Black Girls Heal

Shena Lashey

Healing the Effects of Love Addiction, Love Avoidance, and Unresolved Childhood Trauma

  • 30 minutes 48 seconds
    #253: The 4 Steps of No Contact

    In this episode of the Black Girls Heal podcast, I talk about the power of "no contact" as a tool to finally break free from toxic relationships.

    You know how it goes – you finally decide to walk away, but somehow, you end up back in contact with that person who just brings you down. It's frustrating, right? Well, here's the thing: most setbacks in our healing journeys happen because we keep connections with folks who are bad for us.

    In the episode, I'll walk you through four key steps to make no-contact work. We'll talk about the withdrawal symptoms you might experience, both physical and emotional (because yes, this can be a rollercoaster!). I'll also share tips on setting intentions for your no-contact period and how to cut off those lingering fantasies that hold you back.


    In this episode, we cover…

    • 00:58 What is No-Contact?
    • 02:45 Why you should take a 90-day break
    • 03:10 Four steps to no-contact
    • 03:47 Withdrawal symptoms you might experience
    • 16:20 What it looks like to cut off all contact
    • 21:17 How to cut off lingering fantasies
    • 29:26 Support resources to start your no-contact journey


    Resources mentioned in the episode:


    Connect with us:


    Thanks for listening, and if you like what you've heard, feel free to share this episode with your friends! There are so many amazing women waiting to discover the Black Girls Heal podcast, and I'd love you to help me spread the word. Don’t forget to come back next week for the new episode.



    Our Sponsors:
    * Check out OSEA and use my code BGH for a great deal: oseamalibu.com
    * Check out eHarmony: www.eharmony.com


    Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/black-girls-heal/donations

    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
    16 July 2024, 8:00 am
  • 40 minutes 51 seconds
    #252: Don’t text them - Sit on Your Hands

    In this episode of Black Girls Heal, we revisit the topic of 'No Contact' and the seven-day 'Don't Text Them: Sit on Your Effing Hands Challenge.' This discussion is aimed at those caught in addictive or trauma-bonded relationships, whether romantic, familial, or friendships. 


    We discuss topics like recognizing toxic relationships, the importance of breaking the cycle for self-healing, and the benefits of having a support system during this process. 


    We also touch on the new 90-Day No Contact Support Group, offering 90-day support for those serious about cutting trauma bonds. Tune in to learn why you deserve fulfilling relationships and how to reclaim your power and joy.


    In this episode, we cover…

    • 01:05 The importance of no contact
    • 05:04 The Sit on Your Hands Challenge
    • 05:28 Who this episode is for and not for
    • 16:34 How to recognize avoidant behavior
    • 21:58 How to start making decisions from a place of wholeness
    • 23:13 Implementing the Sit on Your Hands Challenge
    • 24:06 Handling communication during the challenge
    • 25:08 Ways to focus on yourself and other relationships
    • 28:58 How to respond to their messages
    • 32:42 Ways to engage in self-care and hobbies


    Resources mentioned in the episode:


    Connect with us:


    Thanks for listening, and if you like what you've heard, feel free to share this episode with your friends! There are so many amazing women waiting to discover the Black Girls Heal podcast, and I'd love you to help me spread the word. Don’t forget to come back next week for the new episode.



    Our Sponsors:
    * Check out OSEA and use my code BGH for a great deal: oseamalibu.com
    * Check out eHarmony: www.eharmony.com


    Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/black-girls-heal/donations

    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
    9 July 2024, 8:00 am
  • 1 minute 26 seconds
    Join our new free Black Girls Heal Circle Community

    Join our free Black Girls Heal Circle Community for access to:

    • Inspiration and support regarding love addiction, love avoidance, healing trauma and improving your self esteem
    • Access to our free resource library
    • Connect & build sisterhood with other women on their healing journey as well

    Click here to join the new free Black Girls Heal Circle Community



    Our Sponsors:
    * Check out OSEA and use my code BGH for a great deal: oseamalibu.com
    * Check out eHarmony: www.eharmony.com


    Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/black-girls-heal/donations

    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
    4 July 2024, 3:38 pm
  • 39 minutes 14 seconds
    #251: Surrender and Letting Go (Just Let Them Be)

    In this episode of Black Girls Heal, we discuss the challenging yet liberating process of surrender and letting go. We explore themes such as grieving, setting boundaries, and focusing on self-love, supported by a poignant poem 'Just Let Them' by Cassie Phillips. 


    We also go into the three key takeaways: realizing you can't control others, being open to love and connection, and mastering the art of balanced surrender. 


    Additionally, we introduce various support resources including the co-contact support group, love avoidance healing programs, and more. This episode is a heartfelt guide towards self-healing and embracing the goodness life offers.


    In this episode, we cover…

    • 01:00 Why surrendering and letting go are necessary
    • 02:32 Poem: Just Let Them by Cassie Phillips
    • 04:17 Reflections on the poem
    • 10:36 Takeaway 1: Realizing you can't control others
    • 16:52 Takeaway 2: Being available to let others in
    • 30:42 Takeaway 3: Why you must surrender
    • 36:44 Program announcements


    Resources mentioned in the episode:


    Connect with us:


    Thanks for listening, and if you like what you've heard, feel free to share this episode with your friends! There are so many amazing women waiting to discover the Black Girls Heal podcast, and I'd love you to help me spread the word. Don’t forget to come back next week for the new episode.



    Our Sponsors:
    * Check out OSEA and use my code BGH for a great deal: oseamalibu.com
    * Check out eHarmony: www.eharmony.com


    Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/black-girls-heal/donations

    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
    2 July 2024, 8:00 am
  • 36 minutes 36 seconds
    #250: How to Feel Deserving

    In this episode of Black Girls Heal, we discuss the crucial topic of feeling deserving and why it's essential for receiving the love you desire. We explore how internalizing negative beliefs and trauma can lead to feeling undeserving, even when we outwardly affirm our worth. 


    You'll learn practical steps to identify the emotional 'weeds' that choke your growth, including energy-draining relationships and perfectionist tendencies. Additionally, we discuss the importance of self-love, self-compassion, and clearing stored trauma from your body. 


    This episode aims to guide you through the first step of the four-step bloom method to help your relationships flourish, ensuring you are on the path to feeling truly deserving of love and happiness.


    In this episode, we cover…

    • 01:03 Understanding deservingness
    • 03:04 Identifying emotional weeds
    • 05:13 Clearing emotional blockages
    • 05:29 Identifying energy drains in your relationships
    • 09:43 How perfectionism plays a role in low self-worth
    • 22:39 Tools for healing
    • 27:24 Why you need to consider bodywork to heal trauma


    Resources mentioned in the episode:


    Connect with us:


    Thanks for listening, and if you like what you've heard, feel free to share this episode with your friends! There are so many amazing women waiting to discover the Black Girls Heal podcast, and I'd love you to help me spread the word. Don’t forget to come back next week for the new episode.



    Our Sponsors:
    * Check out OSEA and use my code BGH for a great deal: oseamalibu.com
    * Check out eHarmony: www.eharmony.com


    Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/black-girls-heal/donations

    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
    25 June 2024, 8:00 am
  • 40 minutes 34 seconds
    #249: Conquering the Fear of Being Seen

    In today’s episode, we get into the topic of the fear of being seen, exploring the underlying trauma that leads to avoidance behaviors and vulnerability in relationships. 


    We discuss the common thoughts, actions, and patterns that arise when individuals struggle with feeling exposed and unworthy. Additionally, we address the impact of childhood trauma, emotional neglect, and exclusion on the development of these fears. 


    Episode 249 also highlights the symptoms of low self-worth and how they manifest in perfectionism, people-pleasing, and self-abandonment. 


    In this episode, we cover…

    • 04:04 Common patterns when you have a fear of being seen
    • 04:48 The risk of personal development
    • 07:55 Using perfectionism and people-pleasing as ways to exempt yourself from criticisms
    • 11:09 Self-abandonment as a means to hide yourself
    • 12:09 Making a list of things you're proud of about yourself
    • 13:16 Why being humble is actually quiet confidence
    • 14:47 Why you're afraid of people getting access to you
    • 15:45 The traumas that lead to fear of being seen
    • 21:08 How the fear of being seen manifests for love addicts
    • 25:04 How the fear of being seen manifests for love avoidants
    • 26:45 Disassociating to keep yourself safe
    • 31:28 How to work on your fear of being seen



    Resources mentioned in the episode:


    Connect with us:


    Thanks for listening, and if you like what you've heard, feel free to share this episode with your friends! There are so many amazing women waiting to discover the Black Girls Heal podcast, and I'd love you to help me spread the word. Don’t forget to come back next week for the new episode.



    Our Sponsors:
    * Check out OSEA and use my code BGH for a great deal: oseamalibu.com
    * Check out eHarmony: www.eharmony.com


    Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/black-girls-heal/donations

    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
    18 June 2024, 8:00 am
  • 54 minutes 21 seconds
    #248: Getting Out of the Negative in Relationships

    In this episode, I discuss the importance of moving from negative relationship patterns to positive, healed, and love-filled connections. I also talk about the common pitfalls of remaining in negative relational spaces, the impacts of childhood emotional neglect, and the signs of low self-worth. 


    You’ll get to know what it means to reach a baseline in emotional health and relationships and, ultimately, how to grow towards a healed and loved woman status. Listen to get actionable advice on stepping away from unhealthy relationships, identifying roadblocks, and embracing one's personal needs. 


    In this episode, we cover…

    • 06:45 Why you operate in a deficit in relationships
    • 12:19 How childhood emotional neglect affects you and your relationships
    • 16:54 What it looks like to be in a relationship with a dominant and passive partner
    • 18:44 The risk that happens when you still don't get to the baseline of relationships
    • 22:12 Why you still struggle with low self-worth (even if you don't think that you are)
    • 25:50 Why you need to make yourself available for happiness
    • 31:13 The healed and loved woman standard for relationships
    • 32:40 What it looks like to be in the negative baseline in relationships
    • 33:44 What the baseline standard is for relationships
    • 40:06 Why you're encouraged to do healing work in a community
    • 41:09 Shena's personal story of healing in a community
    • 41:57 Why you need to share your story
    • 42:48 No contact as a healing agent


    Resources mentioned in the episode:


    Connect with us:


    Thanks for listening, and if you like what you've heard, feel free to share this episode with your friends! There are so many amazing women waiting to discover the Black Girls Heal podcast, and I'd love you to help me spread the word. Don’t forget to come back next week for the new episode.



    Our Sponsors:
    * Check out OSEA and use my code BGH for a great deal: oseamalibu.com
    * Check out eHarmony: www.eharmony.com


    Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/black-girls-heal/donations

    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
    10 June 2024, 7:00 pm
  • 24 minutes 9 seconds
    #247: 3 Signs You've Grown and Are Healthier

    In this episode, let’s discuss the importance of recognizing and celebrating personal growth. Reflecting on past conversations with coaching students, I explore three key signs that show how much you've evolved: pausing before reacting even when hurt, becoming open to alternative viewpoints, and feeling and validating your emotions. Alongside these insights, we discuss the impact of sharing emotions with safe individuals and re-evaluating your social circle for healthier relationships. 


    We have been very attuned to keep our focus on our shortcomings but rarely do we allow ourselves to celebrate the progress that we’ve been making in our inner work.


    Tune in to learn how to acknowledge your progress, appreciate your journey, and break unhealthy patterns for a better tomorrow.


