David Waldman finally gets to complete a countdown! The US has only hours to go before it runs out of funding. Donald is trying to blame Joe, or Chip or maybe even Mike, but big boss Elon knows who’s really responsible… himself! It’s his most based lulz yet!

After tomorrow, no more money, except essential services, disaster relief, Mars missions, Russian yacht maintenance.… Nothing else!

Fascism was bad in the 1930s and 40s.  Could it be better this time… with AI? AI can lie faster, backtrack quicker, and deflect more effectively than any human can hope to, even with Maggie Haberman’s assistance. Of course, a tool for lying is still only a tool, Trump is an artist. When it comes to taking out Liz Cheney, why worry about the lives of other lies? 

So, how does the Resistance fight this? With FAFO – Focused Action, Focused Objectives… or you know, turn on, tune in, drop out.

Today, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin have stupid discussions about stupid people and stupid situations, because things have become pretty stupid lately.

It looked as if the United States was about to avoid a shutdown heading into Christmas vacation, when the boss of us all, Elon Musk, decided that his staff, Congress, wasn’t about to take an early break. So, Musk had his straw boss, Trump, have his trogs down at the stupid factory shift production into high gear. What can Mike Johnson do, when he’s already doing as little as possible? What can Democrats do, other than nothing to get in the way of Republican stupidity? (BTW, tell David Plouffe to post somewhere else other than Elon’s outhouse. How can you believe a thing you read there?) Musk opposes Infowars sale, because a big hunk of Alex Jones is his property.

Senator Chris Murphy warns that Elon’s Employee of the Month is destroying democracy with the assistance of the corporate media. While the US goes down, Chris applauds the improvements Syrians have implemented with their government. 

Meanwhile, Wisconsin chair Ben Wikler figures that if he sits down with those who destain him to talk to those who despise him, it might matter somehow.

The United States House Committee on Ethics isn’t half stupid and will release their report on Matt Gaetz while everyone’s hair is on fire about the other stuff. The DOJ got fabricated evidence against Hunter Biden more than five times… Who’s Hunter Biden again?

Wow, it’s the 5th anniversary of “Will Be Wild” day! Time flies!

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin help us face the challenges of our rapidly changing world through the power of cheery repartee.

Following his election win by 98 points or so, has D embarked upon a retribution tour or an authoritarian spree? Well, it turns out that retribution is only one of the many perks of authoritarianism.  Trump is now suing retired pollster Ann Selzer because she got on his bad side, but also because it’s fun. Liz Cheney actually made him really mad, so she is in for far more than a little civil suit.

As always, we can be thankful for Republican incompetence and rats-in-a-cage instincts. Congress has struck a deal to avert government shutdown, while Trump allies are busy trying to doge the deal. If they want a circular firing squad, the least Dems could do is offer to help pass the ammunition. (Follow Matt Glassman on Blue Sky.) Victoria Spartz, Queen of Chaos, hopes to be the Joe Manchin this time even as John Fetterman gives her a run for the title.

Good news: France has passed its stopgap budget bill! Now they can pay the guy who lifts the flag in Syria. (Follow Charles Lister on Threads.)

German Chancellor Olaf Scholz has lost a vote of confidence in the German parliament. Not so good news for Olaf, but also pretty bad for Germany and the rest of the free world. Finger pointers in Germany run the risk of running out of fingers. If members of the traffic light coalition can get along, maybe we all can.

You’d think that hunters firing up into the sky would be aiming at drones but no, they were hunting flying bears. It didn’t turn out well for any of the participants.

It’s Tuesday, and David Waldman finds himself again in front of the KITM Microphone, and we find ourselves listening. Isn’t it nice how some things just work out?

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez lost in the House Democrats' Steering and Policy Committee vote to lead the House Oversight Committee to Rep. Gerry Connolly, as AOC apparently proved no match for Gerry’s high-energy boyish charm and… wait, I have been told that Gerry Connolly is actually some moustache and pair of dentures who’s been around for 20 years holding his place in line… Yes, it does seem that seniority is highly valued by those senior citizens who still wield the levers of power, although wielding a TV remote might be too big an ask… Nonetheless, AOC still has hope and is still out there fighting for the position. David reminds us to follow the money if we want to see the way things could and should go… and yet that also would lead one to see AOC as the frontrunner... Ah well, perhaps the young up-and-commers should wait until they’re a bit more elder out-and-goers before they take the reins.

Other countries have found different solutions to rotating out their personnel. The German government will follow France’s lead and will now try collapsing for a spell. South Korea and Canada are looking a little winded as well.

You know who’s living his best life? The guy who sees life as a zero-sum game. He’ll now probably sue Judge Juan Merchan for a billion dollars. Many MAGA trust that Trump will be the lying SOB that they elected. Some hope and pray that he will be. Most quit caring before they pocketed their voting booth pen. That pretty much only leaves us to give a damn that Alexander Smirnov pleaded guilty to framing Joe and Hunter Biden for Burisma. Or that the Fox weekend host’s bodyguard likes to beat up Mexican-looking Middle Easterners… or Middle Eastern-looking Mexicans, whatever. Or that his one low-silicone daughter’s baby daddy’s baby daddy’s net worth is set to rise from the lower single digit to the lower nine digits over the next four years.

Abundant Life Christian School went against each of the principles in its name until a bad 15-year-old with a gun’s shooting spree was stopped by a good 12-year-old with a cellphone. Expect that kid caught with the cellphone to face strict discipline.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin figure out the latest news, opinions, and where to scrape up the $1 million for that check that we need to send out at the end of the month.

Hamas admits that their decision to attack a gathering of left-wing Israelis on October 7 couldn’t have turned out worse if Bibi came up with the idea himself. President Joe Biden takes credit for Bashar al-Assad’s sudden Russian vacation and might even bomb a few ISIS on his way out.

Remember Joe Biden? Remember the Democrats? Whatever happened to those guys? They spent $5 billion in ads to get people interested in honest government when it seems that people just want to see results, whether or not the results are honest, or advantageous. Dems just forgot to cater to the simple, stupid. Therefore, expect a lot of “why don’t cha” legislation, like getting rid of making people set their clocks ever again. Smart fascists microtarget their masses these days to save cash. All of this running around looking busy, still takes money however, and they’ll be running out of that this week.

France’s Macron as well is being forced to do the big things over the little things as incrementalism is tossed out around the globe.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez wants to lead the House Oversight Committee but will have to go through Nancy Pelosi to get it.

Meanwhile, Tiffany Trump’s baby daddy daddy works for his own father-in-law at a company turning a mid 5 figure profit, so he’ll be making a big move up if he can hang out with Jared Kushner and learn a thing or two.  Trump advisor Alex Bruesewitz, the guy who started the whole "Haitians are eating pets" thing, must have picked the wrong entree at the Young Republicans Gala, passing out on stage. Trump called in to assure Alex, “Izzim a good boy? Yes! Alex izza good boy!” (Their catering choice could have been worse.)

David Waldman is here with the Friday KITM, and also somewhere else entirely, all through the magic of “technology”…  And, now for our discussion of “cryptocurrency”:

How big a scam is cryptocurrency? It is so big that Eric Trump promises that his dad will become the most procrypto president in the history of America. Crypto, in fact could be the ultimate pyramid scheme, as it’s multilevel marketing with no levels, just a big pile of cash going to first person who grabs it when the other suckers’ greed makes them hold out too long. It’s perfect, all of the overhead is paid by chumps who believe all the others will be the chumps! Its only possible enemy could be regulation… 

That would be the Securities and Exchange Commission, who will soon be shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in this establishment. That is, if there were someone to regulate them.

It seems that someone just might be the “Person of the Year”, recently witnessed sharing the parable of The Poor Woman and the Three Apples to his followers gathered inside of the national Temple of Money Changers. Why would Trump choose the low bar of being this country’s Mao, when he can aim for Ceasar, or higher?

Meanwhile, pity the poor Democrats fighting for President Joe Biden’s legacy. Think of the history Joe could make as the President who finally helped achieve certification for the Equal Rights Amendment to the Constitution!

David Waldman knows what tomorrow’s pre-recorded KITM is about but isn’t telling.  He trusts Greg Dworkin to keep mum, but didn’t tell me because everyone knows I’d just blab it all to you… like this:

Luigi Mangione was not selected as Time “Person of the Year”.  Luigi might not get another chance as why have another “Person of the Year” after this one? Why have another “year” after this one? Dictator cosplay is just like real as long as enough people believe. In fact, that is how all dictatorships work. (Follow Ben Wikler on Threads.) Trump appointed Governor-Senator Kari Lake as director of Voice of America. Well, he can’t do that, but he did.

Not enough people clapped to keep South Korean President Yoon Suk Yeol aloft. Opposition parties will just keep impeaching him until it sticks. Yoon caught social media brain rot, a disease plaguing the entire world.

Still-President Joe Biden commuted 1,500 sentences and issued 39 pardons yesterday. KITM staff aren’t included, but still hopeful.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is poised to become the top Democrat on the House Oversight Committee. Ideology might not drive money, but it is best if it doesn’t turn it down.

The North Carolina Gop traded hurricane relief for Democratic power… and MTG thought Dems created hurricanes! In Washington, Gops want two reconciliation bills, prosperity for things they like, austerity for things they don’t.

Bulletin: Nighttime invaders have been sighted in the skies over Grovers Mill, New Jersey.  Reports indicate that Homeland Security has become involved as a State Senator calls for a state of emergency. More reporting as this story develops.

The majority of Brexit voters are getting tired of the “Brexit” part of that Brexit thing that they voted for.

"Catherine’s Learning Barn” is in remembrance of Sandy Hook school victims, and a celebration of their ideals.

David Waldman is back for more today and hopes you are too!

Is Luigi Mangione any less hot because he’s rich? Sure, more poor people shooting CEOs might seem more felicitous to some, but it takes money to become an anarchist in today’s society. One might say Luigi Mangione and Brian Thompson were just two rich criminals whose lifepaths crossed. However, if you prefer that your enraged criminals be authentically impoverished, you’re in luck, plenty are now on order.

Democrats got it wrong with Latinos and immigration. Few people chose solidarity when they can safely opt not to. Some rogue Harris staffers tried a little outreach, but why bother? Blacks and Latinos are always in the bag for us, right?

Most countries don’t prefer to elect fascists, criminals or idiots. Some do. Dems got it wrong there also. Kimberly Guilfoyle was named ambassador to the country that Don Jr. figured he’d have the least reason to visit, with the language Kim had the least chance to blab in. Anyhow, Silvio was busy.

Federal cutbacks might prevent Mitch McConnell from getting that Hoveround he needs.

Greg Dworkin hauls in another raft o’ stories from Syria. David Rothkopf (on Threads!) believes you need to know why Syria matters to you. Alex Simon slightly decomplexifies the Alawi strongholds of Latakia and Tartous. Charles Lister (also on Threads!) describes the expanding territories being captured by the HTS group. And, Haid Haid writes his second PhD thesis on the so far successful pragmatic terrorist group HTS governance model.

Ho! Ho! Ho! David Waldman counts down the days — only 40 until that one day of dictatorship!

It was him, Luigi! … Allegedly.  Luigi The Adjuster Mangione may not legally qualify for president in 2028 at only 34 years of age. Should that be held against him though? Luigi may have shot UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson, yet he’s no angel — he reads Ayn Rand and his parents like the opera… and Art Modell (shudder). All should deeply consider how this promising young man’s life went so terribly awry and take note… lots of notes.

Sure, Kash Patel, nominated for director of the FBI (Ministry of State Security), is an idiot, but he’s a useful idiot to both Putin and Trump, making him perhaps the world’s most useful idiot.  Kash hosted Kash’s Corner, which sounds like a 70’s kid show, but in this case Kash was both the host and the puppet.

Tulsi Gabbard is brought to you by Russia Today, and vice versa.

Trump’s such a family man that his crime family extends to the in-laws.

Alas, lickspittle Ric Grenell and his allies did not lick quite enough spittle. Maybe next time.

Senate Republicans are forced to spend all their time and money on the border crackdown, as anywhere else runs the risk of doing good.

Ah, the dawn of a bright new beautiful Monday! Well, somewhere, I guess. How about we take David Waldman and Greg Dworkin and check out some other countries for a while, for a breather?

Ordinarily, we would not be looking to the Middle East for inspiration, but suddenly Syria is standing for freedom. You’d hardly know about it from the American mainstream media… you’d hardly know anything from them… but there’s plenty of other sources to discover at Blue Sky, Threads, and you know… others. At exTwitter, there’s Tammam Aloudat’s positive assessment. There’s Alex Simon’s appraisal of the Syrian prison “system”. Threads has Charles Lister with the international repercussions emanating from Syria’s takeover by rebel forces. Blue Sky has more than just savvy individuals as well, it has an excellent news search.

Then there’s Romania. Romania, Romania, rhymes with Albania, which makes it easy to remember their tasty food, bawdy cooks, NOT chrome, and now election integrity, following a presidential vote recount after discovering Russian interference.

Ok, that’s the good news. Here are the takeaways from D’s Meet the Press interview, which unfortunately did not conclude with him being taken away. The kakistocracy has already filled the bowl up to the seat but isn’t close to stopping. The world’s most powerful traffic court lawyer, Alina Habba raises the number of blond leggy presidential advisors to “Austin Powers” levels. Journalist David Corn moves up a dozen slots on the administration shitlist with his history of Kash Patel, future director of the US Staatssicherheit.

David Waldman counts the days until our next big national funding crisis. Crises more than two weeks off seem like science fiction, don’t they? Won’t we have solved it with AI by then? AI might be a lousy search engine, but it will argue with you as well as any idiot. “Giving a woman an orgasm on purpose is gay” is not AI, but an actual idiot’s opinion. AI also could never have predicted what really motivated economically anxious Republicans in the election.

President Joe Biden will hopefully prioritize KITM staff pardons, but Liz Cheney and Anthony Fauci are probably first in line.

The "Deny, Defend, Depose" shooter is still at large, flashing his dashing Gyllenhaalian smile while cleverly changing his backpack color, number of coat pockets, and means of transportation to elude the authorities, as ballads are sung of his exploits. We are reminded that it’s unseemly to pattern one’s social movement on the acts of law breakers. Now someone else at United Healthcare will need to sign off on hundreds of millions in ransomware payments.

Devout breeder Elon Musk isn’t quite a devout Christian but is ok with you worshiping him. Elon sits at the right hand of Trump, because he outbid all of the other saviors. Musk spent $20 million on a fake “RBG” PAC, because the only thing more important that control to Elon is trolling.

Trump’s working on the budget as well, helping weed out any funding not going to an Elon Musk venture, even if it means firing Louis DeJoy. Instead of a gold standard, perhaps we can base our economy on pump and dumping meme stocks? Hawk Tuah!

House Republicans blocked release of the Matt Gaetz ethics report, because they can.  Democratic Representative Sean Casten might still force them to release it, though.