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Zen Parenting Radio

Todd and Cathy Adams

With Todd and Cathy Adams

  • 43 minutes 54 seconds
    One-Way Connection- Episode #794

    Todd & Cathy discussed the release of Cathy’s book “Restoring Our Girls,” which focuses on challenges faced by teenage girls. Todd shared insights on making P, B, & J’s, parenting, particularly maintaining connections with his daughters as they mature and become more independent.

    For the full show notes, visit zenparentingradio.com.

    Some Ways to Support Us

      1. Pre-Restoring our Girls
      2. Register for the Workshop
      3. Attend ZenCon 25
      4. Join Team Zen
      5. Sign up for Cathy’s Substack

    Other Ways to Support Us

    This week’s sponsor(s):

    • Avid Co DuPage County Area Decorating, Painting, Remodeling by Avid Co includes kitchens, basements, bathrooms, flooring, tiling, fire and flood restoration.
    • MenLiving – A virtual and in-person community of guys connecting deeply and living fully. No requirements, no creeds, no gurus, no judgements
    • Todd Adams Life & Leadership Coaching for Guys

    AI Summary

    Cathy’s Book Release and Workshop

    Todd’s Frustration and Daughter’s Schedule

    Todd shared his frustration about making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, specifically the clumpiness of the jelly. He learned from someone that putting the jelly on the peanut butter makes it easier to spread. He then shifted the conversation to his frustration with his daughter’s busy schedule, particularly during her junior high school years. He acknowledged that he tends to forget how busy his daughter is during this time. Todd also mentioned that he had been venting to Cathy about his frustration. He then read a paragraph from a book, which he felt was written specifically for him on that day.

    Navigating Parental Relationships and Rejection

    Todd discussed the challenges of maintaining a relationship with his daughters as they mature. He acknowledged that he sometimes feels hurt when they prefer to spend time with friends or alone rather than with him. Todd recognized that he has not experienced rejection in the same way as others, having had a series of relationships since he was 12. He suggested that this lack of experience with rejection has made it difficult for him to handle his daughters’ independence. Todd also noted that parenting can be messy and harder to define when it comes to understanding his daughters’ preferences.

    One-Way Connections in Parenting Discussed

    Todd discussed the concept of one-way connections, particularly in the context of parenting. He emphasized the importance of providing support and stability to children without expecting anything in return. Todd also touched on the idea of letting children grow and develop their own relationships, even if it means they pull away from their parents at times. He shared personal experiences with his daughters, noting that they eventually return, but in a more mature and independent way.

    Todd’s Parenting Strategies and Boundaries

    Todd discussed his approach to maintaining connections with his children, emphasizing the importance of small, one-way gestures such as sending texts and pictures throughout the day. He shared an example of how he surprised his daughter with a quiet morning and a new shower curtain for her bathroom. Todd also highlighted the importance of setting boundaries and expectations for his children, such as informing him about their whereabouts and following through with commitments. He expressed his belief that these small actions and expectations contribute to a sense of security and comfort in the home.

    Empathy and Perspective in Parenting

    Todd discussed the importance of understanding and empathizing with children’s experiences, rather than judging them. He emphasized the need for parents to have a wider perspective on the world and to see things from their children’s point of view. Todd also highlighted the importance of self-compassion, self-forgiveness, and self-acceptance in parenting. He shared personal anecdotes about his daughters, illustrating how they sometimes need time to catch up with their parents due to their busy lives. Todd concluded by stressing the need for parents to be open to their children’s experiences and not to judge them for being busy.

    Planning Family Activities and Games

    Todd shared his enthusiasm for planning family activities, emphasizing his preference for setting up games and movie nights with specific rules and timings. He also discussed his stress around these activities, suggesting that he should let go a bit and allow others to join in at their own pace. Todd also introduced a game called “Cones of Dunshire” which he had learned from his daughters and was eager to play. The game involves rolling dice, building civilizations, and accumulating cones to win.

    Zen Con 25 and Attendance Balance

    Todd discussed the upcoming conference, the Zen con 25, which is the last one. He emphasized the need for a more balanced gender representation, with more men and dads attending. He also mentioned the various speakers and activities planned for the conference. Todd encouraged everyone to attend, even if they face financial constraints, and assured that arrangements could be made to accommodate them. He also addressed the issue of delayed book deliveries, apologizing for the inconvenience and promising to look into the matter.

    17 December 2024, 11:00 am
  • 51 minutes 37 seconds
    Do Your Teens Wait Until Night To Open Up- Episode #793

    Cathy & Todd discussed the release of Cathy’s fifth book, the importance of allowing oneself and one’s children to express their true selves, and the challenges of parenting. They also shared personal stories about their daughters and the reasons behind children unloading their emotions at night. Lastly, they emphasized the importance of emotional release, creative problem-solving, and maintaining stability for children.

    For the full show notes, visit zenparentingradio.com.

