You Have Permission

Dan Koch

So many of us have been given bad answers to good…

  • 1 hour 4 minutes
    All About Narcissism (#309)

    In this episode, I sat down with Chuck DeGroat, known for his work on narcissism in church contexts, for a wide-ranging conversation about the intersection of narcissistic patterns and religious communities. Chuck shared insights from his clinical experience about how narcissism often emerges as a trauma response and explained the crucial distinction between narcissistic tendencies and Narcissistic Personality Disorder. We explored how narcissistic leadership patterns can manifest across the theological spectrum, from conservative to progressive spaces, and how congregations adopt collective defensive postures that both attract and reinforce narcissistic leadership styles. Using Mars Hill Church as a case study, we examined how an "at war with culture" mentality can drive church growth while simultaneously undermining empathy and authentic community engagement. The conversation concluded with a rich exploration of psychological and theological integration, drawing parallels between Internal Family Systems therapy and how different religious traditions handle internal contradictions. This discussion proved so fruitful that we've planned a follow-up episode focusing specifically on spiritual harm and abuse, which will be available to Patreon subscribers.


    Chucks Website | Chuckdegroat.net


    Episodes Mentioned:

    Episode #187 with Molly Lacroix | Un-Shaming Each Part of Ourselves


    Highlights:

    11:20 Narcissism in Church Communities

    24:33 Theological Connections Between Empathy and Narcissism

    32:34 Narcissism and Church Dynamics

    43:30 Spiritual Abuse and Community Dynamics

    50:35 Integration and Multiplicity in Spirituality

    ___________________________________________

    Follow Dan on IG: www.instagram.com/dancoke/

    Or Twitter: twitter.com/DanKoch

    Faith deconstruction resources: www.soyouredeconstructing.com/

    Edited by Josh Gilbert (joshgilbertmedia.com -- he is accepting more work!)

    Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: patreon.com/dankoch

    Email about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: [email protected]

    YHP Patron-only FB group: tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98

    Website: www.dankochwords.com/yhp.html

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    Artwork by sprungle.co/

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    3 February 2025, 1:00 pm
  • 48 minutes 27 seconds
    GGCH: Best of 2024 & Celebrities Getting Christ-curious (#308)

    It’s time for another Generation Gap Culture Hour where I sit down with Josh Gilbert and Tony Jones to talk about current culture from across our 20-year age perspectives.

    In today’s episode we talk about:

    • How bands I toured with on the Warped Tour are now featuring at venues reserved for “legacy acts.” 👀
    • Band merchandise etiquette, including one very cringe story from Tony
    • Current events including Trump’s presidency and the TikTok ban
    • The absurdity of long URLs in podcast advertising
    • Institutions and outdated social media practices
    • Our favorite media of 2024: books about burnout culture, Korean War fighter pilots, and the fall of the Roman Empire


    In the patron-only second half, we get more in-depth discussing Joe Rogan's recent interactions with Christian figures, and examining the intersection of apologetics, early Christian history, and religious experience.


    Highlights:

    05:45 Political Concerns and TikTok Ban Discussions

    14:47 Dude Lit, Books, Movies & TV Shows of the Year

    23:53 Joe Rogan's Cultural Impact and Christianity


    Best of Book:

    Byung-Chul Han: A Critical Introduction (Josh)

    The Hunters by James Salter (Dan)

    We Were Soldiers Once... and Young (Tony)


    Best of Series/TV Show:

    Ripley (Dan)

    Keep Sweet: Pray and Obey (Tony)

    Presumed Innocent (Josh)


    Best of Movie:

    A Complete Unknown (Dan)

    Dune 2 (Tony)

    We Live in Time (Josh)


    Dan's Year End Mixes:

    Rock - Spotify

    Rock - Apple Music

    Pop - Spotify

    Pop- Apple Music


    ___________________________________________

    Follow Dan on IG: www.instagram.com/dancoke/

    Or Twitter: twitter.com/DanKoch

    Faith deconstruction resources: www.soyouredeconstructing.com/

    Edited by Josh Gilbert (joshgilbertmedia.com -- he is accepting more work!)

    Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: patreon.com/dankoch

    Email about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: [email protected]

    YHP Patron-only FB group: tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98

    Website: www.dankochwords.com/yhp.html

    Join Dan's email list: www.dankochwords.com/

    Artwork by sprungle.co/

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    27 January 2025, 1:00 pm
  • 54 minutes 9 seconds
    Disability, the Beatitudes & “Changing the World” (#307)

    I sat down with Micha Boyett, author of Blessed Are the Rest of Us and host of The Slow Way podcast, to explore the tension between millennial evangelical dreams and the realities of modern parenthood. We dove into how our generation's almost cinematic vision of "changing the world" manifested through movements like Invisible Children, Shane Claiborne's work, and TOMS Shoes – a fascinating confluence of entrepreneurship and world-saving ambitions. Micha shared her journey from being a 13-year-old Southern Baptist girl with limited ministry options to navigating suburban motherhood and raising a child with both Down syndrome and autism. We discussed how her experience has transformed her understanding of meaning, purpose, and what it means to live a life of impact. 


    In the Patron-only second half, our conversation deepens into questions of disability, human value, and finding new meaning in the Beatitudes.


    Micha's Instagram | @michaboyett

    Ace's Instagram | @acefaceismyfriend


    Highlights:

    04:54 Generational Expectations and Identity

    20:13 The Complexity of Disability in Society

    30:04 Anxiety and Parenting Challenges


    ___________________________________________

    Follow Dan on IG: www.instagram.com/dancoke/

    Or Twitter: twitter.com/DanKoch

    Faith deconstruction resources: www.soyouredeconstructing.com/

    Edited by Josh Gilbert (joshgilbertmedia.com -- he is accepting more work!)

    Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: patreon.com/dankoch

    Email about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: [email protected]

    YHP Patron-only FB group: tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98

    Website: www.dankochwords.com/yhp.html

    Join Dan's email list: www.dankochwords.com/

    Artwork by sprungle.co/

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    20 January 2025, 1:00 pm
  • 1 hour 2 minutes
    Dan is Getting Libertarian-Curious (#306)

    In this timely conversation with returning guest Bonnie Kristian, we explore libertarianism and its evolving role in today's political landscape. Moving beyond the dated "socially liberal, fiscally conservative" cliché, we discuss how true libertarianism centers on skepticism of government power, while distinguishing it from a newer "folk libertarianism" emerging among younger Americans. Bonnie helps clarify how traditional libertarians focus specifically on limiting state power and coercion, whereas this new wave represents more of a cultural backlash against elite institutions. Through our discussion of government intervention, institutional trust, and policy, we explore the challenge of maintaining necessary social structures while remaining appropriately skeptical of institutional overreach. This conversation illuminates why different forms of libertarian thinking are resonating with many Americans today, while helping me better understand my own evolving thoughts on these complex issues.


    Highlights

    03:28 Understanding Libertarian Identity

    09:59 Election Results and Libertarian Impulses

    18:43 Therapy, Psychology, and Libertarianism

    25:18 Resource Distribution and the Veil of Ignorance

    35:30 Trust in Institutions vs. Individual Thinkers


    Bonnie's Substack | Bonniekristian.substack.com


    Previous YHP Episodes with Bonnie:

    Episode 21 | To Consider Inerrancy, Infallibility & Inspiration


    ___________________________________________

    Follow Dan on IG: www.instagram.com/dancoke/

    Or Twitter: twitter.com/DanKoch

    Faith deconstruction resources: www.soyouredeconstructing.com/

    Edited by Josh Gilbert (joshgilbertmedia.com -- he is accepting more work!)

    Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: patreon.com/dankoch

    Email about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: [email protected]

    YHP Patron-only FB group: tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98

    Website: www.dankochwords.com/yhp.html

    Join Dan's email list: www.dankochwords.com/

    Artwork by sprungle.co/

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    13 January 2025, 1:00 pm
  • 1 hour 16 minutes
    “Is It True?” vs. “Does It Work?” (#305)

    Turn your brains on for a fascinating conversation with scholar and author Tara Isabella Burton (Self Made, Strange Rites, Social Creature) about one of the core tensions in modern spirituality: does it matter more if a religious or spiritual practice works, or if it's true? Drawing from my experience as a therapist and Tara's background in theology, we explore how this plays out in everything from manifesting culture to ancient religious practices. I share my more pragmatic perspective, focused on what actually helps people in therapeutic settings, while Tara makes a compelling case for why we can't separate spiritual practices from their truth claims. We dig into the placebo effect, positive thinking, the limits of pure pragmatism, and whether spiritual practices might "work" precisely because they align with deeper truths about reality. It's a nuanced discussion that challenges both pure pragmatism and rigid orthodoxy, suggesting these seemingly opposing views might actually complement each other in surprising ways.


    Tara's New Book | Here in Avalon


    Tara's Website | Taraisabellaburton.com


    Highlights

    12:10 Modern Spirituality and Individualism

    21:05 The Intersection of Faith and Truth

    30:12 Pragmatism in Therapy and Spirituality

    45:03 The Pursuit of Happiness and Material Success

    01:07:10 Exploring the Tension Between Ancient and Modern Wisdom

    ___________________________________________

    Follow Dan on IG: www.instagram.com/dancoke/

    Or Twitter: twitter.com/DanKoch

    Faith deconstruction resources: www.soyouredeconstructing.com/

    Edited by Josh Gilbert (joshgilbertmedia.com -- he is accepting more work!)

    Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: patreon.com/dankoch

    Email about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: [email protected]

    YHP Patron-only FB group: tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98

    Website: www.dankochwords.com/yhp.html

    Join Dan's email list: www.dankochwords.com/

    Artwork by sprungle.co/

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    6 January 2025, 1:00 pm
  • 1 hour 35 minutes
    Religion, Humor & Therapy (#304)

    Spencer Bland joins me to discuss his journey through various Christian denominations as a southern-based comedian who now takes a more open-ended approach to spirituality. We explore how he uses his religious background as source material for his comedy, including a hilarious story about a demon named Kyle, while maintaining a thoughtful and nuanced perspective that honors personal experience rather than broad critique. Our discussion brings up the parallels between comedy and therapy as tools for processing religious experiences and how humor can help acknowledge both the absurdity and significance of our past. 


    Spencer's Instagram | @spencerspicy


    Highlights

    08:57 The Role of Humor in Religion

    17:49 The Intersection of Comedy and Religion

    31:02 From Pastor to Comedian

    54:54 Healing from Religious Trauma

    01:10:07 Reflections on Mission Trips and Cultural Christianity


    ___________________________________________

    Follow Dan on IG: www.instagram.com/dancoke/

    Or Twitter: twitter.com/DanKoch

    Faith deconstruction resources: www.soyouredeconstructing.com/

    Edited by Josh Gilbert (joshgilbertmedia.com -- he is accepting more work!)

    Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: patreon.com/dankoch

    Email about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: [email protected]

    YHP Patron-only FB group: tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98

    Website: www.dankochwords.com/yhp.html

    Join Dan's email list: www.dankochwords.com/

    Artwork by sprungle.co/

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    30 December 2024, 1:00 pm
  • 1 hour 19 minutes
    Authoritative vs. Nurturant Religion (Re-Broadcast)

    Around Christmas, we often rebroadcast a favorite episode. This year, we’re revisiting an episode about nurturant versus authoritarian religion, one of my personal favorites and a listener favorite too. It’s especially relevant now as many of us reflect on family dynamics over the holidays—parenting, upbringing, and how we think about God. The episode is both practical and theoretical, with insights for parents and anyone thinking about their own childhood.


