In this is the fourth and final episode in the Letters to Wives season, my guest is Melissa Grace Tablada. She’s a Catholic psychotherapist and fertility care practitioner. Throughout this Letters to Wives series, many of my guests have mentioned how marriage therapy radically changed their marriage for the better.

Melissa and I are talking about what you should be looking for in a marriage therapist, the lies that keep you from therapy, and how to love your spouse in challenging seasons.

But we’re also talking about connecting with your spouse while raising a family, how to make date nights intentional, and how to have good, quality conversations with your husband. 

Whether you’re looking for a quality marriage therapist to help your marriage thrive or you want some tips for having a quality conversation on your next date night, sister, this letter is for you. 

Topics we cover:

• Melissa’s story as a Catholic woman

• Why you shouldn’t wait for a crisis to consider marriage therapy

• How to go about choosing a good therapist for you and your marriage

• Some of the reasons that women and couples stay away from marriage therapy

• Bringing up your desire for marriage therapy with your spouse

• What to do if your spouse is hesitant to go to therapy with you

• Melissa’s advice for what to do if you’re feeling disconnected from your spouse while raising a family

• How to connect with your spouse on date night and Melissa’s surprising advice about how to get into deeper connection

• Why Melissa and her husband go on a marriage retreat every year and Melissa’s advice for going on a retreat with your spouse

• How Melissa lives out the feminine genius in her daily life as a wife

Resources for you:

• Follow Melissa on Instagram

• Check out Melissa’s website

• Melissa’s (free!) 25 questions for better connections in your marriage

• 14 Day Marriage Connection Challenge (use the code LETTERS for 15% off!)

• Subscribe to Naptime Notes and get early, ad free access to all the Letters to Women episodes for just $5 a month

Discussion questions:

1. Have you been to marriage therapy? If yes, how has it impacted your marriage? If not, what are your thoughts on reaching out to a therapist after listening to this conversation with Melissa?
   

2. Have you believed the lie that your marriage “isn’t that bad” or the lie that your marriage is “beyond saving”? How do you think the Lord desires to speak truth over your relationship and sacrament?
   

3. Does your marriage have a support team? If not, what is the first step that you could take today to creating a community around your marriage to support and encourage you?
   

4. What are three questions you can ask your spouse on a date night or as you connect at the end of the day that can facilitate connection?

In this third episode of the Letters to Wives season, my guest is Kathryn Whitaker. She’s been married to her husband, Scott, for almost thirty years. We’re talking about the advice she wishes she would go back and give herself, how hard seasons have impacted her marriage, and what she’s looking forward to in her marriage as her kids all grow up and leave the house. 

She’s also giving her advice on how to disagree with your spouse in a way that still honors them and your marriage, as well as when and how to reach out to a good marriage therapist for help healing your marriage. 

So, if you’re looking for advice and encouragement when it comes to building a marriage that not only lasts, but is truly joyful, life-giving, and authentic, sister, this letter is for you.

Topics we cover:

• Kathryn’s story as a Catholic woman

• The advice Kathryn would give to herself at the beginning of her relationship

• How a 44 day NICU stay imploded Kathryn’s marriage and how she and Scott have found healing

• How to make time to connect with your spouse so you don’t wake up twenty years from now realizing you don’t know your spouse

• Knowing when you need the help of a marriage therapist and what to do if your spouse isn’t interested in therapy together

• Three ways to work through disagreements in a way that honors your spouse and your marriage together

• What Kathryn is looking forward to in this next season of her marriage as her kids head off to college

• How Kathryn lives out the feminine genius in her ordinary, daily life as a wife

Resources for you:

• Check out Kathryn’s book, Live Big, Love Bigger

• Visit Kathryn’s website

• Listen to Kathryn’s radio show and NICU support podcast

• Follow Kathryn on Instagram

• Subscribe to Naptime Notes and get early, ad free access to all the Letters to Women episodes for just $5 a month

Discussion questions:

1. As you reflect on your own marriage, what are some things about your spouse, yourself, and your marriage that you’ve learned along the way?
   

