Learn to use your mind as it is designed to work!

The BEING HAPPY PODCAST #006 In this episode you will learn:

• why your mind cannot work on the reverse of an idea. (For example, telling yourself “DON’T screw up” or “I DON’T want to be broke” is a recipe for disaster.)
• the simple reason why most people fail.
• what all successful people – singers, athletes, speakers, entertainers, entrepreneurs – have in common and how you can be like them.

Mentioned in this podcast:

• Join me on Facebook! Andrew Matthews – Author

Click here to subscribe via iTunes Click here to subscribe via RSS

Mentioned in this podcast:

• Join me on Facebook! Andrew Matthews – Author

Click to purchase hardcopy or Kindle. Click here to subscribe via iTunes Click here to subscribe via RSS

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The Being Happy Podcast #06

The Most Important Thing That You Were Never Taught in School

When I was a kid there was no such thing as a digital watch. There were no plastic watches!

A watch was a piece of machinery. You bought it from a jeweler. The jeweler probably got it from Switzerland!

Owning a watch meant you were grown up, you were responsible.

On my tenth birthday my grandfather came to dinner … and he gave me a watch.

I put it on my wrist. I told myself, “This is the most beautiful thing I have ever owned.” I told myself,  “Don’t break it.” I just kept looking at it 6.46, 6.47, 6.48 … all through dinner 7.10, 7.11, 7.12 and 35 seconds.

You see, it even had a minute hand – it was red. I was so proud.

My bed time was eight o’clock. After dinner I had my shower.. I checked the time – it was 7.42.

I didn’t want to get my brand new watch wet. I told myself, “Don’t damage it.” So I put it by the sink, next to my pajamas. I showered and I dried myself – and as I grabbed my pajamas, I somehow flicked my watch off the bench top and I can see it now, in slow motion as it fell face-down on the hard floor.

Smashed it. The time – at which it stopped – was 7.50.

I waited ten years for my first watch. It took me exactly one hour and four minutes to smash it. It was shattered. I was shattered. And I wondered, “How can life be so cruel?” Even though I kept telling myself all the while, don’t break it!

But I’m not alone …

Has this ever happened to someone you know … or to you?

You drive an old wreck for ten years and you never even dent it. You save up. And finally you buy a new car.

Now you are telling yourself, “Don’t damage it.”

You even start parking your car in safer places and you tell yourself, “I don’t want anything to happen to my beautiful new set of wheels!”

And the second day you have it, you are driving into a parking lot that you have used a hundred times before – and you smash your right headlight on the gate post.

And all the while you were telling yourself, “Don’t damage your car!”

Or do you relate to this?

You borrowed a book from your best friend – and now she wants it back. In fact, she has already asked you twice to return it and now she is angry.

You are meeting for coffee later today. You tell yourself, don’t forget the book. Don’t forget the book. You put it on the kitchen table with your house keys.

An hour later you meet her in Starbucks and she says, “Where’s my book?”

It’s on the kitchen table!

Why, when you told yourself “Don’t forget!”?

Can you see a pattern here? When you tell yourself not to do something, you do exactly what you told yourself not to do.

Don’t break it, don’t scratch it, don’t forget it!

What about don’t spill it?

You are eating Italian. You are wearing your best white linen shirt. Now, you are an adult. You don’t spill much food anymore.

But just in case, you tell yourself, “Don’t spill spaghetti bolognaise all down your … oh damn it!” It’s all over you!

The Reverse of an Idea

So the question is, “Why does this happen?”

It is because our mind works on pictures. When you give your mind a picture, your mind delivers.

When you say, “Don’t forget”, your mind has a picture of you doing what? Forgetting! So that is what you get.

Your mind CANNOT, DOES NOT, WILL NOT operate on the reverse of an idea. I’ll prove it to you.

I am going to tell you not to do something … “Don’t think of an elephant.”

What are you thinking of?

You see, you must always give your mind the thought/ picture of what you want.

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See it this way: you are in a restaurant. The waitress says to you, “Can I help you?”

And you say, “Yes, I don’t want a hamburger!”

Wouldn’t that be stupid! And yet, we use that language on ourselves.

Have you ever heard anyone say, “I don’t want to be broke!” “I don’t want to be lonely.” “I don’t want to be fat.”

They continue to plant pictures in their minds of what they don’t want and they wonder why life is so hard.

If you think, “I WANT THAT”, you move toward WHAT YOU WANT.

If you think, “I DON’T WANT THAT”, you move toward WHAT YOU DON’T WANT.

This is probably the most important thing that you were never taught in school.

Why? Because your teachers – and your parents – mostly, didn’t understand this. So they told you:

•    “Don’t break the window.”
•    “Don’t fall out of the tree.”

You need to plant safety in kid’s minds, “Climb safely. Be careful.”

Advertisers mostly don’t understand this. So they make TV ads that tell you,

• “Don’t forget!”
• “Don’t miss out.”
• “Don’t drink and drive.”

You say, “Well, advertisements seem to work.” They could work better!

If you are a parent or a teacher or a coach or an advertiser, you need to plant pictures in people’s minds of what they need to do.

• Remember!
• Be there!
• Drive sober!You say, “So does anyone understand this principle?”

Absolutely. High achievers understand – and so they focus on what they want.

Some people do it automatically, some figured it out for themselves, some had coaching.

Top performers, that is, singers, musicians, Wimbledon champions, golf champions, leading coaches, entrepreneurs, managers, top sales people all know this and it is precisely why they achieve.

Here’s what all racing drivers know … when you lose control of your car and you are about to hit a wall at 200 kilometres an hour, you MUST keep your eyes focused on where you want your car to go. Keep looking at where you want your car to go and your subconscious can arrange the rest.

Focus on the wall and you hit the wall.

This is not simply positive thinking. It’s about how your subconscious delivers.

Focus on what you want.

And at this point, some people will still argue, “Andrew, you are just being technical. Telling myself, “I want to be successful” and telling myself “I don’t want be a failure” are basically the same thing.

Telling myself “I want to be slim” and telling myself “I don’t want to be fat” are basically the same thing.

“Remember” and “don’t forget” … surely they are basically the same thing!”

NOT EVEN CLOSE! They are a million miles apart. They are complete opposites which is why some people continue to achieve their goals and many live lives of quiet desperation.

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Lots of people – especially guys – are fascinated by sport. They will watch anything – football, bowling, ping pong – even cricket, which can last up to five days and often ends in a draw!

And we might ask, “Who cares and why is sport fascinating?”

Here’s why I am fascinated by sport. Sport gives you instant feedback on how an athlete is thinking. And when you are playing, you get instant feedback on how you are thinking. For example if you tell yourself, “Don’t miss it!”

And in any sport, fear, courage, intention, self-belief, show up on the scoreboard almost instantly.

Sport teaches us about the power of thought.

How often have you seen this? Your favorite football team is absolutely thrashing the city that you most love to beat. You’re ecstatic. And then, with fifteen minutes to go, what happens?

They get so far in front, they start playing not to lose and they get smashed in the last ten minutes.

You can’t win a game by trying not to lose. You can’t succeed in life by trying not to lose.

So What Makes a Champion?

Ordinary golfers can sink some great puts – during practice.

Average footballers and basketballers can score some great goals – when there is no pressure.

But when the pressure is really on, ordinary athletes begin to tell themselves, “Don’t miss it, don’t screw it up, don’t hit a double fault.”

There’s a name for it and it is called “choking”.

Meanwhile the champions – the Roger Federer’s and the the Usain Bolt’s of the world – are telling themselves – “I have got this. This one is mine!”

What defines a champion? Champions focus on what they want.

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You say, “Aren’t we talking about confidence?” Yes, but confidence is just a label.

It’s all about the thoughts that you have because you are confident.

So what do you do?

Always, always, always give your mind a positive target.

Here are targets that don’t work:

“Don’t forget the book.”
“I don’t want to be fat.”
“I don’t want to be broke.”
“Don’t be nervous!”

And here are thoughts that do work:

“I will remember my book.”
“I am getting slimmer every day.”
“I always have enough money.”
“I am relaxed.”

Play Mental Movies

And here’s the good news – you can take this a step further.

Not only can you use positive self-talk. You play mental movies of your own success.

That’s why all the great singers, athletes, speakers, managers practise in their imagination. It is called “mental rehearsal”.