    Original Show Notes:

    John Sanders joins me to drop one of the single most helpful distinctions I have ever heard in discussions of religion and culture. His identification and explanation of Nurturant and Authoritative approaches to religion, politics, parenting, and more has been kicking around my head daily for 6 weeks now. You should not skip this episode. And you should probably support indie publishers and buy his book Embracing Prodigals


    ___________________________________________

    Follow Dan on IG: www.instagram.com/dancoke/

    Or Twitter: twitter.com/DanKoch

    Faith deconstruction resources: www.soyouredeconstructing.com/

    Edited by Josh Gilbert (joshgilbertmedia.com -- he is accepting more work!)

    Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: patreon.com/dankoch

    Email about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: [email protected]

    YHP Patron-only FB group: tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98

    Website: www.dankochwords.com/yhp.html

    Join Dan's email list: www.dankochwords.com/

    Artwork by sprungle.co/

    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    23 December 2024, 1:00 pm
  • 42 minutes 47 seconds
    5 Election Takeaways w/Kristen Tideman (#303)

    Over breakfast in San Diego, I sat down with returning guest Kristen Tideman to analyze the 2024 presidential election through fresh eyes. Drawing from a 15-speaker mega-panel Kristen had just attended at the American Academy of Religion conference, we explored several alternative frameworks for understanding the election results. We discussed the concept of "vibes-based voting" using David French's curling analogy, which suggests voter sentiment (like a curling stone) can only be marginally influenced by campaigns. This led us to examine how feelings about the economy, nostalgia, and desire for change played a bigger role than explicit policy positions. We challenged the prevailing white Christian nationalism narrative by looking at immigrant voting patterns, and explored Trump's appeal as an "avatar of hope" for voters frustrated with cultural constraints. In the Patron-only second half, we delved into identity politics, anti-elite sentiment, and potential voting reforms. While more political coverage surely lies ahead, this conversation helped foster greater understanding of how we arrived at these results.


    Kristen's Company Website | tidycocreative.com


    Highlights

    04:20 The Impact of Politics on Daily Life

    09:42 What is “Vibes-Based Voting?”

    16:10 Beyond White Christian Nationalism

    25:14 Trump as an Avatar of Hope

    34:11 The Role of Identity in Politics


    ___________________________________________

    Follow Dan on IG: www.instagram.com/dancoke/

    Or Twitter: twitter.com/DanKoch

    Faith deconstruction resources: www.soyouredeconstructing.com/

    Edited by Josh Gilbert (joshgilbertmedia.com -- he is accepting more work!)

    Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: patreon.com/dankoch

    Email about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: [email protected]

    YHP Patron-only FB group: tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98

    Website: www.dankochwords.com/yhp.html

    Join Dan's email list: www.dankochwords.com/

    Artwork by sprungle.co/

    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    16 December 2024, 1:00 pm
  • 1 hour 18 minutes
    Progressive Theology in the Black Church (#302)

    In this episode, I speak with Kristian Smith, a fifth-generation Baptist preacher doing groundbreaking work at the intersection of Black church traditions and progressive theology. While many white religious deconstruction journeys (including my own) focus primarily on intellectual and theological questions, Kristian explains how Black church deconstruction involves much deeper communal and embodied dimensions. The Black church has historically served as more than just a religious institution—it's been the heart of Black community life and one of the few spaces where Black Americans could gather with true autonomy. Kristian offers a fascinating framework that separates spirituality from theology, arguing that while Black church spirituality (including its emotional expressiveness, music, and communal experience) has direct links to African spiritual traditions, its theology was largely borrowed from white evangelicalism. His work focuses on preserving these life-giving cultural and spiritual elements while developing new theological frameworks that better serve people's full humanity. Our conversation opened my eyes to the unique dynamics within Black Christian communities and the diverse ways people experience faith transitions, particularly when religious identity is deeply intertwined with cultural preservation and community belonging.


