Transforming Relationships through the Law of Observation

The Law of Observation is one of the most empowering and joyful biblical principles that invites us to shape our experiences by where we place our attention. In Philippians 4:8, we’re called to focus on “whatever is noble, right, pure, lovely…” because when we choose to see the good, we bring it to life. This principle reminds us that we’re co-creators of our reality—what we choose to notice and appreciate influences not only our inner peace but also our relationships.

Amplifying Positivity in Relationships

Our attention is like a spotlight: by focusing on our loved ones’ strengths, kindness, and positive qualities, we encourage those traits to flourish. This doesn’t mean ignoring challenges, but it does mean choosing to nurture the good. In doing so, we create an atmosphere of love, gratitude, and connection that blesses everyone around us.

Shaping Responses to Challenges

Relationships inevitably bring challenges, but the Law of Observation offers a path through them. Instead of dwelling on what’s wrong, we can choose to observe solutions and the potential for healing. Philippians 4:8 encourages us to “think about such things” that are praiseworthy and excellent, reminding us to approach each other with grace and a willingness to see the best in each situation.

Creating an Atmosphere of Growth and Support

When we focus on growth and potential in our relationships, we help create an environment where love and respect thrive. Instead of fixating on flaws or conflicts, the Law of Observation helps us see relationships as a work in progress, inviting patience and grace.

Encouraging Mindfulness and Presence

Relationships flourish when we bring our full presence and attention to each interaction. This law reminds us to listen deeply, to cherish each moment, and to remain present. Such mindfulness strengthens bonds, builds trust, and nurtures genuine connection.

Seeing with Faith and Spiritual Vision

The Law of Observation aligns beautifully with faith. By choosing to observe with a heart of belief and trust, we “walk by faith, not by sight” (2 Corinthians 5:7). Through spiritual observation, we align our focus with God’s promises, nurturing the unseen but powerful potential within ourselves and others.

Practical Steps to Apply the Law of Observation in Relationships

1. Practice Gratitude: Regularly acknowledge and express gratitude for qualities you admire in others. This reinforces positive attributes and shifts your focus toward appreciation.
2. Reframe Challenges: When facing difficulties, ask, “What can I learn from this?” or “How can I respond with love?” This reframing allows us to focus on growth and healing.
3. Choose Your Observational Focus: Each day, decide what you want to see more of in your relationships. For instance, if you desire more kindness, make it a habit to notice and appreciate kind acts.

The Law of Observation reminds us that life isn’t just something that happens to us; it’s something we actively shape. When we observe the good, focus on spiritual truths, and nurture love, we create deeper, more harmonious connections that reflect God’s grace. By choosing to see the best in those around us, we bring forth a life filled with joy, gratitude, and divine possibilities.

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Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

1. The Power of Shared Confession and Agreement

The words we say about ourselves and each other have immense power. Proverbs 18:21 reminds us, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue." What we confess about our relationships—whether out loud or in our hearts—sets the tone for how we experience them.

When you  agree on certain values or intentions, you’re essentially creating a shared story. These agreements become the foundation of how you relate to each other, how you handle challenges, and how you move forward together. It could be as simple as saying, “We’re committed to growing together,” or “We believe in the best for each other.”

Imagine the power of a couple or a family aligning their words, intentions, and actions. Instead of living reactively, you’re shaping your relationship with intention. Amos 3:3 asks, "Can two walk together unless they are agreed?" Walking together in agreement is the key to staying in sync through all the phases of life.

2. Writing a Story Together Instead of Living by Default

Many of us go through life and relationships on autopilot. We get caught up in routines, react to situations as they come, and before we know it, we’ve allowed the story of our relationships to be written for us by circumstances.

But what if you made the choice to write your own story together? This means sitting down as a couple, as a family, or even with a close friend, and talking about what you both want. What do you value most? How do you want to handle challenges? What kind of story do you want to look back on in 5, 10, or 20 years?

Proverbs 16:9 reminds us, "The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." While we may not be able to control everything, we can still set intentions and choose how we will respond to life’s twists and turns. By planning and agreeing together, we create a shared vision that will guide us through both smooth sailing and stormy weather.

3. Being Flexible and Adaptable as the Story Evolves

Every relationship goes through seasons—times of joy, times of growth, times of struggle. The agreements and confessions that guided you during your early years together may need to shift as you encounter new phases of life. Ecclesiastes 3:1 tells us, "To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven."

Being adaptable is key. As you move through different stages—whether it’s starting a family, building careers, or facing transitions—you may need to revisit your agreements and make new confessions. The shared story you write together isn’t set in stone—it’s a living narrative that can grow and evolve just as you do.

For example, what worked when you were newlyweds may not fit when you have children or enter retirement. This flexibility allows for growth and ensures that your relationship stays dynamic and resp

4. Intentional, Excited, and Motivated

What makes a shared story exciting is the ability to intentionally shape it. When you approach your relationship with excitement and motivation, you set the tone for how each new chapter will unfold. You don’t have to settle for a “business as usual” mentality in your relationship.

This intentionality doesn’t mean everything will be perfect. But it does mean you’ll have a roadmap to navigate difficulties and a shared vision for where you’re headed.

Romans 12:2 encourages us to "be transformed by the renewing of your mind." As we intentionally renew our thoughts and words, we can transform not only ourselves but the relationships we are building. With each new season, there’s an opportunity to write a new chapter—a chapter filled with growth, love, and mutual understanding.

5. Practical Steps to Start Writing Your Story Together

• Create Agreements: Sit down with your partner or family and talk about the values and principles you both hold dear. Make simple, positive agreements such as, "We will listen to understand" or "We will approach challenges as a team."
• Confess Good Things: Speak life into your relationship. Begin each day with confessions like, "We are building something beautiful together," or "We are a family that supports and loves each other."
• Stay Flexible: Revisit these agreements regularly. As your relationship evolves, be willing to adapt. What worked last year may need to shift as new challenges or opportunities arise.
• Be Excited: Approach this process with joy and excitement. You’re not just reacting to life; you’re actively creating a shared story that reflects your values, hopes, and dreams.

Conclusion: A New Chapter Together

Writing a shared story isn’t about perfection—it’s about intention. It’s about being proactive in how you relate to your partner, family, or loved ones. It’s about building a narrative based on trust, growth, and mutual support.

As you move forward, remember that this story will evolve. Philippians 1:6 assures us, "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion." Trust that as you write this story together, it will unfold beautifully with God’s guidance, growing and changing in ways that reflect the depth of love you’ve built.

So, let’s stop living by default and start writing our shared story—together.

https://www.audreyclub.com/

https://www.bobandaudrey.com/

 

Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

We are hosting a Marriage Getaway 2025 on the beautiful beaches of Jamaica from January 11-18, and we want you to join us!

Click Here for information and you can email us directly: [email protected]

Come to Jamaica with us!

https://traveljoy.com/bookings/iNLp6gac9QCJDi2Epm4KTSmu

https://www.audreyclub.com/

https://www.bobandaudrey.com/

 

https://www.audreyclub.com/

https://www.bobandaudrey.com/

 

Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

https://www.audreyclub.com/

https://www.bobandaudrey.com/

 

Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

We are hosting a Marriage Getaway  2025 on the beautiful beaches of Jamaica from January 11-18, and we want you to join us! Click Here for information and you can email us directly: [email protected]

https://www.audreyclub.com/

https://www.bobandaudrey.com/

Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

 

The Story I’m Telling Myself About You

Have you ever caught yourself making up stories about what someone you love is thinking or feeling, without ever asking them? We all do it. When someone we care about is quiet, distant, or does something we don’t understand, our minds automatically start filling in the blanks. We imagine what might be going on, sometimes assuming the worst. But these stories we tell ourselves can lead to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and emotional distance.

What if, instead of guessing or assuming, we shared these stories with the person we love? Imagine saying, “This is the story I’m telling myself about you right now,” and using that phrase to start a real, honest conversation. This simple sentence has the power to stop assumptions in their tracks and bring us closer to the people we care about by helping us get on the same page. It’s a great way to break the cycle of misunderstanding, build trust, and foster deeper connections.

Owning Your Own Narrative

Before you ever have this conversation with someone you love, it’s important to first have it with yourself. The phrase “This is the story I’m telling myself” encourages self-awareness. It helps you acknowledge that you’re responsible for the stories you tell yourself and that these stories are just one interpretation of reality. Often, when we feel hurt or frustrated, it’s easy to blame the other person for what we think is happening. But by owning your own narrative, you take a moment to reflect and realize that the story may be shaped by your own feelings or insecurities, not by what the other person is actually doing.

This shift is important because it moves the focus away from blaming someone else and puts it on understanding your own internal process. It encourages you to pause, recognize that the way you’re interpreting the situation may not be the full truth, and approach the conversation with a mindset of curiosity rather than accusation. By owning your story first, you open the door to a more honest, understanding dialogue that allows both of you to connect more deeply.

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

In our relationships with family, friends, or anyone we care about, it’s easy to create stories in our heads when we don’t know all the facts. When someone’s behavior or words are unclear, we might start making up explanations that are influenced by our own worries or past experiences. For example, if someone you love is unusually quiet, you might think, “They’re upset with me,” when in reality, they might just be tired or distracted.