    Some Ways to Support Us

      1. Pre-order Restoring our Girls
      2. Register for the Workshop
      3. Attend ZenCon 25
      4. Join Team Zen
      5. Sign up for Cathy’s Substack

    Other Ways to Support Us

    This week’s sponsor(s):

    • Avid Co DuPage County Area Decorating, Painting, Remodeling by Avid Co includes kitchens, basements, bathrooms, flooring, tiling, fire and flood restoration.
    • MenLiving – A virtual and in-person community of guys connecting deeply and living fully. No requirements, no creeds, no gurus, no judgements
    • Todd Adams Life & Leadership Coaching for Guys

    Summary

    Cathy’s Book Release and Workshop

    In this episode of Zen Parenting Radio, Todd and Cathy discussed the upcoming release of Cathy’s fifth book, “Restoring Our Girls,” which is set to be released on December 10th. They also announced a free workshop on December 16th for those who have purchased the book, focusing on how to have conversations with daughters. Todd emphasized the importance of the book and the workshop, stating that it would be a valuable resource for parents seeking to understand their daughters better. The episode concluded with a reminder about the last in-person conference scheduled for January 24th and 25th, with details to be provided later.

    Wicked’s Themes and Personal Expression

    Cathy & Todd discuss the musical Wicked and its themes of conditioning and conformity. Cathy shares a personal story about dressing up as Dorothy for Halloween multiple years as a child, and how other boys’ reactions made her consider conforming to more stereotypically masculine costumes. This leads to a broader discussion about the importance of allowing oneself and one’s children to express their true selves rather than conforming to societal expectations. They also briefly mention their experience watching the Wicked movie and how it relates to these themes.

    Leading in Parenting and Communication

    They explored the idea of leading as a parent, including allowing children to lead and taking the initiative to reconnect with them as they grow. They also discussed the challenges of having real conversations with children, particularly when they come to their parents late at night. Todd emphasized the importance of validating children’s feelings without agreeing with them, and the potential for children to sense their parents’ emotions even when they are not explicitly expressed.

    Finding Acceptable Communication Methods

    They shared a personal story about their daughter who preferred writing letters to expressing her feelings verbally. This method allowed her to share her emotions in a less overwhelming way. They emphasized the importance of finding a method that works for both parent and child, rather than insisting on a specific way of communication. They also highlighted the need for parents to be open and accepting of their children’s unique ways of expressing themselves, rather than imposing their own expectations or preferences.

    Understanding Children’s Emotional Unloading

    They discussed the reasons behind children unloading their emotions at night. They emphasized that it’s not due to a desire to be annoying, but rather a genuine emotional release after a day of heightened feelings and stress. Cathy also highlighted the importance of understanding that these unfiltered emotions may not always reflect the child’s full reality or perspective. They used a personal anecdote to illustrate this point, where a mother’s concerns about her daughter’s school experience were not entirely accurate. They concluded by suggesting that these emotional releases are akin to unloading baggage, allowing the child to see things more clearly.

    Emotional Release and Parenting Strategies

    They discussed the importance of emotional release and creative problem-solving in parenting. Cathy emphasized the need for parents to be adaptable and flexible, rather than rigidly adhering to a single approach. They also highlighted the significance of setting boundaries and understanding the needs of children, using examples from his own experiences with his daughters. Todd encouraged parents to be creative in their interactions with their children, suggesting that this approach can help maintain a strong connection.

    The Spiritual Significance of Sneezing

    They discussed the importance of releasing emotions and thoughts through sneezing, likening it to a spiritual release. He shared his belief that sneezing is a natural way to let go of energy and emotions, and that it’s unhealthy to suppress sneezes. Cathy also mentioned his habit of holding in sneezes in public settings, like weddings or airplanes, to avoid disturbing others. They emphasized the need for balance between releasing emotions and being considerate of others’ feelings.

    Parenting Challenges and Emotional Support

    They discussed the challenges of parenting and the importance of maintaining stability and sturdiness for children. He emphasized the need to be present and supportive during difficult conversations, even if it’s hard to do so. Cathy also shared her personal experiences of dealing with turbulence and the importance of not making a habit of falling apart in front of children.

    3 December 2024, 11:00 am
  • 59 minutes 14 seconds
    Teens Helping Teens Navigate Mental Health- A Conversation with the Founders of Chase Light- Episode #792

    This week’s podcast features a chat with three high school seniors from Hinsdale Central, just outside of Chicago. Zara, Rami, and Molly have started Chase Light, a group focused on breaking down the stigma around mental health and offering support to their peers. They were inspired by the community support seen in Alcoholics Anonymous and want to help other teens deal with stress and mental health issues that are common in high school. They talk honestly about how adults often don’t quite understand what teens need when it comes to mental health and give some ideas on what could be better. They also discuss how smartphones and social media add to the stress, making this a really relevant conversation for both parents and teens. Tune in to hear their stories and the positive impact they’re aiming to have.

    For the full show notes, visit zenparentingradio.com.

    Some Ways to Support Us

      1. Attend ZenCon 25
      2. Pre-order Restoring our Girls
      3. Join Team Zen
      4. Sign up for Cathy’s Substack

    Other Ways to Support Us

    This week’s sponsor(s):

    • Avid Co DuPage County Area Decorating, Painting, Remodeling by Avid Co includes kitchens, basements, bathrooms, flooring, tiling, fire and flood restoration.
    • MenLiving – A virtual and in-person community of guys connecting deeply and living fully. No requirements, no creeds, no gurus, no judgements
    • Todd Adams Life & Leadership Coaching for Guys

    AI Summary

    Quick recap

    The group discussed the challenges faced by young men in expressing their emotions and the societal pressures that contribute to these behaviors. They also explored the impact of social media on their lives, with Zara sharing her personal experience of deleting social media for six months and Rami using it as a motivation. Lastly, they shared techniques for managing stress and anxiety, with Zara emphasizing the importance of planning, taking breaks, and listening to their kids.

    Next steps

    • Parents to practice active listening and avoid being overbearing when their children share concerns or struggles.
    • Students to explore healthy ways to manage stress, such as planning their day, taking breaks, or using music to relax.
    • Parents to prioritize self-care while supporting their children’s mental health and well-being.

    Summary

    Overcoming Emotional Vulnerability in Society
    Zara shared her personal journey of overcoming her initial reluctance to discuss her feelings and how it led her to create an organization to help others navigate similar situations. She highlighted the challenges faced by young men in expressing their emotions, attributing this to societal expectations and the need to appear tough. Zara’s friends, Molly and Sarah, agreed with her observations, noting the difference in vulnerability between young men and women. Todd, the facilitator, acknowledged the challenges faced by both genders and emphasized the importance of emotional vulnerability in connecting with others. The group agreed that societal expectations and conditioning play a significant role in shaping these behaviors.

    High School Pressure and Competition
    Todd and Zara discussed the pressure and competitiveness they feel in their high school community, particularly regarding college applications. Zara shared her personal experience of feeling pressure to attend a prestigious college, despite her parents not being overly concerned about her choice. She also mentioned the influence of social media, such as TikTok, where students share their college acceptances and extracurricular activities, creating a sense of competition. Todd acknowledged the cultural and societal factors contributing to this pressure, and Zara agreed that it was not just coming from parents or school advisors, but also from peers and social media.

    Social Media Perspectives and Usage
    In the meeting, Zara, Rami, and Todd discussed their perspectives on social media. Zara expressed her belief that social media can be both positive and negative, depending on the platform and how it’s used. She also shared her personal experience of deleting social media for six months during Covid, which made her the happiest person on earth. Rami, on the other hand, uses social media as a motivation to improve himself. Todd agreed with both perspectives, noting that social media can be both fun and toxic. The group also discussed the hypocrisy of parents telling their kids not to use social media while they themselves use it. Zara suggested that parents should have conversations with their kids about social media rather than punishing them for using it. The group also discussed the importance of having activities and scheduling things in their day to avoid addiction to social media.

    Managing Stress and Music Preferences
    In the meeting, Todd, Zara, and Molly discussed techniques for managing stress and anxiety. Zara shared her strategy of planning her day, which helps her stay organized and reduces stress. She also mentioned that she takes breaks when feeling overwhelmed and tries to approach tasks with a fresh mind. Molly agreed with Zara’s approach and added that music helps her stay motivated and in a better mood. The group also discussed their favorite artists and music genres, with Zara expressing a preference for 2016 music and Molly appreciating a variety of genres. Lastly, Zara emphasized the importance of listening to their kids and taking care of themselves while supporting their children.

    26 November 2024, 11:00 am
  • 41 minutes 36 seconds
    Adapt- Parenting Through The Lens Of Spiral Dynamics- Episode #791

    Cathy & Todd discussed the concept of Spiral Dynamics, a theory about human evolution and societal development, and its application in parenting and relationships. They emphasized the importance of balance, flexibility, and empathy in understanding different stages of development and maintaining a strong value system. They also touched on the interconnectedness of values and the need for critical thinking. 

    For the full show notes, visit zenparentingradio.com.

    Some Ways to Support Us

      1. Attend ZenCon 25
      2. Pre-order Restoring our Girls
      3. Join Team Zen
      4. Sign up for Cathy’s Substack

    Other Ways to Support Us

    This week’s sponsor(s):

    • Avid Co DuPage County Area Decorating, Painting, Remodeling by Avid Co includes kitchens, basements, bathrooms, flooring, tiling, fire and flood restoration.
    • MenLiving – A virtual and in-person community of guys connecting deeply and living fully. No requirements, no creeds, no gurus, no judgements
    • Todd Adams Life & Leadership Coaching for Guys

    AI Summary

    Exploring Spiral Dynamics and Evolution

    Todd discussed the concept of spiral dynamics, a theory about how societies and individuals evolve over time. He mentioned that he based his new book on this idea, focusing on the yellow level of evolution, which he hopes society is currently reaching. Todd also shared his personal connection to the topic, mentioning that he listened to others process through the complex theory. He briefly touched on the idea of colors representing different levels of evolution, but did not delve into specifics.

    Exploring Spiral Dynamics and Compassion

    Todd discussed the concept of Spiral Dynamics, a model that helps understand human behavior and evolution. He explained that people often revert to earlier stages of development, such as the survival mindset (Beige) or tribal understanding (Purple), depending on their circumstances. Todd also mentioned the importance of compassion in understanding these different stages. He ended the discussion by briefly touching on the last stage, Turquoise, which represents a holistic and interconnected mindset.

    Exploring Color Associations and Personalities

    Todd discussed the different personality traits associated with various colors, focusing on red, blue, and orange. He described red as assertive, powerful, and impulsive, often associated with authoritarian leaders. Blue, he explained, is about valuing order, authority, and structure, and is common in religious leaders and conservative politicians. Orange, he noted, is about enthusiasm, playfulness, and a desire for excitement. Todd also shared his personal experiences and connections to these colors, using Taylor Swift songs and personal anecdotes to illustrate his points.

    Balancing Human Nature in Society

    Todd discussed the importance of balance in society, focusing on the different aspects of human nature represented by the colors red, blue, orange, and green. He highlighted the potential pitfalls of each color, such as the shadow of green, which can lead to idealism versus practicality and exclusion in the name of inclusion. Todd emphasized the need for a more inclusive and empathetic society, but also acknowledged that there is still work to be done to achieve this balance.

    Adapting Parenting Styles for Change

    Todd discussed the importance of adapting and being flexible in parenting, drawing from the concept of yellow in the context of spiral dynamics. He emphasized that parenting styles should evolve to meet the changing needs of children, rather than relying on traditional methods. Todd also introduced a book, “Restoring Our Girls,” which explores the values of yellow and how they can be applied in parenting. He highlighted the need for integrating different concepts and understanding that multiple things can be true at once. Todd also touched on the importance of empathy and innovation, using the example of the TV show “Law and Order” to illustrate the balance between structure and adaptability.

    Critical Thinking in Polarized Society

    Todd discussed the importance of critical thinking and its role in preventing abusive relationships, high control groups, cults, and conspiracy theories. He emphasized that critical thinking is not solely about education, but also about being able to see things from multiple perspectives and understanding other people’s viewpoints. Todd also highlighted the current polarized society and how certain groups benefit from pushing people apart. He mentioned his past experiences with philosophy majors who claimed that business schools teach what to think, while philosophy teaches how to think.

    Balancing Perspectives in Parenting and Relationships

    Todd discussed the challenges of parenting and maintaining emotional regulation. He emphasized the importance of having a flexible mindset, being open to understanding the needs of others, and finding a middle ground in relationships. Todd also highlighted the need for resilience, creative thinking, and non-reactivity in parenting. He used the example of parenting as a metaphor for relationships and client interactions, suggesting that finding a balance between different perspectives is crucial for effective communication and understanding.

    Global Collective Consciousness and Values

    Todd discussed the concept of a global collective consciousness and the interconnectedness of values. He differentiated between various levels of thinking, such as blue, red, purple, yellow, and turquoise, with turquoise representing a holistic, spiritual viewpoint. Todd emphasized the importance of taking radical responsibility for one’s life and the potential for society to evolve towards a more holistic understanding. He also highlighted the need for flexibility and openness, rather than being certain about one’s beliefs.

    Embracing Flexibility in Value Systems

    Todd discussed the importance of flexibility and adaptability in maintaining a strong value system. He emphasized that while it’s crucial to have a core set of values, it’s equally important to be flexible and understanding in different situations. Todd used the example of yelling at children, suggesting that while it may not align with a value of kindness, it could be a necessary response in a safety situation. He also mentioned the need to avoid becoming overly literal or rigid in one’s thinking, and to be open to different perspectives. Todd concluded by sharing a song, “Turquoise Days,” which he found to be relevant to the discussion.

    Developmental Stages and Societal Balance

    Todd discussed the concept of developmental stages in societies, emphasizing that each stage is appropriate for specific life conditions and challenges. He rejected the idea of a sequential progression, suggesting that individuals can exhibit traits from multiple stages and may regress or advance based on circumstances. Todd also highlighted the importance of balance in a society, requiring elements like lawfulness, innovation, and rule-breaking. He concluded by stressing the need for flexibility and inclusiveness in the community’s evolution.

    Exploring Spiral Dynamics and Zencon 2025

    Todd discussed the concept of Spiral Dynamics, a framework for understanding human development and societal progress. He mentioned Ken Wilbur, a prominent figure in this field, and suggested that Spiral Dynamics could be used to empathize with others and understand societal issues. Todd also mentioned a forthcoming conference, Zencon 2025, and encouraged listeners to attend if interested. He emphasized that financial constraints should not prevent participation, as scholarships are available. Lastly, he thanked Jeremy Kraft for his long-term sponsorship.

    19 November 2024, 11:00 am
  • 37 minutes 25 seconds
    Helping our Kids Feel Less Alone- Episode # 790

    Todd and Cathy emphasized the importance of understanding and connecting with daughters, using Cathy’s upcoming book on parenting girls as a guide. They shared personal experiences and strategies for maintaining strong relationships with children, highlighting the need for physical presence, understanding, and adapting communication styles. They also stressed the importance of respecting individual needs and preferences, and encouraged the use of humor and creativity in communication, while also promoting community and optimistic perspectives.

    For the full show notes, visit zenparentingradio.com.