2. How can you make time to connect with your spouse if you’re in a busy season of life?
   

3. When you disagree with your husband, do you handle the conflict in a way that honors your spouse and your marriage? If not, what changes can you make the next time an argument arises?
   

4. What are you looking forward to in this current season of your marriage?

In this second episode of the Letters to Wives season, Rebekah Olson and I are talking about what it looks like to run a business with your spouse—and her business, Ginger and Peach, happens to be a model-free lingerie company that she started out of her one room bedroom apartment.

Now she and her husband run a team of seamstresses all sewing from their homes in the US - and they partner with an ethical manufacturer in Nepal to bring fresh starts and fulfilled lives to women living in the margins.

We’re talking about her company, her advice if you’re listening in and think that there’s no way you could ever be confident in lingerie, and she’s dismantling some of the lies that we believe about our bodies as wives. 

So if you’ve a wife looking to ditch the comparison and embrace your true worth as wonderfully made and loved, this letter is for you.

Topics we cover:

• Rebekah’s story as a woman and a wife

• The origin story of Ginger & Peach Lingerie

• How Rebekah honors the dignity and beauty of each woman by running a model-free lingerie company

• Why you don’t actually need lingerie to heal your body image or to have a great marriage - and what DOES bring healing in your heart

• Body image as one of the very first issues women face after the fall and how Jesus brings relationship and redemption

• How Rebekah’s husband, Andrew, spoke the truth over her desire to start a business and inspired her to become a lingerie designer

• The lies that we believe as women when it comes to our bodies and shame

Resources for you:

• Explore Ginger & Peach collections on their website and use the code LETTERSTOWOMEN for 10% off any purchase

• Follow Ginger & Peach on Instagram

• Habits for a Sacred Home by Jennifer Pepito

• Subscribe to Naptime Notes and get early, ad free access to all the Letters to Women episodes for just $5 a month

  
  

  Discussion questions:

  1. Rebekah chose to have Ginger & Peach be a model free lingerie company to combat comparison. Do you struggle with comparing your body to other women around you (in real life and online)? What would it look like to live confidently as the woman God created you to be?
     

  2. You don’t need lingerie to heal your marriage, you need Jesus. What is one area of your marriage that you can invite the Lord into today?
     

  3. Rebekah shares about how Andrew spoke the truth about her gifts and helped point her towards the mission of Ginger & Peach. In your marriage, when has your husband spoken truth over you and revealed something about who you are to yourself?
     

  4. Do you believe that you are fearfully and wonderfully made? In what areas of your life have you believed the lies from the devil that say you are not loved, not good, and not created with purpose?
     

  5. Rebekah shared how she creates because she is made by God who is a creator. What are some ways you enjoy being creative — and if you can’t think of any, what creative pursuits could you make space for in your daily life?

Ellen Holloway is my guest in this first episode of this Letters to Wives season! She is a Catholic Sexuality and Intimacy Coach and she's helping us learn how to have a great sex life without needing to go to confession.

The Catholic Church is actually incredibly PRO sex and intimacy … but where can you go to learn about the topics you just don’t want to Google? 

We’re talking about what to do when sex isn’t pleasurable for you as a wife and what to do if sex is painful. We’re also covering feeling totally touched out by the end of the day and just wanting to skip sex and go straight to sleep. Plus, we’re talking about how to find answers if you rarely (or never!) orgasm and what it’s like for Ellen to be a Catholic in the world of sexology. 

If you’ve a Catholic wife looking to improve your sex life, but not interested in the kinds of advice you find online, sister, this letter is for you!

