At 52, John realizes how often we trade our truth for “membership” - relationships, status, the idea of success - and quietly disappear. From a house fire to shaving his head, he reframes love, loss, and identity, arguing that real growth demands new lenses, not old fantasies.

What You’ll Learn:

• Why exchanging your truth for acceptance makes you lukewarm
• “Corrective love” vs replaying the past’s highlight reel
• How healthy love both confronts and delights
• Impermanence as a doorway to gratitude (everything can vanish)
• Reinvention at any age: new lenses → new life

Join John in Costa Rica, Dec 1–5. A retreat for connection, creativity, and fresh starts with an optional two-day medicine journey. Sign up ⁠HERE⁠

📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Rapid-fire answers to your biggest honesty hurdles: settling vs. standards, dating vs. marriage mindset, online dating that respects your time, inviting more sex without pressure, and handling rejection like a grown-up. Short, practical, and therapist-backed.

Join John in Costa Rica, Dec 1–5. A retreat for connection, creativity, and fresh starts with an optional two-day medicine journey. Sign up ⁠HERE⁠

📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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In this part 3 of our Attachment series, therapist Rebecca Prolman joins John Kim to unpack how childhood misattunement wires shame, why anger isn’t the enemy, and how “emotional completion” helps you reclaim the parts you exiled to survive. They explore corrective relationships (why real safety can feel scary), co-regulation for kids, and practical steps to move from fawning to sovereignty.

Key topics & takeaways:

• Shame as a survival strategy that blocks primary emotions (grief/anger)
• Emotional completion: feeling what shame protected so it can release
• Co-regulation vs. punishment/time-outs for children’s anger
• Corrective relationships: safety, grief, and why “boring” can be secure
• Depth sustains attraction; chemistry alone burns out
• Naming early ruptures without making caregivers “villains”

Methods mentioned: NARM — Neuro-Affective Relational Model (Dr. Laurence Heller ).

Resources (as mentioned by Rebecca):

• Try Rebecca’s mini course if you’re new to this work; consider the 5-module course for deeper practice HERE
• Parts 1 HERE & Part 2 of this series HERE

🔗 Follow Rebecca Prolman

Instagram | TikTok | YouTube → @rebeccaprolman

Join John in Costa Rica, Dec 1–5. A retreat for connection, creativity, and fresh starts with an optional two-day medicine journey. Sign up HERE

📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack HERE

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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John Kim and Rebecca Prolman unpack how childhood attachment wounds and the shame-based adaptations they create - shape adult relationships. They trace core capacities (connection, attunement, trust, autonomy, love/sexuality) and show how co-regulation and healthy boundaries restore intimacy and desire.

Resources mentioned:

• NARM (NeuroAffective Relational Model) framework and a 5-module course by Rebecca you can find HERE
• Part 1 of this series HERE

🔗 Follow Rebecca Prolman

Instagram | TikTok | YouTube → @rebeccaprolman

Join John in Costa Rica, Dec 1–5. A retreat for connection, creativity, and fresh starts with an optional two-day medicine journey. Sign up HERE

📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack HERE

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In Part 1 of this 3-episode series, John Kim and licensed therapist Rebecca Prolman break down attachment trauma in clear, human terms. They unpack emotional neglect, nervous-system dysregulation, the NARM approach (NeuroAffective Relational Model), and why so many of us carry shame that isn’t ours. You’ll learn the core dilemma children face (“stay connected to myself or stay safe in the bond?”), how that shapes adult relationships, and why agency + self-compassion are non-negotiables for healing.

What you’ll learn:

• Attachment trauma vs “big-T” trauma
• Emotional neglect and why it’s so slippery to see
• The core dilemma and how shame gets internalized
• NARM, survival strategies, and nervous-system regulation
• Why we numb (food, sex, alcohol, scrolling)
• Agency: choosing with awareness instead of self-shame

🔗 Follow Rebecca Prolman

Instagram | TikTok | YouTube → @rebeccaprolman

Join John in Costa Rica, Dec 1–5. A retreat for connection, creativity, and fresh starts with an optional two-day medicine journey. Sign up HERE

📘 Read John’s new book in progress

Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack HERE

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What happens when therapy becomes personal? In this raw and honest conversation, John Kim talks with licensed therapist Rebecca Prolman about her real-life experience of falling for her therapist — and what it taught her about attachment, shame, and healing.

Together they explore the taboo topic of client-therapist attraction, transference and counter-transference, and how therapy can mirror our deepest childhood wounds.