How do they rehearse? They practise being perfect in their mind.

So how do we use these mental movies?

Public Speaking

Let’s imagine that you have a “nervous pattern” where you can’t speak in public.

Whenever you try to speak in public, you stand up but your mind sits down!

You shake, you sweat, and nothing comes out of your mouth – all because you have been feeding your mind bad pictures.

So now, you begin to play mental movies of the confident new you. You regularly picture yourself standing in front of a group with a big smile on your face.

You see yourself speaking effortlessly.

Now some people can close their eyes and see things and some people will say, “I can’t see anything!” It makes no difference. You don’t actually have to see things but you can feel them, think them.

So you begin to see yourself in front of a group – relaxed like people you have seen on television – or confident like friends of yours who seem to handle any situation. In this imaginary movie you are happy, relaxed and in control.

As you start to play these mental movies your old pattern will begin to fight you. It will be whispering, “This isn’t right. This isn’t you. You should be wetting yourself!”

But keep playing the positive mental movies and you’ll see more and more of the new you.

This is how it happens:

• The first day you play the new movie in your head, it seems ridiculous.
• After a week of playing the movie, it still seems hard to believe.
• After a month, it seems possible – but not that likely.
• After a couple of months, it feels comfortable.
• Give it a little more time, and it feels like you. It is no big deal.

You may have doubts or scary moments. But keep playing those movies in your head. Each time you stand up to speak it will be easier and easier.

Eventually you’ll become so confident, you’ll forget you even had a problem.
Successful people aren’t super-human. They just know how to use their mind. They do this automatically.

Now you might say, “This pretending in your imagination, this is child’s stuff!”

Precisely!

As a child you used your imagination like this. This is why kids learn so fast!

The problem is we grow up. We become sophisticated and intellectual. We stop using what comes naturally. We stop using what works.

So if we are sophisticated and intellectual we might dismiss these childlike techniques – so we stay sophisticated and intellectual, but we also we stay stuck for the rest of our lives.

Many people spend their whole lives with their mind stuck in reverse!

If you think about what you don’t want, you get more of what you don’t want.

When you focus on what you do want, you give yourself your best chance … in every relationship, interview, piano recital, tennis match, examination, speech. You drive more safely, you stay more healthy.

Now you are simply using your mind the way it is meant to work.

Focus on what you want. You become what you think about.

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I expand on these principles in my books – in particular in Being Happy! and in How Life Works.

If you are enjoying these podcasts, please share them with your friends – share them on Facebook and post your comments on iTunes. Your comments help to keep these podcasts visible in Google and iTunes.

Also, join me on Facebook at Andrew Matthews – Author – I post happiness tips and cartoons.

My next podcast, #7, is on Happy Relationships. Until next time I wish you success and happiness.

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The post Session #6: The most important thing you were never taught in school appeared first on ANDREW MATTHEWS.

When you fight life, life always wins! The first step toward the life you want is accepting where you are. Find out why!

The BEING HAPPY PODCAST #005 In this episode you will learn

• About John, who lost his house, his business, his fancy cars and more – and is now happier than he has ever been.
• Why you must accept where you are before you can get where you want to go.
• How happy people are more flexible – and how you can be like them, and
• What Danny DeVito can teach us all.

Mentioned in this podcast:

• Join me on Facebook! Andrew Matthews – Author

Click here to subscribe via iTunes Click here to subscribe via RSS

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The Being Happy Podcast #5:

Acceptance

When I was a kid, I was unusually small. I hated it. At 12 I was the size of an eight-year-old.

Everybody makes jokes about the smallest kid in the class.

When you are a guy, you want to be big and tough – you want to be a man!

In primary school – or grade school – the bigger guys used to pick me up and throw me over the fence.

I remember the day I started high school – Victor Harbor High School. I walked around the entire school looking for a kid – any kid – that was smaller than me. Not one.

I was smaller than all the boys – and I was shorter than all the girls.

I went home and told my Mum, “I am the smallest kid in high school. I hate it.”

She said, “Don’t worry, wait until next year!” My Mum said, “When you are in second year high school, some of the new kids are bound to be smaller than you.”

So I hung on – waited a year. Meanwhile the big kids continued to throw me over the fence.

And next year, when I was in second year, 120 new kids arrived from all the surrounding towns – and I walked around the whole school looking for one kid that might be smaller.

No. I was still the smallest kid in school.

I went home and told my Mum – “I’m still the smallest! I hate it!”

And I told her about Tony Ferguson who used to turn me upside down and drop me in puddles.

And my Mum said, “Wait another next year. When you are in third year high school, there will have to be some kids that are smaller than you.”

So I waited another year. And my first day of third year, I walked around the entire school looking for one kid, just one who was smaller than me. I was still the shortest.

And everybody still made jokes about little Andrew. I hated it. I went home and told my poor Mum.

What could she say?

So she sat me down and she explained to me that there are some things in life that you can change and some you can’t.

She said, “You accept what you can’t change and go to work on the rest.”

Well it was about that time that I began to grow into a normal sized human – so didn’t really take much notice of my mother.

But guess what I have discovered.  Happy people – and successful people – all seem to know about my mother’s advice.

Life works when you:

• accept yourself
• when you accept your circumstances
• when you accept other people as they are
• and when we accept the world as it is – which makes sense because it is the only one we have got.

And you might say, “Well, accepting myself, accepting my circumstances, accepting other people as they are sounds like giving up! And shouldn’t we have standards?”

It’s not about standards, it’s about embracing reality.

You first accept what is. Then you go to work on improving whatever you can.

Lots of people admire Hollywood stars that are born perfect.

I admire Danny DeVito … four feet ten inches tall (1.47 metres). The star of films like One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Ruthless People, LA Confidential … he is a producer, he’s a director … he’s funny. He’s an inspiration!

Imagine Danny DeVito’s career if he had been angry and bitter – there would be no career!

Here is the good news, most things about yourself you can change …

It’s hard to change your height.

It’s not easy to change your parents.

But you can change your habits.

You can go to work on your self-image.

You can change what you eat.

You can develop your skills.

You can improve your relationships.

You can change your bank balance.

You can change your friends, you can learn to make more friends. And you can change your attitude.

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Let’s talk about:

Accepting Yourself

Imagine that you’re overweight and you want to become thin. If you say:

1. I’m not fat, or
2. it’s my mother’s fault that I am fat, or
3. my sister is fatter

what happens? You stay fat.

Then there is option d) I’m fat and I hate myself.

That doesn’t help either – when you hate yourself – when you refuse to accept yourself – you feel you deserve to be punished – so you stay fat – and you suffer in other ways.

But then there is option e) I am fat. I like myself whether I’m fat or not. And I now choose to lose 50 kilos. In other words you begin with acceptance.

Now you can move forward.

Perhaps you are broke right now. Perhaps you have lost your job or lost a loved one. Maybe you are sick.  You say, “I just don’t know what to do.”

Here is the first thing to do – and the only thing to do. You accept where you are.

To turn things around you first make peace with your situation. Forget about blame, forget about guilt, forget the “what if’s”.  Progress depends on acceptance.

Acceptance doesn’t mean, “I want to stay here”.

Acceptance means, “This is where I am – and now I move on to what I want.”

So instead of saying, “My husband behaves like an angry gorilla and I’m stuck with him. I should have married someone else.”, it is more like, “I married an angry gorilla.  What a perfect learning experience!  I now realize I deserve better treatment.”

Let’s say that you invested all your money with your cousin Billy and he lost the lot.

Instead of beating yourself up, saying, “I’ve lost all my money. How could I have been so stupid?”, you say, “I am where I am. I made it once, I’ll make it again.”

Again, acceptance isn’t giving up.  Acceptance is recognition that “this is a part of my journey”.

Acceptance very often it means, “Right now I have absolutely no idea why this had to be a part of my journey but I embrace it anyway.”

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Michael

I learn so much from my wife, Julie.

Her son, Michael – my step-son – was badly brain-injured in a car accident in 1987. We have buy ambien zolpidem online spent the last 29 years teaching him to speak. He still struggles.

Michael has severe short-term memory loss. Michael will never ever hold down a regular job. His life now is very different to the one that we all planned.

Guys that Michael went to school with are lawyers and bankers.

People say to Julie, “How do you deal with it?”

