In this episode, Dr. Dan Allender, a pioneer in Christian counseling and founder of The Allender Center, joins Dr. Alison to explore the raw, real work of marriage, trauma, and intimacy. Known for his groundbreaking book, The Wounded Heart, Allender has spent decades teaching how personal trauma shapes relationships. And on the very day of his 48th wedding anniversary, he openly shares how these dynamics continue to play out in his own marriage.

In this episode, we dive into:

* The surprising (and hilarious) fight he and his wife had the night before their anniversary

* Why marriage is both heaven and hell—and why that’s actually a good thing

* The childhood wounds that have impacted his own marriage

* Why logic doesn’t help when we get emotionally hijacked

* How to fight well and grow through conflict

Check out The Deep Rooted Marriage anywhere books are sold.

Have a question for Dr. Alison? Leave it here.

Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here.

If you enjoyed this episode, you'll love:

• Episode 137: The Mindful Marriage—Overcome Pain Cycles and Discover the Surprising Secret to Lasting Love with Ron and Nan Deal

Thanks to our sponsors:

• Go to Quince.com/bestofyou for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order!
• Go to AquaTru.com and enter code BESTOFYOU at checkout to get 20% OFF any AquaTru purifier!
• Contact Restoring the Soul today and learn how their Intensive Counseling Process can jump start your journey to the place you want to be. As a special gift for The Best of You podcast listeners, download their free pdf "5 Ways Unresolved Trauma May Be Derailing Your Relationship."
• Turn back time on the appearance of your skin with Purity Woods’s Age-Defying Dream Cream. Go to puritywoods.com/BESTOFYOU or enter code BESTOFYOU at checkout for an additional 10% off your first order.

Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this powerful episode, Dr. Alison welcomes Adam Young, a psychotherapist and author of the new book, “Make Sense of Your Story”, to dive into the complexities of family dynamics, and how the stories we tell about our families shape our adult lives. Adam shares his personal experiences and professional insights on how being triangulated within his family as a child impacted his psychological development and emotional health.

Here's what you'll learn:

* Why it’s crucial to identify family myths

* The unique trauma of being the chosen child

* Idealizing families—why we do it & how it hurts us

* The danger of self-betrayal in relationships

* The #1 way to heal childhood attachment wounds

* Traits of securely attached relationships

Get Make Sense of Your Story by Adam Young

Have a question for Dr. Alison? Leave it here.

Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here.

If you enjoyed this episode, you'll love:

• Episode 79: Surviving Trauma & A Path to Forgiveness—Finding God In the Hardest Parts of Your Story With Esau McCaulley

Thanks to our sponsors:

• Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou today and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today.
• This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/BESTOFYOU and get on your way to being your best self.
• Contact Restoring the Soul today and learn how their Intensive Counseling Process can jump start your journey. As a special gift for The Best of You podcast listeners, visit www.restoringthesoul.com/bestofyou to download their pdf "5 Ways Unresolved Trauma May Be Derailing Your Relationship."
• Go to Quince.com/bestofyou for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order!

Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this special bonus episode of The Best of You podcast, Dr. Alison welcomes Annie F. Downs, New York Times bestselling author and founder of the That Sounds Fun network. Together, they explore the balance between joy and hardship, and the crucial differences between escapism and genuine relief. Annie also shares the poignant story behind her new children’s book, Where Did TJ Go? as well as insights into how fun and play can be integral to healing.

Here’s what we cover:

* The negative internal messages Annie had to overcome

* The difference between real relief and escapism

* Annie's personal journey through grief and how it has deepened her understanding of joy

* Practical advice on integrating play into everyday life

* An exclusive look into Annie’s new children's book, a heartfelt tool for families navigating grief

Purchase Annie's new children's book Where did TJ Go?

Have a question for Dr. Alison? Leave it here.

Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here.

If you enjoyed this episode, you'll love

• Episode 142: Digital Detox—Surprising Insights from 7 Screen-Free Weeks with Monks & Amish Farmers Featuring Carlos Whittaker

Thanks to our sponsors:

• Go to Quince.com/bestofyou for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! 
• Contact Restoring the Soul today and learn how their Intensive Counseling Process can jump start your journey or launch. And be sure to visit www.restoringthesoul.com/bestofyou to download their pdf called "5 Ways Unresolved Trauma May Be Derailing Your Relationship."

Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week Dr. Alison dives into a heartfelt exploration of rejection, including how we internalize rejection from early life experiences, and how these moments shape our sensitivity to social dynamics and self-perception later in life. Dr. Alison shares personal stories and scientific insights to unpack the physical and emotional impacts of rejection, offering a pathway to healing and acceptance.

