Most men I know break into hives and immediately feel the pang of guilt when their wife says, “We need to talk.” I realize this plays into a “females-like-to-talk” and “men-like-to-not-talk” stereotype. I also realize there are exceptions and if you fall into that exception category–fabulous! Change the context and you can read this just the same.

My experience is that when my wife, Cathy, says “we need to talk,” she really doesn’t need me to shoot words in her direction. Rather, she is looking to connect with me.

When I was younger, I assumed there was a certain number of words or amount of time of “talking” that would lead to connection (i.e. “If we’d just talk more, we’d be closer.”) But over the years I’ve learned it’s more accurate to say, “If we connect more, we’d be closer, and ‘talk’ would be more natural.”

Cathy and I know that when we get away on a date, or share a meal together, or have planned pillow time, our connection is going to be much stronger. But we also realized that life with kids was so busy that we’d have to steal a few minutes and be intentional to get to the heart of connection.

These are specific questions that seem to fast-forward our connection:
• Tell me: What’s happening with you?
• What occurred today that you want me to know?
• How are you feeling about life? Us?

Obviously, it would be irresponsible to write about “talk” and “connecting” and not comment about “listening.”

No one wants to be in a relationship with a world-class talker. We all want to be with…
• Someone who doesn’t rush to judge or evaluate what we’re saying.
• Someone who isn’t quick to agree or disagree.
• Someone who doesn’t feel the need to express every opinion that flies across their mind.

I have many regrets over things I’ve said. I can actually grieve some misplaced and hurtful words I’ve used. But I have no regrets over listening. I’ve never regretted thinking, Why did I pay such careful attention to her?, or,  Why was I so patient and empathic and understanding?”

On the other hand, I have regretted checking email and reading my texts while Cathy was talking. But listening has never led to regret.

Connecting and listening will lead to more talking. But keep in mind that talking isn’t the end game… connecting is.

The post Connecting Requires Talking and Listening first appeared on HomeWord.

Many parents look for the latest parenting fad to help their kids grow into mature adults. Yet one key component for building kids’ lives is right in front of them: investing time, energy, and a commitment to “be there” for their kids. A regular, one-on-one ‘date night’ with each of your kids is a great place to begin intentionally investing in the overall health and growth of your child. Here are five tips for having a great ‘date night’ with your kids.

1) Choose to do something your kids want to do. Sometimes, when parents want to do something together with their kids, they’ll select an activity that they have interest in, but their kids do not. If you really want to create a positive “date night” culture where your kids want to hang out with you, try doing things that the kids are interested in. And remember, “date nights” don’t have to be complicated! They can be as simple as taking your child out to get an ice cream cone or throwing a Frisbee around in the yard.

2) Communicate. Be sure to engage your son or daughter in conversation during your “date night.” Don’t start by talking about your “list” of concerns you have about your child. Instead, talk about anything and everything. Ask your kids about their interests, opinions, and feelings.

3) Listen. Don’t dominate “date night” conversation. Communication is a two way street, so be sure to work at listening. Listening is the language of love. Through listening, you demonstrate that you value your kids. When you take the time to really pay attention, show empathy, and listen—you are taking a key step in connecting with your kids. When kids know that their parents will really listen (instead of immediately “correcting”) they will be more willing to talk.

4) Display affection. If you kids are adolescents, it’s important to remember that while they are in the process of becoming adults and separating from their parents, they still need your affection. In fact, sexual promiscuity in teenage girls can often be traced back to a desire for (and lack of) affection from their fathers. Dads, be sure to offer your kids genuine affection through loving words, affirmation, encouragement, small gifts, and appropriate touch.

5) Never embarrass your kids in front of their peers. A “date night” activity might take you onto your son or daughter’s “territory” – to a place where they may run into some of their peers. Gentle teasing is one thing, but embarrassing your kids in front of their peers can destroy all of the connection you are working to build with your child. Show respect to your kids and they’ll be more willing to hang out with you—and your “date nights” will be much more enjoyable as well.

The post Five Tips for Having a Great “Date Night” With Your Kids first appeared on HomeWord.

One of our jobs as parents is to plant the Word of God into our children’s lives. God’s Word provides them with a solid foundation upon which their lives can be built. In 1 Peter 1:24-25, we read, “All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field: the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of the Lord stands forever.” Creating an appreciation for God’s Word in kids isn’t always an easy task! But, I encourage you to do the best you can. Be persistent, pray, and then let God be God — who does the work to change lives! If you are looking for some ideas on how to instill an appreciation for God’s Word into your children’s lives, here are some ideas to help you get started.

Surround Your Kids with Good Resources. Younger children love Bible stories filled with action; stories like David and Goliath, Abraham and Lot, the Birth of Jesus, etc. So, if your kids are young, read Bible stories to them often. Utilize the many top-quality Christian videos available today. In reading, watching, and talking about Bible stories, you’ll be planting the concept that the Bible is important in your children’s lives.

If your children are older, be sure to give them a Bible translation that they can better understand. There are a number of “youth friendly” translations available, such as The New Century Version and The New Living Translation. There are also many “student” Bibles available, in a variety of formats, that include special notes and articles highlighting how the Bible specifically applies to young people’s lives.

Model Your Own Appreciation for God’s Word to Your Children. Do you have a regular devotional time where you read and study the Bible? Do your kids know it? How about letting your kids watch you model your own appreciation for God’s Word? Don’t forget that your actions will teach your kids a lot about how important you believe the Bible to be — probably even more than your words!

Create the Expectation that the Bible is an Everyday Guide for Everyday Life. In my years of youth ministry, I’ve often heard claims from students that the Bible is boring and isn’t relevant to living today. Too often, adults have passed along a poor concept of the Bible: that it is much like a school text to be read and memorized, but without much connection to how it applies to everyday life. You can raise your children’s level of expectation of the Bible (and their appreciation for it) by demonstrating to them that God’s Word is a trustworthy, everyday guide. Here are some specific ways you can accomplish this:

• Know what the Bible says. You don’t have to be a Bible scholar, but be a fellow-learner. This means that when your kids face a life issue or have a question about the Bible, share with them what you know the Bible says or work together with your child to find out what the Bible has to say on the issue or question.

• Know what the Bible doesn’t say. This is similar to the point above, but in this case, we need to help our children understand that the Bible doesn’t specifically address every issue. For example, your teen might ask you a question about what the Bible says about sexuality, like “How far is too far?” We need to be honest with our kids that the Bible doesn’t say, “Thou shalt not kiss thy neighbor.” But the Bible does have a lot to say about general principles for governing relationships, respect, lust, etc. which could absolutely apply when addressing the question.

• Emphasize the Good, Bad, and the Ugly in Scripture. By pointing to Bible stories where we read about both the victories and failures of God’s people, you’ll be making an important connection from the Bible to the realities of life that your kids experience. It is actually helpful for your children to learn that the Bible doesn’t contain only stories about nice people who always do the right thing. They will see that the Bible contains the stories of real people who experience the entire spectrum of human existence, many of whom are committed to living lives of faith in spite of their sin and struggles. Your children will benefit from seeing these every day, common experiences found in the Scriptures because they will learn that the Bible addresses real life issues.

• Emphasize Application of the Bible to Real Life Issues. When we help our kids see that the Bible is relevant and applies to real life issues — either specifically or by general principles — we create a sense of confidence in and appreciation for God’s Word in our children’s lives. As a result, our children will return to the Bible again and again for guidance and wisdom in their lives.

Teach Your Children How to Study God’s Word. The wisdom found in the following old adage, “Give a man a fish and he’ll be hungry tomorrow; teach a man how to fish and he’ll never go hungry again” also applies when it comes to teaching our kids to have an appreciation for God’s Word. If we, as parents, only tell our children about what they can find in the Bible, without teaching them how to discover and learn from the Bible on their own, they’ll become dependent on us, or on others, for their spiritual feeding. As your children grow older, be sure to give them the tools they need to be able to learn from the Scriptures on their own. Teach them a simple, Bible study plan where they can look at any Scripture passage and ask questions about the passage, such as,
• Who wrote the passage?
• Who was the passage written to?
• Where was the author? Where was the audience?
• When was the passage written?
• Why was it written?
• What was taking place at the time?
• What does the passage say?
• What action was instructed?
• What did the passage mean to the people it was originally meant for?
• What does it mean for me, today?
• What can I learn from the passage?
• How can I apply what I’ve learned to my own life?

The post How to Teach Your Kids to Appreciate God’s Word first appeared on HomeWord.

Adolescents don’t like to lose their friends. But one longitudinal study of teenagers showed that the notion of having a BFF runs counter to reality. In the study, researchers found that just 1 in 100 friendships that begin in seventh grade continue on until the 12th grade.

The researchers discovered that the strongest predictors of friendship dissolution were differences in sex, differences in the degree to which children were liked by other children, differences in physical aggression, and differences in school competence.

What keeps friendships together? Apparently the old adage of “birds of a feather flock together” applies. Similarities between friends create harmony, lend themselves to cooperative activities, and builds an environment of shared pleasures, costs, and benefits. One caveat: undesirable attributes and behaviors, when displayed at similar levels between friends, also serve to keep relationships together.

What Can Parents Do?
• Understand that most kids will form new friendships and end old friendships during adolescence. It’s completely normal. There is a bit of a “revolving door” aspect to friendships in adolescence, particularly in early and middle adolescence as kids experiment with their identities and then begin to figure out their preferences. Eventually, they will begin to gravitate to similar peers for their key friendships.

• Support and comfort your teen when a previously valued friendship ends.

• Understand that you cannot choose your child’s friends, but you can encourage healthy friendships.

• Get to know your teen’s friends. Strive to make your home a safe and welcoming place for your teens and their friends to hang out. In the process of getting to know your teen’s friends, you will learn a lot about your own daughter or son, as well.

• If you find that your teenager has built a friendship based on similar undesirable attributes or behaviors, encourage him or her to evaluate and make major decisions about their friendships.

The post Adolescent Research: Friends Are Friends Forever? Not Likely first appeared on HomeWord.

Thanksgiving is one of the most beloved holidays on the American calendar. Most of us are sentimental when it comes to Thanksgiving — and its cherished traditions — at least during the weeks leading up to the holiday. But the truth is that for many, Thanksgiving boils down to a lot of work! From making travel arrangements, and getting the family packed and ready to go, to planning the dinner menu and shopping, and coordinating who is responsible for what… it’s easy for us to get cranky and frustrated especially in the days just before Thanksgiving. It seems a celebration of giving thanks is the last thing on our minds as T-Day arrives.

Then, Thanksgiving Day is finally here, and you wake up to your own reality show, called “Thanksgiving Nightmares”:

• You’re all packed up. You’ve finally got the family in the car (late!), and you have to drive 60 miles to get to your T-Day celebration. You jump on the highway and suddenly encounter a 10-mile backup of stop and go traffic. And now, little Tommy announces that he has to pee. Really. Bad. Fun, fun, fun!

• Your turkey is thawing in the kitchen and you had no clue that your dog loves raw turkey until you noticed him gnawing on one of the drumsticks on the living room carpet. At least Ruff is giving thanks!

• A dozen people will be arriving in a few minutes for the Thanksgiving dinner you are hosting, and all three of your kids have just come down with an explosive intestinal virus. Wait, is that the doorbell?! Sharing is so nice at Thanksgiving, but this isn’t exactly what you had in mind.

If “Murphy’s Law” is in effect, it must be Thanksgiving season. As I’ve heard it said, “Stuffing happens.” It’s no wonder we can so easily ignore the “giving thanks” part of this holiday.

So, allow me to simply remind you that there is always at least one good reason to give thanks, whatever your circumstances this Thanksgiving season, and it is this: God is good.

Here are three of my favorite ways that God displays His goodness:

1) God is good because He gives us free gifts. Everyone loves a free gift, right? God is good because His gifts are amazing! We read in Ephesians 2:4-5, “But God is so rich in mercy, He loved us so much, that He gave us back our lives again when He raised Christ from the dead. Only by His undeserved favor have we been saved.” 

Do we deserve God’s kindness? No. Do we deserve His mercy? No. Do we deserve His forgiveness? No. God loves us and He gives us these free gifts. This is a reason to be thankful!

 Praise the Lord! Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His faithful love endures forever. –Psalm 106:1 (NLT)



2) God is good because He loves us unconditionally. God loves us not for what we’ve done but for who we are. This is a core truth about God and worthy of our embrace. God’s love isn’t based on our income. It’s not based on our job. It’s not based on our looks. It’s not based on the way we dress. God’s love for us has no strings attached. There’s nothing you can do to earn God’s love. This is a reason to be thankful!

 Praise the Lord! Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His faithful love endures forever. –Psalm 106:1 (NLT)



3) God is good because he offers us life forever. In the midst of all of the craziness happening in the world, we can be thankful that God wants our future to include real life! He offers us life to the full–here and now (see John 10:10)–and someday, life in heaven. We read in 1 Peter 1:4-5, “and we have a priceless inheritance–an inheritance that is kept in heaven for you, pure and undefiled, beyond the reach of change and decay. And through your faith, God is protecting you by his power until you receive this salvation, which is ready to be revealed on the last day for all to see.”

This is a reason to be thankful! 

Praise the Lord! Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His faithful love endures forever. –Psalm 106:1 (NLT)



As parents, we set the pace for our families as to whether or not this Thanksgiving will be a day of family, friends, food, football, and fun or whether the bar will be raised to a holiday where giving thanks is at the focus of the celebration, and not only an afterthought.

God is good! He gives amazing gifts! He loves you unconditionally! He gives us life now and a future in heaven. So, what are you waiting for? Thanksgiving Day? There’s no need to wait! Make November a season of giving thanks!

Praise the Lord! Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His faithful love endures forever. –Psalm 106:1 (NLT)

The post God is Good! Give Thanks! first appeared on HomeWord.

As I’ve interacted with hundreds of parents over the years, I’ve come to the conclusion that if you are having trouble communicating with your teen, you are in the vast majority.

So, if you are looking for ways to improve communication with your teen, here are five of my top tips…

1. Make mealtime family time. A large amount of research has shown that teenagers who dine regularly at home with their families are more satisfied with life. They are better students, are less likely to be sexually promiscuous, and tend to be much less involved with drug and alcohol abuse. Families that dine together regularly are more connected to one another. Why? It’s all about the communication that happens around the dinner table. Hectic schedules make dining together difficult, but the rewards make this a family tradition to cherish.

2. Make bedtime communication time. I found that one of the best times to have good communication with my teens was their bedtime. This was a carryover from their younger years when we tucked them into bed and said a prayer. When the teens were in bed but not asleep, I found them more in tune with talking about their day or their problems or whatever was on their mind. The relaxed atmosphere seems to work well for good communication. This is the type of communication that is foundational for the other times when you have to have a more difficult conversation. Try not to have those tougher conversations always at the same time or in the same place.

3. Have parent-child dates or hangout times. By the time kids are teenagers, they are very focused on their friends and peers. They are establishing their identities apart from Mom and Dad, but most are willing to do something fun with their parents; they still like to eat or shop. My habit was to have a monthly date with each of my children. They got to pick the experience, within financial reason. For them it mainly had to do with food. Times like these create a relaxed atmosphere where communication comes easier.

4. Walk around the block. My good friend John Townsend, author and speaker extraordinaire, regularly took his sons on a walk around the block. At first they would complain, he said, but about the second time around the block “the floodgates of communication would open.” Do whatever it takes to keep the communication lines open with your kids.

5. Listen more, talk less. A great deal of communication is listening. Listening is the language of love. We parents can have a difficult time really listening to our children. It often seems easier to lecture and scold, but the results aren’t the same as with listening. I’ve learned that sometimes my kids just wanted to talk and they really didn’t want me to share my opinion. I had to learn to quit answering all their questions…before they asked them! For older teens, it might help if you ask their permission to share your opinion, saying something like, “Would you mind if I shared with you my perspective?” This gives them a feeling that you really care for them. Even when it comes to conflict, a principle John Rosemond shared has the best results: “The fewer words a parent uses, the more authoritative the parent sounds. The fewer words a parent uses, the clearer the instruction.”

The post Improving Communication with Your Teenager first appeared on HomeWord.

Like many, Thanksgiving Day is one of my favorite holidays on the calendar. Also like many, it has also been one of the busiest, most stressful, and most tiring days of the year for my wife and me. This was true the first year that I decided to prepare a smoked turkey on my back patio — in the rain and wind. As hard as I tried, I could not find a way to keep the charcoal going. By the appointed dinner hour, with family and friends gathered, ready to dig in, the turkey hadn’t even broken a sweat. He was so cold I think he asked me to lend him a sweater. That was one not-so-fun, but oh-so-stressful Thanksgiving Day.

Yes, Thanksgiving is a treasured holiday for many. Yet, because of our tendencies to romanticize (the occasionally great) Thanksgiving Days of the past, we can set the bar of expectations so high for the day that we’re bound to experience a letdown when the reality (inevitably) doesn’t meet the expectations.

It seems that on Thanksgiving if something can go wrong, it likely will, throwing a wrench into our plans and expectations that increase our stress. Aunt Selma is sick and can’t come for dinner. But we always count on her cream of bean, broccoli, bacon, and olive surprise casserole on Thanksgiving. We mostly count on it because of the humor potential — not because anyone enjoys eating it. (No one is sure what the “surprise” ingredient is — and nobody wants to know.) But it’s just not Thanksgiving without it. It’s a family tradition, and somehow despite its ghastly taste, we fret that somehow this Thanksgiving has been diminished.

Over the years, I’ve learned some lessons (mostly the hard way) on how families can reduce the stress level of Thanksgiving, which leads to a happier holiday. Here they are:

1. Manage Your Traditions. There is something wonderful about creating and repeating family traditions. These serve to connect families together and create legacies that can endure for generations. But traditions, if not managed, can also take on their own lives, and families can end up serving traditions rather than the traditions serving the family. At Thanksgiving, this happens when we demand that everything about our holiday must be exactly the same as it was last year, the year before, and the year before.

Traditions are best managed when we don’t make the location of the Thanksgiving celebration or the menu items for the meal the heart of our traditions. Rather, focus on traditions of the heart: the relationships you get to renew each Thanksgiving, the conversations, the laughter, and the love.

2. Give Up the Fantasy of a Perfect Thanksgiving. The bad news: the perfect Thanksgiving Day doesn’t exist. The good news: perfection isn’t required to experience a truly happy Thanksgiving. When something goes wrong, your attitude toward and response to the situation will go a long way to determining your stress level.

3. Evaluate Your Expectations. Here are three important questions: 1) What are you planning? 2) Why are you planning it? 3) Is it reasonable to expect that you can accomplish the plan?

Expectations are fine. Identifying them before the holiday can help you evaluate and adjust them to become a better fit with reality. This gives you more control over your behavior and stress level on Thanksgiving Day.

4. Create Some Margin. The person or persons hosting Thanksgiving dinner are often the most stressed on Thanksgiving Day. It’s no “holiday” for them. Sure, for most, it’s a labor of love. But it’s a lot of labor nonetheless.

If most of the Thanksgiving Day preparations fall on you, here’s a reminder: you don’t have to do everything yourself. Sure, you probably can handle the details and tasks better than anyone else, but it’s simply not necessary. Ask for help. Give others specific tasks. Many hands make light work. Give yourself some margin, and your Thanksgiving will be happier and less stressful.

If most of the preparation falls on others, don’t sit by and let them do all the work. Offer to lend a helping hand. Find ways to help and get to work. You will still have time to relax and enjoy the holiday, plus you’ll be helping to make Thanksgiving a bit happier and less stressful for others.

5. Don’t Take the Bait. Almost everyone has at least one family member who offers the special Thanksgiving gift of instigating family conflict. To them, Thanksgiving is often their pot-stirring, button-pushing high holy holiday. Maybe your sister will make the sniping comment implying that your turkey is a tad dry, “This turkey is just delicious [cough, cough]! Could you pass me the gravy and some more wine? [cough]” Or maybe it’s your mother-in-law’s back-handed compliment about your gravy, “This has really good flavor! It took me years of practice to make my gravy smooth. Be patient. You’ll get there.”

Simply expect that some snarky comments will fly on Thanksgiving Day. When it happens, do your best to ignore or make light of it. Shake it off and let it go. These comments are almost always a fishing expedition. Remember, the fish that gets hooked is the fish that takes the bait. Don’t take the bait!

6. Give Thanks. With all of the preparations involved in Thanksgiving Day (meals, family, travel, and so on), it’s pretty easy to forget that the holiday was created as a day Americans give thanks to God for their blessings. As Christ-followers, we know that even in the midst of difficult seasons of life, that God is good and that there is always something to thank Him for. So, take at least a few moments and offer up a prayer of thanks to God. The attitude of gratitude is the foundation upon which a happy and less stressful Thanksgiving is built.

7. Find Ways to Give. Whether it’s the gift of a pumpkin pie to a neighbor, inviting another family to your Thanksgiving Dinner, raking leaves for the elderly couple down the street, or making a contribution to a local shelter, do something for someone else — something that your family feels good about doing. Lower any potential stresses by recognizing that this doesn’t have to be done on Thanksgiving Day itself. The simple act of giving during the Thanksgiving season is likely to increase the joy and happiness of your family’s Thanksgiving Day celebration.

The post How to Have a Happy (Less-Stressful) Thanksgiving first appeared on HomeWord.

Disturbing findings about teens and faith in recent years reveal that a majority of high school graduates do not attend church the following year. While youth ministry experts point to several reasons for the phenomenon and seek answers that might change this downhill trend, Richard Ross, Ph.D., professor of student ministry at Southwestern Baptist Seminary, found that teens prove three times more likely to stay in church after high school graduation if they encounter regular healthy faith conversations within the home. Faith conversations, including discussions and study about God and the Christian life, most often occur in what feels like a spontaneous conversation.

Because kids typically don’t initiate regular faith conversations, parents must be proactive in developing family times together to make a difference. In our own family, we found that our kids did better with a short, non-lecture format. Families seem to experience the most success when they keep these times fairly light and combine faith conversations with another aspect of family life like dinnertime or a fun activity. The best faith conversations come when the kids see their parents as fellow learners rather than in the teacher-to-student role.

Ideas for your family’s faith conversations can come from everyday experiences such as playground behavior, teachers’ personal points of view in the classroom, a grocery clerk’s actions, a neighbor’s needs, or an advertisement’s meaning. These regular conversations help establish a solid foundation for continued church involvement and spiritual growth beyond high school.

Several decades of research have revealed measurable outcomes with young people who have a positive spiritual experience in their teen years. The research affirms that when young people have a healthy spiritual life, they make better decisions about their friendships, school, and sexuality, and they tend to experience much fewer at-risk behaviors. Knowing that the casual conversations you have today greatly impact your child’s future, engage your kids on a spiritual level as often as possible, and keep the communication going throughout the teen years.

The post The Importance of Being a Faith-Focused Family first appeared on HomeWord.

When it comes to communication, even more important than words is the tone that accompanies them. You’ve most likely heard the phrase, “It’s not what you said; it’s how you said it.” That’s a very true statement connected to tone. If you want to succeed in your marriage communication, you’ve got to make sure you don’t become tone deaf.

