In this episode of So I Married a Relationship Expert, Zach and Laura get personal with Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt—relationship experts who don’t just teach about marriage, they live it. Get ready for an intimate look at the ups and downs of their own marriage. Spoiler: it wasn’t all smooth sailing!

Harville and Helen open up about the times they nearly got divorced—twice! At one point, they even had divorce papers ready to go. But what saved them? They teach couples the very same techniques around the world. You’ll hear how a random trip to a bookstore and a “zero negativity” experiment helped them find their way back to each other. Helen also shares a funny story about trying to "fix" Harville by reorganizing his books and closet—only to realize she was driving him crazy!

From learning to approach frustrations with curiosity instead of criticism to recommitting in a powerful New Year’s Eve ceremony, their journey is full of relatable moments and inspiring takeaways. It’s a beautiful reminder that even experts have to work on their relationships, just like the rest of us.

What You’ll Learn:

• How Harville and Helen used their own tools to avoid divorce—twice!
• The story of their “zero negativity” pact and how it transformed their relationship.
• Why curiosity and asking your partner the right questions can change everything.
• The power of recommitment—even after decades together.

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In this first special episode of "So I Married a Relationship Expert", Zach and Laura sit down with Dr. Ellyn Bader and Dr. Peter Pearson, co-founders of The Couples Institute. This conversation dives deep into the dynamics of relationships, focusing on the developmental stages of couples therapy, the power of differentiation, and essential skills to strengthen partnerships. Known for pioneering the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy, Ellyn and Peter share invaluable insights into managing differences, fostering curiosity, and cultivating long-term relationship growth.

Topics discussed include:

• The unique journey of Ellyn and Peter, from their chance meeting to building a thriving partnership and business.
• Key relationship stages, including the often-overlooked "differentiation stage."
• How curiosity and resilience are fundamental to a healthy, growing relationship.
• The transformative power of mini-intensives and two-day intensives for couples, especially for entrepreneur couples.
• Practical exercises for couples to manage conflict, deepen understanding, and support each other's dreams.

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Zach embarks on a new chapter as the solo host of the podcast following Laura’s departure. Reflecting on the past seven years, Zach expresses gratitude for the journey and shares his excitement for the future. He introduces fresh ideas, including new interviews, experimental formats, and thought-provoking content, all designed to continue the mission of helping listeners think differently about relationships while offering practical tools for growth.

Zach also outlines his vision for the podcast’s future, emphasizing his commitment to creating valuable and engaging content. He reflects on his own relationship, drawing on personal experiences to explore themes of growth, intentionality, and adaptation in partnerships. With humor, sincerity, and a forward-thinking perspective, this episode marks the beginning of a new era for Marriage Therapy Radio.

Key Takeaways

• The Transition to a New Era
• Zach acknowledges Laura’s departure and shares his determination to continue the podcast’s mission of fostering insight and connection.
• He outlines upcoming content, including interviews with relationship experts and personal conversations with couples navigating marriage.
• The Philosophy of "I Never Thought About It That Way Before"
• Zach emphasizes the importance of encouraging listeners to see relationships in fresh and surprising ways.
• He recounts a recent marathon therapy session where this approach helped a couple gain new perspectives on their partnership.
• Practical Tools for Relationship Growth
• Zach shares three foundational principles for building healthy relationships:

1. Do more of what your partner likes and less of what they don’t.
2. Ask for what you want and practice gratitude when you get it—or adaptability when you don’t.
3. Focus on self-improvement and show up as your best self in the relationship.

• What’s Ahead for the Podcast
• Zach teases upcoming content, including interviews with couples, collaborative “boat night” episodes, and a three-week series with a therapist specializing in complex trauma.
• He invites listener feedback and encourages support through Patreon to help sustain the podcast’s growth.
• A Message of Gratitude
• Zach thanks listeners for their continued support and acknowledges the unique dedication it takes to invest in relationships and personal growth.

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Zach and Laura reflect on their seven-year journey together as co-hosts. Laura announces her departure from the podcast, sharing her gratitude for the experiences, growth, and connections she’s gained along the way. The episode is filled with nostalgia, humor, and thoughtful reflections as the two discuss their favorite episodes, memorable guest moments, and lessons learned from seven years of talking about relationships.