You’ll learn:

* How early experiences of rejection influence our reactions and relationships in adulthood

* The scientific basis for why rejection hurts so much

* Strategies for reframing our internal narratives

* Practical tips for engaging with the parts of ourselves that still feel the sting of past rejections

Have a question for Dr. Alison? Leave it here.

Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here.

If you enjoyed this episode, you'll love:

• Episode 87: A Surprising Way to Break Free From Self-Criticism & Comparing Yourself to Others

Thanks to our sponsors:

• Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou today and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today.
• Turn back time on the appearance of your skin with Purity Woods’s Age-Defying Dream Cream. Go to puritywoods.com/BESTOFYOU or enter code BESTOFYOU at checkout for an additional 10% off your first order.
• Go to Quince.com/bestofyou for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order!

Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this profoundly insightful episode, Dr. Alison explores the often overlooked "young places" within our souls with John Eldredge, New York Times bestselling author, counselor, and the author of the new book Experience Jesus. Really. Together, they explore how these inner areas of wounding can lead to transformative encounters with Jesus, providing opportunities for deeper healing through experiencing God’s loving presence.

Here’s what we cover:

*John's challenge to move past our over-reliance on left-brain thinking

*The surprising ways God beckons our souls toward healing

*A powerful example of how Jesus responds to young parts carrying trauma

*The critical mistake many make when seeking healing

*Why John believes we are all like amphibians

*The difference between the illusion of security and the reality of safety

Get Experience Jesus. Really here

Have a question for Dr. Alison? Leave it here.

Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here.

If you enjoyed this episode, you'll love:

• Episode 76: When Self-Help Isn’t Enough—Finding the Faith & Strength to Move Forward after Loss & Heartache With Granger Smith

Thanks to our sponsors:

• Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou today and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today.
• This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/BESTOFYOU and get on your way to being your best self.
• Go to Quince.com/bestofyou for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order!
• As a listener of The Best of You Podcast, you can qualify to see a registered dietitian for as little as $0 by visiting faynutrition.com/bestofyou.

Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today, we're diving deep into something that touches so many of us—why we seek external validation and approval from others, and how healing our younger parts can set us free. If you've ever found yourself people-pleasing, perfecting, over-performing, or seeking approval from others, this episode is for you.We’ll explore:


✔️ Why younger parts of us drive our overfunctioning tendencies


✔️ How unmet childhood needs shape our patterns of guilt and perfectionism


✔️ The difference between external validation and true inner security


✔️ My own journey of reconnecting with an 8-year-old part of me (and how it changed everything)


✔️ Simple, practical ways you can start reparenting your younger self today

Whether you're longing for more joy, play, and vitality—or you're ready to step off the hamster wheel of approval-seeking—this episode will give you tools to start reconnecting with the young parts of you that have been waiting for your attention.

Have a question for Dr. Alison? Leave it here.

Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here.

If you enjoyed this episode, you'll love:

• Episode 138: Breaking Free from Overfunctioning—Discover the Hidden Costs of Always Being 'The Responsible One’
• ‍Episode 140: If You Struggle with Guilt and Second-Guessing Yourself, This Will Set You Free – How to Stop Blaming Yourself for Things That Aren’t Your Fault
• Episode 39: Boundaries for Your Soul—How to Navigate Your Overwhelming Thoughts & Feelings

Thanks to our sponsors:

• Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou today and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today.
• Go to puritywoods.com/BESTOFYOU or enter code BESTOFYOU at checkout for an additional 10% off your first order.
• Go to Quince.com/bestofyou for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order!
• Sign up for AromaTru's Insider Club today and you'll receive a FREE Waterless Oil Diffuser and a FREE lemon eucalyptus oil - that's over $200 in savings. Head to aromatruorganics.com/bestofyou to take advantage of this exclusive offer.

Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this unmissable bonus episode, Dr. Alison chats with Carlos Whittaker, best-selling author and podcast host, about his life-changing experience of going screen-free for seven weeks.

Immersing himself in the world of monks and Amish farmers, Carlos took a bold step away from the digital grind to reclaim his sense of connection with God, his community, and himself.

Tune in to discover the profound life lessons Carlos learned from his digital detox, and how you, too, can find the simple joys of human connection in your daily life. You'll leave this episode inspired to make meaningful changes that enhance your connections with those around you!

Pick up Carlos Whittaker's new book, Reconnected.

Have a question for Dr. Alison? Leave it here.

Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here.

If you enjoyed this episode, you'll love:

• Episode 36: An Update on My Social Media Detox & How to Create Boundaries With Toxic Distractions, Numbing, & Unhealthy Coping Tactics

Thanks to our sponsor:

• Go to Quince.com/bestofyou for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order!

Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever wondered how to transform daily stress into personal strength and resilience?

