This is a topic that has been on Leslie and Leslyn’s list since starting the podcast. If you’re in a relationship whether it be only a few months or many, many years, there are challenges to being in a relationship.

They start off the episode discussing the relationship issues surrounding fidelity. Leslyn shares that a huge percentage of people who deal with fidelity never even reach counseling for these issues. Those that do, Leslyn starts off the couple’s therapy by stating that if the couple is invested in saving the marriage and they do the work there is a 50% change that they can make that happen. It’s important to note that affairs do not happen in healthy relationship as the relationship is typically not vulnerable to someone outside of marriage if it is healthy. Leslyn continues by stating if we want to take care of something and keep it, it requires maintenance. We maintain our homes, cars, lawn, furnace, and even our own health. Why not a relationship? Everything that we want to keep requires maintenance and relationships should not be different.

Bickering is another challenge that can face couples in a relationship. It’s important to understand what connotation bickering may hold for you. Bickering is unhealthy when it includes backstabbing or degrading comments about one another. Leslyn shares a story about a couple who fights all the time. For the husband, he picked up the pattern by watching is parents and saw it as a normal part of the relationship. While the wife had never seen her parents bicker or have a disagreement. You must find a middle ground that is comfortable for both sides.

Criticism can often be more subtle downplays than seen in bickering. Criticism over time all by itself can be caner to a relationship, it breaks down the ego and esteem of the person who is being criticized. Leslyn states that no one want to be around you if they will feel less than when they are with you. This can bleed into the next point, name-calling. This can be called contempt and Leslyn believes it is the single most destructive thing that can happen in a relationship. Calling your significant other degrading and inappropriate things can break them down. When we allow ourselves to be treated this way or be disrespected, or if we are the one disrespecting a person who deserves human compassion, we can never start on the right foot. When you are mad if you feel that you must use that language, you can write it down and throw it out but do not speak it to the person that you just said I love you to.

Another incredibly destructive thing to relationships is inattention. It often will be seen by one partner as something they were not aware of, which is probably part of the problem that is rising. If you are not paying attention, your partner can feel that. Checking in and making a connection with your loved one is crucial and can prevent things from turning into more of a roommate situation. Roommates will be good co-parents but do not make any time for each other. They are platonically connected but there is no romantic engagement occurring anymore. Absence in physicality can cause issues in a relationship. Without physical connection, problems ensue. Physicality of some kind is important in keeping passion and suggestion more alive in the relationship.

Threats to leave is when the idea of plan B comes into play. How can someone feel safe and secure if their partner is threatening to leave or the person feels like they are being pushed away. Threats to leave are not usually coming from a place that the person could not survive without their partner but instead it is used as a control tactic or because fear of not getting what we want so we push people away. Usually the thing that we want is love.

The last point, Leslyn shares is something that she would change in the world if she could and that is assumptions. When we make assumptions, we are anticipating a reaction based on an assumption that we have. Assumptions prevent you from living fully and make room for misinterpretations and mistakes. It is important to say that you can make assumptions if you have double checked and validated the assumption. Unvalidated assumptions are routed in discourse and leave the door open for disappointment.

Today’s Try This at Home is to make sure that you cover this list with yourself and note if there are any pieces that need maintenance in your relationship. Check in with you partner and seek counseling if necessary.

Subscribe to this channel for new podcasts EVERY WEDNESDAY and Try This at Home!

Next Week’s Episode: How to Maintain a Healthy Marriage

One of our goals this year is to grow the podcast audience and you can help!

We would truly appreciate a share or a shout out if you found the ideas here helpful.

Don’t forget, you can always touch base with us personally on our Facebook, Instagram, and our website trythisathomepodcast.com

Can’t Get Enough? Follow us on our other platforms!

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thisisleslyn

Twitter: https://twitter.com/TryThisAtHomeP1

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXg2RODfYz2Rrc8tUO0ti5Q

Listen to the Podcast at https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/ or on iTunes, Spotify, and Sticher!

Episode Notes:

Leslie and Leslyn begin the episode explaining their interpretation of ‘life changing’ when it comes to books that have facilitated in personal growth and retrospection. These books did not incite dramatic life changing events but instead planted the seeds to grow.

Leslie’s first book recommendation is Better Than Before: What I Learned About Making and Breaking Habits by Gretchen Rubin. Leslie shares the quote, “How we schedule our days is how we spend our lives.” It’s the biggest thing she learned from the book, as the little things that we do repeatedly everyday make a huge impact in our lives. Leslie also shares the quote, “The biggest waste of time is to do well in the thing that we need to do at all.” The overall message of the book is something that Leslie has thought about countless times.

Leslyn’s first book recommendation is Complete Conversations with God: An Uncommon Dialogue by Neale Donald Walsch. Leslyn shares the quote, “Religion asks you to learn from the experience of others, spirituality urges you to seek your own.” This book spoke to Leslyn and helped her seek her own understanding of what it means to be spiritual. Leslyn believes that this book took all the things that Leslyn believed in and loved about her Catholicism and her Christian faith and put it in a way that allowed her to consider a much broader understanding of what it meant for her to be a spiritual person. This is the book that Leslyn has recommended more than any other piece because it allowed her to open her mind.

The second book recommendation from Leslie is Circle Maker: Praying Circles Around Your Biggest Dreams by Mark Batterson. The main focus of the text is surrounding prayer. Leslie’s takeaway is that before she was not as persistent with prayer as she would like to be. A quote that stood out for Leslie was, “Every miracle starts as a problem.” Often times we do not think about the problems and thing it will turn into something positive. This book, Leslie credits, for changing the way she thought about prayer and the things she saw she could improve and did improve on.

Leslyn’s second book recommendation is Messages from the Masters by Brian Weiss. Written by a traditional psychotherapist, he found one of his patients when under hypnosis for pain began to recall past life traumas that seem to be the cause of her recurring nightmares and anxiety attacks. The takeaway for Leslyn is that love is never a dependency and at all times you can practice the experience of love. It helped Leslyn stay focused and grounded in love during some of the toughest time of her life.

Leslie’s last book recommendation is Keep It Shut: What to Say, How to Say It, and When to Say Nothing at All by Karen Ehman. Leslie originally became interested in this book as she finds she is a pretty open book about life and she sometimes forgets that not everyone is like that. This book helps a number of practical pieces and let Leslie understand that she didn’t need to tell everyone everything.

Leslyn’s last book recommendation, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. The book is described as “a powerful new vision that encourages to dare greatly, to embrace vulnerability, and imperfection to live whole heartedly and courageously engage in our lives.” A powerful ideal, Leslyn shares the book talks about shame and how it is the cornerstone of disfunction. This book helped Leslyn expose herself and learn that it is okay to not hide behind things.

This week’s Try This at Home is to discover what book recommendations you can identify with and what you should add to your next book list!

Subscribe to this channel for new podcasts EVERY WEDNESDAY and Try This at Home!

Next Week’s Episode: Marriage Cancers

One of our goals this year is to grow the podcast audience and you can help!

We would truly appreciate a share or a shout out if you found the ideas here helpful.

Don’t forget, you can always touch base with us personally on our Facebook, Instagram, and our website trythisathomepodcast.com

Links to Look At:

Gretchen Rubin | Better Than Before: What I Learned About Making and Breaking Habits

[https://www.amazon.com/Better-Than-Before-Habits-Procrastinate/dp/0385348630]

Neale Donald Walsch The Complete Conversations with God: An Uncommon Dialogue

[https://www.amazon.com/Complete-Conversations-Neale-Donald-Walsch/dp/0399153292]

Mark Batterson | The Circle Maker: Praying Circles Around Your Biggest Dreams and Greatest Fears

[https://www.amazon.com/The-Circle-Maker-Mark-Batterson-audiobook/dp/B006RVEP3E]

Brian Weiss | Messages from the Masters: Tapping into the Power of Love

[https://www.amazon.com/Messages-Masters-Tapping-into-Power/dp/0446676926]

Karen Ehman | Keep It Shut: What to Say, How to Say It, and When to Say Nothing at All

[https://www.amazon.com/Keep-Shut-What-When-Nothing/dp/0310339642]

Brené Brown | Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love Parent, and Lead

[https://www.amazon.com/Daring-Greatly-Courage-Vulnerable-Transforms/dp/1592408419]

Can’t Get Enough? Follow us on our other platforms!

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thisisleslyn

Twitter: https://twitter.com/TryThisAtHomeP1

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXg2RODfYz2Rrc8tUO0ti5Q

Listen to the Podcast at https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/ or on iTunes, Spotify, and Sticher!

On the last episode of Season 2 of Try This at Home, Leslie and Leslyn start off by reviewing some of the changes the podcast has faced in light of the COVID-19 pandemic and move into a reflection of the year as a whole. In the beginning of the second season, Leslie and Leslyn started by catching up and really defining the idea behind Try This at Home. The reasonings behind Try This at Home, and at this point the 80 Try This at Home’s that have been shared over the episodes, is to try to motivate the listener to think about what they can do at home to improve their overall quality of life.

This improvement or change is not always an enormous one and often the most lasting changes in life come from the small things we do. Leslyn shares a quote by Confucius, “The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.” Lasting change is achieved by doing one thing at a time. This is eluded to in a number of the episodes specially seen in the episodes that cover random kindness, friendship, social media, and connection.

Leslyn’s favorite episodes of the season were those that focused on deep introspective questions. Episodes such as passive permission, what is truth, and what is normal. While Leslie’s favorite episodes of the seasons revolved around the topics surrounding the pandemic as it has become a part of living history. Leslyn also shares that the podcasts covering pandemic life had the main focus of adaptation and patience. Another favorite of season two were the book review episodes at the beginning of the season. As an avid book lover, Leslie offers a book recommendation for the winter months called Dream Daughter by Diane Chamberlain. Leslyn gives the listeners a movie recommendation titled The Christmas Shoes.

While we are still living the pandemic life, Leslie and Leslyn share their plans for the holidays and some of the big plans they have before the year is over. Leslie and Leslyn share that if you find yourself at home over the break and just need a little boost, some heavy thinking time, or even to stimulate some conversation around your dinner table, there are numerous episodes that offer you help on how to apply the little things in your life.

By the time this episode is out, the election will be over and regardless of the outcome, you may find yourself needing to go back and listen to some of the Try This at Home’s episodes. Leslie and Leslyn recommend starting with the episodes on communication, negativity, and kindness. It’s important to remember that survival is about adaptation. Peace, love, joy, and connection does not come from defining right and wrong or creating a right or wrong argument. You must learn to look at differences and find a way to respect and accept those differences.

