"Waking Up to Narcissism" is a podcast hosted by Tony Overbay, LMFT, host of the award-winning Virtual Couch podcast, dedicated to helping individuals recognize and navigate narcissistic traits and tendencies in their relationships and within themselves. With a focus on emotional immaturity versus narcissism, Tony provides tools and guidance for personal growth and managing relationships with narcissistic or emotionally immature individuals, even if that individual is you!
In this episode of The Virtual Couch Presents: Waking Up to Narcissism, host Tony Overbay explores the transformative journey of healing from relationships with emotionally immature or narcissistic partners. With the popularity of the 'Death by a Thousand Cuts' series, Tony introduces a new perspective—'Growth by a Thousand Stitches.' The episode features real stories from listeners who have found strength and self-worth through small, impactful victories. Tony delves into various categories such as reclaiming simple joys, embracing self-care, setting healthy boundaries, and rediscovering personal identity. This episode is filled with hope, tangible steps towards healing, and inspiring testimonials that underscore the power of self-love and personal growth. Subscribe, share, and join Tony and his community on this journey of healing and transformation.
00:00 Introduction and Welcome
01:21 The Impact of 'Death by a Thousand Cuts'
05:08 Understanding Switzerland Friends
09:15 The Healing Journey Begins
14:51 Reclaiming Simple Joys
16:57 Physical and Emotional Self-Care
18:52 Creating Safe Spaces
20:44 Building New Relationships
21:55 The Power of Boundaries
23:31 Rediscovering Identity
24:19 Finding Joy in Forbidden Activities
26:12 Embracing Imperfection
27:14 Processing Emotions
28:57 Creating New Traditions
29:30 Building Self-Trust
32:32 Learning to Take Up Space
33:26 Embracing Spiritual and Personal Growth
33:55 Finding Strength in Community
35:27 Creating New Measures of Success
36:17 Embracing Self-Care Without Guilt
38:57 Setting Healthy Boundaries
40:01 Finding Joy in the Present
40:27 Conclusion: The Journey of Healing
If you are interested in joining Tony's private Facebook group for women in narcissistic or emotionally immature relationships of any type, please reach out to him at [email protected] or through the form on the website, HTTP://www.tonyoverbay.com
If you are a man interested in joining Tony's "Emotional Architects" group to learn how to better navigate your relationship with a narcissistic or emotionally immature partner or learn how to become more emotionally mature yourself, please reach out to Tony at [email protected] or through the form on the website, HTTP:www.tonyoverbay.com
Have you ever been told you're 'too sensitive' or that you need to ‘get over it,’ or ‘don’t worry about it,’ but that only causes you to worry more, or feel less connected to others, or even yourself? Or have you been told that your sensitivity must mean you're on the autism spectrum? Or are you on the autisim spectrum and can you also identify with many of the characteristics of Highly Sensitive People? With over 2.2 million views and hundreds of comments on recent viral videos about Highly Sensitive People (HSPs), it's clear this topic strikes a nerve. Drawing from his experience working with both HSPs and individuals with ASD, Tony dives deep into why these distinct experiences are often confused - and why understanding the difference isn't just interesting, it's essential for creating a more empathetic world.
Through viral video statistics, personal anecdotes, and real-world examples, he breaks down how HSPs (representing 15-20% of the population) and individuals with ASD navigate life differently. From sensory processing to social dynamics, discover why that deep emotional processing might actually be an evolutionary advantage rather than a disorder. Along the way, the discussion explores how ADHD and NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) intersect with these experiences.
This episode provides crucial insights into recognizing, understanding, and supporting both HSPs and individuals with ASD. Whether questioning your own experiences or trying to better understand someone else's, listeners will find the clarity and validation they've been seeking. Perfect for anyone who's ever felt misunderstood about their sensitivity or confused about where they fit in the neurodiversity spectrum. Join Tony for an eye-opening discussion that might just change how you see yourself - or someone you love."
