Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

Mike and Alicia Hernon : Catholic Marriage Parent and Family

  • 48 minutes 21 seconds
    MFP 337: The Invincible Family

    “True power is not dependent upon the invented honors of earth.  True power is that which guides, shapes, carves, and claims the souls of men.  And the souls of men are most often won and lost at the feet of mothers.” - Kimberly Ells

     

    Summary

    Does it feel like its harder to be a parent today than ever before? There are powers arrayed against the family - powers in secular philosophies, modern politics, and even our education system.  The roots of these forces are deep and have been growing for years, but we are just now seeing their ugly fruit.  We would like you to take some time to comprehend how these philosophies have affected your understanding of the roles of mothers, fathers, children, and the family as a social unit.  This podcast was inspired by and draws from The Invincible Family by Kimberly Ells. The world needs parents more than ever!  We hope this conversation inspires you to double down on being an intentional, and therefore, invincible family.  

    Key Takeaways

     

    • What is the ultimate goal of socialism, feminism, and sexual radicalism?  To separate children from their parents by deceiving parents into giving up their rights to their children. 

    • Satan wants us to feel quaint, small, and insignificant.  But the reality is that if we are going to change this world, we need to believe that what we are doing is mighty and important, and IRREPLACEABLE. 

    • Children are the future. Every revolutionary wants to control the children.  Whoever controls the children controls the society.  So the parent/child bond needs to be broken for secular forces to control our children. 

    • First, it started with Dad.  Now they are working on unseating moms, taking her out of the home, denigrating having children, and being a mother.  

    • The best thing you can give your child is not education - the best you can give your child is YOU.

    • Women cannot do everything men can do.  And confident women are perfectly fine with this fact. 

     

    16 June 2025, 10:00 am
  • 58 minutes 42 seconds
    MFP 336: What Would You Say to Your Younger Self? An Interview with Suzanne Bilodeau

    God has selected you uniquely to be the mother for these children.  He will equip you for the work He wants you to do!

    Summary

    No one feels prepared to be a parent.  Even if you were one of the oldest of 10 kids in a Catholic family (like Alicia or Katie) or a family of 7 (like Suzanne) you can never really be ready!  The key to surviving, and even thriving, is stepping fully into your identity as a daughter of God.  All the love that we have for our spouse and children needs to come from a deep place of confident love from our Heavenly Father.  Listen in to this interview with Suzanne Bilodeau, author of She Loved: Resting in the Beauty of Motherhood, a compilation of letters from older mothers to their younger selves.  In our conversation we talk about actually NOT finding our identity in our motherhood, but in our daughterhood, how fear is a liar, and the importance of compassion for yourself. 

    Key Takeaways

     

    • Fear is a liar.  Satan tells you that you are not enough.  God says - I made you for this moment. 

    • We can be transformed when we recognize that before we are a wife or mommy we are a daughter.  That is foundational.

    • We all need to have compassion for ourselves.  This is a theme found in most of the letters written for She Loved!

    • Don’t be a martyr to your motherhood.  Take time for yourself to reconnect with God and others.  

    9 June 2025, 10:00 am
  • 1 hour 22 minutes
    MFP 335: Safety-ism

    'Cause I love you more than you could know

    And your heart, it grows every time it breaks

    I know that it might sound strange

    But I wish you pain 

    - “Wish You Pain” by Andy Grammar

     

    Summary

    Every parent wants to keep their kids safe, but is it possible to keep them “too safe”?  In this podcast episode we dive into the overwhelming cult of safety-ism, which makes keeping your child from all pain and suffering an idol. Children are really “antifragile” - meaning that they need to have an appropriate amount of stress physically, mentally and emotionally to be able to become resilient.  Over-protecting and keeping kids from physical or emotional pain only makes them more anxious and risk-averse.  We have lots of examples of giving kids freedom, and the results aren’t always what you think!  Like so much of parenting, you need to keep in mind the stage of development your child is in to be able to expose them to appropriate risks.  You don’t let your 12 yr old wander down a dark alley, but you should let them go into the grocery store alone.  Listen in for some encouragement as well as tips and tricks to not keeping your kids safe, but making them strong!  

     

    Key Takeaways
    • Do all you can to keep kids in Discover Mode.  Exploring is what kids do and it will keep them curious and confident.

    • Don’t keep them safe, make them strong. Children will get hurt, get sick, get disappointed, cry with frustration…. Because they are human!  

    • Attachment to parents is key to give kids a secure base

    • Fearful parenting keeps kids close too much and for too long

    • Children need play-based childhood. 

