank you” for being part of my journey. I don’t know when we actually met. We met in 2018, I know, but we met before maybe 2016-17. 

 

Naomi: Probably, yeah. 

 

Sundae:  You’ve been there through a lot of those transitions and you’ve also been an important touch point for me because who do transition specialists go to when they need support in transition, right? It’s like a therapist who needs therapists. 

 

Naomi:  Right? And it comes from all of this. All of our relationships, not all of our relationship, but it comes from that foundation of having lived through something. And so for you to be now, up-leveling. I don’t know if that’s the right word, but to level into this next thing, you now are going to have even more of your own experience to be able to bring back to your community and your life. 

 

Sundae: And I think where I have to trust that is it’s exactly what happened in 2012 when I was in my dream job. I was ahead of intercultural management and I had a job I never thought I would be lucky enough to have amazing people around me doing exactly what I wanted. And I left it because I felt like if I stayed – it was for other reasons to go abroad as well, but for the whole family, but also for me professionally because I knew if I stayed, I would just be tending the coals in my life and not starting a fire for me professionally. And I’m so grateful I did it. And no one thought it made sense because I was giving up something really secure. Something that I had built and worked hard for. And I’m so grateful I did that. And it feels a little bit like another pivot point where I’m doing that. 

 

Sundae: All right. Well, thank you so much Naomi for joining me in this reverse interview for my 10th anniversary. I couldn’t think of a better way to celebrate. 

 

Naomi: Thank you for asking me.

 

So there you have it. That was such a powerful conversation for me. I hope that you’re taking away something from it as well. For me, I’m walking into that feeling of surrender, that feeling of satisfaction and the joy about what’s next. I can’t wait for you to be part of that journey. I’m so excited to connect you with my coaches and with my program so that you can get the same sort of results that have been possible through the collaboration over the last 10 years. I’m pouring all of my wisdom from my clients, from my experience, from my professional competencies into everything that I do and I want you to be able to share that together with me. 

 

All right, so what is next? What does that mean for working with me? What does that mean for working with the Coalition? Was that mean for the podcast? The answer is, stay tuned, because those answers are now in development. We are in transformation, what I can say is that I am available by request. My time is much more limited right now. So I’m selective about who I work with live. I’ve had the gorgeous pleasure of co-designing a workshop for a women’s network where we featured the learning outcomes from my Wisdom Fusion program. I have the huge honor of working with an executive team and helping them through their largest challenges and more. What I do have it. In mind are, get this, I would love to do a retreat sometime in the coming year, so stay tuned on my newsletter for more. 

 

If you want to work with me in a very hands-on, connected way, in person, let’s say, I don’t know, somewhere gorgeous in the South of France, let me know because we’ll be planning a retreat in the near future. I can’t wait to be part of this next phase with you, with my company, with the Global Coach Coalition, with the content that I’ve created over the years. 

I will leave you during this beautiful 10 year celebration with something I find very poignant from William Stafford. He says: “I embrace emerging experience. I participate in discovery. I am a butterfly. I am not a butterfly collector. I want the experience of the butterfly.”

 

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The post 306: 10th Anniversary Special! appeared first on Sundae Schneider-Bean, LLC..

Thirsty for some empowerment? We are bringing back some all time highlights so you can stay quenched for quarter 2 of 2023. You’ll get a combination of the most classic and impactful podcast episodes, blogs, and articles in our archives for the next few months.

 

3 months of timeless insight for life IN TRANSIT!

 

1 Highlight topic for this quarter on the following:

• Raising Kids IN TRANSIT
• Grief and Resilience
• Marriage and Partnerships

 

The Timeless Series is also a tribute to when the IN TRANSIT podcast was formerly known as Expat Happy Hour.

 

Drum roll…..Here is Timeless Series Marriage and Partnership Highlight 3: You’re Changing But Your Partner Isn’t

 

This episode focuses on the big question, “What can we do about spouses that just aren’t stepping up?” Maybe not even stepping up to take care of their health. Or being present with the kids. Find out the three steps you can take to make an impact without being a nag or starting a fight. And these strategies don’t just apply to spouses, but will work for anyone you are in relationship with.

 

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured:

Interested in Adapt and Succeed but want a taste of the program first? Check out the Amuse-Bouche Freebie here.

• Sundae’s Website
• Sundae’s Facebook Business Page – Sundae Schneider-Bean LLC
• Sundae Bean – YouTube
• Adapt and Succeed
• IN TRANSIT Hub
• Global Coach Coalition
• Quiz: Which Phase of Transformation Are You In?
• 2023 Ambition Compass Challenge

Catch These Podcasts / Articles:

• Here is a Blog that really resonated with people of the subject. If you haven’t read it, check it out here: The Love Letter Every International Couple Needs To Read. The spirit of this letter is meant to capture the challenges many individuals go through when they leave their home culture, move abroad and settle in the home country of their partner. Its intention is to start a dialogue about these experiences.

 

We’re delighted to be in the Top 5 of the global Best 30 Expat Podcasts!

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The post Timeless Series: You’re Changing But Your Partner Isn’t appeared first on Sundae Schneider-Bean, LLC..

Thirsty for some empowerment? We are bringing back some all time highlights so you can stay quenched for quarter 2 of 2023. You’ll get a combination of the most classic and impactful podcast episodes, blogs, and articles in our archives for the next few months.

 

3 months of timeless insight for life IN TRANSIT!

 

1 Highlight topic for this quarter on the following:

• Raising Kids IN TRANSIT
• Grief and Resilience
• Marriage and Partnerships

 

The Timeless Series is also a tribute to when the IN TRANSIT podcast was formerly known as Expat Happy Hour.

 

Drum roll…..Here is Timeless Series Marriage and Partnership Highlight 2: Midlife Marriage Meltdown

 

Is it your marriage, expat life, a midlife crisis, or all of the above? I welcome psychologist and founder of the Expat Nest, Vivian Chiona, to help us find out. A specialist on the distinct challenges faced by the globally mobile community, Vivian gives us the hard questions to ask before divorce. She also offers reparative and preventative measures for enduring relationship success.

 

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured:

Interested in Adapt and Succeed but want a taste of the program first? Check out the Amuse-Bouche Freebie here.

• Sundae’s Website
• Sundae’s Facebook Business Page – Sundae Schneider-Bean LLC
• Sundae Bean – YouTube
• Adapt and Succeed
• IN TRANSIT Hub
• Global Coach Coalition
• Quiz: Which Phase of Transformation Are You In?
• 2023 Ambition Compass Challenge

Catch These Podcasts / Articles:

• Here is a Blog that really resonated with people on the subject. If you haven’t read it, check it out here: 3 Warning Signs For The Expat Couple. Relationships are challenging enough, and as an expat couple there are additional demands you have to manage. Watch out for these three warning signs if you are in a relationship where the expat on assignment has a heavy load of responsibility.

