On this episode we are fortunate enough to chat with author and adoptive parent Simone Knego. 

Her book The Extraordinary UnOrdinary You is a great read anytime, but it is also something that really resonates with a new year and new opportunities. She has a way of reminding us that life happens in the little, everyday moments, like saying hi to your neighbor or waiting a beat to answering a personal question. The stories that come from those encounters, and from her life with her husband and six children, will make you think about the way you approach your own daily routine.

Her witty perspective allows us a fun look at everyday life. We think you will also enjoy our conversation with her as much as we did.

(Hey all- we did this podcast as socially distant as possible, which means we were on three separate phone lines. So there is a little lag on some of the audio which can make it sound out of sync. Hopefully it's not too bothersome, because there is some good info here! Sorry about that!)

Jennifer Street, a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional, is back on the podcast for another episode on taking a trauma-informed approach to mental health during this pandemic. We discuss what we hope will be some helpful reminders for parents and new resources as well.

The trends across the country have shown indicators that people are becoming stressed and overwhelmed.  For this reason, as a caregiver, you have to take care of your needs first,  before you can be helpful to your children.

Change your own expectations of your daily goals.

See where your "pain points" are in your daily routine, and consider whether there is a different way to approach that time of day.  

Give yourself permission to be "off" and do something fun.

Nature is grounding and can help center you. Find time to take a walk outside, sit in the grass or even bring a meal or snack outdoors.

Your child might be in psychological distress if he or she is acting irritable, unable to sit still or focus, or generally not acting like themselves. (Check in with your pediatrician if you're concerned.)

Create space for children to share their feelings with a chart of different colored hearts, for example.

Practice the application of coping skills (for instance, yoga or breath work) when your children aren't upset, so they can return to it when they are in need of regulation. Practicing it while they are calm is the key.

Model the behavior of healthy coping skills.

Talk to children without using shame or guilt to avoid pushing them away.  

Communication cards to change communication: Teach for Love

Remember that children are not little adults. 

Connect, get on their eye-level and offer to help them do something, rather than asking or telling them to do something multiple times.

When giving choices, make both acceptable outcomes for you.

Woe, No Fun book

Better Health -online counseling

Faithful Counseling -online counseling 

Children around the country are feeling the effects of the coronavirus quarantine. If your child is experiencing anxiety, grief, confusion over closings or frustration with their changing world, you’re not alone! Behavioral regression in children is a trauma response. Our guest is Jennifer Street who is a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional who specializes in trauma work to find the best ways we as parents can help children navigate these troubling times. (This is part one of what will be at least a two-part series on mental health. We- Carrie and Karyn- are not doctors, or mental health experts! But we felt a need to start a conversation about this.)

Here are some takeaways from our discussion:

~Structure creates safety for children, and children require that - especially now. 

~Parenting is now completely different, whether you're working while at home, going into work as an essential worker (or easing back into it as the orders are lifted) or a stay at home parent. Be easy on yourself. Don't measure your current daily accomplishments to your former level of efficiency, or anyone else's. 

~Learning to regulate your own emotions as a parent is the first place to start so that you can teach your children to do the same. 

~Boundaries are crucial for working parents: Set up a workspace away from your children, if possible.
Take shifts if you're able with a spouse or partner. Also, shift mentally into work/play mode during the day.

~Create a demobilizing ritual so you can shift from work to parenting duties: Three steps: Reflect, rest, reset.
Set an intention for how you will show up to achieve quality time at your job and with your family.

~Have a daily routine and schedule of certain things that happen at certain times, even if it's not down to the hour. 

~Give kids choices and autonomy by allowing them to "shop" in your pantry with play money. 

~Brain breaks during the day help children focus on school work and helps break up the day. Cosmic Kids Yoga 

~Positive Parenting Solutions- web-based parenting online course: Attention bucket and Power bucket. 

~Generation Mindful - emotional regulation tools. Choose a time-in rather than a time-out to avoid power struggles.
Create a Calming Corner, a time-in spot to go to process big feelings.  

~How We Love : Trauma-based book to figure out your love language. 

~Empowered to Connect : Great free resources on topics such as parenting aggressive behavior, managing stress and even fun topics like finding out your play personality (I found this especially interesting!).

~Big Life Journal : helps kids draw and write about their feelings

~Beyond Consequences

There are so many ways to have a family, and embryo adoption is a path to parenthood that may not even be on your radar!
We didn't know much about it either, so we found someone who does answer all our questions: Is it IVF? Adoption? A combination?
Our guest, Leigh, shares her story of growing her family this way after several failed fertility treatments.
Why she and her husband chose to adopt an embryo- and what that even means- will have you considering the many advantages for all involved.

For more information on embryo adoption and how it works, check out Nightlight and click on Snowflake Embryo Adoptions.

Sometimes you meet someone who inspires you and amazes you with their spirit and drive. Our guest Kelly Zarle is one of those people! She fired up to help foster children in the state of Florida, and determined to raise awareness of the need for more foster families.  

Kelly and her husband Aaron have three children, and are currently foster parents to two babies: a one-and-a-half year old and a newborn. They began their foster care journey a few years ago not knowing where exactly it would lead them. As she says, she just kept saying "yes" and her attitude has made a tremendous impact on many lives. 

Kelly is also currently the local Chapter Advocate of a group called Foster Florida, a group that organizes volunteers to help foster families by providing babysitting, meals and prayer. If you would like to find out how to volunteer your time to help one of the families in your community, click here.  After hearing this podcast interview with Kelly, we guarantee it will motivate you as well.  

In our last episode with Barbara from February 2019, we ended with their family waiting on final approval to go to Korea and meet their little girl!  In this episode we talk all about the journey that unfolded since then and how it all went down! 

Sometimes we wish our friends and family knew certain things about adoption... like, what not to say to people who are adopting! Well-meaning people often unknowingly use words in ways that aren't the most constructive. When it comes to questions, statements and assumptions, we have heard some interesting ones!

We've got some real life examples, as well as some suggestions for how people can rephrase common questions and statements to make everyone feel better.

And remember, when in doubt, laugh it off! At the very least it makes a good story.

Barbara Allen and her husband live in California with their two biological children, and their family is growing again as they are about to adopt a child from Korea!  When we spoke to her, they were in the last part of their wait to bring their daughter home. Barbara shares the reasons they selected Korea, how they were finally matched, and their next steps in the process. 

Mentioned in this episode:

AAC Adoption in Colorado (Barbara's agency)

Holt Adoption (founded the Korean adoption process)