This week’s Try This at Home is to pay attention to the little things that you can do to move mountains. What is your contribution to moving the mountains in your world?

Join us again for season 3 coming back to your favorite steaming platforms February 2021!

Subscribe to this channel for new podcasts EVERY WEDNESDAY and Try This at Home!

Next Week’s Episode: See You Next Season!!

One of our goals this year is to grow the podcast audience and you can help!

We would truly appreciate a share or a shout out if you found the ideas here helpful.

Don’t forget, you can always touch base with us personally on our Facebook, Instagram, and our website trythisathomepodcast.com

Links to Look At:

Leslie’s Book Recommendation: The Dream Daughter by Diane Chamberlain

[https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/37638145-the-dream-daughter]

Leslyn’s Movie Recommendation: The Christmas Shoes

[https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0330152/]

Episodes to Reflect Back On:

Try This at Home’s Episode 234: Coping with Disappointment

[https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/podcasts-1/2020/9/22/coping-with-disappointment]

Try This at Home’s Episode 229: Fostering Positivity

[https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/podcasts-1/2020/8/19/229]

Try This at Home’s Episode 220: Coping with Negativity

[https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/podcasts-1/2020/6/3/220-coping-with-negativity]

Try This at Home’s Episode 202: Random Kindness

[https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/podcasts-1/2020/2/1/202-random-kindness]

Can’t Get Enough? Follow us on our other platforms!

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thisisleslyn

Twitter: https://twitter.com/TryThisAtHomeP1

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXg2RODfYz2Rrc8tUO0ti5Q

Listen to the Podcast at https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/ or on iTunes, Spotify, and Sticher!

Episode Notes:

On last week’s episode, Leslie and Leslyn shared some of the major problems that married couples can face and decided to continue this topic to focus on some of the healthy relationship aspects that help maintain a happy marriage. Leslie starts off the episode by sharing some advice that has saved her relationship a few times. When Leslie and her husband disagree on something, whoever feels the strongest on the situation will be what they decide on. This requires maturity and a real commitment to being honest about who truly cares more about the situation. Leslyn adds she often advises couples to rank how they feel on a scale of one to ten and the person who ranks high should be the one making the decision. If both parties have strong opinions on the situation a compromise must be created.

To have a magic marriage, one must make it their job to learn how to communicate effectively. Leslie and Leslyn explain this point by discussing communication when it comes to wants and needs in the relationship. Following effective communication, magic marriage couples also show daily appreciation. Many couples that Leslyn has in her office often say they do not feel appreciated. Not feeling appreciated, outside of infidelity, is the single biggest complaints seen in unhealthy marriages. People who feel appreciated do not have broken marriages and it is critical to practice daily appreciation with your partner to maintain a healthy relationship.

The number one recommendation that Leslyn offers to her couples is that they must have something as a couple to look forward to. This can be a vacation, a project around the house, a weekend away, or even a dinner date night. Couples should find something that they are jointly looking forward to, this can unite the couple to a similar vision of the future. Checking in and making sure you are on the same page with regularity also relates to the last point as being united to a future goal is important. It’s important to connect and check in to make sure that you are on the same page on a regular basis to maintain a healthy, happy relationship.

The next way that helps maintain a healthy relationship is to always be invested in sharing at least one interest. As life goes on, it may not even seem obvious when an interest is no longer shared. When this happens, it is important to recognize when an interest has completely diverged, and course correct by reconnecting with another shared interest. Checking in with each other also shows up physically, where Leslyn believes things such as cuddling or checking in, in a similar manner is important to maintaining a happy marriage.

Scheduling relationship maintenance time is also crucial to a healthy relationship. This can be in the form of date nights, a weekend away, or checking in with a marriage counselor or coach. Leslyn suggests that this must be on your calendar with a plan in place, a budget to follow, and completion of the time together. Having your partners back and showing loyalty benefit the couple immensely as well as forgiving often when it comes to mistakes. It’s important to remember that accidents and mistakes happen once, but when it repeats that action becomes a choice and now is a problem in the relationship. The last point to maintaining a healthy relationship is to let things go. Bringing up old stuff in the relationship will never amount to moving forward in the relationship.

This week’s try this at home is to check in with your relationship to take part in a relationship tune-up. To have a healthy relationship, you communicate well, appreciate each other, have something to look forward to, regularly check in, share interests, cuddle often, have date nights, stay loyal, forgive, and let things go. When you are able to accomplish these things in your relationship, that is when it becomes a magic marriage.

Subscribe to this channel for new podcasts EVERY WEDNESDAY and Try This at Home!

Next Week’s Episode: Year End Review

One of our goals this year is to grow the podcast audience and you can help!

We would truly appreciate a share or a shout out if you found the ideas here helpful.

Don’t forget, you can always touch base with us personally on our Facebook, Instagram, and our website trythisathomepodcast.com

Links to Look At:

Last Week’s Try This at Home Episode: The Death of a Relationship

[https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/podcasts-1/2020/10/13/the-death-of-a-relationship]

Try This at Home’s Episode 12: Communication Styles

[https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/podcasts-1/2019/4/16/communication-styles]

Try This at Home’s Episode 13: 8 Rules for Better Communication

[https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/podcasts-1/2019/4/21/8-rules-for-better-communication]

Try This at Home’s Episode 14: Getting Defensive – Part 1

[https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/podcasts-1/2019/4/25/getting-defensive-part-1]

Try This at Home’s Episode 15: Getting Defensive – Part 2

[https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/podcasts-1/2019/4/25/getting-defensive-part-2]

Try This at Home’s Episode 16: How to Win Fights

[https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/podcasts-1/2019/5/8/how-to-win-fights]

Try This at Home’s Episode 17: Communication Pitfalls

[https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/podcasts-1/2019/5/8/communication-pitfalls]

Try This at Home’s Episode 19: Listening Like a Champ

[https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/podcasts-1/2019/6/3/19-listening-like-a-champ]

Can’t Get Enough? Follow us on our other platforms!