 

We’re delighted to be in the Top 5 of the global Best 30 Expat Podcasts!

Subscribe: iTunes | Android

Enjoy The Show?

• Don’t miss an episode, subscribe via iTunes or RSS.
• Please leave us a review in iTunes (or here for Android).

The post Timeless Series: Midlife Marriage Meltdown appeared first on Sundae Schneider-Bean, LLC..

Thirsty for some empowerment? We are bringing back some all time highlights so you can stay quenched for quarter 2 of 2023. You’ll get a combination of the most classic and impactful podcast episodes, blogs, and articles in our archives for the next few months.

 

3 months of timeless insight for life IN TRANSIT!

 

1 Highlight topic for this quarter on the following:

• Raising Kids IN TRANSIT
• Grief and Resilience
• Marriage and Partnerships

 

The Timeless Series is also a tribute to when the IN TRANSIT podcast was formerly known as Expat Happy Hour.

 

Drum roll…..Here is Timeless Series Marriage and Partnership Highlight 1: Feeling Distant From Your Partner

 

Look at your life and how you spend your time. Now look at your partner’s. Ever thought, “It’s like we live in different countries!” I get it. And I know that deep down you may worry that these differences could rip you apart. I have got your back – and it is in a totally unexpected way. Check out this game I created for you that will help you not only have a little fun but also bridge the divide so you can create more connection and understanding.

 

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured:

Interested in Adapt and Succeed but want a taste of the program first? Check out the Amuse-Bouche Freebie here.

• Sundae’s Website
• Sundae’s Facebook Business Page – Sundae Schneider-Bean LLC
• Sundae Bean – YouTube
• Adapt and Succeed
• IN TRANSIT Hub
• Global Coach Coalition
• Quiz: Which Phase of Transformation Are You In?
• 2023 Ambition Compass Challenge

Catch These Podcasts / Articles:

• Here is a Blog that really resonated with people on the subject. If you haven’t read it, check it out here: When You Feel A “Big Talk” Coming On, Do This First. One of those “big talks” with your partner – or someone important to you – may very well be on the horizon. That is why I share a process with you that´ll leave you feeling a little more grounded, better understood, and much more in control of your life. This is your go-to-guide the next time you feel a “big talk” coming on.

 

We’re delighted to be in the Top 5 of the global Best 30 Expat Podcasts!

Subscribe: iTunes | Android

Enjoy The Show?

• Don’t miss an episode, subscribe via iTunes or RSS.
• Please leave us a review in iTunes (or here for Android).

The post Timeless Series: Marriage and Partnership appeared first on Sundae Schneider-Bean, LLC..

Thirsty for some empowerment? We are bringing back some all time highlights so you can stay quenched for quarter 2 of 2023. You’ll get a combination of the most classic and impactful podcast episodes, blogs, and articles in our archives for the next few months.

 

3 months of timeless insight for life IN TRANSIT!

 

1 Highlight topic for this quarter on the following:

• Raising Kids IN TRANSIT
• Grief and Resilience
• Marriage and Partnerships

 

The Timeless Series is also a tribute to when the IN TRANSIT podcast was formerly known as Expat Happy Hour.

 

Drum roll…..Here is Timeless Series Resilience and Burnout Highlight 3: Simplified Self-Care

 

This episode is for the carers out there – the tired teachers, parents, health and wellness professionals, entrepreneurs… I see you, and I’ve come with fierce reinforcements. Dr. Tiessen discusses the harm caused from self-neglect, and shares her expert tips for easy, creative, and playful ways to add self-care into our daily routine.

 

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured:

Interested in Adapt and Succeed but want a taste of the program first? Check out the Amuse-Bouche Freebie here.

• Sundae’s Website
• Sundae’s Facebook Business Page – Sundae Schneider-Bean LLC
• Sundae Bean – YouTube
• Adapt and Succeed
• IN TRANSIT Hub
• Global Coach Coalition
• Quiz: Which Phase of Transformation Are You In?
• 2023 Ambition Compass Challenge

Catch These Podcasts / Articles:

• Expat Resilience: Avoiding The Breaking Point. It has been established in the research that those with resilience are able to perform better and be happier than those with lower resilience. Sounds promising but what do we really mean when we talk about resilience?

 

We’re delighted to be in the Top 5 of the global Best 30 Expat Podcasts!

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Enjoy The Show?

• Don’t miss an episode, subscribe via iTunes or RSS.
• Please leave us a review in iTunes (or here for Android).

The post Timeless Series: Simplified Self-Care appeared first on Sundae Schneider-Bean, LLC..

Thirsty for some empowerment? We are bringing back some all time highlights so you can stay quenched for quarter 2 of 2023. You’ll get a combination of the most classic and impactful podcast episodes, blogs, and articles in our archives for the next few months.

 

3 months of timeless insight for life IN TRANSIT!

 

1 Highlight topic for this quarter on the following:

• Raising Kids IN TRANSIT
• Grief and Resilience
• Marriage and Partnerships

 

The Timeless Series is also a tribute to when the IN TRANSIT podcast was formerly known as Expat Happy Hour.

 

Drum roll…..Here is Timeless Series Resilience and Burnout Highlight 2: Standing on The Sidelines of Your Life?

 

Somewhere along the way, we stop and realise that we are no longer on track but are just hustling to get by. To tick off lists. No longer doing anything for ourselves, nothing for joy.

 

It is time to stop the other’s priorities merry-go-round and start living your life with more purpose. Use these ten signs to step back into who you are and everyone will benefit as you reclaim a full, fun and satisfying life.

 

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured:

Interested in Adapt and Succeed but want a taste of the program first? Check out the Amuse-Bouche Freebie here.

• Sundae’s Website
• Sundae’s Facebook Business Page – Sundae Schneider-Bean LLC
• Sundae Bean – YouTube
• Adapt and Succeed
• IN TRANSIT Hub
• Global Coach Coalition
• Quiz: Which Phase of Transformation Are You In?
• 2023 Ambition Compass Challenge

Catch These Podcasts / Articles:

• • Here is a Blog that resonated with people on the subject. If you haven’t read it, check it out here:: One Way To Trick Fear. It isn´t always rational (unless you are left in a room alone with a rabid tiger). But fear´s positive intention is to protect us. The disturbing thing is our body´s response to it can actually be the same, whether the thing that scares us is real or imagined. You know the game: fight or flight, and in this case my good buddy – freeze.

 

We’re delighted to be in the Top 5 of the global Best 30 Expat Podcasts!

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Enjoy The Show?

• Don’t miss an episode, subscribe via iTunes or RSS.
• Please leave us a review in iTunes (or here for Android).

