Dawson is being extremely annoying and maudlin about his first-ever breakup, and nothing Joey says can snap him out of it. But when Billy (somehow) hears about the split and reappears to try to get Jen back some more, she firmly shuts him down, forcing him to take the long way around: inviting Dawson to come with him to a bar in Providence where Billy knows the bouncer and thus can get his underage ass in. (Pacey comes too, because...they needed something for Pacey to do.) Back in Capeside, Joey accepts a lift to school from cool football player Warren (Eric Balfour!), immediately regretting it when he claims that he and Joey had sex. Then Jen gets an idea for a mother of a revenge plan. Get your motor running for our podcast on "Road Trip"!

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🏺 The Larry Sanders Show S05.E08: "Arthur And Angie And Hank And Hercules" on Max

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It's time for the cruise! Tony is VERY annoyed to see that his would-be girlfriend brought her husband, and orders Amanda to run interference, which Amanda is happy enough to do, both because she wants to secure his account, and because -- as WE all know -- she enjoys spending time with Peter because he is her favorite. Meanwhile, Lexi's assistant Julie has heard all the gossip about Amanda's recent business moods, convincing Lexi to take a break from boning Michael to try to...compete with Amanda for Tony's account, which she almost has, rather than just try to scoop up all the clients Amanda just fired? Sure! Terry is furious that Ryan didn't send Sarah home as planned, and gets the authorities involved to make sure he returns her. Sarah then hatches her OWN plan to stay in California by falsely claiming she can't go back to New York because Terry is abusive. There's nothing for it but to bring Terry to town so she and Ryan can both clear her name. Jane finds out about Amanda and Kyle's divorce and heads straight for him, but how long will it take for Kyle or Jane to admit their true feelings?! We hope this description has given you a budding interest in our podcast on "Floral Knowledge"!

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👙 Baywatch S04.E01: "Race Against Time: Part 1" on Peacock (you can also find it on Prime Video, Tubi, and The Roku Channel)

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After the extremely awkward events of "Detention," Dawson claims to Joey that things between him and Jen are just fine! Little does he know that Jen's ex Billy (Eion Bailey!) has come from New York to Capeside to try to get Jen back. It doesn't work immediately, so he contrives a reason to remain in town, but also cries poor, which leads to him getting billeted with...Dawson? Feels like a mistake. The addition of a crying baby to the Potter household has left Joey extremely sleep-deprived, so Dawson should be especially grateful that she has any energy to expend on his dumb whining. But when she finally hits the wall on her shift at work, Bessie orders her to go to a beach party with Pacey. Many beers are downed, and some track for one of the most memorable relationship endgame reversals in TV history is laid! Deep, DEEP in the background, Gale and Mitch are back, trying to get their relationship BACK on track. Could the answer be scuba diving?! Put on a t-shirt and boxers you stole from a beau in your past and join us for our podcast on "Boyfriend"!

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WELL, Sarah (McBride, to be clear) is still in Los Angeles. Immediately, she determines that the true Megan is meant to be with her dad, and is compliant with everything Ryan tells her to do, starting when he's still at her boarding school on the other side of the country, yelling at Terry about challenging her custody. Sarah ends up at the beach house where the uncle she never knew she had is imposing on his wife's employee; when Aunt Amanda comes home, she's not that interested in getting to know her new niece, but does notice that Sarah, Kyle, and Jane look a lot like a family. Lexi uses the trip back to L.A. to tell Ryan about all the scheming she and Michael have been doing to mess with Ryan and Megan, while Michael does the same for Megan back at the complex; Ryan and Megan are more determined than ever to forgive all their misunderstandings. Eve is still letting Amanda essentially pimp her out to Tony Marlin (non-sexually (so far)); Peter is suspicious about it, but still books that trip to Maui he and Eve had planned, and she's thrilled. It sure would be a shame if the trip conflicted with the spec commercial Amanda wants Eve to star in! Because, yes, Amanda has figured out how to free up the funds she needs to pay for it: she's laying off half her staff, including Jane, and Kyle is pissed that Amanda's ambitions are trampling those of Kyle's new.....................friend. Surely you don't have better things to do than listen to our podcast on "Bitter Homes And Guardians," do you?

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⚖️ Law & Order S05.E14: "Performance" recap on TVTropes.org

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Four separate disciplinary incidents have, it seems, landed our four teen protagonists in all-day detention in the Capeside High library...but it wouldn't be a full Breakfast Club homage without a fifth, which is why we're meeting chaos agent Abby Morgan (Monica Keena)! What crimes did they each commit? What terrifying admissions and world-changing challenges occur in the course of Abby's game of Truth or Dare? What's Mrs. Tringle's favorite soap opera? And how much better is this first episode from future White Lotus creator Mike White than what has come before? You don't have to block out a full eight hours to enjoy our podcast on "Detention"!