    Some Ways to Support Us

      1. Attend ZenCon 25
      2. Pre-order Restoring our Girls
      3. Join Team Zen
      4. Sign up for Cathy’s Substack

    Other Ways to Support Us

    This week’s sponsor(s):

    • Avid Co DuPage County Area Decorating, Painting, Remodeling by Avid Co includes kitchens, basements, bathrooms, flooring, tiling, fire and flood restoration.
    • MenLiving – A virtual and in-person community of guys connecting deeply and living fully. No requirements, no creeds, no gurus, no judgements
    • Todd Adams Life & Leadership Coaching for Guys

    AI Summary

    Meeting summary with AI Companion now supports additional languages in preview. Learn More

    Meeting summary for ZPR Podcast Recording (11/11/2024)

    Quick recap

    Cathy’s Book on Parenting Girls
    Todd discusses the importance of Cathy’s upcoming book on parenting girls, even though the current focus is on issues facing boys. He emphasizes that girls’ struggles should not be overlooked based on data suggesting they perform better academically. Cathy’s book highlights the value “Connect with me” by addressing daughters’ desire to feel understood and less alone. Todd praises the book for capturing Kathy’s natural parenting wisdom beyond just summarizing previous advice.

    Navigating Parent-Child Connection Challenges
    Todd discussed the challenges of maintaining a strong connection with daughters in a society filled with distractions. He introduced a book as a roadmap for staying connected, both energetically and conversationally. Todd emphasized the importance of understanding the natural process of differentiation in children, which can be both heartbreaking and liberating for parents. He shared a personal experience of trying to connect with his daughter, highlighting the need to consider the child’s perspective and not force connection. Todd also introduced the concept of “When I know you’re thinking of me, I feel less alone,” suggesting that parents should find creative ways to check in with their children, even when they seem distant.

    Supporting Overwhelmed Teenagers With Presence
    Todd discussed his approach to connecting with his 17-year-old daughter, who was feeling overwhelmed. He emphasized the importance of physical presence and actions, rather than just words, to show support and understanding. He shared an example of how he laid down on the floor to be at her level, and offered to do small tasks like washing her sheets to show his availability. Todd also highlighted the importance of not imposing one’s own needs or expectations on the child, but rather understanding and respecting their boundaries. He concluded by suggesting that asking the child what support means to them can be a valuable approach, even if they may not have a clear answer.

    Adapting Communication Strategies With Children
    Todd emphasized the importance of adapting communication strategies with children, particularly when they respond negatively. He suggested that parents should not judge themselves harshly for not achieving immediate results, but instead, try different approaches. Todd also highlighted the value of maintaining connections with others, even in challenging times, and encouraged the use of humor and creativity in communication. He shared a personal experience of spending quality time with his daughter, Skylar, and suggested that parents should be mindful of their children’s needs and interests.

    Respecting Individual Needs in Relationships
    Todd discussed the importance of understanding and respecting individual needs and preferences in relationships, particularly in the context of parenting. He shared his own experience with his daughter, who prefers to read in the morning to feel less alone, and emphasized the need to consider the other person’s perspective rather than imposing one’s own. Todd also highlighted the importance of asking questions and avoiding judgments, and suggested that conversations about personal issues should be approached with sensitivity and at appropriate times. He encouraged the audience to try different approaches and adapt to their child’s unique needs and personality.

    Parental Support and Communication Styles
    Todd shared a personal anecdote about his daughter’s experience of feeling cared for by her parents during a challenging time. He emphasized the importance of parents not being someone their children should fear losing, and instead, being someone they can rely on. Todd also highlighted the significance of parents’ approach in shaping their children’s communication style and relationships. He used the example of his own daughters’ communication style to illustrate this point.

    Embracing Change and Community Building
    Todd discussed the importance of trying new things and communicating effectively, especially in raising children. He suggested that these lessons could be applied to various aspects of life, not just parenting. Todd also encouraged everyone to attend their final farewell conference in January, emphasizing the need for community and optimistic perspectives. He mentioned the interactive nature of the conference and the opportunity to connect with others. Lastly, he mentioned a scholarship for those who may have difficulty with conference tickets.

    12 November 2024, 2:36 pm
  • 30 minutes
    30 Minutes of Calm- Episode #789

    Todd and Cathy bring calm in the context of an upcoming election. They discussed the importance of self-compassion, its three components, and the concept of mindfulness, emphasizing that self-compassion is not about letting oneself off the hook, but rather about treating oneself with kindness and understanding. They also highlighted the challenges of balancing emotions and planning for the future, and the importance of self-care and mindfulness in managing these emotions.

    For the full show notes, visit zenparentingradio.com.

    Some Ways to Support Us

      1. Attend ZenCon 25
      2. Pre-order Restoring our Girls
      3. Join Team Zen
      4. Sign up for Cathy’s Substack

    Other Ways to Support Us

    This week’s sponsor(s):

    • Avid Co DuPage County Area Decorating, Painting, Remodeling by Avid Co includes kitchens, basements, bathrooms, flooring, tiling, fire and flood restoration.
    • MenLiving – A virtual and in-person community of guys connecting deeply and living fully. No requirements, no creeds, no gurus, no judgements
    • Todd Adams Life & Leadership Coaching for Guys

    Zen Parenting Radio: Calm and Election
    In this episode of Zen parenting radio, Todd and Kathy aim to bring some calm to their audience, particularly in the context of an upcoming election. They decided to record a 30-minute podcast of calm, without any sales pitches or discussions about their conference or book. The podcast was recorded on November 2nd and scheduled to be released on November 5th. The hosts also experimented with a study music track in the background, but were unsure if it would be effective.

    Self-Compassion and Radical Acceptance
    Todd discussed the importance of self-compassion, particularly in times of anxiety or overwhelm. He shared his personal experiences with fear and anxiety, noting that he tends to freeze up and become paralyzed when faced with fear. Todd emphasized the need for self-compassion to keep moving forward despite these feelings. He also acknowledged that he tends to compartmentalize, while his colleague tends to be more spongy. Todd stressed the importance of radical self-acceptance and awareness of one’s situation to make shifts towards feeling more. He also noted that not everyone experiences self-criticism or wishes to be different, and that some people may be more concerned with external challenges.

    Self-Compassion: A More Stable Sense
    Todd discussed the concept of self-compassion, its origins in research by Kristen Neff, and its distinction from self-esteem. He highlighted that self-esteem often relies on external validation and comparison, whereas self-compassion is more accepting and understanding, especially in times of failure. Todd also emphasized the importance of self-compassion in fostering a more connected and supportive environment, both for oneself and others. He concluded by noting that self-compassion provides a more stable sense of self-worth over time, which is particularly relevant for parents dealing with their children’s struggles.

    The Power of Self-Compassion
    Todd discussed the importance of self-compassion and its three components: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. He emphasized that self-compassion is not about letting oneself off the hook, but rather about treating oneself with kindness and understanding, which allows for clearer thinking and better decision-making. Todd also highlighted the potential negative effects of self-judgment and the importance of acknowledging and directing attention away from the inner critic. He concluded by stating that self-compassion enables individuals to recognize their mistakes and make different choices, leading to personal growth and development.

    Mindfulness: Awareness and Self-Kindness Journey
    Todd discussed the concept of mindfulness, describing it as being aware of one’s surroundings and body without judgment. He emphasized that it’s a lifelong journey and not about achieving a specific state, but rather about being present in the moment. Todd also highlighted the importance of self-kindness when one’s mind wanders, and the need to recognize that one doesn’t have to stay in a negative state. He used personal experiences and practical examples to illustrate his points.

    Balancing Emotions and Planning for Future
    Todd discussed the challenges of balancing emotions and planning for the future. He acknowledged the difficulty of staying calm amidst uncertainty, such as the upcoming election, and the need to prepare mentally for potential outcomes. Todd also shared his personal experiences of hyperventilating due to worry about missing important moments with his children. He emphasized the importance of self-care and mindfulness in managing these emotions. The conversation ended with Todd expressing his preference for the concept of ‘common humanity’ as a soothing and comforting idea.

    Overcoming Loneliness and Ego’s Influence
    Todd expressed his feelings of loneliness and isolation, despite being surrounded by people. He emphasized that he is not alone in his thoughts and experiences, as many others share similar desires and emotions. Todd also discussed the psychological aspects of feeling alone, attributing it to the ego and judgmental voices in our minds. He concluded by highlighting the importance of self-kindness and belonging in overcoming these feelings.

    Mindfulness and Self-Compassion in Stress
    Todd discussed the importance of mindfulness and self-compassion in managing stress and maintaining a positive outlook. He emphasized that self-compassion is a strength, not a weakness, and it allows for better relationships with others. Todd also debunked common misconceptions about self-compassion, such as it making one lazy or selfish. He ended the conversation by playing calming music and encouraging participants to practice self-compassion.

    5 November 2024, 11:00 am
  • 53 minutes 33 seconds
    The Election is One Week From Today- Episode #788

    Todd and Cathy emphasized the importance of supporting children through their challenges, the need for parents to understand their children’s perspectives, and the significance of civic engagement, particularly voting. They also discussed the importance of critical thinking, questioning authority, and engaging with adults, while expressing concern about the current political climate and the need for honesty and transparency. Lastly, they shared their experiences and perspectives on leadership, the importance of creating spaces for real conversations, and the need for people to listen more and understand the potential impact of political changes on their lives.

    For the full show notes, visit zenparentingradio.com.

    Some Ways to Support Us

      1. Attend ZenCon 25
      2. Pre-order Restoring our Girls
      3. Join Team Zen
      4. Sign up for Cathy’s Substack
      5. A Little Bit Culty – A Conversation with The Vow’s Sarah Edmondson and Anthony “Nippy” Ames – Podcast #675

    Time Stamps

    (00:09:30) ZPR Moment- “I Don’t Know”

    (00:21:14) Civil engagement

    (00:43:31) Talking to women **

    (00:48:52) Join Team Zen

    (00:51:11) Attend ZenCon 25

    Other Ways to Support Us

    This week’s sponsor(s):

    • Avid Co DuPage County Area Decorating, Painting, Remodeling by Avid Co includes kitchens, basements, bathrooms, flooring, tiling, fire and flood restoration.
    • MenLiving – A virtual and in-person community of guys connecting deeply and living fully. No requirements, no creeds, no gurus, no judgements
    • Todd Adams Life & Leadership Coaching for Guys

    Summary

    Supporting Children and Civic Engagement
    Todd emphasized the importance of supporting children through their challenges, suggesting that this support should start early in their lives. He also discussed the need for parents to understand their children’s perspectives and not impose their own expectations. Todd further highlighted the significance of civic engagement, particularly voting, and expressed concern about the complacency of younger generations. He acknowledged that the current time is different from his own youth, but still believes that young people should be more engaged in the voting process.

    Voting, Women’s Rights, and Change
    Todd discussed the importance of voting and the impact of recent election cycles on the direction of the country. He expressed his concern about the erosion of women’s rights and the need for change. Todd also shared his personal experience of being a woman and working with women, emphasizing the importance of reproductive freedom and overall health. He encouraged others to register to vote and participate in the democratic process, despite differing opinions.

    Embracing Uncertainty and Honest Parenting
    Todd expressed his concern about the current political climate and the need for honesty and transparency. He emphasized the importance of valuing uncertainty and not pretending to have all the answers. Todd also discussed the concept of “Zen parenting,” which involves being honest with children about not knowing everything and encouraging them to find their own solutions. He highlighted the power of saying “I don’t know” as a way to promote self-discovery and decision-making in children.

    Embracing Uncertainty in Parenting
    Todd discusses the importance of acknowledging that one does not have all the answers, especially when it comes to parenting and understanding children’s perspectives. He emphasizes staying curious, demonstrating humility, and giving children the freedom to find their own path instead of imposing one’s own expectations. Todd plays clips from movies to illustrate his point about not pretending to know everything. The overall message is to be open-minded, avoid assumptions, and embrace the uncertainty of not having all the answers when it comes to raising children.

    Encouraging Critical Thinking and Engagement
    Todd discussed the importance of critical thinking and allowing children to form their own opinions, rather than imposing one’s own beliefs. He emphasized the need for children to learn to trust themselves and process information from various sources. Todd also touched on the topic of civil engagement, using the example of the upcoming election. He suggested that parents should engage their children in discussions about current issues, such as gun control, in a child-appropriate manner. Todd stressed the importance of finding common ground and understanding different viewpoints, rather than resorting to binary thinking.

    Critical Thinking and Respectful Dignity
    Todd discussed the importance of critical thinking and questioning authority, emphasizing that it doesn’t mean disrespecting elders or going against the grain. He highlighted the difference between respect and dignity, stating that everyone deserves dignity regardless of their actions. Todd also shared a conversation with a college girl who found Bible studies grounding, and he stressed the need to keep an open mind about different beliefs. He referenced George Carlin’s views on questioning authority and the importance of teaching children to do so. Todd also mentioned the need for parents to teach their children to question everything they read and hear, not just to respect authority figures.

    Engaging Adults and Civic Responsibility
    Todd emphasized the importance of engaging with adults and respecting their opinions, particularly in discussions about politics and civic responsibility. He shared a quote from psychologist Rick Weisbord, highlighting that being an engaged citizen is a moral responsibility that affects not just oneself, but others in the community and country. Todd also discussed the mental health benefits of civic engagement for children, as it provides them with a sense of purpose and belonging. He encouraged parents to have open conversations with their children about the importance of staying engaged and to listen to their children’s perspectives.

    Changing Job Market and Voting Choices
    Todd discussed the changing job market and its impact on young men, particularly those in blue-collar jobs. He noted that there are fewer job opportunities for men in certain sectors, such as manufacturing, which has been largely automated. Todd also highlighted the shift towards jobs in the service sector, such as teaching and nursing, which some men may not view as “manly” jobs. He shared his experience of engaging in a conversation with three men at a football game, where he learned that two blue-collar workers were not planning to vote, and the college-educated man was voting for Trump. Todd expressed his desire to encourage people to question their assumptions and research their voting choices more thoroughly.

    Todd’s Leadership and Election Insights
    Todd shared his experiences and perspectives on leadership, particularly in relation to the recent US presidential election. He emphasized the importance of treating others with respect and dignity, and the need for equal opportunities for all. Todd also discussed his interactions with blue-collar individuals, highlighting their differing perspectives on the election. He expressed his frustration with the narcissistic behavior of some individuals, particularly former President Trump, and the challenges of engaging in meaningful conversations with them. Todd also shared a personal anecdote about a young man who appreciated his conversation, despite the group’s departure to catch a bus.

    Fostering Real Conversations and Voting
    Todd discussed the importance of creating spaces for real conversations, particularly among men, and how these conversations can lead to personal growth and connection. He shared his experience of bringing his children with him to vote, emphasizing the value of civic engagement and the need to familiarize children with the voting process. Todd also encouraged men to consider the impact of their voting decisions on women, acknowledging that women are often fearful of the potential consequences of certain political outcomes.

    Addressing Urgency and Holding Power Accountable
    Todd expressed his concern about the lack of urgency and seriousness towards the potential changes in society, particularly for women, if a certain political candidate were to win the election. He emphasized the need for people to listen more and understand the potential impact of these changes on their lives. Todd also highlighted the importance of holding people in power accountable for their actions, regardless of their position. He encouraged everyone to engage in conversations about these issues and to participate in the democratic process, not just during elections but also in local decision-making processes.

