Chapter 5

When I got back into town, I was not met with a lot of enthusiasm. The whole time I was gone, Lucy had to take care of my son. I forced her to be a parent, and for that, I was grateful.

We ended up just trying to make life work for a while. The problem was, as soon as I got back, gran was back to the same ole same ole, and so, we couldn’t really stay there anymore.  On top of that, as soon as I got back into town, I parked the car at the house, and after 2 days of being home, the repo men came and got the car. Just like that, we were vehicle less again.

Life was getting rough because of living with gran without a vehicle. On a whim, we ended up going to a place that gave us housing assistance. They helped us get a little tiny house.

Even though the house was small, we made it our home. It was just Lucy, my son and I, and for that, I was thankful. We had one room, a kitchen and a bathroom.

At this time, it was tax time and we got a nice little chunk of change. I think it was like $1,800.

We ended up getting the internet and somehow Sprint gave us cell phones. We were also able to get a car, a Honda Accord. We bought the car on a whim because it looked good, but we were told that it would need struts soon, and when we were driving it, it would screech on both front sides. I figured that it wouldn’t be anything to go and get some struts from a junk yard. I was wrong. This is a part that needed to be bought new, and I had found that out after I had purchased the vehicle. I couldn’t afford to put new struts on it and really hated it after a couple of weeks.

After a short period of time, Ralph started coming over to our new home. He had been staying with gran and gran was getting worse with her dementia. Ralph was on the needle at this point in time. In fact, he had had an incident with an 18 year old woman that was accusing him of shooting her up with bleach. He really is a terrible person and this didn’t surprise us at all. I personally know 5 women that Ralph shot up for the first time.

One night, one of Lucy’s friends needed a place to stay because she was fighting with her mom. Her name was Bernice. Bernice and Ralph had fell in love a while ago, and they were terrible for each other. After countless times of these 2 people getting into fights because Ralph would have sex with whoever he wanted, and she was possessive and crazy just like him, they finally realized that they were a train wreck together. They are both bi-polar and everything they did together was all bad.

Her mother and step dad had us meet them at a CVS to get Bernice. When they pulled up, they were acting really nasty towards Bernice, and so I stepped in and started cussing these people out, telling them “what kind of parent puts their child out in the middle of winter” and “you guys are trash”. Things along that line. I can’t stand people that think they are better than anyone else, those that hurt others when others obviously have problems. I told them that her daughter had problems because they had problems and how could they ever expect their daughter to get better at life if they abandoned her at every moment, just as she was getting back on her feet. I hate people like that. Nasty people.

When we invited her over to stay with us, Lucy told her that Ralph was living in the basement of our house, and that if she and Ralph decided to mess around with each other, get intimate in any way, Bernice would not be able to live with us anymore. She said she wouldn’t do anything with him, and agreed to help us in any way that she could.

I ended up giving her one of the cell phones that I had gotten at tax time because we were out of money and she told us that she would help us by paying more than half of the bill. I was stoked about this because we really needed at least one p...

Chapter 4

The $40 in my gas tank didn't last too long. My problem, if you call it a problem, is that I don't have a hustle. I'm terrified of pulling crimes because I get caught for the dumb things I don't plan, so I figure that I will definitely get caught for the things that I do plan.

I needed gas though, so I turned to an old, but tried and true scam that has worked every time for me, one that I had never been caught doing. I pulled up to Wal-Mart, walked into the store, went and grabbed an expensive (non-technology based) item, kept it out in the open so as not to look suspicious, walked through the check-outs directly to the customer service desk, and promptly returned said item for a gift card. The item in question was a $140 tent.

Wal-Mart caught on to this long ago, but doesn't know how to stop it from happening. Instead, they put limits on how often you can return things without receipts (3 in 6 months) and even more recently, started limiting the return amount to about $50 max, depending on the situation.

Also, if you get a gift card and the Wal-Mart has a Murphy U.S.A. gas station nearby, you can use the gift card to buy gas.

This was what I was looking for, but unfortunately, there were no WaI-Mart's nearby with gas stations, so I did the tent thing and tried something new. After receiving the gift card, I went back to the check-out, bought a prepaid MasterCard, tried to load $100 on to it and look! It worked! I didn't need the Murphy U.S.A. anymore! I could use any place that took MasterCard and that was everywhere!

I went across the street and tried to use it, but it didn't work. I called the prepaid company and they said it could take up to 6 hours. It was time to wait patiently. After about 4 hours, my money showed up, I gassed up, went back and bought cigarettes and some food at Wal-Mart, jumped back on the freeway and continued my journey. I was stoked because I knew that I could do this a couple more times and get plenty of money for the trip. I hadn't done it in years.

