- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠

If you grew up in a family system that was shame-based, you may feel weighed down by shame. Shame shields us from pain and neglect, but it's also a burden. Shame-based family systems are harsh and judgmental. As a child, you were exposed to criticism and verbal attacks because people didn't do things the way your family did. When you're shame-based, you need to surround yourself with people who share your views. This can cause you to judge yourself harshly. Shame wants to stay hidden. We fear being judged, so we try to be perfect. Perfectionism often stems from shame. We feel like we're being scrutinized, like a celebrity without the fame. We are usually our harshest critics. As children, we internalize the negative feedback we hear and try to fit into a box that doesn't feel right. We may develop self-hatred for not being like everyone else in our family. We try to conform to an ideal painted for us instead of living our own lives. Some people live their entire lives not realizing they're living a lie. They've bought into the system and think they're defective, broken, or unhappy. But the truth is, being authentic is more important than fitting into someone else's mold.

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠

Many of us are emotionally stuck at a point where we feel that our self-worth is completely dependent on our mother's love and acceptance. This can lead to a deep wound when we don't receive the love and validation we need in the way we need it. In order to move forward and heal, it's important to reach a point in our recovery where our mother's opinion of us no longer has a hold on our sense of self-worth. We must learn to validate ourselves from within, and find the strength to recognize our own worth regardless of outside approval or disapproval. It's a difficult journey, but one that can lead to a life of greater self-love and acceptance.

Have you ever had a moment that felt like a key turning in a lock, opening doors to rooms within yourself you didn't know existed? That's what Joe Ryan's latest podcast episode feels like—a raw, unfiltered journey into the heart of personal transformation.

Joe doesn't hold back as he recounts his struggle with self-hate and shame, emotions that many of us grapple with but few have the courage to confront head-on. He speaks of the burdens we carry, the secrets we keep from ourselves, and the exhausting act of maintaining a façade for the world.

But then comes the light bulb moment—a realization so profound that it changes everything. For Joe, it was acknowledging his neediness, a trait he had shamed himself for, which stemmed from his childhood. This acknowledgment wasn't just an act of understanding; it was an act of liberation.

Throughout the episode, Joe takes us through the ups and downs of his emotional journey. He talks about the heaviness that comes with emotional baggage and the lightness that follows when you start to let go. It's a process, he says, not a destination. But the work is worth it because, on the other side of that pain and shame, is freedom.

Joe's story is one of self-forgiveness and the power of self-awareness. It's about breaking the chains of the past and finding the courage to face our inner demons. He shares his process, the painful yet necessary steps to peel back the layers of hurt, and the healing that follows.

This episode is a call to anyone who's felt stuck, weighed down by their emotions, or lost in the maze of their mind. It's for those who've ever felt the need to hide their true selves or who've wondered if there's more to life than the roles they've been playing.

Joe's narrative is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. It reminds us that no matter how deep the wounds, healing is possible. It's a story of coming home to oneself, of building a life not on the expectations of others but on the foundation of self-acceptance and love.

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠

Have you ever had a moment that felt like a key turning in a lock, opening doors to rooms within yourself you didn't know existed? That's what Joe Ryan's latest podcast episode feels like—a raw, unfiltered journey into the heart of personal transformation.

Joe doesn't hold back as he recounts his struggle with self-hate and shame, emotions that many of us grapple with but few dare to confront head-on. He speaks of the burdens we carry, the secrets we keep from ourselves, and the exhausting act of maintaining a façade for the world.

But then comes the light bulb moment—a profound realization that changes everything. For Joe, it was acknowledging his neediness, a trait he had shamed himself for, which stemmed from his childhood. This acknowledgment wasn't just an act of understanding; it was an act of liberation.

Throughout the episode, Joe takes us through the ups and downs of his emotional journey. He talks about the heaviness of emotional baggage and the lightness that follows when you start to let go. It's a process, he says, not a destination. But the work is worth it because freedom is on the other side of that pain and shame.

Joe's story is one of self-forgiveness and the power of self-awareness. It's about breaking the chains of the past and finding the courage to face our inner demons. He shares his process, the painful yet necessary steps to peel back the layers of hurt, and the healing that follows.

This episode is a call to anyone who's felt stuck, weighed down by their emotions, or lost in the maze of their mind. It's for those who've ever felt the need to hide their true selves or who've wondered if there's more to life than the roles they've been playing.

Joe's narrative is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. It reminds us that healing is possible no matter how deep the wounds. It's a story of coming home to oneself, of building a life not on the expectations of others but on the foundation of self-acceptance and love.

So, if you're ready for an episode that will challenge you, move you, and ultimately inspire you to embark on your own journey of self-discovery, listen to Joe Ryan's latest podcast. It might just be the key you've been searching for.

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

- Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

- Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

- Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠

The terrible two in children is a vital step in their emotional development. It is a psychological birth that starts separation and independence from caregivers. 

