To celebrate the forthcoming release of The Deep-Rooted Marriage, co-authored by Dan Allender and Steve Call, Dan and Becky Allender reflect on their own marriage story — its unique dynamics, the challenges they’ve faced, and the redemptive journey they’ve walked together. 

They open up about how their family-of-origin stories shaped their relationship in ways they didn’t initially realize and the intentional work it took to build new, healthier ways of connecting, particularly over the past decade.

Whether you’re married, dating, or reflecting on other relationships in your life, we think Dan and Becky’s vulnerability and hard-earned insights will resonate with anyone who has felt stuck in a pattern or wondered how to move forward toward healing. Their story is a powerful reminder that meaningful growth takes time, courage, kindness, and the willingness to engage your stories — together.

Be sure to get your copy of The Deep-Rooted Marriage, available here on Amazon or at your favorite bookseller on January 21, 2025.

Becky Allender sits down with Rachael Clinton Chen for a one-on-one conversation. Becky reflects on how she and Dan have experienced profound transformation in their marriage, particularly since the Allender Center was founded in 2011. It was during this time that they began practicing the fundamentals of story engagement within their own relationship—a journey that not only changed their lives but also inspired the Marriage offerings at the Allender Center. 

No matter what season you’re in—whether your relationship is new or you’ve been married for decades like Dan and Becky—there’s always something new to learn. Every step offers a chance to meet one another with greater kindness, compassion, and understanding.

Next week, Dan will rejoin the podcast conversation, but today, we hope you enjoy this episode with Becky and Rachael as they share their wisdom and reflections on marriage and connection.

Listener Resources:

• Check out Hidden in Plain Sight by Becky Allender.

• Read some of Becky Allender's blog posts.

• Pre-order your copy of The Deep-Rooted Marriage by Dan Allender and Steve Call.

As we think about the upcoming year, we know that hope can feel elusive. Weighed down by uncertainty, exhaustion, and a world filled with division and stress, it’s easy to wonder if hope is even worth holding onto.

Hope carries heartache. Longing for something better can feel vulnerable, especially when past disappointments and cynicism weigh heavy on our hearts. It can feel safer to let go of hope than to risk the ache of unfulfilled desire.

But as Dan Allender shares, hope isn’t passive or naïve. It’s “a kind of patience that does not erase desire, but has a resilience to remain in the movement toward the dream that hope holds, with a kind of defiance—a willingness to say, I don't just wait passively, I wait in a way in which I'm willing to risk on the anticipation of the arrival of what my heart most deeply desires.”

Hope doesn’t deny the pain of the past or present; it’s a courageous choice to believe in the future possibility of good. And it often begins small—a moment of gratitude, a glimpse of beauty, or the connection we find with others.

This year, we can choose hope—not because it’s easy, but because it opens us up to something deeper, truer, and worth desiring.

As we near the close of the year, Dan and Becky Allender are continuing a podcast tradition: sitting down to reflect on their experiences and inviting you, our listeners, to join them in this meaningful practice.

Dan and Becky share their own reflections—what they’ve learned, what they’re grieving, and what they’re celebrating—as they prepare to transition into a new season.

They’ve also shared a few practical ways you can reflect on your year:

• Scroll through your photo gallery. Notice the moments that brought you joy, growth, or even challenge.

• Review your calendar. Whether you logged your events in a digital calendar or on paper, look back on events and milestones from each month. Do you notice any themes? Choose five words. If you could describe your year in just five words, what would they be?

We hope you’ll take a moment as we close out the year to pause, reflect, and dream for what’s to come.

With Christmas just around the corner, it’s easy to get lost in the comforts of gifts, gatherings, and familiar holiday carols. Yet in today’s podcast, Dan and Rachael remind us that the true celebration of Christmas means embracing the profound disruption Jesus brought to the world—a call to love, bless, and challenge the status quo, even in a world often defined by hatred and division.

This conversation invites us to see Christmas as more than a season of comfort. It’s a time of transformation, calling us to step into the work of love, justice, and restoration.

Merry Christmas from all of us here at the Allender Center! We’ll take a short break on the podcast next week, and will return on December 27th with a year-end reflection from Dan and Becky Allender.

As we continue through the season of Advent, this week's episode of the Allender Center Podcast invites you to linger in the profound mystery of light and darkness found in John 1. 

Dan and Rachael reflect on the richness of this passage, offering insights into the paradox of the light that reveals all yet remains unseen by many.

“In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” (John 1:4-5)

Through their conversation, Dan and Rachael explore 

• why arrogance and dogmatism can obscure even the brightest of truths,

• how Jesus, the true light, shattered societal and religious expectations of power and hierarchy, and 

• what it means to embody vulnerability and hope in a world steeped in exploitation and suffering.

With honesty and humility, they wrestle with the ways we — individually and collectively — can miss the light of Christ in our midst. Yet, we’re also reminded of the profound hope of the Word made flesh, dwelling among us still.

