Episode 502 – The Tallest Tree in the World

Today we have Kurtis. He is 32 from Seattle, WA and took his last drink on October 12th, 2023.

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Paul loves pickles but doesn’t love to be in them. When it comes to drinking, this quote shows up often: “When I controlled my drinking, I didn’t enjoy it. When I enjoyed my drinking, I couldn’t control it.” That is a good example of what it is like to be in a pickle with your drinking.

DTB Mindfulness course starts Monday October 7th for 5 weeks. This course is for Café RE members only, and we would love for you to join us!  Visit Café RE to sign up if you aren’t already a member.

[03:32] Thoughts from Paul:

While the tallest tree on the planet currently is a redwood but it would be the Douglas Fir if we stopped cutting them down. Scientists theorize the highest a tree can pull water up it’s roots is 480 feet and that’s how big the Douglas Fir trees were back in the early 1800’s before we began harvesting them.

Paul shares with us his love of trees and how they have helped him on his recovery journey. He also shares some facts about how indigenous people around the world are healthier than we are and how many of them use trees as a source of wholeness that cure physical ailments and mental health conditions.

When looking for connection, don’t overlook the trees in your back yard that are holding the soil in place. Nature should 100% be part of your recovery portfolio.

[10:07] Paul introduces Kurtis:

Kurtis currently lives in Seattle, WA and is originally from Detroit. He has two cats and is a musician and a mixing engineer. He says he used to use drinking as a way to be creative and says it has been interesting to figure out his relationship with music without drinking.

Kurtis says he didn’t drink much in his younger years. He took his first drink at age 21. He was in a lot of bands after moving to Seattle. He would bring beer to practice which quelled his anxiety.

After Kurtis was diagnosed with ADHD in 2020, he started taking medication that helped him focus. He admits he took more than prescribed and would then utilize alcohol to help him go to sleep. When waking up with a hangover, his medication would help him combat it. It was a vicious cycle, Kurtis says.

Kurtis knew he had issues but couldn’t determine whether it the pills or the drinking that was causing the problem. He was having a hard time going more than a few days without drinking and often found himself drinking in the morning. After failed moderation attempts, he ended up having to quit both the alcohol and the medication at the same time in October of 2023.

When he made the decision to quit, Kurtis says there were a lot of small rock-bottom moments that led him to it. Kurtis shared that it was tough quitting both things at the same time. He was worried that his productivity would decrease when he had to stop taking the medication. The drinking was slightly easier, however. Without taking the stimulant he wasn’t feeling so much anxiety at the end of the day which diminished his desire to drink.

Kurtis started finding other activities to fill his time and began to see great results. He was walking a lot, began to lose weight, and started feeling really good. He was able to recognize that quitting drinking opened up a lot of doors for him to feel better. He is more present with others and feels more confident in general.

Kurtis shares that the RE podcast has been helpful along with the Reddit Stop Drinking group. Talking about his journey with others has also helped a lot.

Kurtis’ parting piece of guidance: moderation, research and failing is all part of the process. It’s important to be kind to yourself and not feel like you have to match what others are doing.

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Episode 501 – The Camaraderie of Sobriety

Today we have Kendra. She is 36 years old from Alexandria, MN and took her last drink on March 22nd, 2024.

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There are 4 million podcasts on iTunes with tens of millions of episodes. Do you want to know what the #1 downloaded episode was, for two years straight? Is was an episode titled - What Alcohol Does to your Body, Brain and Health, by the Stanford Neuroscientist Andrew Huberman.

All new registrations for Café RE will be added to our community, which is no longer on Facebook. We have found a place that allows us to make these connections better. Beginning October 1st, all current members will start shifting over there as well.

The theme for this podcast is I am Here, I am Whole. These lyrics mean that yes, we can fix, we can make changes, but while listening to this podcast, reinforce the fact that you are not broken. We are all perfectly imperfect, but in this moment, we are all here and we are all whole.

[06:15] Thoughts from Paul:

Paul shares a story about a recent situation involving his goat Hot Dog and some wiring on his truck. After attempting and failing to fix the issue himself, Paul took his truck to the shop where he purchased the truck topper.