00:00 Welcome and Introduction
00:30 The Viral Video on Highly Sensitive People
01:04 Behind the Scenes: Social Media Stats
02:05 Addressing Misconceptions and Personal Insights
03:26 A Personal Anecdote: The Butterfly Bandage
04:12 Responding to Drive-By Comments
04:29 Understanding Highly Sensitive People (HSP) vs Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)
07:27 Story Time: Sarah and Michael's Interaction
18:57 The Evolutionary Purpose of High Sensitivity
21:39 Traits and Characteristics of Highly Sensitive People
29:17 Challenges Faced by Highly Sensitive People
33:59 The Importance of Curiosity and Understanding
35:30 Understanding Human Uniqueness
36:22 Fascinating Facts About Human Preferences
37:22 The Complexity of Sensitivity
39:20 Exploring Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)
40:49 Comparing HSP and ASD Sensory Experiences
54:50 Social Interactions: HSP vs. ASD
01:00:47 Nonverbal Communication Differences
01:04:26 Emotional Energy and Social Fatigue
01:08:05 Final Thoughts and Listener Engagement
Have you ever tried selling a grand piano on Facebook Marketplace? Our latest episode of the Q&A Files kicks off with some personal tales of downsizing and the hilarious adventures that come with it. Join us as Trisha Jamison, a board-certified functional nutritionist, and Tony Overbay, a licensed marriage and family therapist and seasoned podcaster from The Virtual Couch, and Waking Up To Narcissism, discuss these issues for Tony's podcast, The Virtual Couch.
Trisha and Tony discuss emotional immaturity and narcissistic traits and offer a path to healthier relationships. We share our own journeys of growth and healing to show how. This episode delves into the challenges of navigating emotionally complex relationships and the power of validation. Whether dealing with resistance from a partner or unlocking the transformative potential of self-awareness, our candid discussions aim to provide fresh perspectives and practical strategies for listeners who might be walking similar paths.
Join us next time as we discuss how to keep your relationships fresh by talking to a newlywed couple who are just as cute as can be! Follow the Q&A Files Podcast on Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/1k2Oh4rY9VCp1tVeu14dxk?si=a39537613900475b Apple Podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-q-a-files/id1730736061 or wherever you listen to podcasts.
Tony welcomes Ashlynn Allen to the podcast. Ashlynn shares her journey from fitness influencer to betrayal trauma survivor to empowerment coach and highlights the strength of facing life’s challenges with authenticity and courage. Once part of the very successful “The Betrayed, the Addicted, and the Expert,” Ashlynn’s story as the betrayal played out on the public stage only to surprisingly end in her ex-husband asking her for a divorce. She shares what it took to survive betrayal, navigate a divorce, and find an unexpected new chapter in life. Tony and Ashlynn dive deep into topics such as the messy parts of healing, the importance of vulnerability, and letting go of the need for certainty. Ashlynn also talks about how she found joy in roller skating and built a new relationship despite initial reservations. She also shares a powerful metaphor of how a buffalo weathers a storm. Tune in for this inspiring conversation about resilience, growth, and the power of facing life's storms head-on.
You can learn more about Ashlynn at https://thisisashlynn.com/ or on Instagram @this.isashlynn
00:00 Introduction and Special Guest Announcement
00:15 Ashlyn Allen's Journey: From Fitness Influencer to Empowerment Coach
00:30 Meeting Ashlyn: The Beginning of a Transformative Friendship
00:44 Navigating Betrayal and Personal Growth
00:59 Ashlyn's Coaching Practice and Public Vulnerability
01:12 The Power of Sharing and Finding Joy in Healing
01:31 Deep Dive: Ashlyn's Experience with Betrayal Trauma
01:57 The Challenges and Rewards of Vulnerability
02:35 Tony and Ashlyn Reconnect: Reflecting on Past Collaborations
02:44 Ashlyn's Story: From Betrayal to Empowerment
05:27 The Impact of Public Vulnerability and Social Media
08:49 Therapy, Coaching, and the Journey to Healing
11:50 The Reality of Helping Others Through Personal Experience
13:15 The Emotional Toll of Public Vulnerability
18:08 The End of a Marriage: Acceptance and Growth
22:49 Finding Peace and Moving Forward
25:49 The Power of Surrender and Acceptance
28:28 Navigating Betrayal and Emotional Turmoil
31:40 The Roller Coaster of Healing and Self-Care
36:44 Embracing New Relationships and Personal Growth
42:38 Facing Life's Storms: The Buffalo Story
47:08 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
Find more from Tony Overbay:
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/virtualcouch
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@virtualcouch
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/virtual.couch/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tonyoverbaylmft/
Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-virtual-couch/id1275153998
Website: https://www.tonyoverbay.com/
Link Tree: https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch
If you are interested in joining Tony's private Facebook group for women in narcissistic or emotionally immature relationships of any type, please reach out to him at [email protected] or through the form on the website, HTTP://www.tonyoverbay.com
If you are a man interested in joining Tony's "Emotional Architects" group to learn how to better navigate your relationship with a narcissistic or emotionally immature partner or learn how to become more emotionally mature yourself, please reach out to Tony at [email protected] or through the form on the website, HTTP:www.tonyoverbay.com
Tony explores the complex dynamics of narcissism and emotional immaturity in a special “Holiday Edition” of the “Death By a Thousand Cuts” series. Through stories shared by listeners, Tony delves into how such behaviors can overshadow festive occasions, creating a lingering emotional toll. He also highlights the importance of awareness and growth, encouraging listeners to participate in healthier, more fulfilling holiday traditions. Featuring a unique narrative inspired by 'Twas the Night Before Christmas,' written by Claude AI, this episode sheds light on the subtleties of narcissistic manipulation and control during what are typically hoped to be seen as celebratory times.
