The Hardcore Self Help Podcast with Duff the Psych

Robert Duff, Ph.D.

  • 24 minutes 53 seconds
    436: Facing Horrific Family Trauma & Finding Joy After Divorce

    In this episode, Dr. Duff takes on two powerful listener questions in a raw and compassionate Q&A format.

    The first question comes from a survivor of extensive childhood abuse, religious trauma, and complex family dynamics, who is wrestling with the decision of whether or not to publish a deeply personal memoir. Dr. Duff dives into the emotional, psychological, and ethical layers of this situation, offering validation, insight, and a heartfelt reminder that healing and storytelling can be acts of empowerment.

    The second question comes from a newly single parent facing feelings of loneliness and hopelessness after a recent divorce. After a disappointing family trip, they wonder if happiness is still possible in this new chapter of life. Dr. Duff breaks down the process of emotional adjustment, the importance of realistic expectations, and how small steps can lead to renewed hope and connection.

    As always, this episode is filled with empathy, nuance, and practical encouragement for anyone going through dark or uncertain times.

    Key Discussion Points

    • The complexities of publishing a memoir about trauma and abuse

    • Understanding the impact of complex PTSD and generational trauma

    • Navigating family threats and estrangement with personal boundaries

    • Grieving the loss of an idealized future after divorce

    • Why happiness doesn’t have to look how you thought it would

    • Tips for finding support and resilience as a single parent

    • The value of community, therapy, and chosen family

    Timestamps

    00:00 – Intro and personal update 03:00 – Content warning for the first question 04:05 – Listener story: Surviving severe childhood abuse and family rejection 07:00 – Dr. Duff reflects on complex PTSD and trauma recovery 08:30 – The power of isolation in abusive systems 10:00 – Complicated dynamics with the listener’s mother 11:30 – Should I publish my book about my trauma? 13:00 – Weighing the risks and benefits of publishing under a pseudonym 14:30 – Standing in your truth despite family pushback 15:00 – Listener story: Facing loneliness and doubt after divorce 16:30 – Grieving the version of life you hoped for 18:00 – Family disappointment and changing dynamics 19:30 – The importance of time and realistic expectations 21:00 – Children often remember things differently than we expect 22:00 – Challenging fatalistic thoughts about the future 23:30 – Modeling resilience and authenticity for your kids 24:30 – Final thoughts and encouragement

    Mentioned in This Episode Submit a Question

    Have a question you'd like answered on the show? Reach out any time:

    📧 Email: [email protected] 🌐 Website: duffthepsych.com 📷 Instagram: instagram.com/duffthepsych 📺 YouTube: youtube.com/@duffthepsych

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    11 April 2025, 2:23 pm
  • 27 minutes 33 seconds
    435: Moving Past infidelity & Coping with Sudden Medication Changes

    In this episode, I address two deeply personal listener questions that highlight the complex nature of anxiety and emotional healing in relationships.

    The first question comes from a listener who has struggled with anxiety for most of their life, recently facing severe limitations due to Generalized Anxiety Disorder and medication changes. We talk about the genetic components of anxiety, the risks of benzodiazepines in older adults, and the importance of advocating for the right care—even if that means seeking new providers or considering higher levels of treatment.

    The second question dives into the emotional fallout after infidelity. A listener is working to rebuild their marriage after their wife’s emotional and physical affairs but finds themselves overwhelmed by anger and trauma in the aftermath. I explore the importance of time, trauma-informed coping strategies, and how rebuilding trust is possible with consistent effort and support.

    Whether you're dealing with anxiety yourself or navigating complex relationship dynamics, this episode offers validation, practical advice, and hope.

    Key Discussion Points

    Question 1: Genetic Anxiety and Benzodiazepines

    • Anxiety can be partially genetic—up to 50% of risk may be inherited.

    • Environmental factors, early life experiences, and chronic stress also play key roles.

    • Long-term anxiety can even change brain structures like the amygdala.

    • Benzodiazepines such as Xanax and Klonopin can be risky for older adults, but abrupt changes in medication are harmful and inappropriate.

    • Importance of finding the right provider—psychiatric care may be more appropriate than primary care in severe cases.

