In which St. Croix History reminds us of a Martian with a big butt; Penance’s escape is ambiguous; Avengers Academy Infinity Comic successfully reinvents Emplate; you should not learn to flirt from Vanilla Ice; Jubilee fires two fireworks blasts into the air whilst going aaahhh; and we go in through the ears.

X-PLAINED:

• Apocalypse’s influence
• The Big House (about which we are confused)
• Generation X #58
• Cartier and/or Louis St. Croix
• Our college’s Dean, naked jogger
• Things that are sharp in the woods
• HUMP
• Penance (Hollow)
• Emplate, spoiled teenager
• Generation X Annual 1999
• Epistolary fonts
• Jubilee’s pre-X past
• Round Wolverine
• Hunter Brawn (again, sigh)
• Recognizing random dudes from pictures
• Dad Things and Dad Pipes
• Juggernaut and Black Tom as a relationship model
• Jubilee, competent veteran
• A murder mystery
• Legault, cosplaying bodyguard
• Taking notes on comics
• Magneto’s telepathy-blocking (or not) helmet

NEXT EPISODE: Wolverine’s dead! And Wolverine’s back!

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In which Nightcrawler has a type; the Hill is a bad place to raise your kids up; Colossus introduces Marrow to art; we come out against autotrepanation; Mikhail Rasputin never learns; Destiny leaves clues from beyond the grave; and The Twelve looms.

X-PLAINED:

• That one universe where Mystique raised Nightcrawler in an attic
• An event in name only
• Some shit that went down a while ago
• The Hill (more) (again)
• Uncanny X-Men #373-374
• X-Men #93-94
• Marrow as a child soldier
• Rural Boston
• Some asshole
• Mikhail Rasputin (more) (again)
• How to prove that you’re a god
• The souls of furniture and some other things
• The green psychic entity who’s been secretly controlling Mikhail Rasputin, I guess?
• Ninja problems
• B. Byron Biggs
• Ronnie Lake
• A Conspiracy
• How Rogue and Destiny met
• Compulsory heterosexuality
• Destiny’s diaries
• Prognostication vs. agenda-setting
• Skrullverine’s power mimicry
• How the Mannites could’ve been used in the Krakoan era

NEXT EPISODE: Secrets of Jubilee’s past!

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In which Lenore Zann joins us to talk Rogue, Canadian politics, and her upcoming memoir!

Lenore’s memoir, A Rogue’s Tale, will be out November 1! You can preorder it here.

 

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In which “Astonishing X-Men” is something of a misnomer; Death has a good look; sometimes you just need a guy who swoops; Miles stops worrying and learns to love Nate Grey; Telekinesis is silly looking; “Wolverine” dies; and nothing really changes.

X-PLAINED:

• Astonishing X-Men (miniseries)
• Ambience
• Nina (again)
• Mannites (again)
• The third-best way to get out of awkward conversations
• The Hulkbuster base
• Bastion (again)
• Bastion’s worst nightmare
• Death (a new one)
• Fiddly bits
• Cable’s Psimitar
• Telekinetic snowboarding
• Headcase
• Darco
• Glub
• Beautiful Dreamer
• Grace
• Totem
• Things to do with a severed head
• The Changing
• The (apparent) death of Wolverine
• How to salvage this miniseries
• Hypothetical X-crossovers

NEXT EPISODE: Lenore Zann joins us to talk all things Rogue!

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In which X-Force is kind of silly; that really isn’t what “quantum” means; polite and lawful are two entirely different things, and Sam Guthrie is only one of them; Selene vogues; and the Hellfire Club plays the dead girlfriend card.

X-PLAINED:

• Blackheart
• The Damocles Foundation (more) (again)
• Lucas Bartholomew Guthrie
• The difference between prisons and jails
• X-Force #98-98
• Whether Dr. Octopus enjoys the literary stylings of Elmore Leonard
• One way to get out of prison
• The Glitterbox
• An unsuccessful heist
• Celestial cigarettes and/or golems
• Thomas and/or Tyler Zebulon and/or Zeke Guthrie
• Demon Bears as urban pests
• Selene, Always Voguing
• Gatherers
• Various evil scientists
• The Sword
• Junkyard life
• Lenny Delmonico
• Psychic rodeos
• Nightmare chambers
• Bat sex
• An offer Sunspot can’t refuse
• Hank McCoy’s villain arc
• New Mutant superlatives

NEXT EPISODE: Astonishing X-Men!

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In which Gambit is fundamentally goofy; t’ieves love research; Magneto was ripped; Professor Xavier remains a jerk; Miles attempts to convey something very fundamentally visual in an audio format; Marrow is adorable; the X-Men pretty much disband (again); and a miniseries is the opposite of a vacation.

X-PLAINED:

• Where Wolverine went
• Gambit Annual 1999
• Uncanny X-Men #372
• X-Men #92
• A lot of backstory
• A very cute plastic goose
• What Gambit does in his free time
• Those weird fluid-filled tubes they put people in all the time for some reason
• Gambit’s abs
• The fart ghost (Mary Purcell)
• Manhattan, Indiana
• A very minor continuity error
• Fart ghost metaphysics
• A very bad idea
• A muppetworthy death
• Dream’s various ends
• X-pajamas
• Professional dinosaurs
• Thinkers
• Theoretical Cyclops-Daredevil team-ups
• X-characters recognizable as civilians

NEXT EPISODE: The return of the Damocles Foundation!

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In which the 1990s were very long; if you die in the simulation, you die in real life; Adrienne Frost is a bad person with good clothes; we judge the number 57; things just keep happening; and Penance somehow gets even more complicated.

X-PLAINED:

• Bevatron
• Generation X #55-57
• The Hellions and their untimely demise (again)
• Uncanny X-Men #281
• A continuity conundrum
• Many allusions and references
• Cognitive dissonance
• Dancing between the raindrops of continuity
• Resolution
• Emma Frost, triumphant
• Fashion
• Emplate (more) (again)
• Propeller beanies
• Feelings
• Explosions
• One way to solve a problem
• Whether you should read Dazzler: The Movie
• The worst possible power swaps

NEXT EPISODE: The secret origins of Gambit’s fart ghost girlfriend!

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In which Magneto may be right but is also wildly impractical; X-Force goes on a sneaking mission; Magneto isn’t mad, he’s just disappointed; Rictor and Shatterstar return; Strong is not a common surname in the Marvel universe; and being a mutant on TV doesn’t mean you’re one in the comics.

X-PLAINED:

• How Jubilee became a vampire
• The most X-treme youth of them all
• X-Force 94-95
• X-Force Annual 1999
• Genosha
• Butler disambiguation
• Clown jobs
• A team-up predicated on an awkward breakup
• Hammer Town
• Delphi
• Memory boxes
• Several potential continuity error
• Names
• Genoshan robots
• Archie
• A hierarchy of potential fates
• Vershiagen Industries and/or Vershlagen Industries
• V2
• Hanrancha
• Stronghold
• Martin Strong
• Freddie
• Michelle Balters (Neurotap) (more) (again)
• Communication with X-teams
• A sudden and depressing resolution
• Continuity across media
• Why Gambit doesn’t (usually) throw tarot cards

NEXT EPISODE: The Return of the Hellions (kinda)

The visual companion to this episode will be up later this week!

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In which Synch is better with your powers than you are; Generation X gets some actual training; Artie and Leech are fully feral; everyone gets the hots for Paladin; Zeus has probably fucked a motorcycle at some point; many countries have valleys; and Adrienne Frost is terrible.

X-PLAINED:

• Generation X #52-54
• Tristan Brawn (more) (again)
• Grant Morrison on suspension of disbelief in superhero media
• Honor vs. privilege
• School dance themes
• Artie and Leech’s habitat
• Spider-Ham
• Ducktor Doom
• Role models
• What Gaia is probably definitely up to
• Paladin
• The Rising Sons
• Rollerblades
• Dragon problems
• Power emulation vs. reproduction
• Pokémans
• Cosplaying Emma Frost with a beard
• Diamond Patch
• Muir Island vs. Muir Isle

NEXT EPISODE: X-Force goes to Genosha!

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In which Devin Toohey joins Miles to discuss X-Men’s DC Comics cousin Doom Patrol, and their bastard Amalgam child, X-Patrol!

X-PLAINED:

• X-Men vs. Doom Patrol
• Meet Your Doom
• Doom Patrol
• Amalgam
• X-Patrol
• Elasti-Girl (Amalgam)
• Shatterstarfire
• Beastling
• Ferro Man
• Dial H.U.S.K.
• X-Patrol #1
• Exciting X-Patrol #1
• Niles Cable
• Dr. Doomsday
• Superhero aviation
• Brother Brood
• Raveniya
• Niles Dayspring
• Technoorganic lettering
• Claw mechanics
• Magneto on X-Force
• Real-life Dazzler and Lila Cheney analogs

NEXT EPISODE: Generation X goes to Madripoor!

Want to hire J&MXPtXM producer Matt Hunter to produce your podcast? Email him!

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In which Tommy Lee Edwards draws a damned fine everything; death gods get taken a lot less seriously when their avatars are seagulls; warm and cool colors get in a fight; Domino has no time for this bullshit; Cable and Domino wait ’til the kids are asleep; Sunspot’s alibi is too complicated; X-Force forges a pouches path; Engines are nothing but trouble; and Ry’lor the Destroyer puts himself in time out. X-PLAINED: The Norse Pantheon of 2099 X-Force #91-93 One of the best X-covers ever Our favorite Siryn story Jesse Aaronson, penitent chef Sean Cassidy, penitent dad A realistically anticlimactic breakup Cassidy/Rourke history Bring Your Daughter to Crimes Day Napoleon Sanders An epistolary montage The dusty pink word balloons of Tom Waits A missed Manos-portunity The Chaos Engine Halloween Jack Domino’s varied musical tastes Ry’lor the Destroyer Kodo the Komodo Bedlam’s extremely situational powers Astarte and Electryon Horniness as a superpower The Temple of the Dying Sun Cable & Corsair’s (lack of) history Hope, Hope, Hope, Hope, Hope, and Hope NEXT EPISODE: Miles and guest host Devin talk X-Patrol, 1996's X-Force / Doom Patrol mash-up! Want to hire J&MXPtXM producer Matt Hunter to produce your podcast? Email him! Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog! Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!