💬 Topics include:

• Why we develop crushes on therapists (and what it really means)
• The difference between a crush and being in love
• How to talk about attraction safely in therapy
• When boundaries blur and healing turns into heartbreak
• Why honesty is the path to repair

✨ Connect with Rebecca Prolman:
Instagram | TikTok | YouTube: @rebeccaprolman

Website: rebeccaprolman.com

Join John in Costa Rica, Dec 1–5. A retreat for connection, creativity, and fresh starts with an optional two-day medicine journey. Sign up HERE

📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack HERE

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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In this episode, John dives into some of the most honest, relatable, and raw relationship questions we all face — from managing triggers and attachment styles to knowing when it’s time to let go.
If you’ve ever asked yourself “Am I loving the wrong way?” or “How do I know if this relationship is worth it?” — this one’s for you.

It’s not about perfect love — it’s about real, healthy connection.

Join John in Costa Rica, Dec 1–5. A retreat for connection, creativity, and fresh starts with an optional two-day medicine journey. Sign up HERE

📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack HERE

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this special episode, John Kim brings together five brilliant voices - Amy Chan, Terri Cole, Dene Logan, Vanessa Bennett, and Daniel Stewart - for a raw and honest conversation about love, grief, codependency, and what it really means to grow.

They unpack:

• Turning loss into a wake-up call 🌿
• The biology of heartbreak and trauma bonds ❤️‍🔥
• How to tell if growth is healthy or self-abandonment
• What a “midlife crisis” is really trying to teach us
• Redefining partnership, independence, and self-love

It’s messy, heartfelt, and deeply human -  a quilt of wisdom and laughter about what it means to be alive and love in 2025.

Guests:

• Amy Chan – Author of “Breakup Bootcamp” @missamychan
• Terri Cole – Author of “The Boundary Boss” & “Too Much” @terricole
• Dene Logan – Author of “Sovereign Love” @dene.logan
• Vanessa Bennett – Author of “The Motherhood Myth” @vanessabennetttherapy
• Daniel Stewart – Psychotherapist, teacher & musician @minstrelion

Join John in Costa Rica, Dec 1–5. A retreat for connection, creativity, and fresh starts with an optional two-day medicine journey. Sign up HERE

Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack HERE

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this week’s episode, John Kim shares a real story about risk, fear, and transformation. What started as a property deal in Costa Rica turned into a profound reminder about the power of mindset.

When we shift from fear to growth, everything changes - from how we love to how we live.

✨ Episode Highlights:

• How a 25-year-old inspired a new way to think about challenges
• Why growth mindset leads to freedom
• Turning your environment into a therapeutic tool
• Living in flow, not fear

Connect with Luis Perez — Costa Rica Real Estate Agent

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/luisperezrealestate/

Website: https://perezrealestategroupcr.com/

Whatsapp: wa.me/50683199154

🌴 John’s first Costa Rica Retreat runs Dec 1–5 - built around play, connection, and somatic wellness.  Sign up HERE

📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You → The Angry Therapist on SubStack

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

There’s a freedom that comes in your 40s that no one warns you about - because it doesn’t come from achievement or success. It comes from shedding.

In this episode, John and Vanessa talk about what it really means to stop giving a f*ck - not in the cynical sense, but in the self-loving one.It’s about choosing your energy wisely, letting go of people and stories that no longer fit, and returning to who you were before the world told you to shrink.

This is the power of midlife clarity. It’s not burnout - it’s rebirth.

In this episode:

• What “not giving a f*ck” really means (hint: it’s not apathy)
• How turning 40 rewires your priorities
• Knowing what’s yours to own - and what’s not
• The end of proving yourself and chasing validation
• Returning to your core self
• The quiet strength of keeping promises to yourself

Mentioned in this episode:

Vanessa’s Inter Compass Academy - coaching through the lens of depth psychology.

Join the next cohort HERE⁠ or learn more about Vanessa HERE

Follow Vanessa on Instagram: @vanessaabennett

Join John in Costa Rica, Dec 1–5. A retreat for connection, creativity, and fresh starts with an optional two-day medicine journey. Sign up HERE

John’s SubStack HERE

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What happens when love feels like pressure - when “I’m proud of you” never came? In this honest conversation, John Kim and John Wang, author of Big Asian Energy, talk about growing up with parents who equated love with achievement, and what it takes to finally feel enough on your own terms.

In this episode, you’ll hear about:

• The invisible weight of trying to make your parents proud
• Why love often sounds like pressure in achievement-driven families
• The difference between being accepted and truly belonging
• Healing generational patterns of sacrifice and self-doubt
• Redefining success to include joy, rest, and self-worth

📘 John Wang’s book, Big Asian Energy, is available HERE and wherever books are sold.

👉 Follow John Wang on Instagram @johnwangofficial

John Wang's Website HERE

Join John in Costa Rica, Dec 1–5. A retreat for connection, creativity, and fresh starts with an optional two-day medicine journey. Sign up HERE

John’s SubStack HERE

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices