Living Beyond ADHD

Dr B - Barbara A. Cohen, Ph.D., MFT, innovative educator, coach and psychot

ADHD is one of the most researched yet least understood conditions of our time. Living Beyond ADHD host, Dr B, is here to explore relevant information that just isn't making it from the experts to the general public, and to close that gap. Those diagnoses missed in earlier years and made in adulthood, add many burdens to the discovery. Failed marriages, bankruptcy, unemployment, academic failure, underachieving, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and a deep mistrust of self, are just the tip of the iceberg. In order to live a happier, more productive and successful adult life in today’s world, you must learn the essential executive function skills and strategies. Those missing skills and strategies rather than just your ADHD could be what are driving your greatest challenges.

  • 33 minutes 6 seconds
    The Importance of Executive Function Pre-Skills – 120

    How often do you do the prep work for your tasks?  Do you know what I mean by prep work?  Most people I know really dislike the prep work and just want to get down to doing the task.  They even feel that the prep work is a waste of their time because it isn’t getting the job done.  And, they are short on time as it is, so this is just a non-essential thing to do.  But is it really?  Everything in life needs prep work and maintenance.  If you are the cook in your family or home, you need to prep the meal before you can make it and then eat it.  If you are going to work on an art project, you need to prep and make sure you have all the supplies you need for your project before you embark or you’ll be running out to the store or aborting the project when you find out that you don’t have what you need.  What about leading a meeting at work?  Do you just show up and talk, or do you need to prep for the meeting so you stay on topic for the purpose of the meeting and are clear on what you will present?  Like I said, prep work and maintenance is just part of life.

    Prep work can include many Executive Function skills or Executive Function pre-skills.  And, if you don’t have solid pre-skills, then building your Executive Function skills on a flimsy foundation isn’t going to get you sustainable results.  The 3 Executive Function pre-skills that I feel are essential are your relationship with time and how you manage yourself and time itself, procrastination and how you eliminate it from your life, and decision-making since you are making decisions every day, and sometimes all day long.  Do you trust yourself with time and the decisions you make?  Have you eliminated procrastination from your life?

    In this episode, I talk about: 

    • Executive Function pre-skills development

    • The importance of developing a dynamic plan with a strong foundation

    • What it's like to work with Dr B

    • And more! 

    Developing your Executive Function Skills and shifting your limiting beliefs is the fastest and most effective way to overcome ADHD limitations, find focus, gain confidence, and a newfound freedom in your life!  My mission is to put an end to the worldwide needless suffering of adults with ADHD and those with under-developed Executive Function Skills - whether from ADHD, chronic depression or anxiety, trauma, addictions, or chronic illnesses.  And, you don't need a formal diagnosis to know you need help developing these executive function skills in order to greatly reduce your suffering.   

    Episode Resources: 

     To Help The Show:  Subscribe at your favorite listening spot and my podcast player has social media links (icons) in the episode player so you can share episodes you love with others! 

    Please rate the show and leave a thoughtful review on iTunes so I know you're benefiting from the episodes.  The greater the number of reviews, the higher the ranking, and the easier it will be for others to find the show; people who also need this information.  

    Let's put an end to the worldwide needless suffering together!  We can do this!  

     

    24 May 2023, 12:31 am
  • 32 minutes 39 seconds
    Do you have the blueprints to build a new model of yourself? – 119

    Do you have the blueprints to build a new model of yourself?  One of my favorite quotes is by Buckminster Fuller, who said, “You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.”  Thinking along the same lines as Fuller, I realized years ago that with so much that happens on our journey from birth to adulthood, unless we build a new model of ourselves and then move into that new model, we will be fighting the existing reality and model of our earlier life and selves forever, and trying to “fix” the dysfunctional, rather than create anew. 

