Oh no! You've become unstuck in time and now you're in 15th century England with no idea what to do or how to avoid a miserable life as a social pariah who speaks an unrecognisable language and is ignorant to the rules and structure of the world around you! There has to be a better way! Or is there? Join Olivia and Aran as they journey back to medieval times to figure out the best way to get by. Should you become a monk or a nun? Have a go at blacksmithing? Or try to wow the village rubes with modern technology and ideas? All these options and more will be discussed in the search for a decent medieval life.

For more on some of what we discuss, check out:

• Database of England's immigrants 1330-1550
  • https://www.englandsimmigrants.com/
• Some case studies of individual immigrants in medieval England, including so-called "Prince of Inde" John Balbat and fake Jerseyman Giles Morvyle
  • https://www.englandsimmigrants.com/page/individual-studies
• William Lee and his frame knitting machine
  • https://alumni.christs.cam.ac.uk/william-lee
• The prologue to the Canterbury Tales, read in Middle English
  • https://archive.org/details/lp_prologue-to-the-canterbury-tales-read-in-m_geoffrey-chaucer-nevill-coghill-norman-dav

It's grim up north...

Why did a five-hundred-year-old Viking colony in Greenland suddenly disappear, with no trace or record? In this episode, Olivia, Aran, and local archaeologist Joe Mason assemble to try and solve one of the most enduring mysteries in medieval history. It's a quest that will take them out of the libertarian "paradise" of 11th century, to the freezing walrus-infested shores of Greenland, and beyond - to the promised land of Vinland. Along the way they'll encounter Native American ghosts, Inuit revenge epics, and the Vikings' love of pointless, cyclical violence.

Sources:

The Saga of the Greenlanders: https://vidforul.wordpress.com/the-saga-of-the-greenlanders/

The Saga of Erik the Red: https://sagadb.org/eiriks_saga_rauda.en

"Tales and Traditions of the Eskimo" by Hinrich Johannes Rink: https://sacred-texts.com/nam/inu/tte/index.htm

Music used:

Peta, Etulu & Susan - This Land is Your Land (Inuktitut) - https://citizenfreak.com/titles/319453-peta-etulu-susan-songs-by-etulu-susan-peta

Olafur reid med Bjorgum fram - https://www.loc.gov/item/2017701460/

Yes, you heard us right!! Join Olivia and Aran as they defend their most dubious claim to date, which is definitely not just an excuse to step beyond our usual remit and talk about the wild, delightful world that was Edo Period Japan! We explore why Edo Japan was so cut off from the world and the effects this had on its society, plus some of the cultural developments that took place along the way. Also discussed are

• The legend of the tanuki and the train
  • https://www.proquest.com/docview/1036926966?sourcetype=Scholarly%20Journals
• Kume Kunitake's diaries of travel in Europle and the United States
  • https://archive.org/details/japanrisingiwaku0000kume/
• An overview of the Satsuma rebellion
  • https://www.jstor.org/stable/2383560
• The decline of the Japanese warrior class
  • https://www.jstor.org/stable/25790888

The song used in this episode is sōran bushi, a Japanese folk song traditionally sung by fishers.

Journey across space and time with Olivia and Aran this week as we head to medieval Wales, home of one of history's finest bardic traditions. But what was a bard, what did they do, and why did Wales have so darn many of them? Give the episode a listen to learn all this and more! Also discussed are sand worms, long houses, and why foxes are better than babes.

For more on some of what we discuss, check out:

• English translations of Dafydd ap Gwilym's poetry
  • https://dafyddapgwilym.net/eng/3win.php
• Y Goddodin
  • https://www.jstor.org/stable/48578318
• The Court Poets of the Welsh Princes
  • https://www.jstor.org/stable/459824
• Performance and Literacy in Medieval Welsh Poetry
  • https://www.jstor.org/stable/3737807

Music sources for this episode:

• Intro: https://archive.org/details/78_bugeilior-gwenith-gwyn-idle-days-in-summer-time_gwilym-williams-frances-williams_gbia0015181a
• Breaks: https://archive.org/details/78_evanss-jigg_the-folk-dance-orchestra-w-s-gwynn-williams-p-green-philip-green_gbia0511441b
• Bard rap battle (track 3): https://archive.org/details/lp_spanish-medieval-music_new-york-pro-musica-alfonso-x-el-sabio/disc1/01.03.+Cantigua+XXV%3B+Cantigua+CXXXIX.mp3

Something tells me it's all happening at the zoo...