At this stage, the child goes from helpless dependent to more of an independent role as the child starts to realize that they are not one but separate from their caregivers.

Allowing a child to separate, become more independent, and figure out who they are is one of the most important gifts a parent can give a child. 

Most parents do not allow a child to separate. The child is now limited by what the parent will allow. They learn that independence is not permitted, and the child stays emotionally bonded to the parent just as they were in infancy. The child will run all thoughts, emotions, and actions through the ‘parent filter.’ They never learn to make their own decisions, find confidence in themselves, and never grow up or leave home emotionally. 

As the child grows into an adult, they are emotionally stuck at this development stage and need the approval of their parents and everyone with whom they have relationships throughout their life. 

The internal fears of abandonment turn them into codependent people pleasers who are on an endless quest to find someone, anyone, to permit them to be themselves. 

In this Episode:

• Letting kids grow up and not expecting them to take care of your emotional needs!
• What happens when parents sabotage their children's successes or independence because of their “unlived” lives?

• Going from being needed all the time to essentially not being needed at all
• Letting kids be and not trying to shame them into things you want them to do
• How the “good parent”, especially in divorce, will always get the short end of the stick
• Avoid feeling betrayed by our child's independence and lack of need for us.

This episode covers the why’s of what people do to combat this initial behavior and the irreparable damage it can cause to a child.

The terrible twos are also linked to a teenager's later years of struggling for that greater need for independence. How are they

connected, and what are the ramifications? What is the impact for both the child and the parent(s), and how does all of this impact all

involved? This episode reminds us that children can’t be there for your benefit or to fill the holes we have in our souls! It’s

not healthy for them, and it’s not healthy for us!

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

- Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

- Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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After a long hiatus, Joe is back with a new perspective, insight, and positivity that he is ready to share! Deciding to focus on genuinely caring for himself for a while, Joe is ready to share some of the more important things he learned in this recovery phase.

Stepping back from the pressures of constantly self-exposing his shame, embarrassment, and other innermost disappointments, Joe could genuinely focus and work through many things holding him back from obtaining happiness daily! These revelations, new insights, and small victories have brought him to a new place of peace and satisfaction, translating to a renewed ability to share all this with you with greater enthusiasm and focus!

In this Episode:

• We connect the dots between phases, stages, and activities once the light bulb goes on!
• Working through the hangover and getting used to the new normal
• Reaching a point that you no longer have to prove your worth to the world
• Eliminating shame…accept things for what they were
• Learning to move out further in the direction you want
• Building things back “Your Way.”
• Getting back to a place where you can breathe with regularity!

This episode shows that you can overcome and work through almost anything to start living the life that you want. Even if you're not sure what it is, it's getting out the shit…the hurt…the victimhood, the learned helplessness and the self-hate. Build up your strength and confidence within yourself so you don't fear rejection, humiliation, and failure. Get to know who you are and the way of living that is right for you!

Remember….Recovery is Possible!

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

- Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

- Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

- Submit A Question ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/ask/⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Family System Revisited builds off the Family Shame Episode (Episode 69), in which Joe elaborates on the pressures of family expectations and the toll it takes on a person in trying to fit into a family “system.”

When we're born, we're born into a system. We are thrown into an existing system and put into a slot. Family systems dictate how you are expected to act, appear in public and how you are supposed to handle actions and emotions from everyone within your inner circle. The pressure to act accordingly and do only what will get you positive attention becomes a burden you can only carry for so long. Eventually, the byproduct of all this shame, whether from someone else or your own self, as you feel you can’t live up to the standard set for you in this unhealthy system. What do you do to lose the feeling of worrying about what everyone wants, thinks, or expects from you? Learn what Joe had to do to teach himself to be ok with being able to survive and being seen in ways that weren't acceptable by his family system and move past all the guilt and shame he felt as a child for wanting things outside his place in the system.

In this Episode:

• Learn to live a life outside of the role your family has set for you to live the life you want…one free of shame.

• Getting in touch with our anger and emotions

• Live within your own body…your own self.. without anxiety and fear.

• Learn that you weren’t put on this earth to fill the holes of parents who can’t fill them in their own lives.

• Integrate the parts of yourself in your new life that your family won't let you have

• Build a relationship with yourself…Love is an Inside Job!

Learn to dismantle your family system's role to live and deal with the uncomfortable feelings of judgment and shame from your family system! Feel the relief and freedom that comes from releasing the bonds that have been placed on you by your family!

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠

- Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠

- Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠

- Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠

“Making the Right Choice” directly solves issues you currently experience in your own life with a simple message… "You Can’t Do This Work Alone"

In this episode, Joe talks about the important changes he made in his life by finding the right person to guide him through the initial stages of breaking out from where he was at that time to starting to take meaningful actions to move in the right direction. He reveals that It begins with “being seen” and allowing someone you trust to help you move through the phases of an emotional child to a healthy, emotionally balanced adult. Acknowledging you can’t do all of this alone is the first step and a perfectly acceptable way of attacking the issues head on.

