"I hope she's got a lot of lotion or another sex cardigan."

This week's most romantic movie is... Wicked: For Good. This film has everything: Technicolor Arrakis, the third worst pizza Paige has ever laid eyes on, and lifting a possible lover 20 feet off the ground... because of the implication. If you love whip-stealing women, killer songs, and two people yelling "JUST KISS ALREADY" at the screen, this episode's for you!

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Up Next: Spirited 2022

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“Bitch, I am the Wizard”

This week’s most romantic movie is… Wicked. This film has everything: A flying squirrel playing drums, A master in chaos theory doing shitty slight of hand, And a Orgy when you least expect it. If you love erotically serious line readings, talking horses, and square-trouser roasts, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Wicked: For Good (2025)

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“The sexiest thing a man can wear is a properly fitting apology.”

This week’s most romantic movie is… Die Hard. This film has everything: The world’s scariest airport, Graceful high kicks, And a man standing in front of his wife asking her to duck already. If you love film-school flexes, Krampus-level holiday pettiness, and Karate Kid chaos in a skyscraper, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Wicked (2024)

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“ We’re Americans and consumerism is our God. ”

This week’s most romantic movie is… A Merry Little Ex-Mas. This film has everything: Ungrateful little shits, A tearaway tux posing as heroic formalwear, And the longest commercial for energy efficient appliances...ever. If you love sultry Saint Nick vibes, Simpsons snowplow callbacks, and stripper-puppeteer chaos, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Die Hard.

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“This movie was written by child GPT.”

This week’s hottest movie is… Our Little Secret. This film has everything: Idiots building business plans, A long lost MacFarlane brother, And a Praise and Worship band that actually slaps. If you love alien screenwriting seminars, phantom cookie exchanges, and time-traveling church-lady couture, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: A Merry Little Ex-Mas (2025) .

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“The swine intervention.”

This week’s hottest movie is… Penelope. This film has everything: intimate corkscrew logistics, Bacon ads at the worst time, And nailing the premise of Love is Blind a full 15 years before the Lachey's decided to ruin peoples lives with it. If you love fairytale chaos, snack-based outrage, and messy modern romance, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Our Little Secret (2024)

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“Oh, look, it’s the trash-ass apple again.”

This week’s hottest movie is... The Wrong Paris. This film has everything: sexy shirtless land barons, a “Nashville” accent that’s as Nashville as Shania Twain, and proposals that sparkle with diamonds and, yes, actual gold bars. If you love city synonyms servicing skullduggery, a shirtless man "Washing" a horse, and a country girl realizing she needs more country in her life, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Penelope (2006) 

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“My brain just went ribbit.”

This week’s hottest movie is... The Shape of Water. This film has everything: terrible pick up lines. a secret hatch to untold pleasures. And a women who loves getting wet. If you love movies with cursed flirting, forbidden hardware, and unapologetically aquatic thirst, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: The Wrong Paris (2025)

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“Ma’am, you are not the devil, but you may be the devil’s daughter.”

This film has everything: a self-help guide for escaping incellery. religious recommendations from a stranger no one likes. And a cautionary tale about why you should avoid the super-hot stranger who’s a little too into you. If you love late nights with the devil and Brendan Fraser pining over his soulmates doppelgänger, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: The Shape of Water (2017)

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“He’s the worst ophthalmologist ever, he never saw any of this coming.”

This week’s hottest movie is... Crimson Peak.

This film has everything: a six foot baguette sadly loafing around, terrible real estate choices, And a mother doesn't love her daughter enough to properly warn her. If you love sad bread energy, cursed property vibes, and siblings that can't want to get one in, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next:

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“If he had brought a pig under his arm—it’s Hamlet.”

This week’s hottest movie is... Teen Witch. This film has everything: a bow-tyrant teaching civics, An agent of chaos that thinks he's in a different movie, And a hallway rap squad you wish would just lose themselves, and give you a moment with mom's spaghetti. If you love terrible teachers, gremlin energy, and haunted hallways, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Crimson Peak (2015)

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