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thisisleslyn

Twitter: https://twitter.com/TryThisAtHomeP1

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXg2RODfYz2Rrc8tUO0ti5Q

In recent TikTok Lives, Leslyn consistently gets the questions ‘how do we find a good therapist’ and ‘can I work with you’. While it is certainly important to find a good therapist, there is a difference between the needs and what professional you should be searching for. Therapists help clients work through their specific issues and often clients go in knowing some of the areas that need to be worked on. While life coaches usually help their clients stay on track with their goals and can be beneficial for continual growth.

To determine what professional would be most beneficial, it’s important to understand that there are all kinds of different therapists. Therapy is often called psychotherapy, counseling, or just therapy. Counseling is conducted by someone who is a highly trained and skilled healthcare professional. This healthcare professional receives training in diagnoses, problematic beliefs, behaviors, relationships, feelings, and sometimes even physiological responses. Many of these topics can be paused or triggered by past issues and self-destructive habits making therapy the place to dig under your current emotional spectrum to discover why the problems are there and how to repair them.

All types of psychological counseling will be regulated by the state in which you live with most states giving licensure to healthcare professionals. Most often you need at least a master’s degree in a counseling related field this can be degrees such as mental health counseling, social work, marriage and family therapy, or psychology. During and after receiving a graduate degree, a specific number of clinical hours are needed depending on your state this could be anywhere from 2000 to 4000 clinical hours. If a professional has a PhD level often they will have a research and academic focus while PSYD, or doctorate in psychology, will be more clinically oriented. Other types of therapists can be LCSWs, LCPCs, or LPCs. A LCSW is a licensed clinical social worker, LCPC is a licensed clinical professional counselor, and an LPC is a licensed professional counselor. It’s important to really understand that a therapist, psychotherapist, or a mental health counselor who hold a license are highly trained medical professionals with clinical experience.

When looking for a therapist, you may come across licensed and non-licensed counselors. A licensed counselor must be stated. If not licensed, anyone can take the title of counselor without even having the education required for licensure. Leslyn urges that if you are seeking counseling/psychotherapy to check out your state board licenses and confirm that the person you are speaking to is licensed in your state.

When it comes to life coaches there is not a requirement to begin working as a life coach but Leslie and Leslyn offer a few tips on how to find a good coach. There are life coach programs that award certifications and Leslie think that a good coach would take the steps to go through some program or at least be seriously interested in educating themselves in coaching. Leslyn shares that if you can afford it, seeing someone who is a therapist and a life coach can be beneficial. All therapists can be life coaches as they are trained in the topics but not all life coaches can be therapists. A good life coach will recommend their clients to a specialist if a serious mental health issue is uncovered to consider psychotherapy options.

When choosing the right therapist or coach, choose someone based on referrals or after researching and seeing their presence on the Internet. If your coach or therapist, does not have a presence online, reach out and ask for a free consultation. In this consultation you will want to be face-to-face (in-person, or virtually) as you need to establish a connection. Leslie brings a tip when starting therapy that you have to be prepared for some hard truths as sometimes what is most helpful is not the thing that you want to hear.

This week’s Try This at Home is to make a mental note that if you are looking to uncover and recover seek a therapist but if you are looking to discover seek a life coach!

Subscribe to this channel for new podcasts EVERY WEDNESDAY and Try This at Home!

Next Week’s Episode: Books that Changed Us.

One of our goals this year is to grow the podcast audience and you can help!

We would truly appreciate a share or a shout out if you found the ideas here helpful.

Don’t forget, you can always touch base with us personally on our Facebook, Instagram, and our website trythisathomepodcast.com

Links to Look At:

Psychologist License Lookup State by State

[https://www.psychologytoday.com]

Can’t Get Enough? Follow us on our other platforms!

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thisisleslyn

Twitter: https://twitter.com/TryThisAtHomeP1

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXg2RODfYz2Rrc8tUO0ti5Q

Listen to the Podcast at https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/ or on iTunes, Spotify, and Sticher!

Why am I here? It turns out identifying your life’s purpose can actually increase an overall sense of wellbeing. Pablo Picasso believes, “the purpose of life is to give it away.” While Oprah has been quoted saying, “There is no greater gift you can give or receive than to honor your calling it’s why you were born and how you become most truly alive.” To live your most authentic life you must be your most authentic self. You have to find yourself and ask where you are most engaged in your most authentic self. It’s important to think about what the idea of having a purpose means.

It has been established in previous episodes that scientists believe that having a sense of purpose is adaptive in evolutionary sense and helps the species along the way. People who research this idea believe that there are two things that create a sense of purpose. The first being the ways that you use your special gifts. In a previous episode discussion authenticity, and the value and action inventory assessment. In Leslyn’s Elevate class, participants each take the value and action inventory and focus on their top five values. When you integrate your values into your daily life you are going to feel as if you are striving to achieve your purpose. The second way to grow our purpose is through our connection to others.