    Community of Love and Upcoming Events
    Todd discussed the community of love, Teams, which provides support to its members and organizes Zoom calls. He mentioned an upcoming Zen talk with Chase Light, an organization created by students in Hinsdale High School to discuss mental health and offer support. Todd also talked about the Nami Walk and the upcoming Zcon event on January 24th and 25th. He expressed pride in the students who created Chase Light and encouraged others to join the community. Lastly, he thanked Jeremy Kraft for his support as a sponsor for the past 788 podcasts.

    29 October 2024, 10:00 am
  • 46 minutes 9 seconds
    Love Bombing- What It Is And Why You Should Know The Signs- Episode #787

    Todd and Cathy explored the concept of love bombing, its connection to cults and abusive relationships, and the importance of teaching children to recognize and navigate such situations. The conversation also touched on Todd’s experience at an event addressing domestic violence, Cathy’s upcoming book, and the significance of intuition and boundary-setting in relationships.

    For the full show notes, visit zenparentingradio.com.

    Some Ways to Support Us

      1. Attend ZenCon 25
      2. Pre-order Restoring our Girls
      3. Join Team Zen
      4. Sign up for Cathy’s Substack
      5. A Little Bit Culty – A Conversation with The Vow’s Sarah Edmondson and Anthony “Nippy” Ames – Podcast #675

    Time Stamps

    (00:03:15) What we’re talking about

    (00:09:45) What is an anxiety spiral? 

    (00:32:20) First steps *

    (00:50:20) Join Team Zen

    Other Ways to Support Us

    This week’s sponsor(s):

    • Avid Co DuPage County Area Decorating, Painting, Remodeling by Avid Co includes kitchens, basements, bathrooms, flooring, tiling, fire and flood restoration.
    • MenLiving – A virtual and in-person community of guys connecting deeply and living fully. No requirements, no creeds, no gurus, no judgements
    • Todd Adams Life & Leadership Coaching for Guys
    22 October 2024, 9:47 am
  • 52 minutes 12 seconds
    Disrupting Anxiety Spirals Episode # 786

    Cathy & Todd explore anxiety spirals sharing personal experiences and strategies for managing anxiety, including mindfulness, grounding techniques, self-soothing methods, and healthy distractions.

    For the full show notes, visit zenparentingradio.com.

    Some Ways to Support Us

      1. Attend ZenCon 25
      2. Pre-order Restoring our Girls
      3. Join Team Zen
      4. Sign up for Cathy’s Substack

    Time Stamps

    (00:03:15) What we’re talking about

    (00:09:45) What is an anxiety spiral? 

    (00:32:20) First steps *

    (00:50:20) Join Team Zen

    Other Ways to Support Us

    This week’s sponsor(s):

    • Avid Co DuPage County Area Decorating, Painting, Remodeling by Avid Co includes kitchens, basements, bathrooms, flooring, tiling, fire and flood restoration.
    • MenLiving – A virtual and in-person community of guys connecting deeply and living fully. No requirements, no creeds, no gurus, no judgements
    • Todd Adams Life & Leadership Coaching for Guys
    15 October 2024, 10:05 am
  • 55 minutes 43 seconds
    Comparison Culture- Episode # 785

    Todd & Cathy shared the pervasive nature of comparison culture in various aspects of life.  They  emphasized the importance of self-awareness, individuality, and understanding the underlying motivations behind one’s actions and desires, rather than just focusing on external validation. They also discussed the impact of social media on comparison culture, the importance of empathy and kindness, and the fleeting nature of happiness derived from material possessions.

    For the full show notes, visit zenparentingradio.com.

    Some Ways to Support Us

      1. Attend ZenCon 25
      2. Pre-order Restoring our Girls
      3. Join Team Zen
      4. Sign up for Cathy’s Substack

    Time Stamps

    (00:04:55) Todd’s airport guy story

    (00:52:57) Painting and Remodeling Needs?  Jeremy Kraft from Avid Painting and Remodeling 630-956-1800

    (00:16:00) Comparison

    (00:25:06) Todd owns his stuff *

    (00:53:04) Join Team Zen

    Other Ways to Support Us

    This week’s sponsor(s):

    • Avid Co DuPage County Area Decorating, Painting, Remodeling by Avid Co includes kitchens, basements, bathrooms, flooring, tiling, fire and flood restoration.
    • MenLiving – A virtual and in-person community of guys connecting deeply and living fully. No requirements, no creeds, no gurus, no judgements
    • Todd Adams Life & Leadership Coaching for Guys
    8 October 2024, 10:00 am
  • 54 minutes 35 seconds
    “Know Me”- The Danger of Labels & Conversations That Shape Our Daughters- Episode # 784
    Todd and Cathy discuss cell phone use in schools, and the challenges of navigating through difficult situations such as elderly care and relationship dynamics. They also highlighted the importance of effective communication, teamwork, and self-care in dealing with such situations. Lastly, they discussed the top 10 common obstacles families face when dealing with aging parents.
    1 October 2024, 10:00 am
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