Zen Parenting Radio

Todd and Cathy Adams

With Todd and Cathy Adams

  • 56 minutes 20 seconds
    Strong Enough to Connect: Masculinity, Humility, and Responsibility Episode# 809

    Todd and Cathy discuss a recent episode of survivor, Cathy’s frustration at Todd’s double parking, as well as humility, masculinity, responsibility, and emotional support in relationships.

    Some Ways to Support Us

      1. Order Restoring our Girls
      2. Join Team Zen
      3. Sign up for Cathy’s Substack
      4. Growing Our Girls discussion about Restoring Our Girls
      5. Fatherhood Full House
      6. Dark Side of the Moon Advance

    Links shared in this episode:

    Survivor 48 – Jeff Probst Gets Emotional as Eva Opens Up

    For the full show notes, visit zenparentingradio.com.

    This week’s sponsor(s):

    Other Ways to Support Us

    AI Summary

    Zen Parenting Radio: Humility & Survivor

    Todd and Cathy introduce episode 809 of Zen Parenting Radio, discussing potential topics including humility, masculinity, and responsibility. They promote Cathy’s new book “Restoring Our Girls” and mention upcoming virtual book club talks and in-person events. Todd also highlights their Zen Talk community and various micro-communities within Team Zen for parents seeking support. They then discuss a recent episode of Survivor, where a contestant named Eva had an intense emotional reaction during a competition, leading to Jeff Probst crying for the first time in 48 seasons.

    Joe’s Empathetic Actions in Survivor

    Todd discussed an emotional episode from the TV show Survivor where a contestant named Eva, who has autism, experienced a meltdown. Her teammate Joe, who was not on her team, helped calm her down by providing physical comfort and reassurance. Todd highlighted Joe’s actions as an example of masculinity, emphasizing that Joe’s caring and calm demeanor were more important than the game’s rules. Todd also suggested sharing this clip with children as a creative way to teach them about empathy and understanding.

    Todd’s Emotional Support and Survivor

    Todd expressed gratitude for the support he received from the team, emphasizing the importance of asking for and receiving help. He shared a personal experience of dealing with autism and the need for vulnerability. Todd also discussed the emotional impact of losing a pet and the importance of allowing oneself to feel and process emotions. He praised Jeff Probst’s ability to connect with the audience and share his own experiences as a parent. Todd concluded by highlighting the various aspects of the show Survivor, emphasizing its themes of teamwork, empathy, and human connection.

    Demonstrating Family Values Through Pop Culture

    Todd discussed the importance of demonstrating family values to children through pop culture examples and real-life experiences. He emphasized the need for parents to model humility and take responsibility for their actions, rather than blaming others. Todd also highlighted the need for children to understand that they have choices in life and should not blame others for their difficulties. The discussion also touched on the concept of humility and its importance in personal and professional life.

    Vulnerability and Humility in Relationships

    Todd discussed the importance of vulnerability and humility in personal and professional relationships. He emphasized that vulnerability is a sign of strength, as it allows for learning, taking responsibility, and seeking help. He also highlighted the negative impact of overpowering and win-at-all-costs mentality, which can lead to exhaustion and damaged connections. Todd encouraged the group to reflect on their own eulogies and consider qualities they want to be remembered for, rather than focusing solely on power and conquest. He defined humility as having a modest view of one’s own importance, recognizing the importance of learning from others, and acknowledging strengths and weaknesses without arrogance or insecurity.

    Todd’s Double Parking Frustration

    Todd expressed frustration about double parking outside Chipotle, which he felt was uncool and caused inconvenience to others. He also mentioned an incident where he was in a hurry to get food and blamed Chipotle for having a new dish that made him hungry. Kathy defended Todd’s actions, suggesting that he was just trying to get food quickly and that double parking was not a big deal. However, Todd insisted that double parking was not acceptable and that it was important to be mindful of others.

    Emotional Support in Relationships

    Todd discussed the importance of emotional support in relationships, using the example of Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco’s podcast interview. He emphasized the need for both partners to feel supported and loved, and how this can lead to a more successful relationship. Todd also shared his own experiences with his wife, highlighting the importance of active listening and empathy in maintaining a healthy relationship. He encouraged others to create the relationship they want, rather than simply accepting a passive or unequal dynamic.

    Parenting and Partnership: Humility and Connection

    Todd and Kathy discuss the complexities of parenting and partnership, focusing on the importance of supporting each other and repairing relationships after conflicts. They emphasize the value of humility and apologizing to children when mistakes are made, as it strengthens connections and prevents traumatic experiences. The conversation touches on the challenges of overcoming ingrained family patterns and the need for self-compassion in navigating these issues. They conclude by mentioning their financial advisor and a local painter, and reflect on the key themes discussed, including masculinity, humility, responsibility, and connection.

    1 April 2025, 10:00 am
  • 46 minutes 18 seconds
    Raising Kids Who Enjoy Learning- Episode# 808

    Todd and Cathy discussed the importance of raising kids who enjoy learning, emphasizing the need for a play-based learning environment and the importance of not overburdening children with academic tasks too early. They also highlighted the challenges faced by educators, including pressure from parents and curriculum requirements, and advocated for more creative and diverse teaching methods. The conversation also focused on parenting strategies, the role of teachers, and the need for parents to manage their children’s schoolwork, with a particular emphasis on understanding and supporting children’s identities and interests.

    Some Ways to Support Us

      1. Order Restoring our Girls
      2. Join Team Zen
      3. Sign up for Cathy’s Substack
      4. Growing Our Girls discussion about Restoring Our Girls
      5. Fatherhood Full House
      6. Dark Side of the Moon Advance

    Time Stamps

    4:08 Atlantic Article
    16:08 Education System
    34:53 Breakfast Club

    43:21 Be on your kids team **

    Links shared in this episode:

    For the full show notes, visit zenparentingradio.com.