    If changing the outcomes in your life was as easy as learning some new skills or moving to a new place to start over again, then everyone who does it that way would be happy with their new outcomes.  It doesn’t work that way.  Wherever you go, there you are.  You are taking the existing model of who you have become up to now and attempting to shove new tools into that existing, dysfunctional model of you, and there is no room for this to happen.  You are a closed system that has what it has and functions as it does within that closed system.  You have to be willing to build a new model of yourself, for who you need to be or want to be, take the best from your existing model and move it over into your new model, and then release the rest of that original model because it is obsolete.  My phrase for that release is borrowed from Star Trek and is “beam me up Scottie.”  Since energy never dies, I don’t want to leave anything from the previous model of me, that is now obsolete, for me to slide back into at some point in time.  I am clear that model is obsolete and I have built a new healthy model and I want to live from the place of that new model, not the old, dysfunctional one.  This means we have to be able to let go of the old and embrace the new, and many have difficulty letting go of anything; especially the previous, outdated and dysfunction model of who they have been.

    In this episode, I talk about:

    • Building a blueprint for a new model of yourself
    • Why change is not just as easy as learning new skills
    • Common barriers to transformation
    • And more!

    Developing your Executive Function Skills and shifting your limiting beliefs is the fastest and most effective way to overcome ADHD limitations, find focus, gain confidence, and a newfound freedom in your life! My mission is to put an end to the worldwide needless suffering of adults with ADHD and those with under-developed Executive Function Skills - whether from ADHD, chronic depression or anxiety, trauma, addictions, or chronic illnesses.  And, you don't need a formal diagnosis to know you need help developing these executive function skills in order to greatly reduce your suffering.  

    Episode Resources:

      To Help The Show:Subscribe at your favorite listening spot and my podcast player has social media links (icons) in the episode player so you can share episodes you love with others!

    Please rate the show and leave a thoughtful review on iTunes so I know you're benefiting from the episodes.  The greater the number of reviews, the higher the ranking, and the easier it will be for others to find the show; people who also need this information. 

    Let's put an end to the worldwide needless suffering together!  We can do this! 

    17 May 2023, 11:03 am
  • 37 minutes 22 seconds
    Are You Prone to Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD)? – 118

    Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria or RSD is a hot topic these days.  It is one manifestation of emotional dysregulation, which is a common but misunderstood and under-researched symptom of ADHD in adults.  Individuals with RSD feel unbearable pain (physical and emotional) as a result of actual or perceived rejection, teasing, or criticism.  And, this symptom is not alleviated with cognitive or dialectical behavior therapy.  I’ve read that this symptom is attributed to a different brain structure, a sensitivity that is different than just being a highly sensitive person, and as with the treatment of ADHD itself, medications such as ADHD medications or antidepressants are often given in the hopes that they will lessen the pain. 

     

    A significant percentage of adults never find any effective ways to manage or cope with the pain.  So, what do adults do when they are in unbearable pain?  What comes to mind is self-medicate the pain so they can at least do what needs doing in their life.  This could be drink, drug, spend, eat, etc., to escape the pain.

    When I read about rejection, it appears to be the intentional act of refusing to accept, approve or support something or someone such as refusal to show someone love or kindness; refusal to accept someone.  Rejection is the act of not giving someone the love and attention they want and/or expect.

    In this episode, I talk about:

    • The unbearable physical or emotional pain of rejection
    • The difference between RSD and ADHD
    • What it takes to transform from the inside out
    • And more!

     

    Developing your Executive Function Skills and shifting your limiting beliefs is the fastest and most effective way to overcome ADHD limitations, find focus, gain confidence, and a newfound freedom in your life!

    My mission is to put an end to the worldwide needless suffering of adults with ADHD and those with under-developed Executive Function Skills - whether from ADHD, chronic depression or anxiety, trauma, addictions, or chronic illnesses.  And, you don't need a formal diagnosis to know you need help developing these executive function skills in order to greatly reduce your suffering.

     

    Episode Resources:

      To Help The Show:Subscribe at your favorite listening spot and my podcast player has social media links (icons) in the episode player so you can share episodes you love with others!

    Please rate the show and leave a thoughtful review on iTunes so I know you're benefiting from the episodes.  The greater the number of reviews, the higher the ranking, and the easier it will be for others to find the show; people who also need this information. 

    Let's put an end to the worldwide needless suffering together!  We can do this! 