     

    Couple Discussion Questions
    1. How were we raised?  Were we raised in a home that was in Discovery Mode or Defend Mode? 

    2. Assess our family right now in light of safety vs. appropriate risk.  How are our children being raised? 

    3. What can we do to improve our family’s Discovery Mode for the long term benefit of our children?

     

    2 June 2025, 10:00 am
  • 58 minutes 48 seconds
    MFP 334: An Addiction, a Marriage, and a Priest

    Our vows are for life, and we need overwhelming grace to live them out - Kevin Wells

     

    Summary

    If you ever thought your marriage was in such bad shape that you simply did not know what to do, this podcast is for you.  We were so blessed to be able to talk to Kevin Wells, the author of The Hermit: The Priest Who Saved a Soul, a Marriage, and a Family.  This interview is deep because Kevin and his wife Krista have been through the fire together and it is only by the grace of God that they both survived.  Our discussion includes the indissolubility of the marriage vows, how marriage makes you holy sometimes by bringing you to the desert, and the powerful role that our priests can take in shepherding our souls and bringing Jesus to us.  Kevin’s perspective is incredibly hopeful because he has seen the power of God!  Take time to listen to his story and use the lessons he gives to draw closer to the source of life for all of our marriages - the Lord Himself. 

    Key Takeaways
    • When a person experiences shame, they always need an outlet for that shame.  Sometimes its themselves and people turn inward, and sometimes it is someone else.  

    • Satan is a total jerk.  He uses wounds from our childhood, when we were innocent victims, to beat us up and tell us the lie that we are not worthy of love. 

    • Every addiction is hiding a wound.  To be truly free from addiction, that wound needs to be healed.

     

    • When you are in the “desert” of a troubled marriage, the only way to get through is complete reliance on God.  He calls us deeper into the desert to rest, abide, and surrender. 

    • Our vows are for life and this is an impossible task.  It can only be accomplished by the grace of God

    • Priests are custodians of the souls of those within their parish.  When one of these souls is in error, they need the Holy Spirit to speak with firmness and candor.  Anything less is false charity and false mercy. 

     

    Couple Discussion Questions
    1. Are there areas of our life or marriage that aren’t completely surrendered to God?  How can we surrender everything to Him? 

    2. Are there priests in our lives who are true shepherds to us?  How can we support and love our priest better?  

     

    https://ignatius.com/the-hermit-hermp/

    26 May 2025, 10:00 am
  • 1 hour 3 minutes
    MFP 333: The Family Meeting

    What is the rhythm of leadership in your family?

     

    Summary

    Every relationship relies on communication, but when you operate as a family with many members, communication can become difficult!  Kids can get lost in the chaos, plans get forgotten, chores undone, and mom and dad are constantly putting out fires.  In comes the miracle of the Family Meeting!  Well, let’s rephrase that… A family meeting will not solve ALL your problems but it is a great step forward in leading your family and living life intentionally.  In this podcast, we discuss the REAL purpose of a family meeting (and it’s not about information shared!) and how effective meetings can satisfy one of the three fundamental needs of the human person.  Listen in to find out why you need to get this on your family’s calendar today.  

     

    Key Takeaways
    1. FMs give you an opportunity to lead intentionally and gives children the experience of belonging, a fundamental need

    2. Start with Prayer and Engagement

    3. Present something briefly - your observations, information or inspiration. Keep in mind your family’s values

    4. Hear from the kids - This is key.  It is where they will feel seen and heard.

    5. Get on the same page - coordinate the running of the home

    6. Commit to it and make it happen - don’t give up! Depend on grace! 

     

    Couple Discussion Questions
    1. How would a family meeting benefit us right now? 

    2. What is the best time for us to do this?  

    3. What would be the key elements for us?

     

    19 May 2025, 10:00 am
  • 48 minutes 35 seconds
    MFP 332: The Seven Marks of Christian Forgiveness

    If forgiveness isn’t hard, you aren’t doing it right - Dan Meola

    Summary 

    Many parents struggle with their children--not because of the kids, but because of the wounds they are carrying from their own parents.  The only path for healing those wounds is forgiveness.  But how do we forgive, especially when the hurts are deep and real?  In this podcast we sat down with Dan Meola, the founder of Life Giving Wounds, a ministry for adult children of divorce.  We talked about the importance of forgiveness,  what it is--and what it is not.  To define true forgiveness, Dan walks us through the seven marks of forgiveness that bring insight to this path to true reconciliation and healing. 

     

    Key Takeaways
    • No matter how you have been hurt you need to let go of the grudge and forgive.  Unforgiveness hurts us, hurts those around us, and prevents our healing. 