Zach and Laura also look ahead to the new year, discussing resolutions, personal growth, and Laura’s plans to focus on her family and career. From New Year’s challenges to the importance of presence and connection, this final episode with Laura captures the essence of their partnership—insightful, warm, and filled with genuine camaraderie.

Key Takeaways

1. Reflections on Seven Years: Zach and Laura reminisce about their favorite episodes, guests, and moments of tension and humor that shaped their partnership.
2. New Year’s Inspiration: Laura discusses her plans to focus on intentionality and self-care in 2024, sharing ideas like daily walks in nature and seven-day challenges for personal growth.
3. Lessons on Relationships: The duo emphasizes the importance of communication, reflection, and making space for growth in relationships—whether with a partner, friends, or oneself.
4. A Message to Listeners: Laura leaves listeners with encouragement to continue focusing on their relationships and striving to be the best versions of themselves.

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Zach and Laura explore the complexities of transitions, nostalgia, and holiday traditions. Laura is feeling proud of her proud of her gym routine, even if her husband hasn't noticed. Meanwhile, Zach recounts nostalgic moments from a recent trip to his hometown, emphasizing how revisiting the past can offer clarity and a sense of grounding.

The conversation also dives into “sliding door” moments, those pivotal decisions that shape our lives. Laura reflects on turning down a high-powered job at Microsoft to pursue a life filled with love, adventure, and personal growth. Zach, on the other hand, ponders alternate paths and how they’ve led him to the life and family he cherishes today. This episode is a blend of humor, heartfelt moments, and meaningful reflections on how we embrace change and the lives we’ve chosen.

1. Reflections on Nostalgia Zach recounts a recent trip to his hometown, filled with memories of childhood friends, old haunts, and transformative moments that shaped his perspective.
2. Sliding Door Moments Both hosts reflect on the life-changing decisions they’ve made, from career moves to relationship choices, and how those decisions created the lives they now cherish.

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Zach and Laura kick things off with their signature banter, sharing personal stories from their week. Zach recounts his recent trip to Chicago, sharing about connecting with an old friend and nerding out about superheroes. Laura recounts her excitement about seeing Wicked with her son, reflecting on the joy of revisiting experiences that remind us to embrace wonder and connection.

As the conversation transitions, Zach and Laura tackle the nuanced topic of manipulation versus boundaries in relationships. What’s the difference between expressing your needs and attempting to control your partner’s behavior? They explore how manipulation often sneaks in when communication breaks down and how healthy, collaborative boundaries can strengthen relationships.

Laura opens up about a time early in her marriage when she used the silent treatment as a manipulative tactic to get her way. She admits, “I thought I was being clever, but really, I was just shutting my partner out.” Zach shares how guilt and unclear communication led to his own missteps in creating healthy boundaries. They explore common examples—emotional, time, financial, and physical boundaries—illustrating how small changes can lead to healthier dynamics.

The episode balances humor, personal anecdotes, and expert insights as Zach and Laura share practical strategies for recognizing manipulation, fostering intentional communication, and setting clear boundaries that honor both partners' needs.

Key Takeaways

1. Manipulation vs. Boundaries:

• Manipulation seeks to control behavior by exploiting emotions, guilt, or fear.
• Boundaries are clear, respectful expressions of needs and limits to protect well-being without forcing a partner’s behavior.

1. Recognizing Unhealthy Tactics: Examples of manipulative behavior include silent treatment, ultimatums, threats, love bombing, and triangulation (using a third party to create jealousy or tension).
2. Why Manipulation Happens: When couples fail to communicate boundaries clearly, manipulative patterns often arise out of frustration, fear, or avoidance of direct confrontation.
3. Healthy Boundaries Require Collaboration: Healthy boundaries are created through mutual agreement, clear communication, and respect for each other’s needs and limits.

Sponsor:

Get 10% off your first month at BETTER HELP by visiting https://betterhelp.com/marriagetherapy

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Zach and Laura are joined by special guest Dr. Jeanne Michele https://drjeannemichele.com/, a relationship coach and author of The Infidelity Cure https://amzn.to/4g6QBSf. The trio delves into the complex topic of infidelity, exploring its emotional impact, the motivations behind it, and how couples can navigate the aftermath. Jeanne shares her professional insights, emphasizing the importance of understanding vulnerability factors that can lead to affairs and the paths to recovery for all parties involved: the betrayed partner, the involved partner, and the affair partner.