In a 2018 article in Greater Good Magazine, Jeremy Smith shares the six ways to find your purpose in life. The first thing he recommends is to read more. Reading connects people to a common thing and we often see ourselves in much of what we read. Leslyn always believes you should make time for something such as a self-help book, relaxation, or connection to fiction. The second way to find your purpose in life is to turn your hurts into healing. When you turn your hurts into healing often what happens is, we start to share that, and people begin to see a healing process that provides hope. The third thing that you can do to find your purpose in life it to cultivate gratitude. For Leslyn, gratitude is one of the attributes that will help you feel better especially when paired with moments of awe. Gratitude, awe, and altruism help us feel connected to something larger than ourselves.

The fourth thing that Jeremy Smith point out that facilitate in finding life’s purpose is to listen to what other people appreciate about us. If we listen to the way that we impact others it can inform the purpose that we are giving the world that we might not personally value or be open to seeing. The next way to foster life’s purpose is to find and build a community. A community is available if you want it to be and is a very important aspect to your own purpose. The last thing that Jeremy recommends is to tell your story. When you tell your story or write it down and expand on it you can see the change and growth that you have accomplished. You can identify the obstacles that you have overcome, and you can truly rewrite the narrative if you need to.

This week’s Try This at Home is this, if you have a sense of not knowing your purpose look more into the article referenced in the episode and engage in the process. Think about keeping a journal, strive to pay attention, be in awe, read, actively build a community, and write your own story!

Subscribe to this channel for new podcasts EVERY WEDNESDAY and Try This at Home!

Next Week’s Episode: Leslie and Leslyn’s Book Recommendations!

One of our goals this year is to grow the podcast audience and you can help!

We would truly appreciate a share or a shout out if you found the ideas here helpful.

Don’t forget, you can always touch base with us personally on our Facebook, Instagram, and our website trythisathomepodcast.com

Links to Look At:

Try This at Home’s Episode #29: Living an Authentic Life

[https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/podcasts-1/2019/8/13/29-living-an-authentic-life]

Try This at Home’s Episode #232: Personal Growth – The Elevate Class

[https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/podcasts-1/2020/9/8/personal-growth-the-elevate-class]

Value and Action Inventory Assessment

[https://www.viacharacter.org/]

Jeremy Adam Smith | How to Find Your Purpose in Life

[https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_find_your_purpose_in_life]

Rick Warren | The Purpose Driven Life

[https://www.amazon.com/Purpose-Driven-Life-What-Earth/dp/031033750X]

Robin Sharma | The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari

[https://www.amazon.com/Monk-Who-Sold-His-Ferrari/dp/0062515675]

Can’t Get Enough? Follow us on our other platforms!

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thisisleslyn

Twitter: https://twitter.com/TryThisAtHomeP1

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXg2RODfYz2Rrc8tUO0ti5Q

Listen to the Podcast at https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/ or on iTunes, Spotify, and Sticher!

On this week’s episode, Leslie and Leslyn cover the topics surrounding disappointment. Leslyn starts out by saying that disappointment is a fact of life and shares that if the listeners takes anything from this episode it should be that it’s really important to understand that you cannot and will not avoid disappointment.

Disappointment is the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the non-fulfillment of one’s hopes or expectations. Leslyn likes to think about the research around disappointment where it is seen as a form of sadness, feeling of loss, or uncomfortable space. Disappointment is the space between our expectations and our reality.

Leslie shares an article from the Harvard Business Review that believes we handle disappointment in a few ways. Some people seek to avoid disappointment so much that they basically become underachievers setting the bar low enough that it can be hard to be disappointed. Leslyn adds on this end of the spectrum you have people who do not want to disappoint themselves and therefore do not try. On the other end of the spectrum, you have people who do not want to disappoint others and have this need to be perfect. While underachievers are afraid of disappointing themselves, overachievers are afraid of disappointing someone else.

Understanding disappointment can help us learn a lot about ourselves. It turns out that disappointment and expectations go hand in hand as there seems to be a correlation in the data to how much happiness people report in research studies. In essence, we are unhappy because our expectations of reality exceed our experiences of reality.

When looking at disappointment it’s critical to understand that many things we often find ourselves expressing disappointment for are things that are completely and totally outside of our control. Sometimes you have to sit back and ask yourself when you are disappointed is this inside or outside of my control.

The most important aspect of disappointment for Leslyn is the expectations that we have for ourselves. What are the expectations that you have for yourself? Leslie shares that recently she is disappointed and not reaching her expectation of finishing her to-do lists in the past few months. Leslyn raises ideas from an episode at the beginning of the pandemic, link below. The idea that we have adapted our lives for the shifts occurring during the pandemic, but we did not adapt our expectations of our lives. This is a time that we are all feeling disappointments as life is not the way that it is as well as people are experiencing their own disappointments that we must keep that in mind.

This week’s try this at home is to be thoughtful and include a little bit of grace to others and yourself as we adapt to this new world that we live in. Take a moment to look at the things that you are disappointed abut and find those who identify each of those elements of disappointment. Figure out what you have control over and what you don’t. The things you do not have control over, process the sadness, and step away and remember that being disappointed and disappointing other people is a part of being human.

Subscribe to this channel for new podcasts EVERY WEDNESDAY and Try This at Home!

Next Week’s Episode: Finding Your Purpose

One of our goals this year is to grow the podcast audience and you can help!