The post Timeless Series: Standing on The Sidelines of Your Life? appeared first on Sundae Schneider-Bean, LLC..

Thirsty for some empowerment? We are bringing back some all time highlights so you can stay quenched for quarter 2 of 2023. You’ll get a combination of the most classic and impactful podcast episodes, blogs, and articles in our archives for the next few months.

 

3 months of timeless insight for life IN TRANSIT!

 

1 Highlight topic for this quarter on the following:

• Raising Kids IN TRANSIT
• Grief and Resilience
• Marriage and Partnerships

 

The Timeless Series is also a tribute to when the IN TRANSIT podcast was formerly known as Expat Happy Hour.

 

Drum roll…..Here is Timeless Series Resilience and Burnout Highlight 1: Why You Should Talk About Grief.

 

Grief is tough enough. Add being part of an intercultural family or navigating a globally-mobile life and it gets even more complicated. When loss strikes, no one wants to also manage unexpected guilt or feel unprepared when confronted with cultural expectations that are completely different from your own.

This podcast which explores four phases that can help uncomplicate the impact of loss when it strikes so that you can focus on what is most important.

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured:

Interested in Adapt and Succeed but want a taste of the program first? Check out the Amuse-Bouche Freebie here.

• Sundae’s Website
• Sundae’s Facebook Business Page – Sundae Schneider-Bean LLC
• Sundae Bean – YouTube
• Adapt and Succeed
• IN TRANSIT Hub
• Global Coach Coalition
• Quiz: Which Phase of Transformation Are You In?
• 2023 Ambition Compass Challenge

Catch These Podcasts / Articles:

• Here is a Blog that resonated with people on the subject. If you haven’t read it, check it out here: Wallow In Your Misery During Change. In this blog, I introduce a 3-part process which is designed to help you splash about in the mud of discontent so you can bring about real change and end the sting of agony. I will begin by introducing three simple components of good wallowing: observe – serve – unwrap. Each is illustrated with examples from my own life so you can see what they look like in action.

 

We’re delighted to be in the Top 5 of the global Best 30 Expat Podcasts!

Subscribe: iTunes | Android

Enjoy The Show?

• Don’t miss an episode, subscribe via iTunes or RSS.
• Please leave us a review in iTunes (or here for Android).

The post Timeless Series: Why You Should Talk About Grief. appeared first on Sundae Schneider-Bean, LLC..

Thirsty for some empowerment? We are bringing back some all time highlights so you can stay quenched for quarter 2 of 2023. You’ll get a combination of the most classic and impactful podcast episodes, blogs, and articles in our archives for the next few months.

 

3 months of timeless insight for life IN TRANSIT!

 

1 Highlight topic for this quarter on the following:

• Raising Kids IN TRANSIT
• Grief and Resilience
• Marriage and Partnerships

 

The Timeless Series is also a tribute to when the IN TRANSIT podcast was formerly known as Expat Happy Hour.

 

Drum roll…..Here is Timeless Series Raising Kids IN TRANSIT Highlight 3: Am I Spoiling My Kids?

 

Overindulgence isn’t just about the families who give too much ice cream. Overindulgence includes a broad spectrum, from allowing too much of anything, to over nurturing or simply having too soft of structures. According to the experts, overindulgence is a form of child neglect. What?! Yes, read on.

 

Thanks to the decades of research from today’s guest, Dr David Bredehoft, and his associates, Dr Connie Dawson and Jean illsley Clarke, parents who are committed to doing the right thing are not alone. Listen to today’s podcast to walk away with ten essential steps to gain more clarity on what counts as overindulgence and how to better allow your child to achieve their full potential.

 

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured:

Interested in Adapt and Succeed but want a taste of the program first? Check out the Amuse-Bouche Freebie here.

• Sundae’s Website
• Sundae’s Facebook Business Page – Sundae Schneider-Bean LLC
• Sundae Bean – YouTube
• Adapt and Succeed
• IN TRANSIT Hub
• Global Coach Coalition
• Quiz: Which Phase of Transformation Are You In?
• 2023 Ambition Compass Challenge

Catch These Podcasts / Articles:

• Here is a Blog that resonated with people on the subject. If you haven’t read it, check it out here: Getting Comfortable With Change Pains: In this Blog, I want to help you make it through the transition you are currently facing so you have more energy, greater joy and less stress. Interested? Spontaneously answer the questions below. Don´t analyze or judge. Just respond with what first pops into mind.

 

We’re delighted to be in the Top 5 of the global Best 30 Expat Podcasts!

Subscribe: iTunes | Android

Enjoy The Show?

• Don’t miss an episode, subscribe via iTunes or RSS.
• Please leave us a review in iTunes (or here for Android).

The post Timeless Series: Am I Spoiling My Kids? appeared first on Sundae Schneider-Bean, LLC..

Thirsty for some empowerment? We are bringing back some all time highlights so you can stay quenched for quarter 2 of 2023. You’ll get a combination of the most classic and impactful podcast episodes, blogs, and articles in our archives for the next few months.

 

3 months of timeless insight for life IN TRANSIT!

 

1 Highlight topic for this quarter on the following:

• Raising Kids IN TRANSIT
• Grief and Resilience
• Marriage and Partnerships

 

The Timeless Series is also a tribute to when the IN TRANSIT podcast was formerly known as Expat Happy Hour.

 

Drum roll…..Here is Timeless Series Raising Kids IN TRANSIT Highlight 2: Grief And Guilt Raising Tcks With Ruth Van Reken.

 

By raising our kids cross-culturally, we are creating children who can move towards those who might seem different but with whom they can find meaningful commonalities. This is just one gift of a cross-cultural life.

 

If you are raising your children abroad, chances are you’ve heard the term Third Culture Kid. If you haven’t, you will want to pay extra close attention. If you have, this episode has something brand new for you.

 

Together with this podcast’s special guest Dr. Ruth van Reken, co-author of the book Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds, we explore grief, guilt, and identity as well as the pride and absolute joys of raising our children abroad. If you think you’ve heard this all before, wait: we cover new territory.

 

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured:

Interested in Adapt and Succeed but want a taste of the program first? Check out the Amuse-Bouche Freebie here.

• Sundae’s Website
• Sundae’s Facebook Business Page – Sundae Schneider-Bean LLC
• Sundae Bean – YouTube
• Adapt and Succeed
• IN TRANSIT Hub
• Global Coach Coalition
• Quiz: Which Phase of Transformation Are You In?
• 2023 Ambition Compass Challenge

Catch These Podcasts / Articles:

• Here is a Blog that really resonated with people of the subject. If you haven’t read it, check it out here –  The Struggle With The Question “Where Is Home?”: When you meet someone new and you’re an expat, the question often comes up, “So, where´s home?” The innocent person who asks this may not even know how this question triggers an internal dilemma. But if you´re an expat, or someone whose heart and story is increasingly being divided into pieces, “home” simply resides in more than one place.