After several hours of troubleshooting and referencing the vehicle’s owner manual, they found a fuse had blown. This was five weeks after the incident. What Paul didn’t know was that his taillights had been out as well. The man said that Paul was lucky the cops didn’t pull him over for a DUI. Paul quickly shared that he had quit drinking to which the man replied that he had as well. The conversation continued for a bit about their mutual sobriety.

One thing Paul has recognized in recovery is that the many teams, committees and organizations he has being involved with are no match for the camaraderie of sobriety. He encourages us to leverage the fact that you don’t drink to make deeper connections.

[08:44] Paul introduces Kendra:

Kendra is 36 and has lived her life in Minnesota all her life. She is an RN that works with kidney doctors. For fun Kendra enjoys outdoor activities, spending time with her daughter and has been getting into meditation lately.

About six years ago, Kendra started recognizing that drinking wasn’t fostering anything positive in her life. She was going through some major life changes and found herself reevaluating things. Kendra says she didn’t have an off switch and found herself drinking too much and being hungover most of the next day. She began to try to quit drinking but found it difficult and she would give into peer pressure a lot.

Over the last three years, Kendra attempted many moderation techniques. She was using a sobriety tracker to see her progress. She started bringing NA options to events, and even if she would still drink, she acknowledges that it was less. While there were no stereotypical rock-bottom events, Kendra recognizes that everyone’s rock bottom looks different.

Also, over the last several years Kendra started listening to podcasts about recovery and found the book This Naked Mind by Annie Grace which she feels helped her. She says everything was lining up to push her towards what life could look like without alcohol.

Kendra said she only had eight drinks from January to March this year. Her quit date is a few days after her father’s 39th sobriety anniversary. Kendra says that listening to other’s stories has been helpful. She finds that being prepared and planning before going to social functions is important.

Kendra’s best sober moment: where she can be present with her daughter and remember everything.

Kendra’s parting piece of guidance: keep it simple and just try to keep logging those days. One decision at a time and focus on your overall health.

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You took the elevator down, you got to take the stairs back up.

We can do this.

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Episode 500 – I Am Here, I Am Whole

Today we have Brady. He is 43 years old from Denver, CO and took his last drink on July 18th, 2023.

Whatever day you are on, we want to hear it, see it and support you. On Sundays, head on over to RE on Instagram and post on our Roll Call. Let the world know where you are at.

There are still a few spots open on our next Alcohol-Free travel trip to Vietnam. This upcoming January 9th-20th, 2025, we’re heading to this incredible Southeast Asia paradise for 10 days and 11 nights with 25 travelers who are done nursing hangovers.

Starting Monday September 16th, all new registration for Café RE will be added to our community, which is no longer on Facebook. We have found a place that allows us to make these connections better. Beginning October 1st, all current members will start shifting over there as well.

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[03:57] Thoughts from Paul:

For 500 straight Mondays, Recovery Elevator has released an episode with someone sharing how they quit drinking. We do this to help, to serve, and also selfishly since Paul and all members of the team are also on this AF journey.

Paul started this podcast in 2015 and just celebrated 10 years since his last drink. He shares how he started the Recovery Elevator Sobriety Tracker. He also shares that since starting, we now have Café RE, have done five international sober travel trips, have had 15 official RE retreats, and over 1500 people have signed up for our courses.

Paul shares what he is most happy about are the gains in his personal life. He is married and has a three-month-old son and is well into a creating a life that no longer requires alcohol.

The lyrics to the new intro song: “I am here, I am whole” remind us that there is nothing wrong with us, we are not fractured, and we can correct the imbalance in our lives. And we don’t have to do it alone.

I am Here, I am Whole on Spotify: 

[11:00] Paul introduces Brady:

At the time of recording, Brady just celebrated one year alcohol free!

Paul and Brady have been friends for a very long time, and both acknowledge that it’s good be on the other side of their drinking times to now sharing sobriety with one another.

Brady and lives in the suburbs of Denver, he is 43 years old and is a realtor and formerly a high school teacher. Brady is married and they have a five-year-old son.

Brady says he drank more than the average high school student. He thinks his drinking in college was on par with normal for that time of life. It wasn’t until his late thirties that he started to realize that his relationship with alcohol wasn’t good. He feels that the time during COVID just normalized drinking at home for him. It became an everyday thing, and he slowly stopped having any interest in anything other than drinking.