And Julie’s reply is always, “Michael is a loving son, he is kind, he is as generous as anyone that you will ever meet.”

Again, acceptance. Focus on the good things.

What is the alternative? Be sad. Be bitter?

John

I have a friend called John.

Ten years ago, John had a big business, a big house, big cars, he had a big art collection, had a wife with big diamonds, they had big parties …

John sold his big business to a big company that didn’t pay their final big instalment.

He spent half his fortune in a big legal case – and the other half on a big divorce.

Today John has a small apartment, and a small dog.

John went through a lot of stress – and alcohol!

His life today is very different to the life he had ten years ago.

And I saw him last week in the supermarket – in the yogurt department.

And you know what? He is happier than he has ever been.

John would never have chosen to go through all that – we never ever WANT to go through what we need to go through to become the kind of person we want to become.

But here’s what John told me about how he sees his life now. He said:

• “I don’t have to impress people”.

• He said, “My life looks different today to the life I had ten years ago – and that is okay”.

• He said, “There is a time for everything”.

Perhaps John has something to teach us all.

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Accepting Other People

What is it that everyone wants? To be accepted. To be accepted by a lover, a family, a club …

Why is it that we are so obsessed with finding love?

Because when we are loved, we are accepted.

You spend 25 years consumed by the belief that “I should be better. I should be richer, I should be smarter, I should be taller, I should be more successful.”

Then you fall in love. Finally you have found someone who says, “You are wonderful just as you are.”

What a relief! “I am accepted.”

Finally you have someone that doesn’t want to change you … yet.

Acceptance – it is the greatest gift you can give yourself.

It is the greatest gift you can give to a friend, “I love you as you are.”

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Be Flexible

Think of the happiest people you know.

They are probably more flexible than other people you know.

• They don’t expect everybody to agree with them.
• They don’t demand that life is perfectly predictable.
• They don’t get angry about things that have already happened.

Here’s a word that miserable people can’t wait to use: “should” …

• My husband should appreciate me.
• The government should do something.
• I should have invested in Apple or Google.
• There shouldn’t be so much traffic!
• It shouldn’t be raining.
• I should have married her sister!

Unhappy people like to argue with reality. It’s a recipe for misery.

Happy people are more flexible, more accepting.

Instead of making demands on life and people, have preferences.

You say, “I CHOOSE to be happy.” You ACCEPT that there will always be people who are:

• angry
• rude
• ungrateful
• work less than you
• or make more money than you.

Having preferences means we say:

• I prefer that the neighbours to be quiet – but if they make a noise, I can handle it.
• I prefer to have money – but whenever I am short, it is OK.
• I prefer that people see my point of view – but when they don’t, it is OK.

You have preferences about the outcome of your plans, but you accept whatever happens.

Once you recognise that your ultimate goal is peace of mind, you decide to be less rigid.

Some people will tell you the world is terrible – and getting worse. And that is their excuse to do nothing! They are the guys who give up.

People who change the world – the great humanitarians like Mother Teresa, the great leaders like Nelson Mandela, they embrace the world as it is – and then set out to make it better.

That’s what we can all do – work on improving our little corner of the world.

Practising Acceptance

You say, “So how do I practise acceptance?

Try this: every morning when you wake up, say “This is perfect.  Where I am is perfect. All my mistakes are perfect.

My life until now has been the perfect preparation to graduate to something better.”

Does the word “perfect” seem a little extreme? Then try using the word “okay”.

“Where I am is okay. My life until now has been ideal preparation to move on to something better.”

Whenever things seem to go wrong, like, you miss a flight, you lose your house keys, you miss out on a promotion, tell yourself, “I don’t know why but this is okay!”

And then, look for reasons to be happy now.

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You say, “So Andrew, is it that you are talking about being tolerant?”
NO! Tolerance is being unhappy and keeping your mouth shut.”
Acceptance is embracing what is. Embracing reality.

What happens when you accept what IS? Your life changes.

You argue less, you quit trying to make other people wrong, you quit complaining. Frustration dissolves into fascination.

You look for good things in your life, and as you look for good things, life heaps more good things upon you. Friends, lovers, opportunities appear almost magically.

Why? Because when your thoughts change, your life changes. You begin to create and attract different circumstances.

You begin to get the feeling that the Universe is plotting to make you happy.

To have a beautiful life you don’t have to know everything and you don’t even have to be very smart!

It is more about accepting where you are, seeing the best in people, making an effort each day and believing that life will turn out well.

My Next Podcast:

My next podcast, number 6 is a surprise – I am not telling you what it is but I will tell you this …

It is the ONE most important thing that you were never taught in school about HOW YOUR MIND WORKS.

If you listen to the next podcast – and if you use this one principle, it will transform your performance in every interview, speech, sales call, every examination that you ever do, it will make you a safer driver, it will make you healthier and wealthier …

If you have ever wondered, “Why do I keep making the same mistakes?” this is the podcast for you.

One simple piece of information that can be the difference between success and failure.

It is breathtaking how few people understand what I am going to share with you in Podcast 6.

Until then, I wish you success and happiness.

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We think we know what is good for us. We think we know what is good for other people! But do we? So often, what we thought was a very bad thing, turns out to be a good thing!

In this podcast we take a fresh look at things we call “disasters”.

In this episode you will learn

• About an ancient Chinese story that helps us to see “disasters” very differently
• Why one man said, “Contracting HIV is the best thing that could have happened to me!”
• Why we learn much more from failure than success.

Mentioned in this podcast

Click to purchase on Kindle.   Click to purchase hard copy with free international shipping. 

Links mentioned in this podcast

• Join me on Facebook! Andrew Matthews – Author

Click here to subscribe via iTunes Click here to subscribe via RSS

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The Being Happy! Podcast #4

Dealing with Disasters

This is podcast number 4: “Dealing with Disasters”.

I have three thoughts about things we call disasters:

Firstly, often something looks like a disaster. Looking back we see it wasn’t.

Has that ever happened to you where what you thought was the worst thing turned out to be a good thing.

Secondly … we learn the most when life get tough – which means that problems – and disasters – aren’t all bad.

The third thing I notice is that happy and effective people look at  tough situations differently. We can learn from them.

How often do you hear of a story like this?

Fred and Mary are engaged to be married.

The church is booked. The dress is made. The wedding invitations have been sent out. The honeymoon is all paid for.

At which point Fred tells Mary, “I’m in love with Jennifer.”

Mary is inconsolable. This is the disaster to end all disasters! The shame, the trauma, the expense! Mary wants to die.

Six months later, Mary meets Bill – who is everything that Fred wasn’t. Within two years Bill and Mary are married with a baby girl!

Mary looks back and laughs, “I can’t believe that I ever wanted to spend my whole  life with Fred!”

Mary completes a psychology degree, majoring in relationship counselling – her life’s mission is now helping couples find happiness together.

So what does Mary say about the dream wedding to Fred that got cancelled at the last minute?

She says, “I discovered strength I didn’t know I had. If not for that, I wouldn’t have the career I have now – and I would never have found Bill.”

So was it really a disaster that Fred ran off with Jennifer?”

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How often do you hear this kind of story?

Jim works in a bank for 12 years, then suddenly he is made redundant. Sacked!

His Mom says, “This is a disaster!”

Jim applies for 20 jobs and doesn’t even make it to a first interview.

His Dad says, “This is terrible!” Jim is now down to his last $100.

Out of desperation – Jim starts building websites for friends for a few dollars. He gets better. Hey builds some sites for neighbours. Then for strangers. Soon enough Jim realises that he has a little business!

Jim has his challenges. Some people don’t pay their bills. But Jim is happier than he has ever been!

For the first time in his life Jim is his own boss, and doing what he really loves. His life has new meaning and excitement – all out of apparent disaster.

There is an ancient Chinese story – you may know it. Not a week goes by that I don’t think about this story. So even if you have heard it, I want to remind you about it …

There once lived a farmer. He had a son and a horse. One day the farmer’s horse ran away, and all his neighbours came to console him, saying: “What bad luck that your horse has run away!”

And the old man replied: “Who knows if it’s good luck or bad luck.”

“Of course it’s bad luck!” said the neighbours.

Within a week, the farmer’s horse returned home, followed by twenty wild horses. The farmer’s neighbours all came to celebrate, saying: “What good luck that your horse has come home followed by twenty other horses!”