We’re delighted to be in the Top 5 of the global Best 30 Expat Podcasts!

Subscribe: iTunes | Android

Enjoy The Show?

• Don’t miss an episode, subscribe via iTunes or RSS.
• Please leave us a review in iTunes (or here for Android).

The post Timeless Series: Grief And Guilt Raising TCKs With Ruth Van Reken appeared first on Sundae Schneider-Bean, LLC..

Thirsty for some empowerment? We are bringing back some all time highlights so you can stay quenched for quarter 2 of 2023. You’ll get a combination of the most classic and impactful podcast episodes, blogs, and articles in our archives for the next few months.

 

3 months  of timeless insight for life IN TRANSIT!

 

1 Highlight topic for this quarter on the following:

• Raising Kids IN TRANSIT
• Grief and Resilience
• Marriage and Partnerships

 

The Timeless Series is also a tribute to when the IN TRANSIT podcast was formerly known as Expat Happy Hour.

 

Drum roll…..Here is Timeless Series Raising Kids IN TRANSIT Highlight 1: Chat with My TCKs.

 

My favorite conversation with my boys!

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured:

XPath, one of our relocation partners just released an App where you can get access to Adapt and Succeed services right from your phone in whatever region you are moving to. Check it out here.

• Sundae’s Website
• Sundae’s Facebook Business Page – Sundae Schneider-Bean LLC
• Sundae Bean – YouTube
• Adapt and Succeed
• IN TRANSIT Hub
• Global Coach Coalition
• Quiz: Which Phase of Transformation Are You In?
• 2023 Ambition Compass Challenge

Catch These Podcasts / Articles:

• Here is a Blog that really resonated with people of the subject. If you haven’t read it, check it out here – 6 Things We Tell Our Kids But Don’t Do Ourselves: All too often we fail to show up in our own lives the way we expect our children to. Take a closer look at this list, check in on whether you are following your own advice, and try out one of my challenges.

We’re delighted to be in the Top 5 of the global Best 30 Expat Podcasts!

Subscribe: iTunes | Android

Enjoy The Show?

• Don’t miss an episode, subscribe via iTunes or RSS.
• Please leave us a review in iTunes (or here for Android).

The post Timeless Series: Chat with My TCKs appeared first on Sundae Schneider-Bean, LLC..

When you move abroad as an accompanying spouse, you spend a lot of time and energy trying to fit in with people who don’t understand you. Giving up your career, not recognizing yourself anymore, overcompensating by baking cupcakes from scratch because grocery store ones just won’t do, dot dot dot.

And you can try and explain what it’s like until you’re blue in the face, telling your story to the most empathetic person on the planet. But in the end, it takes one to know one, and if you’re an accompanying spouse, my guest this week will take the words right out of your mouth.

It’s my pleasure to welcome back life coach, entrepreneur, author, and member of Global Coach Coalition, Claire Hauxwell. You might remember Claire from EP172 where we discussed Party Fouls.  

Claire calls herself a Professional BadASS — the capital “ASS” stands for “Accompanying Supportive Spouse.” For the globally mobile, that’s a creative way to reference people who move abroad with a partner on assignment.

Often giving up their own career, the so-called “trailing spouse” can feel unseen, undervalued, and suffers a quiet self-erosion. This happens while the rest of the world regards their life abroad as adventurous and carefree — which, even when true, doesn’t negate a desire for purpose.

Claire first became an accompanying spouse in 2009. 14 years later, Claire has five international moves under her belt. Today, Claire returns to share updates on her journey, including a new book where she uses her experience to help other accompanying spouses think big.

What You’ll Learn in this Episode:

• Busy but unsatisfied
• Misunderstanding ungratefulness
• Coaching session morning sickness
• Letting go of other people’s opinions
• Wearing jeans that never break-in

Listen to the Full Episode:

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• Sundae’s Website
• Sundae’s Facebook Business Page – Sundae Schneider-Bean LLC
• Sundae Bean – YouTube
• Adapt and Succeed
• IN TRANSIT Hub
• Global Coach Coalition
• Quiz: Which Phase of Transformation Are You In?
• 2023 Ambition Compass Challenge
• BadASS Abroad: How to Get Your Expat Shift Together
• Year of Transformation with Sundae
• FIGT
• Claire Hauxwell

Catch These Podcasts / Articles:

• EP190: Scale of Wholeness
• EP301: The Crumble
• EP302: Infinite Possibilities
• EP303: Fight Mode
• EP304: Triumph In Transit

 

Who doesn’t love reruns? Well, here comes the Timeless Series. For the next three months, we’ll revive the most evergreen and impactful podcast episodes, blogs, and articles from our archives. And while you quench your thirst for empowering content in Q2, we’re working behind-the-scenes to return with a vengeance for Q3! Thank you for your continued support during these shapeshifting times.

 

We’re delighted to be in the Top 5 of the global Best 30 Expat Podcasts!

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Full Episode Transcript:

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Hello, it is 4 a.m. in New York, 10 a.m. in Johannesburg, and 4 p.m. in Bangkok. Welcome to IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean. I’m an intercultural strategist, transformation facilitator, and solution-oriented coach. And I am on a mission to help you adapt and succeed through ANY life transition. 

I’m going to pick a caption from a book that will be featured in today’s episode and see if you’ve ever felt this, “Is ‘Done’ an emotion because I feel that in my soul.” Now, if you’re feeling, “Done,” right now, then you want to check out the rest of this episode with Claire Hauxwell because she can help us go from that feeling of absolutely done to living a life where you have your shift together. Claire, welcome to IN TRANSIT. 

 

Claire: Thanks, Sundae for having me. I’m excited to be here. 

 

Sundae: Claire you’ve been at this before, where you helped us and some of the things you shouldn’t say to an expat partner, that was our Party Foul episode. And now I’m having you back on after a huge transformation in your own life. Let me tell people about you before we dive in Claire Hauxwell is what she calls a Professional BadASS and that means Capital ASS: Accompanying Supportive Spouse. For those of you who are not living a globally mobile life, that’s another way, a very creative way to talk about those people who are joining their partner as you move abroad. Or living a mobile life to support your family in the job transitions. With nearly 14 years of experience, Claire has figured out living life abroad. She has five international moves under her belt. And she’s really learned how to embrace all things about living an unbounded and global lifestyle, and what it throws at you. 

 

What’s great about her, is her life because of how mobile it’s been globally, helps her understand in a really deep way, living life in transition. Claire’s originally from Michigan and has been relocating both internationally and domestically for many many years. Claire is also a certified life coach. She works with those to gain confidence, shift their mindset, and create a fulfilling and intentional life at home and abroad. And she is the author of the book, BadASS Abroad: How to Get Your Expat Shift Together. It is relatable, it is funny, and it’s part memoir, part guidebook on a life-changing journey. And Claire has been so kind to share some of her journey with you today. So Claire, thank you for joining us. How long have we known each other? 

 

Claire: We met in 2018 at FIGT , I think.

 

Sundae: Can you tell me a little bit about– give us a glimpse of where your life was at then. 

 

Claire: When I went to FIGT that year, I turned 40 that year and well I had turned 40 the year before but it was in my 40th year and I was trying to like figure out what I do now. My kids are getting a bit older. Nobody really needs me here. I have all this time on my hands. I’m busy, but I’m not loving anything that I do. And I was writing but I didn’t do anything with my writing and I was spending all my time giving all my energy to other people. And when I went to this conference, which was kind of like a precipice, which is funny because I think I met you and I was like, “Whoa, she seems like super bubbly.” I don’t know how, I don’t know if we knew each other just from online. 

 

Sundae: Yep, South African connection. 

 

Claire: Yeah, expat life is a small world. But I had gotten to this point in my life where I was like, “What the hell is going on?” What are you doing with your life here? Because like everything’s going on around you and you’re just kind of existing.” 

 

Sundae: Well, I can imagine a lot of people can relate to that right now, right? 

 

Claire: Yeah. And I think this was obviously pre-COVID where a lot of things are like now, we’re still existing in a different world today. But back then, I was just like, “I have to be the perfect mom. I have to be the perfect wife. I’ve got to make sure everything looks perfect on the outside. And I have to help and have to…” Well, I didn’t need to do all those things and I was so busy. What but I wasn’t doing things that I loved anymore. I mean, I loved parenting and I loved being a wife but it wasn’t fulfilling me. I had nothing that was my own. 

 

Sundae: Hmm. How did you know that? Like, you have that language for it now, but what were the signs then? 

 

Claire: I didn’t know it then. That was really the thing.  I didn’t know it. And I think what happened was, I started trying to figure something out. Something. I use this term in my book a lot. I use the word, “Something” is missing. And I think I’ve talked to a lot of expat spouses in my time living abroad, which is a lot of expat spouses and everyone’s got a great life. My life is great. I never complained. I didn’t need to complain. I wasn’t, I didn’t have to complain, I wanted for nothing. But something was missing. And it was something for me. It wasn’t like I was giving everything I could to everybody else and that was great and I was doing a good job but I said I can always do more. And I kept doing this but I got to the point where I was getting really uncomfortable with the idea of whatever this something was and it really was like a rock in my shoe. 

 

So it was like, I got really uncomfortable in my own skin. And not uncomfortable from a physical perspective, just I didn’t know who I was anymore. 

 

Sundae: Hmm. The clients I’ve worked with, they say, “I’m happy but unsatisfied.” 

 

Claire: Correct. That’s exactly what it was. I was unfulfilled, I didn’t know what the word “fulfilled” meant because I didn’t know what I liked anymore. I didn’t know. And I and I talked about this in my book a lot because I think, one of the things I say in the book is someone asked me, “What’s your favorite meal?” And, I don’t even know because I only worry about what everyone else wants to eat. That was where I was at in my world. Really uncomfortable and that’s when I had reached out to you. Where I was like, “I don’t know what is happening here.” And I would have been the first person to say, “I will never use a life coach. Who needs a life coach?” I just didn’t know. I wasn’t doing it. And I hesitated for a while but it was like, Something’s gotta give. 

 

I’m doing all the things but I’m not doing one of the things, and that was taking care of me. Or taking care of my needs.

 

Sundae: So what name would you give the discomfort that you were feeling? Because, obviously, you have to be uncomfortable enough to say “Yes,” to something that probably seems equally uncomfortable. 

 

Claire: Right. Yeah, totally. It’s like when you like, “Oh. I’m a skier.” Great. Let’s put a snowboard on instead. And now throw me down the mountain. It’s like taking on a new adventure. I would say it’s like when a pair of jeans is a bit too tight, you know? It’s because they’re not comfortable anymore. Usually, you can put a pair of jeans on the first day, they’re really stuck. And then they start breaking in and they feel good. It was like the jeans were tight every single day.

 

Sundae:  Yeah, yeah. 

 

Claire: And then it was. “Okay. I have to go up a size, which isn’t a bad thing.

 

Sundae: Right? Right. 

 

Claire: Because maybe these jeans have shrunk over time. And it’s still the same me. It’s not that I am different physically or who I am. I don’t fit in those jeans anymore the way that I used to. And so, then, it was okay if I have to get a different pair of jeans and now these fit differently and that’s also uncomfortable because you’re having to get comfortable with the idea of like. “I have to size up.” I have to, you know. That’s a really weird metaphor to use, but it would just be like, “I have to be comfortable with the change. I have to feel okay with changing.” And that’s where it was. 

 

Sundae: And it’s like, “I have to be okay with taking more space in my life.” Or, I have to be okay with saying where I am in my life and where I want to be, there’s a gap there and that’s uncomfortable. 

 

Claire: Hmm. I would assume that it’s like when a snake sheds its skin, right? It’s got to be so uncomfortable, the last, I don’t know how long it takes for them to do that, but that last bit of growth, you have to break out of that skin. It can’t feel good. 

 

And it doesn’t feel good because that’s where I got to the point of like really unhappy. 

 

Sundae: And you’re unhappy and your life is perfect, right? That’s the hard part of like, “Why am I unhappy and my life is perfect?” And that’s because there’s something fundamental and this is something I always try to advocate in the podcast and other forms of like, we are wired for purpose. It is okay to want to have a fulfilling life. There’s so much in our modern society, that pulls us away from connection, that pulls us away from meaning, right? It’s okay to want that. 

 

Claire: Yeah, and I think that there’s a big thing about ungratefulness, people feel that like, “Well, you should be grateful.” I’m super grateful, doesn’t mean I can’t be unhappy about something. And I think people view ungratefulness in the wrong way. My gratefulness has nothing to do with how I feel inside. 

 

Sundae: Exactly. Right. So interesting. So there’s this comfort and you basically gave up one discomfort to start another one. Do you mind sharing the story about morning sickness that we talked about?

 

Claire: Oh yeah. So okay, so if you haven’t figured it out yet, Sundae was my coach. I did the Year of Transformation with Sundae. And I think  I went into the first, I don’t know, two months of sessions, and I was just like, “This sucks.” I really don’t want to be doing this. She was like, “It’s fine. It’s like that in beginning.” And I’m like, “It’s not fine.” But like, “This is normal. It’s all part of the process.” And I just was like, “No. Ew. All I’m doing is getting it all out.” She’s like, “You need to get it all out.” And I was like, “Okay, I’m gonna keep going.” And it’s honestly that Sundae uses the morning sickness, you feel sick all the time and it’s true I did. I had this pit in my stomach for a long time. But then I got over this hump and I was like, there’s no more pit. 

 

Sundae: Yeah. And the pit is like all the bullshit you tell yourself.

 

Claire: Totally.

 

Sundae: All the old patterns that are not serving you. I’m actually feel sick in my stomach right now when I’m saying it because it makes me think about, you have to surface it. Otherwise, you’re not going to get around it. Could you put a word to a few of the things that you expulsed?

 

Claire: So I had to let go of what other people thought of me because I had these ideas that like, everybody’s all else’s opinion mattered, which doesn’t. I had to give up the idea of like, nobody died today so I did a good job. And then I also had to give up that, it’s okay to say “no.” I really didn’t have boundaries anymore. So I would just say “Yes.” And I didn’t listen to my intuition at all anymore so I really had a hard time stopping and thinking before I would say “yes” to something because I was just used to like, “Oh sure, whatever it is that you need. I can take care of it because I’m Superwoman.” And what that does is it creates false expectations, all around. So everybody expects that you’re going to do that. There are some options about you is XY and Z. 

 

And yes, you look great but on the inside it’s like, I don’t want to make cupcakes for somebody. I don’t want to pick that person’s kid up from school. These are all the things that I don’t want to do right but I’m doing them anyway. But why?, I don’t need to. So yeah, I got really comfortable with being okay with saying “no.” 

 

Sundae: Yep. I’m wondering and I’m curious if this is something that you feel too, but when I think about my former self, there were versions of me where what you just said was also probably true for me, but I would have never admitted it to myself, let alone, other people. Tell me where I’m wrong. 

 

Claire: I wouldn’t have admitted it to myself until I’d done the work. 

 

Sundae: Yes, that’s what I’m saying. You would live in a lie; live with the idea as if that’s not a problem. As if you’re not doing that thing.

 

Claire: Well, that’s just because that’s just the way it is. And I think that that’s probably part of it is that, it doesn’t just have to be the way it is.  Can I provide cupcakes? Sure, but they’re coming from the grocery store. You didn’t have to make them. They just have to be cupcakes. I feel like we are putting expectations on ourselves that are above and beyond what anybody else is putting on themselves. So why is it okay for Susie down the street to provide nothing and I’ve got to make up for something? And that’s where I think a lot of accompanying spouses, we’re trying to compensate for something because a lot of us leave careers. A lot of us, maybe were caretakers of our parents. Or a lot of us leave a lot of purposeful things when we leave to go to another place. And that’s not just to say when you leave the first time, if you’re like me, where you’ve left me times you can get used to it. And then, oh, crap. Now I got to leave again. And all the things that became part of me and more purposeful to me, now, I got to go and recreate that. And so that overcompensates for all the things I don’t have that were filling the something. And that’s part of the transition. But if you know how to prepare for them. Yeah, you’re halfway there.

 

Sundae: So I really appreciate the transparency that you have about how it was. And I think a lot of people can understand that and they relate with that. So we’re going through the morning sickness, you’re confronting all of the crap that no one wants to confront. And then what?

 

Claire: I think then what it was, I was able to think big. What did I want my life to look like? And I think that’s what a lot of us are afraid of doing because we don’t really know what we want. Because we’re so focused. Yeah, we forget. We get so focused on others. And I would say that this could happen with somebody that is not in my situation or an accompanying spouse. This could be somebody that is working, has a full-time job, that also has kids, that doesn’t have kids. That it could be anybody. If you’re just doing things because that’s what you do, you still have to fulfill you. 

 

Sundae: Right? 

 

Claire: And you have to make the time

 

Sundae: It makes me think about you know, this podcast is coming right on the tail of the focus on the Four Phases of Transformation. And we talked about Infinite Possibilities, how anything is possible. And where people get stuck is where they forget how to want, is exactly what you were talking about. And that moment of, wait a minute, “What if I open up the door?” and I imagined, like you said, “Think big. What could be  possible?”

 

And that’s what you said. You have to think big. But my observation and with my clients and even what happened, I think with us as when you do open up that door of what’s possible, I believe in you, I see you. And just like with you and your clients, you see lots of possibilities but they’re not ready to see that yet. Can you think of an example of that in your own journey, where the doors started to open and it was hard for you to see into what else would be possible? 

 

Claire: Yeah, I think there was a point where you and I would talk and you’d be like, “Well, what if you did this? Or what if you did that?” And I’d be like, “No, no no.” And then you talked about me becoming a coach and I was like, “Hell no. That is not where I’m going. I don’t want to do that, that’s not me.” And you were like, “Okay, we’re just going to put a pin in that over there, and we’re going to keep going.” And for me, I was the type of person and I know I can think back to the time when we were working together on this, I always talked about, “I like helping people. I like getting them through these Journeys. I like helping them figure out how to move forward.” And you were just like, “Mmm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm.”

 

Sundae:  *laughter*

 

Claire: I can see your face like five years ago. So yeah, we don’t know what we don’t know 

 

Sundae: And I remember there was a time where you really really resisted having your own thing, like your own business, right? 

 

Claire: The word “monetize,” came up. And I was like, “Yo, why would I want to monetize anything?” Really? And that’s because I’d never like, the idea of “entrepreneur” at all. Which still scares the hell out of me today because it’s still new. That’s a journey that I am still going through. But at that time I just wasn’t ready for it because I couldn’t wrap my head around, just the first part of that. 

 

Sundae: Yeah. And so this kind of goes back to the beginning and I’m going to let everybody read your journey in the book to find out more. But what I’m seeing is this pattern, we talked about again, back to the podcast, where we talked about the Four Phases of Transformation. 

 

1. The Crumble was, my life, it’s good, but not good enough type of thing. I’m looking for fulfillment, that the crumble, what am I going to do? 
2. Where you finally get uncomfortable enough, right to do something, then we go through Infinite Possibilities, where it’s like, “Let me think big. What could it be?” And then some resistance around, “No, I can’t make money doing this. I would never become that,” right? That’s that limiting belief. 
3. And then you did the work. And that’s, I mean, your journey is captured in the book and that’s when we talk about Fight Mode. You did the work you showed up and now you’re getting the fruits of the labor. What advice do you have for people who? Are seeing themselves and where you were in 2018?

 

Claire: Just don’t let it slip away because the more time that you waste not taking advantage of this, of the knowing. You know in your gut, whether you want to believe it or not, you know in your gut what you’re feeling. And my advice would be, if there’s one thing that you can do is start listening to yourself more because that’ll give you the bravery to take the steps to find all the things your somethings. Give yourself the courage by just listening to yourself. Because I didn’t always listen to myself and I let too much time pass. We can’t get back time. So we have to take advantage of it. Dealing with a life coach is not like dealing with a life coach like we think it is really is different. And I’m now such a big proponent of it obviously but do the work inside, listen to yourself and then find somebody that gets you. Because if you can find somebody that gets you, it doesn’t feel awkward and weird and strange. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve ugly cried in front of somebody. 