An acute panic attack one night found him feeling empty. When he talked to his mom about it, she asked if he had been drinking. It was then that he started to connect the dots and was on the road to exploring the role alcohol had in his life. He never considered himself an alcoholic, but knew he was not living the life he wanted to.

Since quitting drinking, Brady has lost 20 pounds, is says he is more aware of what he is doing and it’s more purposeful. Brady has discovered that everything is clearer now. He mentions listening to The Huberman Lab podcast about alcohol really helped him in addition to Alan Carr’s book about quitting drinking. Learning what alcohol really does to us has been an important tool for Brady. He has not attended AA but had a lot of support from people around him and was comfortable sharing with them. Brady has shifted his identity to no longer being a dude that drinks.

Brady’s parting piece of guidance: just do it, find those resources that will help you.

Recovery Elevator

You took the elevator down, you got to take the stairs back up.

We can do this.

Episode 499 - Get Your Roll On

Today we have Kerri. She is 55 years old, lives in Redding, CA and took her last drink on March 2nd, 2022.

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RiseUp Coffee

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[02:47] Thoughts from Paul:

Prior to AA, alcoholism was considered a fatal disease. In less than 100 years, so much progress has been made in how alcoholism is viewed and treated. Now there is 100% a way out.

We now know the most potent antidote to addiction is connection. And this looks like community, preferably one that contains a lot of laughter, which we have all heard is the best medicine.

Paul shares with us that when he was crafting the recent Bozeman Retreat’s itinerary, he spent a lot of time thinking about one of the activities he was considering: a Skee-Ball tournament. The retreat is already full of the standard heavy hitters of share groups, breathwork, etc. but he wanted to try something different. Check out the pictures of the event in the post today: RE on Instagram

So, 100 years ago, it was shock therapy and isolation to cure alcoholism. Today it’s Skee-Ball, laughter, and connection.

[10:34] Kris introduces KMac:

Kerri is 55 years old and lives in Redding, CA. She has two adult daughters and five grandchildren. She is married and they have two dogs. For fun, Kerri has recently gotten into ultrarunning. She works full time for RE/Café RE as the community manager and event coordinator.

Kerri says she started drinking in high school and was a blackout drinker from the beginning. She and her first husband drank a lot during their marriage, and it escalated for Kerri after their divorce.

Kerri became a teacher later in life, but her drinking caused her to lose multiple teaching jobs over the course of a few years. She was involved with her local AA group and had a sponsor during this time. She ended up joining Café RE and rather quickly, volunteered to help do the show notes for the podcast. Over time her involvement with RE evolved.

Kerri had over a year alcohol free before the binge drinking returned. She had stopped counting days and recognized that it made it easier for her to drink. Currently days are very important to Kerri.

As Kerri began working more for RE, she feels that it took away the community for her. She didn’t feel comfortable sharing her struggles within the groups because of her role.

Knowing that she couldn’t recover alone, Kerri began to open up and have tough conversations with the RE team. She was at the point where she was feeling like she was never going to be able to quit and found herself, with the encouragement of others, making the decision to go to inpatient rehab.

Kerri says that being The Hab was tough at first and a lot of the people there were younger than her. After finding a good counselor and therapist, she was able to finally start opening up and sharing. At the end of 60 days, it was recommended she continue, so she stayed an additional 30.

After leaving she continued to do what she was doing while she was in rehab, which helps. She used to question why she drank like she did, but over time has decided it doesn’t matter.

Kerri says the biggest thing she has learned about herself is the importance of truly believing she is worthy. She is now able to recognize when she has feelings and being able to share them. She is more likely to ask for help when she needs it.

To the listener that is experiencing their own version of pacing around the living room not wanting to drink, Kerri wants to remind them that it’s not too late, this doesn’t have to be who you are or the road that you go down, you are worth asking for help and there is a community out there that are willing to walk that path with you.

Kerri’s first episode: RE Episode 255

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Love you guys.

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Episode 498 – Be the Light

Today we have Ava. She is 17 years old and lives in Central North Dakota. She has been sober since October 13th, 2006.

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[03:16] Meat and Potatoes Time:

A few months ago, after a lot of prayer and consideration, Kris had a tough call with Paul. While he enjoys his job as podcast host immensely, his life has been changing. His kids are getting older and busier, and he has opportunities to step up his investment in his local community.

Kris shares what this podcast has meant to him both as an interviewer and as a long-time listener. All of our stories have values, and he reminds us of the importance of being a light. No one lights a lamp and then covers it with a wash tub or shoves it under a bed. You set it up on the lampstand so that those who enter the room can see their way.

We each have a light in us that is meant to shine. 

[10:18] Kris introduces Ava:

Today Kris is speaking with a very special guest: Ava, his 17-year-old daughter. She works as a nanny and works front desk at a gym. For fun, Ava likes to read and spend time with her friends.

Ava shares that the first time she became aware of alcohol’s presence in her life was when she was around ten. She noticed that her dad always had beer. She didn’t recognize that alcohol was causing a problem in her environment until her parents separated, Dad went to rehab, and they explained things to her.

Anxiety was common for Ava during this time. Her mom and dad were fighting a lot, and weren’t very present at home, and she found herself looking after her little brother more and more. Ava didn’t feel like she had an outlet to share her feelings. She was left feeling like she wasn’t good enough and trying to be a people pleaser and take care of others.

Ava remembers the last years of Kris drinking as being hard. She had been told that her dad was staying at the lake because it was closer to his work. She didn’t realize what was going on until she heard her mother on the phone talking about a divorce. Ava says that was hard to hear. Her parents were trying to protect the kids from what was going on. Ava says that this was a very difficult time for her. Her anxiety was up, and she started internalizing that she was the problem for her parents

Going through the transition to middle school was a hard time for Ava. Her anxiety had increased, and she tried really hard to make things go right there since she felt so much instability at home. She was crushed when she and her brother were told their parents were separating.

Kris started rehab and was spending as much time with the kids as possible. Time together helped them rebuild a healthy relationship. Ava says some of the anxiety went away and when it comes up for her now, she knows how to deal with it.

These days Ava enjoys the time they all spend together as a family. She feels much more comfortable and open with her parents now that things are calmer at home. Having a relationship with God and friends at church and school has been helpful for Ava.

Ava looks forward to graduating high school and plans to become a counselor. She has the desire to help people who are going through some of the things she has and mental health in general.

Ava’s advice for folks going through tough times: taking it one step at a time, it doesn’t have to be a big light-switch change

Ava’s parting piece of guidance for those thinking about sobriety: do it. It is probably the best choice you can make for yourself and those around you.

Ava’s advice for a loved one of someone with addiction: know that they are loved and valuable and would encourage them to find someone they trust that they can talk to because they are not alone.

Recovery Elevator

You’re the only one that can do this, but you don’t have to do it alone.

Love you guys.

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Episode 497 – I Can’t – You Can – Take It

Today we have Shelby. She is 38 years old and from Windsor Ontario. She took her last drink on December 23rd, 2023.

Sponsors for this episode:

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[04:10] Thoughts from Paul:

Paul seeks to soften the entry point to AA and simplify the first three steps.  For many the steps are intimidating. They are nebulous, part dogmatic and for some there are simply too many God or higher power references. But the do make it clear many times that this God (higher power) is of your understanding. You can even use a red stapler as your higher power – they will fully support you.

The first three steps of AA:

1)    We admitted we are powerless over alcohol

2)    We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity

3)    We decided to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.

Which can be broken down to:

1)    I can’t

2)    You can

3)    Take it

Paul says he feels the most powerful part of AA isn’t the God stuff, it’s the group. The group is always stronger than the individual.

I can’t, the group can. Here you go. I’ll see you all again tomorrow.

[10:18] Paul introduces Shelby:

Shelby is 38 years old, lives in Windsor Ontario and works for a car manufacturer on the assembly line. For fun Shelby enjoys all sports, camping and hiking.

In high school Shelby was very athletic. When she was 15, she decided to focus on hockey and made it onto a junior team. She learned about hockey culture and part of that is drinking and partying. Due to traveling and playing hockey Shelby didn’t have time to drink much during high school.

While attending a development camp for hockey, Shelby had an injury that put her on the side lines. Throughout her time at Ohio State, doctors would tell her she was fine as she continued to suffer injuries that eventually required surgery. Shelby had dreamed of going to the Olympics and never considered she might not be able to.

She left school early and felt like a failure. Shelby knew her drinking was already an issue, and she needed a change of scenery. Shelby says she didn’t have an identity outside of being an athlete. Alcohol and being social became a distraction for her and she avoided playing hockey for a long time.

The older she got; the more Shelby didn’t feel like she had accomplished anything. Life after being an athlete was tough for her. Around 30 years old she realized she needed to make some healthy changes. She accepted an offer to play hockey with some friends and ended up getting coaching opportunities afterwards. She decided to do it and since she was getting back in shape, she decided to quit drinking for three months which led to almost two years.

After losing a close uncle, Shelby drank after his funeral. She continued to drink for a few years and tried using moderation techniques. At an alumni game, she was not able to play due to an unhealed injury. She showed up drunk and ended up losing her coaching job. After this she decided to quit drinking again. 

Since quitting this time around, Shelby has started attending therapy. This has helped her uncover some of her issues. She does not care for AA and says in the beginning it was hard doing things that she used to do while drinking. Shelby deals with cravings by going for walks, listening to podcasts and using her quit drinking app. She enjoys doing things that she missed out on when she was younger. Shelby also looks forward to trying new things and traveling. Her clarity is so much better, and she loves that she knows she can make plans and keep them.

Shelby’s parting piece of guidance: start today and start small and take it slow.

Recovery Elevator

We took the elevator down; we have to take the stairs back up.

I love you guys. We can do this.

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Episode 496 – One Way Street

Today we have James. He is 40 years old and lives in Melbourne, Australia. He took his last drink on November 20th, 2023.

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[04:16] Thoughts from Paul:

The Paris Olympic Committee opted to not sell alcohol. They were confident that they could have successfully applied to sell alcohol but still decided not to. In an article from NBC News, it mentioned the following: “While many people enjoy a casual drink, that’s not always the case. According to estimates by the French Public Health Society, 49,000 people are killed a year by alcohol consumption, which also causes 120 billion euros in damages.” Them choosing not to sell alcohol proves that things are changing around the globe regarding alcohol consumption.

Expanding on the topic of staying the course from last week’s episode, Paul shares that sobriety is a one-way street. He has yet to hear a story where someone with alcohol-free has gone back to drinking and was happy with the decision.

The common theme when it comes to what drove them back to alcohol was that they drifted from the AF community and attended less meetings or stopped altogether. They second part of this is they all said it was not a pleasant experience and many ended up right back where they were.

Do not beat yourself if you do some field research. We often need those reminders to reinforce internally that you made the right decision. Paul says he hasn’t met a single person who said they made the wrong choice when they decided to choose an alcohol-free life.

[11:03] Kris introduces James:

James lives in a rural area south of Melbourne, Australia. He is married with two kids, enjoys going to the gym and recently started playing football again.

James says he had a normal upbringing. He put a lot of pressure on himself and felt like he was always being watched. Alcohol entered his life when he was around 14 and drinking helped him turn things off as an escape and he felt freedom.

At 18, James moved out of his parent’s home with some older friends and was drinking on extended weekends but still very functional. When he was 20, he ended up moving to London where he felt complete freedom to do whatever he wanted, including living in a pub. James continued the weekend binge drinking with very little consequence.

After moving back to Australia in his late 20’s, James started a successful business and met the woman who is now his wife. Over time his feelings of not being “good enough” in many areas of his life were very stressful and found James drinking more to self-medicate and disconnect.

Towards the end of his drinking, James says he and his wife were very disconnected. He was acting out and taking a lot of risks. After confronting him one day, James told her his life was a mess and she told him it was either rehab or leaving. James opted for the easier option of leaving and chose an Airbnb close to a pub where he could drink and gamble. After a few days of this bender, his wife showed up and lovingly took him home. He started doing research but was scared to commit to inpatient care due to running his business.

James eventually found an outpatient treatment that would suit him. He has been alcohol-free ever since. Working on his connections with his family is something James is really proud of. He looks forward to doing the step work with his sponsor in AA and growing stronger spiritually.

James’ biggest fear around quitting: feeling his feelings and having to digest them.

James’ favorite resources in recovery: Recovery Elevator podcast and a book with spiritual principles for each day that he can meditate on.

James’ parting piece of guidance: Stick to it, keep showing up day by day and the magic happens down the track.

We are the only ones that can do this RE, but we don’t have to do it alone.

I love you guys.

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Episode 495 – Stay the Course

Today we have Robbie. He is 28 years old from Palm Springs, CA and took his last drink on January 4th, 2024.

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[4:28] Thoughts from Paul:

You are listening to this podcast because you’ve correctly identified that alcohol is what is holding you back. You see that alcohol isn’t delivering what was promised.

Your inner guidance to quit drinking, to explore what that would look like is correct. Stay the course. You’re inner voice is spot on. You are on the right path.

Paul shares his struggles with finding homeostasis after welcoming his child into the world. He feels his nervous system is stuck in a level of fight or flight. While he is feeling a lot of emotions around this, he reminds himself to stay the course. So, for all of those parents who are seeking sobriety – we will stay the course with you.

What does staying the course look like when we depart from alcohol? Maybe it is tuning in to the podcast each week or logging just one more day alcohol-free. Maybe you are working through a quit lit book and the voice is saying it wasn’t that bad. Keep reading. Keep listening. Keep showing up. We are on the right path and it’s paramount that we stick together.

[10:18] Paul introduces Robbie:

Robbie lives in Palm Springs, CA. He enjoys tennis, pickleball, golf and interior design.

Robbie says he didn’t drink much growing up and only started to drink while studying abroad in Australia. He was able to drink socially with little issue. The drinking became more frequent after Robbie had graduated college and was living alone in Denver. He found himself at happy hours and then returning home to continue to drink. At the time, Robbie knew that his drinking wasn’t normal but chalked it up to being a phase.

During COVID lockdowns, Robbie ended up moving back to Montana to stay with his parents. Drinking was a great excuse since he didn’t have obligations. After moving back to his apartment, his drinking began earlier in the day over time. He was starting to have physical repercussions from drinking heavily and decided to try and moderate or cut back. One event found him going to the liquor store for “hair of the dog” and on the way back he ended up passing out. Robbie woke up in an ambulance on the way to the ER and had no idea who called them. This didn’t deter Robbie from drinking, he just knew that if he tried to quit again, he would need to have medical detox.

On a trip to Montana visiting family, Robbie ended up getting a DUI right down the street from his parents’ house. After his father picked him up from jail, he knew the cat was out of the bag.

At Christmas, Robbie decided to stay in Denver and told his mother that he was spending time with his girlfriend but ended up staying home. When his mother found out he wasn’t with her, see felt driven to send Robbie an email expressing concerns about his health. He felt a lot of relief when he read it and knew that he was going to be able to get help now since his family was aware of his problem.

Robbie went to Betty Ford and stayed there for 21 days. It was more social than Robbie was accustomed to, but he grew very close with the people he was there with. After a few step-down programs, Robbie still goes to Betty Ford frequently and while AA isn’t his favorite modality, he enjoys trying new meetings and keeps an open mind to all things recovery. He utilizes meetings, podcasts and gratitude lists in recovery and when he has a craving, he has found box-breathing helps him a lot.

What has sobriety made possible for Robbie: reconnecting with and loving himself.

Robbie’s parting piece of guidance: pick up the 100-pound phone, ask for help and you’ll be really surprised by people’s response to that.

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Go big, because eventually we all go home.

I love you guys.

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Episode 494 - Discomfort = Good

Today we have Erin. She is 47 years old from Colorado and took her last drink on May 21st, 2022.

Sponsors for this episode:

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[02:53] Thoughts from Paul:

Paul shares with us “pain is followed by pleasure and pleasure is followed by pain”. Drinking to change the way you feel in order to feel better in the short term, will lead to a greater dip on the other side. Not only does drinking often come with a physical hangover, but the dopamine dip can be even worse.

The Comfort Crisis by Michael Easter is a great book on discomfort. The main point of the comfort crisis is to show that society’s relentless quest for pleasure is actually doing us a tremendous amount of harm.

The discomfort that comes with ditching the booze is like a different type of gym that is making you so much stronger. Studies show that it was not uncommon for our ancestors to run and walk more than 25 miles in a day. Today we call that a marathon. They called it going out for dinner. A good sobriety tool to add to your toolkit is seeking discomfort – both the physical and the mental. 

Buddha said that life is suffering, and all attempts to avoid the suffering only create more suffering. Logging alcohol free days and leaning into the boredom and discomfort is incredibly healthy for you and is actually level 10 self-care, even though it hurts.

[09:57] Kris introduces Erin:

Erin lives in a small town in Colorado. She is a psychotherapist. She lives with her partner and two dogs. They enjoy all things outdoors; hiking, skiing, walking, going to the lake and she is fortunate to love her work as well.

Growing up in a small town in South Dakota, Erin says drinking was part of the youth culture. Her older siblings drank and made it sound like fun. The first time Erin drank, she blacked out, but doesn’t recall it being a bad experience. She drank at parties in high school, but her drinking slowed down when she went to college.

Living in Boulder, CO, Erin enjoyed more outdoor activities instead of drinking heavily. Her roommate and she got the opportunity to go on tour with their favorite band a few times and Erin remembers that as being when drinking was fun. She was a music lover and while working in clubs she enjoyed the perk of free drinks and meeting the bands.

In her late 20s, Erin had a career change and was with a partner that drank a lot. She says she drank a lot with them and was able to maintain her job and her martial arts training. She was working with women that came from domestic abuse situations so in comparison, she thought she was doing alright.

Erin ended up leaving the martial arts community but began drinking with her work community. Everyone else was able to drink Friday night and be done, whereas Erin wouldn’t stop until Monday. She started having withdrawal symptoms when the bender was over, but this wasn’t enough to make her quit.

Erin would try moderation and kept her drinking to a minimum when with her boyfriend, but it was different when she was alone. It wasn’t until a bender while pet sitting that her boyfriend saw her in really rough shape. He made her leave with him and the next morning, Erin asked to go to the hospital because she knew it was time to quit for good.

Once Erin quit, she focused on telling the truth and surrendering to the fact that she could no longer drink. Erin has leaned into community and is going to retreats. It gives her something to look forward to on her calendar.

Erin’s favorite resources in recovery – podcasts and other people’s stories

Erin’s parting piece of guidance – there’s a wisdom in patience, and simplicity. Do one or two things each day that are good for yourself. Sobriety is a journey and the brain is healing.

We are the only ones that can do this RE, but we don’t have to do it alone.

I love you guys.

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Episode 493 – The War is Over, and I Lost

Today we have Allie. She is 31 and lives in Central, MA. She took her last drink on March 20th, 2024.

There are still a few spots open on our next Alcohol-Free travel trip to Vietnam. This upcoming January 9th-20th, 2025, we’re heading to this incredible Southeast Asia paradise for 10 days and 11 nights with 25 travelers who are done nursing hangovers.

Sponsors for this episode:

Visit Better Help today to get 10% off your first month

Exact Nature use promo code RE20 to receive 20% of your order

[03:25] Thoughts from Paul:

Paul shares that he lost the war with alcohol. It was not for lack of effort… for over ten years, he would get back up and keep fighting, he would implement new strategies to control his drinking, but it didn’t matter. He still lost.

He eventually raised the white flag and through the process of deconstruction, Paul says humility entered on its own without invitation. Every day he has to remember just how bad he got his ass kicked.

Through the addiction process, humility is a gift that we receive. Humility is a modest view of one’s own self-worth or importance and addiction is the equalizer that puts us all on the same level.

Losing the battle with alcohol is a humbling process which imprints on us a heaping dose of humility, which never leaves.

A big part of today’s intro is empowering you to recognize this incredible gift.

Once the battle with alcohol is over and humility is gained, we ultimately win.

[10:38] Paul introduces Allie:

Allie is 31 years old, and currently lives in central Massachusetts. She is married and they recently bought a house. For work she is an occupational therapist for students with different learning disabilities. For fun she enjoys the beach, travel, reading and exercise.

Allie started experimenting with alcohol in high school – the typical parties on the weekend. Her parents were big advocates for safety around alcohol and knew that Allie and her brother were at the age of experimentation. Allie knew family members that had issues with alcohol but wasn’t worried about them developing for herself.

After college, Allie moved to Boston and started to work. She says she enjoyed the social scene. Initially she didn’t drink during the week but on the weekends the excitement of being with friends found her trying to keep the party going when others were fine to stop.