00:00 A Twisted Christmas Tale
02:36 Introduction and Welcome
02:52 Announcements and Updates
04:19 Listener Stories: Holiday Struggles
06:39 Story 1: Control and Manipulation
12:12 Story 2: The Christmas Face
16:34 Story 3: The Dream Trip Conflict
20:35 Story 4: Missing Milestones
27:17 Story 5: Passive Aggressive Holidays
34:22 Story 6: Inappropriate Gifts
36:21 Reflections and Closing Thoughts
Find more from Tony Overbay:
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/virtualcouch
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@virtualcouch
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/virtual.couch/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tonyoverbaylmft/
Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-virtual-couch/id1275153998
Website: https://www.tonyoverbay.com/
Link Tree: https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch
If you are interested in joining Tony's private Facebook group for women in narcissistic or emotionally immature relationships of any type, please reach out to him at [email protected] or through the form on the website, HTTP://www.tonyoverbay.com
If you are a man interested in joining Tony's "Emotional Architects" group to learn how to better navigate your relationship with a narcissistic or emotionally immature partner or learn how to become more emotionally mature yourself, please reach out to Tony at [email protected] or through the form on the website, HTTP:www.tonyoverbay.com
Are you tired of the endless pursuit of perfection? Do you question why your self-esteem seems more tied to others' opinions than your own self-worth? In this transformative episode, Tony explores the crucial difference between self-esteem and self-compassion, drawing from Dr. Kristin Neff's groundbreaking research. Through personal experiences and scientific insights, Tony challenges our cultural obsession with self-esteem, revealing why the constant pressure to be "above average" creates an impossible and unhealthy standard for well-being.
Learn how self-compassion offers a more sustainable path to genuine self-acceptance through its three core components: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Tony delves into the fascinating neuroscience behind mindfulness practices, explaining how they physically rewire our brains for greater emotional regulation and self-awareness. Drawing from Viktor Frankl's profound insights as a Holocaust survivor and author of "Man's Search for Meaning," Tony illustrates how finding meaning in our struggles can transform our relationship with ourselves and others.
This episode provides both the scientific framework and practical tools needed to develop self-compassion in daily life. Whether you struggle with perfectionism, find yourself caught in comparison traps, or simply want to develop a more stable sense of self-worth, you'll discover why self-compassion offers all the benefits of high self-esteem without its potential downsides. Join Tony as he shares actionable strategies for transforming your relationship with yourself and finding peace in the simple truth that you're not broken - you're human.
00:00 Introduction and Personal Story
01:46 The Therapist's Dilemma: Hope vs. Reality
04:33 Exploring Self-Esteem and Self-Compassion
07:01 The Impact of Comparison and External Validation
11:02 Value-Based Goal Setting and Radical Acceptance
13:08 Parental Support and Secure Attachment
15:25 Listener Insights on Self-Esteem
16:32 Embracing Self-Compassion
23:22 Seeking Validation and Self-Compassion
24:16 Confessions of an Ultramarathoner
26:18 Accepting Mediocrity in Running
29:19 The Power of Self-Compassion
33:25 Mindfulness and Self-Kindness
35:19 A Personal Podcasting Challenge
39:21 Viktor Frankl's Wisdom on Meaning
45:23 The Journey of Self-Compassion
Tony Overbay, LMFT, explores how seemingly minor slights and manipulations in relationships can accumulate to cause significant emotional harm. Welcome to the 8th installment of Waking Up to Narcissism’s “Death by 1,000 Cuts” series.
In this episode, Tony delves deep into the subtle yet severe world of emotional abuse. Whether you're dealing with a narcissistic partner, emotionally immature family members, or challenging work colleagues, this episode is full of relatable stories and practical advice to help you understand and navigate these treacherous waters.
Tony shares listener-submitted poems and limericks that perfectly capture the pain and frustration of enduring countless small but stinging slights. He also shares personal anecdotes and listener stories to illustrate how these seemingly minor offenses can pile up, causing significant emotional damage over time.
Discover invaluable strategies for maintaining your emotional health, such as self-compassion, differentiating yourself emotionally, and setting healthy boundaries. You'll also learn the importance of documenting behavior patterns and trusting your gut feelings to reclaim your reality and foster your healing journey.
Find more from Tony Overbay:
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@virtualcouch
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/virtual.couch/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tonyoverbaylmft/
Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-virtual-couch/id1275153998
Website: https://www.tonyoverbay.com/
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/virtualcouch
Stream Riley Hope's song 'Not My Job' and follow her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/musicbyrileyhope/
00:00 Deathbycuts8
07:13 Introduction and Acknowledgements
08:06 Listener Contributions: Poems and Limericks
09:13 Understanding Emotional Cuts in Relationships
09:33 Host Introduction and Podcast Overview
11:36 The Free Throw Analogy: Preparation vs. Real Life
16:44 Applying Relationship Skills in Real Life
24:30 Listener Stories: Death by a Thousand Cuts
31:21 Roommate Frustrations
31:46 Financial Manipulation
32:21 Co-Parenting Conflicts
32:55 Family Event Disruptions
33:43 Emotional Immaturity in Relationships
42:03 Professional Sabotage
45:00 Phone Surveillance
47:08 Achievement Diminishment
48:07 Weaponized Routines
48:45 Financial Manipulation Revisited
50:30 Co-Parenting Undermining
51:09 Recognizing Patterns of Control
54:16 The Importance of Self-Compassion
Ever wonder why a narcissist seems to feed off your emotional pain? Do you find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth in relationships while the other person maintains the upper hand? Tony Overbay, LMFT, discusses the complexities of narcissistic relationships and emotional immaturity. Tony explores concepts like the false self, the one-up, one-down dynamic, and antagonistic attachment styles in depth. He uncovers how narcissistic traits manifest in relationships, causing deep emotional trauma and affecting whole families. Learn about the destructive patterns of predation, competition, and parasitism in narcissistic behavior from the article “Understanding the Narcissists Antagonisitic Attachment Style” by Julie Hall, creator of “The Narcissist Family Files” https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-narcissist-in-your-life/202107/understanding-the-narcissists-antagonistic-attachment-style Tony shares insights on reclaiming your sense of self by recognizing these unhealthy dynamics. Special thanks to Riley Hope for her song 'Not My Job,' which serves as the show's anthem. You find Riley Hope's "Not My Job" streaming information here: https://linktr.ee/rileyhopematlock
00:00 Introduction and Welcome
00:43 Listener's Question on Narcissism
01:39 Understanding Narcissistic Behavior
04:15 Exploring Narcissistic Relationships
05:26 Antagonistic Attachment Style
15:23 One-Up, One-Down Dynamics
18:56 Real-Life Examples of Narcissistic Patterns
24:17 Introduction to Human Attachment
24:42 Secure vs. Antagonistic Attachment
25:55 Predatory Relationships
29:57 Narcissistic Competition
33:18 Parasitic Dynamics
33:49 Coercion and Control
40:18 The Mask of Narcissism
42:57 The Ripple Effect of Narcissistic Abuse
45:02 Empowerment and Healing
47:54 Conclusion and Next Episode Preview
Are you truly living in alignment with your values, or do the expectations of others shape you? How do you begin to define your own character when emotional immaturity and narcissism are at play in your relationships? In this episode, we dive deep into what it means to build a sense of character and integrity—especially for those who may have spent years putting others’ needs above their own. Through stories, reflection, and therapeutic insight, we’ll explore how a pathologically kind person can break free from people-pleasing patterns and begin to understand their true values and beliefs.
Discover how character is not only about the values you hold but also what you’re willing to tolerate or excuse in yourself and others. We’ll unpack David Schnarch’s Four Points of Balance to guide you in building a strong, flexible sense of self, showing how true integrity is about standing steady in your own identity, even when external pressures try to sway you. Join us to learn how you can move beyond external validation, live from your core, and start showing up as your authentic self in all your relationships.
