In which Warren Kenneth Worthington III is a terrible teacher; we are all Magneto’s children; Sooraya Qadir deserves a better origin story; teenagers have a lot of feelings; and we meet one of the modern age’s most controversial mutants.

X-PLAINED:

• The destiny of Quentin Quire
• New X-Men #131-134
• An underattended funeral
• How to fly? Kinda? I guess?
• A kiss
• A friendship
• Another bit of ruby quartz marginalia that will never be mentioned again
• A somewhat ill-founded psychic metaphor
• Emma Frost’s Dark Phoenix costume
• Some kind of weird affair
• Echoes of 9/11/2001
• Genosha, a year later
• Ghosts
• Polaris’s paternity
• Shocker (the mutant one)
• The last words of Genosha
• Islamophobia post 9/11
• Sooraya Qadir (Dust)
• An attempted hijacking and the aftermath thereof
• Some Shi’ar nonsense
• X-Corporation Mumbai
• Jumbo Carnation
• Telepathy class
• An artist’s interpretation of the fate of mankind if mutants are not driven out, as predicted by Bolivar Trask
• Accountability
• Professor X’s weird little paintings
• X-adjectives
• Best and worst X-Men with whom to share a psychic rapport

NEXT EPISODE: Quentin Quire’s teen angst bullshit gets a body count!

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In which Xorn goes out on the town; silverware is morally neutral; Cyclops pursues dubious counsel; the X means ten; and Fantomex is eminently enjoyable.

X-PLAINED:

• The parentage of Hope Summers
• New X-Men #127-130
• Mutant Town
• A monster who is not a monster but is, perhaps, a metaphor
• X-Corporation Paris
• The whole Phoenix situation
• Fantomex
• Weapon XII
• A gene-hazard
• Corporal Animal
• E.V.A.
• The Weapon Plus program (somewhat)
• The World (somewhat)
• The Shi’ar Empire vs. Earth
• Xorn variations

NEXT EPISODE: A Memorial of Magnetism

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In which Wolverine learns to fly; pants are a basic human right; we decide to cherry-pick our Xorn retcons; Xavier’s eyebrows follow his mind; and the first year of New X-Men ends with a bang.

X-PLAINED:

• The origin of the Shi’ar Imperial Guard
• New X-Men #124-126
• The current state of Charles Xavier’s body
• G-Type
• Neosaurus
• Plutonia
• Schism
• Oracle
• Stuf
• Gladiator (more) (again)
• Angel disambiguation
• Several plans
• Mutant justice
• Several miracles of magnetism
• Mummudrai
• Horror movie shit
• Subtle visual foreshadowing
• A ruse
• Education
• Long-lost family members
• What may or may not come after this

NEXT EPISODE: Fantomex!

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In which Marvel goes wordless; Cassandra Nova breaks space; none of the X-Men have media training; and Gus was the best dog ever.

X-PLAINED:

• Erik the Red (more) (again)
• Kin Crimson
• A big messy bag of mutant glory
• New X-Men #121-123
• ‘Nuff Said
• A journey into Charles Xavier’s mind
• What Emma is drinking
• A fetus fight
• The criminal culpability of a fetus
• Space problems
• A cosplay challenge
• Space
• Charles Xavier’s weird last wish
• A press conference
• Teen romance
• The Stepford Cuckoos
• Gus
• Charles Xavier’s age
• Nanosentinels
• Stuf
• Pre-ride safety announcements from the X-Men
• Whether Cassandra Nova should’ve been a component of Onslaught

NEXT EPISODE: Cassandra Nova vs. the X-Men (Round 2)!

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In which John Sublime sucks; Angel Salvatore rules; trauma does not justify evil; and you should never, ever, ever mess with Jean Grey.

X-PLAINED:

• A horrifying revelation
• The universe where Jay and Miles work for Cassandra Nova
• New X-Men #118-120
• John Sublime (more) (again)
• The U-Men
• Psychic energy, gender-reveal party-style
• The Stepford Cuckoos
• One way to disperse a mob
• An uncivil conversation
• The death and/or discomfort of many U-Men
• An awakening of sorts
• Squaring the phoenix
• Hank McCoy’s “coming out”

NEXT EPISODE: The Shi’ar invade!

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In which several individuals are not what they seem; John Sublime sucks; Cyclops talks Xorn down from a cosmic ledge; we meet the inimitable Beak; and Cassandra Nova makes herself (limitedly) known.

X-PLAINED:

• John Sublime
• Marvelscope™
• New X-Men 2001 Annual
• New X-Men #117
• Xorn
• X-Corporation
• The U-Men
• Ao Jun (and his super gross mutant power)
• Synchronized heists
• Psychometry vs. telepathy
• A big eventual twist
• Beak (Barnell Bohusk)
• A kiss
• Some really fucked up use of telepathy
• Some Moira MacTaggert continuity nonsense

NEXT EPISODE: U-Men vs. X-Men

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In which we start the Morrison Run; Professor X gets his hands on Chekhov’s gun; Cassandra Nova raises X-villains to a new level of weird; and humanity is running on borrowed time.

X-PLAINED:

• No-Girl
• New X-Men #114-116
• Grant Morrison and their approach to the X-Men
• Superhero fashion
• Cerebra
• Beast’s new look
• Ugly John
• Interpersonal dynamics
• Cassandra Nova (somewhat)
• Donald Trask
• Master Molds
• Wild Sentinels
• Emma Frost (more) (again)
• Negasonic Teenage Warhead (the original)
• The fall of Genosha
• Secondary mutations
• The most strapless bra of all time
• The Black Bug Room
• Summers problems
• Official X-Men and the designation thereof
• Wonder Man and mutants

NEXT EPISODE: Beast has a bad day

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In which Dr. Jey McCreight joins us to discuss all things X-Genetics!

X-PLAINED:

• The genetics and taxonomy of Marvel’s merry mutants

NEXT EPISODE: The Morrison run begins!

Follow Dr. Jey on Bluesky, and check out Beyond X and Y!

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In which we totally forgot to record a cold open (sorry); a lot of characters die (but not in Earth-616); Vampires may already be in command of America’s atomic arsenal; and we revisit a favorite.

X-PLAINED:

• What If vol. 2 #9
• What If vol. 2 #24
• What If: Magik #1
• Rahne Sinclair (moppet stage)
• The deaths of the Silver Age and All-New-All-Different X-Men
• Fancy television
• Sliding-scale ransom
• Then Ani-Men, somewhat
• The Living LASER, somewhat
• An orgy of satiation
• Wolverine, Lord of the Vampires
• Several highlights of Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose
• Vampire nonsense
• The Darkhold
• The Montessi Formula
• Some alligators
• August 5
• Frank Punisher, Vampire Hunter
• What If vol. 2 #37 (briefly)
• A kinder alternate history
• A singularly beautiful montage
• The Soul Staff
• Summers family connections
• How Wolverine climbs

NEXT EPISODE: Unspooling the X-Gene, with Dr. Jey McCreight!

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In which Asher Elbein joins us to discuss the complicated intersections between Magneto, big feelings, and international politics.

X-PLAINED:

• Some complicated intersections between Magneto, big feelings, and international politics.

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In which we do a thing and are not even sorry.

X-PLAINED:

• X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Next Episode: Magneto, with Asher Elbein!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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