Role models. I think we all recognize that the role models in our lives have had a great influence on us. Paul wrote to the Corinthians: Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ (1 Corinthians 11:1). That is the Bible’s definition of role modeling.

Maybe you’re thinking, “Well, sure, the Apostle Paul could say ‘Follow me as I follow Christ.’ After all, he was an apostle, and he was the best Christian who ever lived. But we could never be expected to seriously tell someone to follow us and do like we do, could we?”

Well, the answer is yes; every Christian should be that kind of a godly role model. I would imagine some of you have never thought of yourself as a role model or a leader. Maybe that’s because you’re still young, you are not an assertive person, or you don’t have leadership gifts. But all of us are role models, and there are people in your life whom you influence. Therefore, we all have a responsibility as believers to make sure we are godly role models.

I know that’s a tall assignment, but we who are born from above have the power of the Holy Spirit within us. We don’t have to do this on our own. God will enable us to become godly role models. However, I believe we do need to take our role modeling responsibilities seriously and consciously work at being better role models.

Godly role modeling is the natural result of a normal, growing walk with Jesus. In 2 Corinthians 3:18 we see that we are being transformed into the likeness of Jesus with ever-increasing glory. So, if our lives as believers are a continuing transformation, becoming more and more like Jesus, then we can also say, “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.”

We are responsible for the people we influence. That’s a sobering thought, isn’t it? We are responsible to set the best example of godly living we possibly can. We are not responsible for their behavior; they still have a free will to choose to follow our example or not. But if we do not give them the role model we should, we will be held accountable to God for our failure to be a good example.

So, the first thing I would recommend is that you make a list of the people in your life over whom you have some influence. That will help you become more intentional about being a good role model. Then add to that list the names of others that you would like to influence.

If you’re a parent, your children’s names will be at the top of the list. If you’re married, your mate’s name is likely to be on that list. Your co-workers are people over whom you have influence. If you’re a manager or business owner, the people who work for you definitely will be on that list. Your close friends are within your sphere of influence; other family members will be there. If you have any leadership roles in your church or other organizations, such as a teacher, you’ve got a list of people there for whom you are a role model.

Write those names down. You’ll be surprised how wide your influence spreads. After you’ve made a list of the people in your life whom you influence or who you would like to influence in a godly way, then you want to consider some key areas where you need to set the right example.

When Paul told the Corinthians to follow his example, he said, “Do not cause anyone to stumble. . .” (1 Corinthians 10:32). That’s a good place to start when we think of our influence as role models.

Who could you cause to stumble? In Romans 14 Paul tells us to be careful with someone whose faith is weak. Do you know any new believers? Those are people who look to us more mature Christians as role models. We could cause them to stumble by gossiping or by our lack of a servant attitude, to name just two. With new believers we have a heavy responsibility to exemplify a godly lifestyle so they have a clear model of what a Christian’s life should be.

If you’re a parent, you could cause your children to stumble. One of the most common ways we can fail our children is to live an inconsistent life. If our walk doesn’t match our talk, if we’re one way at church or with others and a different way at home, our children will see that hypocrisy, and it will have a great adverse effect on their lives.

One of the greatest blessings in my life was my parents. Yes, they took me to church regularly, but more importantly, I saw them live out their faith in our home on a daily basis. They were the same people at home as everywhere else, and their godly role modeling has had an inestimable positive effect on my life and my brothers as well. They did not cause me to stumble through a hypocritical lifestyle.

For those who go out to a job each day, there are people on that job who look at you as a role model. Maybe you have a new co-worker who is looking to you for training or help as he or she begins. You are a role model to that person. Your work habits and your work attitude will set a standard for that new employee. If you’re never on time for work, why should they be? If you bad mouth the boss, they will too. But if you are a diligent worker and you show a godly attitude toward the boss and the job, that new coworker will be more likely to conform his or her behavior to yours, since you’re the senior person on the job.

Anyone who has a position of leadership is always role modeling, whether you like it or not. I often remind managers that if you want to be a good manager, you don’t have the luxury of being in a bad mood because if you’re in a bad mood, everyone who works for you will be in a bad mood before the day is over. That’s because as a leader, you are a role model, and your attitude is very contagious.

Ask yourself this question: How do you react to stress and crises on the job? Do you go into gripe mode? Do you exhibit a bad attitude? Do you overreact? If so, you are setting that example for your co-workers, your employees, even for your management.

One way to evaluate your effectiveness as a role model on your job is to ask yourself: If everyone else in the company was like me, worked as hard as I do, was as loyal as I am, managed their time like I do, went the extra mile as much as I do, had the same attitude I have, would we have a better company? A godly role model on the job will raise the performance standards for everyone they influence.

Isn’t that an exciting prospect? Regardless of who you are or what position you have in the company, even if you’re in an entry level position, you can have a positive impact on the company’s success, the company’s morale, the company’s profitability by simply being a positive, godly role model. You will raise the bar so that others will want to jump higher and do better.

Way back in the early church the Apostle Paul understood the importance of good role modeling. He wrote:

For you yourselves know how you ought to follow our example. . . . we worked night and day, laboring and toiling so that we would not be a burden to any of you. We did this, not because we do not have the right to such help, but in order to make ourselves a model for you to follow.  (2 Thessalonians 3:7-9)

Now, consider what this teaches us. Paul inconvenienced himself in order to establish a strong model for the Thessalonian church to follow. In other words, being a godly role model for those under his influence was a very high priority for Paul, something he consciously made an effort to do even though it increased his workload.

If we are to be godly role models – good leaders, we’ll have to go out of our way and inconvenience ourselves at times. It will take effort and sometimes sacrifice. You may be thinking, “Well, I think I’ll just skip it then.” But you see, we don’t have a choice about whether we’ll be a role model or not; we only have a choice about whether we’ll be a godly role model or not. Everyone is somebody’s role model.

Role modeling is both a privilege and a responsibility. It’s a privilege because it allows us to influence others in a godly direction, and that has eternal significance–it really matters. If you’re looking for something to do that is meaningful, becoming a godly role model sure fills that bill. It makes a difference that matters for eternity, and that is a great privilege.

But also consider the responsibility of being a role model. For example, you can lecture your children until you’re blue in the face about never telling a lie, but if they hear you slanting the truth, you’ve lost your credibility. On the other hand, if they observe that you read your Bible and pray on a daily basis, they’ll be much more likely to do so as well. More than anyone else in your life, your children will learn from your example far more than they will learn from your words.

So, becoming a godly role model requires a close daily walk with the Lord, a humble spirit, and lots of dependence upon his power in us. It is a responsibility, but please, don’t lose sight of the great privilege you have to be a godly role model.

Not long ago a good friend of mine changed jobs and as she began her new job, she did what she always does: She worked hard and gave her employer a good day’s work for her pay. However, the people who worked in her department were not accustomed to that kind of work ethic. Indeed, they had all developed some very bad work habits and were quite lazy.

As they observed my friend’s work ethic, some of them made comments on how she was going to make them look bad. But she quietly responded that she just had to do her work diligently because that was the right thing to do, and she kept on working hard every day. Soon she noticed that the other employees started doing their jobs better, and they developed much better work habits simply because my friend had role modeled what a good worker should do.

She wasn’t their manager; in fact, she was low man on the totem pole as the new employee. But she role modeled what she believed God would have her do as an employee and that has changed the morale and the work habits of her department. That’s an example of what it means to be a godly role model.

To give you a different kind of story, several years ago I was asked to do some training for a large company in New Jersey. The manager in charge was very intent on improving his employees’ telephone skills, and he insisted that they use a friendlier telephone greeting. But he would answer his phone in an abrupt manner using only his last name. I suggested that if he would change his telephone habits, it would have a very favorable impression on his workers, and they’d be more likely to change. He laughed and said, “Oh, Mary, I’ve been answering the phone this way for 25 years; I’m not likely to change now.”

Well, I knew my training efforts would have limited success because those workers would be more influenced by their boss’s role model than they would by my training session.

So, whether you’re a worker, a manager, a business owner, a low person on the ladder, or at the top, you have the privilege and the responsibility to be a godly role model. Don’t miss your opportunities.

Ever had a new boss who came in with unrealistic demands and expectations? That’s where our friend, Fran, finds herself these days. Since Ben Mason has become their new manager, the whole department has been demoralized.

Fran notices she is praying more now and that’s one good thing this new manager has done for her. She is determined God will help her deal with this with a good attitude and a sense of joy, not fear. Her friend, Louise, is a great help, and together they often pray for the office and each other.

After a few weeks, it becomes obvious Ben’s knowledge of the industry, the competition, and the art of selling is woefully weak. But through all these difficult days, Fran continues to pray for the ability to see Ben the way God does. When she is so exasperated she doesn’t think she can take it another minute, she sees again that Ben is consumed with fear, and he covers it up with bravado.

In a meeting with him, after reviewing a proposal for a new prospect, she says, “Ben, would you like to go with me for this presentation? I think it would be impressive for the prospect to meet the boss, and I’d be glad to have your help.”

He looks at her briefly then turns his eyes away, obviously nervous. “I. . . I, uh. . . I really don’t think I have time, Fran,” he says, and then looks at her almost like a child, “but thanks for asking me.”

“Is there anything else I can do for you, Ben?” Fran asks, trying to give him some word of encouragement. Somehow, he senses her genuine care, and he responds quietly, “Well, if you can tell me how to get these numbers up, that would help. Instead of improving, we’ve actually done worse since I got here. I don’t know what’s happening.”

“Ben,” Fran says, “adjusting to a new place is always a challenge. Don’t be discouraged about the numbers. They’ll improve, I’m sure.”

And before Fran realizes it, Ben is earnestly soliciting her advice. She spends the better part of an hour giving him some help, trying to do so without hurting his pride. She suggests a different approach to the account reps and other motivational things he might do. Finally, he says, “I think you could do this job better than me,” and looks at her with a very humble smile.

“Ben, I know you want to succeed, but you need all of us on your team,” Fran says. “I just want you to know I’m on your team. I’ve been praying for you. And I believe you can succeed here.”

“Praying for me?” Ben is astonished.

“Well, yes,” Fran says, “I believe in prayer, and I talk to the Lord about everything in my life. It really makes a difference.”

She assures Ben she is available to help anytime. After that she and others detect some improvement in Ben’s approach and things seem to get a little better.

Well, if you’re facing a difficult manager, remember Fran’s experience. It may encourage you.

Today is the day our friend Fran has her first one-on-one meeting with her new manager, Ben Mason. So, Fran is taking her lunch hour to pray for her 2pm meeting. She goes to her car, where she can have some privacy, and begins to pray.

“Lord, I know my life is in your hands and Ben does not have control over me; you do. Help me to see Ben the way you see him. Remind me that you love him as much as you love me. And guard my words carefully, Lord.”

Thinking of her own fears, the Lord seems to impress her with this thought: Ben is afraid, too. “Of course,” Fran says to herself, “he’s trying to cover up his fear with this tough attitude.” It’s as though a veil has been lifted from her eyes, and she can see fear written all over Ben.

As she arrives at his office, Ben asks her to be seated and then says, “I see that you have been a sales leader in the office several times, Fran. I guess you think you’re pretty good,” and he looks at her with a sarcastic grin.

“I enjoy the job, Ben, and hopefully I’ve gotten better at it as the years have gone by,” Fran replies, trying to avoid any defensiveness.

“Well, if you ask me, your numbers are pretty anemic for a sales leader. You ought to be doing twice this much business if you’re that good. What’s the matter? Don’t you like going after new business?” Ben asks with an accusatory tone.

What does she say? Another silent emergency prayer goes up, and she finds some words. “Well, obviously, Ben, finding new business is the hardest part of the job. I would imagine that you must have been very good at new business, and I am looking forward to learning from you so I can do it better. I hope you’ll share your secrets.”

“It’s hard work, Fran,” Ben says, “and I expect a lot more from you than what you’ve done in the past.”

“If you will tell me exactly what you expect, I will certainly do my best to meet your expectations, Ben,” Fran manages to reply.

“Here’s what I expect,” Ben says, and he tells her how much revenue he expects from her in the next six months. The number is almost double her current quota, and Fran has to catch her breath. Both anger and fear begin to grip her heart and mind.

Then she remembers what God showed her about Ben—he is frightened. And she says, “Well, to tell you the truth, Ben, this number is frightening. If you were trying to put fear into me, I guess you have succeeded,” and she looks at him with a faint smile.

“Well, maybe this whole place needs a dose of fear. That’s the new quota, and I expect you to meet it,” Ben says. He then dismisses her, and that is the end of their first meeting.

Today, Fran met the new manager of her department—Ben Mason—and she’s not happy about him. This evening, she calls her friend Louise to commiserate about Ben, but instead Louise refuses to get into a gossip session. Fran ended the conversation rather abruptly, but her face is glowing red, both from anger and from shame. She is angry with Louise for confronting her so forcefully, and ashamed of how she behaved.

Fran steams around the house for half an hour with a fierce battle inside her. Finally, she sits down with her Bible and begins to pray. But few words come out before the tears start. “Lord, I’m so sorry. How could I behave so badly? How could I?” Fran cries out to the Lord. She is so disappointed in herself. She knows better than to gossip. She knows how wrong it is to have such a rotten attitude. She knows to take her concerns to the Lord and not complain to people. She knows all that, and yet she has done just the opposite.

Opening her Bible to Romans 7, she reads beginning in verse 21:

So, I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord (Romans 7:21-25)!

“Wretched, Lord,” Fran prays, “that’s exactly the way I feel. I want to do your will, yet so easily, so quickly, I go back to my own self-centered way of responding. Please forgive me.” After a time of prayer and assurance that the Lord has indeed forgiven her, Fran thinks about what her next steps should be. “First, I have some apologies to make. Then I have to change my attitude toward Ben. He is my manager, and no one is in my life by accident.”

She turns to Romans 13 and reads again the passage about those in authority:

Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves (Romans 13:1-2).

She prays for God to help her to respect Ben and his authority over her.

Before going to bed, she phones Louise back with a sincere apology, and the two of them covenant again to hold each other accountable. The next day at work Fran finds a moment alone with George to apologize for her participation in the bad words about Ben.

But now the challenge begins: She must deal directly with Ben Mason, her new boss.

Our friend Fran begins this workweek with a new boss. Marilyn has been promoted and now, Ben Mason joins the department from the Boston office.

At 9am, a meeting of the department is convened, and Ben Mason is introduced. He begins his opening remarks, “Well, I’m glad to be here and look forward to a very successful year. I’ve been looking at your numbers and we’ve got some work to do, don’t we? Seems to me we haven’t secured enough new clients. Maybe some of us are just too contented to rock along the way things are. Well, you’ll see some changes in the next few days because I think it’s time for a shakeup. We want to be the number one sales office in the company, and I intend to make it happen this year.”

A silence falls over the department like a wet blanket. “Whoa,” Fran thinks, “what an opening shot he has fired.” She goes back to her office with some fear and trepidation. Before she has time to sit down, George walks in. He’s been an account manager for over ten years, and he really knows his business. “Fran, can you believe that guy? What a stupid thing to say on your first day in a new office. He must be connected with somebody somewhere to get this job. Man, life is going to be difficult for us.”

Fran shakes her head. “I know, George,” she says, “I was shocked at what he said. He looks like a child; how old can he be? And how much experience can he have? You’re right—we’re in for some tough days.”

They commiserate together a few minutes longer, and George leaves. Fran feels a cloud of discouragement descending upon her. As she goes home later, she lets her mind run wild with imaginations of how awful it is going to be to work for such a young arrogant man. She does the minimum that needs to be done to get the kids fed, do their homework, and get them into bed by 9pm. Then she calls her friend Louise, who works with her and is also a believer. “Louise, what did you think about Ben Mason? Pretty pitiful, right?”

Louise is quiet. Fran continues. “Did you ever hear such an awful opening message? I mean, it has to break all the rules of being a good manager. Where did they dig this guy up anyway?”

Louise remains quiet. “Louise, are you there?” Fran asks.

“Yes, Fran, but I just don’t think we should be talking about him. . .”

Fran feels the sting of her brief remark and knows she is right. But she’s not there yet. “Well, I’m just telling you how I feel, Louise. I mean, you have to tell someone, don’t you?”

“Yeah, we do need to tell someone, I agree,” Louise says very quietly, “but I don’t think we should be gossiping.”

“Gossiping?” Fran becomes defensive. “I don’t think this is gossip. I’m just reporting on the facts. Oh well, I know you’re busy; don’t want to keep you, Louise. See you in the morning.” And with that abrupt ending, she hangs up the phone.

Have you ever reported to someone you felt was incompetent and arrogant? In our story of Fran and Jesus on the Job, Fran encounters a new boss who taxes her patience to the limits. Since her husband’s untimely death, Fran has been blessed, really, with a good job and a good boss. Under Marilyn’s guidance and with her help, Fran has grown considerably in this position, and she really enjoys working for her. Even more importantly, Fran actually led her to saving faith in Jesus Christ. All in all, Fran is more than pleased with her current situation at work.

Today as she busily writes a proposal for a new client, Marilyn comes into her office and sits down. “Uh oh,” Fran says half teasing, “When you come in and sit down, I know we’re in for something serious. What’s up, Marilyn?”

Marilyn smiles. “Well, I have good news and good news. Which do you want first?”

“Oh, please, the good news first,” Fran laughs.

“The good news is I’ve just been selected as Vice President of Marketing for the entire division,” Marilyn reports, with obvious great pleasure.

“No kidding?!” Fran exclaims. “Marilyn, that is awesome. Congratulations!”

“Well, I’m a bit overwhelmed,” Marilyn says, “but I am excited about the opportunity.”

“You deserve it, Marilyn,” Fran says, “and I couldn’t be happier for you. But wait a minute,” she pauses. “Does this mean you’ll be moving?”

“Well, that’s the other good news, Fran. You won’t have to put up with me as a boss any longer. You’ll have a new boss starting next Monday. They’re promoting a guy from the Boston office. His name is Ben Mason. I don’t know him personally, but evidently, he’s done well there in sales, and so they’re bringing him here as a manager.”

Fran plops back down in her chair. “Sorry, Marilyn, but that is not good news. You’re the best, and you’ve been such a great help to me. What will we do without you?”

As Fran learns more about this Ben Mason, she realizes they have chosen someone with little experience. She asks Marilyn, “Why didn’t they choose someone right within our office. There are several here who’ve got more experience than that.”

“My guess is that this is a young guy on his way up, and they may have him on a fast track. I admit it’s a little unusual but wait and see. He must be good, or they wouldn’t promote him this quickly,” Marilyn tries to reassure Fran.

A big farewell party is quickly planned for Marilyn, and Fran sheds some tears as she began to realize she was losing not only a good manager but also a good friend. She has found a good church in Boston to recommend to Marilyn and they promise to stay in close touch. But what about this Ben Mason person? What kind of boss is he going to be?

As disciples of Jesus Christ, he is our role model for every situation in our lives. The more you learn about Jesus, the more you will be amazed to see how he dealt with people and how he handled difficult situations. I encourage you to read a chapter in one of the Gospels every day. Just start in Matthew, go through John, and then start over again. I promise you’ll learn something new about Jesus every time you read the Gospels.

One good way to read the Gospels is to put yourself in the picture; imagine that you are there, one of the disciples, or maybe you’re hearing Jesus for the first time. It will give you new insights into this God-man—a man like no other who ever lived. Yet, he was a man who was touched with the feelings of our infirmities because he chose to take on humanity and spend thirty-three years on this earth.