Topics we cover:

• Ellen’s story as a Catholic woman

• The origin story of Ellen’s podcast, Charting Towards Intimacy, and how she became a Catholic sexuality and intimacy coach

• Why it’s important to reflect on who taught you about sex and how to bring Jesus into that space

• Why sex should never hurt or be painful and how to find healing for both your body and your soul

• Ellen’s lube recommendations (and why you should leave the coconut oil in the kitchen)

• What to do if you rarely (or never!) orgasm

• Practical tips to start talking with your spouse more about your sex life

• The 10 minute unwind and how it can make a difference if you’re feeling too touched out for sex

• What it’s like for Ellen to be in the field of sexology as a Catholic

• How Ellen lives out the feminine genius in her everyday life as a Catholic wife

Resources for you:

• Listen to the Charting Toward Intimacy podcast

• Follow Ellen on Instagram

• Check out Vines in Full Bloom

• Holy Sex by Dr. Gregory Popcack

• The Orgasm Course for Catholic Women

• Catholic Sex Positions Guide

  ⁠Subscribe to Naptime Notes and get early, ad free access to all the Letters to Women episodes for just $5 a month⁠

Discussion questions:

1. Who taught you about sex when you were in second grade? Do you think this education was appropriate? How did what you learn back then impact what you think about sex now as a wife?
   

2. When you think about your sex life, do you get overwhelmed? What might be the root of your overwhelm—pain during sex? Lack of pleasure? What is one practical thing you can do after this podcast episode to find healing in your sex life with your spouse?
   

3. How often do you talk about sex with your husband? Would having a daily, five minute conversation with your spouse about sex be something you could make a part of your day?
   

4. What would you 10 minute unwind look like in an ideal world? Would it include Scripture, reading, journaling, sitting in the silence? Make a plan for what you’ll do the next time you sit down to unwind at the end of the day.
   

5. Sex is a form of communication. What are some things that you love about your spouse that you want to communicate to them both in and out of the bedroom?

Letters to Women is back with a brand new season: Letters to Wives. This season is inspired by the following line from Saint Pope John Paul II’s ‘Letter to Women’:

Thank you, women who are wives! You irrevocably join your future to that of your husbands, in a relationship of mutual giving, at the service of love and life.

This upcoming season is going to feature conversations on topics like sex and intimacy (and we’re getting into the nitty gritty on this), communication in marriage, what marriage looks like in different seasons, how to strengthen your marriage in hard seasons, when marriage therapy could be helpful for your marriage and how to find a therapist you trust, how to go on a marriage retreat, and I’m sitting down with the owner of a model-free lingerie company to talk about intimacy. And more!!

I’m so excited to welcome brand new of the show on this journey to discover what the feminine genius is and how the Lord is asking us to live it out in our day to day reality as wives.  Resources for you:

• Subscribe to Naptime Notes and get early, ad free access to all the Letters to Women episodes for just $5 a month

In this final episode of the Letters to Mothers season, we’re talking about one of the most difficult challenges you may face as a mother: having the first “talk” with your kids. You know the one—discussing their changing bodies and sex for the first time.

Where do you start? When do you start? How do you have those conversations in a way that makes sure they have the information they need without leaving them feeling overwhelmed or ashamed?

Today I’m speaking with Dr. Julia Sadusky, a clinical psychologist. She’s answering the questions that I have and giving all of us a boost of confidence that we need as we have foundational conversations with our young kids long before they hit puberty.

If you want to be ready to talk with your kids about human sexuality with confidence and clarity, this episode is for you. 

Topics we cover:

• Julia’s story as a Catholic woman

• The origin story of Julia’s new book, Start Talking to Your Kids about Sex: A Practical Guide for Catholics published by Ave Maria Press

• Why we can’t wait until puberty to start talking about sexaulity with our kids

• The barriers that hold us back from conversations about sexuality

• Why it’s important to use accurate medical terms when teaching kids about their genitals (and how it can help prevent abuse and neglect!)

• Explaining where babies come from to our little kids

• What to do if you’re worried you missed your chance to share about human sexuality with your kids

• How Julia lives out the feminine genius in her ordinary daily life (hint: it involves legos!)

Resources for you:

• Pick up a copy of Julia’s new book, Start Talking to Your Kids about Sex: A Practical Guide for Catholics

• Visit Julia’s website

• Follow Julia on Instagram

• Subscribe to Naptime Notes and get early, ad free access to all the Letters to Women episodes for just $5 a month

Discussion questions:

1. Who taught you about human sexaulity as a kid? What were those conversations like for you and how did they shape the way you think about sex and intimacy today?
   