 

Sundae: If you’re not crying, you’re not doing it right. 

 

Claire: Right? Ugly cry. And then you laughing and then you’re like, “Okay, this is good.” So just give yourself the courage to do it because it’s all about your worth it. I mean you really are. 

 

Sundae: Well I want to take a little side step here, we talked about this before we got on the call about this idea of life coach and what’s so funny is most people that – – first of all we need to define what a coach is because there’s a lot of sort of like the energy, that’s attached to some coaching schools or some processes or methods or people have no training. So, I just want to define coaching for a second for people who are listening. 

 

1. Coaching, the purpose of coaching, if you look at the International Coaching Federation, coaching is where you assume your client is the expert of their life. And the coach has methodology to help the client find their own answers, right? And so, the coach is an expert in the methodology to help that person get out of their own head. Or to see what’s possible. But it’s all through that collaboration. So it’s that collaboration together where it makes it happen. I think that’s important. 

 

1. Coaching is not therapy, it’s not counseling, it’s also a caveat. I think it’s important to say. And that coaching is focused on now and the future who you’re becoming. It’s not something that digs way back in the past and helps you find out why. 

 

There are people in the industry that kind of ruin it because they don’t have called qualifications so they’re not delivering results, etc, etc. 

 

So I did you think it’s important to just say that out loud and the other thing I want to say about this is I had a situation recently where I reached out to one of my mentors and I said, “Hey are you accepting clients right now? Because I have something I’d like to bring to you in coaching.” And they’re like, on that topic and coaching, and I was surprised by the response because the compliment was, “Sundae, you’re so good at what you do. Why would you need coaching?” And my answer was, “I am so good at what I do because I engage in these kinds of processes so that I don’t stay stuck.” Because I’m also human. And I also get stuck in my stuff. 

 

And it’s like, for me, I need this. This is how I operate. I need a sparring partner. I need someone to call my bullshit. I need someone to remind me who I am, right? I also need those things. And l just want to say that for people who don’t know what that is and what that process is you get a taste of it in your book, right? But I just felt like that was an important side comment because what you did, I thought was so important, is you tried to do it on your own and then you noticed, you’ve kind of exhausted all of your creative resources and you wanted to make progress. So it was at that point where you said, “Hey maybe I shouldn’t do this alone.”

 

Claire: Yeah, and there’s no shame in asking for help, right? And I think that’s one of the things that a lot of people right now face. They’re afraid of asking for help.  Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness. It just makes me better at what I do. Cuz now I can do things that I couldn’t do before. I didn’t have the tools to do those before. 

 

Sundae: Yep. Absolutely. 

 

Claire: And it builds confidence and it’s all about, how do we get better together versus why do I have to struggle on my own? That idea just drives me crazy. “I am okay, I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it.” Well, if I just help you carry it for a little bit here, then it be easier and we get to the next step and then we’ll see where you go.

 

Sundae:  Oh, and I’ve been that person. I remember being pregnant and I’d have like two loads of groceries on my hips, huge belly, opening the door of the key, and my husband’s like, “Do you need help?” I’m like, “No, I got this.” In hindsight, I’m like, what the heck? 

 

Claire: Yeah, 

 

Sundae: So I’m sure there are people who are listening who have been there 100%. So there was something I wanted to follow up with that. You got you and you didn’t ask for help. It’s like you asked for a sparring partner so you could do better. And this is when clients say to me, thank you for my support. I’m like, “You’re the one who did the work,” you know. I mean, it’s the individual who is bringing their crap and things that are hard, they’re the ones doing the hard work, right? So, I think it’s important that this is a team effort and the one who’s bringing their topic to the session as the one is doing all the hard work. 

 

Claire: Yeah, and one of the things that I’ve noticed working with clients is, especially in the beginning of coaching there like, “I just need someone to tell me what to do, and why.” That’s not going to happen here. 

 

Sundae: Yeah. Yeah. 

 

Claire: I’m not gonna tell you what to do. We’re gonna talk it out, but this is gonna, remarkably this is going to come from within. 

 

Sundae: We’re gonna dig it out of you, I like it.

 

Claire: It might take a while but I don’t have the answer because my answer- and this is something that I have. And I think that this was one of the reasons why Sundae told me, like early, you should become a coach and all these things that we did. And when I toyed with writing a book I was like, “Who the hell wants to listen to what I have to say?” But then I was like the way that I wrote my book was, this is what I did, this was my journey. I’ll tell you all the things, they might not work for you, but this is what worked for me. And I’m very up front about that when I do speaking engagements or if I work with clients or when I talk about the book. 

 

I don’t have a doctorate. This is from what I know of myself. This is my journey. 

 

Sundae: Yeah, and, if you can go through that journey other people can go through their own version of it. Right? Like, whatever that means for them. 

 

Claire: Yeah. And some of the things might work for you. But that doesn’t mean everything’s going to work for you, right? It’s not a Bible. It’s not the Encyclopedia of self-development. 

 

Sundae: So I’m curious, like when we think about this, when you think about your journey and the ups and downs, what are you most proud of? 

 

Claire: That I didn’t give up. I remember, I don’t know if you’ll remember this, but I remember coming to a session and having really negative energy, just didn’t want to be there. 

 

I think I had moved and was in the middle of it and just like, “This sucks.” I moved back to Switzerland. I miss South Africa. And I remember sitting there and every time I think about it, I get mad at myself because I wasted all of it. I was giving up on the process, because I remember you called me out at the end of the session you were like, “I don’t know what’s going on with you but this is not right. This, isn’t you.” 

 

Sundae: Mmm. 

 

Claire: And I walked away from that and it was like I was almost just like, I’m done with this. I can, you know, I don’t need this anymore. I can, you know, whatever and it was what I needed at the most. Mmm. So I’m really glad that I never gave up on it because it is hard. And it doesn’t mean that it’s going to take six months and it’s going to be over, right? And I think that that’s another thing too, is that I still love when I can call someone and say, “I just need to have someone hold some space for me for a little while so I can get this out.” And I know the right people to call. I can call the right person and go, this person’s going to call me on my BS. This person’s going to just be really considerate or empathetic to the situation. I know who to call but it doesn’t end just because you do it and you go through a year or six months or whatever, it’s a continual process. 

 

Sundae: That was what I was trying to come back to before is that I was just having a conversation with a client about this before we hopped on the call. I worked with the client for a year and she did some amazing work and then we reconnected a year or two later and life kicked her in the teeth. And she said, “Sundae, I’m so glad we worked together when we did because at first, I was under the impression that life would get easier because of what we were doing. But then I realized that life doesn’t get easier. I just have more tools.” 