We would truly appreciate a share or a shout out if you found the ideas here helpful.

Don’t forget, you can always touch base with us personally on our Facebook, Instagram, and our website trythisathomepodcast.com

Links to Look At:

Try This at Home’s Episode: Those Who Adapt, Survive

[https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/podcasts-1/2020/8/3/227-those-who-adapt-survive]

Harvard Business Review | Dealing with Disappointment

[https://hbr.org/2018/08/dealing-with-disappointment]

TEDX | Nate Ware: Why We’re Unhappy – The Expectation Gap

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KiUq8i9pbE&ab_channel=TEDxTalks]

Glennon Doyle | Untamed

[https://www.amazon.com/Untamed-Glennon-Doyle-Melton/dp/1984801252]

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Listen to the Podcast at https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/ or on iTunes, Spotify, and Sticher!

On this week’s episode, Leslie and Leslyn tackle regret and the ways that it impacts life and what we can do about it. It is reported that more than 90% of people hold onto a big regret in life. Regret by definition is a negative cognitive or emotional state that consist of blaming ourselves for a bad outcome that occurred, feelings of loss or sorrow on what could have been and wishing that we could undo a previous choice we had made.

Leslyn shares that the fact of the matter is, the thing that you may regret you did for a reason. Given the exact same circumstances and no knowledge of what the future holds, many would make the same decision again that they are stuck regretting right now. Leslyn admits that she does feel regret, but she shares that it is important not to hold on to the regret and to keep regretting. If Leslyn feels regret, it’s only momentary and she works to correct the regret she holds. Leslyn challenges the listeners that if they are feeling that they are carrying regret they can follow the following exercise.

Close your eyes and take yourself back to that exact moment that you hold regret for. Imagine that you are faced with the decision that you made or didn’t make. Ask yourself, would I do this again if not given any knowledge of the decision’s future consequences?

Leslie shares that when we look at short period of time, we often tend to have more regrets. If we look at longer periods of time, more time has gone by and we know that things turned out despite decisions that we had made. It’s all about perspective. Leslie raises the idea that we rarely every regret and think that things in life could have been worse if you would have chosen differently. Leslyn adds that there is a lot to learn from regret as it is a way of saying we need to pay attention. For example, if you have done something that causes pain to someone else, you may feel regretful about that. This is an indication that you can grow and it’s important to reach out and say sorry to that person and do what you can to repair the situation.

It’s also incredibly important to learn how to allow us to get it wrong sometimes. You must remember to be kind to yourself when you get it wrong. Regret also appears when we have a sense of loss or sorrow of what might have been. When making a conscientious choice to do one thing and it doesn’t turn out the way you wanted it to turn out it might feel like you could have had control over the experience. Most of the time you have control over and make decisions in a conscious manner and it’s important to remember that the result can be imperfect sometimes.

This week’s Try This at Home is to look at all the things that you regret in life and apply this though process to each one of them. Leslyn tells clients to write down all the things that you think you regret and then go through the exercise understanding the reason why you made the decision you did. Then ask yourself, if you had no knowledge of the future and you had to make the decision again, would you make the same decision? It’s a really good chance that you will make the same decision so it’s important to understand how to make peace with it and move on!

Subscribe to this channel for new podcasts EVERY WEDNESDAY and Try This at Home!

Next Week’s Episode: Disappointment

One of our goals this year is to grow the podcast audience and you can help!

We would truly appreciate a share or a shout out if you found the ideas here helpful.

Don’t forget, you can always touch base with us personally on our Facebook, Instagram, and our website trythisathomepodcast.com

Links to Look At:

Last Week’s Episode: Personal Growth- The Elevate Class

[https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/podcasts-1/2020/9/8/personal-growth-the-elevate-class]

Can’t Get Enough? Follow us on our other platforms!

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thisisleslyn

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Listen to the Podcast at https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/ or on iTunes, Spotify, and Sticher!

In this episode, we discuss…

Show Intro [0:01]

Introductions—Elevate! [0:12]

Start of the Podcast [0:42]

Something Missing in Life Coaching [2:19]

Elevate Class Creation [4:53]

Maintaining Sustainable Happiness [5:39]

Where Counseling Got Its Start [6:59]

What Is the Elevate Class? [10:57]

Who Is My Best Self? [11:19]

VIA Strengths Inventory [17:12]

Self-Awareness [18:31]

Self-Care [18:48]

Mindfulness [20:17]

Gratitude [20:43]

Belonging [24:25]

Love and Relationships [25:14]

Spirit Selves [25:28]

Redefine Happiness [26:29]

Wrapping Up the Course [27:17]

Rebrand of the Course [31:21]

Try This at Home [32:58]

Closing Thoughts [35:03]

Outro [37:07]

Episode Notes:

On this week’s episode, Leslie and Leslyn discuss what is missing in life coaching and how Leslyn has created a course to help supplement the space between counseling and life coaching when it comes to personal growth. A major aspect of the Try This at Home podcast is the theme surrounding personal growth and self-awareness. Introspection is an intricate part of growth.

Leslyn noticed a few years ago that when she had clients who got to a space where they felt better, their anxiety was managed, depression had lifted, and or the relationships in their lives were working. Her clients often find that there is still this feeling of not knowing what to do from that point. Clients would feel better and stop going to therapy but would still find issues on how to continue that same mental momentum.