Spring is just around the corner in the northern hemisphere, so it's time to learn some animal facts! Turns out, medieval people had all sorts of strange beliefs about wildlife both real and imagined. So, join Olivia, Aran, and beloved naturalist Sir David Attenborough* as they take you to meet fruit-rustling hedgehogs, homicidal pelicans, immortal eagles, and the most tender lovers in the animal kingdom: bears.

Also discussed: the existential terror of Animorphs, CS Lewis' creative process, and which animals are Jesus.

• An excellent English translation of a Latin bestiary https://digital.library.wisc.edu/1711.dl/PVFA6XOOSG2448C
• The Ashmole Bestiary https://digital.bodleian.ox.ac.uk/objects/faeff7fb-f8a7-44b5-95ed-cff9a9ffd198/
• The Northumberland Bestiary https://www.getty.edu/art/collection/object/109AX3

*Not really.

Anyone who's anyone in the Middle Ages needs their own coat of arms, but it's not as simple as just throwing some snazzy shapes and cool animals on a shield and calling it a day. Join Olivia and Aran as they walk you through how to make your very own authentically (or inauthentically) medieval coat of arms, as well as a little bit of background on how and why these cool emblems became a quintessential part of medieval visual communication. Also discussed are short king representation, why leopards are bastards, and the glory of Peterhead FC.

For more on some of what we discuss, check out:

• An English translation of John Trevor's heraldic treatise
  • https://archive.org/details/medievalheraldry0000ejjo/
• Geoffrey Chaucer's testimony in favour of Sir Richard Scrope
  • https://chaucer.fas.harvard.edu/pages/deposition-geoffrey-chaucer-esquire-1386
• Heraldry, Ancient and Modern by Charles Boutell
  • https://archive.org/details/heraldryancientm00bout/

Weird Medieval Guys is back! And it's gone woke!!!!!!

We all know medieval women didn't have it so good. Endlessly discriminated against in law, demeaned in culture and ignored in the histories. So, did anyone take issue with that? Turns out, yes! This week Olivia and Aran take you through the cultural milieu that produced Christine de Pizan, the poet / political scientist / gender polemnicist who revolutionized fourteenth-century debate and was (maybe?) the world's first feminist.

Also discussed: the origins of the wage gap, the medieval Yoko Ono, and whether losers will listen to this episode before getting mad about it on the internet!

Further reading:

Joan Kelly, "Early Feminist Theory and the "Querelle des Femmes", 1400-1789" https://www.jstor.org/stable/3173479

Fiona Tolhurst, "Geoffrey and Gender: the Works of Geoffrey of Monmouth as Medieval “Feminism”", in A Companion to Geoffrey of Monmouth, eds. Georgia Henley and Joshua Byron Smith https://www.jstor.org/stable/pdf/10.1163/j.ctv2gjwzx0.20.pdf?refreqid=fastly-default%3Ab0f9ab96223431831c1834f0de4f492d&ab_segments=0%2FSYC-7052%2Fcontrol&origin=&initiator=search-results&acceptTC=1

An English translation of Christine de Pizan's Book of the City of Ladies https://www.docdroid.net/file/download/lFahHSo/the-book-of-the-city-of-ladies-by-christine-de-pizan-earl-jeffrey-richards-transl-z-liborg-pdf.pdf

The year is 1453 and the Ottomans are at the gates of the great city of Constantinople. For centuries, they have been laying siege to this city; for centuries their efforts have failed. But this time, everything is going to be different. Constantinople is going to fall.

How did history lead them there, though? And how exactly are the events of the siege going to play out? Olivia and Aran wrap up their magnificent two-part overview of Constantinople with an exploration of how the Ottoman Turks came to be the most powerful force in Anatolia and how they finally managed to claim Constantinople for themselves. Also discussed are the Wild East, Scottish things, and the simple pleasures of a flaked almond.

For more on some of what we discuss, check out:

• This biography of Mehmed the Conqueror by Franz Babinger https://archive.org/details/mehmedconqueror00fran/mode/2up
• Nicolo Barbaro's first-hand account of the siege of Constantinople https://deremilitari.org/2016/08/the-siege-of-constantinople-in-1453-according-to-nicolo-barbaro/

The music used in the intro and outro of this episode is a public domain recording of the Ottoman march Ceddin Deden.

https://archive.org/details/lp_turkey-a-musical-journey-traditional-son_various/disc1/02.07.+Mehter+Music.mp3

Additional music used throughout is a public domain recording of a Turkish folk song called "Girl from Kermen" https://archive.org/details/lp_songs-and-dances-of-turkey_various/disc1/01.05.+Girl+From+Kermen+(Love+Song+From+Central+Turkey).mp3

After nearly half a year adrift on the seas of medieval history, it is finally time for Olivia and Aran to wash ashore on the hospitable shores of a little town called CONSTANTINOPLE. Join us for part 1 of 2 about the great medieval megalopolis as we explore the city from its prehistoric foundation to its siege by Catholic crusaders. And be sure to stay tuned for part 2, the incredible story of the Ottoman siege! Also discussed are worm biology, the elusive water sheep, and the viking urge to inscribe rocks.

