We open with a somewhat disturbing call from a woman whose white boyfriend visits "wack shacks" when he travels. He hires Asian sex workers to submit to race play and degradation. She approves of him indulging his various kinks outside of their relationship, but this? 

It's the classic conundrum: the caller has a big wiener and his boyfriend has a small one. A dildo is not quite a penis. What can they do?

Our guest is the fiery, foul-mouthed, anti-cheating avenger Tracy Schorn a.k.a Chump Lady. The hideous experience with her ex-husband set her on a crusade against deceit. She and Dan spar over cheating, and divorce. A rival neologist, she calls Dan's word "tolyamory" "Orwellian dipshitery." Dan has finally met his match, and the polite but spirited debate calls for a big ole bowl of popcorn. A little on the Micro, the whole thing on the Magnum. See you there. 

And, a woman mulls over the rancorous end of her previous relationship, when she asked her girlfriend's family to quiet down during a noisy 3am party. Her girlfriend's brother lit into her, and an all-family brawl ended the relationship. Now, years alter, the ex wants to apologize and reconnect. Was the caller wrong to speak up at that fateful holiday gathering? 

Christmas is going to be SO wack this year. 

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First off, we hear from a neglected third in a poorly executed threeway hook-up. He failed to advocate for himself, and the other two guys weren't asking if he was ok, sitting on the couch, looking at his phone. How could this have gone better? And how can he get over the waves of insecurity he feels when he connects with these same guys again? 

A woman in an open relationship with a nine year-old daughter wonders how to explain daddy's frequent absences. 

Our guest this week is the soothing, clever and cussing Jeff Guenther a.k.a Therapy Jeff. Somehow Dan convinced him to come on the show and give him (and all of us really,) some free therapy around the grief we are all feeling. Self care? Sign us up! And of course Jeff sticks around to answer sex questions too. A little is on the Micro and the whole thing is on the Magnum. 

And, listen in as a woman goes over the details of why her friendship is coming to an end. 

It really must end. 

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We're giving you a break from whatever stressful stuff is going on this week to bring you some of the more...interesting calls we've collected. 

A man's girlfriend wants to try saline injections on her breasts for a "24 hour boob job." The question is, can he safely do the injecting? 

A woman's cat is grieving the loss of her longtime companion, a small dog. Now the kinky feline is demanding unspeakable rough treatment and her "owner" is neither G, G, nor G and does NOT consent. 

Happy Soft Cock Week to all who celebrate! Our guest is "professional cuddler" Michelle Renee who is helping to launch a worldwide celebration of the penis in repose. She offers a kind and loving perspective on a topic that really needn't cause so much anxiety. 

On the Magnum, Dan chats with Paul Rosenberg- founder and manager of Rain City Jacks, a private, non-profit jack-off club in Seattle. As we speak, men are gathering to masturbate together. Dan and Paul talk about the 20 year history of the club, how a whopping 10% of the patrons are straight, and how communal masturbation brings people together in the best way. Also, what happens to all the jiz? 

And, in the darker corners of Salt Lake City, there are kinky parties going on with bizarre contraptions meant to deliver a world of forbidden pleasure. Unfortunately, it just made the caller puke her guts out. 

You ok SLC?

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A poly guy lives in a rural area with his fiancé. He is building his own house, and hires laborers to come live with him while they build. One of the laborers started hooking up with the caller’s girlfriend without consulting the caller or gaining his consent. Now what? This guy is living in his own damn house, having sex with his own damn lady???

True or False: Gay men who were bullied as kids often hook up with their former bullies.

On the Magnum, the worlds collide when Dan Savage, notorious sex proponent chats with asexuality educator Cody Daigle-Orians. They do a deep dive on ace issues. Are ace folks queer? Are micro labels helpful? At what point in a relationships should ace people come out? Daigle-Orians, creator of “Ace Dad Advice” explains asexuality with clarity and patience to the sex-crazed Savage.

Their new book The Ace And Aro Relationship Guide is out now.

And, a gay tourist was snapping pics of some hot men, when a family saw what was going on, and took umbrage. Outrage ensued. Is it so wrong to take pictures of people out in public?

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A woman has been dating a man from Ghana for 4 months. She just learned that he has a wife and kid back home, that he married out of familial/cultural obligation. Should the caller hold out to see if he chooses her over his overseas family? 

A married woman has a one year-old kid. She and her husband are monogamous, but she's getting into performing burlesque at local bars and it's making her want to try...other things. How far will she go? How much will her husband allow? 

Our guest is Irish comedian Des Bishop. He and Dan get into some straight guy topics: like straight guys into butt sex, straight guys into dicks, and how to surprise your straight guy with an awesome sex move. The (very gay) Dan Savage and the (very straight) Des Bishop got along like a house on fire. Some of this conversation is on the Micro, and all of it is on the Magnum. 

And, we can't phrase this delicately: She smells. A woman's girlfriend is so very beloved to her. But lately, she's been letting her hygiene slip and it's getting dire. How can the caller tell her sweetheart that she kind of stinks? 

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Des Bishop's special Of All People, is out now, here.

This episode is brought to you by Feeld, a dating app where the open-minded can meet the like-minded. Download Feeld on the App Store or Google Play.

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A lesbian couple has been together for a couple years, and things are still hot between them. But they wonder if they should check out a sex club just to add a little spice. They are monogamous, and have no interest in contact with other women. Their friends say it's impossible to remain exclusive with each other at one of these spaces. Is that true? Would they be welcome? 

A man with "anxious attachment style" (hot!) has been seeing a woman for 6 weeks, and things are moving fast. She told him she was going to have a drink with a friend. He asked if she had ever slept with him. At first she denied it, but then called him back and admitted that she used to have a friends-with-benefits relationship with him, but that they were just platonic now. Should he believe her? Should he be upset? Should he cling as hard as he possibly can? 

On the Magnum, Dan chats with humor writer Eli McCann from the Salt Lake Tribune about "The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives," and what to do when the obnoxious gatekeeper in your life is your own damn son. 

And, a woman has freed herself from her abusive ex-boyfriend. But they still share one thing...the dog! Who gets custody? She had promised him that if they ever broke up, he could keep the dog. But he is in no position to care for it. Who gets the poor little pooch? 

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An apology is required! But who is in the wrong here? An NB person got so, so sick with the covids. They had already made out with their boyfriend, so he was exposed. When they asked him to come over, deliver some food and offer bit of comfort, the boyfriend only agreed to drop off food outside the door. Should he have come inside and been more supportive? Or was it too much to ask to have him risk exposure?

On a much heavier note, a woman's dad was discovered to have a three year-long affair. Then he died days later. The caller's mom is grieving, angry and bereft, and the caller is cynical. 

Rejoice! Randy Rainbow is back. Our favorite parodic chanteuse is here to promote his new book "Low Hanging Fruit," and to dish with Dan about pregnancy fetishes, evangelistic nudists, and how very weird straight people are. A little is on the Micro, the whole salacious thing is on the Magnum. 

A man has been with his husband for 9 years. The caller is enjoying their newly open relationship, but his husband neither wants to cat around himself, nor approves of the caller's exploits. Can a slut and a demisexual make it work together? 

They've gotta try!

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A man was flirting with a woman online, but his girlfriend found out. She threw him out, and messaged all their friends and family about the incident. Police were involved. Should they get back together? Dan calls him up to get all the salacious details, and you get to listen. 

A man has a wonderful fiancé, and they have a child together. He loves her very, very much. The problem? He is one kinky motherfucker, and she is NOT interested in dominating him. 

On the Magnum, Dan chats with comedian Caleb Hearon. They talk about the perils of performing masculinity, but also how some gay men really are masculine. Calebs says "I don't want to do any of this exclusive, essentialist weirdo shit- I just want to have fun and enjoy myself." Hallelujah. Also, they arbitrate a petty fight from a caller over who should pay for a couch. 

Oh, and you have to become a Magnum sub and listen to this interview in order to understand the headline. 

Some three-way condom etiquette is in order. She and her husband are going to invite another man to join them. Naturally, they will insist that the lucky lad wear a condom. But should her husband wear one too just for parity? 

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She slept with a lad who didn't wear a condom when he said he would, came inside her and wouldn't help pay for Plan B. The hitch? He's great in bed, and she is hard up. Should she sleep with him again, if he promises to be a good boy? 

A caller challenges Dan on his personal dislike of massages. "How can this possibly be?" asks the caller.  

Our guest this week, is the brilliant psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel. Dan and Esther talk about infidelity, how monogamous relationships can turn into police states, and the difference between sex and eroticism- among many other things. We put a chunk of this conversation on the Micro, but there's a lot more on the Magnum. 

It's the classic bait n' switch. A queer man met his wife via Feeld where she claimed to be interested adventurous sex. Now that they're married, they are monogamous, vanilla and the caller is tearing his hair out. They are doing all the therapy. What they aren't doing is having amazing kinky sex. 

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Check out Esther Perel at EstherPerel.com.

https://www.estherperel.com/course-bundles/the-desire-bundle

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This episode is brought to you by Dipsea: an app full of hundreds of short, sexy audio stories designed by women for women. Get an extended 30 day free trial when you go to dipseastories.com/savage. 

Oh no! He broke the flirting rules. He kissed a lady and lied about it. (He lies a lot apparently.) But now, it makes her sick to look at him. What now?

A man and his boyfriend just bought a house together and they are setting up one of the rooms as a nursery...because they are both adult babies. What should they tell visitors if they ask what the locked room is for?

On the Magnum, it's the triumphant return of "What Are You Doing?!" A cuckold relationship with a femme-dom twist, you say? Do tell! Meet John and Maria, a seemingly "normal" couple that get super-freaky where it counts. They explain how they met, and gradually morphed into an amped-up sexual relationship. If you are interested in cuckolding, Dom/sub relationships or just want to peer in, have a listen.

And, a woman heard that if her husband gets a vasectomy his semen will lose the delicious flavor she so enjoys. Is it true? Or maybe...not?

Let's ask science!

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A man and his girlfriend are well-matched. Except...she doesn't like to kiss and he NEEDS to kiss to get his erotic motor running. Whatever can they do? 

The good doctor Barak is back... but this time he's here to share his political giving strategy for this election, where your dollar is mightier than ever. And of course Dan ambushes him with a gnarly sex question. 

On the Magnum, what happens when a man is jealous of his...mother? Dan chats with whip smart writer Jill Filipovic about millennial/boomer divide and the seething resentments within. 

And, a man and his husband are finally having three-ways after 30 years of marriage. They get more excited to be with their special guest stars than they do with just each other. Is this a problem? 

Call us with *your* problem. (Even if it isn't a problem.) 

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We’re partnering with NOCD to raise awareness about OCD. Imagine having unwanted thoughts about your relationship stuck in your head all day no matter how hard you try to make them go away. That’s OCD. Breaking the OCD cycle takes effective treatment. Go to NOCD.com/savage to learn more.