    • Options like partial hospitalization, intensive outpatient programs, or even voluntary hospitalization if suicidal thoughts worsen.

    • Consideration of alternative treatments like TMS, ketamine therapy, EMDR, or comprehensive medical workups.

    • Encouragement and validation that meaningful change is possible—even later in life.

    Question 2: Healing from Infidelity

    • Emotional and physical infidelity can lead to feelings of inadequacy and intense emotional reactivity.

    • The resurfacing of past wounds during present-day arguments is a trauma response.

    • Healing takes time; both partners must commit to rebuilding trust.

    • Grounding, breathing, and self-regulation tools are essential in emotional moments.

    • Individual therapy and journaling can help process complex feelings and trauma.

    • Couples therapy with a specialist in infidelity recovery can provide structure and support.

    • It's possible to rebuild a stronger relationship—but it takes honest effort from both sides.

    Timestamps

    00:00 – Intro 01:12 – Listener question: Is anxiety genetic? 03:22 – Genetics vs. environment in anxiety development 05:10 – Medication history and benzodiazepine concerns for older adults 08:45 – Advocating for appropriate psychiatric care 12:30 – Suicidal thoughts and higher levels of support 14:50 – Exploring alternative and emerging treatment options 17:15 – Words of encouragement and validation 19:45 – Listener question: Coping with infidelity and feeling inadequate 21:20 – Emotional fallout and trauma from betrayal 24:10 – Regulating emotional responses during arguments 26:00 – The role of time, patience, and couples therapy 28:20 – Journaling and individual processing for long-term healing 31:10 – Rebuilding a stronger relationship after infidelity 33:00 – Closing thoughts and takeaways

    Resources & Links

    If today’s episode resonated with you, consider leaving a review or sharing it with someone who could use the support. Your stories and questions continue to make this podcast what it is—thank you for being here.

    Until next time, take care and keep pushing forward. You've got this.

    4 April 2025, 1:00 pm
  • 1 minute 28 seconds
    An Update From Robert

    Just a quick update! Back to regularly scheduled programming next week!

    28 March 2025, 3:26 am
  • 38 minutes 58 seconds
    Chapter From My NEW BOOK - Bipolar Answers

    Pre-Order Bipolar Answers https://www.amazon.com/Bipolar-Answers-Questions-Answered-Psychologist-ebook/dp/B0F1DW5WQZ/

    In this special episode, Dr. Robert Duff announces the pre-order launch of his latest book, Bipolar Answers: Questions from Real People Answered by a Real Psychologist. To celebrate, he provides listeners with an exclusive reading of the book’s introduction and one full chapter, giving a firsthand look at what to expect. This book is built from real questions asked on The Hardcore Self Help Podcast, expanded with deeper insights, case studies, and practical strategies for managing bipolar disorder.

    Dr. Duff shares details about the book’s structure, how it tackles common misconceptions, and why he felt compelled to write it. He also reads a powerful chapter about navigating college after a bipolar episode, offering valuable guidance on advocacy, accommodations, and resilience.

    Timestamps:

    • [00:00] – Introduction and book announcement: Bipolar Answers is now available for pre-order on Amazon!

    • [02:00] – What the book covers: real questions, practical answers, case studies, and clear explanations.

    • [03:00] – Full reading of the book’s introduction, covering the basics of bipolar disorder, diagnostic criteria, and case study of Olivia, a professional managing bipolar I.

    • [18:00] – Full chapter reading: Navigating college after a bipolar episode.

    • [24:00] – The importance of self-advocacy, understanding accommodations, and legal rights for students and employees with bipolar disorder.

    • [37:00] – Encouragement and final thoughts: Pre-order now and stay tuned for updates on the print and audiobook releases.

    Key Takeaways:

    • Bipolar Answers is designed to cut through misinformation and offer real, actionable advice.

    • Bipolar disorder is complex and often misunderstood—this book provides a clear and stigma-free breakdown.

    • Returning to school or work after a bipolar episode can be daunting, but knowing your rights and advocating for yourself can make all the difference.

    • The book includes real-life examples, diagnostic clarifications, and practical tools for individuals living with bipolar and those supporting them.

    Connect with Dr. Robert Duff:

    If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with someone who might find it helpful! Your support means the world.

    14 March 2025, 3:55 pm
  • 32 minutes 47 seconds
    433: Stuck in Trauma & Embarrassed by Emotional Reactions

    Episode 433: Navigating PTSD Triggers & Overcoming Shame

    In this episode of The Hardcore Self Help Podcast, I tackle two listener questions related to PTSD, trauma, and the emotional challenges that come with them. The first question is from someone who is deeply affected by their environment, living in a house that serves as a constant PTSD trigger. They want to move forward but feel completely stuck. The second question is about dealing with strong emotional reactions in public and the embarrassment that follows. I offer compassionate, practical advice to help both listeners begin taking steps toward healing and self-acceptance.

    What We Cover in This Episode:

    • Understanding why trauma responses persist and how they impact daily life

    • The role of avoidance in PTSD and how to begin addressing it

    • Practical strategies for tackling overwhelming life changes

    • How to communicate with a therapist about deeply buried trauma

    • The importance of seeking trauma-informed therapy and possible medication options

    • Exposure techniques for gradually confronting PTSD triggers

    • Journaling as a tool for processing trauma at your own pace

    • Overcoming embarrassment when experiencing emotional reactions in public

    • Using gratitude as a way to shift focus from shame to connection

    • Coping strategies to regulate emotions and build resilience

    Timestamps:

    00:00 – Introduction & request for listener questions 02:00 – Listener question: Living in a house that triggers PTSD 05:00 – Why trauma responses persist and the role of avoidance 10:00 – Communicating openly with a therapist about severe trauma 12:00 – Seeking trauma-informed therapy and medication considerations 16:00 – Making an actionable plan to move forward and sell the house 21:00 – Practical steps to start addressing home repairs and tasks 22:00 – Listener question: Managing PTSD emotional reactions in public 24:00 – Using gratitude to counter feelings of shame and embarrassment 27:00 – Grounding techniques and exposure exercises to build resilience 30:00 – The importance of seeking support from others 32:00 – Closing thoughts & listener engagement request

    Connect with Me:

    If you found this episode helpful, please consider sharing it with someone who might benefit. And as always, take care of yourself!

    7 March 2025, 2:37 pm
  • 1 hour 9 minutes
    432: What is High-Functioning Codependency? Terri Cole

    In this episode of The Hardcore Self Help Podcast, I sit down with the incredible psychotherapist and author, Terri Cole, to discuss high-functioning codependency, boundaries, and how we can break free from people-pleasing tendencies. Terri shares her own journey from working in the entertainment industry to becoming a therapist and how her personal struggles with boundaries led her to specialize in this area. We dive deep into the traits of high-functioning codependency, where it comes from, and actionable steps you can take to create healthier relationships and reclaim your inner peace.

    What We Cover in This Episode:

    • Terri’s journey from talent agent to psychotherapist

    • Recognizing high-functioning codependency in yourself

    • How childhood and societal expectations shape codependency

    • The role of self-awareness and therapy in breaking codependency patterns

    • Practical tools for overcoming codependent tendencies

    • The importance of setting boundaries and learning to say no

    • How to conduct a resentment inventory and why it’s helpful

    • Addressing difficult family dynamics around social and political issues

    • How Terri’s book, Too Much, can help you break free from codependency

    Timestamps:

    00:00 – Introduction to Terri Cole and her background 01:00 – How Terri transitioned from talent agent to psychotherapist 16:00 – Recognizing high-functioning codependency 25:00 – Childhood & societal influences on codependency 30:00 – The importance of self-awareness and therapy 39:00 – Practical tools for overcoming codependency 42:00 – Navigating difficult family dynamics 49:00 – Setting boundaries and learning to say no 52:00 – Conducting a resentment inventory 58:00 – How Too Much can help you break free

    Resources Mentioned: Connect with Me:

    If you found this episode helpful, please consider sharing it with someone who might benefit. And as always, take care of yourself!

    28 February 2025, 2:00 pm
  • 28 minutes 35 seconds
    431: Pathological Demand Avoidance & Persistent Low-Grade Depression

    Episode 431: Pathological Demand Avoidance in Coaching & Persistent Depression

    Welcome to another episode of the Hardcore Self Help Podcast with Dr. Robert Duff! In this Q&A episode, Dr. Duff tackles two insightful listener questions on very different but equally important mental health topics.

    Question 1: Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) in Coaching

    A listener working as an individual sports coach seeks advice on how to best support a talented but highly resistant student who displays signs of Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA). Dr. Duff dives into:

    • What PDA is and how it manifests in individuals, particularly in relation to autism, ADHD, and other neurodivergent conditions.

    • The importance of reframing PDA as a high drive for autonomy rather than defiance.

    • Practical coaching strategies to work around demand avoidance, including collaborative goal setting, offering choices, and making training sessions more engaging and playful.

    • The significance of open-ended questions and genuine curiosity in understanding the root of a student’s resistance.

    Question 2: Chronic Low-Grade Depression (Persistent Depressive Disorder)

    A listener describes their struggle with long-term, low-grade depression despite attempts with medication and therapy. Dr. Duff provides insights into:

    • Understanding Persistent Depressive Disorder (formerly known as dysthymia) and how it differs from episodic major depression.

    • Behavioral activation as a treatment approach, including strategies for identifying and engaging in potentially enjoyable activities despite a lack of motivation or pleasure.

    • The five-minute rule to help overcome resistance to activities.

    • Medication considerations, including alternatives like Wellbutrin (bupropion) and the combination drug Auvelity, which may have fewer side effects.

    • Non-medication treatments such as Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS) and ketamine therapy.

    • The importance of evaluating life circumstances to identify external contributors to chronic depression, such as hidden identity struggles or unsatisfying relationships.

    Chapters

    [00:00] Intro and updates on Dr. Duff’s upcoming bipolar book [03:00] Question 1: Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) in coaching [12:00] Strategies for engaging students with PDA [14:00] Question 2: Chronic low-grade depression and treatment options [19:00] Behavioral activation and the five-minute rule [23:00] Medication alternatives and non-pharmacological treatments [27:00] Life circumstances and their role in persistent depression [28:00] Outro and listener support requests

    Resources & Links

    Thank you for tuning in! If you found this episode helpful, please consider sharing it with a friend or leaving a review. Your support helps the podcast grow and reach more people who need it. See you next time!

    21 February 2025, 2:00 pm
  • 54 minutes 37 seconds
    430: The Truth About Recovery with Dr. Mala

    Episode 430: Integrative Approaches to Recovery with Dr. Malasri Chaudhery-Malgeri

    In this episode of The Hardcore Self Help Podcast, I sit down with Dr. Malasri Chaudhery-Malgeri, also known as Dr. Mala, to discuss her integrative approach to addiction recovery, rehabilitation, and mental health treatment. Dr. Mala shares her personal journey that led her into the field, the importance of holistic and individualized treatment, and how she has worked to break down barriers in accessing quality care.

    What We Cover in This Episode:

    • Dr. Mala’s personal journey into psychology and addiction recovery work

    • The challenges of pushing for integrative mental health care

    • How trauma informed her approach to treatment

    • The importance of cultural competence in mental health and recovery

    • Understanding addiction recovery as a non-linear process

    • The necessity of breaking isolation in the recovery journey

    • The evolving role of virtual therapy and accessibility in mental health care

    • How alternative and holistic approaches such as yoga, meditation, and adventure therapy are valuable in rehabilitation

    • The role of family and loved ones in supporting recovery

    • How to advocate for personalized treatment if current options aren’t working

    • Resources available through Recovery.com for both individuals and families

    Timestamps:

    00:00 – Introduction to Dr. Mala and her background 02:00 – How Dr. Mala entered the field of psychology and recovery 06:00 – Why she emphasizes integrative approaches in treatment 10:00 – Challenges in advocating for a holistic recovery model 12:00 – Misconceptions about addiction and recovery 16:00 – The importance of connection and breaking isolation 21:00 – Alternative therapeutic approaches that work 27:00 – The role of family and community in recovery 33:00 – Steps to take if current treatment isn’t effective 38:00 – Recovery.com and available resources 44:00 – Final words of wisdom for those struggling or supporting a loved one

    Resources: Connect with Dr. Mala: Connect with Me:

    If you found this episode helpful, please consider sharing it with someone who might benefit. And as always, take care of yourself!

    7 February 2025, 1:00 pm
  • 29 minutes 27 seconds
    429: Coping with the Cruel World & Enduring Heartbreak

    In this solo Q&A episode of the Hardcore Self Help Podcast, I answer two deeply personal and important listener questions. The first comes from a trans man struggling with the impact of anti-LGBTQ+ legislation, fear for his safety, and overwhelming feelings of hopelessness. We talk about tangible ways to navigate the stress of doomscrolling, finding community, and taking back control in uncertain times.

    The second question dives into the pain of heartbreak—specifically, the loss of a best friend after unrequited love. I discuss how to process grief, handle regret, and move forward when a relationship changes in ways you didn’t expect. Whether you're facing fear, loss, or uncertainty, this episode offers support, validation, and practical steps to help you through it.

    Chapters:

    00:00 — Intro: You Are Seen, You Are Valid 02:00 — Shoutout to the Finch App: A Fun Self-Care Tool 03:00 — Coping with Fear & Uncertainty as a Trans Person in a Hostile Climate 10:30 — Managing Doomscrolling & Social Media Overwhelm 14:00 — The Importance of Community & Seeking Safe Spaces 18:00 — Mental Health Resources & Seeking Support 19:00 — Handling Unrequited Love & The Pain of Heartbreak 22:30 — Why You’re Not to Blame for How Things Changed 24:00 — Navigating Grief & Loss in Relationships 27:30 — The Power of Solo Time & Rebuilding Your Life 29:00 — Closing Thoughts & Next Episode Preview

    Resources & Links:

    • Finch App – A self-care companion that makes mental health a little more fun! Download here • Trans Lifeline – www.translifeline.org | (877) 565-8860 • The Trevor Project – www.thetrevorproject.org | Crisis support for LGBTQ+ youth • Find a Therapist – www.psychologytoday.com

    About the Podcast

    I’m Dr. Robert Duff, a clinical psychologist and the host of the Hardcore Self Help Podcast. My goal is to break down mental health topics into real, relatable, and actionable advice. Whether it's tackling anxiety, navigating personal challenges, or discussing the latest in psychology, I’m here to help you thrive.

    Connect With Me:

    🌐 Website: www.duffthepsych.com 📷 Instagram: @duffthepsych 🎥 YouTube: Dr. Duff’s Channel

    💙 If this episode resonates with you, please rate & review the podcast, and share it with someone who might need it. You are not alone.

    #MentalHealth #LGBTQSupport #Heartbreak #CopingSkills #SelfCare #Doomscrolling #HardcoreSelfHelp

    31 January 2025, 2:00 pm
  • 1 hour 9 minutes
    428: Overcoming Self-Hatred with Dr. Blaise Aguirre

    In today’s episode of the Hardcore Self Help Podcast, I sit down with world-renowned psychiatrist, author, and DBT expert Dr. Blaise Aguirre to tackle the complex topic of self-hatred. As a pioneer in the treatment of borderline personality disorder (BPD) and adolescent mental health at McLean Hospital, Dr. Aguirre offers a compassionate and illuminating perspective on how self-hatred forms, why it’s so persistent, and how we can work toward healing.

    Dr. Aguirre explains why self-hatred is often learned early in life through invalidating experiences and abusive environments and why it differs from self-criticism or depression. He introduces practical tools to break free from self-loathing, such as identifying its roots, recognizing toxic relationships, and taking steps to separate identity from these damaging beliefs.

    We also discuss the challenges of treating patients with self-hatred, the transformative power of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), and how his latest book, I Hate Myself, provides a groundbreaking resource for those suffering from this deeply ingrained struggle.

    If you’ve ever wrestled with feelings of unworthiness or struggled to overcome negative beliefs about yourself, this episode is packed with strategies, hope, and actionable advice to help you move toward a healthier relationship with yourself.

    Chapters:

    00:15 — Introduction: Meet Dr. Blaise Aguirre 02:00 — From Philosophy to Psychiatry: Dr. Aguirre’s Career Path 07:30 — Understanding Self-Hatred: How It Develops and Why It Persists 15:00 — The Role of Validation in Parenting and Mental Health 20:45 — The DBT Approach: Why Skills-Based Therapy Works for BPD and Self-Hatred 27:00 — Breaking Down Self-Hatred: Separating It from the Self 34:20 — Overcoming Self-Hatred: Practical Tools and Steps for Healing 40:15 — The Importance of Compassionate Treatment in Mental Health Care 45:00 — A Sneak Peek Into I Hate Myself 50:20 — What Parents and Caregivers Need to Know 57:00 — Dr. Aguirre’s Final Thoughts on Healing and Hope

    About the Podcast

    I’m Dr. Robert Duff, a clinical psychologist and the host of the Hardcore Self Help Podcast. My mission is to break down complex mental health topics into relatable, actionable advice. On this podcast, we dive deep into mental health, personal development, and the strategies that help us thrive. Each episode features expert interviews, practical tips, and answers to listener questions, all designed to help you live a healthier, more fulfilled life.

    Guest Links: Connect With Me: Sponsored By:

    This episode is brought to you by NoCD, a leading provider of virtual therapy for obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). If intrusive thoughts and compulsions are impacting your daily life, NoCD offers specialized Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) therapy. To learn more about OCD and how NOCD Therapy can help, visit http://learn.nocd.com/hardcore.

    Hope you find this conversation as inspiring and thought-provoking as I did! Don’t forget to share your thoughts and takeaways in the comments.

    Tags:

    #MentalHealth #SelfHatred #BlaiseAguirre #DBT #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #SelfCompassion #TraumaHealing #Parenting #Mindfulness #SelfHelp

    24 January 2025, 1:00 pm
  • 26 minutes 58 seconds
    427: THE Guided Meditation you need for 2025

    In this special episode of the Hardcore Self Help Podcast, I lead you through a guided meditation designed to help you let go of mental burdens and find focus in an overwhelming world. Using visualization techniques and intentional breathing exercises, this meditation offers a space to acknowledge your stressors, release tension, and tap into a feeling of calm and clarity.

    This experience is set in a vivid mindscape of space, where you can imagine yourself aboard a futuristic spacecraft, surrounded by the beauty of the cosmos. Together, we’ll navigate through moments of recognition, release, and rejuvenation. By the end of this session, you’ll feel more centered and grounded, with a renewed connection to how you’d like to move forward.

    Whether you’re a seasoned meditator or new to mindfulness, this episode is a judgment-free zone to focus on yourself. Bookmark it to return to anytime you need a mental reset.

    Sponsor This episode is brought to you by NOCD, a leading provider of virtual therapy for obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). If you’re stuck in cycles of overthinking, compulsive behaviors, or intrusive thoughts, NOCD offers specialized treatment using Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP)—a gold-standard therapy for OCD.

    They provide virtual sessions with licensed therapists, accept many major insurance plans, and offer support between sessions to make treatment as accessible as possible.

    To learn more about OCD and how NOCD Therapy can help, visit http://learn.nocd.com/hardcore. For more insights on OCD and ERP, check out my interview with Dr. Patrick McGrath in episode 406 of this podcast.

    Chapters:

    • 00:15 — Introduction: Why This Meditation Matters
    • 03:00 — Sponsor: NOCD – Treatment for OCD Symptoms
    • 04:30 — Setting the Scene: Guided Visualization in Space
    • 08:00 — Acknowledging and Offloading Mental Burdens
    • 13:00 — Breathing for Release: Techniques to Let Go
    • 17:00 — Choosing Your Focus and Setting Your Intention
    • 19:30 — Relaxation Breathing and Body Scan
    • 25:00 — Final Reflections and Letting the Experience Settle

    About the Podcast I’m Dr. Robert Duff, a clinical psychologist and host of the Hardcore Self Help Podcast. My mission is to make mental health topics relatable and actionable. Whether through guided meditations like this one, Q&A sessions, or expert interviews, I aim to help you navigate life’s challenges with clarity and confidence.

    Connect With Me:

    Hashtags: #GuidedMeditation #Mindfulness #MentalHealth #Relaxation #StressRelief #SelfHelp

    17 January 2025, 1:30 pm
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