Today we’re going to talk about loneliness – and how one article I read drew some conclusions about it that made a lot of sense to me. One major point – we can’t or shouldn’t harken back to older times and think we need to create those now. That’s not the answer. Cell phones, virtual meetings or classes, working from home, pandemic hangover – none of that is going to go away. We’re not suddenly going to help a neighbor raise a barn or birth a baby. So we’ve got to understand there’s no going back and instead look forward to new ideas and solutions to address thie epidemic of loneliness. .

So, what is that solution? I’ll put in my two bits per normal here on SelfWork. And it has to do with not believing your thoughts but realizing that they may be painting a reality that’s simply not true.

Our voicemail today is from a listener in Australia – although her home is the US – and she describes going through a hard time – feeling alone – and how one of my podcasts on the good enough parent was helpful to her.

Vital Links:

The New York Times article by Matthew Shaer

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You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

Our Sponsors:
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Today, I'm excited to introduce SelfWork listeners to The Jordan Harbinger Show, which has become a regular listen on my walks. If you've been looking for another top rated podcast, we hope you'll give Jordan Harbinger a listen.

We're announcing a new CBT app, the Feeling Great App! ! It's founded by one of the forefathers of Cognitive Behavior Therapy, David Burns MD. He's a renowned psychiatrist, and as we learn in this episode, a doctor who fought the odds to create a technique to treat depression that actually worked.

Dr. Burns is the best-selling author of the books Feeling Good and Feeling Great, which have sold over 7 million combined copies worldwide. Users of the Feeling Great App, have reported a reduction in depressive feelings, on average, a whopping 55%, with similar reductions in anger, loneliness, and other difficult emotions.

Advertiser's Link and Special Offer:

Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

There’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

 

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: happymammoth.com
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What are the gifts of saying no?

The word that’s often used to talk about this is ‘boundary.’ Do you have trouble saying no? Or can you identify the how, when, where, and why to say no? Or put another way, when to say yes? We’ll focus on how much of your decision-making is affected by depression or anxiety, or even personality disorders that have a huge bearing on how you decide to say no.

Our voicemail today is from a young woman whose mother is highly volatile at home – but who can be quite loving and wonderful at other times. She’d read my article on borderline mothers, and it strongly resonated with her – I’m sure some of you can also relate. It’s a very confusing family dynamic but one that’s more common perhaps than you might think. I’ll have the article in the show notes.

Vital Links:

My YouTube Channel! Click here.

SelfWork episode on people pleasing

Advertiser's Link:

Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: happymammoth.com
* Check out NOCD: www.treatmyocd.com
* Check out Sunbasket: https://sunbasket.com/SELFWORK


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Acknowledging emotional abuse can be difficult but it's just as much "abuse" as its physical and sexual counterparts.

I received an email recently that again brought to life the emotional cruelty that can be the reality of some children. In fact, his story reminded me of many others I’ve heard – of how someone in authority can be not just manipulative but emotionally abusive. The harm is intentional. The power exerted over that child is meant to demean – to assert complete dominance.

One of the hardest things about being a therapist is hearing the stories of what parents do to their children. Their stories stay in your mind and your heart, with images popping into your awareness when triggered by something you see on social media or in a movie. Because you know this stuff is real – what can go on “behind closed doors” as they say can be horrific.

So today on SelfWork, we’re talking about emotional abuse and the damage it causes. I’m going to ask that if you have severe trauma in your background, that you listen to this episode carefully. It may bring your own memories back into focus – and you might not be ready for that. I’ve included international help line numbers for you to use if needed.

Vital Links:

International Crisis Help Lines

Dr. Margaret's YouTube Channel

Link for self sabotage article in Psychology Today

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Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

There’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: happymammoth.com
* Check out NOCD: www.treatmyocd.com
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In this episode we learn exactly how couples therapy began.

When you’re called “the couple from hell” by your own therapist, that’s something to think about. But Harville Hendrix and his wife of several decades, Helen Hunt, took that all in stride. They're the authors of the book “Getting the Love You Want” which sold millions of copies and put them, when it was published in 1988, on the top of the world of relational or couples therapy.

In this intriguing interview, they talk about how working through their own conflict led them to defining the stages that they’re now famous for identifying. And what’s even more refreshing – Harville especially gives credit to his own couples for coming up with the language to ask for what you want. Then Harville took their words and transformed them into concepts like mirroring, validation, and showing empathy, which were new to the field, as most clinicians had only been trained in individual psychotherapy. And at the time, couples work was mostly parallel psychotherapy. They were instrumental in couples finally facing each other in therapy – and listening to each other in a totally new way.

Their new book, “How to Talk With Anyone About Anything ” is their new passion. They teach how to build safety into conversations between all kinds of people, even those that vehemently disagree with one another. They both hope to guide people in how to actually listen and literally, talk with anyone about anything.

Advertiser's Link:

Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: happymammoth.com
* Check out NOCD: www.treatmyocd.com
* Check out Sunbasket: https://sunbasket.com/SELFWORK


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Today we’re going to talk about how to manage your emotions. Sometimes you might feel as though you can’t feel anything, other times that you feel too much and your emotions are leading you to the choices you’re making. Or you can feel that you’re stuck in a feeling – or you’re portraying an emotion to others that perhaps you don’t recognize or mean to (usually a case of ‘how’ you’re saying something than ‘what’ you’re saying). I found the work of Eric Barker, a best-selling author (his last book “Plays Well with Others,” released by HarperCollins in May of 2022), who writes about how to manage your emotions. He offers four steps: Realize, Recognize, Refine, and Reframe to Regulate. 