    In this episode, we cover…

    • 02:49 The inspiration for this episode
    • 04:00 How labels from your past are keeping you stuck from growing
    • 05:16 Why you should give yourself credit for the progress you've made
    • 06:49 Why you need to pause before reacting
    • 09:15 Are you open to seeing alternative perspectives?
    • 10:21 A tool to use when you're triggered
    • 14:43 Example of seeing the alternative perspectives in dating
    • 16:41 Example of seeing the alternative perspectives in inner work
    • 18:38 Feeling your emotions and validating them
    • 20:15 Why people *don't care* about your emotions
    • 21:14 What to do when you don't have safe people around you


    Resources mentioned in the episode:


    Connect with us:


    Thanks for listening, and if you like what you've heard, feel free to share this episode with your friends! There are so many amazing women waiting to discover the Black Girls Heal podcast, and I'd love you to help me spread the word. Don’t forget to come back next week for the new episode.



    Our Sponsors:
    * Check out OSEA and use my code BGH for a great deal: oseamalibu.com
    * Check out eHarmony: www.eharmony.com


    Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/black-girls-heal/donations

    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
    3 June 2024, 5:00 pm
  • 39 minutes 58 seconds
    #246: The 4 Seasons of Healing

    In this episode, I go over the 4 seasons of healing everyone will go through when healing from unresolved trauma and relationship issues.


    Ready to heal your Love Addiction & Love Avoidance?

    Click here to join our The Recovery School, my signature coaching program to help you become love balanced, love available, and fulfilled

     

    Can’t find a program, freebie, or event mentioned in the podcast?

    Click here to find the upgraded versions of previously announced programs and their replacements

     

    CONNECT WITH US ELSEWHERE

    Website: Blackgirlsheal.org

    Instagram: @BlackGirlsHeal

    TikTok: @blackgirlsheal

    Facebook: Black Girls Heal

    Website: Blackgirlsheal.org

     



    Our Sponsors:
    * Check out OSEA and use my code BGH for a great deal: oseamalibu.com
    * Check out eHarmony: www.eharmony.com


    Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/black-girls-heal/donations

    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
    28 May 2024, 3:35 pm
  • 31 minutes 45 seconds
    #245: The First 3 Steps of Healing Love Avoidance

    In this episode, I review the first 3 steps to heal from love avoidance and the issues that get in the way.

    Click here to download the free roadmap


    Ready to heal your Love Addiction & Love Avoidance?

    Click here to join our The Recovery School, my signature coaching program to help you become love balanced, love available, and fulfilled

     

    Can’t find a program, freebie, or event mentioned in the podcast?

    Click here to find the upgraded versions of previously announced programs and their replacements

     

    CONNECT WITH US ELSEWHERE

    Website: Blackgirlsheal.org

    Instagram: @BlackGirlsHeal

    TikTok: @blackgirlsheal

    Facebook: Black Girls Heal

    Website: Blackgirlsheal.org



    Our Sponsors:
    * Check out OSEA and use my code BGH for a great deal: oseamalibu.com
    * Check out eHarmony: www.eharmony.com


    Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/black-girls-heal/donations

    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
    21 May 2024, 8:05 am
  • 33 minutes 14 seconds
    #244: 4 Ways Family Trauma Will Normalize Emotional Abuse

    In this episode, I talk about 4 examples of emotional abuse that may set us up to be vulnerable to love addicted and love avoidant relationships.


    Ready to heal your Love Addiction & Love Avoidance?

    Click here to join our The Recovery School, my signature coaching program to help you become love balanced, love available, and fulfilled

     

    Can’t find a program, freebie, or event mentioned in the podcast?

    Click here to find the upgraded versions of previously announced programs and their replacements

     

    CONNECT WITH US ELSEWHERE

    Website: Blackgirlsheal.org

    Instagram: @BlackGirlsHeal

    TikTok: @blackgirlsheal

    Facebook: Black Girls Heal

    Website: Blackgirlsheal.org

     



    Our Sponsors:
    * Check out OSEA and use my code BGH for a great deal: oseamalibu.com
    * Check out eHarmony: www.eharmony.com


    Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/black-girls-heal/donations

    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
    14 May 2024, 8:00 am
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