The Real Question

Vanessa Zoltan and Casper ter Kuile learned in divinity school about the art of paying attention. In this podcast, they turn that attention to a variety of everyday scenarios in their own lives to see what’s really at stake. Each week, Vaness...

  • 27 minutes 40 seconds
    Should I Quit: Trying to Get a PhD?

    Shannon recently withdrew from her PhD program – with two young kids and a full time job, it wasn't the right time. Now, a few weeks out from the decision, she's asking herself: what's the plan? Does she set aside her dream of getting a PhD? Or should she plan on going back? If so, when?


    This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Shannon explore how to make slow decisions.



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    This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    11 November 2024, 3:23 pm
  • 25 minutes 24 seconds
    Should I Quit: My Ethical Phone?

    Megan believes in doing the ‘right thing’ even when it’s a little inconvenient, so she bought herself an ethical phone. This phone is supposed to be 'forever' – the answer to our cultural habit of constantly buying new technology every few years. This phone is also really annoying. But is it annoying enough to give up on her ideals and switch to a ‘normal’ phone? 


    This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Megan discuss which small actions matter and how to stick with them.


    If you’re interested in reading more about the ethics of mining cobalt, we highly recommend this piece from NPR: https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2023/02/01/1152893248/red-cobalt-congo-drc-mining-siddharth-kara


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    28 October 2024, 1:02 pm
  • 8 minutes 8 seconds
    Announcement: New Season Coming Soon

    After two years of Should I Quit?, Vanessa is moving on to other projects. The Real Question is sticking around though, with a brand new host and a new question!


    If you'd like to submit a final question for Should I Quit? or be one of the first voices in our next season, you can submit here.


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    21 October 2024, 5:29 pm
  • 25 minutes 33 seconds
    Should I Quit: Trying to Be Close with my Dad?

    Stephanie used to call her dad every day. Then she realized: she was the only one putting work into their relationship. If she stopped calling, they stopped talking. So now, they don't really talk. But their relationship (or lack thereof) has been hanging over her head. Should she put the work in to try to fix it? Or is it time to just let go of the hope of a close and reciprocal relationship with her dad?


    This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Stephanie discuss how to have honest, loving and realistic relationships.



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    This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    14 October 2024, 2:12 pm
  • 25 minutes 28 seconds
    Should I Quit: Befriending Men?

    Andrea keeps having this problem: as soon as her single guy friends get a serious partner, it feels like she can't be close friends with them anymore. This doesn't happen with her female friends. It feels gendered, and it hurts. Is this going to keep happening? Should she stop investing in relationships with single, straight men?


    This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Andrea explore the unspoken rules and fears among single friends.


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    This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    30 September 2024, 1:59 pm
  • 24 minutes 39 seconds
    Should I Quit: Buying Home Goods? (with Micaela Blei)

    We're thrilled today to be joined by story-telling coach Micaela Blei – the co-teacher of our upcoming memoir writing class. Micaela enjoys making her home beautiful. She's good at scouring thrift stores and finding just the right touch to bring everything together. She's also a little bit ashamed of how much time and attention she puts into buying home goods. Is she making her days at home easier and better through small improvements? Or is she frivolously spending on un-important things?


    This week on Should I Quit? Micaela and Vanessa discuss how to know if our self-soothing techniques are positive or over-indulgent.


    If you enjoyed hearing Vanessa and Micaela on this episode, you can sign-up for their class: https://notsorryworks.com/writing-workshops-2024#memoir



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    This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    16 September 2024, 2:13 pm
  • 24 minutes 19 seconds
    Should I Quit: Trying to Date Without the Apps?

    Megan has always hated the dating apps. She's tried them – they're awful! Recently, however, she's been wondering if she should suck it up and give them another try. Is online dating truly the best way to find a romantic partner? Or should she continue waiting and hoping to meet someone 'organically' in the world?


    This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Megan discuss how to be clear-sighted and intentional while dating.


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    2 September 2024, 2:18 pm
  • 23 minutes 33 seconds
    Should I Quit: Fighting My Acne?

    Hope Rehak has been trying to treat her acne for the last 20 years. She's bought all kinds of things to 'help' – pills, shots, serums, and creams – but nothing has really worked long term. Is it finally time to just accept her skin for what it is?


    This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Hope discuss the struggles and limits of body positivity. 


    If you enjoyed listening to Hope today be sure to check out her Substack, Obsessions this Week, and her upcoming screenwriting class!


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    This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    19 August 2024, 1:59 pm
  • 26 minutes 2 seconds
    Should I Quit: Wanting to Get Married?

    For most of their life, Kat had a plan: move in with someone, get married, have kids. But recently they’ve been re-evaluating. They live with a long-term partner and are very happy. Would being ‘married’ change anything? Or do they just want marriage because that's what society has guided them towards?


    This week in Should I Quit? Vanessa and Kat explore why we want the things we want and how to ask for them.


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    This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    5 August 2024, 2:00 pm
  • 26 minutes 15 seconds
    Should I Quit: The Plan B for My Radical Life?

    Elizabeth Oldfield wants to live radically in her faith. She wants to transcend traditional ideas of financial stability and community responsibility. However she can’t quite quiet the pragmatic voice in her head that’s tethering her to more conventional values. Is that voice helping protect her? Or is it holding her back?


    This week on Should I Quit? Liz and Vanessa dig into the question of security and how much we can protect our future selves.


    Be sure to check out Liz’s podcast The Sacred and her new book, Fully Alive: Tending to the Soul in Turbulent Times



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    This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    22 July 2024, 2:08 pm
  • 23 minutes 2 seconds
    Should I Quit: Buying New Books?

    Charlie James can't stop buying books. Every time they’re in a bookstore, there seems to be a new book calling them, a new trove of knowledge ready for them to explore. But Charlie's not reading books as fast as they’re buying them. Should they quit buying books and focus on their ‘To Be Read’ pile? Should they get rid of the books they already own?


    This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Charlie discuss what it means to be a ‘reader’ and its relationship to consumerism. 


    if you want to check out Charlie’s comedy work, you can find them @nonbinarycowboy on TikTok, Instagram and X.


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    This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    8 July 2024, 2:24 pm
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