An emergency situation while hiking on the Appalachian Trail resulted in an extremely normal trauma response from me. Realizing the correlations between this trauma response and my past trauma responses to covert narcissism opened my eyes. My responses to trauma are normal responses! I'm not broken. I'm not over-reactive. These situations with a covert narcissist have been traumatic, and my system responded accordingly. I hope this personal story helps you to make the same connections in your journey of healing.
I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.
I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com
Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse
http://www.covertnarcissism.com
https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism
#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast
Are you trying to decide if all you are going through is "normal," or if it is fair and reasonable?
In the last two episodes, I have talked about the codependency traits that so many victims have in common and the eternal victim role that covert narcissists play. These two things get trapped together so incredibly often.
On one side, you have a person who does no self-reflection, no self-improvement, and no internal work. Instead they express out all the ways they have been hurt in life. The abuse they suffered as a child. The mistreatment from parents, siblings, friends. The abuse they suffered from previous relationships, leaving them “broken” and insecure. The ways that everything you say hurts them, reminds them of their past abuse, resurfaces their hurt self. The eternal victim!
On the other side, you have a person who desires to care for others. To build other people up. To help others become the best they can be. To “fix” them. To save them. Willing to do the extra work. Willing to give the benefit of the doubt. To carry extra blame so the other person doesn’t have to. To carry your own load and half of theirs too. To look at your own smallest faults and blame these over the massive faults the other person displays. To hold yourself accountable for everything, while letting them off the hook for anything.
This is NOT a good combination! Works out great for the covert narcissist, who does none of the work and does anything they want all the time. It is horrible for their partner, who does all the work and never does anything they themselves want.
I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. •Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? •Are you searching for people who get it? •Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? •Are you running in circles in your mind? •Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? •Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism
Many survivors ask me, "Is something wrong with me? Will I ever be normal again?"
When you have been through a traumatic relationship, that trauma has an effect.
I say trauma for a reason.
This is not a normal relationship with its normal ups and downs.
This is not a situation where you just grew apart
There is an enormous difference between a disappointing marriage and a destructive one.
Trauma is an intense physical and psychological response to an event, series of events, or set of circumstances that is experienced as harmful or threatening. And trauma overwhelms the brain!!
I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.
I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com
Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse
http://www.covertnarcissism.com
https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism
#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast
Meet an extraordinary woman , an attorney, recipient of the governor's award for advocacy with survivors of domestic violence, and international best selling author who triumphed over narcissistic abuse, with two marriages to narcissists behind her, she harnessed the transformative power of her mind and thoughts on her path to healing and personal growth. Her transformation came when she shifted from “why me” to “for me”. Hear her incredible story today!
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100092716308108&mibextid=LQQJ4d
I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com
Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse
http://www.covertnarcissism.com
https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism #Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcastI hear so many people who have lived with a covert narcissist describe this person as a victim of everything. They can make everything be an attack on them or another way they got slighted.
Covert narcissists love to play the victim role. They see themselves as an eternal victim. They will deny this of course. If you try to talk to them about it, then they will often react with sullenness and despair at how much your words are hurting them. Taking them right back into that victim role. Of course, you can’t say this is exactly what I am talking about because they will just loop it right back around on you.
It isn’t always clear as to whether they actually truly see themselves as victims or not. Do they believe they are victims or are they just manipulating the social situation to feed their intense need for attention? This is not always clear. But regardless, the victim mentality fills many of the needs of a covert narcissist. It goes hand in hand with many of the characteristics of narcissism, and we are going to explore this today.
This victim role is so damaging when you, as a kind, caring and compassionate person, have a burning desire to help others, to treat others with respect, to care for others. We often go too far in believing that their pain and suffering is all our fault. If you are struggling with this, please listen to this episode today!
#abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #covertnarcissism #podcast
I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com
Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse
http://www.covertnarcissism.com
https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism #Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcastI now know the role that my own codependent tendencies played in creating this match. This match that I was convinced was made in heaven. This match that I truly believed was perfect. This match that was such a disaster. This match that nearly destroyed my own health and the lives of my boys.
I realize now how much my own background played a part in all of this. How that very background could cause me to easily repeat this pattern, like so many do. So many victims leave one abusive relationship and walk directly into another one. I get asked so often, how do I break this cycle of toxic relationships?
Start by looking, not at those you are with, but instead directly at yourself. Your own tendencies, your own survival skills, your own reactions, your own expectations, your own boundaries or lack thereof. Let’s look at YOU!
NO, this isn't your fault in any way!! You didn't ask for the abuse in any way! But these codependent tendencies make us huge targets for narcissistic people, especially covert narcissists. It is time to break this cycle!!
I have faced the massive amounts of confusion
I have been curled up on the floor of my closet unable to function
I have faced all the self-doubt and self-blame.
I've never tried so hard in anything in my life as I did at this marriageThis is not a normal relationship, a normal marriage, or a normal breakup.
Fortress Debt can help you gain your financial freedom!
www.covertnarcissism.com/fortress
I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com
Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse
http://www.covertnarcissism.com
https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism #Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcastI can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com
Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse
http://www.covertnarcissism.com
https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism #Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcastYour feedback is valuable to us. Should you encounter any bugs, glitches, lack of functionality or other problems, please email us on [email protected] or join Moon.FM Telegram Group where you can talk directly to the dev team who are happy to answer any queries.