I often get asked:
•Why did this happen to me?
•How did I get here?
•How do I prevent it from ever happening again?
•How do I heal from this?
These are excellent questions and they are very related to each other. Why did this happen to me has a whole lot to do with how do I prevent it from ever happening again. How did I get here is tied closely with how do I heal from this.
You need to know about Radical Personal Responsibility - Your special weapon that is unreachable for narcissistic individuals.
Taking control of your own internal world is absolutely one of your greatest tools and something that covert narcissists can never do!! I want to explain this tool to you and then teach you how to use it. The first step is to become aware of your autopilot!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.
•Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
•Are you searching for people who get it?
•Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
•Are you running in circles in your mind?
•Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
•Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?
I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com
Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse
http://www.covertnarcissism.com
https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Not all bruises are visible—and some of the deepest ones live in the hearts of our children.

In this powerful episode, we talk about the unseen wounds of emotional abuse, especially when you're parenting alongside a covert narcissist. What happens when the world only believes abuse if they can see it? What happens to the children growing up in that invisible war zone?

If you’ve ever felt dismissed because your scars weren’t physical, or if you’re watching your children carry emotional weight no child should bear, this episode will speak to your soul. You’ll hear validation, truth, and hope for healing—for you and for your kids.

This one’s for the parent who keeps showing up, even when no one sees how hard it is. You are not alone. And your love is rewriting their story.

🎙️ Tune in now—and please, share this with someone who needs to know: their story matters too.

What a privilege it is to introduce to you Debbie Mirza! She is best-selling author of the book "The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist," one of the first books I ever read that opened my eyes to the nightmare that I was living. This book is an amazing resource for gaining awareness and understanding of covert narcissism.
Her second book "Worthy of Love' presents a gentle and restorative path to healing after narcissistic abuse. Debbie is a beautiful testimony that healing is possible and thriving is obtainable.
Debbie has such a gentle and tender heart for survivors of narcissistic abuse. Her gentle spirit and empowering strength are so encouraging and inspiring. She shows us all that it is possible to stand up for and protect yourself and yet maintain that kind and compassionate self that we all desire to be.
To learn more about Debbie's work, visit www.debbiemirza.com
June 1 is World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day. In honor of that day, for the entire month of June, I am offering all individual sessions with at a discounted rate of $99 per hour. We can meet once or we can meet as many times as you want. If you would like to take advantage of this offer, shoot me an email at renee@cnglifecoaching.com
I also want to take a quick moment and remind you that my next round of group sessions is beginning on May 31. I only have a few spots left in these groups. You can choose between Tuesday mornings or Saturday mornings. Each group runs for 6 weeks. We meet for 2 hours on Zoom each week. You receive handouts and worksheets each week. Each group consists of 10 group members, who just like you are struggling through a relationship with a covert narcissist. It is incredibly empowering to work in a group setting where you receive so much validation for the pain, confusion and doubt that you are experiencing. If you want one of these few spots remaining, please do not hesitate to contact me. These groups will fill up.

Have you ever tried to Grey Rock a covert narcissist—only to watch it completely blow up in your face? You stayed neutral, kept your answers short, and avoided reacting… but somehow, things escalated anyway.

In this episode, we dive deep into why Grey Rocking often backfires with a covert narcissist, and how to use it in a smarter, safer, and more strategic way. You'll learn how covert narcissists twist neutrality into rejection, how they bait you into reacting, and how to avoid giving them emotional fuel—without triggering more manipulation.

We’ll break down:

• Why covert narcissists hate emotional detachment
• The difference between effective Grey Rocking and silent stonewalling
• How to use “disguised disengagement” to shut down manipulation
• When NOT to Grey Rock—and what to do instead

Tune in now and learn how to outsmart the manipulation—without losing your peace.

Is a peaceful divorce possible when dealing with a covert narcissist? In this eye-opening episode, I sit down with high-conflict divorce coach Eleanor Marks to unpack the complexities of separation from a covert narcissist. We dive into the concept of radical acceptance—understanding the reality of your situation and adjusting your expectations accordingly. If you're navigating a high-conflict divorce or struggling to co-parent with a covert narcissist, this conversation will provide clarity, validation, and practical steps to regain your power.

🔹 Can a divorce ever be “healthy” with a covert narcissist?
🔹 How radical acceptance can shift your approach
🔹 Strategies to protect yourself emotionally and legally

Your freedom starts with knowledge—tune in now!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

• Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
• Are you searching for people who get it?
• Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
• Are you running in circles in your mind?
• Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
• Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Imagine being pushed, prodded, and ignored—until you finally snap. Then suddenly, you’re the problem. Sound familiar?

In this episode, we’re diving deep into reactive abuse—one of the most insidious tactics covert narcissists use to flip the script and make survivors question their reality. I’ll share real-life stories—both from childhood and marriage—illustrating how this pattern plays out, how narcissists provoke reactions only to play the victim, and why your reaction does not make you the abuser.

If you’ve ever been told, “Wow, you’re the crazy one,” or “You really have anger issues,” after finally standing up for yourself—this episode is for you. Let’s dismantle the shame and reclaim your truth.

You are not alone. Your reactions don’t define you. And you deserve to heal.

Subscribe now and don’t miss next week’s deep dive on the Grey Rock method!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

• Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
• Are you searching for people who get it?
• Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
• Are you running in circles in your mind?
• Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
• Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

In this powerful Part Two of the two-part series with Dr. Anthony Mazzella and Renee Swanson, we shift perspectives. In part one, we discussed the adult child uncovering a covert narcissistic parent, and this is featured on The Narcissism Decoder. Now we shift to the parent who realizes their adult child exhibits covert narcissistic behaviors.

Dr. Mazzella, a seasoned psychotherapist and psychoanalyst, brings his expertise in to explore the emotional turmoil, self-doubt, and painful realities parents face when confronted with this harsh truth. Together, we unpack the deep-seated psychological mechanisms that drive covert narcissism, the role of early relationship failures, and how unresolved emotional wounds shape an insatiable need for validation.

This episode offers a compassionate yet realistic discussion on:
🔹 The emotional toll on parents who recognize covert narcissistic traits in their adult children
🔹 How early relational patterns influence a child’s ability to give and receive care
🔹 The internal struggles of a covert narcissist and their unrelenting need for external validation
🔹 Strategies for parents navigating this painful dynamic—when to help, when to set boundaries, and when to step back

If you’ve struggled with feelings of guilt, confusion, or helplessness in your relationship with an emotionally manipulative adult child, this episode provides the clarity and support you need.

You can find part one on The Narcissism Decoder - https://www.drmazzella.com/the-narcissism-decoder-podcast/

In this episode, Renee Swanson discusses the challenges of dealing with circular conversations with covert narcissists. She explains how these conversations can trap individuals in a cycle of emotional manipulation and coercive control. Renee provides strategies for disengaging from these conversations, setting boundaries, and reclaiming personal space and power. She emphasizes the importance of recognizing unhealthy relationship dynamics and encourages listeners to seek help and support for their healing journey.

Takeaways

• You deserve to be heard and have space.
• Covert narcissists use circular conversations to manipulate.
• Resolution is not the goal for covert narcissists.
• Stopping a circular conversation requires awareness and boundaries.
• The gray rock method can backfire with narcissists.
• Use neutral but not cold responses to avoid escalation.
• Blocking your exit is a form of coercive control.
• You have the right to feel safe in your own home.
• Documenting your experiences can help in seeking support.
• Use calm times to strategize and find resources.

00:00 Understanding Circular Conversations with Covert Narcissists

04:12 The Manipulative Nature of Covert Narcissism

10:56 Recognizing Coercive Control and Setting Boundaries

16:19 Taking Action: Documenting and Seeking Help

#CovertNarcissism #EmotionalAbuse #BreakingFree #ToxicRelationships #HealingJourney

Keywords

covert narcissism, circular conversations, emotional manipulation, coercive control, relationship advice, self-protection, boundaries, healing, emotional health, narcissistic abuse

What happens when the very dynamics that shaped your childhood follow you into adulthood—into your marriage, friendships, and even your career? In this episode, Mindy shares her eye-opening realization that she married a version of her narcissistic mother and how her upbringing with both a covert narcissistic mom and an abusive father left her trapped in cycles of self-doubt, hypervigilance, and struggle. We’ll explore how childhood conditioning makes us perfect targets for love bombing, why receiving even the smallest gift puts us in a tailspin, and how deep-seated beliefs of unworthiness shape our adult relationships. If you’ve ever wondered What the hell happened to my family?—this episode is for you.

• Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
• Are you searching for people who get it?
• Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
• Are you running in circles in your mind?
• Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
• Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling drained, confused, or even doubting yourself? Do you feel like every attempt at connection turns into an argument, a guilt trip, or complete silence? You’re not alone.

Talking to a covert narcissist isn’t like talking to anyone else. Simple, everyday questions—What do you want for dinner? How was your day?—can be met with sighs, irritation, or even the silent treatment. And when it comes to deeper conversations, the dynamic becomes even more exhausting.

In this episode, we’re unpacking why conversations with a covert narcissist feel impossible. From dismissive one-word answers to twisted words and subtle control tactics, we’ll break down the communication patterns that leave you feeling unheard, defensive, and emotionally drained.

Most importantly, we’ll explore what you can do to protect your energy, set boundaries, and reclaim your voice.

If you’ve ever found yourself questioning, Why am I like this only with them?—this episode is for you.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

• Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
• Are you searching for people who get it?
• Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
• Are you running in circles in your mind?
• Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
• Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

What happens when a father’s love comes with invisible strings? In this episode, I dive into the hidden dynamics of covert narcissistic fathers—the ones who never yell, never hit, but control through silent treatment, guilt, and quiet punishment. If you grew up feeling like your worth was tied to achievements, if you feared disappointing a parent who never truly accepted you, this episode is for you.

We'll explore the emotional abuse that comes from covert narcissistic parenting, how their subtle manipulation impacts your sense of self, and the difficult yet necessary journey of breaking free from covert narcissism. This isn’t about destroying your relationship with your parent. It is about discovering your relationship with yourself!

If you’ve ever questioned whether your parent’s love was unconditional or transactional, this conversation will help you see the truth—and reclaim your own happiness.

Your story matters. If this episode resonates, check out my Individual Healing Program at covertnarcissism.com to start your journey toward freedom, self-acceptance, and emotional healing.

#CovertNarcissism #CovertNarcissist #CovertNarcissisticAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #HealingFromNarcissisticAbuse #NarcissisticBehavior #Gaslighting #BreakingFreeFromCovertNarcissism