Today we want to see how Jesus dealt with people who were misfits, people who were different. We can learn a lot from him, because for sure we have those kinds of people in our worlds, too.

Who are the people where you work or where you live that most people have nothing to do with? In most situations, there are people who are not part of the in-group. You know, they look different or dress oddly. They talk a little strangely; maybe they don’t smell as good as they should. Or they’re not as educated as others. Maybe they’re just not important people. They are often avoided or left out. They are people on the margins.

Make time for people on the margins.

Jesus always had time for people that others ignored or rejected. He was continually thrown into contact with social outcasts, from lepers to beggars to sinners to demon-possessed people. In fact, he invited those kinds of encounters.

And the religious leaders of his day never could figure him out. They were careful not to associate with these undesirables. How could this man intentionally surround himself with those who were unlovely, unattractive, unappealing? It didn’t make sense to them.

Yet Jesus, by associating with those rejected by others, was able to heal them, help them, make them feel special, and give them hope. This is a good lesson for us to learn from our Master as we think about how we treat people. We should go out of our way to associate with those who are on the outside looking in.

Can you think of someone right now who would fit that description? They may be a coworker or a member of your church or a participant in your Bible study or a neighbor. Why don’t you write that person’s name down, purpose in your heart to pray for that person, and then find ways to associate with him or her, to reach out and bring that person within your circle of friends. You may be amazed at what God wants to do for that person through you and what it will do for you to learn this important people skill.

I think of a woman I know who would probably fit that “misfit” description. At first meeting you would probably think she was not as bright as others, or certainly was socially backward. But I’ve known her for years and discovered that she is very smart. She held a job for thirty years before retiring, and she has taught herself to use a computer, she takes classes at our church and other classes offered at libraries and such. She is truly delightful, but many would describe her as a social misfit.

It’s always good to remind ourselves that God loves us all the same. He is no respecter of people, and each of us is of equal importance to him. When we look at people through his eyes, we’ll see that we all are on the same level.

Break down walls that exist.

Have you ever met someone or dealt with someone who just immediately put-up walls and barriers between you and them? Perhaps they were cold, defensive, withdrawn, or angry. But for whatever reason, the walls were up, and they weren’t going to let anyone bring them down.

Jesus was masterful at breaking down walls, and I think the best example is how he dealt with the woman at the well, the Samaritan woman he just “happened to meet” on his journey. Let’s analyze how Jesus dealt with the woman at the well:

John 4:4-7

Now Jesus had to go through Samaria. So he came to a town in Samaria called Sychar, near the plot of ground Jacob had given to his son Joseph. Jacob’s well was there, and Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well. It was about noontime.

When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will you give me a drink?”

He asked her for something. This woman was a stranger; she would naturally be skeptical of him because he was a man and he was Jewish. So, to break down the barriers between them, Jesus begins with a request.

How do you think she would have responded if he had said: “I’m very thirsty and I need some water. Give me some water.” It’s always better to ask than tell, even if you have the power to tell. People respond better to requests than demands.

The Samaritan woman said to him: You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.) Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water (John 4:9-10).

Jesus responded with an answer that created curiosity on her part. He wanted to start a conversation and get her engaged. So, he talked about something with which she was very familiar—water—and he caused her to ask him questions.

How do you think she would have responded if he had said: “Yes, I am a Jew, and you are a Samaritan. Obviously, you know that the Jews are the true people of God. Samaritans are half-breeds. And you should understand that your theology is all mixed up about the afterlife and where you should worship. I would like to tell you the truth. By the way, I am the Messiah of God, the promised one.” No doubt she would have had a totally different response. But listen to how she responded to him:

“Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his flocks and herds?”

Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” (John 4:11-14).

Notice that Jesus did not take her bait. At this point she is still very suspicious of him and ready to fight. But Jesus avoids her argumentative question and keeps talking about this living water.

Suppose he had said: “Yes, indeed I am greater than Jacob. As I told you, I am the Messiah. Can’t you understand me? Before Jacob was, I am.” That was the truth, but she wasn’t ready for the truth yet, and Jesus knew how to respond to her to keep her engaged and asking questions.

The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.” He told her, “Go, call your husband and come back.”

“I have no husband,” she replied. Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.” (John 4:15-18).

It’s time for getting things out in the open and addressing her deep-seated problems. Up to this point she has side-stepped her real heart issue, but Jesus has gently led her along to a point where the problem comes out from her own mouth.

Suppose he had said: “Listen, lady, you’ve got a lot of problems in your life. You’ve been married five times and that guy you’re living with now is not your husband. You’re an immoral woman and you need to get your life cleaned up.” That kind of confrontation would have chased her away, but instead in a most gentle way, he leads her to speak the truth.

“Sir,” the woman said, “I can see that you are a prophet. Our fathers worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem.”

Jesus declared, “Believe me, woman, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews. Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth.”

The woman said, “I know that Messiah is coming. When he comes he will explain everything to us.” Then Jesus declared, “I who speak to you am he.” (John 4:19-26).

The woman is uncomfortable, so she tries to change the subject and talk about a theological point of difference. Jesus confronts her with the truth about worship and salvation, and she once again tries to side-step: “When the Messiah comes, he’ll straighten all this out,” she says. And then for the first recorded time, Jesus reveals that he is the Messiah.

Notice that Jesus is direct when he needs to be. Truth should never be compromised for relationships. Yet when he speaks the truth, he does it for her good, because truth will set her free, not to prove his point or lord it over her that her theology is incorrect.

Look at the principles we can learn from Jesus in dealing with people from his encounter with this woman:

• Asking is better than telling. People like to be asked. It’s a good way to open a conversation and start building a relationship.
• It’s always good to find mutual ground to start a conversation. Talk about something you have in common.
• Always avoid arguments. Differences of opinion or ideas can certainly be discussed, but arguments do not improve communication. They just create more rigid positions, which make it more difficult for people to see the truth.
• Don’t try to impress people with who you are or what you’ve done. Let them discover that for themselves.
• When it’s necessary to confront, do so as gently as possible. If you can help someone uncover their own problem, it’s better than telling them what you see that is wrong with them.

I encourage you to learn from Jesus; get to know him better and better through Scripture. He is the perfect communicator, and when we communicate more and more like Jesus, we are able to connect with people in more meaningful ways.

Watch out for that send button! That is my word of caution as I conclude my thoughts on effective electronic communication. That send button on your computer makes it easy to get a message off right away, but it also can become your Achilles heel if it is used carelessly.

Remember everything you send through email is out there somewhere in cyberspace forever and ever! You may intend it to be for one person’s eyes only, but it can very easily be distributed or read by people who were never supposed to read it. Whatever you say in cyberspace cannot be taken back. You lose control of your message once you hit send. Those emails can come back to harm you, to destroy friendships, even to ruin careers.

Not long ago I wrote an email about a sensitive situation and was just about to send it when I realized there was no way I wanted that email in cyberspace. And then, also not long ago, I sent an email to the wrong person. I chose the correct first name, but failed to see that there was more than one person in my address book with that first name. I sent it to the wrong person. Thankfully it wasn’t of a sensitive nature so there was no harm done, but I just realized again how easy it is to send an email to the wrong person.

A good rule of thumb is to read over every word in your email before you send it. Check the name or names and make sure they are correct. And then ask yourself, is there anything in this email that should not be in writing? If in doubt, don’t! Pick up the phone or wait until you see that person to send that message. It’s not as fast, but it could save you lots of trouble in the future.

Proverbs 21:23 says, those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. Guarding your words—even those electronic words—can truly help you avoid calamity.

What is the most annoying thing about electronic communication to you? Don’t you wish that in order to use emails, everyone had to agree to certain rules of etiquette? No doubt you get lots of junk emails and long emails and annoying emails regularly. The question is, are you careful to avoid those email mistakes yourself?