The conversation is rich with anecdotes, practical advice, and moments of levity, as Jeanne, Zach, and Laura reflect on the deeper needs driving infidelity and how couples can rebuild trust. From navigating the decision to disclose an affair to setting new boundaries and agreements, this episode offers a compassionate guide for those grappling with the complexities of betrayal and healing in relationships.

Key Takeaways:

1. Infidelity as a Crisis and Opportunity: Jeanne highlights how an affair, while painful, can serve as a wake-up call for couples to address neglected aspects of their relationship and potentially strengthen their bond.
2. Understanding Vulnerability Factors: External and internal factors, such as unmet emotional needs or personal insecurities, can create conditions where an affair might occur. Awareness and communication are key to mitigating these risks.
3. Navigating Disclosure: Jeanne and Laura discuss whether disclosing an affair is always necessary, emphasizing the importance of considering the motivations and potential impact of disclosure on the betrayed partner.
4. Healing Requires Individual and Joint Work: Rebuilding trust involves both partners reflecting on their values, setting clear boundaries, and working together to create a new, healthier relationship dynamic.
5. Support for All Parties: Jeanne discusses the importance of including the affair partner in the healing process, encouraging them to address their own patterns and emotional needs.

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Zach and Laura explore the theme of transitions in relationships and the importance of honoring life’s natural seasons. They share personal stories about changes in their own lives, from shifting priorities to redefining roles in work and family. Together, they discuss how relationships—whether professional, personal, or familial—are constantly evolving, and how embracing these transitions with grace can lead to deeper connections and personal growth.

The conversation highlights the significance of open communication, mutual respect, and self-awareness when navigating times of change. Zach and Laura offer insights into how couples and individuals can approach transitions thoughtfully, ensuring that shifts strengthen rather than strain their relationships. With humor, warmth, and vulnerability, this episode is a heartfelt reflection on growth, priorities, and the beauty of new beginnings.

Key Points:

1. Honoring Transitions in Relationships: Zach and Laura reflect on how relationships naturally evolve over time, emphasizing the importance of aligning actions with values during periods of change.
2. Shifting Priorities: They discuss how focusing on family, personal growth, or new commitments can reshape the way we allocate time and energy in our relationships.
3. Navigating Change with Grace: The hosts highlight the importance of open communication and mutual respect when facing life’s transitions, whether they’re planned or unexpected.
4. Lessons in Flexibility and Adaptation: Zach and Laura explore how embracing change with intention and flexibility can lead to stronger, more resilient relationships.
5. Looking Ahead: They encourage listeners to think about how transitions can be opportunities for growth, both individually and within partnerships, and to embrace the potential that new beginnings bring.

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Zach and Laura take a deep dive into the highs, lows, and unexpected lessons that come with weddings and the relationships they celebrate. Drawing from their own wedding stories—like Laura’s epic lightning-filled ceremony and Zach’s traditional Connecticut celebration—they explore how these milestone events can shape and reflect the dynamics of a relationship.

The discussion covers the importance of crafting meaningful vows, navigating family dynamics during wedding planning, and embracing the imperfections that inevitably arise. Zach and Laura emphasize how weddings can highlight relational strengths and challenges, serving as both a “before and after” moment in a couple’s journey. They also touch on the value of premarital counseling as a way to address potential hurdles before walking down the aisle.

Packed with humor, heartfelt advice, and practical insights, this episode is perfect for anyone planning a wedding, reflecting on their marriage, or simply looking for a fresh perspective on love and commitment.

Episode Highlights:

1. Reflecting on Personal Weddings: Zach and Laura share stories from their weddings, including Laura’s stormy outdoor ceremony with a lightning bolt photo and Zach’s traditional Connecticut celebration.
2. Making Vows Meaningful: They discuss the importance of writing vows that genuinely reflect your relationship, rather than sticking to generic scripts.
3. Navigating Family Dynamics: They both reflect on how family involvement—whether financial or emotional—can shape the wedding experience and bring hidden tensions to the surface.
4. The Role of Weddings in Relationships: Zach and Laura explore how weddings function as a “before and after” moment, highlighting the personal growth and relational shifts they can signify.
5. Advice for Engaged Couples: From embracing imperfections to focusing on shared values, Zach and Laura provide practical advice for making weddings meaningful and stress-free.