    This week’s sponsor(s):

    Other Ways to Support Us

    AI Summary

    Meeting summary with AI Companion now supports additional languages in preview. Learn More

    Raising Kids Who Enjoy Learning
    In this episode of Zen Parenting Radio, Todd and Cathy discuss the importance of raising kids who enjoy learning. They explore the education system, focusing on the role of teachers and the impact of the system on children’s learning experiences. They also discuss parenting strategies and the need for parents to manage their children’s schoolwork. The conversation is based on an article from The Atlantic, which highlights the disengagement crisis among teenagers. The hosts emphasize the need for a play-based learning environment and the importance of not overburdening children with academic tasks too early. They also mention a book by Cathy Cassani Adams, “Restoring Our Girls,” which they encourage listeners to read.

    Education and Parenting Approaches
    The discussion focuses on education and parenting approaches. Todd and his partner emphasize the importance of allowing children to learn independently and fail, rather than constantly nagging or pressuring them. They argue that the purpose of education should be to develop critical thinking skills and a love for learning, not just to achieve high grades or get into prestigious schools. They criticize parents who intervene too much in their children’s education, suggesting that this can lead to disengagement and poor academic performance. The speakers also highlight the challenges faced by educators, including pressure from parents and curriculum requirements, and advocate for more creative and diverse teaching methods.

    Supporting Children’s Identities and Interests
    Todd discussed the importance of understanding and supporting children’s identities and interests, rather than pushing them towards predetermined paths. He emphasized the need for parents to be on their children’s teams, providing guidance and support rather than pressure. Todd also highlighted the importance of intrinsic motivation and allowing children to explore their passions, rather than solely focusing on academic success. He shared examples of how different children have found their own paths and encouraged parents to redefine what success means for their children.

    25 March 2025, 9:38 am
  • 1 hour 36 seconds
    “Adolescence” Episode 3- #807

    Todd and Cathy discussed their personal experiences and a Netflix miniseries called “Adolescence,”, focusing on issues such as gender dynamics, male rage, and online influences on young men. They explored the manosphere, its impact on society, and the importance of addressing digital sexism and male supremacy, while also examining family dynamics and communication styles between genders. They emphasized the need for understanding and addressing the experiences of boys and young men, encouraging open conversations about online content and emotions, and promoting positive relationships between genders.

    Some Ways to Support Us

      1. Order Restoring our Girls
      2. Join Team Zen
      3. Sign up for Cathy’s Substack
      4. Growing Our Girls discussion about Restoring Our Girls
      5. Fatherhood Full House
      6. Dark Side of the Moon Advance

    Time Stamps

    8:21 Adolescence

    13:00 Manosphere explained *

    26:04 Generational comparison *

    32:40 Men vs Women Comparison *

    55:12 Boy Values **

    Links shared in this episode:

    For the full show notes, visit zenparentingradio.com.

    This week’s sponsor(s):

    Other Ways to Support Us

    AI Summary

    Meeting summary with AI Companion now supports additional languages in preview. Learn More

    Quick recap

    Next steps

    • Parents to have conversations with their sons about emotions and healthy ways to express feelings.
    • Parents to discuss with their children what they are seeing online, especially related to the manosphere and bro culture.
    • Parents to listen to and discuss media their children consume (e.g. Joe Rogan, Jordan Peterson) to identify problematic content.
    • Parents to affirm their sons’ value and worth beyond grades, sports, or achievements.
    • Listeners to watch the Netflix series “Adolescence” and share their thoughts with Todd or Kathy via email.
    • Interested listeners to sign up for upcoming Zen Parenting events (Zen Talk, Team Zen community for differently wired children, Women’s Circle).
    • Interested fathers to join the Men Living weekly Full House meeting on fatherhood.
    • Interested men to sign up for the Men Living weekend in Virginia in September.

    Summary

    Discussing Netflix Miniseries on Adolescence
    The podcast hosts Todd and Kathy discuss their recent experience of putting down their pet rabbit after 11 years, expressing the emotional difficulty of making that decision. They then introduce a Netflix miniseries about adolescence, focusing on an episode featuring a 13-year-old boy who stabs and kills a 13-year-old girl. The series explores issues such as gender dynamics, male rage, and online influences on young men. Todd and Kathy plan to discuss the episode and encourage listeners to watch the series, which they believe raises awareness about important societal issues.

    Manosphere: Digital Sexism and Male Supremacy
    Todd discussed the manosphere, a network of online communities focused on men’s issues, including masculinity, gender dynamics, and men’s rights. He highlighted key subgroups within the manosphere, such as men’s rights activists, MGTOW (men going their own way), pickup artists, and red pill communities. Todd emphasized the importance of addressing the manosphere, as it represents an extreme form of digital sexism and male supremacy. He encouraged parents to engage in discussions with their children about these issues, as there is an ongoing emergency that needs to be addressed.

    Family Dynamics and Emotional Repression
    The episode explores the complex dynamics of a family dealing with a troubled 13-year-old boy named Jamie, who has committed a serious crime. The therapist, a woman in her late thirties or early forties, faces challenges from both Jamie and the male guard as she attempts to assess the boy. The father’s approach to parenting, influenced by his own upbringing, emphasizes improvement over his father’s generation but still struggles with emotional expression. The mother is portrayed as bearing the emotional labor for the entire family, helping her husband, son, and daughter process their feelings while receiving little support herself. The discussion highlights the pervasive influence of the manosphere on young men and the cycle of emotional repression in families.

    Gender Differences in Communication Styles
    Todd and his wife discuss their different listening styles when their daughter shared stories from her trip. Todd listened passively while his wife was more engaged, demonstrating typical gender differences in communication. They explore how women often share detailed stories to process experiences and emotions, while men tend to prefer bullet points. The conversation then shifts to a TV show where a female therapist uses deeper questioning techniques compared to a male therapist’s more superficial approach. Finally, they discuss a case involving a boy who stabbed a girl after she rejected and cyberbullied him, emphasizing that her actions, while hurtful, did not justify violence.

    Understanding Women’s Experiences and Patriarchy
    Todd discussed the issue of entitlement and the normalization of dehumanizing behavior, particularly in the context of men and women. He highlighted the cycle of hurt and the need for resilience and adaptation. Todd emphasized the importance of understanding women’s experiences and the need for men to learn the language of women. He also touched on the topic of patriarchy and the need for men to learn how to speak to women and girls in a way that is respectful and understanding.