2. Have you had a hard time starting conversations about sex with your kids? What barriers might be holding you back from anticipating and initiating conversations about human sexuality with your kids?
   

3. Was there anything in this conversation with Julia that struck you as a parent? Is there anything you’ll change in your approach to conversations about sexuality with your kids after listening to her advice about sharing with kids the goodness of their body?
   

4. What did you think about Dr. Julia’s advice to use accurate medical terms to teach your kids about their body? Was that modeled for you growing up, or would using medical terms instead of nicknames be a change from your experience as a child?
   

5. What is your vision as a parent for conversations with your kids about sex? What would you love those conversations to look like as your children get older, and what can you do today to start laying the foundation for continued conversations with your kids about sex?

In this seventh episode of the Letters to Mothers season, we’re talking about liturgical living and creating traditions with our families. Is it possible to enter into the rhythms of the church without getting totally overwhelmed? How do you decide which feasts to celebrate, how to create traditions in your domestic church?

Maybe you’ve taken some quick glances through blogs and Pinterest only to be left feeling discouraged or comparing your liturgical living to everyone else out there who seem to have it totally together. But it is possible to discover the joy of the liturgical season and be drawn closer to God in the middle of our daily lives as women and mothers.

If you’re looking for imaginative, effortless, and simple ways to live all of the Church Seasons, this episode with Erica Tighe Campbell is for you.

Topics we cover:

• Erica’s story as a Catholic woman

• The origin story of Erica’s new book, Living the Seasons

• Where to start if you’re feeling overwhelmed when it comes to living the traditions of the church in your home

• What liturgical living has looked like for Erica in different seasons of life

• How to build a domestic church that helps your children enter into the rhythms of the year

• How Erica lives out the feminine genius in her ordinary, daily life as a mother

Resources for you:

• Pick up your own copy of Living the Seasons

• Explore the Be a Heart store

• Follow Be a Heart and Erica on Instagram

• Subscribe to Naptime Notes and get early, ad free access to all the Letters to Women episodes for just $5 a month

Discussion questions:

1. What did living liturgically look like for you growing up? Do you have any favorite family traditions that you continue as an adult?
   

2. Does living liturgically intimidate you? If so, what is one small way you can be more aware of the rhythms of the church calendar this year?
   

3. What is your favorite season of the church calendar? How do you enter into it in your own home?
   

4. What are some ways you can celebrate favorite feast days in your own home?
   

5. It’s tempting to compare our liturgical living to some other woman who “has it all together”—even if that woman only exists in our imagination. She remembers all the feast days, hosts the big Michaelmas party, and everything always looks Pinterest-perfect and beautiful. How can you resist the urge to compare when it comes to the way you live liturgically in you homes and what does it look like to confidently celebrate in a way that works in whatever season of life you find yourself in? 

In this sixth episode of the Letters to Mothers season, we’re talking about infertility. What if you long for physical motherhood and spiritual motherhood feels like a consolation prize, like a second-rate motherhood?

What if you’re experiencing infertility, whether it’s a season of infertility with hope of a positive pregnancy test some day or permanent infertility and you wonder if you have any space in conversations about the feminine genius and motherhood?

Infertility is a burden that most women and couples don’t expect to carry. It can impact your marriage, your relationship with friends and family, and your relationship with God. On top of that, infertility often feels like a lonely and long path. But you aren’t alone. We’re talking about dismantling the lies around infertility, the importance of community in this journey, and how to support your spouse as you carry the cross of infertility together. 

Wherever you are on the path of infertility, if you’re looking for a place of respite, solidarity, and encouragement, this episode of the Letters to Women podcast with Ann Koshute is for you.