Interesting web links:

• Chinese accounts of Rome http://depts.washington.edu/silkroad/texts/weilue/weilue.html
• Viking graffiti in the Hagia Sophia https://sites.nd.edu/manuscript-studies/2020/06/05/varangian-guards-and-their-traces-in-istanbul-runic-inscriptions-in-hagia-sophia/
• A translated excerpt from The Book of the Prefect https://www.uwyo.edu/lawlib/blume-justinian/_files/docs/Book-1PDF/Book%201-28.pdf

Further reading:

Richard Fidler, Ghost Empire

Judith Herrin, Byzantium: The Surprising Life of a Medieval Empire

Bettany Hughes, Istanbul: A Tale of Three Cities

The music used in this episode's intro is a public domain recording of the Greek folk song Απ' τον καημό μου πίνω (I drink because of my sorrow)

https://archive.org/details/78_title-in-greek_contributors-in-greek_gbia0033944a

Additional music clips used throughout are from that song and another Greek folk song Πειραιώτισσα (The girl from Piraeus/Piraeotissa)

https://archive.org/details/78_title-in-greek_contributors-in-greek_gbia0033944b

Weird Medieval Guys is back, and there's more audience participation than ever! In this episode, Aran and Olivia tackle a litany of listener questions on the most important medieval topics, like the conversion of the Vikings, the best names for dogs, and whether medieval life was mid and evil. Also discussed are jambalaya, the importance of simping and the gruesome fate of Mickey Mouse.

Order Weird Medieval Guys: How to Live, Laugh, Love (and Die) in Dark Times by Olivia M. Swarthout: https://www.penguin.co.uk/books/455674/weird-medieval-guys-by-swarthout-olivia/9781529908305

Order merch from the Weird Medieval Guys merch shop: https://weirdmedievalguys.bigcartel.com/

Further reading:

"The names of all manner of hounds: a unique inventory in a fifteenth-century manuscript" by David Scott-Mcnab https://www.academia.edu/44222801/THE_NAMES_OF_ALL_MANNER_OF_HOUNDS_A_UNIQUE_INVENTORY_IN_A_FIFTEENTH_CENTURY_MANUSCRIPT

Ibn Fadlan's account of a Viking funeral: https://www.mrtredinnick.com/uploads/7/2/1/5/7215292/ibn_fadlan_-_account_of_a_viking_burial.pdf

Istanbul: A Tale of Three Cities by Bettany Hughes: https://www.bettanyhughes.co.uk/istanbul-a-tale-of-three-cities

Olivia's approach to episode planning: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QFM8VD_Nbs

Amusing Ourselves to Death by Neil Postman: https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/74034

The Knight's Toast by Sir Walter Scott: https://www.loc.gov/item/jukebox-130606/

War Song of the Normans: https://www.loc.gov/item/jukebox-11937/

In this episode, Olivia and Aran are joined by a delightful host of guests from Weird Medieval Guys podcast episodes past as they prepare to put on the perfect medieval holiday party. Join them for a journey through medieval festive traditions that will tell you everything you need to know to do the same, from what kind of booze to bring wassailing to what creature's head should be roast and served on a plate and what kinds of entertainment you can expect. Also discussed are gay Dracula's emotional health, whether boar enjoy being stabbed, and who brings presents to Catalonian children. For more on some of what we discuss, check out:

• Medieval Hanukkah traditions: Jewish festive foods in their European contexts
  • https://www.academia.edu/12348903/Medieval_Hanukkah_traditions_Jewish_festive_foods_in_their_European_contexts
• Holiday Gifts in the Middle Ages
  • https://www.medievalists.net/2021/12/holiday-gifts-middle-ages/
• The Origins of the Christmas Date: Some Recent Trends in Historical Research
  • https://www.jstor.org/stable/23358685?read-now=1&seq=9#page_scan_tab_contents
• The Mouth of the Boar as a Symbol in Medieval Literature
  • https://www.jstor.org/stable/44940429?read-now=1&seq=4#page_scan_tab_contents