As we enter the season of Advent, Dan and Rachael invite us to reflect on the opening of John’s Gospel: “In the beginning was the Word…” From there, they move to John’s closing declaration: “Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written.”

Through this framework, they delve into the meaning and weight of the Word — and of words themselves. Words are not just for speaking, but also for listening. (We often forget that part.) Dan shares his personal longing for this season: “I want, for me, this season, I want for us to love the Word, to love words, to be silenced, to have more sense of awe. And in many ways, the humility to move toward a vulnerability that askews false power.”

While this episode leans a bit more philosophical than some, we hope it offers a thoughtful space to ponder the beauty and mystery of the Word. Join Dan and Rachael as they share their own questions and reflections, inviting us into a richer experience of Advent.

When confronting spiritual abuse, it can feel more straightforward to focus on a specific person or leader who may have caused harm. But it’s also important to address the systems and cultural contexts that, in their most obvious forms, promote abuse—and in their more subtle forms, allow it to happen or refuse to confront it.

In this episode, Dan and Rachael dive into the painful realities of spiritual abuse and the systems that uphold it. They explore how cultural powers—such as patriarchy, white supremacy, capitalism, and purity culture—often intertwine with Christian theology, creating harmful environments that distort our understanding of God and faith. And yet, even in the face of this, there is a call to confront our complicity in these systems with grace and humility. 

We hope this conversation is an invitation to wrestle with and address how we've been shaped by harmful cultures and systems and how we may have participated in them – and ultimately, to consider how we can step into a more loving, just, and merciful understanding of God and community. ===

We invite you to explore the brand-new Spiritual Abuse & Healing Online Course from the Allender Center.

This 6-lesson course, complete with reflective practices and deep dive panel discussions, helps you engage your body, mind, and spirit as you unpack the harm caused by spiritual abuse.

Whether you’re just beginning to wake up to this reality or have been on a healing journey for years, this course provides a safe and welcoming space to deepen your understanding and work towards healing.

Learn more and enroll today at: theallendercenter.org/online-courses

Abuse of any kind involves a setup and a breach of trust – and spiritual abuse is no exception. 

Whether it stems from personal relationships or institutional settings, spiritual abuse can deeply disrupt our sense of attachment and connection, leaving lasting wounds.

These wounds may have their roots in early developmental trauma, making spiritual abuse feel like an echo of past harm. It’s not just about the betrayal of spiritual abuse in the more recent past—whether during teen years, college experiences, or adulthood—but about understanding how our earliest experiences have shaped our ability to trust and heal.

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We invite you to explore the brand-new Spiritual Abuse & Healing Online Course from the Allender Center.

This 6-lesson course, complete with reflective practices and deep dive panel discussions, helps you engage your body, mind, and spirit as you unpack the harm caused by spiritual abuse.

Whether you’re just beginning to wake up to this reality or have been on a healing journey for years, this course provides a safe and welcoming space to deepen your understanding and work towards healing.

Learn more and enroll today at: theallendercenter.org/online-courses

In this episode of the Allender Center Podcast, Dan and Rachael open up about navigating uncertain times with faith and intentionality. 

They recorded this conversation before the results of the U.S. Presidential election were announced so that, no matter the outcome, they could focus on what it means to act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly in today’s world. 

As they examine both the cultural landscape and the state of their own hearts, we invite you to listen and join them in reflecting on what it looks like to live with purpose and compassion — even when the future feels unknown.

“American Gospel” (Jon Guerra, 2024), used with permission. You can hear more from Jon at jonguerramusic.com.

This week, we’re checking in with you, dear listeners, in a candid and vulnerable episode. 

Days before the U.S. Presidential Election, Dan and Rachael share the emotional weight they’re carrying, touching on the intense anxiety, anger, and grief of this turbulent season and honestly acknowledging, “We’re not doing well.” 

Together, they explore practices that help them stay grounded and find hope. We hope that this conversation possibly helps you navigate similar feelings in uncertain times, or, at the very least, reminds you that you are not alone.

Editor’s Note: Dan and Rachael recalled different percentages regarding White Protestants' views on immigrants. According to the source, however, the executive summary states: “While few Americans (35%) agree that “immigrants are invading our country and replacing our cultural and ethnic background,” this view is held by 65% of Republicans, as well as most viewers of far-right news (83%) and Fox News viewers (66%). White evangelical Protestants (62%) are the only religious group among whom a majority agree that immigrants are invading our country and replacing our cultural and ethnic background.” Source: prii.org

Related Resources:

Dan and Rachael reference the following works during their conversation:

• Deep Survival: Who Lives, Who Dies, and Why by Laurence Gonzales

• Oscillation Guidebook by Gabes Torres

• Article: “A third of Americans agree with Trump that immigrants ‘poison the blood’ of US” published by The Guardian, October 18, 2024.

• Article: “Challenges to Democracy: The 2024 Election in Focus” published by prii.org, October 11, 2024.