Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Technical Difficulties
05:51 The Dominance of Christmas Music
11:04 Commercializing Thanksgiving Music
18:13 The Culinary Adventures of Warthogs and Iguanas
25:53 Thanksgiving Foods: The Unwanted and Unusual
32:21 The Weight of IQ: Family Dynamics and Social Awareness
40:50 The Lunchroom Legend
51:04 The Hot Pocket Hazard
58:10 IQ and Ignorance

You can book John at: www.johnbranyan.com

It's a SCANDAL, Neighbor!  Our 11-year-old boy was the target of racist insults at school... You won't believe the audacity of that 3rd grade bully.

But that's nothing compared with the text message that is causing grown women to FEAR FOR THEIR BABIES. 

Tune in to laugh with us about the state of the country post-election--and to rejoice that the old Leftist tactics of calling everything "racist" don't seem to be working any longer!

(Email the Comedian at [email protected]) 

In this conversation, the hosts explore various themes surrounding holiday decorations, particularly wreaths, and the cultural significance of Thanksgiving. They delve into the absurdity of certain holiday traditions and the role of food in celebrations, while also reflecting on the uniqueness of American holidays compared to global practices. In this lively conversation, the hosts delve into the cultural significance of Thanksgiving, exploring the irony of celebrating American gratitude with foods that are rarely consumed outside the holiday. They humorously discuss the need for turkey to have a more prominent role in American cuisine and brainstorm ideas for a Thanksgiving-themed restaurant. The conversation takes a whimsical turn as they consider unconventional meats, including chipmunks and groundhogs, and share a humorous anecdote about a blue heron incident, highlighting the absurdity of culinary traditions. In this lively conversation, the hosts delve into the culinary traditions of Thanksgiving, exploring everything from the peculiarities of cranberry sauce to the challenges faced by picky eaters. They share humorous anecdotes about the foods they love and loathe, particularly focusing on the often-overlooked radish. The discussion also touches on the absurdities of food challenges, drawing parallels to the infamous Fear Factor show, and how American cuisine often involves adding sugar to make dishes more palatable.

Hey, Neighbor! Our Australian friend, Jasmine, has left the table--but her visit was so refreshing!  She went Trick-or-Treating for the very first time, and it led to discussions about whether Satan's Holiday can be redeemed...  (When is it appropriate to decorate with skulls.)

Next: The Peaches shares her theory that "The Nightmare Before Christmas" is a Gospel story.)

Later: When it comes to the election, DON'T TALK ABOUT POLITICS AT CHURCH! Make sure you stay neutral, like that person who constantly talks about how Jesus wasn't a Democrat or a Republican. 

Contact us by emailing [email protected]

Sound Bites

"Sometimes people die and they don't tell you."
"I think the best way to go would be on top of an asteroid detonating a nuclear device."
"Do you gather everybody together under the pretenses of something else?"
"Let's get the parasites."
"Are you gonna stop eating red dyed food now because you know that it's coming from a bug?"
"Cereal, the reason that they color food is because the natural color of things after it's been processed is usually like gray or brown."
"I don't think I'm chewing on enough copper"
"Hehehehehe"
"I eat a slice of Wonder Bread and I'm good to go"

Sorry this episode is a tad late, Neighbor. We're enjoying this week with our friend from Australia, Jasmine! Listen to the playful chatter for awhile...

Then, help us determine the difference between a Friend and a Fan!

Sound Bites

"I'm actually... You can't see the sweat, but I've got two little sweat marks on my shirt."
"I brought the incredibly funny Lisa Gilbert who has a Dry Bar special out and what's it called? All the Time Tired."
"No outside carry-in food, drink or ice cream products. That's literally what it said."
"That sounds like barbaric to me. That sounds like something that you wouldn't need to do in modern times, Brian."
"Yeah, I like it. I'm a fan. I get that in the sushi, so."
"He misses a lot of spots, so I still have a lot of work to do, but it's still helpful."
"Santa's dead."
"The responsibility of my kids still believing in Santa or not is not mine as a parent. It's not for me to tell them. I'm not going to have blood on my hands. It is all the kids on the playground."
"I'm not signing for a fake guy anymore."

We have an important question for you today:  when you travel, do you unpack your suitcase and put things in the hotel dresser???

And speaking of traveling, the Peaches has a HOT TIP for packing clothes for lots of kids!  

Then: here's a sermon illustration you probably should NOT use... and an example of the world's worst Humor Sermon. 

Later: Put on your serious pants, because we have another important question. Can you be a homeschool parent if you think Elon Musk is smart?  The internet sounds off.

Finally, contact the Comedian's family to tell us how many days a retreat or conference needs to last...  [email protected] 

Imagine our shock and horror when we realized this gem had been skipped over!  It's here now and that's all that matters.

•  
• "Why have we never seen a book written from the opposite perspective?"
• "Men don't mind being objectified. That's every man's dream."
• "In this dystopian future, men would be content with their role as sex slaves."
• "Kids start to act better during December because Christmas is coming"
• "What they should do is take your annual raise and divide it by 52"
• "When she's mad, she doesn't care that she's taller than me"
• "Boredom for parents is just a distant dream"
• "Nothing thrills me like washing the dishes"
• "Boredom is intended to be a punishment"

Welcome to the table, Neighbor. 

Is there anything more manly than mowing your lawn?  

Modern gas cans suuuuuuuck. 

And also--if you have a bald baby girl, just put a bow on her head when you're going out! It will be a courtesy to strangers in public...

To contact The Comedian's Family, email [email protected] . 

Sound Bites

"I made a sound, a pretty girly, feminine sound."
"He was clinging to my arm as I tried to get him off."
"Hornets are the jerks of the animal world."
"There aren't very many cool injuries though, really."
"Yeah, or you were trying to like rescue somebody from like, you know, push a car out of the street or something."
"I don't ever want to be stung by anything that isn't a murder hornet."
"Leaving early at a thing that you enjoy. That's funny."
"It's like, spoiler, Dorothy makes it home in The Wizard of Oz."
"It's like you're not getting out of the parking lot before me, pal."
"War of the Worlds, the movie by Orson Welles, before inspired by the radio play by Orson Welles, inspired by the short story by Jules Verne written in 1890? That ending?"
"My dad likes to arrive everywhere early. He  also likes to leave everywhere early"
"It's not even watered down mango juice. I know you don't like the taste of mango."