Our listener voicemail is from young woman, 20, who says she lives in an ethnic household, and after reading an article I wrote about borderline personality disorder – that she sees her mother as suffering with BPD. I’ll include the article in the show notes so that you can read it as well – and you might find yourself in the same boat as this young woman.

Vital Links:

ZAZZLE MERCH for SELFWORK!

The article on Eric Barker's work: The 4 R's rule for Emotional intelligence

My own post on borderline mothers: There are others if you search for borderline personality disorder in the search.

Psychology Today's free test on emotional intelligence

Other positive psychology ideas on emotional management

GoodReads suggestions for books on borderline personality disorder

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Have you been putting off getting help? It's 2024, and BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

.

 

 

 

 

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: happymammoth.com
* Check out NOCD: www.treatmyocd.com
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Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Today I'm answering your questions about depression, therapy, and manipulative moms.

So, it's a grab bag of topics! Whether you're a SelfWork listener or you've read something I've written... somehow my work has reached you. And I love getting your questions!

More specifically, we'll discuss what's called anhedonia in depression, or losing the enjoyment or meaning in activities that you've always enjoyed. We'll also touch on entering therapy for the first time or with a second therapist, how parents can manipulate and the impact it has on their adult children's lives, and the difference between guilt and shame.

Vital Links:

The SelfWork Episode with Terry McGuire

The SelfWork Episode About Enmeshment Between Moms and Children

Advertiser's Link:

Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

 

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: happymammoth.com
* Check out NOCD: www.treatmyocd.com
* Check out Sunbasket: https://sunbasket.com/SELFWORK


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

This special episode of SelfWork will guide you to step into your inner power as we talk with author and personal branding expert... Jessica Zweig.

I usually don’t have spiritual authors or leaders on SelfWork – not because I don’t believe in the importance of spirituality – but I’ve always kept my own spiritual beliefs more private from my work.

This time, Ashley Stahl - who not only has been on SelfWork as a guest, but has hosted for me – introduced me to our guest today. So I got very interested! And I’m delighted I read this book and met this woman.

Her name? Jessica Zweig. And her new book is The Light Work: Reclaim Your Feminine Power, Live Your Cosmic Truth and Illuminate the World.

How Jessica stepped into her inner power: 

"I’ve spent the last 9+ years helping industry giants (hello Google and Pinterest!) discover their superpowers and harness magnetic personal brands at my award-winning agency SimplyBe.

But I’ll let you in on a secret — behind the scenes, I was broken.

Completely and utterly burned out. I had built my business on a relentless cycle of toxic masculine energy and in 2022 I hit rock bottom — an insurmountable depression and physical depletion.

My path to “burning bright” began with a transformative journey to Egypt and a profound spiritual experience that changed who I am and my entire purpose in life.

It is this enlightenment, combined with my personal branding expertise, that enables me to guide you in stepping into the next, fully-lit, brightly shining version of yourself."

Advertiser's Link and Special Offer:

Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

There’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: happymammoth.com
* Check out NOCD: www.treatmyocd.com
* Check out Sunbasket: https://sunbasket.com/SELFWORK


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Do you know what hormonal replacement therapy is?

Today's SelfWork guest is Donna White, an expert in bio-identical hormone replacement therapy. She's the recent author of "Hormone Makeover" and has also built an academy, The Bio-Identical Replacement Therapy Academy, that trains medical practitioners from all over the world about effective hormone replacement. Whether you're man or woman, in perimenopause, menopause, or post-menopause, she's got information that will help you out!

Menopause can often bring depressive symptoms with it. Getting your hormones checked by a reliable practitioner or pharmacy is vital!

I very much enjoyed Donna's drive and her wide range of knowledge. I've found myself quoting her and her book in the last few weeks since I interviewed her.

Vital Links: 

Dr. Margaret's YouTube videos on perfectly hidden depression!

Advertiser's Link:

Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: happymammoth.com
* Check out NOCD: www.treatmyocd.com
* Check out Sunbasket: https://sunbasket.com/SELFWORK


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Today we’re going to talk all about blame.

If you're one of the people who blame easily, if you find fault with everyone but yourself, then that's a huge problem. Or if you're in a relationship with someone who rarely if ever takes responsibility, they could be suffering with one of the Cluster B personality disorders, such as borderline or narcissism.

Sadly, finding blame leads you to view life as if you’re a victim of injustice, or you're not appreciated. And justifying being angry - and staying angry - because of it.

Today, we'll focus on how blame can protect you, how it can reduce you, and what you can do about it.

Our listener email for today is from someone who listened to the recent podcast on grieving a parent, telling us how it affected her – so much so that she’s acting on the ideas within the episode.

Vital Links: 

The Harley Therapy article about blame

Advertisers Link:

Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: happymammoth.com
* Check out NOCD: www.treatmyocd.com
* Check out Sunbasket: https://sunbasket.com/SELFWORK


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands