Ross O'Carroll-Kelly

Ross O'Carroll-Kelly

The weekly Ross O'Carroll-Kelly column in audio, read by Paul Howard.

6 minutes 2 seconds

‘We’ve no idea what caused the fire. And we’re sticking to that story’

Sorcha is flirting with the fireman while the focking house is on fire, but there’ll be focking war if she finds out about the fireworks
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

8 November 2024, 12:00 pm
5 minutes 50 seconds

‘People in the crowd are staring at Honor like she’s a cold sore on debs night’

So I’m standing with Honor at the junction of Foster Avenue and the N11 and we’re watching people pass us by with agony, I don’t know, etched all over their faces? Yeah, no, JP is running the Dublin City Marathon and I’ve turned up to cheer him on, as well as – obviously – the rest of the field.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1 November 2024, 1:51 pm
6 minutes 19 seconds

‘The thought of booking a table for one at Shanahan’s on the Green got me through my prison sentence’

Hennessy Coghlan-O’Hara rings me. Which is a rare enough occurrence. On the four, maybe five, occasions it’s happened, it’s been to ask me to retrieve the Go Bag that he insists on storing in our attic and to drive him to Dublin Airport.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

26 October 2024, 10:26 am
6 minutes 41 seconds

JP is staring at me like I’ve said I’m really enjoying his old dear’s OnlyFans account

JP says Chloe is writing a novel based on her college days. He’s like, “She’s hoping to do for DBS what Sally Rooney did for Trinity.”
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

18 October 2024, 3:40 pm
6 minutes 10 seconds

‘A threesome?’ Sorcha goes. ‘Why would you think I’d be into having a threesome?’

Sorcha asks if the beef is from a regenerative form and I end up having to look away. Seriously, you can’t bring her anywhere.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

11 October 2024, 3:07 pm
6 minutes 59 seconds

‘Things have changed since you were at school, Sorcha,’ the old man goes. ‘We recognise that traditional media is our enemy now’

Hennessy, the old man and Honor are sitting around the island, looking as thick as thieves. Which is exactly what they are.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

4 October 2024, 2:00 pm
6 minutes 56 seconds

The competition gets under way. The entrants are each told to remove a sock and put it in the pint glass in front of them

Driving through the gates of University College Dublin (UCD) brings back one or two memories. Not that I spent much time in the place when I did the Sports Man Dip course back in the day.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

30 September 2024, 5:16 pm
6 minutes 27 seconds

‘Your father is a moral eunuch, Ross. Those aren’t my words. That was a main finding of the Mahon tribunal’

So we’re in Morton’s of Ranelagh, doing the big shop, when we run into Rebecca Leahy, the old dear of Honor’s classmate Diva Leahy. Actually, she and Sorcha both reach for the last punnet of kumquats in the shop and I watch Sorcha’s body shape change to fight mode until Rebecca goes, “Sorcha! How are you? Oh my God, look at you! You must weigh nothing!”
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

20 September 2024, 4:05 pm
6 minutes 13 seconds

The porty invitations were returned with the words, ‘Honor O’Carroll-Kelly? Are you focking kidding me?’

I‘ve always worried about Honor – from the time she emerged from her mother’s womb and gave a “fock you” look to the midwife who slapped her orse.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

13 September 2024, 11:00 am
6 minutes 34 seconds

A lot of things are storting to make sense, including the violin case Leo carries around with him like a Chicago gangster

Leo’s music teacher, Mrs Gordon, says that Leo has a genuine gift for music and I’m thinking that I need this like Ranelagh needs more launderettes with performance spaces.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

6 September 2024, 11:00 am
6 minutes 34 seconds

‘Our daughter is nothing like Donald Trump, Sorcha – aport from the tan and the vengefulness’

It’s, like, the first day back at school for Honor and she eats her muesli with the quiet, steely-eyed intensity of me doing my traditional 500 sit-ups on the first morning of the Six Nations Championship.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

30 August 2024, 11:00 am
More Episodes? Get the App

About Ross O'Carroll-Kelly

Links

Listeners Also Subscribed To

Your feedback is valuable to us. Should you encounter any bugs, glitches, lack of functionality or other problems, please email us on [email protected] or join Moon.FM Telegram Group where you can talk directly to the dev team who are happy to answer any queries.