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Black Girls Heal

Shena Lashey

Healing the Effects of Love Addiction, Love Avoidance, and Unresolved Childhood Trauma

  • 33 minutes 59 seconds
    #268: 4 Reasons to Be Proud of Yourself

    In this episode of the Black Girls Heal podcast, we're taking a moment to celebrate YOU. Yes, you! We're shifting away from our usual conversations about red flags and relationship challenges to focus on something equally important - acknowledging just how far you've come in your healing journey.


    You know those moments when you catch a red flag early? When you trust your gut instead of second-guessing yourself? When you look in the mirror and actually like who you see? Those aren't small wins - they're evidence of your incredible growth, and it's time we celebrate them!


    Through personal stories and real-life examples, we're diving into the beautiful transformation that happens when we start recognizing our own progress. From being able to spot those red flags quicker (instead of six months down the line!), to actually trusting ourselves more than other people's opinions, to developing that genuine self-love that isn't dependent on anyone else's validation - these are all victories worth celebrating.


    This conversation isn't just about patting ourselves on the back - it's about acknowledging that every step forward in our healing journey matters. Whether you're just starting out or you're well along your path, there's something powerful about stopping to recognize how far you've come.


    In this episode, we cover…

    • 02:47 Why you should recognize your growth
    • 03:31 Embracing your wisdom
    • 05:13 How to navigate life's challenges
    • 06:30 Understanding self-knowledge
    • 08:26 How to build self-love
    • 09:42 Having faith beyond relationships
    • 19:22 The power of self-liking


    Resources mentioned in the episode:


    Connect with us:


    Thanks for listening, and if you like what you've heard, feel free to share this episode with your friends! There are so many amazing women waiting to discover the Black Girls Heal podcast, and I'd love you to help me spread the word. Don’t forget to come back next week for the new episode.



    Our Sponsors:
    * Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code BGH for a great deal: happymammoth.com
    * Check out Penguin Random House: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com
    * Check out Quince: https://quince.com/bgh
    * Check out Sunbasket: https://sunbasket.com/BLACKGIRLSHEAL


    Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/black-girls-heal/donations

    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
    12 November 2024, 9:00 am
  • 38 minutes 53 seconds
    #267: 3 Ways to Cope When They Don't Care

    In this episode of the Black Girls Heal podcast, we're getting real about something that hits deep - what do you do when someone just stops showing up for you emotionally? You know that feeling when their energy shifts, the care fades, and you're left wondering what happened?


    After seeing so many TikTok conversations about love avoidance and no contact, I knew it was time to dive into this topic heart-first. Because let's be honest - whether it's a romantic partner, a friend, or even family, that emotional withdrawal hits different when it comes from someone you truly care about.


    This isn't just another "move on" conversation. We're getting into the nitty-gritty of how to hold onto your worth when someone's actions (or lack thereof) have you questioning everything. I'm sharing three powerful strategies that have helped not just my clients, but myself too, in navigating these tough waters.


    In this episode, we cover…

    • 04:31 When you grieve the fantasy of relationships
    • 06:35 Your coping toolkit
    • 08:52 Coping Strategy 1
    • 15:57 Coping Strategy 2
    • 21:46 Coping Strategy 3
    • 35:41 The No-Contact Strategy


    Resources mentioned in the episode:


    Connect with us:


    Thanks for listening, and if you like what you've heard, feel free to share this episode with your friends! There are so many amazing women waiting to discover the Black Girls Heal podcast, and I'd love you to help me spread the word. Don’t forget to come back next week for the new episode.



    Our Sponsors:
    * Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code BGH for a great deal: happymammoth.com
    * Check out Penguin Random House: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com
    * Check out Quince: https://quince.com/bgh
    * Check out Sunbasket: https://sunbasket.com/BLACKGIRLSHEAL


    Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/black-girls-heal/donations

    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
    5 November 2024, 9:00 am
  • 48 minutes 5 seconds
    #266: 7 Benefits of Taking it Slow in a Relationship

    In this episode of the Black Girls Heal podcast, we dive into the seven benefits of taking it slow in a relationship — the power of a 'slow burn.' 


    I discuss the reasons behind why rushing into relationships can be problematic, especially for love addicts, and share practical tips on how to pace relationships effectively. 


    I also explore how going slow helps in truly understanding your partner, avoiding unhealthy attachments, and building a stronger foundation for your love story. 


    This episode is perfect for hopeless romantics who want to avoid 'struggle love' and genuinely find a fulfilling relationship.


    In this episode, we cover…

    • 00:17 Understanding love addiction and avoidance
    • 2:55 Seven benefits of going slow in relationships
    • 28:36 The impact of sex and affection
    • 34:40 Self-love and building a fulfilling life


    Resources mentioned in the episode:


    Connect with us:


    Thanks for listening, and if you like what you've heard, feel free to share this episode with your friends! There are so many amazing women waiting to discover the Black Girls Heal podcast, and I'd love you to help me spread the word. Don’t forget to come back next week for the new episode.



    Our Sponsors:
    * Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code BGH for a great deal: happymammoth.com
    * Check out Penguin Random House: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com
    * Check out Quince: https://quince.com/bgh
    * Check out Sunbasket: https://sunbasket.com/BLACKGIRLSHEAL


    Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/black-girls-heal/donations

    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
    29 October 2024, 8:05 am
  • 49 minutes 59 seconds
    #265: 3 Hidden Ways We Ignore (and Encourage) Red Flags in Others

    In this episode, I review 3 hidden ways we may unknowingly ignore (and encourage) red flags in new people we meet.



    Our Sponsors:
    * Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code BGH for a great deal: happymammoth.com
    * Check out Penguin Random House: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com
    * Check out Quince: https://quince.com/bgh
    * Check out Sunbasket: https://sunbasket.com/BLACKGIRLSHEAL


    Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/black-girls-heal/donations

    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
    23 October 2024, 12:45 pm
  • 40 minutes 22 seconds
    #264: “Am I Quitting?” and the Future of Black Girls Heal

    In this episode, I talk about why I'm quitting and what's coming next for Black Girls Heal!


    Resources mentioned in the episode:


    Connect with us:


    Thanks for listening, and if you like what you've heard, feel free to share this episode with your friends! There are so many amazing women waiting to discover the Black Girls Heal podcast, and I'd love you to help me spread the word. Don’t forget to come back next week for the new episode.



    Our Sponsors:
    * Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code BGH for a great deal: happymammoth.com
    * Check out Penguin Random House: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com
    * Check out Quince: https://quince.com/bgh
    * Check out Sunbasket: https://sunbasket.com/BLACKGIRLSHEAL


    Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/black-girls-heal/donations

    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
    17 October 2024, 2:13 pm
  • 50 minutes 43 seconds
    #263: Checking the Facts When You're in Conflict

    In this episode of Black Girls Heal, we explore the importance of checking the facts when feeling threatened, especially for those healing from trauma. 


    We discuss how trauma can heighten our threat response, making it difficult to discern real threats from perceived ones. The episode delves into the skill of 'checking the facts,' a concept derived from dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), outlining practical steps to take for regulating emotions and improving conflict resolution. 


    My personal stories and examples highlight the nuances of threat perception, emotional regulation, and the impact of trauma on relationships. 


    We also tackle the challenge of making amends if you realize you've misunderstood a situation or person. 


    Tune in for essential tips on fostering better personal relationships and self-awareness.


    In this episode, we cover…

    • 01:06 Understanding trauma and threat response
    • 02:55 The skill of “Checking the Facts”
    • 04:20 Dialectical Behavior Therapy Explained
    • 07:03 Personal reflections on trauma responses
    • 18:42 Steps to check the facts
    • 30:17 Why you should challenge your assumptions
    • 44:36 How to make amends with healthy and available people


    Resources mentioned in the episode:


    Connect with us:


    Thanks for listening, and if you like what you've heard, feel free to share this episode with your friends! There are so many amazing women waiting to discover the Black Girls Heal podcast, and I'd love you to help me spread the word. Don’t forget to come back next week for the new episode.