In today's must-listen episode, Dr. Alison is joined by the incredible Aundi Kolber, a trauma therapist and bestselling author of Try Softer. You’ll hear the backstory behind Aundi's latest book, Take What You Need and learn tools needed to develop and practice self-compassion. This episode covers:

* How to recognize when you're outside of your window of tolerance

* What most of us have gotten wrong about developing resilience

* The research behind self-compassion and why it leads to unexpected strength

* A beautiful metaphor from the Bible to empower and encourage you on your own journey of healing

Order Take What You Need here

Have a question for Dr. Alison? Leave it here.

Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here.

If you enjoyed this episode, you'll love:

• Episode 129: Understanding Anxiety—A Step-by-Step Guide to Finding Calm, Advocating For Yourself, and Cultivating Inner Resilience

Thanks to our sponsors:

• This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/BESTOFYOU and get on your way to being your best self.
• Get ahead of the New Year with a routine that helps you now by going to Seed.com/bestofyou and use code 25BESTOFYOU to get 25% off your first month.
• Go to Quince.com/bestofyou for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order!

Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you feel guilty for not doing enough—or take responsibility for things that aren’t yours to own?

Today Dr. Alison tackles the complex feelings of guilt and self-doubt—what guilt truly is, why it can feel so crushing, and how it often stems from taking responsibility for things that aren’t yours to own. She shares from her own journey of overcoming excessive guilt and the life-changing perspective that finally set her free.

Here’s what we cover:

* How to distinguish between true guilt and false guilt, and why it matters

* The #1 most important question to ask yourself when guilt takes over

* 3 buried emotions underneath false guilt

* Why excessive guilt damages your relationships

* 3 steps to help you understand and manage the voice of guilt in your life

Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here.

Have a question for Dr. Alison? Leave it here.

If you enjoyed this episode, you'll love:

• Episode 93: 3 Ways to Stop Guilt-Tripping Yourself, Untangle Complicated Emotions, & Discover the Joy of Clarity

Thanks to our sponsors:

• Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou today and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today.
• Go to puritywoods.com/BESTOFYOU or enter code BESTOFYOU at checkout for an additional 10% off your first order.
• Go to Quince.com/bestofyou for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order!

Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if the behaviors you turn to for comfort—whether it’s overworking, people-pleasing, or numbing out—aren’t the real problem, but rather a signal from a part of you that’s desperately trying to help?

In this powerful and delightful episode, I sit down with Ian Morgan Cron—bestselling author and renowned Enneagram expert—to explore the fascinating intersections between Internal Family Systems (IFS) and the 12 Steps.

Here's what we cover. . .

* Why we’re all addicts in some way—and how the 12 Steps apply to everyone

* What “firefighters” are in Internal Family Systems (IFS) and how they work to protect us

* The true source of numbing behaviors

* The surprising and liberating goal of the 12 Steps and what it means for all of us

* Practical ways to find a safe person to share your struggles honestly and vulnerably

* How we can all achieve emotional sobriety

Pick up Ian's new book The Fix wherever books are sold.

Have a question for Dr. Alison? Leave it here.

Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here.

If you enjoyed this episode, you'll love:

• Episode 108: Inside Out—Internal Family Systems, Therapy, and High-Performing Protectors with Jenna Riemersma

Thanks to our sponsors:

• As a listener of The Best of You Podcast, you can qualify to see a registered dietitian for as little as $0 by visiting faynutrition.com/bestofyou.
• Go to Quince.com/bestofyou for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order!

Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you always the one taking care of and fixing problems for everyone else?

Today, I'm taking a deep dive into the heart of overfunctioning—exploring why so many of us feel compelled to take on excessive responsibilities, often at the cost of our own well-being. I delve into parentification, which I believe often lies at the root of overfunctioning. I also share how understanding these dynamics through Mel Robbins' "Let Them Theory" can offer powerful insights for change.

Whether you're tired of always being 'the responsible one' or you're seeking to understand your deep-seated need to please others, this discussion will clarify the roots of these behaviors and guide you toward a path of healing and freedom.

Here’s what we cover:

*What is overfunctioning, and how does it impact your life?

*How childhood parentification fuels overfunctioning in adulthood

*5 clear signs you were parentified as a child

*3 practical steps to start healing

*How Mel Robbins’ Let Them Theory transforms boundary setting

Have a question for Dr. Alison? Leave it here.

Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here.

If you enjoyed this episode, you'll love: Episode 5: What is Codependency and Why Does it Matter?

Thanks to our sponsors:

• Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou today and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today.
• This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/BESTOFYOU and get on your way to being your best self.
• Go to Quince.com/bestofyou for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order!
• Go to puritywoods.com/BESTOFYOU or enter code BESTOFYOU at checkout for an additional 10% off your first order.

Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices