In which Genosha gets better and/or worse; Fabian Cortez is the Secretary of Betrayal; having an action figure of yourself is the path to immortality; and Hammer Bay sounds like a sex toy company.

X-PLAINED:

• Triathlon
• The Revolution relaunch and the six-month gap
• Magneto: Dark Seduction #1-4
• Erotic skyscrapers
• Magneto (again) (forever)
• X-Men Tijuana Bibles
• The Genoshan Cabinet
• Dark friendship with benefits
• Polaris’s newfound interest in heavy metal
• Magneto’s on-again, off-again children
• Carrion Cove
• Coloring symbolism and/or errors
• Spat and Grovel (kind of)
• Magneto’s ancestral f**k-ghost
• Socialism!
• Magneto’s mysterious mind-voice
• Neal Conan
• The Avengers of 2000
• Kirby Krackle
• Magneto’s smooth arc into villainy
• Bonking
• Human nature
• Rachel Summers in the Body Shoppe
• Our (lack of) coverage of solo comics

NEXT EPISODE: X-Man!

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In which Alan Davis is Team Cyclops; everyone gets depowered; it’s hard to connect with kids your age when you’re a superhero; Sinister’s gotta sinister; everyone gets repowered; and the ‘90s were much more eclectic than they get credit for being.

X-PLAINED:

• Side effects of Decimation
• Uncanny X-Men #379-380
• X-Force #101
• X-Men #99
• Cadre K
• Summers family drama
• The High Evolutionary (more) (again)
• The (other) time all the mutants got depowered
• Kevin
• A very beautiful book
• The ongoing mess of Genoshan politics
• The Neo (slightly)
• To what extent Logan’s claws are a mutant power
• Sinister monologues
• Herbert Evolutionary
• The New New Men
• The ‘90s, in general
• What makes a Morlock

NEXT EPISODE: Magneto: Dark Seduction!

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In which reality shatters; Ghost Rider wants friends; Jay’s toddler weighs in on the X-Men; the Phoenix costume is pretty much perfect; Caliban puts all his resources into an epic mount; and the future is so bright you’re gonna need shades.

X-PLAINED:

• The Triune Understanding
• Ages of Apocalypse
• Uncanny X-Men #378
• Cable #77
• Wolverine #148
• X-Men Unlimited #26
• X-Men #98
• Earth-23378
• Things you can leave to people in a will
• The Silver Age, but different
• Apocaclops
• Aliya Dayspring
• Chronological inconsistencies
• Earth-2841
• The Harpy (Betty Ross)
• A very different Fantastic Four
• Earth-32000
• Siphon
• The moon
• Zackat (Wolverine) (long story)
• Erik the Red (more) (again)
• The Ladies Mastermind
• Cadre K
• Earth-32098
• X-World
• The prettiest X-Man
• The moon’s mutant power

NEXT EPISODE: Powerless!

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In which we remain adamant pro-POG advocates; Artie and Leech have adventures; Firestar and Emma Frost get some resolution; Santa Claus may or may not be the avatar of Cyttorak; Black Tom Cassidy exceeds expectations; and Monet has vampire problems.

X-PLAINED:

• Marvel’s Revolution line
• POGs (somewhat) (again)
• Who’s on Generation X these days
• Generation X #59-62
• Artie and Leech’s adventures in NYC
• Holidays at the Massachusetts Academy
• Cordelia Frost (more) (again)
• Mondo (the real one)
• Santa Claus / Juggernaut disambiguation
• An overly convoluted plot
• Parenting?
• St. Croix family problems
• Vampire problems
• Legacies of Generation X

NEXT EPISODE: Ages of Apocalypse!

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Meet Dani, Dani, Dani, and Dani. (X-Force #99)

In which we wrap up John Francis Moore’s run on X-Force; the Demon Bear returns (kinda); four Moonstars are not in fact better than one; the Queen of Star Swords is an extremely rad villain; and X-Force takes a very contained multiversal tour.

X-PLAINED:

• Multiversal canon
• X-Force #99-100
• The Demon Bear (more) (again)
• Arcadia DeVille (more) (again)
• Mary Weather
• Fenwick
• Meridian
• The Queen of Star Swords
• The Cathedral
• Cable (but not that Cable)
• The X-Forces of several universes
• Earth-3100
• Earth-10003
• Earth-130000
• Earth-8280
• Earth-23100
• Non-mutants on the X-Men
• The provenance of the Brood X-men

NEXT EPISODE: Mondo! (The real one, this time.)

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Classic (x2). (Warlock #2)

In which the Warlock ongoing series is fun, and fun is good; people should maybe leave Doug Ramsey’s grave alone; Tony Stark is probably not in touch with the Indigo Girls; the heroes skate awfully close to the “no killing” line; Bastion gets exhumed, rehumed, and re-exhumed; you should really read the Avengers Academy Infinity Comic; and you remain the best listeners of any podcast, ever.

X-PLAINED:

• X-related characters of Avengers Academy
• Warlock vol. 5, #1-9
• Warlock (more) (again)
• M-Tech
• Jay’s Bluey Test for all-ages media
• The visual semiotics of Warlock
• Project Mainspring
• Hope (Esperanza Ling)
• Chi-Chee
• Psi-cops
• Gatekeepers
• Technarchs
• The transmode virus
• A fancy hat
• Many guest stars
• The Phalanx (more) (again)
• Psiren
• Psimon
• The techno-mechanic virus
• Complicated feelings
• Psycho Man (more) (again)
• Astro-computers
• Hope’s actual powers
• Template
• Magus (more) (again)
• Avengers Academy Marvel Voices Infinity Comic
• Why there are so many Canadian comic-book writers
• Superhero comics vs. religious texts
• Defining heroism
• Escapade
• Captain America of the Railways
• Bloodline
• Red Goblin
• Moon Girl
• Kid Juggernaut
• Blackheart
• Ongoing storytelling
• Emplate as a queer character
• Marcus Wetherell
• What else to read if you love Avengers Academy Marvel Voices Infinity Comic
• The 11th Annual Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau Awards for Excellence at X-Cellence
• Many people to whom we are profoundly grateful

NEXT EPISODE: The return of the Demon Bear!

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In which you know it’s serious business when a logo gets smashed; the prophecy of the Twelve is an elaborate prank; we have a lot of Summers family feelings; Apocalypse is not a very good planner; and the Twelve reaches its conclusion.

X-PLAINED:

• Who Madelyne Pryor’s psychic ghost really is
• The story so far
• Uncanny X-Men #377
• Cable #76
• X-Men #97
• Perks of immortality
• A slightly gratuitous way to destroy an airplane
• Several doppelgangers
• Apocalypse’s big, stupid plan
• A fancy science machine
• The Atomium
• The Twelve
• The three elements
• The best issue of the Twelve
• Orb action
• Cable’s knowledge of history
• Summers feelings
• How to establish stakes
• Potato storms
• The mutant Skrulls (more) (again)
• Cadre K
• Categories of mutants
• How to beta test an Armageddon machine
• Alpha nerd Charles Xavier
• Weaponized continuity
• The color(s) of Cyclops’s eyes
• How to evoke Uncanny X-Men #137
• An unfortunate twist
• Mundane uses of superpowers
• The Altar
• What would have improved the Twelve

NEXT EPISODE: Winter Special!

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In which the Twelve should really be twelve chapters long; Archangel has issues; we continue to bemoan the absence of captions; the X-Men ditch their crossover event for a side quest; Magneto is Genosha’s official chaperone; and we would absolutely elect Emma Frost to a school board.

X-PLAINED:

• What Cable does next
• The event so far
• Wolverine #146-147
• Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999
• Whether the Shadow King is moist
• Why tiny cavemen can’t have nice things
• Numerous flashbacks and allusions
• Archangel’s third-stage evolution
• The Philharmonic Gets Dressed
• Abraham Kieros (again)
• Apocalypse as a self-help guru
• Fully nude Wolverine
• X-51 #8 (briefly)
• Fabian Cortez (more) (again)
• A miracle of magnetism
• Scomp linking
• A big fancy machine
• Exodus (more) (again)
• Mutants we’d like to see in public office
• The (theoretical) Essex administration

NEXT EPISODE: The Twelve concludes!

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Survival of the Toothiest (Cable #75)

In which we begin our coverage of The Twelve; Scott and Jean get sucked back in AGAIN; Apocalypse probably doesn’t tip; and we have become awfully fond of Cable.

X-PLAINED:

• A codename that deviates from common patterns
• The story so far
• Uncanny X-Men #376
• Cable #75
• X-Men #96
• Fiz the Skrull (again)
• The Twelve
• Foreshadowing, both accurate and otherwise
• The Living Monolith (more) (again)
• That one font
• Time-travel logic
• Cable vs. eyes
• Fabian Cortez (more) (again)
• A trap
• Why the Twelve are the Twelve
• The evolution of Cable

NEXT EPISODE: The Twelve continues!

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In which Cable may or may not have been a spokesperson for AT&T; it’s impossible to draw a CD dramatically; Wolverine gets his adamantium back; Apocalypse says the thing; and we probably can’t keep putting off The Twelve forever.

X-PLAINED:

• One way to dispose of a corpse
• Cable #73-74
• Wolverine #145
• Cable (more) (again)
• Poor font choice
• Sarcophagus nipples
• Caliban (more) (again)
• Impromptu tailoring
• A cliched vignette
• People talking on couches
• A compact disc
• Unpleasant reunions
• An impressive outfit
• Prior generations of horsemen of Apocalypse
• Wolverine (more) (again)
• How Wolverine ended up a horseman of Apocalypse
• Apocalypse’s aesthetic
• Wolverine vs. Hulk (yet again)
• Which version of Magik was on Krakoa
• An X-Men pitch in the style of Spidey and his Amazing Friends

NEXT EPISODE: The Twelve begins!

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In which the Shattering officially concludes; you can’t swoop over the phone; toddlers are engines of pure chaos; the X-Men do some processing; and we are mildly scandalized by the absence of footnotes.