Leslyn found that life coaching often sits in the arena of career counseling where few clients have access to life coaching that specifically focuses on the self. Leslyn created the Elevate Class to help individuals sustain the good peaceful feeling that has been built when finishing counseling. The Elevate Class largely focuses on teaching people how to sustain a sense of wellbeing in their life.

The Elevate Class is a ten-week course that has an hour to hour and a half commitment to developing the skills to sustain happiness. This includes video instruction, articles, and journal prompts to complete. The Elevate Class is a coaching course meaning that every single day for 70 days you are inspired and motivated to work on something that is prompting though about what happiness means in your own life. In the first week, Leslyn focuses on defining happiness by asking the question, who is my best self?

In the second week of the course, the VIA Strength Assessment is taken by students to determine their five core strengths in life. Leslyn shares that our core strengths are intrinsic to the person that we are and it’s important to make sure they exist in our day-to-day life. In week three, there is a focus on self-awareness which is reflected in the podcast is incredibly important to both Leslie and Leslyn.

In week four, Leslyn shares can be a very interesting week as most people are realizing the amount of work the course takes. Leslie adds that this course acts as the ultimate self-care as it is your daily dose of self-care every day for ten weeks. Leslyn intentionally designs the course to work as a funnel that many students will experience a light bulb moment during. In week five mindfulness is the focus as there is no substitution for the value of deep breath and being able to ground yourself and come to the present.

Gratitude is the focus of week six of the course and over the week the impact of gratitude hits the student as through research it is demonstrated that people who practice gratitude are happier. In week seven, the course focuses on belonging. This can be challenging for some Leslyn states as, as humans we are hardwired with the need to belong. This perfectly transitions into week eight of love and relationships.

In week nine of the course, the topic surrounds our spirit selves. The research seems clear that people who believe in or have some sort of faith report higher levels of wellbeing. In the last week of the course, Leslyn and the students redefine happiness after nine weeks of introspection.

In this week’s Try This at Home invest in personal growth in a way that works for you that can be regular and consistent. Personal growth and personal training for happiness is almost a necessity if you want to be healthy!

Subscribe to this channel for new podcasts EVERY WEDNESDAY and Try This at Home!

Next Week’s Episode: ???

One of our goals this year is to grow the podcast audience and you can help!

We would truly appreciate a share or a shout out if you found the ideas here helpful.

Don’t forget, you can always touch base with us personally on our Facebook, Instagram, and our website trythisathomepodcast.com

Links to Look At:

Leslyn’s The Elevate Class (Class Begins Friday, September 11, 2020!)

[https://theelevateclass.com/]

VIA Strength Assessment

[https://www.viacharacter.org/survey/account/register]

Can’t Get Enough? Follow us on our other platforms!

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thisisleslyn

Twitter: https://twitter.com/TryThisAtHomeP1

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXg2RODfYz2Rrc8tUO0ti5Q

Listen to the Podcast at https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/ or on iTunes, Spotify, and Sticher!

Episode Notes:

On this week’s episode, Leslie and Leslyn focus predominately on the ladies to ask the question, what does it mean for women to empower women? It’s an extremely interesting topic when really examining, it can get a little complicated. At the core, it’s really about the question, how do we lift one another up? Leslyn states that we often carry the “mean” girls scenario or attitude into adulthood where we try to compete against each other, and it can become really ugly. What is women empowering women then and what impact can it have?

Leslyn when she hears women empowering women, she thinks to how life is often a competition to be prettier, more successful, a better mother, and so many other things. We don’t spend enough time actually encouraging one another. Leslie shares that the basic definition of women empowering women is equipping and allowing women to make life-determining decisions through the different problems in society.

Leslie questions why we do that when there seems to be much bigger problems that women are facing. Things such as not receiving equal pay as our male counterparts, basic human rights, access to clean water, and more. Leslyn wonders if much of this has to do with this idea that for most of humanity, the opportunities available to women have been extremely limited so we all can get stuck scrambling over each other trying to get to the top.

Leslyn believes instead that we should be trying to create a ladder to reach success. Although there have been many opportunities given through the women’s liberation movement, we haven’t quite broke through the glass ceiling of equalization. Leslie shares that on Instagram a hashtag called #communityovercompetition has been started with the purpose to build communities instead of competing against each other.

Leslie continues that unfortunately the people in her real life who seem to use that hashtag are often the most cutthroat, competitive, and backstabbing people. Even when we are trying to do the right thing by creating a community of women, it seems that there are still women who will be critical. How do we stop that and instead lift one another up? What would that look like?

Leslyn believes that we can really take home the idea of trying to empower, lift up, and encourage the women in our world on the day-to-day. Leslie shares a list of things she believes can help in empowering the women around us. Not commenting on women’s bodies in a negative way and focusing on other attributes she has as well. Leslyn believes that the point is if you are going to make a comment about a women’s body, you want to talk about the positives.

Paying women equally is also a big feat that all women might face in their lives. Leslie shares that we should advocate for our female colleagues and friends when needed. If you know that your female counterpart or colleague is being paid less, you should speak up for them. It’s not about the disempowerment of men it’s about lifting up women through empowerment.

Helping women by encouraging and supporting them to prioritize their self-care can also be extremely important to a women’s empowerment. This helps also when knowing your own worth. Women empowering women is all about encouragement, support, and motivation. This week’s Try This at Home is to make sure that you are doing something consciously to empower the women in your life. Encourage her to live her dream, motivate her to be her best self, and encourage a positive self-image!