For example, don’t be the person who sends out a constant stream of informational emails to people who have not requested them or don’t need them. For example, forwarding articles or other emails that have a political bent to them is truly not smart professionally. And getting a constant stream of jokes or funny stories can become annoying. Even inspirational emails can be overdone.

I confess these streams of emails are the ones I generally don’t read. I look at the subject, see who it’s from, and determine if it’s worth my time to read a long email. However, people I know and trust occasionally send me very worthwhile things to read, and because it is infrequent, I know they have thoughtfully sent something I will want to read, so I do. It’s good to remember anything can be overdone. Again, less is more.

If you have a particularly complex communication or if there is significant emotional content to a message you need to send, determine if sending it by email is the best way to go. For example, if you need to apologize, it may be best to do that by phone or in person. Or when you’re delivering a message you know they don’t want to hear, such as denying a request of some sort, that is usually done best in a personal communication. Don’t use email communication to avoid uncomfortable messages or to cover up a mistake. In the long run, it will create more problems for you.

I’m examining email etiquette! Have you found emailing to be a blessing or a curse? It has certainly improved our ability to communicate quickly and easily, but it can become our master. We can truly become addicted and in bondage to this way of communicating. It’s a tool we need to use, for sure, but we need to use it wisely and correctly.

A few more rules of etiquette for emails, in addition to the ones I shared with you yesterday:

• Be informal but not sloppy. Your email communication represents you and your organization, so it’s just as important to use correct spelling, grammar and punctuation as it would be for a printed communication.
• When you have an email for a group of people, consider how much more effective it might be if the email were individually sent to each person. Now, it’s certainly not necessary to do this with every group email, but for important communications you definitely want to be read, an email addressed to me personally, for example, will carry more weight than one addressed to me and several others.
• Using all capital letters looks as if you’re shouting, so only use it when you want to shout! Maybe there are times to shout for joy and that can be effective, but most of the time it has a negative effect. Instead, use a font color to highlight things.
• Generally, the fewer words you use, the more effectively you will communicate. Most of us use far more words than are necessary to get our messages across, and people just start to tune us out. A good suggestion is to edit every email before you send it and eliminate unnecessary words. Less is definitely more when it comes to emails.

The Apostle Paul wrote so whatever you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31). Well, as a Christ-follower that means your communication skills—which are things you do—should be done for God’s glory. I send emails every day; most of you do as well. I want even the emails I send to bring honor, not dishonor, to my Lord.

How is your email etiquette? Recently a good friend was telling me the woes she is having with email communication. She is a computer programmer, and in order to help her coworkers, she sends emails with instructions on how to avoid problems, use the system better, etc. Her motivation is totally right; she wants to help. But some of her coworkers interpret her emails as being critical. What is she doing wrong? Proverbs 16:21 says: The wise in heart are called discerning, and gracious words promote instruction. Another translation says sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness. This principle holds true for emails as much as it does for the spoken word. Your choice of words always makes a difference. And remember asking is usually better than telling. A good way to judge how your words will be perceived is to read your email out loud to yourself before you send it and see how the words sound when they are spoken. That will often give you a clue as to the tone of your message and how it could be perceived by the person receiving it. Some email dos and don’ts: Be careful with your use of emotional symbols—emojis. You may find it clever or funny, but the recipient may not. Save those for casual messages between friends. Remember not everyone is as computer savvy as you are, and they may not understand those online abbreviations that have become popular. So, be careful using those. Start your business emails with a salutation. If you’re writing to three people or less, use their names: Hello, Tom, Jane and Linda. If you’re writing to more than three, you can use a common greeting, something as simple as “Hello.” But starting an email with no salutation can be perceived as harsh. If you’re involved in a long email going back and forth, you can eliminate the salutation after the first reply, but when in doubt, it never hurts to use a greeting. This is one area where I have to watch myself, because I just want to get to the meat of the message and skip the “niceties,” thinking they’re not necessary. But it truly can make a difference in the minds of others, so take the time to add that salutation.