During COVID Allie and her friends would have happy hours over Zoom. Around 2022 was when she first heard the term “sober curious” but said the word “sober” scared her. Allie shares that she had times when she knew she had drank too much and felt some shame and guilt around it. This led her to start listening to podcasts about sobriety and hear stories from others that felt the same way. Allie found listening to other people her age quitting drinking was really motivating and helpful for her to realize she wasn’t alone.

Because she wasn’t an everyday drinker, she didn’t think she had a problem. She would attempt moderation by limiting her drinks and avoiding certain alcohol. Allie quit drinking for stretches of time, but usually because of diet or an upcoming event. It wasn’t until one night of overindulgence led to worrying her father when she realized that she needed to quit.

Since quitting, Allie listens to a lot of podcasts, attends therapy and journals regularly to reflect on where she is. Learning about the science has been very helpful to her and she has fostered a great relationship with herself while improving relationships with others. Self-discovery, self-acceptance and self-awareness have helped Allie realize that she is just someone that cannot drink.

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You took the elevator down; you gotta take the stairs back up.

I love you guys.

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Episode 492 – Alcohol Isn’t the Problem

Today we have Kristi. She is 50 years old and lives in Rome, GA. She took her last drink on December 11th, 2023.

We just opened a few more spots for our upcoming retreat this August 14th through 18th in beautiful Bozeman, MT. 

Sponsors for this episode:

Visit Better Help today to get 10% off your first month

Exact Nature use promo code RE20 to receive 20% of your order

[02:19] Thoughts from Paul:

We think this is all about alcohol, but it’s not. There are different support groups for many various addictions, and the one thing that they have in common is whatever comes before the word “Anonymous” is not the problem. 

Page 64 in the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book states that the liquor was but a symptom. The booze isn’t the problem. There are deeper causes and conditions that are manifesting themselves in a drinking problem, gambling problem, shopping problem, etc.

For many of us, alcohol isn’t the problem. It is but a symptom of what went down in our infant and toddler years. Childhood trauma (which can be both what happened to us and what didn’t happen for us) can leave us with holes that we end up doing anything to fill. Many of those interviewed on this podcast explain that the first drink made them feel whole again.

We drink to change the way we feel and to cover up uncomfortable emotions. Alcohol is being used to cover up deeper issues. This may or may not be what you wanted to hear today, but it’s important to keep this podcast real.

TRIGGER WARNING:

The upcoming interview references self-harm.

[10:54] Kris introduces Kristi:

Kristi is 50 years old and is a hairstylist in Northwest Georgia. She has a 33 year old daughter with special needs, a partner and three dogs. For fun she enjoys reading, cooking and looks forward to getting back to kayaking.

Kristi says she had a good childhood. Her parents divorced when she was young, and they both remarried when she was around seven. Growing up, Kristi felt like she was on the fringe of being part of the “in” crowd so would do what everyone else was doing to fit in.

Kristi had her first drink when she was around 14 years old. At age 16, she got pregnant and dropped out of school. After she had her daughter, she started experimenting a lot and found herself in and out of destructive relationships.

Around the age of 27, Kristi found herself addicted to opiates. During this time her father, who struggled with mental illness, committed suicide. This sent her on a downward spiral. About a year later she found a place that helped her quit the opiates. She was there for 8 months and when she returned, she drank because she knew that pills were her issue, not alcohol.

Kristi says she was a binge drinker. Alcohol was a way for her to mask the pain of the loss of her father as well as the struggles she had raising a special needs child.

As a hairdresser when COVID happened, she says she went downhill quickly. There was no work and being homebound found her day drinking and over time it started earlier in the day. The day drinking continued after returning to work and she had a few events that led her to seek treatment. It was an up and down experience for her after the first detox, but Kristi never gave up and neither did her family and friends.

After six months of sobriety, Kristi says it feels different this time. She has been leaning into Café RE and reaching out to some other friends to expand her connections. She found this and mediation to be most helpful to her.

Recently Kristi started going to college with the goal of being a counselor. She wants to use what she has been through to help others.

Kristi’s favorite resources in recovery: Cafe RE and podcasts.

Kristi’s parting piece of guidance: just do it. Life is so much clearer. There are so many things on the edge of your fingertips if you just put down the bottle.

Recovery Elevator

Go big, because eventually we all go home.

I love you guys.

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