Couples who are not careful with their communication tone in marriage can quickly become “tone deaf.” When our words (even when truthful) are delivered with a negative tone, it triggers a different reaction than if we had used a positive tone. For example, the statement, “We are going to be late” may be a factual one, but where that statement becomes ugly, hurtful, and primed-for-argument is when it’s spoken in a condescending tone. These words of truth, “We are going to be late” can come out sounding like, “We are going to be late and it’s all your fault and you do this all the time and I’m sick and tired of being late because you can’t get it together.” Six words of fact, and twenty-six words added by the recipient because of the tone. Tone matters.

As you pause to think about your own communication patterns, you must learn to pay special attention to the fact that it’s not just the words you use; it’s also the tone that projects your words. Sarcasm, shaming, pessimism, negativity, whining, and insincerity are really more about tone than words. Rolling your eyes, shaking your head, and shrugging your shoulders are obviously forms of nonverbal communication, but they can definitely serve to enhance a negative tone.

Your partner may barely hear your words but will absolutely hear and feel your tone. The reaction to tone is usually defensive. I remember an evening when Cathy was running late and I was frustrated and sad, “If I knew you were going to be so late, I could have stayed at work longer and got something done instead of just waiting around here. Didn’t you tell me to be home right at six o’clock for dinner?” Again, each of these comments was true and a statement of fact. But that didn’t matter because they were delivered with intent to wound with guilt and shame. Let me just say that dinner wasn’t as good as it could have been had I simply held my words and especially my tone. Sadly, the issue that caused the tension wasn’t Cathy being late—it was my tone. What’s even worse is that I would have never used that tone with someone at work or even a stranger, but I expressed it with the person I love the most in the entire world.

As you better educate yourself on tone, you’ll learn some common triggers that typically spark an atmosphere to turn negative. When you figure out what your triggers are, you’ll need to discipline yourself to keep them from being triggers. What are the triggers in your marriage relationship that move the tone toward the negative? Once you know what brings you down, you can do a much better job of watching your tone, and this in turn, will lead to better communication and more positive atmosphere in your marriage.

The post Watch Your Tone! first appeared on HomeWord.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful. –2 Timothy 4:7 NLT

Thomas Carlyle, a great British author in the nineteenth century, was already well established in his career when he married another writer, Jane Welsh. Obsessed with his writing, though, he took little time to nurture their relationship. Even when Jane became very ill, Carlyle wasn’t there for his wife.

After Jane died, Carlyle sat in her bedroom, regretting how little time he had spent with her because of all the other “important” things he was doing. It was then that he noticed her diary sitting on the bedside stand. One page simply read: “Yesterday he spent an hour with me and it was like heaven. I love him so.” He turned another page. “I listened all day to hear his footsteps in the hall, but now it is too late and I guess he won’t come today.”

Carlyle continued to read until he was overcome with emotion. He threw the diary down and ran out of the house. His friends found the grieving man at Jane’s graveside with his face buried in the ground and tears rolling down his cheeks. He just kept saying over and over, “If only I had known, if only I had known, but it’s too late now.” Fifteen years later he died with a mountain of regret.

Sometimes we allow confused priorities to get in the way of our most important relationships. It’s important for a marriage to get off to a good start, but we want our marriages to finish well too. We’re sure you want this too. Make your marriage the priority it is meant to be.

FAITH CONVERSATIONS:
• What part of this story can you relate to?
• What could you or I do to live with fewer regrets in our relationship?
• At the end of your life, what would you like to be said about you?

A STEP CLOSER:
Look at the Scripture of the day and write out a paragraph of what you would hope could be said about your marriage at the end of your life.

(Excerpted from Closer: 52 Devotionals to Draw Couples Together by Jim and Cathy Burns; Bethany House, 2009.)

The post Couples Devotional: No Regrets first appeared on HomeWord.