NOBODY LIKES ONIONS

Patrick Melton

For over TEN YEARS, Nobody Likes Onions has been making audiences laugh at the absurd, the obvious, and the wrong. Comedian Patrick Melton, along with other entertainers from New York City and around the world, gather around microphones three times a week to present their unique observations and opinions about current events, pop culture, and real-world experiences in their personal lives.

  • 5 hours 54 seconds
    April 23, 2024: Kevin Brennan BROKEN & SPIRALING! Old Man Pays GIGGLY GIRL To Cosign BREAKDOWN!

    It’s been weeks since we’ve checked in on Uncle Kevin Brennan, Neal Brenann’s less successful brother and once-wannabe wacky physical comic. Kevin’s podcast is entering a new phase. The self-production and lack of punctuality were already causing fans to become irritable, but how will the new crop of MLC clueless comics fare in the colosseum that is the MLC revolving door. Let’s watch Kevin Brennan go over weeks-old clips and renew his anger while regurgitating stories to one of the most giggly, fake-laughing open mic-stresses that has slid across the NLO console in quite awhile. Come taunt this mans wife!

    25 April 2024, 5:35 pm
  • 2 hours 54 minutes
    April 22, 2024: SHATTERING STEEL TOE! DonkeyLips Won’t Fall For Scams! We Got A NEW GUY?

    Patrick is back this morning to go over some of the last bits of information gathered surrounding the Steel Toe Morning Show demise, it’s crumbling, and reflections about what this means for the future of this Minnesota couple. Michael Ray Bower aka Donkeylips has left his house and, while waddling around, informs the public about some recent occurrences in his life, as well as how he’s too smart to fall for free computer scams from haters who might be fans but are bad people. It’s hard to decipher.

    22 April 2024, 9:59 pm
  • 2 hours 55 minutes
    April 19, 2024: The Big FRIDAY Program!

    Come on, feel the noise! Girls rock those boys! Let’s get wild wild wild! Come on down for a wrap up of the weekend to see wha’ts crackin’ daddy-o!

    19 April 2024, 9:58 pm
  • 4 hours 15 minutes
    April 18, 2024: Did APRIL IMHOLTE CHEAT On Aaron Imholte? The NEW GIRL Of STEEL TOE!

    A new theory has emerged in the April Anderson saga as we try to uncover what happend that led to the downfall of the marriage and on-air partnership at Steel Toe Morning Show. Aaron marches on with his show, without a plan or the confidence to admit it’s not going well. If there were a prize for constantly changing your panic to confidence and vice-versa, Aaron Imholte would win hands down. And where is April Imholte aka April Anderson from Litchfield? Is she running around town trying to get hired while rumors of drug abuse and sexual impropriety swirl? Or is she locked away in a facility, sucking down Suboxone like a used-up witch? The winds of Minnesota have not been kind to this simple and very racist couple. Why is Aaron running around town singing and dancing and flirting openly with other women? Does Kiki want to be in the middle of this tumultuous relationship?

    18 April 2024, 9:58 pm
  • 3 hours 12 minutes
    April 17, 2024: APRIL IMHOLTE’S SECRET JOURNAL! Songs of Sadness! It’s WORSE Than We Ever Knew!

    Patrick is fresh off a full day of productivity and chair shopping, and the butts at Hackamania are going to appreciate the dedication to comfort and quality. Some of our discord dorks have uncovered a playlist made by April Imholte Anderson, and four days ago she was updating it with new songs like Someone Like You by Adele. Watch and Moody calls in to walk us through a sonic journey of sadness, chronicling the events and feelings that led up to April leading the show, and we see if her choice of songs, and the metadata around her playlist, can help us decipher her plans for the future. Spoiler alert – it’s not looking good for this Minnesota mis-matched couple.

    17 April 2024, 5:14 pm
  • 4 hours 14 minutes
    April 16, 2024: Looking In On The LADIES! Steel Toe Aaron Imholte Has Learned NOTHING!

    There’s definitely some Aaron Imholte and Steel Toe Morning Show news to cover this morning, but we’ve also got to check in with some of our favorite ladies of the Onionverse and see what they’re “creating.” Summer Sinclair has some new old standup to show off, and you won’t believe her latest karaoke banger. Angie Krum filmed a bunch of podcasts six months ago but refuses to put them out for public consumption. Where is this haircutting podcast and why can’t we watch it? Aaron is back to his old ways just hours after proclaiming he is a narcissist and needs to work on himself. The humility didn’t last long, and Mooby is back to his old bragging and cope as he wakes up today to find himself suspended from YouTube yet again!

    16 April 2024, 2:50 pm
  • 4 hours 25 minutes
    April 15, 2024: LESS HOLE, SAME GOAL! April Imholte Anderson NEEDS A JOB With NO DRUG TEST!

    The dream comes crashing down just as fast as it began. In an unceremonious and barely-watched Members Only stream on Sunday night, Aaron admits that April will not be returning to the Steel Toe Morning Show, and she may be interested in rejoining the job force, if she can keep her alleged meth habit in check long enough to fill out an application and sniff her way through an interview. What will April do now that her legendary broadcast career has come to an end? Why is Moody rolling with it like this is the plan all along? Is Aaron Imholte actually undergoing some sort of self-reflection that will result in him being less of a narcissist? Will that change be enough to hold on to his failing marriage and April Anderson’s ruined radio career.

    15 April 2024, 7:30 am
  • 4 hours 42 minutes
    April 11, 2024: FARM GIRL FAIL! Filthy Factory F*cktoy GIVES UP! Will It Be MOOBY or MAMA?

    It seems like the STEEL TOE MORNING SHOW gravy train of LOLs will not cease! Aaron Imholte kicks off his day with another “two scoops” of cope. It must be getting tough to roll out of bed with bruised ribs and a bruised ego, and let’s not even talk about the sore o-ring. Let’s watch as Mooby already tries to force April Imholte aka April Anderson aka Mama’s Little Woods Angel back on to the show to open a package. Wielding a sippy cup around for no reason, and clinging to it like a blanket, let’s watch as Aaron Imholte tries to decide whether today is a good day or a bad day for the ol’ Steel Toe.

    11 April 2024, 7:30 am
  • 4 hours 18 minutes
    April 10, 2024: Is APRIL QUITTING For Good? The PREP Begins! Mooby Copes With BEING ALONE!

    It’s Wednesday and Patrick isn’t supposed to be here, but today’s Steel Toe Morning Show is simply too good to ignore. Aaron seems to be coming to terms with something the keen-eyed fans have speculated for awhile – April may never come back to the show. He seems to be laying the groundwork for a big pivot in the show, dreaming about big changes, studio redesigns and new cohosts to bring in a fresh energy. In Mooby’s mind, it’s only a matter of time before April Imholte aka April Anderson moves back to mama’s permanently and leaves Aaron holding his limp broadcast stick all alone in the basement.

    10 April 2024, 7:31 am
  • 3 hours 52 minutes
    April 9, 2024: The NOBODY LIKES ONIONS Program!

    Patrick is feeling loose and has some emails he wants to get knocked out of the way on the show. The Brandon Network is back and more confusing thank ever. Patrick reads and email that he cannot make any sense out of, but it seems to be very important to Brandon and his network. Joey C wants to hammer out some Hackamania details and make sure that he isn’t being setup. Patrick comforts the Florida man and all seems to be set for a fun event. April won’t be on shows all week over at the Steel Toe compound, but we get to here Aaron Imholte dream and pontificate about all of his upcoming opportunities for the Steel Toe Morning Show program, both online and on terrestrial radio. We dive in to the recent happenings and try to make both sense and predictions out of the insane cope coming from our favorite Minnestota hicks.

    9 April 2024, 7:31 am
  • 2 hours 41 minutes
    MLC CRASH! Can We TALK ABOUT THE LIP?

    We are breaking down MLC, as if it ain’t broken down already. And I don’t even have the time to wait for this clusterfest to finish. This can’t get more cringe and I’m here to get so very elevated while watching, and then if there’s time we have STAR80!

    9 April 2024, 7:31 am
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