And the old man replied: “Who knows if it’s good luck or bad luck!” And of course the neighbours said, “This old guy is crazy! Anyone would know that it is bad luck!”

The next day the farmer’s son was riding amongst the wild horses, and fell and broke his leg. The neighbours came to console him, saying: “What bad luck!”

And the farmer said: “Who knows if it’s good or bad luck!”

And some of the neighbours were angry, saying: “Of course it’s bad luck, you silly old fool!”

Another week went by, and an army came through town, enlisting all the fit young men to fight in distant lands. The farmer’s son, with his broken leg, was left behind. All the neighbours came to celebrate, saying: “What good luck that your son was left behind!”

And the farmer said: “Who knows?”

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We think we know what is best for us, we think we know what is best for other people. But do we?

We miss a flight, we lose our job, a relationship falls apart. We say, “This is disastrous”. But is it?

You say, “But some things are definitely BAD – like what if you catch a terrible disease.”

I wrote a book called Happiness in Hard Times that featured stories of extraordinary people who bounced back from tragedy and disappointment.

This is Craig’s story from the book, Happiness in Hard Times – I have abbreviated it here. The longer version is in the book.

Craig wrote:

Dad kicked Mum, my two sisters and me out of the house when I was four. We left with nothing but our clothes and lived in a caravan. (For Americans, a caravan is a little trailer on wheels).

We tried going back once, only to be thrown out again. As a child, I never felt good enough.

As a teenager I was awkward and insecure. I had panic attacks, I let people walk all over me. Alcohol numbed the pain and gave me some confidence.

I began to mix with a “cool” crowd in bars and nightclubs – I felt like part of a “family”. We did drugs like cocaine, ecstasy, marijuana and LSD.

At 19 my doctor told me, “You’ve got HIV. You’ve got five, maybe ten years to live. Go live your life.”

I was stunned! But I remember walking out of that hospital and saying to myself, this HIV isn’t going to get me…EVER.”

HIV shocked me to my senses and I began to look inside myself. I got enormous help from Louise Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life. I learned to use positive affirmations.

I quit taking life–and myself–so seriously.

I didn’t tell my family until about 10 years into my diagnosis. They were devastated but very supportive, and they still are.

Learning to love myself and choosing to forgive other people, changed my life. Nowadays, I feel comfortable in my own skin, I have self-confidence and I don’t take crap.

I enjoy the simple things in life. I like who I am. When you like who you are you are happy.

I’ve been HIV positive for 24 years now. It is the best thing that could have happened to me. I was self-destructing. If I hadn’t contracted HIV, I would have ended up dead in some gutter.

I am now studying to help others in similar situations to my own. My philosophy is:

• take nothing for granted
• giving is more important than receiving
• anything is possible.

HIV has been my greatest teacher and blessing.

That’s Craig’s story – and I am not sure that, in Craig’s circumstances, I would be as brave or as positive as Craig.

But I get inspired by Craig – and people like him.

Craig shows us that there is life – and often a better life – after tragedy and disappointment.

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Disasters often force us to take action!

We learn most when life hits us over the back of the head!

Why? Because it’s easier not to change. So we keep doing what we’re doing until we hit a brick wall.

Take our health for example. When do we usually change diets or start exercising?   When our body is falling apart – when the doctor says: “If you don’t change your diet, if you don’t get regular exercise, you won’t even be here in 5 years.

Suddenly we say, “That would motivate me!”

In relationships – when do we usually tell each other how much we care? Isn’t it during disasters? When the marriage is falling apart, when the family is falling apart!

In school – when do we finally knuckle down and study? When we’re about to fail.

In business – when do we try new ideas and make the tough decisions? When we are going broke. When do we finally learn about customer service? After the customers have left!

When do we get a burglar alarm? After we have lost everything.

When do we back up our computers? After we have lost everything.

We learn our biggest lessons when things get rough.

When have you made the most important decisions in your life? When you were on your knees – after disasters, after knock-backs, when you’ve been kicked in the head.

That’s when we say to ourselves: “I’m sick of being broke, sick of being kicked around. I’m tired of being mediocre. I’m going to do something with my life.”

Success we celebrate – but we don’t learn too much.

Failure hurts – and that’s when we get educated.

Looking back, we usually notice that things we thought were “disasters” were turning points.

music

We find in life what we look for. If you look for faults in your job, or in your boyfriend, or where you live, you find them.

If you look for good things in your work, or in your kids, or your life, you find them.

The same is true for disasters. Even within disasters you can find good things.

What do effective people do during disasters. They ask themselves, “What’s good about this situation?”

You say, “What if I am broke? What’s good about being broke?”

There’s good things about being broke.

• you learn to budget
• you develop character
• you find out who your friends are
• and you probably set some goals.

You break your leg. You say, “What’s possibly good about that?”

• you get to rest
• you get to read some great books
• you get to watch all those classic movies that you have never had time to watch
• you learn to empathise with sick people.

Here’s what I have come to believe – that it is not what happens to us that matters so much – as what we think about what happens to us.

If you expect things to work out, no matter how bad they seem, you will find a way through.

You miss a flight, you say: “This is terrible. I’m in a hurry. People are waiting for me in Hong Kong. I have to be on that flight.”

While you stay with that thought pattern, people will trip over you, spill coffee in your lap and lose your baggage.

When you fight life, life always wins.

The minute you say: “There are no accidents in my life. I am where I am meant to be,” that’s when things start to improve. You meet an old friend, you make a new friend, you take time to read a book and life gets better.

Taking the logical point of view doesn’t always work. You apply for a job, and miss out. If you tell yourself: “That was my job. I had the qualifications and the experience and now my life is ruined,” you can be a wreck.

You can be a wreck for a week or if you want, a lifetime. You can argue your case with wonderful logical reasoning. Your argument will work but your life won’t, because life isn’t logical!

What do effective people say? They say something like, “I have no idea why I didn’t get score that job, contract, opportunity, promotion, husband … but I choose to believe that something better is coming.

So how important is attitude?

Take two ladies, Anne and Jane. Both get divorced at 50.
Anne says, “My life is over.”
Jane says, “My life has just begun.”

Who will blossom?

It is not what happens to you that matters most.

It is how you respond to what happens to you.

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I have been getting lots of emails and Facebook messages asking me, “where can I buy your books.”

Because my books are in 42 languages – and published by many different publishers – there is not one answer.

But here are two answers that may be helpful to you if you are looking for English books.

If you like e-books then amazon kindle is a convenient option – and there is a link on my website.

If you want hardcopies, one solution is The Book Depository.

The Book Depository is an online store, based in the UK and it ships free to 100 countries. So if you want a hard copy and you can’t find my books in your local store visit The Book Depository – there is a link on my website www.andrewmatthews.com – look under podcast #4.

My next podcast #5 – is about Acceptance.

The first step to happiness is accepting where you are – which is a whole lot easier in theory than practice.

Join me for podcast 5 and some tips on accepting what you have while you pursue what you want.

Until then, I wish you success and happiness.

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In this episode you will learn

• About  two billionaires who started small
• A simple strategy to get more of what you want – that kids do better than adults
• What Richard Branson, Serena Williams and Taylor Swift do – that you can do too
• How you develop self-belief
• Why it doesn’t matter where you start.

Mentioned in this podcast

Click to purchase hardcopy or Kindle.

Links mentioned in this podcast

• My original newspaper article: Five Things That Sucessful People Do.
• Join me on Facebook! Andrew Matthews – Author

Click here to subscribe via iTunes Click here to subscribe via RSS

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The Being Happy! Podcast #3

5 Things That Successful People Do This is podcast # 3. Today’s episode is 5 Things That Successful People Do. See if you relate to this story – the names may be different but you will get the idea: You had two friends in school… There was Barry – he was the straight-A student who seemed bound for glory and there was Mary – she was the battler who flunked first-year Economics. Ten years later you discover that Mary is a multi-millionaire. She runs her own company and travels the world. She has her own helicopter. Meanwhile Barry is stuck in the same boring job he got at graduation. You ask, “How come Mary blossomed – and not Barry-the-Brain?” We’ll come to that in a moment. First I want to share my definition of success. You may have your own definition. Here’s mine:

1. Success is spending your time doing something that has meaning for you. Ideally, it is doing something in your worktime that you love – but it may be that you do something that has meaning for you in your spare time.If you are raising happy children, certainly that’s success
2. Success is making regular progress toward goals you have set for yourself.
3. Success is having people in your life that you love – and who love you.