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NOTES

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🖼️ Check out this episode's Visual Aids

⚖️ Law & Order S05.E14: "Performance" recap on TVTropes.org

✅ Sarah's Nostalgia Fact-Check on Dawson's Creek at Vulture

🏀 @JayCheel's viral tweet about the basketball face bounce

🎙️ Joshua Jackson talking about it on The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon

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Megan still loves Ryan. Michael still loves Megan. Ryan's trying to convince himself Megan is a lost cause, but he still loves her too. NO ONE loves Lexi. Yet somehow these four idiots refuse to figure out their whole situation. Michael, at least, has the excuse of bigger fish to fry: having bought in as a board member at the hospital, Dr. Shulman is still bringing the draconian cost-cutting spirit to the new worker's co-op and driving everyone crazy. Michael gets the idea to redirect her with someone who can engage in a little sex-spionage. Who? The answer may surprise you! Amanda's pledge to cut back on work is a distant memory as she charges hard after Tony Marlin, whose cruise company could be a huge account for her. Amanda and Megan are both fine with him flirting hard at them both, but it seems like he's even more into brunettes: as soon as he gets one look at Eve, he's laser-focused on getting Amanda to deliver her to him, basically, and Amanda's determination to land the account -- to the exclusion of paying any attention to Kyle -- just shoves him into Jane's path in Amanda's absence. Call your dad later: we've got a podcast for you on "The Daughterboy"!

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🏷️ "Asshole For Hire" on YouTube

😸 "Vandermemes" on YouTube

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The more we hear everyone discussing Bessie's pregnancy due date in the relatively near future, the more we know this TV baby is coming even sooner than that, and sure enough, he chooses a day when Bodie's out of town, the Potter phone isn't connected, and the truck is likely to get stuck in mud. The upshot is that Bessie and Joey end up at Dawson's -- initially just to use the phone, but when the community ambulance isn't available to take Bessie to the nearest hospital, everyone has to swallow their pride so that Grams the registered nurse can come from next door to be Bessie's emergency midwife. Jen also comes, to be supremely unhelpful. (What's going on with Dawson's parents' foundering marriage? Great question, but they aren't in the episode or mentioned by anyone who is!) In the sex crime plot, Pacey gets so excited about possibly taking Tamara out of town for a date that he discusses it with Dawson in the bathroom, both of them using her name; Pacey also does a terrible job checking whether they're alone, so a stoner whose weed they somehow don't smell hears the whole thing and immediately starts spreading it around. How's our lovable rogue going to get out of this one? Grab a bottle of whatever you prefer and join us for our podcast on "Baby"!

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🥩 Medium S05.E09: "All In The Family" on Paramount+

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Things are going badly enough for Megan that she decides to take Amanda up on that job offer after all: if Ryan no longer has any feelings for Megan, then Megan can turn her feelings for Ryan off too. That's fine with Amanda, since it means she can wring all of Lexi's business secrets out of Megan and gain a competitive advantage -- which is probably overestimating both how much Megan retained at her fake job, and...how much was available for her even to try to learn about. Lexi isn't aware of all these machinations until much later, however, because she's still running her own schemes, now with Michael: rifling through Ryan's apartment together tips them to Poughkeepsie as the locus for Ryan's big secret, so off they go to investigate further in person. Eve and Peter have been so horny since all this surprise oil money came into their lives that Peter suggests they...not do anything with it and go back to their old jobs? That lasts about three hours until Kyle gives Eve the chance to buy into full partnership at the rock & roll club, and also run it. Peter is indulgent about this, perhaps because he's actually got some big plans of his own. Grab a rosary and join us for our podcast on "McBride's Head Revisited"!

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Hurricane Chris is bearing down on Capeside, but it can't really compete with the shitstorm that drama queen Dawson's been living in since he found out about his mother's affair and his girlfriend's sexual experiences. When almost everyone ends up holing up at the Leery house, it becomes impossible for Dawson to escape all the women he's mad at, so he lefts Gale know he knows, and also ices out Jen. Meanwhile, Bessie and Bodie dodge possibly racist, definitely tactless comments from Grams about the baby Bessie's about to deliver, although at least that stops them loudly debating circumcision. Escaping all this mess but creating their own elsewhere: Tamara and Pacey, who end up riding out the storm at her place with Pacey's just-introduced brother, Deputy Doug. Board up the windows and listen to our podcast on "Hurricane"!

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🙋🏻‍♀️ Clarissa Explains It All S05.E04: "Alter Ego" on Paramount Plus

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As soon as they got back together, Kyle and Amanda promised to step back from their high-pressure jobs and focus on each other. He had no problem doing that, so why can't Amanda?! And should we be worried that he and Jane -- whose back stairs he is taking forever to build -- have such an easy rapport? Peter is fighting two different wars: against Dr. Shulman's savage cuts at the hospital, and against the...legal consequences of Eve's many dumb decisions. Amanda comes through in the clutch on the latter, and an unexpected turn of events regarding the land Peter inherited from his hated father might change the calculus on the former. We are also all required to learn more about Ryan, very much against our will, and although the person he SHOULD be telling his secrets is Megan, he decides to confess sex with Lexi in Mexico and blow up their relationship instead. We hope you'll choose to join us for our podcast on "Ryan's Choice"!

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🥵 The text of the "Hot Property!" article, minus photos, at People.com

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Dawson has a lot of naïve ideas about love, and in this episode sees several of them destroyed. His parents' perfect marriage? Not perfect enough to keep his mother from making out with her co-anchor in the middle of their TV station, which Dawson witnesses. His wonderful friendship with Joey? Whoops, she knew about the affair and didn't tell him. Jen's purported virginity? Apparently a distant memory. Pacey's ineptitude with girls? Doesn't extend to grown-ass women, as Dawson learns when he watches Tamara have sex with a mystery partner on his b-roll, after which Pacey informs Dawson that said swain is Pacey himself. Discover all the discoveries of "Discovery" in our latest podcast!

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👩🏻‍⚕️ Grey’s Anatomy S16.E03: "Reunited" on Netflix

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