    11 May 2023, 9:07 pm
  • 48 minutes 48 seconds
    Does Your Rambling Make the Point? - 117

    I often hear from many accomplished adults that they feel like imposters.  They have been able to hold things together and advance in their career, yet the toll on them is huge.  They have created workarounds to get the job done but fear being found out.  Work takes so much time and leaves little if any time for pursuing their dreams, hobbies or even cherished time with family and friends.  Over time, their self-confidence and happiness has disappeared.  Enter… imposter syndrome.    In order to feel confident, you need to be competent in those areas of life you created workarounds for.  In other words, competence  confidence. 

     

    Many adults ramble when they speak.  I used to.  I didn’t have a target; I just started talking and hoped I would make sense to those listening if I just said enough.  To ramble on is to speak or write at length and with many digressions, such as rambling on for a couple of hours and your listeners become restless.  Rambling uses up a lot of time, effort and energy – whether talking or writing.  Rambling on is an expression of disorganization or confusion in thinking.

     

    Does it take you a while to get to the point in a conversation or presentation?  Do you feel the need to provide all the details you can possibly think of when you are explaining something to someone?  Have you ever thought your rambling or excessive explaining was a sign of executive function skill deficits?  In this episode, I talk about:

    • Excessive rambling
    • Strategies to improve your communication
    • How to develop organized thinking and an organized mind
    • And more!

    Developing your Executive Function Skills and shifting your limiting beliefs is the fastest and most effective way to overcome ADHD limitations, find focus, gain confidence, and a newfound freedom in your life! 

     

    My mission is to put an end to the worldwide needless suffering of adults with ADHD and those with under-developed Executive Function Skills - whether from ADHD, chronic depression or anxiety, trauma, addictions, or chronic illnesses.  And, you don't need a formal diagnosis to know you need help developing these executive function skills in order to greatly reduce your suffering. 

    Developing your Executive Function Skills and shifting your limiting beliefs is the fastest and most effective way to overcome ADHD limitations, find focus, gain confidence, and a newfound freedom in your life!

     

    My mission is to put an end to the worldwide needless suffering of adults with ADHD and those with under-developed Executive Function Skills - whether from ADHD, chronic depression or anxiety, trauma, addictions, or chronic illnesses.  And, you don't need a formal diagnosis to know you need help developing these executive function skills in order to greatly reduce your suffering.

     

    Episode Resources:

     

    To Help The Show:Subscribe at your favorite listening spot and my podcast player has social media links (icons) in the episode player so you can share episodes you love with others!

    Please rate the show and leave a thoughtful review on iTunes so I know you're benefiting from the episodes.  The greater the number of reviews, the higher the ranking, and the easier it will be for others to find the show; people who also need this information. 

    Let's put an end to the worldwide needless suffering together!  We can do this! 

     

     
    1 May 2023, 7:45 pm
  • 25 minutes 58 seconds
    You Don’t Need a Diagnosis or Medication to Get Results - 116

    I’ve been giving a lot of thought to what is commonly believed to be the process we adults need to go through if we suspect ADHD.  That process takes time and money.  And depending on what part of the world you live in, your access to a specialist may be limited.  For that reason or others, many adults are self-diagnosing these days.  Some are questioning what having an official diagnosis will give them that a self-diagnosis won’t. 

    The answer to that question is simple – potentially a lot of valuable information beyond just ADHD since by the time you are an adult, ADHD typically doesn’t occur by itself.  There could be depression, anxiety, codependency, addictions, learning differences or challenges, Irlen syndrome, underdeveloped executive function skills, sensory challenges and more.  Medication may be appropriate for some of these additional conditions as well as for ADHD if the main ADHD challenges are inattention, hyperactivity and/or impulsivity.  If the main challenges are executive function skill challenges due to underdevelopment, I haven’t seen medication alone be the answer without EF skill training.

    I have worked with many adults over the years who haven’t sought an official diagnosis because they knew that their executive function skills were lacking development for various reasons, and they knew they could do something about that without waiting for a diagnosis... 

     

    If you’re loving the podcast, you can get even more support by checking out the links in the show notes for free resources and transformative opportunities that are waiting for you.

    Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

    If you found value in this episode, please leave me a review on Apple Podcasts! Our mission is to help as many people as possible transform their lives, and when you leave a positive review, more people can find this podcast! Just click here to review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and tell me what your favorite part of the podcast is.  Thank you!

    Personal transformation is waiting for you, if it’s your time.  There are real solutions to the challenges you are experiencing, and they are available now.  Time is our most precious asset, and none of us have time to waste on solutions that don’t work.  I would love to help you realize a new freedom, that is…if that’s of interest to you.  Thanks for listening…  Until the next time…  Bye for now…

    14 March 2023, 11:21 pm
  • 41 minutes 33 seconds
    I Know How Hard It Is and I Can Help You - 115

    This episode is a little different than most.  It’s kind of a public service announcement - a message in the public interest that is meant to raise awareness about an important issue and change behavior.  This episode is dedicated to you, my listeners.

    The topic was inspired by a few emails I received this week, and they brought back the strong feelings I have about what I have been called to do and why I continue to pour my heart and soul into this calling.  Every day someone emails me with information about their challenges, how hard their life is, and the help they are looking for.

    This worldwide pain and suffering must stop!  I know I talk about executive function skills a lot and point to them as the solution – and that is because they are.  The multitude of symptoms that you all are experiencing are coming from your underdeveloped EF skills and pre-skills plus your limiting beliefs and your outdated identities, and typically a mixture of all of this.  I say this with absolute conviction of this truth...

    Developing your Executive Function Skills and shifting your limiting beliefs is the fastest and most effective way to overcome ADHD limitations, find focus, gain confidence, and a newfound freedom in your life!

    My mission is to put an end to the worldwide needless suffering of adults with ADHD and those with under-developed Executive Function Skills - whether from ADHD, chronic depression or anxiety, trauma, addictions, or chronic illnesses. And, you don't need a formal diagnosis to know you need help developing these executive function skills in order to greatly reduce your suffering.

    If you’re loving the podcast, here’s how to get even more support:  check out the links in the show notes for transformative opportunities that are waiting for you.

    • AIA-FS Executive Function Program Information: https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/AIA
    • Free PDF - 13 Signs Weak Executive Functioning Is Holding You Back:  https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/Executive-Function
    • The Transformation Club – the affordable community for EF training:https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/ttcprogram
    • Grant assistance page: https://www.drbarbaracohen.com/financial-assistance
    • Book your strategy call or call to get your questions answered: https://go.oncehub.com/AIAStrategyCall
    10 February 2023, 12:28 am
  • 37 minutes 7 seconds
    Are your Underdeveloped EF Skills Hurting Your Marriage - 114

    Whether you are dating, are in a committed relationship, living together or married, your well-developed Executive Function Skills make a difference in many aspects of your relational life.  And, even though I focus on helping you develop your Executive Function Skills for yourself, that does not mean that their development isn’t essential for a healthier and happier marriage.  Let me explain. 

    When we enter a relationship, we bring whoever we are and whatever is part of us with us.  If there is depression or anxiety or ADHD or an addiction or trauma or other issues, they come with us.  We are each an entity unto ourselves and a third entity is created when we come together, which is the relationship or marriage.  In order to maximize the opportunity for the best of ourselves to be what creates the relationship, we need well-developed Executive Function Skills...

    Developing your Executive Function Skills and shifting your limiting beliefs is the fastest and most effective way to overcome ADHD limitations, find focus, gain confidence, and a newfound freedom in your life!

    My mission is to put an end to the worldwide needless suffering of adults with ADHD and those with under-developed Executive Function Skills - whether from ADHD, chronic depression or anxiety, trauma, addictions, or chronic illnesses. And, you don't need a formal diagnosis to know you need help developing these executive function skills in order to greatly reduce your suffering.

    If you’re loving the podcast, here’s how to get even more support:  check out the links in the show notes for transformative opportunities that are waiting for you.

     

    Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

    If you found value in this episode, please leave me a review on Apple Podcasts! Our mission is to help as many people as possible transform their lives, and when you leave a positive review, more people can find this podcast! Just click here to review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and tell me what your favorite part of the podcast is.  Thank you!

     

    And, if you’re ready to stop your needless suffering, I look forward to welcoming you into the ADDventures In Achievement Foundational Skills program or seeing you inside The Transformation Club.  Be sure to check out these opportunities in the show notes.  Personal transformation is not exclusive to me; it’s happening for my students every day.  There are real solutions to the challenges you are experiencing, and they are available now.  Time is our most precious asset, and none of us have time to waste on solutions that don’t work.  I would love to help you realize a new freedom, that is…if that’s of interest to you.  Thanks for listening…  Until the next time…  Bye for now…

    31 January 2023, 8:15 pm
  • 29 minutes 29 seconds
    Eating an Elephant; One Bite at a Time - 113

    Desmond Tutu once wisely said that “there is only one way to eat an elephant: a bite at a time.” What he meant by this is that everything in life that seems daunting, overwhelming, and even impossible can be accomplished gradually by taking on just a little at a time.

    Robert Maurer, Ph.D. tells us in his book, “One Small Step Can Change Your Life – The Kaizen Way” that small steps bypass your brain’s built-in resistance to new behavior. Kaizen means improvement and moreover it means continuing improvement in personal life, home life, social life and working life. With one small step or 15-minutes a day every day, your brain doesn’t react as if it’s a threat but rather it’s more like saying that you can’t possibly achieve much with just one small step or just 15-minutes a day and the truth is you can if you are consistent every day with your 15-minutes or one small step. Yes, this way of life every day can change your life in big ways over time... 

    Developing your Executive Function Skills and shifting your limiting beliefs is the fastest and most effective way to overcome ADHD limitations, find focus, gain confidence, and a newfound freedom in your life!

    My mission is to put an end to the worldwide needless suffering of adults with ADHD and those with under-developed Executive Function Skills - whether from ADHD, chronic depression or anxiety, trauma, addictions, or chronic illnesses.  And, you don't need a formal diagnosis to know you need help developing these executive function skills in order to greatly reduce your suffering.

    Episode Resources:

    • Follow me on Instagram and enjoy relevant resources

     

    To Help The Show: Subscribe at your favorite listening spot and my podcast player has social media links (icons) in the episode player so you can share episodes you love with others! 

    Please rate the show and leave a thoughtful review on iTunes so I know you're benefiting from the episodes.  The greater the number of reviews, the higher the ranking, and the easier it will be for others to find the show; people who also need this information.  

    Let's put an end to the worldwide needless suffering together!  We can do this!

    17 January 2023, 1:46 pm
  • 30 minutes
    Procrastinate No More – 112

    Procrastination is simply the act of delaying or postponing something; nothing more. Most people think of procrastinating as a negative thing. We procrastinate on filing our taxes, paying our bills, keeping our homes tidy, returning phone messages and responding to important emails. We even procrastinate on making plans for our summer vacations. These are all just the act of delaying or postponing something; nothing more. It’s just a behavior. And, we can use this behavior for good or harm; it’s up to us. Most use it for harm.

    The issue isn’t really about procrastinating – the act of delaying or postponing something – it is about when we do it and why.

    If you are a procrastinator, do you procrastinate at the beginning, in the middle, or at the end of a task or project? And, is the reason for your procrastination because you are missing information you need to start or continue or finish up? Or, is it because you can’t get yourself to take action on things when you need to be taking action? You know what you need to do and even how to do it. You have all the resources to take action, and yet you don’t. We are feeling-driven people and often don’t take action because we don’t feel like it. Translating this, I mean that the feeling we need to take action isn’t there when we need it to be. And the advice isn’t – “just do it” – because you would if you could and you can’t. Instead, it’s learning the EF skill of Shifting your state so that no matter what you are feeling when the time comes to take action, you can shift yourself into the state of being or feeling so you take action... 

    Developing your Executive Function Skills and shifting your limiting beliefs is the fastest and most effective way to overcome ADHD limitations, find focus, gain confidence, and a newfound freedom in your life!

    My mission is to put an end to the worldwide needless suffering of adults with ADHD and those with under-developed Executive Function Skills - whether from ADHD, chronic depression or anxiety, trauma, addictions, or chronic illnesses.  And, you don't need a formal diagnosis to know you need help developing these executive function skills in order to greatly reduce your suffering.

    Episode Resources:

    • Follow me on Instagram and enjoy relevant resources

     

    To Help The Show: Subscribe at your favorite listening spot and my podcast player has social media links (icons) in the episode player so you can share episodes you love with others! 

