“I’m in my second marriage and married almost 2 years. I’m realizing he’s a covert narcissist. I am mad at myself because I didn’t think I’d find myself here again, and now learning so much on codependency. I’m on a roller coaster. I have caught him in so many lies. I don’t know why I try to get him to admit it when I know it’s constant lies. I am feeling so much in my chest, and it’s building. He does nice things for me and when I don’t show appreciation adequately he gets weird, like I didn’t show it correctly. I can’t define this ache in my chest but it’s building. Like a scream that can’t come out. I know I need to leave, but I’m frozen. How do I move forward?

“How did you keep your resolve? I've made steps toward leaving: working with a therapist, saving money, looking for a new place to live, and consulting an attorney. Attorneys advise that if you want to keep your rights to the property DON'T LEAVE IT. Instead, ask the other person how ending the relationship is going to look with the house, child custody, etc first. In keeping with the legal advice, I TOLD HIM a couple of weeks ago that I wanted to separate and asked what dealing with the house and agreeing on child custody would look like. We argued for several hours and then he backed down and essentially changed the subject (not the first time this tactic has been used). Since then, things are going OK - more peaceful and he is acknowledging when he's doing SOME things that perpetuate arguments between us and backing off - and yet I find I don't care and still want out. Is this time of peace a ruse? Another manipulation? How did you stick to your plans once you made them and the covert narcissist started "behaving", for lack of a better word?”

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://eleanormarks.net/

In this episode, Caryn Dixon tells her story publicly for the first time. Like so many others, she was in that yo-yo relationship. On again and off again. Thinking “this is over” only to give him one more chance. Trapped by hope and the belief that he will change, Caryn dug in to save her marriage many times. 

There is nothing wrong with you for choosing to believe in the person you married, for wanting to work things out with them, for fighting for the relationship, for hanging onto hope. These are not the signs that one is broken. The signs that we have been broken by this person are when our hope is gone, when we don’t have anything left, when we just don’t care anymore. That is our breaking point.

In sharing her story, Caryn gives a message of hope. She followed her heart and is chasing her dreams now. No matter how isolated you are, you can get through this. It is time to reach out for help and find the support that you need. 

From her song, “Here I am,” 

“They told me that I couldn’t fly. Gave a million reasons why I shouldn’t try. But I didn’t listen.

Well, I stumbled and I hit the ground. Get up and go another round. So here I am.”

https://www.caryndixonmusic.com/

 #abuse #covertnarcissism #podcast #gaslighting #marriedtoanarcissist #narcissism

#abuse #covertnarcissism #podcast #gaslighting #marriedtoanarcissist #narcissism 

#abuse #covertnarcissism #podcast #gaslighting #marriedtoanarcissist #narcissism 

Understanding the difference between compassion and empathy is important for anyone who is dealing with a non-empathetic person, such as a covert narcissist. Compassion and empathy are both in response to the emotions and needs of another person. Both involve some level of awareness of the other person’s needs. 

 #abuse #covertnarcissism #podcast #gaslighting #marriedtoanarcissist #narcissism 

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Podcast - Narcissist Apocalypse

#abuse #covertnarcissism #podcast #gaslighting #marriedtoanarcissist #narcissism #bullying

#abuse #covertnarcissism #podcast #gaslighting #marriedtoanarcissist #narcissism 

Let’s say I’m a covert narcissist, and I’m looking for a partner. Who am I looking for?

The best victim of gaslighting is someone who doubts themselves. One piece that makes someone quite vulnerable to gaslighting and manipulation is when their own sense of self is too reliant on the opinions of others. When we put too much weight in the belief of others to the detriment of our own belief in ourselves. 

What does it look like when our self-image is reliant on other people?

Who am I becomes who do people think I am. What do they think about me? Do they like to be around me? Am I helpful to them? Do they think I did a bad job? Do they think I’m too angry, too happy, too emotional, not emotional enough and so on?

Not only do victims of covert narcissistic abuse not see the abuse, they often join the abuser in abusing themselves. It’s the perfect storm built by this abuser in your life. Their circular conversations, projection, blame shifting, guilt manipulating, and many other tactics leave you, the victim, in complete confusion.
You accept the projecting, blaming and guilting. You defend yourself but the circular conversations convince you that you are wrong. Ultimately, you decide that maybe you are the problem. You blame yourself. You make it all your fault. You do everything you can to fix it.
You hold yourself to unreasonable standards and expectations. While the covert narcissist in your life sits and watches.
You are brainwashed into hating yourself. You squash your own self-esteem without even realizing what is going on.
The self-abuse must stop! You do deserve the help and support! You are worthy of your own love and care.