These stories are often just guesses, but they can feel real to us. Without checking if they’re true, we act on these assumptions. Using the phrase, “This is the story I’m telling myself about you,” allows us to stop and share our feelings in a way that invites understanding. It’s a way of saying, “This is what I’m thinking, but I might be wrong—can you help me understand?” This gives the other person a chance to explain, and you both have the opportunity to clear things up before misunderstandings take root.

The Impact of Assumptions

When we act on these assumptions without checking if they’re true, it can lead to real problems. You might end up feeling hurt, misunderstood, or even angry about something that wasn’t happening at all. These misunderstandings, left unchecked, can grow, causing emotional distance and making it harder to connect with the people we love.

A lot of times, the stories we tell ourselves come from our own insecurities or fears. If we’ve been hurt in the past, we might assume the worst, even when it isn’t happening. Without addressing these feelings, they can create unnecessary tension in our relationships. If we don’t talk about what’s really going on, we risk building walls that keep us from understanding each other.

How to Break the Habit of Assuming

The phrase “This is the story I’m telling myself about you” can help break this habit of making assumptions. It allows us to pause and think about what we’re really feeling before reacting. Instead of assuming we know what the other person is thinking, we share our thoughts and feelings openly, creating room for a real conversation.

This phrase works because it invites both people to share their perspectives. It encourages us to ask questions and be curious, rather than jumping to conclusions. Instead of reacting based on a story we’ve created in our minds, we can check in with the other person and get to the truth. When we’re curious rather than assuming, we’re more likely to understand each other and avoid unnecessary conflict.

Building Closer Connections

Using this phrase also takes a bit of courage. It means admitting that we don’t have all the answers, and that can feel vulnerable. But that vulnerability can lead to deeper trust and stronger connections. When we’re open and honest about how we feel, it makes the people we love feel safe to do the same.

It’s easy to react out of fear or frustration when we’re unsure about something. But instead of reacting, we can pause and ask, “Is this really true? Or is this just the story I’m telling myself?” By choosing to be curious and checking in with someone you love, you avoid unnecessary arguments and build stronger, healthier relationships. Being honest about your thoughts and inviting clarity fosters understanding and emotional closeness.

How You Can Start Today

If you notice that you’re starting to make up stories in your head about someone you love, try using this phrase to check in with yourself first and then with them. Instead of jumping to conclusions, take a moment to reflect on what you’re feeling. Share it with them using, “This is the story I’m telling myself about you right now,” and see how it opens the door to an honest conversation.

When we stop assuming and start asking for clarity, we build trust and get closer to the people we care about. These conversations may feel uncomfortable at first, but they can help us grow and strengthen our relationships. The next time you feel unsure, try using this phrase to break the habit of making assumptions, and watch how it transforms your connection with those you love.

Scripture to Reflect On:

• Philippians 4:8 – "Think about things that are true, noble, and worthy of praise."
• Romans 12:2 – "Let your mind be transformed so you can know God’s will."
• Proverbs 4:23 – "Guard your heart, because everything you do flows from it."
• Psalm 19:14 – "Let the words I speak and the thoughts in my heart be pleasing to you, God."

By using this simple communication tool, you can prevent misunderstandings and strengthen your relationships with the people you love. Building trust and fostering open conversations with those around you will create more meaningful and connected relationships.

https://www.audreyclub.com/

https://www.bobandaudrey.com/

 

Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

https://www.audreyclub.com/

https://www.bobandaudrey.com/

Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

 

Join us, Bob and Audrey Meisner, for an unforgettable marriage retreat experience at Couples Tower Isle in Jamaica!

https://traveljoy.com/bookings/iNLp6gac9QCJDi2Epm4KTSmu

Every relationship carries within it a dream—a vision of deep connection, mutual understanding, and unshakeable trust. This dream is not just a fantasy; it is a tangible reality that can be achieved when two essential elements come together: sensitivity and security. Together, these create the foundation for a healthy, fulfilling partnership that allows love to thrive.

Sensitivity + Security = The Relationship Dream

The Key Takeaway:

Sensitivity is a beautiful and necessary component of a strong relationship, but it must be paired with security to truly flourish. Without security, sensitivity can trigger insecurities and lead to destructive patterns. Therefore, building a secure foundation of trust and self-assurance is essential for any relationship to thrive.

 

https://www.audreyclub.com/

https://www.bobandaudrey.com/

 

Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

Jamaican Retreat 2025 January 11-18

with Bob & Audrey Meisner

https://traveljoy.com/bookings/iNLp6gac9QCJDi2Epm4KTSmu

Things to Note:

• Daily Sessions with Bob & Audrey
• Afternoons and evenings are yours to enjoy at your leisure
• Reserve your spot early as availability is limited to 10 couples
• This is a beautiful and luxurious All-Inclusive Experience
• Experience the Joy of Life and Love!  Laughing and cherishing every moment together as a couple isn’t just a wish—it can become your reality!
• Anticipate the heartfelt Renewal of Your Vows, a truly unforgettable moment.
Plus, enjoy ample free time to bask in the sunshine, reconnect, and dream big for your marriage!
• Space is limited, so secure your spot soon!

 

https://www.audreyclub.com/

https://www.bobandaudrey.com/

 

Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

 

https://www.audreyclub.com/

https://www.bobandaudrey.com/

 

Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

https://www.audreyclub.com/

https://www.bobandaudrey.com/

Music by Bohdan Kuzmin from Pixabay

https://www.audreyclub.com/

https://www.bobandaudrey.com/

 

Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

https://www.audreyclub.com/

https://www.bobandaudrey.com/

Music by Bohdan Kuzmin from Pixabay

https://www.audreyclub.com/

https://www.bobandaudrey.com/

 

Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

God has given us gifts to enrich our lives and the lives of those around us. It is through giving and receiving gifts that we can experience security, comfort, ease, and enjoyment in our relationships. In this series, you will learn how reframing our relationships and perspectives can lead to a profound shift in how we experience life. Foundational to our growth steps is to recognize and experience that our joy comes from the life of God within, and not from external sources, we can find happiness and contentment in every moment. With intention and regaining our power of choice, we can reframe our thinking, we can develop and grow in our journey towards a life of promise full of abundance.https://www.audreyclub.com/ https://www.bobandaudrey.com/   Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

EP175: When I feel like I’m failing…

I know… it sounds so dramatic, but it’s easy to feel like we have failed as parents when we feel unappreciated or even attacked or blamed. This week, we faced some unexpected disappointments, and insecurity stepped in and initiated negative narratives that were (very) short of hopefulness. But it was a quick turnaround!

Every setback in any relationship is an opportunity for growth and every contrast we encounter is a chance to come back even stronger. And most of all, more secure.  

The next time you feel contrast, in other words, something that is clearly NOT your preference, it’s the perfect time to give yourself a pass, and then find the golden nuggets of wisdom that will make you brighter, stronger, wiser, shinier, and more resilient than ever.  

The first thing to remember after experiencing a contrasting disappointment is to remember that you have a choice. You can attach your meaning to the situation. If you can embrace your security in God’s friendship and reassure yourself of the gift your personality is, you can tell yourself a story of redemption and restoration. In every and any situation. This is powerful news!  

When we feel judged, we tend to quickly judge that person back. When we react out of a broken heart, we will continue to project judgments on the people around us to feel better about ourselves. This is what keeps us stuck.  

We can develop the skill and compassion to carry one another’s feelings of pain, rather than correct them. There’s a season of understanding and validating that is extremely helpful, and is an effective way to show unconditional love.  

Research shows that the happiest and most satisfied people are those who see their loved ones in a positive light…many times even more positively than they see themselves! A highly thought of person is a well-loved person.  

You can learn to change your mind… and your relationships will change. Instead of a fixed mindset (This will never change!) we encourage you to develop a growth mindset! (I can adjust!). Problems feel huge at the moment, but when your mindset adjusts, your choice is engaged, and the “problem” loses its “hugeness” and power.  

Integrity and Intent coupled together create hope and trust. And when that integrity is strong, and foundationally sound, it’s the perfect place to let your imagination dream with new ideas and tap into wondrous possibilities! 

Great Ideas to Ponder:

• What do you think about yourself?
• How or what do you think about your spouse/family members?
• What is one of the purposes of your marriage/family relationships?
• What are your current thoughts and feelings toward your most significant relationships?
• Start today, plan that one thing you never thought you could, and do something about it.  

When we make bold dreams, and our hearts are willing and surrender to God’s ways and God's thoughts, we milk life for everything it’s got for us! So let’s apply this to our lives in a very practical way. Let’s squeeze the best out of every situation and refuse to waste our pain. And when we aren’t perfect, and life isn’t perfect, we give ourselves a HUGE PASS and say, I shall hunt for the treasure here and learn to love better every day.

https://www.bobandaudrey.com/

https://www.audreyclub.com/

Music by Bohdan Kuzmin from Pixabay

https://www.audreyclub.com/

https://www.bobandaudrey.com/

 

Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

https://www.audreyclub.com/

https://www.bobandaudrey.com/

Music by Bohdan Kuzmin from Pixabay

https://www.audreyclub.com/

https://www.bobandaudrey.com/

 

Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.