    • If forgiveness isn’t hard, you aren’t doing it right. 

    • Christianity is the only religion that requires forgiveness, even if it is unilateral.  This is impossible by human standards and can only be done by God’s grace. 

    • The Seven Marks are:

    1. It is specific

    2. It is an ongoing process.

    3. Can be unilateral

    4. Means you still have boundaries

    5. It is a choice, not a feeling

    6. Enables you to let go of anger, resentment, and to cancel past debts

    7. Is only possible with the grace of God

     

    12 May 2025, 10:00 am
  • 58 minutes 17 seconds
    MFP 331: Let’s Talk About Husbands! Listener questions answered

    “If we accept that God’s love is unconditional, that the Father’s love cannot be bought or sold, then we will become capable of showing boundless love and forgiving others even if they have wronged us” - Pope Francis in Amoris Laetitia

    Summary: 

    Becoming a husband and father is the biggest change a man goes through in his life.  There is simply no better “life-coaching” than family life!  But when men find their vocation difficult, it is usually their wives that they turn to or who observe this difficulty and have a desire to help.  In this podcast, we hear from women who have questions about how to support and help their husbands overcome challenges at work, at home, and in their personal lives.  So many wives want their husbands to be the best men they can be and overcome vices of sloth, anger, and lust but they aren’t sure how to help.  Sometimes wives can take action, but in other situations, it's best for wives to be supportive and keep their advice to themselves.  When do you know which is right?  Listen in to find out!  

    Key Takeaways
    1. Wives need to be very careful when it comes to giving husbands advice or correction regarding his relationship with work.  It is a source of great respect for men, so this topic should be delicately considered. 

    2. Men need to be needed.  If wives are doing everything and then complaining that he isn’t stepping up, realize that you are probably doing too much.  

    3. Overcoming anger requires introspection and being curious about why it arises within you at certain times.  Usually the “trigger” is not really your child, but something that your child is doing or saying that is touching an unresolved issue in yourself. 

    4. We need to take time to think about these things and give ourselves space to consider them and bring God into that situation so He can heal us. 

    5. If you have a husband who is at a different place spiritually than you, be patient.  Honor his journey as being different from your own.  

     

    5 May 2025, 10:00 am
  • 54 minutes
    MFP 330: What Will Your Children Remember?

    “You’re not just parenting your children… you are parenting your grandchildren”

     

    Summary

    Have you ever walked through a thousand-year-old castle or along a wall built by Romans nearly a millennium ago? On a recent trip to the UK, we were struck by the longevity of these structures—and the intentionality behind them. They weren’t built to last a season, but centuries.

    In this episode, we challenge you to think the same way about your family culture. Are you parenting just for today… or are you building something that will bless your children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren?

    Family culture is the invisible architecture of your home. It gives your children identity, belonging, and purpose. It's what lasts long after the rules and schedules fade. And if we build it with care, rooted in faith and virtue, it can be a source of strength for generations to come.

    Key Takeaways
    • Parenting is more than just what is happening today.  We have to have a long term vision for our family

    • Your family culture matters more than ever.  This is where children learn who they are, where they belong, and what they are made for

    • If we want to build a legacy, we need to build with stone, not straw or wood.  Set up traditions that can be passed on to the next generation - things that are simple and repeatable. 

    • Consider the legacy that you have received from your family, culture, and especially from our Catholic faith.  

    • Legacy doesn’t happen by accident. It starts with small, intentional acts of love—right now.

    Couple discussion
    1. Consider writing down some thoughts on the legacy you want to leave. 

    2. What’s one tradition, habit, or value you want to start building into your family this week that will move you closer to that legacy?

    28 April 2025, 10:00 am
  • 57 minutes 42 seconds
    MFP 329: Who is “God the Father”?

    “Unleashing the heart of the Father is a power the world does not know.”

     

    Summary

    God wants us to know Him as a father.  We as parents are to prepare the hearts of our children to know the father by acting like him.  So when our children wonder what God is like, we should be able to say to them, “God loves you as I love you, but so much better”.  For us to do that, we need to know what God is like, so we can act as him.  In this podcast we break open the Word of God to share with you how God describes Himself in the Bible and how we can come to know Him better by reading what He has told us!  

     

    Key Takeaways
    • God wants to “father” His people in the Old Testament

      • Isaiah 64:8

      • Jeremiah 31:20

      • Deuteronomy 14:1

    • Jesus says he has come “from the Father”  that He is a son

      • John 14

      • Matt 11:25

      • John 16:23 

    • Jesus tells us that WE are sons and that God is Our Father too!

