With Todd and Cathy Adams
Todd and Cathy emphasized the importance of understanding and connecting with daughters, using Cathy’s upcoming book on parenting girls as a guide. They shared personal experiences and strategies for maintaining strong relationships with children, highlighting the need for physical presence, understanding, and adapting communication styles. They also stressed the importance of respecting individual needs and preferences, and encouraged the use of humor and creativity in communication, while also promoting community and optimistic perspectives.
For the full show notes, visit zenparentingradio.com.
Some Ways to Support Us
Other Ways to Support Us
This week’s sponsor(s):
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Meeting summary for ZPR Podcast Recording (11/11/2024)
Quick recap
Cathy’s Book on Parenting Girls
Todd discusses the importance of Cathy’s upcoming book on parenting girls, even though the current focus is on issues facing boys. He emphasizes that girls’ struggles should not be overlooked based on data suggesting they perform better academically. Cathy’s book highlights the value “Connect with me” by addressing daughters’ desire to feel understood and less alone. Todd praises the book for capturing Kathy’s natural parenting wisdom beyond just summarizing previous advice.
Navigating Parent-Child Connection Challenges
Todd discussed the challenges of maintaining a strong connection with daughters in a society filled with distractions. He introduced a book as a roadmap for staying connected, both energetically and conversationally. Todd emphasized the importance of understanding the natural process of differentiation in children, which can be both heartbreaking and liberating for parents. He shared a personal experience of trying to connect with his daughter, highlighting the need to consider the child’s perspective and not force connection. Todd also introduced the concept of “When I know you’re thinking of me, I feel less alone,” suggesting that parents should find creative ways to check in with their children, even when they seem distant.
Supporting Overwhelmed Teenagers With Presence
Todd discussed his approach to connecting with his 17-year-old daughter, who was feeling overwhelmed. He emphasized the importance of physical presence and actions, rather than just words, to show support and understanding. He shared an example of how he laid down on the floor to be at her level, and offered to do small tasks like washing her sheets to show his availability. Todd also highlighted the importance of not imposing one’s own needs or expectations on the child, but rather understanding and respecting their boundaries. He concluded by suggesting that asking the child what support means to them can be a valuable approach, even if they may not have a clear answer.
Adapting Communication Strategies With Children
Todd emphasized the importance of adapting communication strategies with children, particularly when they respond negatively. He suggested that parents should not judge themselves harshly for not achieving immediate results, but instead, try different approaches. Todd also highlighted the value of maintaining connections with others, even in challenging times, and encouraged the use of humor and creativity in communication. He shared a personal experience of spending quality time with his daughter, Skylar, and suggested that parents should be mindful of their children’s needs and interests.
Respecting Individual Needs in Relationships
Todd discussed the importance of understanding and respecting individual needs and preferences in relationships, particularly in the context of parenting. He shared his own experience with his daughter, who prefers to read in the morning to feel less alone, and emphasized the need to consider the other person’s perspective rather than imposing one’s own. Todd also highlighted the importance of asking questions and avoiding judgments, and suggested that conversations about personal issues should be approached with sensitivity and at appropriate times. He encouraged the audience to try different approaches and adapt to their child’s unique needs and personality.
Parental Support and Communication Styles
Todd shared a personal anecdote about his daughter’s experience of feeling cared for by her parents during a challenging time. He emphasized the importance of parents not being someone their children should fear losing, and instead, being someone they can rely on. Todd also highlighted the significance of parents’ approach in shaping their children’s communication style and relationships. He used the example of his own daughters’ communication style to illustrate this point.
Embracing Change and Community Building
Todd discussed the importance of trying new things and communicating effectively, especially in raising children. He suggested that these lessons could be applied to various aspects of life, not just parenting. Todd also encouraged everyone to attend their final farewell conference in January, emphasizing the need for community and optimistic perspectives. He mentioned the interactive nature of the conference and the opportunity to connect with others. Lastly, he mentioned a scholarship for those who may have difficulty with conference tickets.
Todd and Cathy bring calm in the context of an upcoming election. They discussed the importance of self-compassion, its three components, and the concept of mindfulness, emphasizing that self-compassion is not about letting oneself off the hook, but rather about treating oneself with kindness and understanding. They also highlighted the challenges of balancing emotions and planning for the future, and the importance of self-care and mindfulness in managing these emotions.
For the full show notes, visit zenparentingradio.com.
Some Ways to Support Us
Other Ways to Support Us
This week’s sponsor(s):
Zen Parenting Radio: Calm and Election
In this episode of Zen parenting radio, Todd and Kathy aim to bring some calm to their audience, particularly in the context of an upcoming election. They decided to record a 30-minute podcast of calm, without any sales pitches or discussions about their conference or book. The podcast was recorded on November 2nd and scheduled to be released on November 5th. The hosts also experimented with a study music track in the background, but were unsure if it would be effective.
Self-Compassion and Radical Acceptance
Todd discussed the importance of self-compassion, particularly in times of anxiety or overwhelm. He shared his personal experiences with fear and anxiety, noting that he tends to freeze up and become paralyzed when faced with fear. Todd emphasized the need for self-compassion to keep moving forward despite these feelings. He also acknowledged that he tends to compartmentalize, while his colleague tends to be more spongy. Todd stressed the importance of radical self-acceptance and awareness of one’s situation to make shifts towards feeling more. He also noted that not everyone experiences self-criticism or wishes to be different, and that some people may be more concerned with external challenges.
Self-Compassion: A More Stable Sense
Todd discussed the concept of self-compassion, its origins in research by Kristen Neff, and its distinction from self-esteem. He highlighted that self-esteem often relies on external validation and comparison, whereas self-compassion is more accepting and understanding, especially in times of failure. Todd also emphasized the importance of self-compassion in fostering a more connected and supportive environment, both for oneself and others. He concluded by noting that self-compassion provides a more stable sense of self-worth over time, which is particularly relevant for parents dealing with their children’s struggles.
The Power of Self-Compassion
Todd discussed the importance of self-compassion and its three components: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. He emphasized that self-compassion is not about letting oneself off the hook, but rather about treating oneself with kindness and understanding, which allows for clearer thinking and better decision-making. Todd also highlighted the potential negative effects of self-judgment and the importance of acknowledging and directing attention away from the inner critic. He concluded by stating that self-compassion enables individuals to recognize their mistakes and make different choices, leading to personal growth and development.
Mindfulness: Awareness and Self-Kindness Journey
Todd discussed the concept of mindfulness, describing it as being aware of one’s surroundings and body without judgment. He emphasized that it’s a lifelong journey and not about achieving a specific state, but rather about being present in the moment. Todd also highlighted the importance of self-kindness when one’s mind wanders, and the need to recognize that one doesn’t have to stay in a negative state. He used personal experiences and practical examples to illustrate his points.
Balancing Emotions and Planning for Future
Todd discussed the challenges of balancing emotions and planning for the future. He acknowledged the difficulty of staying calm amidst uncertainty, such as the upcoming election, and the need to prepare mentally for potential outcomes. Todd also shared his personal experiences of hyperventilating due to worry about missing important moments with his children. He emphasized the importance of self-care and mindfulness in managing these emotions. The conversation ended with Todd expressing his preference for the concept of ‘common humanity’ as a soothing and comforting idea.
Overcoming Loneliness and Ego’s Influence
Todd expressed his feelings of loneliness and isolation, despite being surrounded by people. He emphasized that he is not alone in his thoughts and experiences, as many others share similar desires and emotions. Todd also discussed the psychological aspects of feeling alone, attributing it to the ego and judgmental voices in our minds. He concluded by highlighting the importance of self-kindness and belonging in overcoming these feelings.
Mindfulness and Self-Compassion in Stress
Todd discussed the importance of mindfulness and self-compassion in managing stress and maintaining a positive outlook. He emphasized that self-compassion is a strength, not a weakness, and it allows for better relationships with others. Todd also debunked common misconceptions about self-compassion, such as it making one lazy or selfish. He ended the conversation by playing calming music and encouraging participants to practice self-compassion.
Todd and Cathy emphasized the importance of supporting children through their challenges, the need for parents to understand their children’s perspectives, and the significance of civic engagement, particularly voting. They also discussed the importance of critical thinking, questioning authority, and engaging with adults, while expressing concern about the current political climate and the need for honesty and transparency. Lastly, they shared their experiences and perspectives on leadership, the importance of creating spaces for real conversations, and the need for people to listen more and understand the potential impact of political changes on their lives.
For the full show notes, visit zenparentingradio.com.
Some Ways to Support Us
Time Stamps
(00:09:30) ZPR Moment- “I Don’t Know”
(00:21:14) Civil engagement
(00:43:31) Talking to women **
(00:48:52) Join Team Zen
(00:51:11) Attend ZenCon 25
Other Ways to Support Us
This week’s sponsor(s):
Summary
Supporting Children and Civic Engagement
Todd emphasized the importance of supporting children through their challenges, suggesting that this support should start early in their lives. He also discussed the need for parents to understand their children’s perspectives and not impose their own expectations. Todd further highlighted the significance of civic engagement, particularly voting, and expressed concern about the complacency of younger generations. He acknowledged that the current time is different from his own youth, but still believes that young people should be more engaged in the voting process.
Voting, Women’s Rights, and Change
Todd discussed the importance of voting and the impact of recent election cycles on the direction of the country. He expressed his concern about the erosion of women’s rights and the need for change. Todd also shared his personal experience of being a woman and working with women, emphasizing the importance of reproductive freedom and overall health. He encouraged others to register to vote and participate in the democratic process, despite differing opinions.
Embracing Uncertainty and Honest Parenting
Todd expressed his concern about the current political climate and the need for honesty and transparency. He emphasized the importance of valuing uncertainty and not pretending to have all the answers. Todd also discussed the concept of “Zen parenting,” which involves being honest with children about not knowing everything and encouraging them to find their own solutions. He highlighted the power of saying “I don’t know” as a way to promote self-discovery and decision-making in children.
Embracing Uncertainty in Parenting
Todd discusses the importance of acknowledging that one does not have all the answers, especially when it comes to parenting and understanding children’s perspectives. He emphasizes staying curious, demonstrating humility, and giving children the freedom to find their own path instead of imposing one’s own expectations. Todd plays clips from movies to illustrate his point about not pretending to know everything. The overall message is to be open-minded, avoid assumptions, and embrace the uncertainty of not having all the answers when it comes to raising children.
Encouraging Critical Thinking and Engagement
Todd discussed the importance of critical thinking and allowing children to form their own opinions, rather than imposing one’s own beliefs. He emphasized the need for children to learn to trust themselves and process information from various sources. Todd also touched on the topic of civil engagement, using the example of the upcoming election. He suggested that parents should engage their children in discussions about current issues, such as gun control, in a child-appropriate manner. Todd stressed the importance of finding common ground and understanding different viewpoints, rather than resorting to binary thinking.
Critical Thinking and Respectful Dignity
Todd discussed the importance of critical thinking and questioning authority, emphasizing that it doesn’t mean disrespecting elders or going against the grain. He highlighted the difference between respect and dignity, stating that everyone deserves dignity regardless of their actions. Todd also shared a conversation with a college girl who found Bible studies grounding, and he stressed the need to keep an open mind about different beliefs. He referenced George Carlin’s views on questioning authority and the importance of teaching children to do so. Todd also mentioned the need for parents to teach their children to question everything they read and hear, not just to respect authority figures.