Topics we cover:

• Ann’s story as a Catholic woman

• The story of Springs in the Desert

• The importance of language around the experience of infertility

• How infertility impacts marriage and Ann’s advice for processing emotions and grief in the shared experience of infertility

• The importance of community in the experience of infertility and the resources that Springs in the Desert offers

• How to live in the present moment during the experience of infertility

• Simple ways of generosity and how you can be fruitful in your marriage

• What spiritual motherhood means in your life

• Ann’s advice for couples receiving a diagnosis of male infertility and how wives can support their husbands through that diagnosis

• How Ann lives out the feminine genius in her daily life

Resources for you:

• Springs in the Desert

• Springs in the Desert podcast

• Listen to A Letter to the Mother Wondering about Foster Care and Adoption, featuring Kimberly Henkel, co-founder of Springs in the Desert

• Today’s episode is sponsored by Rooted for Good - use the code LETTERS20 to save 20% at checkout

• Become a paid subscriber to Naptime Notes and get early, ad free access to all the Letters to Women episodes for just $5 a month

Discussion questions:

1. Has your experience of infertility left you feeling alone, or like you don’t belong? What is one practical resolution you can make today to connect with other women experiencing infertility?
   

2. How has infertility impacted your marriage? Have you struggled with objectifying your spouse or reducing sex to a means to an end of conceiving a child together?
   

3. In your experience with infertility, have you given in to despair or the belief that God has forgotten you, doesn’t love you, or is punishing you? How can you reject those lies, and who in your life can speak truth over you that you are a beloved daughter of God who is remembered and known?
   

4. How do you deal with the stress of experiencing infertility? What are some healthy ways that you can process the emotions around this cross and
   

5. Do you find it challenging to take things day by day in your experience with infertility? What are ways that you can surrender the past, trust God with the future, and be present to the now?

In this fifth episode of the Letters to Mothers season, we’re talking about mothering our babies who we’ve lost in miscarriage, still birth, and infant loss. Losing a child is heartbreaking and devastating. For mothers who lose a child before or shortly after birth, this grief comes with distinct, sudden, and difficult questions about God, the Church, and who they are now as parents to the child they have lost.

If you’re looking for a companion and guide through those har medical, theological, and practical questions, whether you’re a mother who has lost her baby or you’re a friend, family member, or medical professional who supports parents through that loss, this episode of the Letters to Women podcast with Dr. Abigail Jorgensen is for you.

Topics we cover:

• Abby’s story as as Catholic woman

• The origin story of Abby’s new book, A Catholic Guide to Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss: Compassionate Answers to Difficult Questions

• A brief overview of miscarriage, still birth, and infant loss, and what the postpartum experiences can look like for mothers in each experience

• Abby’s favorite question to ask her clients as a bereavement doula

• What the Catholic Church teaches us about our hope for Heaven for children we’ve lost through miscarriage, still birth, or infant loss

• How to grieve together and separately as loss parents

• How to wrestle with the reality that God is all powerful, all good, and yet our babies still die

• Whether or not you can flush during a miscarriage

• How Abby lives out the feminine genius in her ordinary life as a mother

Resources for you:

• Pick up a copy of Abby’s new book, A Catholic Guide to Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss

• If you want to learn more about Abby’s work as a sociologist, explore her website here

• If you want to learn more about Abby’s work as a Catholic bereavement doula, explore this website

• To discuss grief ministry training with Abby, reach out to her through Haven Bereavement Doulas

• Today’s episode is sponsored by Monks Bread - use the code LETTERS10 to save 10% at checkout

• Become a paid subscriber to Naptime Notes and get early, ad free access to all the Letters to Women episodes for just $5 a month

Discussion questions:

1. Have you lost a child through miscarriage, still birth, or infant loss? What has your experience of mothering your child or children who have died look like for you'?
   

2. How has losing a child through miscarriage, still birth, or infant loss impacted your relationship with the Lord? What are some moments of desolation and consolation you’ve experienced during the grieving process?
   

3. Have you felt angry at God during your grieving process? Have you felt guilt for feeling anger? How did hearing Abby share about allowing ourselves to grieve and be angry impact you?
   

4. Today, how are you parenting the child or children you’ve lost? What are some ways you can honor the memory of their short life here on earth while looking forward with hope to
   

5. What are some ways that you can support friends and family who are grieving the loss of their child? What does it look like as a Church and parish community to support grieving parents?