 

And that honestly, I think was also my naive idea way back, when I first started I thought that we would solve things and then they would go away, right? You dissolve a thought and it never comes back or you identify a pattern and then it’s gone. But it’s not that. It’s about when things get hard or when you get up against yourself or against things that are hard external to you, you just develop different strategies, different tools, different resilience, different ways of looking at. And that isn’t sexy marketing, right? We want quick fixes, we want instant and then gone forever. And I don’t believe in that. I don’t think life is that simple. I think our lives are more complex than that. And so that’s that’s just where I’m at and you’re right. You can just show up to hard things in new ways. 

 

Claire: Right. And I think hard things aren’t going to go away just because you get through something, something else is going to come. Like a global pandemic, like a war, like aging parents, like there are a few things. Teenagers. All of those things. All the same time, all of them at the same time. And I think that there’s like this moment that of clarity sometimes that you’re like, “Oh wait, I remember. How did I deal with this? It’s not the same situation, but how did I deal with this?” 

 

It’s almost like, “What would Sundae tell me to do?” Not that you tell but like, how would we have that conversation? And You have to do the hard work. And you have it there in you and now you can do the harder things. Those things were hard and now, there’s harder things. 

 

Sundae: Yeah, but they’re not as hard to get through because you’ve done the muscle building so to speak to lift those things. So do you mind, if we flash forward? I am going to leave the rest of your journey for them to read about in your book. It’s actually really funny. I got in trouble on the airplane because I was laughing out loud while I was reading it. But let people read it. It’s fun, it’s light but love about how this is what I saw in you, is I saw a fresh direct way of speaking about reality of globally mobile lives in ways that weren’t being talked about and needed to be talked about, that demystified or it’s spoke, a truer truth, so to speak, right? So check it out. 

 

It’s really, really beautiful, but I will fast forward. That was this book talks about your journey, but you’ve been on such another journey since then. You just keep going. Keep changing. Can you catch people up? Tell us a little bit about what kind of transitions you’re feeling right now and what form of transformation is happening in your own life right now. 

 

Claire: So there’s a few different things, right now, if I look at my life, as a globally mobile person, I’ve become a stair in my world. So, I’m now kind of like having not just packing up, I’m usually that three-year person. I’m probably not going anywhere anytime soon. So like there’s a little bit of, that’s different. Those transitions lead through everyone’s leaving. Or everybody knows that they’re leaving in this certain time and I’m like but we’re not. 

So that’s part of it and there’s things that you can do to help that. Solopreneurship. It’s like that’s a total shit show sometimes because I don’t know what I like. I’ve always worked for a corporation. When I worked outside of the home, I work for a corporation, I walked in, they gave me a badge, they gave me a computer. Here’s your software program, learn it. It was totally different. Now I’m kind of like, “What do I do today?” Right? So that’s part of it. 

 

I’m learning that I’m parenting teens! I’ve never done that before. I’m preparing to be an empty nester soon. Well, not really soon. I still feel like one will leave. Don, he’s like, “But I’ve got to get ready for that one to leave.” There’s potential for me to be on a different continent from that person. He’s only 18 years old and still needs their mom sometimes. And I have aging parents so I am going through that transition of taking more, I don’t know if it’s a responsibility level, but there’s just that. So there’s a lot of different moving parts that are going on at the same time.

 

Sundae: Yeah. Kind of sounds like it. So we talked about Ambitious Transformation in Transition. What is your definition of ambitious right now? What is ambitious for you? 

 

Claire: I think because I’m in like an uncomfortable growth stage, in a lot of ways, I’m in the uncomfortable growth stage. If you look at the hero’s journey or whatever, it’s like the uncomfortable growth stage, I just continually have to show up. It’s just showing up as me and if those who know me, if you read my book, if you follow me on social media, know me personally, you get what you get. I’m really no fluff person and so if I know that I’m staying true to that and showing up and being there for all the people, that I need to be but showing up continually for myself. So that I can give them only things that they need. That’s ambitious for me. But I have to come first. And that’s why I think it’s ambitious because everyone’s like, “Who the hell puts themselves first?” 

 

Sundae: And it’s a complete reversal from your former pattern of what you’d started talking about in the beginning of this episode. Meeting everybody’s needs, ignoring yours, people-pleasing. And that’s why I wanted to bring you on today because I think one, you’re so generous in sharing the real story. I think It’s a chapter in your book, “I’m fine.” And I always say, when people say they’re fine, I’m like, “I don’t believe you.” I work with too many people to know how real lives are actually. Well, of course, we’re not always fine, there’s some area of our life that weird being humaning and could use a little bit of TLC for your journey. 

 

I think is so awesome in terms of where you’ve got come from and then also the transparency about the journey. Appreciate that so much. I’ve been able to watch you go from that space to actually supporting people in that space. 

 

So if you follow my work, you know that Claire is part of the Global Coach Coalition. So she went from that whole personal journey and that’s what I love about what you’ve done, you’ve done the real work. It’s not academic, it’s not just like in your head, you memorized a few things. It’s that you’ve you embody it. You’ve done the hard work. So when you work with others, you get it right in your bones. And I think that’s really important and yeah, I think it’s cool. So shameless plug for Claire, if you are looking for support, she’s also a member of the Global Coach Coalition and is a facilitator of Adapt and Succeed. 

 

She also does things on confidence. So if you want someone by your side You didn’t give me permission, so I hope it’s okay I’m sayong that. I’m shamelessly plugging you right now so Claire is awesome or just check out her book. 

 

Anything else that you want to leave people with when we look at getting your shift together, right? It’s about these shifts that you make in your life. And these sort of last words of wisdom for people.

 

Claire:  Just don’t be afraid to take – we talked about opening the door. Don’t be afraid to open the door because you don’t know what’s ahead of you. Let’s say, you got to be brave. Just take the brave stuff to open the door. Don’t have to walk through it today but now you can see that there’s other things out there and yeah, that’s the first step to getting your shift together.

 

Sundae: So good. That’s so perfect. And now you see why I had to have Claire on right after my series on transformation. We talked about the Crumble, Infinite Possibilities, Fight Mode, and Triumph In Transition, you can see Claire’s journey in each one of those phases she’s been through. So check those episodes out if you haven’t. Check out her book and of course if you want to be someone who supports others, check out Global Coach Coalition. 

 

So Claire, thank you for being here, it’s been awesome.

 

Claire: Thanks for having me. 

Sundae: My face hurts from smiling, which is always a good sign. All right, I will leave you all with the words of Joseph Campbell: “We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

 

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The post 305: Think Big with Claire Hauxwell appeared first on Sundae Schneider-Bean, LLC..