    Our Sponsors:
    * Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code BGH for a great deal: happymammoth.com
    * Check out Penguin Random House: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com
    * Check out Quince: https://quince.com/bgh
    * Check out Sunbasket: https://sunbasket.com/BLACKGIRLSHEAL


    Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/black-girls-heal/donations

    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
    1 October 2024, 8:00 am
  • 35 minutes 15 seconds
    #262: What To Do When You Feel Rejected

    In this episode of Black Girls Heal, we dive into the poignant topic of rejection, inspired by heartfelt conversations from my recent cruise trip. Focusing on love addiction, I discuss the fear of abandonment and the insecurities it breeds. 


    Together, we explore how to cope with rejection, understand its impact, and reclaim our power. You'll learn about the importance of not internalizing rejection, viewing it as a reflection of the other person's issues, and embracing your true self. 


    Join me as we unravel the layers of rejection and discover ways to heal and grow.


    In this episode, we cover…

    • 02:29 How to cope with rejection
    • 05:23 Examples of rejection
    • 07:23 Dealing with rejection
    • 14:39 Why you should embrace your true self
    • 22:01 Avoiding relationship pitfalls


    Resources mentioned in the episode:


    Connect with us:


    Thanks for listening, and if you like what you've heard, feel free to share this episode with your friends! There are so many amazing women waiting to discover the Black Girls Heal podcast, and I'd love you to help me spread the word. Don’t forget to come back next week for the new episode.



    Our Sponsors:
    * Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code BGH for a great deal: happymammoth.com
    * Check out Penguin Random House: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com
    * Check out Quince: https://quince.com/bgh
    * Check out Sunbasket: https://sunbasket.com/BLACKGIRLSHEAL


    Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/black-girls-heal/donations

    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
    25 September 2024, 8:00 am
  • 1 hour 1 minute
    #261: The Importance of Pacing While Dating + Checking In

    In this episode of Black Girls Heal, we dive into a major milestone — our very first video podcast episode! After years of audio-only recordings, I am showing up in video to connect with you more intimately. 


    I start with a heartfelt check-in, sharing my personal experiences of transitions and the collective 'hell' many of us have gone through recently in various aspects of our lives. 


    Today's episode is all about understanding the importance of pacing in dating for love addicts, discussing how unresolved traumas, father wounds, and touch starvation can lead us to rush into relationships. Learn practical steps on how to pace yourself, maintain your identity, and find joy in your current life while still holding space for the love you desire. 


    Plus, get updates on the new format of the Recovery School and upcoming changes in my services. This episode is packed with insights and actionable advice to help you on your journey to healing and self-love.


    In this episode, we cover…

    • 04:09 Navigating personal transitions
    • 06:05 Why you should embrace the unknown
    • 13:22 Healthy Love vs. Love Addiction
    • 19:14 The importance of pacing in relationships
    • 30:06 Leveling up in healing
    • 32:22 How unresolved father wounds affect pacing in relationships
    • 39:09 What is touch starvation?
    • 47:30 How to ground in your own life
    • 54:20 Upcoming changes and announcements to Black Girls Heal


    Resources mentioned in the episode:


    Connect with us:


    Thanks for listening, and if you like what you've heard, feel free to share this episode with your friends! There are so many amazing women waiting to discover the Black Girls Heal podcast, and I'd love you to help me spread the word. Don’t forget to come back next week for the new episode.



    Our Sponsors:
    * Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code BGH for a great deal: happymammoth.com
    * Check out Penguin Random House: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com
    * Check out Quince: https://quince.com/bgh
    * Check out Sunbasket: https://sunbasket.com/BLACKGIRLSHEAL


    Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/black-girls-heal/donations

    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
    17 September 2024, 8:00 am
  • 47 minutes 28 seconds
    #260: Doing No Contact with a Co-Parent

    In this episode of Black Girls Heal, I delve into the intricacies of implementing a no-contact process while co-parenting. This much-requested topic focuses on maintaining emotional neutrality and setting firm boundaries when you have to communicate with a co-parent for the sake of your children.


    I’ll share practical steps and tips designed to help you stay centered and avoid the emotional triggers that led you to this place. 


    Disclaimer: This advice is not suitable for relationships involving physical domestic violence; please seek appropriate support if that is your situation.


    In this episode, we cover…

    • 01:41 Challenges of co-parenting during no-contact
    • 03:23 An important disclaimer
    • 05:50 Importance of emotional neutrality
    • 11:48 Seeing your co-parent as a co-worker
    • 24:13 Using parenting apps for communication
    • 27:00 How to set boundaries to avoid emotional traps
    • 31:40 How to deal with toxic relationships
    • 39:28 Communicating with children during no contact


    Resources mentioned in the episode:


    Connect with us:


    Thanks for listening, and if you like what you've heard, feel free to share this episode with your friends! There are so many amazing women waiting to discover the Black Girls Heal podcast, and I'd love you to help me spread the word. Don’t forget to come back next week for the new episode.



    Our Sponsors:
    * Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code BGH for a great deal: happymammoth.com
    * Check out Penguin Random House: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com
    * Check out Quince: https://quince.com/bgh
    * Check out Sunbasket: https://sunbasket.com/BLACKGIRLSHEAL


    Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/black-girls-heal/donations

    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
    3 September 2024, 8:00 am
  • 30 minutes 20 seconds
    #259: What to Do When You Like Someone as a Love Avoidant

    In this episode of Black Girls Heal, we're diving into the world of love avoidance and how to navigate new relationships when you're healing from it. We'll talk about understanding intimacy disorders, recovering from those avoidant patterns, and how to communicate your needs in a healthy way.


    Whether you're just starting in your recovery, you're in a new relationship, or even in a long-term one, this episode is packed with tips to help you stay balanced and build stronger connections.


    In this episode, we cover…

    • 01:33 Understanding Love Avoidance
    • 02:30 The different archetypes of intimacy disorders 
    • 03:22 How to navigate love addiction and avoidance
    • 05:26 Practical tips for love avoidants
    • 10:12 Ways to share your life as a recovering love avoidant
    • 19:00 How to initiate compliments and kindness
    • 25:09 Why you should embrace vulnerability


    Resources mentioned in the episode:


    Connect with us:


    Thanks for listening, and if you like what you've heard, feel free to share this episode with your friends! There are so many amazing women waiting to discover the Black Girls Heal podcast, and I'd love you to help me spread the word. Don’t forget to come back next week for the new episode.



    Our Sponsors:
    * Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code BGH for a great deal: happymammoth.com
    * Check out Penguin Random House: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com
    * Check out Quince: https://quince.com/bgh
    * Check out Sunbasket: https://sunbasket.com/BLACKGIRLSHEAL


    Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/black-girls-heal/donations

    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
    27 August 2024, 8:00 am
  • 34 minutes 16 seconds
    #258: What to Do When You Like Someone as a Love Addict

    In this episode of Black Girls Heal, we dive into the intricacies of managing romantic relationships for those in recovery from love addiction. 


    We discuss the importance of staying in touch with your body, practicing self-affirmation, and maintaining your own life and identity. These actionable tips are geared to help you stay balanced while developing healthy, secure connections. Whether you're in a new relationship or already partnered, these strategies will guide you towards emotional stability and personal growth.


    In this episode, we cover…

    • 01:08 Understanding love addiction
    • 02:22 Symptoms of love addiction
    • 04:07 Keys to staying balanced in relationships
    • 13:38 The importance of self-affirmation
    • 21:14 Why you should maintain your own life


    Resources mentioned in the episode:


    Connect with us:


    Thanks for listening, and if you like what you've heard, feel free to share this episode with your friends! There are so many amazing women waiting to discover the Black Girls Heal podcast, and I'd love you to help me spread the word. Don’t forget to come back next week for the new episode.



    Our Sponsors:
    * Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code BGH for a great deal: happymammoth.com
    * Check out Penguin Random House: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com
    * Check out Quince: https://quince.com/bgh
    * Check out Sunbasket: https://sunbasket.com/BLACKGIRLSHEAL


    Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/black-girls-heal/donations

    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
    20 August 2024, 8:00 am
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