Engaging Adults and Civic Responsibility
Todd emphasized the importance of engaging with adults and respecting their opinions, particularly in discussions about politics and civic responsibility. He shared a quote from psychologist Rick Weisbord, highlighting that being an engaged citizen is a moral responsibility that affects not just oneself, but others in the community and country. Todd also discussed the mental health benefits of civic engagement for children, as it provides them with a sense of purpose and belonging. He encouraged parents to have open conversations with their children about the importance of staying engaged and to listen to their children’s perspectives.
Changing Job Market and Voting Choices
Todd discussed the changing job market and its impact on young men, particularly those in blue-collar jobs. He noted that there are fewer job opportunities for men in certain sectors, such as manufacturing, which has been largely automated. Todd also highlighted the shift towards jobs in the service sector, such as teaching and nursing, which some men may not view as “manly” jobs. He shared his experience of engaging in a conversation with three men at a football game, where he learned that two blue-collar workers were not planning to vote, and the college-educated man was voting for Trump. Todd expressed his desire to encourage people to question their assumptions and research their voting choices more thoroughly.
Todd’s Leadership and Election Insights
Todd shared his experiences and perspectives on leadership, particularly in relation to the recent US presidential election. He emphasized the importance of treating others with respect and dignity, and the need for equal opportunities for all. Todd also discussed his interactions with blue-collar individuals, highlighting their differing perspectives on the election. He expressed his frustration with the narcissistic behavior of some individuals, particularly former President Trump, and the challenges of engaging in meaningful conversations with them. Todd also shared a personal anecdote about a young man who appreciated his conversation, despite the group’s departure to catch a bus.
Fostering Real Conversations and Voting
Todd discussed the importance of creating spaces for real conversations, particularly among men, and how these conversations can lead to personal growth and connection. He shared his experience of bringing his children with him to vote, emphasizing the value of civic engagement and the need to familiarize children with the voting process. Todd also encouraged men to consider the impact of their voting decisions on women, acknowledging that women are often fearful of the potential consequences of certain political outcomes.
Addressing Urgency and Holding Power Accountable
Todd expressed his concern about the lack of urgency and seriousness towards the potential changes in society, particularly for women, if a certain political candidate were to win the election. He emphasized the need for people to listen more and understand the potential impact of these changes on their lives. Todd also highlighted the importance of holding people in power accountable for their actions, regardless of their position. He encouraged everyone to engage in conversations about these issues and to participate in the democratic process, not just during elections but also in local decision-making processes.
Community of Love and Upcoming Events
Todd discussed the community of love, Teams, which provides support to its members and organizes Zoom calls. He mentioned an upcoming Zen talk with Chase Light, an organization created by students in Hinsdale High School to discuss mental health and offer support. Todd also talked about the Nami Walk and the upcoming Zcon event on January 24th and 25th. He expressed pride in the students who created Chase Light and encouraged others to join the community. Lastly, he thanked Jeremy Kraft for his support as a sponsor for the past 788 podcasts.
Todd and Cathy explored the concept of love bombing, its connection to cults and abusive relationships, and the importance of teaching children to recognize and navigate such situations. The conversation also touched on Todd’s experience at an event addressing domestic violence, Cathy’s upcoming book, and the significance of intuition and boundary-setting in relationships.
For the full show notes, visit zenparentingradio.com.
Some Ways to Support Us
Time Stamps
(00:03:15) What we’re talking about
(00:09:45) What is an anxiety spiral?
(00:32:20) First steps *
(00:50:20) Join Team Zen
Other Ways to Support Us
This week’s sponsor(s):
Cathy & Todd explore anxiety spirals sharing personal experiences and strategies for managing anxiety, including mindfulness, grounding techniques, self-soothing methods, and healthy distractions.
For the full show notes, visit zenparentingradio.com.
Some Ways to Support Us
Time Stamps
(00:03:15) What we’re talking about
(00:09:45) What is an anxiety spiral?
(00:32:20) First steps *
(00:50:20) Join Team Zen
Other Ways to Support Us
This week’s sponsor(s):
Todd & Cathy shared the pervasive nature of comparison culture in various aspects of life. They emphasized the importance of self-awareness, individuality, and understanding the underlying motivations behind one’s actions and desires, rather than just focusing on external validation. They also discussed the impact of social media on comparison culture, the importance of empathy and kindness, and the fleeting nature of happiness derived from material possessions.
For the full show notes, visit zenparentingradio.com.
Some Ways to Support Us
Time Stamps
(00:04:55) Todd’s airport guy story
(00:52:57) Painting and Remodeling Needs? Jeremy Kraft from Avid Painting and Remodeling 630-956-1800
(00:16:00) Comparison
(00:25:06) Todd owns his stuff *
(00:53:04) Join Team Zen
Other Ways to Support Us
This week’s sponsor(s):
We discuss the importance of self-understanding, real conversations with children, and the impact of labels on their development. Discussions also focused on mental well-being, resilience, and personal growth in children, emphasizing the need to allow them to explore their own interests and make decisions.
For the full show notes, visit zenparentingradio.com.
Some Ways to Support Us
Time Stamps
(00:01:45) Critical thinking and investigating dis-information
(00:14:47) “Know Me”- The Danger of Labels
(00:52:57) Painting and Remodeling Needs? Jeremy Kraft from Avid Painting and Remodeling 630-956-1800
(00:53:04) Join Team Zen
Other Ways to Support Us
This week’s sponsor(s):
Dr. John Duffy joins us as we take questions from Team Zen regarding teens experimenting with drugs and alcohol, lack of motivation, screen time, time management, and challenges with youth sports coaches.
For the full show notes, visit zenparentingradio.com.
Some Ways to Support Us
Time Stamps
(00:00:00) ZenCon25 Announcement
(00:12:00) 16 year old son experimenting with drugs/alcohol
(00:25:07) 20 year old son stuck and unmotivated
(00:34:23) ZenCon 25, Restoring Our Girls, Team Zen
(00:39:40) 17 year old daughter struggling with screentime and time management
(00:51:35) 14 year old son challenges with his baseball coach
(01:10:04) Painting and Remodeling Needs? Jeremy Kraft from Avid Painting and Remodeling 630-956-1800
Other Ways to Support Us
This week’s sponsor(s):
Todd and Cathy discuss the paradox of feedback as well as the 8 C’s of IFS (Internal Family Systems)
For the full show notes, visit zenparentingradio.com.
Resources
Avid Painting and Remodeling 630-956-1800
Time Stamps
(00:03:46) Movie “feedback references”
(00:06:38) Sign up for Cathy’s Substack– Feedback
(00:13:06) The basic premise of IFS
(00:19:40) ) Join Team Zen
(00:20:35) The 8’C
(00:39:22) Painting and Remodeling Needs? Jeremy Kraft from Avid Painting and Remodeling 630-956-1800
3 Ways to Support Us
Other Ways to Support Us
This week’s sponsor(s):
Resources
Todd and Cathy discuss cell phone use in schools, and the challenges of navigating through difficult situations such as elderly care and relationship dynamics. They also highlighted the importance of effective communication, teamwork, and self-care in dealing with such situations. Lastly, they discussed the top 10 common obstacles families face when dealing with aging parents.
For the full show notes, visit zenparentingradio.com.
Resources
Avid Painting and Remodeling 630-956-1800
Time Stamps
(00:05:15) Cell phones in schools
(00:12:32) You, me and we
(00:27:32) Join Team Zen
(00:33:17) Top 10 common obstacles families face when dealing with aging parents
(00:47:49) Painting and Remodeling Needs? Jeremy Kraft from Avid Painting and Remodeling 630-956-1800
Here are 10 common obstacles families face when dealing with aging parents:
3 Ways to Support Us
Other Ways to Support Us
This week’s sponsor(s):
Resources
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