You find Riley Hope's "Not My Job" streaming information here: https://linktr.ee/rileyhopematlock
00:00 Introduction and Welcome
00:17 Listener Engagement and Social Media
01:13 Riley Hope's Anthem
01:38 Evander's Story Begins
02:32 The Social Club Dilemma
04:02 Sam's Concerns and Evander's Changes
06:35 Tony's Personal Reflection
11:48 Understanding Integrity and Character
17:51 Tom and Jerry: A Case Study
29:10 Navigating Relationships with Integrity
34:53 Navigating Integrity and Character in Relationships
35:18 Challenges for the Pathologically Kind Person
37:47 Understanding Emotional Immaturity and Narcissism
46:12 Pat and Chris: Real-Life Scenarios
53:31 Breaking Free: Strategies for Pat
01:01:31 Constructing the Crucible for Personal Growth
01:08:46 Final Thoughts on Integrity and Self-Discovery
Tony Overbay, LMFT explores themes of faith journeys, parental expectations, communication, differentiation, and self-discovery through an allegorical story titled 'Off the Beaten Path: Finding Love and Self in a World of Conformity.' The narrative follows a young man named Ansel, who grapples with societal expectations, familial pressures, and his journey toward self-acceptance. Through meaningful encounters and introspection, Ansel learns to embrace his individuality amidst traditional, religious, and cultural norms. This episode also highlights the importance of personal integrity the challenges of navigating faith and family systems, and encourages listeners to explore their unique talents and values. Tony invites the audience to share their stories and questions about their own faith and family journeys for future episodes.
00:00 Welcome and Introduction
01:17 “Not My Job” song by: Riley Hope
02:48 The Power of Writing and Poetry
05:26 Exploring Allegories
06:44 Off the Beaten Path: Ansul's Journey Begins
12:14 Ansul's Struggles and Self-Discovery
16:17 Meeting Maris: A New Connection
17:52 Seeking Guidance: Ansul's Dilemma
18:31 Ansul's Realization and Self-Acceptance
19:00 Building a Relationship with Maris
20:42 Themes of the Allegory: Individuality vs. Conformity
22:32 Exploring Faith and Doubt
22:53 Coming of Age and Self-Discovery
23:30 Truth, Knowledge, and Intergenerational Expectations
25:34 Curiosity, Love, and Acceptance
26:38 Personal Growth Through Discomfort
27:19 Diversity of Thought and Self-Acceptance
29:24 Navigating Difficult Journeys of Faith and Family
31:00 Encouragement for Personal Growth and Authenticity
33:02 Conclusion and Call to Action
If you are interested in joining Tony's private Facebook group for women in narcissistic or emotionally immature relationships of any type, please reach out to him at [email protected] or through the form on the website, HTTP://www.tonyoverbay.com
If you are a man interested in joining Tony's "Emotional Architects" group to learn how to better navigate your relationship with a narcissistic or emotionally immature partner or learn how to become more emotionally mature yourself, please reach out to Tony at [email protected] or through the form on the website, HTTP:www.tonyoverbay.com
Tony Overbay, LMFT, discusses the potentially harmful effects of an article titled “What Is Disarming A Narcissist? 12 Simple Ways To Do So” (https://tinyurl.com/2u8d7sjb) that oversimplifies interactions with narcissists. He distinguishes between Narcissistic Personality Disorder and the broader spectrum of emotional immaturity, emphasizing the small percentage of diagnosed cases of narcissistic personality disorder. Tony critiques the casual and inflated use of the term 'narcissist' and clarifies that real narcissism and emotional immaturity come with significant implications in relationships. He breaks down the common traits of emotional immaturity, such as anger management issues and lack of accountability, and stresses the need to understand one's emotional maturity level. Tony also passionately refutes a technique involving empathy as a means to reach narcissists, highlighting its ineffectiveness and potential harm. This episode provides invaluable insights into protecting oneself from narcissistic abuse, the importance of setting healthy boundaries, and the journey toward emotional growth.
00:00 Introduction to Narcissism and Emotional Immaturity
01:44 Understanding Emotional Immaturity
05:49 The Spectrum of Emotional Maturity
06:55 A Personal Anecdote on Emotional Maturity
11:07 Exploring Empathy and Narcissism
15:45 Critique of Simplistic Solutions for Narcissism
18:52 The Complexity of Narcissistic Relationships
22:55 Ineffective Communication Strategies with Narcissists
25:42 Understanding Narcissistic Supply
27:03 Disarming a Narcissist: Tips and Challenges
29:39 The Complexity of Empathy with Narcissists
33:57 The Path to Differentiation and Self-Care
46:54 Concluding Thoughts on Narcissism
If you are interested in joining Tony's private Facebook group for women in narcissistic or emotionally immature relationships of any type, please reach out to him at [email protected] or through the form on the website, HTTP://www.tonyoverbay.com
If you are a man interested in joining Tony's "Emotional Architects" group to learn how to better navigate your relationship with a narcissistic or emotionally immature partner or learn how to become more emotionally mature yourself, please reach out to Tony at [email protected] or through the form on the website, HTTP:www.tonyoverbay.com