      • Matthew 23:9

      • Matthew 6:6  

      • 1 John 3:1

      • Galatians 4:6

      • Luke 12:32

      • 2 Corinthians 6:16-18

      • John 20:17

    • Why does this matter?  Because we are to be like Our Father.  We as parents are to act like him, imitate Him, take on His characteristics in flesh so our children can believe they have a heavenly Father who loves them, will always be there and never fail them. 

      • Psalm 103:13

      • Matt7:10

     

    Couple Discussion
    1. How does God want to be a father to us?  To our children? 

    2. Are there any obstacles to us calling God “Father”?  Take some time to pray into those this week.  

     

    21 April 2025, 10:00 am
  • 56 minutes 55 seconds
    MFP 328: Let Your Life Be a Witness, An interview with Chris and Molly McMahon

    "Never be embarrassed to love your wife." – Chris McMahon​

     

    Summary

    What does it take to build a thriving business and a strong marriage at the same time? In this episode, Mike sits down with longtime friends Chris and Molly McMahon—financial advisors, founders, parents of five, and marriage warriors. Together, they unpack the real story behind balancing ambition with family, building a faith-filled home without a perfect blueprint, and making decisions that prioritize your marriage even when the world says otherwise.

    From the mess of early parenthood and maxed-out credit cards to spiritual renewal and raising adult kids with a legacy of love, the McMahons share wisdom from 36 years of marriage. Get ready for candid stories, practical advice, and heartfelt encouragement for couples trying to do it all without losing what matters most.

    Topics include:

    • Why full transparency is non-negotiable in marriage

    • How to prioritize your spouse even in seasons of hustle

    • Reclaiming Sundays and breaking free from the “frantic family” pace

    • Making faith central—even in business

    And don’t miss your chance to sign up for the Family Board Meeting, a transformative way to lead your family with intention: messyfamilyproject.org

    Key Takeaways
    • Put your spouse first.  Connect with them and make them a priority no matter what is happening at work. Talk about your spouse with love and respect always to others. 

    • Be a witness in the workplace.  Put up a sacred image, hold a high standard for yourself and be bold about sharing your faith. 

    • Never accept the standards of the world for success.  If you feel like both of you “have” to work to get ahead or buy a house, don’t accept that!  Think outside the box

    • Make time for the things that matter.  Be intentional with how you spend your time and money. 

    • If God has blessed you, be a blessing to others. God will give you a mission - respond!    

     

    Couple Discussion Questions

     

    • How can we use our time intentionally to prioritize each other? How can we live in a way that puts our marriage first? 

    • What is the mission that God is asking us to go on two by two?  What is the particular way we can serve Him as a married couple?

     

    14 April 2025, 10:00 am
  • 44 minutes 31 seconds
    MFP 327: Five Steps to Give You More Time

    The only way to not live constantly in the Urgent is to manage those things that are Important.

     

    Summary

    “How are  you?” “BUSY!” Isn't that the response so many of us give when asked this question?  How did we all get so busy and how do we get off the crazy train?  Parents have as much time as anyone else (even though it doesn’t feel like it!) but they need to be more conscious than anyone else regarding how they spend the precious time they have.  In this podcast, we give five steps that parents can use right now to use their time wisely.  Using the Eisenhower matrix of Important/Urgent we will show you how to manage those things that are Important (children and all their needs!) so we aren’t always living in the Urgent.  Parents must be careful on how they spend time because days turn into weeks, and then years, and then kids are gone!  Childhood is short and we need to be very intentional on how we spend our precious time with our precious children.  

    Key Takeaways
    • We all need to evaluate how we are spending our time.  If you always feel like you are putting out important fires, then you need to learn how to manage those things so your life isn’t always “urgent”.

    • To make sure you take care of those relationships that are essential in your life, you have to schedule an appointment.  Put on your schedule prayer time, date night, special time.  

    • One essential way to live a balanced life is to create routines that will build good habits for you and your children. 

    • Make your time purposeful.  It's not always about the quantity of time, it's also the quality of that time. 

    • Keep in mind your mission!  The mission of your family is to confer identity, belonging and purpose upon your children.   If you don’t do it, they will seek that out from others and that is a scary prospect.  

    Couple Discussion Questions
    1. Let’s evaluate our time. Are always putting out fires? Do we feel our life is frantic?  How can we identify pain points and create routines to address them?

    2. What is the best way to use our time together?  What are the needs in our marriage and how can we satisfy those needs when we are together? 

    3. How can we use our time better with our children? What would they like to do?  

     

    7 April 2025, 10:00 am
  • More Episodes? Get the App