As I got into North Carolina later the next day, I needed money again. I was on my way to do the thing again, but while on the freeway, there was a red Mustang, brand new, that wanted to race me or something ignorant like that. I wasn't looking for all that; I just wanted to get off the freeway. I was driving behind him, and he brake checked me. I was too close and had to swerve. When I did this, the tires locked on me and I spun out right in the middle of the freeway, and the day, going at least 60mph. I somehow landed in the ditch backward, but without any damage to myself, any other vehicles or my vehicle, minus a bent muffler that dug into the hill rising out of the ditch into a fronting a field or swamp or something. It was amazing. The red Mustang kept on going.

I got off the freeway and pulled into a gas station to assess the damage, tie the muffler up, put some more gas in and get some food before taking off, back on my mission. I was headed east and was only about 50 miles from the southbound interchange that would take me past Charlotte into South Carolina. When I got to Charlotte, I went to a hospital and told them that I had just got into an accident and that I needed to be seen. I wanted to get high and I knew that they would give me some pain pills, which they did, only taking about 2 hours to do such. I got a script of 12 5mg Vicodin.

I then went to Wal-Mart, did the tent thing again and got away with it. This time though, they hesitated. They told me that I had just done this the day before in Nashville. I said I did, that I had 2 tents from my family outing, and that I didn't think to return both yesterday. They finally gave me the card.

After that, I took all 12 pills and regretted that almost immediately. I wanted to sleep,

Chapter 3

Before we left the hospital, a nurse came up to us and asked if we wanted to do a paternity test to split custody. She said it would cost $500. We didn't have that money, so she said if I was sure I was the father, that I could sign a paternity affidavit. This would allow me to be the father on the birth certificate and for my son to have my last name. She told me that I would not have any custody rights though until paternity was legally established. I figured this was not a problem and I signed the paperwork. This was second worst split-decision I had ever made. She had 100% custody and that meant she had all the responsibility, or, if she wanted to, have a very powerful weapon to hurt me. How do you think this plays out?

We left the hospital 2 days later, and went back to the trailer. Now that our son was born, gran was not thinking about kicking me out anymore. Everything had changed overnight.

That thing Ralph had been working on was a complete remodel of our room into a nice room with blue (boy) colors and a basinet. It was very nice and had the words "Never go to sleep without kissing me goodnight" above his bed. My son was perfect and this was a perfect gift to us, even though Ralph was always doing us terribly. I forgave him for all the “before”, but then, just as before, it all started up again.

Lucy started having friends over and starting becoming really lazy. She was addicted to Facebook and whenever we would get into an argument, she would passively aggressively post comments that were ridiculous just to piss me off, saying that nobody knows that she is talking about me. EVERYONE knew she was talking bad about me publicly. I began to despise her.

I took care of my son. I never EVER asked her to do anything for him. Whatever situation came up, I handled right then and there. She, on the other hand, would ask me to change his diaper, feed him, get him dressed, wake up and take care of him (even though I worked 12 hour days) and do literally everything for him. Me. Not only these things, but I would constantly come home to a dirty house. It got very tiring and eventually I just had enough.

The problem was this: ever since she moved in with gran when she was 14, she had been pampered, princess-ified, and so she had no responsibility. I had hoped as our relationship progressed that she would see that the real word requires that we not be lazy, but of course, that was never the case. It got way worse after our son was born. Plus, gran got a disability check each month, and would give her about $400 of it no matter what. It was terrible.

Finally, that aunt from New York came out to visit us saying that she wanted to meet my son. When she got there, she had an ounce of weed meet her at our doorstep via UPS. We smoked for a couple of days, but then, she started being very stingy and taking up space at our home. I was getting badmouthed again, and so, one day, I went into work, told them that I needed to switch shifts and start cooking because everything was taking a toll on me in life, and I need a break from the public. My work agreed, put me on a duel schedule, serve this day, and cook this day. This caused tax problems though, so I wasn't making as much as I should of. This was the final straw.

I had about $200. I went home, told Lucy that I had had enough, and that I was going to take the car, the $200 and I was going to head south. I wanted to move us somewhere fresh. A new start. The truth was, I needed to get her out of her comfort zone because I was exhausted from the constant abuse and the mental/physical strain of shouldering all of the responsibility, I was sick of my state and it was time to make a move.

I called my work, told them I couldn't work anymore, that I was having a breakdown, packed up the crossover,

CHAPTER 2

We got on the road an hour later. It was late at night, about 11pm, but I didn't care, even if we had to stop and rest, we were finally on the road.

The ride was nice. We really got to listen to the fullest, each others music. We had YouTube and an unlimited data cell phone plan, as well as an auxiliary cord to plug into the radio in the rental car. We had fun and enjoyed each other's company and the ride.

The first sign of trouble came in the state of Pennsylvania. I was going about 80mph with a group of other drivers in a wide open area of road, me being in the passing lane, when all of a sudden, a state cop pops out of nowhere. He hit his blue lights and pulled me over. I was terrified because I was not supposed to be driving the rental. Luckily for me, he just gave me a speeding ticket and let me go on, but, I had a real problem from the event. I was on license probation from an earlier speeding ticket, and if I got any tickets while on this year long probation, I would get my license suspended. I had only 5 or so days left until that probation. I was really hoping that this ticket wouldn't show up in the state that I lived, but I was definitely wrong.

After 12 hours, we ran out of money for gas, and after figuring out how long it would take to get where we were going, we called gran to get some more money. That only took 2 hours or so, and then we finally got back on the road. We really were not prepared for this trip at all. We went on a whim without any actual planning. The only part we that was planned was where we were going to stay. We took this trip with no money of our own.

We finally got to Long Island 18 hours later and after another hour, finally pulled up to her aunt's house. She invited us in and we ate dinner. We told her the plan while there, but things were quickly falling away from what I wanted.


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In order to get to Manhattan, I would have to drive an hour back, or take a train. Either way, we didn't have any money for gas or for the train, so I was very limited on what to do here.

We ended up getting $20 from her aunt, but when it was time to get on the train, Lucy wanted to sleep in, instead of going to Times Square with me. It really aggravated me, but I took the train there and tried to pass out cards.

I was really excited. There are LED boards 20 stories up in the air all over Times Square, and after talking to a bunch of vendors there, I finally found a place that would allow me my 30 seconds of fame, which was the opportunity to put a picture of my business card up on one of the LED's. The store liked the charity I was contributing to with my game, so they allowed me to put the card up for free.

I then went outside and waited. I asked a guy that walked by if he would like to check out my game and he said "Yo, where are you from guy?" I told him my state and he said "Yeah, well, why don't you go back there. I'm from Brooklyn and I will smack the stuff out of you" I said, "I'm sorry for bothering you", and went back to wait for my card to pop up on the LED.

I started to tell people walking by that my card was about to pop up on the screen and some started waiting with me, but it was taking too long, and just as I was about to go in and check with the store, all the LED's in the Square changed blue. Apparently Microsoft had bought out all of the space for this time of night to promote the launch of the Surfac...

Here is the beginning of the "crazy".



CHAPTER 1


When we finally met, Lucy and her 2 cousins came to pick me up late one night. It was a nice ride and I was thankful to get away from where I was after the grueling heat and crack/cocaine of the previous 2 months.

Lucy had a beautiful face, but she was a bigger girl. I didn't mind that, but she was one of those that wouldn't give you the full scope of her size because online, she didn't want to take pictures that were accurate, Basically, she was a manipulator, just like me. We both lied about something: Her, her size, and me? Well, I didn't lie, I just didn't tell her that I had a drug problem that I was trying to escape. I liked her though. She was a loner, and we got along on the phone, so I decided to ride this out and see where it went.

When we got to her town, we pulled up to her trailer in the trailer park they lived in. It was small, but pretty well maintained. She lived with her grandma and her brother Ralph, the second worst person I have ever met.

Immediately I could tell he was high on meth, but he seemed like a nice enough guy. Could I ever have been more wrong? The answer is no. I asked her why she didn't tell me her brother was a meth-head and she said "I didn't want you to think of me as a bad person because of my brother. I just wanted a chance." This whole situation was bad, but being away from where I was was all I cared about and so the bad vibe sense was pushed away. I should have not pushed it away. I had never done meth before, and didn't start at this moment. My friend had always told me not to do it, so I was afraid of it anyway. But I got to see firsthand what it did to people.

Ralph had a huge truck, and so we all piled into it, me, Lucy and him. It was late at night, so we took a ride. This was truly a "country" family. Redneck is the word that comes to mind.


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The first night was pretty fun, riding around and talking. We went to bed without incident and woke up the next morning to them wanting me to make breakfast, since I had told them all that I could cook very well, so I did. I don't remember what we had, but it was a nice breakfast. I brought her grandma a plate because she was in a wheelchair, then I did the dishes. I was trying to make the best impression that I could and it was working.

That night, after driving around for a little while and meeting some of Ralph's friends, we got a phone call from one of them that said he was about to get into a fight, and since Ralph was high on meth, he wanted EVERYTHING to do with that, so we drove over there. I was down for whatever and told him.

While we waited for the fight to come to his friend's house, we smoked a blunt. It quickly became apparent that the people that wanted to fight did not actually want to fight, just talk smack, so we left. While on the way, another friend of his called and said that some guys were coming over to jump him. Once again, off we went, back to the trailer park.

This time, when we got there, Ralph told Lucy to go inside and stay there, and to pray that God was with us. He told her that he did not want her to see this, and then he grabbed a Louisville Slugger baseball bat and told me to grab a three foot long 2x2 plank. From there we started to run between trailers until we got to his buddies, an army vet heroin addict.

When we arrived, there were other people there,

This is the backstory, everything leading up to the Chapter 1 - E03.




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I had just turned 34 years old at the time of completing the writing of this book. The period that I am starting this off at is about a week after my 29thbirthday. I’d like to give you a brief summary of what my life was like prior to this writing. I have been through a lot.

My parents were divorced at 5, I was abandoned by my father at 7 and sent to my mothers, my mother remarried when I was 11 to a man that was abusive both physically and emotionally towards me, I started smoking cigarettes, and was sent to juvenile detention at 14, I was expelled from 3 schools due to my rebellious behavior, fought often because of being bullied, went to foster care at 15, went to Job Corps at 16, started smoking pot and drinking as well as lost my virginity at said Job Corp, went to the Army at 17, was 'other than honorably' discharged due to my conduct, got my first apartment at 18, went homeless shortly afterwards for not being able to hold a job, started doing cocaine at that point, then moved on to crack/cocaine, had to stay with a gay man for some nights and experimented with homosexuality, stole a car to get out of the cold, that car broke down and so I had to steal another car, went on high speed pursuit before crashing into a house at 90mph without a seatbelt on(taking no physical damage), went to jail, got out, failed at probation, got caught up with some people that were committing armed robberies, went to prison for 2 ½ years, got out of prison when I was 22 and met my African American ex-wife. At 23, after completing my parole, I slapped the phone out of her hand and received a felony battery, got put on house arrest, and then married her after the fact. I did 2 years of probation. During that time, at the age of 24, I started college. I ended up blowing my $31,000 worth of school loans on frivolous things like gold for my ex-wife and electronics for myself, and after another 2 years, at the age of 27, ended up getting into mutual combat with her, thus ending our marriage. I then met another African American woman who helped me get my divorce finalized, moved to a major city with her, continued college, and started my first business, which didn't succeed. At 28, I got heavily back into crack/cocaine use, started building a video game with an investors' money, lost all my own money due to my crack use, but completed my game. I went to rehab, did drugs in rehab and got kicked out. After this, just before I turned 29, I went back to my ex-wife, smoked a lot of crack with her uncle, started looking online for somewhere to go, and finally, 4 days after I turned 29, I met Lucy online.

Meeting Lucy in person is where this story begins.


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This is the beginning of a journey that will save many lives and prevent so much heartache.



None of the books you may have read about Meth give a truly informative and detailed account of what really happens to your life. So, I’m here to detail the extreme. Believe me, you may think you are safe from it, but I have seen so many people that you would never expect to do Meth, get caught in its grasp and fall, quickly, all the way to the bottom. I myself included.

In this podcast, I will talk about literally 1000 reasons NOT to try it. Count them as we go.


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I have made all of the mistakes possible to show you what happens at an extreme level of meth usage. Obviously, if you try it, have tried it, are a regular user or have gotten clean, my life is not yours, and you may or may not do, or have done, the things that I myself have done while on meth.

This podcast is designed to scare the living crap out of you. It covers the years 29-34 (five years) of my life in every highly sordid, disgusting, dirty, foul, filthy, repulsive, gross, and stomach-turning detail. It is my wish that every single teenager on the planet listen to this show, but I hope everyone else wants to know exactly what meth does, or can do, to a person as well. So please listen in.

This show is no-holds-barred, but I am and will do my very best to use politically correct terminology throughout. There will no cursing, or use of obscene/vulgar language. The content IS highly graphic though. You have been warned. Please do not let these warnings stop you from listening in. It is for your well being that I am laying bare this part of my life and I really hope that all of you, the listeners, take to heart the message that I am trying to convey here, which is, DO NOT DO DRUGS, but ESPECIALLY do not do METH!

If you would, please share this show using every avenue possible. This podcast may not be for you, but I promise that you know someone that really needs to hear my words. Don't deny them a life free of meth. Just don't. Think about others. If you do invite someone to listen in, make sure they start from the beginning, from this moment right here.

I have written most of this as a misery memoir that I am self publishing, and that memoir is available at scaredtometh.me. The words that I am saying to you, I am reading directly from my book, minus this PODCAST AUTHORS NOTE. Please visit scaredtometh.me and click on the link “A Place to Say” to discuss anything that you would like to discuss with me. Feel free to leave a message for me and tell me what you think.

My name is Me!IAmHeORHimOrHis, and I hope that my story makes you “Scared To METH”

By the way, do you know what METH stands for?

METH =

(M)ain
(E)ntrance
(T)o
(H)ell


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