In this Episode:

• Having to admit that you need help from others, along with putting in the work needed to find the right “caregiver,” is key
  

• Learning to get out of your own way is a key step in the right direction.
  

• Work on Being “Seen” and find positive “Mirroring” (the kind you didn’t get as a child)
  

• Experiencing the freedom that comes from being “Unstuck.”
  

• Having the peace of mind of knowing you are not going through this alone or that these issues and feelings are unique to you
  

• Realizing Fear, Trauma, Anxiety, Panic & Shame doesn’t go away by itself. Even with help, you have to keep putting in the work to move past these feelings.
  

Acknowledging that you are a strong person based on the mere fact that you have carried this pain inside you for as long as you can remember is powerful in your progress. It will help you to become brave and courageous to help you become humble and ok to accept help from someone qualified to help. There is no shame in asking for help…humble yourself and open up to somebody who genuinely cares for your well-being. You are going to have to trust someone at some point, even though you have that fear of being burned in the past by someone you feel has betrayed you. The choice to get help is yours…make the right choice!

Can I Recover On My Own?

Joe Ryan is a Certified Peer Support Specialist who knows trauma because he’s lived it and learned to live beyond it.  Joe has been on a lifelong journey to overcome trauma, shame, and the demons that plagued him from early in life. Joe is turning his mission outward, helping others conquer their traumatic experiences through his podcast (“It’s Not You, It’s Your Trauma“) and one-on-one coaching.

- Website: https://joeryan.com

- Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan

- Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/

- Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/

Drew Linsalata, creator and host of The Anxious Truth. I am a full time graduate student in clinical mental health counseling on the way to being a licensed therapist. I’m an author, a speaker, and proud to be both an educator and advocate in the anxiety, anxiety disorder, and anxiety recovery community. I am also a former sufferer, having struggled with anxiety disorders and clinical depression for more than 25 years of my life before finally fully recovering around 2008. 

- https://theanxioustruth.com/

Joe Ryan is a Certified Peer Support Specialist who knows trauma because he’s lived it and learned to live beyond it.  Joe has been on a lifelong journey to overcome trauma, shame, and the demons that plagued him from early in life. Joe is turning his mission outward, helping others conquer their traumatic experiences through his podcast (“It’s Not You, It’s Your Trauma“) and one-on-one coaching.

- Website: https://joeryan.com

- Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan

- Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/

- Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/

Drew Linsalata, creator and host of The Anxious Truth. I am a full time graduate student in clinical mental health counseling on the way to being a licensed therapist. I’m an author, a speaker, and proud to be both an educator and advocate in the anxiety, anxiety disorder, and anxiety recovery community. I am also a former sufferer, having struggled with anxiety disorders and clinical depression for more than 25 years of my life before finally fully recovering around 2008. 

- https://theanxioustruth.com/

Subscribe To All Episodes https://joeryan.com/subscribe/

Submit A Question https://joeryan.com/ask/

How do we sit with our pain? How do we learn to grieve loss, innocence, self-respect, and pride…all while learning to empower ourselves to live our daily lives?

In this episode, Joe discusses how we need to treat the pain we feel every day the same way we would grieve something even more devasting, like a death of a friend, partner, or family member. His message is that it is ok to take time for yourself to focus on your pains (mental and physical) and how he handles these overwhelming feelings to feel free and go on with his daily life.

in this Episode:

• Realizing it’s ok to wallow in your pain temporarily, just don’t get stuck in it!
• Learning balance- don’t wait too long to let these feelings build over time and then try to take on too much at once
• Make plans to sit with yourself as you plan to be with friends. Learn where your feelings reside and learn not to suppress these feelings but to sit with them to build your strength up over time
• Learning to identify where these pains reside…if it’s physical, where in your body does it reside and how you can rid yourself of it when it appears
• Giving yourself some space to deal with your thoughts, feel discomfort, and don’t try to run from it – avoid the distractions and focus on where the discomfort comes from and learn to release it
• Learn to start the process the same way you would go back to the gym after years of sitting on the couch. Start small (light weights) and build this routine up over time until you can handle your bigger and more challenging issues.
• Learning not to feel shameful for having to stay home just to deal with these feelings
• Learning that all of your addictions won’t fix your problems and remove the pains

This episode provides solid, practical advice on how to deal with all your pains and to learn how the only thing in life that is limiting you is YOU!

- Website: https://joeryan.com

- Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan

- Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/

- Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/

A new episode will be out in a few days. Until then, you can listen to my interview on the Adult Child Podcast. In the interview, we discuss navigating dating with CPTSD, attraction vs. attachment, the importance of developing an unshakable sense of self., setting boundaries with family members, and the importance of sitting with our feelings. Listen On Apple Listen On Spotify