    Please rate the show and leave a thoughtful review on iTunes so I know you're benefiting from the episodes.  The greater the number of reviews, the higher the ranking, and the easier it will be for others to find the show; people who also need this information.  

    Let's put an end to the worldwide needless suffering together!  We can do this!

    10 January 2023, 11:23 pm
  • 31 minutes 40 seconds
    Laying a Solid Foundation with Executive Function Pre-Skills – 111

    Hi Aspiring Achievers, 

    There is a serious, widespread problem with the educational requirements in the mental health field.  Most professionals are studying the same outdated information about ADHD, Depression, Anxiety, Trauma and Addictions in preparation for licensure. They aren’t studying what happens to your executive function development because of those conditions. 

    The most common treatment recommended for adults with ADHD is medication, and the same is true for Depression and Anxiety.  Unfortunately, medication alone isn’t the best solution, and for many of you, it isn’t a good option at all.  Many of your life experiences pull the energy that is supposed to be going into the development of your executive function skills and channel it elsewhere.  This could have led to the diagnosis of depression, anxiety, trauma, addictions, chronic illnesses as well as ADHD.  So, no matter what diagnoses you have collected along the way, there are no skills in pills, and we need to focus on developing our executive function skills if we hope to live a full and fulfilling life.  From the time we are born, we develop skills–we learn to walk and talk, to read and write, to bathe and dress.  These are all skills.  And as we get older, we learn more complex skills such as organizing our thinking as well as our possessions, planning our playdates and the time we need to complete our schoolwork...

    Developing your Executive Function Skills and shifting your limiting beliefs is the fastest and most effective way to overcome ADHD limitations, find focus, gain confidence, and a newfound freedom in your life!

    My mission is to put an end to the worldwide needless suffering of adults with ADHD and those with under-developed Executive Function Skills - whether from ADHD, chronic depression or anxiety, trauma, addictions, or chronic illnesses.  And, you don't need a formal diagnosis to know you need help developing these executive function skills in order to greatly reduce your suffering.

    Episode Resources:

    • Follow me on Instagram and enjoy relevant resources

     

    To Help The Show:

    Subscribe at your favorite listening spot and my podcast player has social media links (icons) in the episode player so you can share episodes you love with others! 

    Please rate the show and leave a thoughtful review on iTunes so I know you're benefiting from the episodes.  The greater the number of reviews, the higher the ranking, and the easier it will be for others to find the show; people who also need this information.  

    Let's put an end to the worldwide needless suffering together!  We can do this!

    30 December 2022, 12:21 am
  • 30 minutes 55 seconds
    Toxic Shame Keeps Executive Function Skills Underdeveloped – 110

    Toxic shame is a killer. It’s an internal message that tells you that you are defective, bad, wrong, and not valuable. Toxic shame isn’t personal; it’s like poison. It doesn’t matter who gives you the poison or who does the shaming, either one will eat away at you and take you down.

    And, when shame comes flooding in and causes us to retreat into ourselves, our transformation is put on hold while we navigate the toxic shame.

    Shame and guilt are different:

    Guilt tells me that I made a mistake.

    Shame tells me that I am a mistake.

    I definitely used to feel a lot of shame and wanted to erase myself from life.

    Over time, I learned how to change my mindset and develop the skills to eliminate the hold that shame had over me.

    Now, my life’s work is to pull others out of that same dark place and into a calm and competent life by sharing the exact roadmap I followed.

    Episode Resources:

    • The Transformation Club – A unique membership that helps adults with underdeveloped Executive Function skills (with or without ADHD) increase competence in days without overwhelm, moral judgements, or self-doubt so they can feel calm and in control. CLICK HERE to opt-in for the free training and learn more about The Transformation Club. 

     

    To Help the Show:

    Subscribe at your favorite listening spot and my podcast player has social media links (icons) in the episode player so you can share episodes you love with others! 

    Please rate the show and leave a thoughtful review on iTunes so I know you're benefiting from the episodes.  The greater the number of reviews, the higher the ranking, and the easier it will be for others to find the show; people who also need this information.  

    Let's put an end to the worldwide needless suffering together!  We can do this!  

    29 November 2022, 6:01 pm
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