You know you’re heading into trauma when Michelle Williams shows up in a pixie cut. A story about several days in the life of a woman making her way across country with her dog, this movie is sparse, dialogue-light, and takes its time. But is that a good thing, or a bad thing? Let’s head to a Walgreen’s parking lot to find out.

With an all-star cast including Tilda Swinton, Keanu Reeves, Vince Vaughn, Vincent D’onofrio, and Benjamin Bratt, and music by Elliot Smith and The Polyphonic Spree, this mid-2000s coming-of-age movie is brimming with promise. Does it deliver, or does it, well, suck?

It’s beginning to look a lot like…we’re losing our minds. Much like celebrating Christmas with a hyperactive child cracked out on pixie sticks, “Christmas Freak” asks the bold question: “Can someone love Christmas too much?” and “Is there any way to stop this from happening to me?” Find out where your holiday spirit turns from “Goodwill to all people” to “For the love of Santa please make this stop” in this month’s episode.

Definitely the most current movie we’ve ever covered…and maybe one of the best? If you haven’t seen it, we recommend going in blind, but either way, it’s a big recommend from us – it’s available on Netflix. This episode is formatted a bit differently than normal, so if you want to follow how we did it, you can stop and listen at around the 25 minute mark, and the 1:04:00 mark. Enjoy!

A group of people wake up in an experimental facility hoping for a cure to a disease that is ravaging the world – but is that cure worse than the disease? And does this low-budget indie movie make the best out of what it has to work with? The hosts are split, much like the dog in this movie.

Would you believe me if I told you there was a TV movie filmed in Portland about the attack on the World Trade Center starring George Clooney and Fran Drescher? Of course you would – this is Portland at the Movies, after all (and it’s the 1993 WTC bombing). It’s also got the dad from “Fresh Price of Bel Air,” so there’s that too. And Andre Braugher. And the brother from “Blossom.”

A movie so baffling that even after discussing it for an hour we’re at a loss. So we’ll just post Roger Ebert’s review here: “Here is a movie that looks like a parody, sounds like a parody and plays like a parody, but isn’t a parody — because the genre it’s making fun of doesn’t exist. Maybe “Love at Large” is a satire on satire itself. It feels like a movie from another time-space continuum, another world where audiences would understand the jokes and respond to the references. It should play in a theater where the manager is Rod Serling.” So, like, enjoy! The movie is free on YouTube.

Like a moth to the flame, we’re back with another 90s made-for-TV legal thriller starring Annette O’Toole, Michael McKean, and CCH Pounder. Kidnapping, murder, dubious legal work, and the continual highlighting of the gay community and those who love them as dangerous monsters is really only table setting for what are two of the most egregious miscarriages of justice we’ve ever seen on film. Press “play” on the rap cd, we’re going to court!

Summer is just beginning, so let’s head to the Oregon coast for this family/adventure film about a teenager’s search for the legendary Tillamook gold left by Spanish sailors. Is it a jaunty kids action movie, or a frigid, bitter look at the disintegration of an American marriage? Find out on this month’s episode!

Is there anything more early-2000s than Ryan Philippe and Rachel Leigh Cook? This month we travel back to the Big Tech of 2000s for this thriller about a mega tech company who will stop at nothing in their pursuit of code with the perfect structure. Or something. The tech is a bit hazy. Does this movie get anything else right? Find out on this month’s episode.

Well, we’re finally reviewing the movie that spawned this whole podcast: Madonna’s 1993 throwback/thriller/noir/erotic courtroom drama that dares to ask the question: “Can you screw someone to death?” We dare to ask the question: “Is this movie as bad as its reputation holds? Is it that bad in comparison to the other Portland films we’ve been subjected to in the past?” Light your candles, bust out the light bulbs, and allow yourself to be seduced by the billowy curtains (and the Green Goblin) in this installment of Portland at the Movies. (Note: For the Madonna fans who found their way here, yes, I’m aware I accidentally said “Who’s That Girl” instead of “Shanghai Surprise” when talking about Madonna and Sean’s movie. We’re just going to have to be OK with that. Don’t come for me.)