Success is not all about money – but it is about being able to pay your bills and live the lifestyle you want. So, back to Mary and Barry. You say, “How come ordinary Mary became successful – and not Barry-the-genius?” Because Mary has certain habits that successful people have – that matter way MORE than IQ. So what things do high achievers do that YOU can do too? This is a big one: START SMALL Successful people are happy to start small. In fact, successful people will start anywhere they can. Many entrepreneurs start washing cars or building websites at about ten years of age. They develop a “success pattern”. They sharpen their skills. Then they aim higher. Ingvar Kamprad, the founder of Ikea furniture, started business as a young boy selling matches to neighbours from his bicycle. He expanded into fish, Christmas tree decorations and selling pencils before ultimately founding his fold-up furniture empire. You first learn to catch little fish, then big fish. At age 12, Steven Speilberg started making amateur movies of his family’s camping trips. To finance his films he charged his friends admission while his sister Annie sold popcorn. He started small. Surgeons practise on tonsils before they do brain surgery. Ed Sheeran spent years on street corners before he filled stadiums. What’s so important about a success pattern? It’s what gets you to BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. When you know in your heart:

1. a)  “I’ve prepared for this”
2. b) “I can do it!” and
3. c) “I deserve it”

you are on your way. Wherever you are headed, start small if you have to – make success a habit. That is the foundation of self-belief. music Here’s what starting small might mean for you – it might mean starting your own accounting business on your kitchen table. It might mean becoming a personal trainer where your gym is actually your garage. It might mean starting your online newsletter with a mailing list of one – and that’s your Mum! Another version of starting small is working for cheap – or working for nothing. This was my story … My aim in writing my first book, Being Happy! was to share some simple happiness strategies that anyone could use. But I had another goal in writing that book– and that was I wanted to become a speaker – so I could share my message firsthand at conferences and conventions. When Being Happy! was first released, I began travelling to different countries to promote my book. So I would do radio and TV interviews and I would make bookstore appearances. And schools began to ask me to speak and universities. I went everywhere, I went anywhere. I would get all dressed up, go to the venue, set-up, do my talk, back to my hotel, all for free. But I was learning my craft. I remember one time I was in London. I was booked to give an evening talk to 200 people in Portsmouth. To drive to Portsmouth from London should take an hour and a half. That day the weather was so bad, I left at lunchtime. It took four and a half hours to get there – through fog and driving rain – and floods. I get to the venue. There’s nobody there. Just the organiser. So we wait an hour and nobody shows up. And finally he says to me, “Do you want to start?” “Do I want a start?” There’s two people in this hall and one of them is me! I spoke in hospitals. I spoke in prisons – in Australia, in Singapore, in the USA – I remember speaking to the Mabel Bassett Maximum Security Women’s Prison in Oklahoma. Prisons and hospitals are wonderful places to practice your public speaking – your audience can’t leave! In three years I gave about 250 presentations – at no charge. And then one day – my wife Julie, who is my publisher – and a very smart lady – called me into her office and said, “I just booked you for another speaking job. You are speaking in Perth, to a company called Omegatrend, they are going to fly you business class, they are going to put you up in a five star hotel – you speak for 45 minutes and they are paying you … $2,500 dollars.” Wow! Finally I was a professional speaker. I was so happy. Now lucky for me that Julie came along or I might still be speaking for nothing. In fact, I am so lucky that Julie came along, full stop, period. Julie is the most extraordinary lady I know. That’s a subject for another podcast. Here’s the point. Sometimes starting small means starting cheap, doing whatever you can wherever you can – getting a reputation and refining your craft. If there is a company you want to work for, offer your services for free. Obviously, it’s not so easy to do that with a multi-national corporation. You can’t go up to Google and say, “Let me work with you for a while.” But with a small business, with a family business, you can say to the boss, say to the owner, “Let me work for you for a couple of weeks.” Let me show you what I can do – if you are a chef, or a travel guide or a computer programmer or a graphic artist – go to work for free. Blow ventolin inhaler 200 doz their mind. You say, “What if they say , “No!”? Look, you are unemployed. You’ve got nothing going for you. So you speak to ten companies and nine say, “No” and one says, “Yes!” You’re in business! music You can start small with anything. For you it be your savings plan, saving just $20 per week – but doing it every week It might mean writing your first book – writing just one page per day, before breakfast It might mean you start your fitness plan, and you begin with walking every just ten minutes a day. It might mean starting your music career in your local café, to an audience of ten. Never be ashamed of starting small. music BREAK YOUR GOALS INTO SMALL STEPS Whether you are aiming to be an architect, whether you are training for a marathon or just wanting to clean out your office, break your journey into bite-size pieces. Here’s what psychologists will tell you that you already know: You are much more likely to finish jobs that can be completed in 15 minutes. Divide big tasks into manageable chunks. Make to-do lists. Tick off each task. Celebrate small steps of progress. Did you ever spend a year telling yourself, “I’m going to tidy my desk. And you never do it! It all seems too hard. You look at the mess and say “where do I start?” When you divide up desk-tidying into a list of things, suddenly you know where to start – so your list might look like this:

• file all my receipts
• throw out all the old magazines
• tidy my top drawer
• put all my files back into the filing cabinet
• organize my usb sticks
• organize the business cards and photos
• donate all my loose coins to charity.

Suddenly you have a job you can handle. You can focus on one task at a time. Whatever the project, whatever the job you have to do, divide it into chunks. music ASK FOR HELP People who GET WHAT THEY WANT in life – they know how to ASK for what they want. Kids know how to ask – and when grown-ups say, “NO!”, kids don’t take it personally. “Can I have an ice cream?” “No.” “Can I have an ice cream?” “No.” “Can I have an ice cream?” “No.” “Can I have an ice cream?” “No.” “Can I have an ice cream?” “Ask your father.” “Dad, Mum says I can have an ice cream.” We can learn from kids! YOUR success and happiness depend on you ASKING for what you want. For small things …

• “May I have a refund?”
• “Can you reschedule my appointment?”
• “Can we go on a date?”

And for big things …

• “Can I WORK for you?”
• “Will you MARRY me?”

Other people aren’t mind readers. Often, they will happily help you – or even marry you – if they just KNOW what you want. Asking for what you want keeps you happier and healthier. Ask more often and more good things will happen for you. The more often you ask, the better you get to handle rejection. If there is one thing that high achievers do well, it’s handle rejection. music LOVE WHAT YOU DO Successful managers, pilots, plumbers, policemen love their work. When you love your work you have that special energy – you are enthusiastic, you are caring. You become a magnet for opportunity, so you flourish. When you love what you do, research is a pleasure, study is a pleasure. Work is a pleasure. Julie and I have some dear friends, Frank and Maria. They are Italian. They love Italian food. In the last 40 years they have owned a dozen different cafes and restaurants. And they are always successful. They don’t have MBA’s. They have love. They love beautiful fruit and vegetables – and they will go anywhere to get good produce. They buy the best tomatoes, the best lettuce, fennel, the best fish, the finest calamari. They buy with care. They cook with love. And they serve you with a huge smile. They are so proud of what they do. How can anyone compete with that? Imagine that you need to have a kidney removed. You are choosing between two surgeons – one loves being a doctor, the other loves his BMW. Which one would you pick? Whatever you do for a living, you are competing against people who love what they do. If you dislike your work, you are dead in the water – which means you have two choices – either change your attitude or change your job. I touched on some of this in Podcast #2: Enjoying Your Work – if you haven’t heard it, have a listen. music PICTURE YOUR SUCCESS People like Richard Branson, Serena Williams and Taylor Swift visualise their success. They play movies in their minds. Why? Because we become what we think about. Whether you want to be an inspiring leader or a great teacher or the next Roger Federer, you must picture your own success, over and over and over. In the 1970’s Fred Couples and Jim Nantz were suitemates at the University of Houston. Fred was a dedicated golfer with dreams of winning the US Masters and Jim – Jim had ambitions of becoming a top sports announcer. Together, they would often playact a scene where Fred, having just won the US Masters, was interviewed by the CBS announcer, Jim Nantz. In 1992, Fred won the Masters. He was ushered into the Butler Cabin to receive the famous green jacket – and there, to get the inside story, was CBS’s Jim Nantz. At the close of the interview they embraced with tears in their eyes, no doubt reflecting on how the imaginary scene that they had so often rehearsed in Houston had just unfolded before the world in Augusta. And so you ask, would Fred Couples have won the Masters Golf Championship without all the playacting? Would Jim Nantz have achieved his dream without the playacting? Would it all have happened anyway? Here’s what I know: there’s not a successful actor, astronaut, brain surgeon, pilot, pop star, president or pole dancer that didn’t imagine their dream over and over and over again long before it happened. Everything is connected and nothing happens “anyway”. Children picture success quite naturally. It is why kids learn so fast. Do you want to be more confident at dinner parties, would you like to hit better golf balls, would you like to sell more real estate? See it in your mind.  Anytime you have a spare moment, play your mental movie. Wherever you are headed, start small if you have to and make success a habit. No one is born with special permission to succeed. We succeed by adopting the habits of successful people. music This podcast is based on a newspaper article I wrote. If you would like to read the original article, or perhaps share it, there is a link to it on my website at www.andrewmatthews.com/podcasts Hi to my friends in Singapore and Malaysia. I have had some emails during the week saying, “Andrew, where can we buy your books here? They are in Popular Bookstores, in Times, MPH, Kinokuniya and at the airports. In my next podcast, podcast #4, I’ll be talking about Dealing with Disasters – how do you handle disappointment? How do you bounce back from failure? If you are enjoying these podcasts, please post a comment on Itunes. Let me know what you think. Give me some encouragement! Until next time, I wish you success and happiness.

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The post Session #3: 5 Things Successful People Do – That You Can Do Too! appeared first on ANDREW MATTHEWS.

In this episode you will learn

• how to know if you should quit your job – immediately!
• what to do if you are feeling bored at work
• what to do if you aren’t planning to stay in your job long-term
• four reasons to give your best at work, regardless of what you are being paid!

Mentioned in this podcast

Click to purchase hard copy or kindle. In this podcast I mention my father, Peter. Dad was a professional landscape artist for 25 years. These are two of his paintings:

Near Alice Springs by Peter Matthews – knife painting in oil

Flinders Rangers by Peter Matthews – knife painting in oil

 

Links mentioned in this podcast

Join me on Facebook! Andrew Matthews – Author Click here to subscribe via iTunes Click here to subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed)

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The Being Happy Podcast #2

Enjoying Your Work

This is The Being Happy! Podcast number 2: And the topic: Enjoying Your Work. If you missed Podcast 1: Can You Choose Happiness?, there’s a link to it on my website: at andrewmatthews.com/Podcasts or you can find it in iTunes under Podcasts: The Being Happy! Podcast. And to those of you who have already posted comments about this podcast in iTunes, thank you for that. And a big “Hello” to everyone in the Philippines – “Hi” to everyone that came to hear me speak when I was in Manila recently. You guys have been joining my Facebook page in thousands. Thank you. And if you haven’t seen my Facebook page, it is Andrew Matthews – Author. I post happiness tips and I post my cartoons. Have you ever asked yourself, “Should I stay in this job I’m in or should I look for something else?” Or have you asked yourself, “How do you enjoy a job that is boring or repetitive?” or the really big question, “What should I do with my life?” Perhaps you feel stuck where you are – right now – and maybe you are wondering, “Should I move. Should I quit?” Should I just toss in my office job and join a rock band?” Let’s start with the extreme situation. What if you absolutely hate your job? Here’s a clue if you need to quit your job today …If you are being bullied or abused at work and you see no way to change things, you need to get out. Now. Every day that you spend in a toxic workplace is sabotaging your happiness and sabotaging your future. Some workplaces are unacceptable. If your boss is asking you to cheat people – if you are selling used cars that are dangerous or miracle cures that don’t work or apartments that don’t exist, you need to get out. You say, “But I need to pay my bills.” If the workplace is poisonous, it is destroying you, Get out. Better to work anywhere else – clean windows or scrub floors for half the money. When you respect yourself, other people respect you. When you make a stand, life gets better. People treat you as you treat you. The more common situation is that our workplace is terrible – but we are just dissatisfied – a bit bored – feeling stuck. If you feel frustrated or unhappy at work – whether you’re a chicken plucker or a brain surgeon, your best strategy is … GIVE IT ALL YOU’VE GOT. That’s my first tip. The key to enjoying your work is to DO IT THE BEST YOU CAN. You say, “But my colleagues don’t do their best!” That’s not your problem. You say, “But I’m underpaid.” That is irrelevant. You say, “My boss never notices my good work.” That’s not uncommon. You say, “Well, this job is only temporary. I am planning to leave here in 6 months.” It doesn’t matter if you are planning to leave on Friday. The only way to feel good about yourself today is to give it all you’ve got today. You know that already. Remember back to when you were at school – you were nine years old – remember how good you felt walking to school when you had done all your homework and done it the best you could and it was there in your little bag. How good you felt just because you had done your best. You had an extra spring in your step. It is the same today. It doesn’t matter whether you are nine or whether you are sixty-nine. So the first reason to do your best at work is because it makes YOU HAPPIER. It’s about self-respect. You say, “But my job is just so repetitious!” It’s boring. Almost every job is repetitious. If you’re a doctor, you study maybe eight – or ten years and eventually one day you get to hang up your little sign that says, “Doctor.” In comes your first patient, and you say: “How are you this morning?” They say, “I’m sick.” Next patient. “How are you this morning?” “I’m sick.” Next patient. “How are you this morning?” “I’m sick.” You say to yourself, “Wah, how long does this go on?!” Forever. You’re a doctor. If you’re Novak Djokovic, you hit tennis balls, they come back, five hours a day. You hit balls, they come back. You say what is this? It’s tennis. It is repetition. All jobs are about repetition. Life equals repetition. And there really is only one way that you will ever deal with it. And that is that you get up every day and say, “Today, I am going find a way to be more effective, more creative, more caring, better than I was yesterday – and I’m going to enjoy it. You’re not always successful, but it’s your aim. People who love their work are simply trying to be better at it every day. It doesn’t matter whether you are a taxi driver a taxidermist … or a dermatologist. Very often, we don’t need a change of job. What we need is a change of philosophy – or we can call it a change of attitude. Happiness comes from doing your best at whatever is in front of you. Teachers, parents, bosses tell us to do our best—but we don’t do our best for them, we do it for us. Miserable people do as little as possible – as if conserving their energy will somehow make them happier. It doesn’t work. People who enjoy their work wake up every day saying: “Today, I am going to be better today than I was yesterday.” They don’t always hit the bulls-eye but that’s their aim.” Music So when you do your best, you are happier. Three more reasons to give your best. #2 It’s how you develop your skills, it’s how you become more useful. So long as you are showing up for work, you might as well get good at what you do. Be the best bricklayer, be the best banker, be the best pastry chef … be the safest airline pilot – that’s useful. You say, “But they are only paying me for an average performance.” That’s not the point. You feel the reward of a job well done. The money is a bonus. #3: Reason three to give your best. You develop a reputation. Maybe you are only planning to stay in your job for another week. But while you are there, develop a reputation where other people say, “This guy is an expert. This lady is amazing.” You say, “But I’m underpaid.” That’s irrelevant. Here’s the thing about developing a reputation: John McCormack said: “Do more than you are paid for now … and one day you’ll be paid for more than you do.” My wife Julie and I have been employing people in our business for 30 years. We’ve seen all the wonderful resumes. When Julie and I want a personal secretary or assistant, we start calling our friends, “Can you recommend anyone? Who do you know that might want to work for us?” We employ by reputation, not by resumes. When you have a reputation, someone, sometime, will notice you and offer you a better generic for clonazepam position. Here’s what people who are looking for work sometimes forget. Bosses employ you for one reason: to solve their problems. Every boss has problems: he needs someone to sell cars or serve coffee, he needs someone to teach kids or to fly aeroplanes or dig holes. Bosses don’t employ you because you have been out of work and they feel sorry for you. Companies don’t employ you so that you can feed your kids. They employ you because they need something fixed, solved, handled and if you have a reputation for fixing more problems than you create they will grab you. If you have a reputation for creating more problems than you fix – then you will need a very good resume! Reason #4 to do your very best when working for someone else: When you are skilled and you have a reputation … you can go off and do your own thing – if you want to, you can work for yourself, be your own boss. Now, you can’t do that in every case – if you are a banker, it’s not easy to start your own bank or your own airline. But in many professions, you can develop your skills and your reputation while working for someone else – and then go work for yourself – and that’s an exciting prospect. And much better to be brilliant at what you do before you start your own business – for obvious reasons. Nick’s Story I love the story of Nick the immigrant – and how he got his first job in America. True story – I tell it in my book Follow Your Heart. Nick had no money and spoke no English, and he applied for a dishwashing job in an Italian restaurant, in Manhattan. Before his interview with the boss, Nick went into the restaurant’s bathroom and scrubbed it clean. He then took a toothbrush and cleaned between every tile until the bathroom was completely spotless. By the time Nick had his interview, the boss was trying to figure out: “What’s happened to the toilets?” Nick was already solving the boss’s problems. It was Nick’s way of saying: “I’m serious about washing dishes.” Nick got the job. A week later, the salad maker quit and Nick was on his way to becoming a chef. Nick ultimately became a multi-millionaire, owned restaurants and real estate all over Manhattan. I think of Nick and his toothbrush when people say to me: “There are no jobs out there!” Start anywhere you can. Give your best shot to whatever is in front of you, and opportunity will begin to find you. It’s called developing a reputation. It’s called “one thing leads to another.” Sometimes we make the mistake of being too selective. We might reject a job offer, reasoning: “It’s not quite the job I want.” If it’s all you’ve got for the moment, and you need to feed yourself grab it, master it, and watch it lead you from one thing to another. If you have nothing big going for you, start small. Jump in the water. Fred says, “If I had a great job, I would really work hard – but if I’ve got this lousy job so I just sleep all day!” No, Fred! When we continually give our best, life naturally leads us toward new opportunities. Sometimes it takes a while, but it happens. One more thing … opportunities, job offers – and romance – usually arrive in unexpected situations with unexpected people. It’s life’s way of reminding us to keep an open mind and pay attention! Here’s how life works. When we wait for things, nothing happens. The way to meet the love of your life is to be so happy living your life as a single person that you don’t care whether you have a partner or not. The way to find the job of your dreams – or the career of your dreams – is to be so happy every day, improving your skills, doing your best, that you don’t care whether you get offered a new position. That’s when you are a magnet for new opportunities. We are talking here about the principle of “unattachment” – and we will cover that in detail in another podcast. Music My Dad was different to most fathers. You know how people talk about following your passion. My Dad never talked about that. He did it. He spent 25 years of his life as a successful landscape artist, creating oil paintings of the Australian outback – the mountains and the rivers and the deserts. I have put some photos of his paintings on my website: you can see them at andrewmatthews.com under Podcast #2. At the same time as being an artist, he was a farmer. Dad didn’t farm because he had to, he raised cattle and sheep and grew crops because he loved it. 7 I grew up believing that that your career was about following your heart. After high school I went off to law school because I thought that it would be fun. And when I discovered that law wasn’t for me, I studied classical drawing and painting – I became an artist. And eventually that led me to writing and illustrating books about happiness – and now lots of speaking at conferences. I get to draw cartoons throughout my presentations. For me, that’s part of following my heart. And I know that it is not always easy to land the perfect job or to find the job that you love. But until you can do what you love, do your best to love what you do. Or at least like what you do. Enjoying your work is so important, I wrote a book about it, called Follow Your Heart. And here’s a point that I made in the book. That regardless of your career – or the label that you give it – it’s the people connections that matter. You’ll notice something about good nurses – they like people even more than medicine. There is a clue here about finding meaning in your career. THE JOB ISN’T IT! Whatever you do for a living is simply a vehicle to connect with people. Whether or not you are fulfilled depends on how you serve the people. Unfortunately, “serving people” sounds like slavery or sacrifice. It’s not. It is simply knowing that there’s joy in giving something of yourself that is uniquely yours. “Serving” can be teaching or nursing people. It can be selling them beautiful flowers, or repairing their radiators with a smile. It’s not about your job description. It’s about your philosophy. Society often evaluates careers in terms of PhDs and masters degrees, and we are in danger of missing the point. It’s the people connections. Let’s say that you are coaching a soccer team of twelve year olds. You might love soccer, and that’s fine. But as soon as you understand that it’s not about soccer at all, then you can really do something for those kids. You might say: “Soccer coaches don’t change the lives of twelve year olds.” 8 Wrong! Some coaches do – and they are the coaches who understand that they are teaching kids about life, and soccer is just the excuse. Meanwhile, too many teachers tell themselves: “What do I matter? The kids don’t care about algebra.” Of course they don’t! If you are teaching sixth grade, your mission isn’t algebra. It is children. If you are a sales manager, your mission isn’t profits, it’s people. Music You can download the transcript for this podcast at andrewmatthews.com/podcasts Why is it that some people always fall on their feet? In the next podcast, Podcast # 3, we will look at the 5 Things That Successful People Do. Join me. This Podcast is about spreading happiness. And I need your help. If you think today’s message is useful, please share it with people you know – or in your blog or on Facebook or Twitter. And if you liked today’s Podcast, please rate it in iTunes – your rating helps to keep us visible in iTunes and Google. Until next time, I wish you success and happiness. End Transcript

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Can you choose happiness? How do we find peace of mind? Andrew Matthews tells the story behind his international bestseller BEING HAPPY! and shares the one most important step to happiness.

In this episode you will learn:

• Why you have more control over your happiness than you may have thought
• The story of Felicity Johnson – and how she went from attempted suicide to a full and happy life
• About the power of commitment – what really happens when we decide to reach a goal – or to be happier?

Items mentioned in this podcast:

Click to purchase hardcopy or Kindle.

Links mentioned in this Can You Choose Happiness? podcast:

• Join Andrew on Facebook! Andrew Matthews – Author
• Subscribe to Andrew Matthews’ FREE 7 DAYS to HAPPINESS course

Click here to subscribe via iTunes Click here to subscribe via RSS

Transcript

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The Being Happy Podcast
# 001 Happiness is a Decision

Andrew tells the story behind his international bestseller “Being Happy!” and
shares the one most important step to happiness.
I’m Andrew Matthews. This is podcast number one.
Here’s my goal for this series of podcasts – to share some happiness tips – and
success tips – that will have you feeling happier – and perhaps succeeding in ways –
that you never thought possible. I’ll be sharing stories and strategies … I’ll be sharing
some of my own mistakes …
When I was 25 I didn’t have a very good attitude. I was a bit of a complainer.
But I had this neighbour, Caroline, and she always seemed to be happy. And here’s
the thing – her life wasn’t perfect. Her house was falling apart. Her car was falling
apart. Her second marriage had just fallen apart. And her mother, whom I know that
she adored so much, had recently passed away due to cancer.
But Caroline always seemed to have this happy attitude. She always just seemed to
look on the bright side. If it was raining, she was happy. If she was stuck in traffic,
she was happy.
And she seemed to like almost everybody.
So I am in the supermarket one day and she comes bouncing up to me with this big
smile on her face and she says, “Guess what happened to me today!”
And I said, “I don’t know. What, did you get a new job?”
She said, “No.”
“Did you fall in love?”
She said, “No.”
She said, “My car caught fire!”
I said, “What?”
She said, “My car caught fire! I’m driving down the road – and it just burst into
flames!”
Now, who doesn’t get upset about their car catching fire? I couldn’t resist any longer.
I said “Caroline, what is it with you? Why are you always so damned happy?”
And she said, “Because I got sick of being miserable!”
Now at the time I thought, she’s joking. I mean, you don’t just choose happiness – or
do you?
Caroline’s got me thinking. Could you choose happiness? I couldn’t get her comment
out of my head.
You see, I used to think that happiness was like influenza – and maybe you get it,
maybe you don’t.
So I started reading books about happiness and attitude – I read those classic books
like Think and Grow Rich and Psycho-Cybernetics, The Autobiography of a
Yogi and The Power of Positive Thinking – I read books about the subconscious,
books about the brain. I read over two hundred and I made notes. I was on a mission.
I began to study successful people and gradually I pieced together some happiness
strategies that worked for me. And six years later my first book BEING HAPPY! was
published.
And BEING HAPPY! was the book that I wished I had had – in simple language –
illustrated it with my cartoons. All books should have cartoons!
So, back to Caroline. Did she just get tired of being miserable and just hop on the
highway to happiness? There is no highway to happiness but there is a road to
happiness. And in this Being Happy! series of podcasts, we are going to explore that
road. It’s bumpy, sometimes you might even break down – and that’s okay, so long
as a part of you says, “I know that I am on the right road and I will keep doing what
works.”
Is happiness a decision? Well, we know that lots of bad stuff happens in life:
You get sick, you can’t pay your bills, you get fired, people let you down – you do the
work and your colleagues get the credit – you lose people you love.
So how would you choose happiness?
Here’s what happens for many people.
And here’s how it might happen for you: you reach a point in your life where you say,
“From today I am going to be happier than I have ever been.”
And that decision to be happier leads to a series of choices:
 you get up every day with the intention to be happy
 you complain less
 you look for good things in your job and in your family
 you make a point to connect with other people
 you make time for peace of mind or meditation or you spend time in nature
 maybe you eat better, maybe you exercise more
 and every day you look for one good thing that happened.
That one decision to be happier leads you to a series of positive decisions.
Life gets better. And now you’re on an upward spiral.
And here’s the secret that we will examine in later Podcasts – when you feel better
about yourself, better things happen for you. You gather momentum.
We have far more control over our happiness than we may have believed.
You say – “Well, what do you mean by happiness?”
You don’t have to be leaping about with a grin on your face.
It’s not that you are never disappointed, or angry, or frustrated, or sad.
Here’s how I define it: we quit beating ourselves up for not being perfect, we feel that
our life has meaning, we are less fearful and we are more optimistic and we feel glad
to wake up every morning.
(music)
I grew up thinking that as soon as my life got easier, I I’d be happy.
Then aged 25 I discovered something shocking … I discovered that the happiest
people I knew had much bigger problems than me.
And I suspect that you have noticed the same thing – that the most joyful people that
you have come across, they have usually suffered disappointment or tragedy —
they’ve come through cancer, they’ve gone broke, they’ve lost loved ones …
Notice joyful people. They aren’t joyful because they’ve had an easier life than the
next guy.
They’re joyful because at some point they decided that HAPPY is the only way to live.
That was Felicity Johnson’s experience.
I received a message the other day on Facebook. If you haven’t seen my Facebook
page it’s Andrew Matthews – Author. Join me.
I post happiness tips and cartoons. And lots of readers send me messages which I
really appreciate: So Andrew Matthews – Author.
So Felicity from Queensland, Australia, wrote to me – and she said:
Hi Andrew, I just wanted to say a massive thank you …
When I was 18, I had been severely depressed for many years, I had made
attempts to end my life, I was blocking my family out, I was on medication.
I bought your book BEING HAPPY!
I still remember picking it up one Christmas Day, in my dark room, curtains
drawn, and my family out in the lounge room celebrating.
I began to read your book and so many things began to “click” for me.
The biggest being that being happy is a choice.
I put the book down and said to myself “I’m so sick of feeling like this,
miserable, missing out on life.
I got up, I opened my curtains, went out and sat with my family and laughed
the hardest that I have laughed in years.
And from that day on I woke up every day and made a conscious effort with
my thoughts and my feelings.
I was choosing to be happy. And I had my good and bad days but slowly each
day got easier and easier.
Here I am now 30 and very happy – and healthy mentally …
Your book changed my path.
Here’s how you might draw encouragement from Felicity’s experience:
 she was in a very dark place
 she made a decision to see life differently
 she had good days and bad days but it got easier and easier.
And that’s how life works.
And you might say, Andrew, that’s fine for Felicity – but you don’t know my problems.
And you don’t know my boss.
And you haven’t met my husband.
How do you choose happiness if you have got really serious problems?
Fair question!
In the last year or so I have shared the stage at three conferences with a young man
called Nick Vujicic. You may have heard of Nick – or seen him on TV.
Nick was born no arms and no legs.
Nick spent years wondering why he was ever born.
He wondered, “Who would employ me? How will I ever find a wife?”
Life is tough enough when you have got a broken leg, or a missing arm or a missing
leg. But what if you have no arms and no legs?
Nick shared in one of his books, “For the longest, loneliest time, I wondered if
there was anyone on earth like me, and whether there was any purpose to my
life except pain and humiliation.”
He was relentlessly bullied at school, he contemplated suicide.
Then, when Nick was still in his teens, he began to change his focus.
He began to concentrate NOT on what he COULDN’T do, but on what he COULD do.
And what he could do was tell his own story, and inspire people. Nick has now
written six international bestselling books. He is now one of the world’s most popular
speakers.
Nick, the man with no arms and no legs, now describes his life as “ridiculously good
and ridiculously happy.”
He still has the same body – but what’s different are the thoughts in his head.
(music)
People ask me how I got into writing books about happiness – and “was I hopelessly
depressed?”
I didn’t have the courageous struggle of Felicity – or a heroic journey like Nick.
I just felt that I had no excuse for being often grumpy. I was blessed with loving
parents, I was healthy, I had opportunities – I wasn’t very grateful for what I had and
I wasn’t very good company a lot of the time.
I had this sense that “one day I’ll be happier, one day I’ll really do something.”
And then there was a day in my life when I decided, “ENOUGH!”
I decided, “From today I am going to be happier, I am going to grab opportunities, I
am going to accept invitations, I am going to get off my backside and go places, I am
going to take some risks, I am going to put everything I have into everything I do.”
And I remember the date: it was October 19, 1983.
And that was the day that my life began to change.
Was it a miraculous transformation? No it wasn’t. But I felt like I was on the right
road. And like Felicity, I had my good days and I had my bad days. But day by day,
things got better and things got easier.
And here’s what I have come to understand – that when you make a decision deep
within your soul that this is what I am GOING TO DO – NOT, this is what I will TRY
TO DO – but this is what I WILL DO, it’s like the Universe moves to help you.
Opportunities arise. Coincidences happen.
W H Murray was a successful 20th century mountain climber. And mountain climbers
know that very often you have to get serious if you want to come home … alive.
I want to share with you a quote from his book, The Scottish Himalayan
Expedition.
Now, I know that for many of you who are listening to this show –you are in Mexico
or Vietnam or Hungary or Iran – English is your second language. So I if I may I will
simplify the quote just a little here – and I will include the exact quote on my website,
www.andrewmatthews.com
Here we are talking about the power of decision. This is the essence of what Murray
says:
“Until you are committed, there is always the chance to quit.
But there is one great truth that all successful people understand.
That the moment you commit yourself totally, circumstances move too.
All kinds of things occur to help you just because you made a decision.
A whole stream of events unfold from your decision.
All kinds of incidents and meetings and assistance come your way,
that you never would have dreamed would come your way.”*
What Murray is saying here is that when you are absolutely committed to changing
your life or reaching a goal, the means to help you get there present themselves –
people show up, friends lend you books, advertisements “jump out and hit you”, you
find yourself in the right place at the right time …
When you decide that I am going to be happy no matter what, and every day I will
recommit myself, the Universe moves too.
Life changes when we change.
In future podcasts we’ll look more pieces of the happiness puzzle:
 relationships
 how to be more confident
 the importance of goal setting
 bouncing back from failure and disappointment
 the importance of gratitude
 finding peace of mind.
In the next podcast, Podcast # 2, I’ll talk about enjoying your work and finding
meaning in everyday life – and what to do if you are feeling stuck.
This Podcast is about spreading happiness. And I need your help.
If you think that today’s message might help someone you know, please share it with them.
If you think this message might help a lot of people, please share it on your blog or
on Facebook or on twitter.
On my website www.andrewmatthews.com/podcasts under Podcast # 001 you’ll find
the transcript for today’s episode, you’ll find a link to my facebook page and you’ll
find links to my books.
And if you liked today’s podcast, please rate it in iTunes.
You rating helps to keep us visible in iTunes and Google.
Until next time, I wish you success and happiness.
music
W. H. Murray’s Complete Quote:
“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always
ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one
elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid
plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence
moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise
have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in
one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material
assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way.
Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius,
power, and magic in it. Begin it now.”

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