In this fourth episode of the Letters to Mothers series, Johanna Seagren joins me to discuss emotional regulation, our interior life, and burnout in our motherhood.

Parenting is hard work, and sometimes it’s louder, messier, more complicated, and packed with tantrums (yours included) than you expected.

So many times, we end up exhausted and feeling like this can’t be the vision that God had for your family. We’re diving into a conversation about what it means to be an emotionally-healthy family without losing your mind.

If you’re ready to understand your own emotional triggers, learn how to connect with your kids instead of reacting to their big feelings, and grow closer to each other and God, this episode is for you.

Topics we cover:

• Johanna’s story as a Catholic woman

• Why Johanna created the Interior Kingdom as an emotional regulation program for her family and what Catholic families will find inside the program

• What the Catholic Church teaches about emotions and what it looks like to grow in our awareness of our emotions as adults

• The things that set Interior Kingdom apart from the calm kits and calm down spaces you’ve seen on Instagram

• How to become curious about the triggers (unmet needs!) in your parenting

• The reason that Interior Kingdom is for every family, regardless of your kids’ ages, abilities, and temperaments

• How Johanna lives out the feminine genius in her daily life as a Catholic mother

Resources for you:

• Explore the Interior Kingdom program (and use the code LTW25 for $25 off the program now through April 10, 2024!)

• Today’s episode sponsor is Rooted for Good! Use the code Letters20 for 20% off your order at checkout

• Check out my monthly newsletter, Naptime Notes

Questions for discussion:

1. What have been some moments of disregulation in your motherhood? And on the flip side, what have been some moments of peace, regulation, and rest in your parenting journey?

2. When you were a child, what did your parents teach you about emotions? Do you feel confident in your understanding of emotions or is there room for growth?

3. What are some of your triggers (unmet needs) in your motherhood and how can you begin to meet those needs and invite the Lord into those unmet needs?

4. Have you ever felt guilty for anger in your motherhood? How did Johanna’s explanation of anger impact your understanding of emotions you may have labeled as “bad” before?

5. How can learning more about your emotions as a mother impact the way that you parent and live out the feminine genius in your daily life?

In this third episode of the Letters to Mothers series, Kimberly Henkel of Springs of Love joins me to discuss foster care and adoption.

We’re talking about how Kimberly and her husband Greg discerned the call to foster care. We’re also busting myths around adoption that might be holding you back from discerning that call as a family, and both of us are sharing our experiences as adoptive mothers. 

Whether you’re exploring the possibility of adoption or foster care, you’re already an adoptive or foster mother, or you’re wondering how to better support adoptive and foster families in your community, this letter is for you.

Topics we cover:

• Kimberly’s story as a Catholic woman

• How Kimberly and Greg discerned the Lord’s call to foster care and adoption

• The origin story of Springs of Love, Kimberly and Greg’s ministry that encourages, educates, and equips Catholics to discern and live out the call to foster and adopt

• The differences between foster care and adoption

• Spiritual maternity and the adoption triad

• Kimberly’s advice to couples hesitant to discern foster care or adoption because of the cost

• Why open adoptions can be healthy for everyone involved in the adoption triad

  
  

  Resources for you:

• Find Springs of Love online

• Watch the Springs of Love video series

• Ten Myths about Adoption from the Springs of Love website

• Check out my monthly newsletter, Naptime Notes

  Discussion questions:

1. Have you felt called by the Lord to discern growing your family through adoption or fostering children? What has that discernment looked like for you both as an individual and in your marriage?

2. What myth surrounding adoption that Kimberly mentioned in the show is something you’ve believed to be true before?

3. Romans 8:15 says that “You did not receive a spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you received a spirit of adoption, through which we call ‘Abba, Father!’” How does reflecting on this theological reality of adoption in all of our lives as children of God through baptism impact the way you think about adoption and foster care?

4. What are ways that you can accompany birth mothers and families in the adoption triad?

5. Does your parish community support adoptive and foster families well? What are things you can do to encourage a culture of life for families who are called to foster or adopt?