    Gender Friendships: Todd’s Perspective
    Todd discussed the importance of having male and female friends, highlighting the cultural aspect of gender friendships. He shared his experiences of having strong female influences in his life, including his mother, sister, and wife. Todd also emphasized the significance of having male friends, which he believes is often overlooked. He mentioned his efforts in introducing his male friends to his female friends, and how this has led to the formation of strong friendships. Todd also touched upon the challenges of maintaining friendships as people grow older and become busier with their lives.

    Addressing the Manosphere’s Influence on Boys
    Todd discussed the importance of understanding and addressing the experiences of boys and young men, particularly in relation to the manosphere and its influence on their perceptions of masculinity. He emphasized the need for parents to engage in conversations with their children about the content they are exposed to online, and to encourage open expression of emotions. Todd also highlighted the importance of recognizing and addressing the potential harm caused by certain cultural and societal influences, rather than simply dismissing them. He stressed the need for boys to feel valued and worthy, and for parents to provide a supportive environment for their children to develop a positive sense of self.

    Addressing Male Rage and Violence
    Todd discussed the cycle of pain and violence, particularly in the context of male rage and its impact on women. He emphasized the need to address the root causes of such behavior and encouraged everyone to watch a show that explores these issues. Todd also mentioned a book about real conversations and their impact on daughters’ lives. He ended the conversation by thanking Jeremy Kraft for his contributions.

    18 March 2025, 10:00 am
  • 51 minutes 33 seconds
    Not Tuning Out—Just Engaging Differently Episode #806

    Todd and Cathy shared strategies for staying informed without burning out from the world, and the need for personal well-being for continued engagement and making a difference.

    Some Ways to Support Us

      1. Order Restoring our Girls
      2. Join Team Zen
      3. Sign up for Cathy’s Substack

    Links shared in this episode:

    For the full show notes, visit zenparentingradio.com.

    This week’s sponsor(s):

    1.  

    Other Ways to Support Us

    Bullet points- 

    • Set Boundaries
      • Allocate specific times for news consumption (e.g., 15 minutes in the morning or after work).
      • Avoid checking the news right before bed to protect your mental space.
    • Diversify Media Types
      • Switch between reading, podcasts, and videos to prevent fatigue.
      • Choose formats that feel manageable rather than overwhelming.
    • “Good Enough” Knowledge
      • You don’t need to know every detail about every issue. Aim for a solid understanding rather than full mastery.
    • Balance Heavy News with Positive Stories
      • Seek out hopeful, solution-focused reporting to counterbalance negative headlines.
    • Actionable Steps
      • When news feels overwhelming, channel that energy into something productive—donating, volunteering, or having meaningful conversations.
    • Self-Care
      • Recognize when you need to step away and give yourself permission to unplug without guilt.
    • Be Mindful of Social Media
      • Social media algorithms often amplify anxiety-inducing content. Consider limiting exposure or curating your feed to minimize stress.
    • Discernment
      • Ask yourself: Do I need to know this? How does this information serve me? This can help you focus on what truly matters.

    AI Summary

    Summary

    Parents’ Favoritism and Golden Child
    Todd discussed a study by the American Psychological Association (APA) that analyzed data from over 19,000 participants, revealing that parents tend to favor their daughters, eldest children, and more conscientious kids. Todd and the other participants debated the reasons behind this preference, with some suggesting it might be due to the child being easier to parent or more emotionally connected. They also discussed the concept of a “golden child” and how it might be perceived as a way for parents to feel good about themselves rather than a reflection of the child’s actual qualities.

    Todd Discusses Jill Scott and Philanthropy
    Todd discusses a song called “Golden” by Jill Scott, an R&B singer and actress known for her roles in Tyler Perry’s movies. He then shares positive news from the Good Good Good Newsletter, highlighting Travis Kelce’s donation of a mansion for homeless youth housing and Virginia lawmakers’ unanimous passage of a bill to educate the public about menstrual disorders. Todd expresses his preference for tangible philanthropic efforts and wonders about the implementation of the Virginia education initiative.

    Menopause Education and Self-Advocacy
    Todd discussed the lack of education on menopause for medical professionals, highlighting the need for women to advocate for themselves and seek information on the topic. He shared his personal experiences and the challenges of finding reliable information, emphasizing the importance of self-education and seeking specialists when necessary.

    Todd’s Reflection on Mary Oliver’s Poem
    Todd discussed a Mary Oliver poem that resonated with him, focusing on the themes of worry, self-improvement, and health. He emphasized the importance of recognizing when worry is not productive and instead choosing to “go out and sing,” suggesting that this mindset shift can be practiced over time. Todd clarified that the poem does not advocate for complete elimination of worry, but rather encourages individuals to recognize when they are stuck in a cycle of worry and to break free from it.

    Todd Discusses Trust and Communication
    Todd discussed the importance of trust and open communication in relationships, particularly in the context of parenting. He emphasized that snooping or hiding information is not a healthy approach and can damage relationships. Todd also shared his perspective on the balance between staying informed and avoiding excessive worry or fear. He used examples from popular culture to illustrate his points. The conversation ended with a discussion on the potential benefits of open communication and the importance of understanding human nature in relationships.

    Staying Informed Without Burning Out
    Todd discusses strategies for staying informed without burning out. He emphasizes setting boundaries around media consumption, diversifying media types, and aiming for “good enough” knowledge rather than trying to understand everything in depth. Todd suggests balancing negative news with positive stories, taking actionable steps when possible, practicing self-care, and being mindful of social media’s effects. He stresses the importance of discernment in choosing what information to consume and engaging differently rather than tuning out completely. The conversation concludes with the idea that maintaining personal well-being is crucial for continued engagement and making a difference.

    11 March 2025, 10:00 am
  • 48 minutes 29 seconds
    Holding It Together- Episode #805

    We discuss Women’s History Month, emphasizing the importance of understanding women’s experiences and challenges in society. They explore various aspects of women’s safety, cultural norms, and the need for men to engage with and support women’s issues. We also highlight the significance of nurturing relationships, adaptability, and women’s role in holding memories and creating change, while encouraging men to be curious and empathetic towards women’s experiences.

    Links shared in this episode

    Meryl Streep Speaking Men

    Women Holding Things

    For the full show notes, visit zenparentingradio.com.

    This week’s sponsor(s):

    Some Ways to Support Us

      1. Order Restoring our Girls
      2. Join Team Zen
      3. Sign up for Cathy’s Substack

    Other Ways to Support Us

    AI Summary

    Women’s History Month: Engaging Men
    Todd and Cathy introduce episode 805 of Zen Parenting Radio, focusing on Women’s History Month in March. They discuss the importance of men engaging with women’s issues, referencing Meryl Streep’s comments on how women have adapted to a male-dominated culture. Todd and Gabby emphasize that understanding women’s experiences is crucial for everyone, not just women. They also mention the origins of Women’s History Month, which began as a week-long observance initiated by President Jimmy Carter in 1980 before expanding to a full month in 1987.

    Women’s Safety and Hypervigilance Challenges
    Todd discussed the challenges faced by women in navigating public spaces and the responsibility that falls on them to stay safe. He highlighted the mental load of hypervigilance that women often have to bear and the expectation that they adapt to the unsafety of their lives. Todd also shared stories of women who have been abused, stalked, or terrorized, emphasizing the need for understanding and empathy. He suggested that the podcast could serve as a platform for men to understand the experiences of women and to speak up or take action when necessary. Todd also discussed specific cases, such as a professional tennis player who was stalked at a tournament, and the need for women to identify potential threats and take action to ensure their safety.

    Empowering Women Through Cultural Awareness
    Todd discussed the importance of understanding and addressing the cultural norms that contribute to a lack of safety for women. He emphasized the need for men to listen to women’s experiences and share them with others, particularly with their sons, to help shift the conversation towards prioritizing women’s safety. Todd also highlighted the interconnectedness of the pyramid of rape culture, starting with seemingly benign comments and jokes, which can lead to more severe acts of violence. He suggested that reading his book, “Restoring Our Girls,” could help men better understand women’s experiences and perspectives. Todd also recommended watching certain movies, such as “The Hunting Ground” and a documentary about rape kits, to gain insight into the issues faced by women.

    Political Disruptions at Town Hall Meeting
    Todd expressed concern about political disruptions and censorship at a recent Idaho Republican Town Hall meeting, where a woman was dragged out for asking questions. He also shared a video clip from Myra Kalman’s book, “Women Holding Things,” emphasizing the need to focus on positive aspects while acknowledging the real-world impact of these issues.

    Holding Relationships for Personal Growth
    Todd discussed the importance of holding and nurturing relationships, emphasizing that these connections are essential for personal growth and happiness. He contrasted this with the pursuit of power, money, and fame, which he believes can never fully satisfy an individual. Todd also highlighted the significance of humor and adaptability in navigating the challenges of life, particularly for women who have historically been expected to adapt to changing circumstances. He praised the work of Myra’s book and the concept of “holding” as a metaphor for the various responsibilities and relationships that women often undertake.

    Empowering Women’s Roles in Families
    Todd discussed how women play a significant role in holding memories, rituals, and providing emotional support in families. He emphasized the importance of women in creating change and their ability to bring people together. Todd also acknowledged the hard work women put in and encouraged men to be curious and empathetic towards women’s experiences. He ended the conversation by promoting a local business and mentioning an upcoming women’s group meeting.

    4 March 2025, 11:03 am
  • 1 hour 1 minute
    End of Discussion- Episode #804

    Todd and Cathy discussed the importance of critical thinking, the avoidance of thought terminating cliches, and the need for clear roles and expectations within their team. They also expressed concerns about the current state of the administration and its impact on society, and highlighted the importance of adapting to changing cultural norms and supporting children’s spiritedness. Lastly, they emphasized the need for open and honest conversations, and encouraged others to join Team Zen and support children’s feelings of unfairness.

    For the full show notes, visit zenparentingradio.com.

    Time Stamps

    13:47 Thought terminating cliches

    15:42 Todd gets himself into trouble *

    51:04 Fathering rebellious daughters *

    53:47 Three parenting thought terminating cliches *

    This week’s sponsor(s):

    Some Ways to Support Us

      1. Order Restoring our Girls
      2. Join Team Zen
      3. Sign up for Cathy’s Substack

    Other Ways to Support Us

    AI Summary

    Critical Thinking and Thought Termination
    Todd and Kathy discussed the importance of critical thinking and the avoidance of thought terminating cliches in discussions. They highlighted how these cliches can be used to manipulate and control conversations, often leading to unhealthy debates. Todd also introduced a new partner, David Serrano, who is a personal financial advisor. The conversation then shifted to a video clip featuring Ricky Pearsall, a 49er who was shot in the chest, discussing forgiveness. Todd contrasted Ricky’s approach to forgiveness with the idea of keeping discussions open, emphasizing the importance of kindness and compassion in these discussions.

    Avoiding Thought Terminating Clichés
    Todd discussed the concept of thought terminating cliches and their impact on critical thinking and communication. He shared his experience with a recent incident where he used a thought terminating cliche, which led to a misunderstanding. Todd emphasized the importance of recognizing and avoiding such cliches in conversations to encourage critical thinking and open communication. He also suggested alternative ways to respond to thought terminating cliches, such as asking for more information or expressing willingness to learn. The discussion highlighted the need for effective communication and understanding in personal and professional relationships.

    Adapting to Changing Cultural Norms
    Todd and his team discussed the importance of adapting to changing cultural norms, particularly for men who are struggling to evolve and learn new ways of compassion and understanding. They also explored the use of thought-terminating cliches, which can hinder meaningful discussions and limit personal growth. Todd highlighted the need for individuals to question and challenge these cliches, especially when they are used to silence or dismiss others, particularly women. The team also discussed the importance of supporting children’s spiritedness and questioning, rather than enforcing compliance, and the need for parents to engage in open and honest conversations with their children.

    Navigating Life’s Unfairness With Children
    Todd discussed the impact of a quote from his mother, born in 1925, who said “nobody ever said life was going to be fair.” He reflected on how this quote has influenced his parenting, particularly in relation to his daughter Skylar, a junior who qualified for the state finals in speech. Todd emphasized the importance of acknowledging and supporting children’s feelings of unfairness, rather than dismissing them with the idea that life is always fair. He also encouraged others to join Team Zen and highlighted Jeremy Kraft’s services as a painter and remodeler throughout the Chicagoland area.