    Kristian's Instagram | @kristiansmith


    Kristian's Podcast | Holy Smokes: Cigars and Spirituality


    Highlights

    09:05 The Emotional Weight of Leaving the Black Church

    18:06 The Disconnect Between Black and White Deconstruction Spaces

    30:00 Progressive Theology and the Black Church

    44:56 The Vision for a Progressive Black Church

    52:36 Navigating Leadership Dynamics in Multicultural Spaces


    ___________________________________________

    Follow Dan on IG: www.instagram.com/dancoke/

    Or Twitter: twitter.com/DanKoch

    Faith deconstruction resources: www.soyouredeconstructing.com/

    Edited by Josh Gilbert (joshgilbertmedia.com -- he is accepting more work!)

    Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: patreon.com/dankoch

    Email about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: [email protected]

    YHP Patron-only FB group: tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98

    Website: www.dankochwords.com/yhp.html

    Join Dan's email list: www.dankochwords.com/

    Artwork by sprungle.co/

    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    9 December 2024, 1:00 pm
  • 37 minutes 47 seconds
    Raising Spiritually Healthy Kids (#301)

    Jon Ogden, co-founder of Uplift Kids, joined me to talk about navigating spiritual parenting in ways that prevent religious trauma. As a father of two young children, and someone who frequently references Dr. Lisa Miller's research on child spirituality and mental health, I was particularly interested in Uplift's approach. Jon explained their model of combining internal guidance with modern science and ancient wisdom from a variety of traditions, moving beyond simplistic "follow your heart" messaging. We explored how parents can't simply transfer their mature spiritual understanding to children, who must undergo their own developmental journey. I found their developmentally-appropriate framework promising for helping children build a foundation that can withstand future questioning without causing a spiritual crisis. Our patron-only segment covered post-secularism, concerning trends in youth meaninglessness, and the importance of balanced virtue ethics.


    Want to try Uplift for your family? Join here to get a two-week trial and use code PERMISSION to let them know I sent you.


    Highlights:

    02:59 The Role of Spirituality in Child Development

    12:00 The Process of Spiritual Development

    18:13 The Inner Compass: Guiding Children in Life


    ___________________________________________

    Follow Dan on IG: www.instagram.com/dancoke/

    Or Twitter: twitter.com/DanKoch

    Faith deconstruction resources: www.soyouredeconstructing.com/

    Edited by Josh Gilbert (joshgilbertmedia.com -- he is accepting more work!)

    Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: patreon.com/dankoch

    Email about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: [email protected]

    YHP Patron-only FB group: tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98

    Website: www.dankochwords.com/yhp.html

    Join Dan's email list: www.dankochwords.com/

    Artwork by sprungle.co/

    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    2 December 2024, 1:00 pm
  • 46 minutes 6 seconds
    GGCH: 300th Episode Party (#300)

    For our 300th episode, Josh, Tony and I get together for another Generation Gap Culture Hour. We reflect on our recent Beer Camp adventures (including an unexpected AirBnb mystery guest) before diving into cultural analysis of the Tyson-Paul fight and our changing relationships with political media consumption. We explore how each of us is processing post-election coverage differently — from my focus on constructive analysis to Josh abandoning his NPR habits to Tony's insights from conversations with his adult children. The discussion highlights the privilege of academic distance while examining how to balance staying informed with mental health. The Patron-only second half includes deeper dives into progressive Christianity, academic discourse, and Joe Rogan's shifting stance on spirituality.


    Highlights:

    06:14 Would You Rather: Podcasting Dilemmas

    14:56 Mike Tyson vs. Jake Paul: A Cultural Commentary

    20:52 Concluding Thoughts and Future Directions

    38:50 Political Perspectives and Siloed Views


    ___________________________________________

    Follow Dan on IG: www.instagram.com/dancoke/

    Or Twitter: twitter.com/DanKoch

    Faith deconstruction resources: www.soyouredeconstructing.com/

    Edited by Josh Gilbert (joshgilbertmedia.com -- he is accepting more work!)

    Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: patreon.com/dankoch

    Email about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: [email protected]

    YHP Patron-only FB group: tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98

    Website: www.dankochwords.com/yhp.html

    Join Dan's email list: www.dankochwords.com/

    Artwork by sprungle.co/

    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    25 November 2024, 1:00 pm
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