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Zach and Laura reflect on significant milestones and life lessons. Laura shares her journey of completing the New York Marathon, weaving in lessons about endurance, self-discovery, and how the physical demands of a marathon parallel the emotional effort required in relationships. Zach celebrates four years of sobriety, reflecting on how his journey has reshaped his relationships, health, and mindset.

The episode dives into themes of personal growth, resilience, and navigating difficult phases in life. Zach recites a favorite poem about marathons, illustrating how breaking down challenges into smaller, manageable parts can lead to long-term success. Laura reflects on her recent decision to quit alcohol, sharing the impact it has had on her physical and mental health, as well as her desire to model positive habits for her family. Together, they explore how embracing hard things—like running a marathon or choosing sobriety—can create space for joy, clarity, and meaningful connections.

The conversation also touches on the value of support systems, including friendships and therapy, and how intentional choices can lead to lasting positive change.

Episode Highlights:

1. Laura’s Marathon Journey: Laura shares her experience running the New York Marathon, focusing on how the lessons learned about pacing and persistence mirror challenges in relationships.
2. Zach’s Sobriety Milestone: Zach celebrates four years of sobriety, reflecting on how it has improved his relationships and health, and the lessons it has taught him about gratitude and self-awareness.
3. Overcoming the Firsts in Sobriety: They discuss navigating the “firsts” of sobriety—holidays, social events, and other triggers—and how these milestones contribute to long-term success.
4. Parallels Between Marathons and Relationships: Zach recites a poem about running a marathon, drawing parallels between breaking down physical challenges and overcoming relational hurdles.
5. Phases of Life and Relationships: Laura emphasizes the importance of recognizing that difficult phases—whether in parenting, relationships, or personal growth—are temporary and can be navigated with intention.

Sponsor:

Get 10% off your first month at BETTER HELP by visiting https://betterhelp.com/marriagetherapy

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Zach and Laura welcome relationship expert and mental health advocate Allison Raskin. They dive into her latest book, I Do, I Think: Conversations About Modern Marriage, exploring how marriage and commitment have evolved in today’s society. Allison shares insights into the “modern marriage,” discussing how relationships have shifted from traditional roles to more flexible, individual-focused commitments.

Allison opens up about her personal journey, including her past engagement and recent marriage, which shaped her views on love and relationships. She reflects on the importance of balancing individual needs within a partnership, the dynamics of choosing marriage when it’s no longer societally mandatory, and how to handle changes in relationship expectations. Together, they discuss concepts like emotional regulation, and how the flexibility of “modern marriage” allows for more intentional choices about commitment.

The conversation also covers different relationship models, such as non-monogamy, financial independence within marriage, and the significance of setting boundaries that meet each partner’s needs. Allison highlights the role of mental health in relationships and shares her journey from comedy to mental health advocacy. They wrap up with a fun chat about her YouTube channel and podcast, Just Between Us, which she co-hosts, and her Substack newsletter, Emotional Support Lady.

To explore more about Allison Raskin’s work, visit https://www.allisonraskin.com/, check out her latest book I Do, I Think here, and tune into her podcast Just Between Us https://www.youtube.com/c/JustBetweenUs.

Episode Highlights:

1. Allison’s Journey to Relationship Expertise: Allison discusses her path from comedy to becoming a mental health advocate and relationship expert, sharing how her past relationships and personal challenges led her to study psychology.
2. Marriage as a Choice, Not a Requirement: Allison shares her perspective on marriage as an optional, personal choice, encouraging partners to approach it with intention rather than societal expectation.
3. Different Relationship Models: From non-monogamy to financial independence, they discuss how modern relationships can take on various forms to meet the unique needs of each couple.
4. Rethinking Sexual Attraction in Long-Term Partnerships: Allison offers advice on rekindling attraction by intentionally creating environments that foster connection, rather than expecting spontaneous desire.

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