    25 February 2025, 11:00 am
  • 55 minutes 42 seconds
    This Is So Awkward, Modern Puberty Explained- Episode #803

    Todd and Cathy talk with Cara Natterson MD and Vanessa Kroll Bennett, authors of This Is So Awkward, Modern Puberty Explained.  We share experiences and motivations for focusing on puberty and sex education. They also discussed the differences between traditional and progressive education systems, the influence of pornography on societal attitudes towards body hair, and the challenges parents face in navigating conversations about puberty and sexuality with their children. The group agreed on the importance of open communication, maintaining physical affection, and promoting bodily autonomy and agency in these conversations. 

    For the full show notes, visit zenparentingradio.com.

    Some Ways to Support Us

      1. Order Restoring our Girls
      2. Join Team Zen
      3. Sign up for Cathy’s Substack

    Other Ways to Support Us

    This week’s sponsor(s):

    • Avid Co DuPage County Area Decorating, Painting, Remodeling by Avid Co includes kitchens, basements, bathrooms, flooring, tiling, fire and flood restoration.
    • MenLiving – A virtual and in-person community of guys connecting deeply and living fully. No requirements, no creeds, no gurus, no judgements
    • Todd Adams Life & Leadership Coaching for Guys

    AI Summary

    Authors of “This Is So Awkward

    In the meeting, Todd and Kathy welcomed Cara Natterson and Vanessa Kroll Bennett, the authors of “This is So Awkward,” a podcast focusing on helping parents navigate puberty and adolescence. Cara is a pediatrician and best-selling author, while Vanessa is an educator and founder of Dynamo Girl, a program supporting girls’ confidence through sports and puberty education. The discussion was informal and conversational, with the hosts and guests sharing personal details about their lives and families.

    Balancing Traditional and Progressive Education

    Cara and Todd discuss the differences between traditional and progressive education systems, particularly focusing on exams and emotional intelligence. Cara shares her children’s experience transitioning from a progressive high school without exams to college, noting their initial struggle but eventual adaptation. Less describes her children’s school’s approach to exams, which balances academic assessment with emotional well-being. The group agrees that schools can incorporate both traditional and progressive elements, but it requires a willingness to change established practices and consider new approaches to scheduling and student well-being.

    Harlan Cohen’s Advice and LA Fires

    In the meeting, Less and Todd discussed their acquaintance, Harlan Cohen, who provides advice on managing college life. Todd shared his experience of sending Harlan’s content to his daughter. The conversation then shifted to Cara, who shared her personal experience of living close to the mandatory evacuation zone during the fires in LA. She expressed the city’s struggle with leadership and the emotional response to the fires. Todd acknowledged the destruction and thanked Cara for her insights, mentioning that people around the country were thinking about her and donating to recommended charities.

    Puberty Education and Parental Roles

    Todd, Vanessa, and Cara discussed their experiences and motivations for focusing on puberty and sex education. Vanessa shared how her coaching experience led her to found a company focused on girls’ emotional development, and she discovered the need for puberty education after coaching elementary school girls. Cara, a pediatrician, started writing parenting books and was introduced to the topic of puberty through her work with American Girl. Both agreed that puberty education is crucial due to the earlier onset of puberty in girls. The conversation then shifted to the roles of mothers and fathers in discussing puberty and sex with their children. Cara emphasized the need for both parents to be involved in these conversations, as the traditional approach of separating boys and girls for such discussions is outdated and limiting.

    Maintaining Physical Affection in Children

    In the meeting, the participants discussed the importance of maintaining physical affection and connection with children as they grow older. They highlighted the need for parents, particularly fathers, to continue showing love and affection even as their children develop and may not want to be hugged or cuddled as much. The group also discussed the challenges of navigating changing bodies and the importance of open communication about these changes. They emphasized the need for parents to be aware of their children’s needs and to adapt their approach to maintain a strong connection. The conversation also touched on the cultural shift towards more open displays of affection, particularly among teenage boys. The participants agreed that these conversations are essential for healthy relationships and to prevent feelings of shame or embarrassment.

    Body Hair and Societal Attitudes

    The participants discussed the influence of pornography on societal attitudes towards body hair, particularly pubic hair. They noted that the trend of body hair removal, especially among young people, has been escalating over the years. The conversation also touched on the concept of “manscaping” and how it has become a rite of passage for teenage boys. The group expressed concern about the negative messages young people are receiving about body hair and the need for constant reinforcement of natural body hair. They also discussed the impact of these attitudes on both boys and girls.

    Body Hair Removal Trends and Etiquette

    The discussion focuses on body hair removal trends and their implications. Todd and Cara talk about the marketing of hair removal products and the increasing popularity of permanent hair removal methods among young people. Cara emphasizes the importance of educating youth about the long-term consequences of permanent hair removal, as trends change over time. The conversation then shifts to the practical purposes of body hair, including eyebrows, pubic hair, and nose hair. The group concludes by discussing the importance of personal grooming and the etiquette of informing others about visible food or grooming issues.

    Navigating Puberty Conversations With Kids

    Todd, Cara, and Vanessa discussed the challenges parents face in navigating conversations about puberty and sexuality with their children. They emphasized the importance of using anatomically correct terminology, promoting bodily autonomy and agency, and discussing consent from an early age. They also addressed the issue of parents feeling overwhelmed by the rapid changes in the world and the need for updated, reliable information. The trio agreed to continue their work in providing such information through their podcast and book. They also expressed their desire to collaborate with Todd in the future.

    18 February 2025, 11:00 am
  • 1 hour 4 minutes
    How an Open Mind Strengthens Our Relationships- Episode #802

    Todd and Cathy reminisced about the evolution of telephones and shared their experiences with prank calls and shared phone lines. They also discussed the importance of open-mindedness, empathy, and understanding in human interactions, emphasizing the need to trust oneself and not rely solely on personal experiences or opinions. The conversation concluded with a reflection on the passage of time and the changing dynamics of family relationships. 

    For the full show notes, visit zenparentingradio.com.

    Some Ways to Support Us

      1. Order Restoring our Girls
      2. Join Team Zen
      3. Sign up for Cathy’s Substack

    Other Ways to Support Us

    This week’s sponsor(s):

    • Avid Co DuPage County Area Decorating, Painting, Remodeling by Avid Co includes kitchens, basements, bathrooms, flooring, tiling, fire and flood restoration.
    • MenLiving – A virtual and in-person community of guys connecting deeply and living fully. No requirements, no creeds, no gurus, no judgements
    • Todd Adams Life & Leadership Coaching for Guys

    AI Summary

    Quick recap

    Evolution of Telephones and Communication
    In the meeting, Todd and Cathy reminisced about their past experiences with telephones, discussing the evolution from rotary dials to cell phones. They talked about the busy signal, call waiting, and the introduction of Caller Id. They also discussed the shift from answering machines to voicemails, and the transition from writing down phone numbers to storing them in phones. They shared their experiences with prank calls, shared phone lines, and the use of 1-900 numbers. The conversation ended with a nostalgic look back at the days of holding phones in the bathroom or on stairs to maintain privacy.

    Jalen Hurts and Kendrick Lamar
    Todd discusses two topics from the Super Bowl: Jalen Hurts’ management team and Kendrick Lamar’s halftime performance. He praises Hurts for his succinct explanation of why he works with many women, stating it gives him “an eye that I didn’t have.” Regarding the halftime show, Todd describes Kendrick Lamar’s performance as filled with messages and Easter eggs, encouraging viewers to research the meaning behind the songs and imagery. He acknowledges that while not everyone may enjoy or understand Lamar’s music, there is value in being curious and open-minded about it.

    Overcoming Personal Experience Bias
    Todd discussed the importance of open-mindedness and the dangers of personal experience bias or anecdotal absolutism. He emphasized that everyone sees the world through their own lens, but it’s crucial to be open to learning from others’ experiences. Todd also differentiated between being curious and being willing to learn, noting that curiosity alone doesn’t necessarily lead to growth. He used the example of parenting to illustrate how being open-minded can broaden one’s perspective on the world. The discussion concluded with a reflection on the challenges of maintaining open-mindedness, particularly when faced with differing opinions.

    Navigating Trauma and School Refusal
    Todd shared a personal experience about navigating his daughter’s school refusal, contrasting it with a friend’s approach of forcing the child to attend school. Todd expressed his belief that his method, which involved allowing his daughter to calm down and then return to school, was more effective in maintaining a connection and avoiding potential trauma. He emphasized the importance of understanding that trauma can manifest differently in individuals and the need for open-mindedness in decision-making. Todd also discussed his past work as a therapist at a children’s hospital, where he observed the limitations of behavior modification programs and the importance of considering various aspects of human behavior in therapy.

    Maintaining an Open and Curious Mindset
    Todd discussed the importance of maintaining an open and curious mindset, contrasting it with a narrow mindset. He suggested that one can identify their mindset by observing their breathing patterns and body signals. Todd also highlighted the significance of active listening and the challenges it presents in podcasting. He further elaborated on various behaviors that indicate a narrow mindset, such as defensive postures, blaming others, clinging to opinions, suppressing emotions, using distractions, and avoiding disconfirming data. Todd emphasized the need for continuous improvement in these areas to foster a more open and receptive mindset.

    Empathy and Understanding in Interactions
    Todd discussed the importance of empathy and understanding in human interactions. He highlighted the tendency for people to dehumanize others and shut off their concern for others’ struggles. Todd also shared his personal experience of being sensitive to the emotions of others, which can be both a strength and a weakness. He acknowledged that his interpretations of others’ emotions might not always be accurate and emphasized the need for curiosity and open-mindedness in understanding others’ experiences.

    Distraction, Emotions, and Family Dynamics
    Todd and the speaker discussed the concept of distraction and its role in managing emotions. Todd initially viewed distraction as a negative, but later acknowledged its potential benefits, particularly in situations where one cannot directly help others. They also touched on the importance of giving individuals choices and autonomy, as opposed to imposing decisions on them. The conversation ended with a reflection on the passage of time and the changing dynamics of family relationships.

    Open-Mindedness, Empathy, and Anecdotal Absolutism
    Todd and his guest discussed the importance of open-mindedness, empathy, and seeking other perspectives. Todd shared his personal experiences of trying to avoid offending others and how he has evolved in his approach over time. They also touched on the dangers of anecdotal absolutism, where personal experiences are used as the sole basis for beliefs, and the importance of discerning sources of information. Todd emphasized the need to trust oneself and not rely solely on personal experiences or opinions. The conversation ended with a discussion on the role of the internet in shaping our understanding of reality and the importance of discerning sources of information.

    Empathy and Understanding in Life
    Todd discussed his experiences and how they have shaped his perspective on life. He emphasized the importance of empathy and understanding other people’s experiences, rather than being egocentric or dismissive. He used the example of privilege and the challenges faced by people from different backgrounds to illustrate his point. Todd also referenced Atticus Finch from the book “To Kill a Mockingbird” as a role model for empathy and understanding. He stressed the need to keep learning and listening to other people’s perspectives, rather than assuming one already understands their experiences.

    11 February 2025, 11:00 am
  • 1 hour 1 minute
    Flood the Zone: Staying Calm When Things Get Loud- Episode #801

    Todd and Cathy discussed the concept of “flooding the zone” in family dynamics and personal peace of mind, emphasizing the importance of critical thinking, discernment, and effective communication. They explored various strategies to manage the effects of flooding the zone, including being clear about core values, prioritizing and filtering information, and engaging with discernment. The discussion also touched on the importance of emotional regulation, resilience, and setting boundaries in parenting, as well as the role of physical touch and respect for children’s boundaries.

    For the full show notes, visit zenparentingradio.com.

    Some Ways to Support Us

      1. Order Restoring our Girls
      2. Join Team Zen
      3. Sign up for Cathy’s Substack

    Other Ways to Support Us

    This week’s sponsor(s):

    • Avid Co DuPage County Area Decorating, Painting, Remodeling by Avid Co includes kitchens, basements, bathrooms, flooring, tiling, fire and flood restoration.
    • MenLiving – A virtual and in-person community of guys connecting deeply and living fully. No requirements, no creeds, no gurus, no judgements
    • Todd Adams Life & Leadership Coaching for Guys

    AI Summary

    Meeting summary for ZPR Podcast Recording (02/03/2025)

    Quick recap

    Todd and Cathy discussed the concept of “flooding the zone” in family dynamics and personal peace of mind, emphasizing the importance of critical thinking, discernment, and effective communication. They explored various strategies to manage the effects of flooding the zone, including being clear about core values, prioritizing and filtering information, and engaging with discernment. The discussion also touched on the importance of emotional regulation, resilience, and setting boundaries in parenting, as well as the role of physical touch and respect for children’s boundaries.

    Summary

    Managing “Flooding the Zone” in Families
    In this episode of Zen Parenting Radio, Todd and Kathy discuss the concept of “flooding the zone,” a political tactic used to distract, confuse, or control the narrative. They explore how this tactic can be applied to family dynamics and personal peace of mind. Todd outlines six strategies to manage the effects of flooding the zone: being clear about core values, prioritizing and filtering information, pausing and reflecting, engaging with discernment, and educating and empowering oneself. The aim is to reduce the fear response and increase critical thinking skills to navigate overwhelming information and situations.

    Encouraging Critical Thinking in Children
    Todd discussed the importance of critical thinking and discernment in decision-making, using the example of a Gen X parent’s concern about her daughter’s outfit. He emphasized that providing answers and solutions to children stifles their critical thinking abilities and suggested that parents should encourage their children to think through their choices and decisions. Todd also mentioned the potential for this behavior to manifest in families, often unconsciously, and suggested that it could be a political strategy. He concluded by referencing movie scenes where parents struggle with effective communication and decision-making with their children.

    Flooding the Zone” in Family Dynamics
    Todd led a discussion about the concept of “flooding the zone” in family dynamics, using scenes from various movies as examples. He explained that this term refers to when one family member dominates a conversation or situation, often with negative or critical comments. Todd used examples from “Lady Bird,” “The Breakfast Club,” and “Dead Poets Society” to illustrate how this behavior can manifest in different relationships. He emphasized that while these behaviors may come from a place of worry or concern, they can still be damaging and hinder effective communication within a family.

    Effective Communication With Children
    Todd discussed the importance of effective communication with children, particularly in dealing with overwhelming situations. He emphasized the need to avoid criticizing or overwhelming children with multiple issues at once, instead focusing on one issue at a time. Todd also highlighted the importance of emotional regulation and validation, suggesting that parents should empathize with their children’s feelings and help them focus on one issue at a time. He further suggested that parents should offer comfort and support, rather than trying to solve all the child’s problems at once. Todd also touched on the concept of “parent flooding,” where parents, due to anxiety, tend to over-explain and talk too much, which can be overwhelming for children.

    Emotional Regulation and Authenticity in Teens
    Todd discussed the importance of emotional regulation and resilience during challenging times, particularly in the context of teenage years. He referenced a quote from Little Miss Sunshine, suggesting that these years are prime for struggling and learning valuable lessons. Todd also emphasized the need for authenticity in communication, advising against using quotes that may not resonate with one’s own experiences. He suggested that parents should validate their children’s feelings and offer support, rather than dismissing their emotions or implying that they will benefit from the experience.

    Emotions, Relationships, and Family Dynamics
    Todd discussed the various ways emotions and issues can arise within families and relationships. He highlighted the tendency for parents to become uncomfortable when their children express strong emotions, often leading to numbing or stoic behavior. Todd also touched on the issue of parental over-explaining, likening it to the ‘vacation’ scene from the movie ‘Vacation’. He further discussed the phenomenon of ‘piling on’ in arguments, where past grievances are brought up to escalate tension. Todd also mentioned the concept of ‘decision-making overload’ in family meetings, where numerous issues are discussed simultaneously, leading to inefficiency and frustration. He used the movie ‘Knives Out’ as an example of how unresolved issues and grudges can manifest in family dynamics.

    Managing Decision-Making and Emotional Regulation
    Todd discussed strategies for managing decision-making overload and emotional regulation. He emphasized the importance of focusing on one thing at a time and recognizing what can be controlled. Todd also highlighted the need for emotional regulation, particularly in situations where one’s nervous system is still in overdrive despite the absence of external pressures. He suggested taking a break and being aware of one’s thoughts and feelings to better manage stress and anxiety.

    Setting Boundaries and Reflective Listening
    Todd discussed the importance of setting boundaries and practicing reflective listening in conversations with children or partners. He emphasized the need to model calm responses when others are emotionally overwhelmed, and to avoid being reactive. Todd also highlighted the importance of role modeling boundaries for children, as they learn from observing their parents’ behavior. He shared personal experiences and encouraged the group to adopt a more balanced approach to their children’s activities, allowing for quiet time when needed. Todd also introduced the concept of “one out breath,” encouraging concise communication to avoid lengthy discussions.

    Emotional Regulation and Physical Touch
    Todd and his co-host discussed the importance of emotional regulation and physical touch in parenting. They emphasized the need for parents to remain calm when dealing with their children, as children tend to mirror their parents’ emotions. Todd also highlighted the importance of respecting children’s boundaries and not pushing them beyond their comfort levels. He shared personal experiences of how he and his co-host have maintained a consistent level of physical touch with their children as they grew older. Todd also mentioned two upcoming events related to his book, one in Chicago and another in Santa Monica, where he will be discussing the topic of restoring girls.

    4 February 2025, 1:05 pm
  • 53 minutes 53 seconds
    The Ten Best Moments- Episode #800

    Todd and Cathy discussed highlights from their recent Zen Parenting Conference, including various topics such as generational slang, societal challenges for boys and girls, and the importance of open communication with children. They reflected on the conference’s success, emphasizing the interactive nature of the event, the impact of guest speakers, and the significance of human connections. Todd also shared personal experiences and insights from the conference, expressing gratitude towards family, friends, and supporters while acknowledging the need for continued growth and adaptation in their initiatives.

    For the full show notes, visit zenparentingradio.com.

    Some Ways to Support Us

      1. Order Restoring our Girls
      2. Join Team Zen
      3. Sign up for Cathy’s Substack

    Other Ways to Support Us

    This week’s sponsor(s):

    • Avid Co DuPage County Area Decorating, Painting, Remodeling by Avid Co includes kitchens, basements, bathrooms, flooring, tiling, fire and flood restoration.
    • MenLiving – A virtual and in-person community of guys connecting deeply and living fully. No requirements, no creeds, no gurus, no judgements
    • Todd Adams Life & Leadership Coaching for Guys

    AI Summary

    Exploring Generational Slang Evolution
    Todd and Kathy discussed their top 10 best moments from their recent Zen Parenting Conference, also known as Zen Con 25. They shared various slang terms used by different generations, including “no cap,” “busen,” “slay,” “glaze,” “8,” “locked in,” “aura,” “bet,” “cooked,” “mogging,” “sigma,” “gang,” “take the L,” “unk,” “facts,” and “finna.” Todd also shared his experience with his daughters, Skylar and Jc, and how they use these terms differently. The discussion aimed to help listeners understand the current slang used by different generations and how it has evolved over time.

    Zen Parenting Conference Success and Future
    Todd discussed the success of the Zen Parenting Conference, highlighting the interactive nature of the event, including the use of cards on the tables for speakers and a “Good Intentions” wall. He expressed his gratitude towards the conference’s sponsors and attendees, emphasizing the positive impact they have on the world. Todd also mentioned the team Zen get-together, which has become a yearly tradition for many attendees, fostering strong friendships and connections. He suggested the possibility of organizing a smaller, more intimate event in the future, possibly at a retreat center.

    Todd’s Conference Experience and Discussion
    Todd shared his experiences from a recent conference, highlighting the social aspects and the importance of human connections. He also mentioned a special moment dedicated to Millie, who was unable to attend due to health issues. Todd then discussed the format of the conference, emphasizing the need for more interaction and space for questions. He shared his experience of a session with Dr. John Duffy, where they discussed their respective books and the questions they received from the audience. Todd expressed satisfaction with the session, noting that it went beyond the initial topic and allowed for a more engaging and interactive discussion.

    Adaptation and Leadership in Changing World
    Todd and John discussed the challenges faced by girls and boys in adapting to a changing world. They emphasized the importance of adaptability, particularly for girls who have had to continuously adapt to a world predominantly run by men. They also discussed the need for boys to adapt to a culture that requires more compassion and understanding. Todd suggested that boys could adapt to new roles in industries such as teaching and social work, which are currently underrepresented. The conversation also touched on the role of parenting and leadership in shaping the next generation’s perspectives and behaviors. Todd and John encouraged parents to engage in conversations with their children about the messages they receive from various sources, rather than shutting them down.

    Navigating Beauty Standards and Media Influence
    Todd discussed the complexities of societal beauty standards and the influence of media on individuals, particularly young girls. He highlighted the confusion and pressure girls face due to the portrayal of beauty in media, such as makeup and clothing. Todd also touched on the importance of understanding the history of oppression faced by women and girls, and the need to adapt and overcome these challenges. He suggested that parents should engage in open and honest conversations with their children about these issues, rather than demonizing certain aspects of society. Todd also mentioned the need to balance discussions about body image and societal expectations for both boys and girls.

    Addressing Podcast Host Criticisms
    Todd discusses receiving feedback from listeners who express concern that he doesn’t speak enough on the podcast or that his co-host overpowers him. He clarifies that this is not the case, emphasizing that he has ample opportunities to contribute and that their dynamic works well. Todd also mentions feeling nervous about speaking without notes during a live presentation, but his co-host encouraged him to be more spontaneous. The conversation touches on the different pressures and criticisms faced by podcast hosts, particularly noting that Todd’s co-host experiences more scrutiny.

    Balancing Seriousness and Levity in Groups
    Todd discussed his approach to different social settings, acknowledging the need to balance his serious demeanor in men’s groups with a lighter, more lighthearted approach. He also considered adding a new suggestion to the men living group, focusing on levity. Todd and his partner, Kathy, also discussed their approach to their podcast, emphasizing the importance of feeling and not forcing things. The conversation also touched on the importance of grassroots leadership and the role of mentors in personal growth. Todd shared his appreciation for a talk by Jay Alvarez and Brittany Egan about being an ally to the LGBTQ+ community, and he highlighted the importance of mentorship in their lives.

    Personal Growth, Movies, and Music
    Todd discussed the previous CEO of Men Living, Tony Schmidt, and their work in personal growth and law enforcement. He praised Dr. Alexandra Solomon’s keynote speech on healthy conflict and vulnerability mapping. Todd also mentioned the importance of movies and music in setting the tone for their events, using clips from movies and TV shows to engage the audience. He shared a personal anecdote about an argument with a friend about Natalie Merchant’s concert setlist, which was resolved when Glenn Phillips from Toad the Wet Sprocket listened to their podcast and played a song from it during their event. Todd expressed his appreciation for the guest speakers and the overall experience of the event.

    Todd’s Gratitude and Conference Update
    Todd expressed his gratitude towards his family and friends for their unwavering support and encouragement. He highlighted the importance of their presence at the Zen Parenting Conference, which he described as a party. Todd also mentioned that the conference was a significant event for him and his family, with his daughter missing a speech event to attend. He acknowledged the need for a break after the conference but assured that they would continue with their initiatives. Todd also encouraged those who attended the conference to continue supporting them and thanked Jeremy Kraft for his contributions.

    28 January 2025, 11:00 am
  • 54 minutes 10 seconds
    5 Things to be Optimistic About- Episode # 799
    Todd and Cathy discussed the importance of optimism, perseverance, and emotional intelligence in personal and professional development, using examples from their experiences and current events. They also highlighted the impact of independent filmmakers and digital platforms on the entertainment industry, and expressed optimism about the growing understanding and research on menopause and women's health. Lastly, they emphasized the need for expanding one's awareness and perspective, and the importance of self-compassion and nurturing relationships in personal growth.
    21 January 2025, 11:00 am
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