Subscribe to this channel for new podcasts EVERY WEDNESDAY and Try This at Home!

Next Week’s Episode: The Elevate Class

One of our goals this year is to grow the podcast audience and you can help!

We would truly appreciate a share or a shout out if you found the ideas here helpful.

Don’t forget, you can always touch base with us personally on our Facebook, Instagram, and our website trythisathomepodcast.com

Links to Look At:

Try This at Home’s Episode on Fostering Positivity

[https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/podcasts-1/2020/8/19/229]

Try This at Home’s Episode on Self-Care is First Aid

[https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/podcasts-1/2019/2/12/self-care-first-aid]

Can’t Get Enough? Follow us on our other platforms!

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thisisleslyn

Twitter: https://twitter.com/TryThisAtHomeP1

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXg2RODfYz2Rrc8tUO0ti5Q

Listen to the Podcast at https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/ or on iTunes, Spotify, and Sticher!

Recently on TikTok, a creator attempted to explain a side of what is called narcissistic abuse. A lot of viewers, especially those with experience with narcissist felt as though the creator was victim blaming. Victim blaming can be a very serious issue. We all know what victim blaming looks like in cases of assault and abuse but in today’s episode, Leslie and Leslyn focus a big part on the victim blaming that is not as overt and in your face. Leslyn continues that we are all victims at some point by definition. Anybody who has harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime or accident, is defined as a victim blaming. Also defined as victim blaming is a person who has been tricked, duped, or lied to. Victim blaming is when we say that somebody else’s behavior somehow generated an action taken.

Leslie and Leslyn discuss a video segment discussing the idea of manipulation that occurs in a relationship involving a narcissist. The creator attempted to say the person with the narcissist is also very manipulative. Leslie immediately states that in a lot of these narcissistic relationships, the other person involved is not aware of the narcissistic behaviors immediately and sometimes for a very long time. Leslie continues saying that she feels that this creator’s argument sounds very premeditated but has the feeling that often people aren’t even aware of the behaviors. Leslyn agrees that this is exactly the point. When the word manipulation is used it implies intent.

Leslyn gives the example of if a narcissist says that they will go find someone else if the other member of the relationship doesn’t do something. This is going to generate deep-rooted fears in the victim causing the victim to feel fears of being left, being alone, or being unworthy. The victim fears this and that will drive a corresponding behavior to the narcissist. Leslyn goes on to say that generally this is a codependent behavior that is unconscious and often the person is unaware of the behavior.

Leslyn shares another TikTok creator’s video on the topic to show how the first video fell flat in its argument. This creator believes that you are not responsible for the way that someone chooses to treat you, but you are responsible for the boundaries, values, and self-defense you put in place. The creator gives the example of leaving your door to your home open and unlocked. You could trust and hope that no one is going to steal and destroy your home but what if they do? What if it continues to happen and you just continue to repair your home without putting consequences on the situation? You must start locking your door. This works similarly to toxic relationships you must take the steps to protect yourself once you are aware of the abuse.

Leslie shares that it’s important to remember that even if you leave your front door unlocked and someone comes in and steals, that is still wrong. Leslyn adds but if you continue to leave your door unlocked and continued to feel attacked by someone it never means it is okay but what it does mean is that you need to take steps to protect yourself from it happening again. There are things that we can do to protect ourselves and not be totally at the mercy of how others treat us.

Leslyn gives another example. If you are driving down the interstate and are staying in your lane maybe you get distracted and look at your phone, GPS, or someone in the car. If somebody comes across and into your lane and you don’t swerve in time, are you fully a victim? Is there some responsibility needed to be taken for not being attentive enough to be defensive? It’s not your fault of course, but you do need to honor the fact and be honest that you were not paying attention that is not victim blaming.

This week’s Try This at Home is to make it your mission to become self-aware. Understand why you allow people to treat you badly and learn how to create healthy boundaries. Understand what that might look like and grow your self-esteem. Don’t allow yourself to be victimized beyond the event that occurred. Take the time that you need to heal because it hurts when you are a victim but then forgive yourself and redirect. Focus on awareness, understanding, and growth!

Subscribe to this channel for new podcasts EVERY WEDNESDAY and Try This at Home!

Next Week’s Episode: Women Empowering Women

One of our goals this year is to grow the podcast audience and you can help!

We would truly appreciate a share or a shout out if you found the ideas here helpful.

Don’t forget, you can always touch base with us personally on our Facebook, Instagram, and our website trythisathomepodcast.com

Links to Look At:

Try This at Home’s Episode on Building Boundaries!

[https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/podcasts-1/2019/4/8/building-boundaries]

Henry Cloud | Boundaries

[https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Updated-Expanded-When-Control/dp/0310351804/ref=as_li_ss_tl?keywords=boundaries&qid=1554900990&s=gateway&sr=8-1&linkCode=sl1&tag=thisisleslyn-20&linkId=7d31436c3b0ba142b999703b09950247&language=en_US]

Dr. Kristin Neff | Self-Compassion Website

[https://self-compassion.org/]

Can’t Get Enough? Follow us on our other platforms!

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thisisleslyn

Twitter: https://twitter.com/TryThisAtHomeP1

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXg2RODfYz2Rrc8tUO0ti5Q

Listen to the Podcast at https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/ or on iTunes, Spotify, and Sticher!